Very Best of Living
Dr. Taylor Hartman, relationship expert and Psychologist, discusses key insights that he has made over his professional career on what makes successful relationships. His work The Color Code now called the People Code is a powerful agent for positive healthy relationships both personal and professional.
Very Best of Living
Discovering Holiday Magic and Meaning
Have you ever felt the warmth of gifting something truly special to a loved one? Join me and my towering friend, Cat Larson, as we take you on a joyful journey through our cherished holiday traditions. From the thrill of planning surprise trips to the heartwarming story of the green coat I saved up to buy for my mother, we explore the magic of the Christmas season. Cat shares a touching memory of receiving a hand-painted picture, reminding us all that the spirit of giving creates meaningful connections and unforgettable memories.
The holiday season is not just about gifts and celebrations; it's also a time for introspection and growth. In an open conversation, we reflect on the power of forgiveness and how letting go of grudges can lead to personal freedom. I recount an unexpected gift from someone I once held a grudge against, which prompted a profound shift in my perspective. We discuss how understanding others' struggles can foster empathy and lead to a more compassionate life, highlighting stories of people who found peace through selflessness.
As our festive discussion wraps up, we talk about the beauty of creating new holiday traditions, especially when circumstances change. Whether it's a sunny getaway or a cozy gathering at home, embracing new customs can bring joy and comfort. We also express our gratitude for reconnecting with our audience through the podcast, and hint at a special Christmas gift idea: the new book "Color Code for Couples." As we celebrate the season, we encourage you to cherish your traditions and perhaps even start new ones this year.
Take the Personality and Character Profiles at TaylorHartman.com.
Send questions and comments to Taylor@TaylorHartman.com Or Cathy@TaylorHartman.com with “Podcast” in the subject line.
Hello listeners and Merry, Merry Christmas. It's such a wonderful time of year. I'm with my friend, Kat Larson, who is tall as a Christmas tree, so she can experience this from great heights. Kat, how are you?
Speaker 1:I am fantastic, actually. Good to hear, yes.
Speaker 2:Merry Christmas to you.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 2:You too, thank you. I love this time of year. I, because I'm married to Mrs Claus literally you are. It's just unbelievable, the things that she does to create just the magic around our house. And she's planning a trip for the family. No one knows where it's to, and so I can't give a hint, because I have a son, a grandson, who is desperately trying to find out where we're going, and I give him clues and it just messes him up more.
Speaker 2:You know where you're going and I give him clues and it just messes him up more, you know, because I want to know where you're going. Right, I do know. Yep, I do, and I'm very excited about it, but it's a lot of work. Yeah, I've done a great job of putting it together. It's kind of fun to look forward to and it'll um, it's, it's just, I love uh, she had a commitment to family when she was very young and she remains extremely committed. So all the trees are up, all the decorations are up, both homes. She just doesn't miss a thing. And, of course, her excuses. They were put up before Halloween, of course, but her excuses, we're going to go, we're going to Hawaii, so we won't be here. I said, honey, we'll be back before Thanksgiving. I know, I know, but then it's close to Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1:I love it. Well, I have mine up too, so I'm living in the Jing and Hartman world.
Speaker 2:You are? Yes, I am. I learned well from her. Yes, you did Well, Merry Christmas.
Speaker 1:Merry Christmas. That's so cool yeah.
Speaker 2:It is interesting it always seems like such a dichotomy to me that it's such an incredibly festive time of the year and yet it is where there is so much pain, either tied to physical illness, because illnesses come, or emotional trauma that people are feeling. Isn't that interesting? It's just one of two. I always do feel the worst for people who actually lost somebody this time of year. It makes it even harder, I think, but hopefully this will be a positive this podcast for people to think about the holidays all year round, but especially at this time of year.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So I want to know what was one of the favorite Christmas gifts you ever received or gave.
Speaker 1:Me yeah you Me. What was the one I gave that I really liked yeah, you me. What was the one I gave that I really liked Um, oh my gosh, I think I gave. Uh, we gave a trip, we did a you know like, kind of like what you're doing, but we gave a they had to solve the puzzle it was this big puzzle that they had to solve. A trip for our kids.
Speaker 2:That was really fun Fun to plan, fun to think about, fun to plan Surprise.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was a surprise. And Receive is oh my gosh, one of my actually came from Cade's girlfriend, who painted me a picture of Paco and I standing with my dogs in it and it's just a great picture. It's oh wow, yeah, she really captured like we're out, we're standing out, we're looking at mountains, the dogs are to the dog and she painted it and it's like I mean it's it really was probably one of the coolest gifts I've ever gotten.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wish you'd take a picture of it and send it to me. I will, I'd like.
Speaker 1:I'd like to see it, I think it sounds incredible.
Speaker 2:How fun to see that talent that was used right. Yes, it's, it's funny. I, when I think about the favorite gifts I have given, probably one of my most favorite was a green coat I gave to my mom for Christmas because she just had no money and we didn't spend money that way and I saved up and saved up from my job at Derwiener Schnitzel. You did not and I did.
Speaker 1:You worked at Derwiener Schnitzel.
Speaker 2:I did and I loved it. I love fast food, I love quick, I love engaging people.
Speaker 1:That's a good hot dog. I love fast food, I love quick, I love engaging people. I love that.
Speaker 2:That's a good hot dog, I'm telling you.
Speaker 1:It is a good hot dog, are they still?
Speaker 2:open and it was fun. Yeah, oh my gosh, they still have them. Oh my gosh, yeah, they do. So that was very fun, and I mean it was when I gave Jean 40 presents on her 40th birthday and that was really really a fun thing to plan. It took me like almost all year to kind of put together all these different kinds of gifts that I would be able to give her and then placed them throughout the house, so it was really really fun.
Speaker 2:I do remember we did a surprise sub-S Santa one time for a family and then left all these presents and food and stuff on the porch. Their mother had died and they were very close friends of ours and so we left it and ran without letting him know who it was. And I still remember my daughter saying I loved doing that so much, I wish we could do that every year. And one of the boys of the family that received the gift said to his dad you know what the best Christmas in my life will be when I can do this to somebody else? Isn't that kind of cool that he had that kind of insight on his part? So I, you know, I just think that those are really kind of fun.
Speaker 2:Gift giving is a really kind of a cool concept like what are we willing to make happen for somebody else that matters to us, and why, and do we know them well enough to give it? One of the worst gifts I ever gave, of course, was the ping pong table to my wife. That I play ping pong, she doesn't. That was really good. I've come a long way, baby. That that was like whoa talk about being self-centered.
Speaker 1:Oh my God. Well, at least it wasn't a vacuum.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, I wouldn't think about a vacuum. You're probably right, but still geez. So when we think about Christmas time and how we can make it joyful, I want us to think about today, listeners, I want you to think about people who have mattered to you in your life and I'd like you to pick five people and I want you to write them a letter and thank them. I had a client in my office in tears, share with me that on his birthday, three people who really mattered to him a lot sent him a text and they said in the text how much they admired him as a good human being and how smart he was. And this man had gone to resource from second grade on and always felt so stupid. And he's a very successful businessman, but in his mind he's stupid, he's not smart, and what those words meant to him, literally in tears in his eyes, he was telling me. The fact that they took the time to say I was smart and a good human made my birthday. So and I don't remember you probably do remember at retreats we used to do Kat, where you write the thing, just a line, what you loved about somebody, and people would think about it throughout the year and they'd pull them out and look at them and just remind themselves that these eight, 10 people loved them and thought the world of them thought good things about them.
Speaker 2:I think it's kind of cool. Again. It's getting away from you and more into other people, right, yes? So think of five people that you would like to thank for what they've been in your life and send them a note this Christmas. I think that'd be a very cool thing for our listeners to do, and I know how much it means to me. I always appreciate it. I have a little box that I put the private things in that when I'm old and alone your card that you sent for Thanksgiving is going in there, by the way and so when I'm just sitting there, I want to reflect on people in my life. That's what I will do, so I appreciate that.
Speaker 1:That's a great you know it's so funny. I don't think I've ever tied why to keep a card and you just clarified something for me, like when I'm in those places to reread them and just to bring some joy to you to go, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, remember them and you know what. There are people who just make you feel that right and the fact that they care about you and again, I think it's. I mean, I was very moved that this guy was happy to have a text. It's, all he got was a text and that was fine. But if you take the time to actually write something or text whatever, right, I think it's really cool that you're actually showing that you think about that person and I don't think many people know how much they matter to others. So it's interesting.
Speaker 2:This training I'm doing with a group that I love, this group and they've been wonderful and I asked them to do an evaluation at the end of the training and what they said that was most interesting to many of them made the comment that what I loved most was most interesting to many of them made the comment that what I loved most was getting to know my fellow employees. I loved getting to know my colleagues. I loved getting to know what they were about. And these guys these are rough, tough, like like construction workers and they would share stuff from the heart that people are like whoa I, I didn't know that and just I think if we just take the time to let people know that have touched our life, how much they mean.
Speaker 2:I think that's really a nice thing to do, especially at Christmas. When is it that way? One that I, because I love Christmas music. I think Christmas music is I start like right after Halloween, so I'm really kind of a I'm pretty bad about it.
Speaker 1:I think it's so fun to hear. That word is obnoxious. If you're searching for the word.
Speaker 2:It is obnoxious and it's so joyful that I'm obnoxious about it and I, whenever I work out, that's what I play is Christmas music, so it's kind of a. It puts a little extra step in my. But I think forgiving someone. I think it's such a good concept to think about. Who do I need to forgive that hurt me, that was disrespectful to me? Obviously, what they did was not right and shouldn't happen, but it did. And I think, too, it's kind of nice to clean out the closet. You know what I mean, like get rid of baggage that you don't want to carry into the new year. I think it's so healthy, if you can think about somebody, that you know what I consciously am going to forgive you and move forward. I'm not going to let you anymore hold me back or hold myself back Thinking about what you did or why you did it. It doesn't matter, I'm done. I think that's something I'd like us to think about.
Speaker 2:I'm sure you've had moments in your life when you had to forgive somebody Kat, I know I have, and it really is hard to do and very freeing when you do it. But you have to be authentic. You can't just pretend. You have to genuinely say I no't just pretend. You have to genuinely say I no longer go there, you're no longer my concern. We all make mistakes. That was one you made. I've made them too and I've hurt people. So who am I to hold that over you? And it's just a great freeing, it's a great time to do it for the new year.
Speaker 1:You're pretty forgiving as a whole by nature.
Speaker 2:By nature, yeah, yeah, it's not really. I don't carry a lot of stuff. I think that most people don't mean to do the damage they do. I, honestly, am one of those believers that you probably do the best. You know how to do the time you're doing it, and some people are at a very low level of life functioning. They're just not real healthy, so they will do things that are damaging and not even know the level that it hurts somebody, because that's where they're at. So my feeling is I don't really gain a lot by keeping it stuck in my craw.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a good thing to think about. I don't think I have anybody right now. I mean, you know, it's like I look at stuff. I don't think I have anybody right now. I mean, you know, it's like I look at stuff.
Speaker 2:I don't think there's anybody that I'm holding. Isn't that nice? I'm not A grudge.
Speaker 1:No, not at all.
Speaker 2:Isn't that nice.
Speaker 1:Not at all.
Speaker 2:It's just an even playing field, right.
Speaker 1:You know it's funny I was holding a grudge. It's funny how stuff gets batted into your court, we court, we moved. I was kind of upset and mad and gritchy and even kind of did some stupid chatter about it with somebody else in my family, about this person and um, and then the next day a gift, a housewarming gift, shows up on my porch from this person and I was like oh, okay, god, I got it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, hello, thank you, that's so good the timing of that, oh, and that you were humble enough to go Hello.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so I I did work on, like you said. I think it's like people are can only do. You know what they are aware of and the best they can do with what they have, with all their hurts and all their sadness and and and the way they see the world.
Speaker 2:Well, this one guy. He was going through this I mean talk about traumatic time Like literally he was going to lose his business. That was his week. And so this guy who he'd taken care of, he had surgery, he'd gone over there, he brought him food, he sat with them, talked with them, read with them, all sorts of things the first time. Now he has another surgery and this guy is losing his business and so he's so preoccupied he texts the guy, asks how he's doing, checks in with him.
Speaker 2:The guy blows up on him after a week of not coming over and he said to him look, you're not the only person in pain here. Like I don't know why you think only you are struggling in life, but I also have things on my plate. He didn't even go into what he was doing. He didn't even go into losing a business. There was no point. This guy was so self-absorbed he couldn't even think about why someone else might not be paying attention to him. So that's really good when you think that way. Yeah, I, I like that. That's very cool, do?
Speaker 1:you have anybody you need to forgive not this year. Yeah, isn't that nice.
Speaker 2:It's just a great, it's so. Oh my gosh, it's just easier. It's so funny. I was talking to this kid who was saying once I understood the purpose of life, it just seemed easier. And I've thought. I've mulled that over and thought about this, since he said that I just understood it better, he said, and so it made more sense and it's just easier.
Speaker 2:And this was a very selfish guy, like he really was caught up in himself, and now he's doing the opposite, like it's all about others, and he said I, just I, I didn't get it, I just didn't understand it and I was so cocky I wouldn't allow myself to even hear. And now I'm like, oh, that's what it's all about and it's easier. So hopefully that will kind of ring true for our listeners, that maybe you really get what life's about. It gets easier.
Speaker 1:Well, what life is all about? Is the question right. Like in in in keeping the question the same and not changing it to fit your current dialogue.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Oh, I like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a good one, that's that's a really good one, don't you have to commit to a purpose and kind of stick with it?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, I think. Well, it's funny you say that I got to tell you about this horrendous story. Good friends of ours lost their home in a fire in California and like gone, everything is gone. They have nothing right Now we all can talk about insurance or whatever else. Whether they have it or they don't have it, it doesn't matter, it doesn't fix it overnight and you have nothing. You literally have nothing. So they're staying with some friends and their sister reached out to let us know it had happened because we didn't know and what she said was so moving to me. Here's the address where they're staying.
Speaker 2:You that know them know they collect nativity scenes and that's what they've lost completely in this fire. It's all gone. And if you have a nativity scene that they would be able to appreciate and enjoy this year, it would mean the world to them If you could send one. Can you imagine like I was so moved by that? And of course, jean has a whole tree decorated in nativity scenes and there's one that we have from Africa which is really kind. Of course Jean has a whole tree decorated in nativity scenes and there's one that we have from Africa which is really kind of cool right that we could bundle up.
Speaker 2:And so we put in a package and mailed it off to them and in the note I said to her you know what I experienced in Africa? I experienced that they really have nothing, that they really have nothing and there really is always room in the inn. They always make room in the inn for people from the Christ story of when he goes and there's no room in the inn for Mary and Joseph. And I said I hope this Christmas you'll realize how there is always room in our end for you because they have nothing. And it just was such. I mean, what a poignant time in your life to realize there is no room in the end of our old place. But maybe there's room in people's hearts that make me feel loved and cared for, even though I've lost everything. So that was pretty poignant for me. That's very cool for us to experience that at this.
Speaker 2:Christmas time, be thinking about that, what they're going through, and then maybe help them get through it Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So I mean it's. It's just think about a tradition, traditions, whatever you want to call it. There's some that have many, some that have one that you would like to create for your family and make it part of who you are and also invite new traditions, new things that you can do. That would give meaning to the experience for you. Some people love to travel, like to be gone. I have a son-in-law who he wants to be gone and they go every Christmas to someplace warm. That's what they do, and they're excited about that. And others, like my wife oh no, don't make me go at Christmas to someplace warm, that's what they do, and they're excited about that. And others, like my wife, oh no, don't make me go at Christmas. I need to be home and experience all the beauty and the magic and the family, and just Christmas at home to her is everything.
Speaker 2:So it's different for everybody, right? Everybody has a different kind of take on it. What do you like? Do you have any? I like both, honestly. I could do both. I love being home. She makes it honestly, as you know, it's like you're living in North Pole, yes, so it's pretty remarkable and all that she puts together. So I enjoy that and I also love the idea of going and being elsewhere. We did go one Thanksgiving down to Disneyland. That was a mistake, like we're down there going. Wait a minute, where's the turkey? Where's the gravy?
Speaker 1:Now you're eating it on IHOP and going what?
Speaker 2:Exactly right, that was like well okay maybe not so much.
Speaker 1:Those turkey tacos did not cut it.
Speaker 2:I think everybody's different. Some people are like that didn't matter to me, I was fine with that Right. But in general I like both. What about you?
Speaker 1:I like to be home. I think we chatted before about, or at some point we chatted about, the fact that my kids aren't going to be home this year, so creating a new tradition, and so Christmas Eve was our big. You know, that's the big place in my heart or my, my memory that is like so much fun and so, um, paul and I are talking about you know what we want to do on christmas eve and do something different yeah, you know, I like that and create a tradition that looks like go and do something or go and help, or or, or.
Speaker 1:I mean, you know, not just because it's Christmas, but but give, maybe give instead of you know, give outside of you know, he and I just being home, go give something on a bigger level.
Speaker 2:I really like that. Yeah, that's really. No, I love that. Give instead of receive.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I like that a lot and I do love the idea of new traditions. Yes, like new things that I think that's exciting.
Speaker 1:Yes. Actually it's much more proactive than negatively reactive, which I admire. Well, if you sit home, and again it's like that thing where you sit home and you're like, well, it doesn't feel like it usually feels, and so right, so I think that's the only thing a brain can do, right? It's like, well, it doesn't feel like it usually feels. So then I end up my personality ends up forcing things, I end up forcing stuff, and I don't want to do that.
Speaker 2:No, it's no. Go with the flow. Better, that's good. Go with the flow. I like that, yeah, so I think that's really really good. Yeah, like this should not be. I'm going to make it different, right, I'm going to make like I think I said before, I'm going to make.
Speaker 1:like I think I said before, I'm going to make it different. We are going to have fun, we're going to find joy. I'm going to beat you and tell you, tell me you feel joyful.
Speaker 2:You'll be joyful, that poor man I'm telling you, I know it's going to be a long Christmas. Well, I just I want, I want our listeners to know that you can make this a really special Christmas, regardless of the trauma, difficulties, things that go at this time of year as well. I hope that many of you, you'll feel connection and you can find that in how you give and how you receive both. And with that we're going to quit off one more time Our podcast for the month. God bless you all, kathy. It's always been such a joy and a treat. Here we are again, at the end of another year.
Speaker 1:Yes, one of the things I love the most about this year is that we started doing our podcast again, because we get a lot of feedback and a lot of people and I enjoy it so much, and so thanks, taylor, for bringing this back.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and we do appreciate those kind words and insights people share, don't we? Yes, we do they're really kind of cool, which reminds me I forgot to say. Oh my gosh, I have to remind everybody the new book is out. Color Code for Couples you can get it on taylorhartmancom. Yep, oh my gosh, it's out. I just got the first shipment and it's beautiful. It's really really well put together, so I'm excited about it. I think you'll love it. It's a great Christmas gift for people. Yes, so, check on.
Speaker 2:It's not on Amazon yet, so you have to go to taylorhartmancom.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're also, for the month of December actually is going to hit on Black Friday. We are offering a special on profile. So jump onto our website on Black Friday and you'll see a 30% discount button and you can get a profile for 30% off, which is a really great deal, and go in and learn about yourself and see how amazing you are.
Speaker 2:That's so cool. I love it. All right guys off and out, have a great holiday.
Speaker 1:Feliz Navidad.
Speaker 2:I'll talk to you soon, all right.
Speaker 1:Yes, love and out have a great holiday. Feliz Navidad, all right, yes, love you, bye-bye.