Very Best of Living
Dr. Taylor Hartman, relationship expert and Psychologist, discusses key insights that he has made over his professional career on what makes successful relationships. His work The Color Code now called the People Code is a powerful agent for positive healthy relationships both personal and professional.
Very Best of Living
Six Practices That Quiet Selfishness and Spark Growth
What would it look like to present your life and feel proud of how you grew? We dive into progression as a way of living—how small, brave choices stack into character—and map six practices that pull us out of ourselves and back into meaning: sacrifice, bravery, education and critical thinking, curiosity, gratitude, and faith. Along the way, we get honest about aging and purpose at 99, the joy and work of grandparenting, and why some lunch tables become complaint clubs while others stay alive with ideas.
We start with sacrifice as the antidote to a “make it about me” culture, using parenting and service as training grounds for purpose. Then we break down bravery through the “buffalo vs. cow” storm metaphor—face it and shorten it, or flee and get worn out. Real stories show how hard conversations earn respect and reset relationships, and why motive matters more than optics. From there, we wrestle with classrooms where attention is collapsing, the danger of treating feelings as facts, and how boundaries can protect without turning into walls.
Curiosity returns joy to learning and relationships, expanding your world beyond your own head. Gratitude shows up as a reliable marker of mental health—quiet, practical, and contagious. Finally, we talk faith: for some it’s native, for others it’s chosen; either way, service is a powerful on‑ramp to a larger, steadier life. If you’ve felt stuck, isolated, or bored, these six practices offer a grounded path forward—no hacks, just habits that hold up in storms.
If this conversation sparked something, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a buffalo nudge, and leave a quick review—what’s one practice you’ll lean into this week?
Take the Personality and Character Profiles at TaylorHartman.com.
Send questions and comments to Taylor@TaylorHartman.com Or Cathy@TaylorHartman.com with “Podcast” in the subject line.
Hello, listeners. This is Dr. Taylor Hartman with the very best of living. I hope you're having the best of life right now in your life, enjoying all you're doing and what you're experiencing, and that you are growing. For me, one of the great indicators of a quality of life is progression. That if you're actually growing, when we have a child and they start out young, you see them go through progression so significantly. Things they can touch, how they crawl, then they walk, uh, what they can say, what they learn. Those concepts seem to get lost as we get older, and we almost miss the magic of progression and how important that is in our lives. So we're going to talk about that today. I'm really happy to be with my great friend Kat Larson. Hello, Kat.
SPEAKER_01:Hey, Taylor, how are ya?
SPEAKER_03:I am well, and you're looking great. I'm glad life's treating you well.
SPEAKER_01:We've uh I've had a lot of fun this month. It's been a month full of fun.
SPEAKER_03:You know, it's so interesting you say that. I have a colleague who loved summer so much, and she's very yellow, and she really struggled with some depression when all the kids went back to school, the fun stopped. Now it's just a matter, and she's still doing these incredibly great things and whatever, but she really was so joyous, like so happy. It kind of reminded me of when young people have to adult and they're like, oh no, I liked it better when I wasn't paying the rent. I liked it better, whatever. But but it is it's also a real big gift that you have, and this this colleague of mine has of having fun.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:Like just enjoying life in those moments, right? And I've thought I've thought about this. This is a very interesting kind of uh exchange we're having. I was thinking about when we go back and we we die and we go back to God, like how we will present our life experience. And I know people, I have clients who have said to me, I got lots of questions for him. He needs to hear he needs to answer. And and their first thing is, I want him to know that he's on record with what he did and how he did it, and I want to know why it happened. And then I have other people that are like, oh, it just I'm just so glad it's over. Like it was just so difficult. I didn't enjoy it, I didn't feel fulfilled. And then I have others who are like, oh my gosh, I I wish it had not ended. I had more things to learn. I was doing really well. I was struggling with this, and here's what I was doing about it. Um, I'm concerned about these people I left behind. So I think we kind of set in motion who we are and how we embrace life, and that will all be played out in full color when we leave. So so when I talk about today, we're gonna talk about things that I have done or experienced that have made a difference in my life. Hopefully, it'll help our listeners to think about their lives and what they're doing.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. What so what's your question gonna be?
SPEAKER_03:Like, are you gonna be uh I think I'm gonna have a question of why was I so blessed? Like, why was I so fortunate to live where I lived and with whom I lived and how I lived? I look back at my like my parents and my uh siblings and my wife and my children. I love the Western United States. I I mean I've I mean so many things have been such a blessing in my life. Even health, for example. I mean, uh, when I think about how fortunate that has been, and I I think that's probably one of my first questions I'll I'll have is why was I so blessed?
SPEAKER_01:Wow, that's a that's such a great question. You know, I've been this this last month, well, in August, my mom turned 99 and Which is amazing. Which is amazing, and she often asks, why am I still here? Yeah, what is my purpose for still being here?
SPEAKER_02:Yep.
SPEAKER_01:Which started a kind of a runaway train in my brain. I know, hard to believe. A runaway train in my brain.
SPEAKER_03:Actually, it's scary.
SPEAKER_01:Which is which is, do I want to be alive at 99? And how what do I have to do now to want to be alive at 99?
SPEAKER_03:I like that. That's good.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And so it's been a struggle. It's not an easy question to answer for me because it's like, sure, I'll want to be alive if I can still hike and bike and paddleboard and do all this.
SPEAKER_03:Right, right.
SPEAKER_01:Uh, but if I can't, what would my life have to look like to want to be around?
SPEAKER_03:Well, and okay. Having said that, I think it's harder when you're older to find that purpose than when you are thrown into it. Like when you're raising children, you have a purpose, whether you like it or not, right? That's happening. Yes. But when there is no reason for you to get up in the morning, yes, you know, you have to really find, and especially when you're in pain or whatever, right? Or your friends have died. I mean, it's it seeks volumes for that. I agree with that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's it's not for, you know, I don't know yet. Um, I mean, I don't, I I know I'm gonna get there. I just haven't figured it out yet. It's like I almost am like, my first thing was like, nope, just take me quick, Lord. You know, take me early.
SPEAKER_00:Right, right.
SPEAKER_01:But then, but then, you know, grandkids. I mean, look, you're you're you're having you just had one. Congratulations.
SPEAKER_03:Thank you very much. She's adorable.
SPEAKER_01:Another one, not one, another one. Um 17. Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_03:And they're all magical. I mean, every one of them are so different and so joyous. They bring such such richness to my life. I it's so great. I love it.
SPEAKER_01:That's a full-time job just buying birthday cards for 17 grand.
SPEAKER_03:That's why I have a blue wife who makes my life much easier.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yes. She just reminds you. Yes, she does.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, yes, thank goodness, right?
SPEAKER_01:Well, anyway, I got us off track. But yeah, I I love that question. And I think it's uh as we're talking today, I love what that brings up for me, is to go, hmm. Well, I do things have been.
SPEAKER_03:I have to I have to be honest. Like, I I I was thinking the other day about I honestly was so yellow my whole life that I never realized that I was gonna die. Like, I why would I ever do that? You're so young. It's the Peter Pan syndrome is really a real thing for yellows. Like they don't see themselves aging even. And so I was thinking about people who have felt old when they were five.
unknown:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:And life has been a much more traumatic experience, right? Sometimes just because they're more aware of things that are going on. But I thought of negative people. For example, they just turn everything into what's wrong and what's negative. And and what a challenge that is for them to find fun and joy in the moment because their nature goes against them. So I I I am trying to think, and when I look at the beautiful nature that I'm sitting in right now, this gorgeous place in Sundance, I think about nature is so balanced. And I think people need to look at that in their own lives and ask, well, am I balanced? Am I am I balanced or am I not? And one of for me, we're gonna talk about this today a little bit, is selfishness. I think selfishness is one of those predominant factors that breeds an unbalanced life.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:Uh it it makes you think only turning inward, not outward. I talked to a very good friend of mine who is a marketer for years, and uh and she made such success at marketing product. And she's now 60, and she says, you know what? I spent my whole life marketing things to people that didn't need. And now I'm thinking, what's the point of my my life? I want my life to be more meaningful and purposeful. Wow. So it's a big shift in her thinking. Fortunately, she's read, so she's able to adjust and make the shift easier, I think, than most. But the idea, our listeners, I hope that they're thinking about, so what is my focus in my life? Like, what is the point of me being here? And the first thing I would ever say to anyone is go outside you. Stop making it about you. It's it's almost like there's a group of old guys that get together for lunch every week. And every time they meet, they talk about their pain and their surgeries they're having. And it's like, I can't do this. I I don't I don't want to be here. You were part of that group? Well, I would go, but no, not long. Because I thought this is not inviting or exciting or anything to me. It's just so internally focused about things you can't fix anyway. So what are we talking about that for? I'd much rather be in groups to talk about ideas and interesting new things and uh stay current with life and what's happening. So I think I think today we're gonna talk about some of the things I've experienced that have made a difference in my life. Good. I have my pencil ready. Great. And I want listeners to think about this. Like, I'm gonna start with there's like six of them. The first thing I want to talk about is sacrifice. I really think we have unfortunately taught people, and it's worse now than ever, that it's all about you. And all the focus is on you. And I could speak to the Hollywood scene, for example, that I don't think has been very caring about the public in general. They're very internally focused. And uh, I heard about this new show that was out that got great reviews, so I thought I'd watch it. The language was horrendous. I I I'm so tired of hearing the F-bomb, like in daily conversation anymore. People can't even talk without it. And I'm like, what has happened? And it was so narcissistic oriented, all about them and their world. I couldn't watch more than 10 minutes. And I finally said, you know what, it got all the awards, I could care less because it's not about something that my my world at all. It's all about them in their own little enclave. And I think that when you raise children to not give back, but to get, and when you raise children to think it's only about them, you create a lack of sacrifice in them. They don't learn to give up things for the better good of other people. Now, there's an extreme to everything good. The extreme of this is communism. Sure. You have nothing you own. Everything is to the state. So you can see where people get twisted in their thinking and they they make poor decisions about how you apply truth in their life. And I think it's very critical people understand what am I sacrificing? One of the reasons I've always thought parenting helped my life was it you couldn't be about you. Like, I mean, you I guess you could, but not if you care about your kids. You're gonna be about them and how to grow them and enhance them. You're gonna do things. I mean, I don't know how many parades I sat on hot cement watching my girls tap dance down the street. I mean, I was like, are you kidding me? But but it's what you do, right? Right. And now I see my son going to his kids' games and coaching them and all the time you put in, and that's what you do, right? Yes. I was lucky because it was forced on me because I had children. If you don't have children, I guess it takes more effort to make it not about you. So in life, anything you can do to bring an element of sacrifice. They find this even in health, fasting is a sacrifice and it enhances your health. It's interesting there's a a component of quality of life that is bred by sacrifice. And I think you'll notice that with people that have served in the military who really give up time away from their family and from their fun and their comfort, and they always feel more connected to those they are there with because they are all sacrificing together.
SPEAKER_01:So true.
SPEAKER_03:Right?
SPEAKER_01:Well, and I think too, like some of the conversation or the thought process that I'm running into too in the world is, you know, the sacrifice of how do I maybe you can help me with this. I think it's a sacrifice. It's like, okay, in mental health, like make sure you have your boundaries in place, which is good sometimes because there's people that are hurtful, but boundaries also stop us from, you know, sacrificing time and forgiveness and other things to say, let me understand you more, instead of nope, you make me uncomfortable. I'm cutting you out of my life.
SPEAKER_03:Well said. That's such a great point. And unfortunately, my field of mental health has bought into that.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So they've applaud you for having rigid boundaries, letting nobody into your life. Uh, don't talk to people of a different political party. Like uh, you don't deserve to have put up with that. Now, that said, you're absolutely right. There are people that used to cut out of your life.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:They're toxic, they're damaging, they're not healthy. And I and I unfortunately have had plenty of those people I've worked with in my life that I see why they do what they do. They I mean they really have to enhance the quality of their life by reducing the stress and negativity from those people. But it's gotten the other carte blanche now to where you just you're almost applauded for cutting everybody off that you don't agree with.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And you're you're right about that. There again, like I said about sacrifice and communism, you can go extreme either way, yes, and your life is not balanced. So that's a great point.
SPEAKER_01:No, it's easier. I mean, but uh but but ultimately it's gonna be very very lonely.
SPEAKER_03:And you're not happy. No, I mean, we talk about happiness, right? And happiness has rules. There are things you do to be happy, and if you choose not to do them, you won't be happy. So I don't know why people that are not happy can't figure that out. Like they fight that, the very thing that they're not happy about, instead of saying, okay, maybe I need to change how I look at life, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so number one sacrifice.
SPEAKER_03:It's sacrifice, and I and I really, I really think we need to get back to more of that. Uh I'm I'm reading right now a book that talks about people that came and sacrificed a lot to come to America and early years, like settlers or Norwegian people, and boy, did they really sacrifice a lot to have the freedom to be American. Like that the freedom we don't even understand. So I applaud people who are willing to sacrifice for themselves, their country, for other people. I think it's really, really incredible. So that's number one. Number two, it's interesting. So I'm watching this um TV show, America's Got Talent. And a young man sang, um, it was not particularly noteworthy, and he made it into the finals. But the comment that was made was, you need to be brave. What you took was a safe path. You went the easy route. And if you want to win this, you've got to be brave. And he was very humble about it. He said, I I respect what they said to me, and I will plan that for the final. So whether he wins or loses, my point that I loved is I had thought earlier before that, I think what has made my life work is being brave. Like when I put the color code out many, many years ago, yeah, it never dawned on me that I would worry about criticism. It's a great gift, it's wonderful, it works. I I have to put it out there. And I had many people say to me, Don't you realize how vulnerable you are? And I I really was like, I don't understand why I'm what's so vulnerable about this. You don't agree, you don't agree, but I love what I'm doing and it works, so I'm gonna do it. So I think sometimes people in life aren't brave. Like parents don't take their kids on who need to be taken on. Yeah. Like students that take on teachers and and challenge them in college. I think challenging some of the rules that don't make sense require bravery. Standing up to people like you're in a small group and you're the minority, it takes bravery to do that. And I think the opposite of that is fear and weakness. And I'm gonna talk about that in one of our podcasts about evil is always tied to fear and weakness. Always. So if we're going to counter that in our lives, we have to be brave enough to challenge discomfort and to look foolish or to be uh attacked. Uh yeah, that takes bravery in my mind. And I think sometimes just getting up in the morning and going to your job is brave. Yes. Rather than sitting in it and whining about your life. I don't think whining is ever brave. It doesn't make any it's not brave to me uh to whine about your life. What's brave is facing it. You know, the story about the buffalo and the cows. Uh it's such a great concept. Are you a cow or you're a buffalo? And this client said, I have a son who's very blue, and he's so worried, he worries all the time. And I said, Well, ask him if he's a cow or a buffalo. And she goes, Okay, what does that mean? And I said, Well, when a storm comes, the buffalo faces the storm, moves into it, and the storm passes sooner because they are standing still. And then they can rest. But the cow runs from the storm, and the storm catches them and harasses them and wears them out, and they're exhausted, and they both get beat by the storm, but the cow gets beat up by the storm. And so if you're a buffalo, you face life instead of running from it, and if you are a cow, you run from it. So bravery is the buffalo.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my goodness. You know, I know the this antidote, it like sounds like everybody goes, I think I'm doing that, I think I'm running into the storm. And it's a really great thing you're talking about for me when I look at so somebody very close in my life has somebody in their life that I was having a problem with, right? I was because of some things that were going on. Um not to get too specific, okay? Right. So I kept trying to be okay with it and be just get over it, Kathy. Get over it, get over it. Well, I knew it was unhealthy behavior, right? So I was cowing it. I was cowing it all over the place.
SPEAKER_03:So good. Even though the truth, truth was it's not good. Good for you.
SPEAKER_01:Correct. What I wanted was, I thought what I was doing is getting her, you know, getting the person to to connect with me through through through understanding and agreeing.
SPEAKER_03:Being agreeable. Being agreeable.
SPEAKER_01:And what it was doing to me was pushing her farther away.
SPEAKER_03:Wow. Wow, that's powerful. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So so something happened a couple months ago, and I just I just hit it straight on because it was, I don't know. I I don't do it right. I know I don't do it right. It just came out as it's like blah, you know.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_01:Instead of in a in a calm and hey, let's talk about this way, it came out. And um, and it was hard for three days. And but I tell you, it is we're now resting in the building a real relationship.
SPEAKER_03:The storm passed.
SPEAKER_01:The storm passed, and now we're more comfortable, and there's more respect, which is interesting.
SPEAKER_03:Oh no, there's always more respect when you're brave. No one is no one respects a coward, right? Yeah, you don't expect cows running away. You don't, right? So that's a great point. But but it takes bravery to have that initial confrontation. And so people, and what irritates me is when people do what you were doing, which is aren't I the noble one? I'm being so conciliatory and agreeable. And I'm like, no, you're not. You know what I think about that? Here's what I think about that. If you tell me two plus two equals three, and because I don't want to offend you, I go, well, I guess it could, depending on the day. Yeah. I think I'm noble and empathetic because I'm agreeing with a lack of truth. Yes. So in my mind, bravery says, no, I'm sorry in your mind that represents three, but the truth is it's four. And of course, if you'll come around that at some point, you'll have a better life. But if you don't choose that, that's fair, that's you. But I'm not going to agree with you about a falsehood. So when we agree with people about things we know in our gut are not legit, then I think we're cows instead of buffalo. So that's a great insight. I agree with you. Yeah. And and I I think a lot of us kind of cower in our lives. We don't really speak to the issues. I like, for example, some people get divorced. It's the right thing to do. Yeah. They were very right about their motive, what they did. Other people would never do that because they're more noble and they're miserable, but they will never confront the issue in their marriage, right? And then other people they divorce because they're cows. They're coward, like they're afraid to do the work. Right. So it's not, it's not what you do, it's why you do it that bravery speaks to that I'm looking for.
SPEAKER_01:Well, and you know, the other thing is that we label this, you know, cow conversations, which are not hard and easy and everything seems happy, as happiness. When I think like really buffalo conversations, 14 hard buffalo conversations, ask Paco at least 14 a day.
SPEAKER_03:God bless that man. No, but it you're right though. You're right, they're harder. But they also but the storm passes.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:And the respect is so sincere.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:But I think we've been we've been duped into believing that we're the noble ones by having the coward of the conversations, and we're not. Okay, so number three. Okay. I I'm having uh heartburn about our education system. I am so distraught. My my daughter, who is she is such a fun, fun person, and she taught for several years. She's now back subbing second grade. She said, Dad, I am she's subbing for a man with cancer, and she's doing it because she cares about the man. She goes, but as much as I care about this man, I can't stay in this class longer. If he can't get better, I can't stay here. I said, What's so bad? She goes, They won't listen. They talk constantly. One boy literally just stands up the whole time. Another boy has to go to the bathroom five times in an hour. And I I am so distraught because I tell the parents what is happening that is giving these kids the sense they can just run amok like they do. And she's fun as a teacher. Like she got a gaming and ideas, and so somehow we're not teaching our young people how to grow, how to learn, how to become. So I'm going to read a quote. Plato said, the whole object of education is to teach men to love what is lovable and what is beautiful. And I wonder, are we teaching youth the values and principles that they can love and enough to sacrifice for in life? Are we teaching them principles of learning? For example, so many young people now don't want to go to college. Well, I'm so sorry because I love my college learning. Well, in all fairness to them, are they being taught?
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_03:Are they things that are lovable or are they better doing things on their own that they got a skill they can develop and we're not teaching how to love the good things of life?
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And I I was very fortunate to have gone the extra mile in education. I learned so many things. I learned how to learn. I learned how to think. I loved those concepts, and I love to disagree with people, and I loved all that dynamic. I think unfortunately we've taken that away.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And so that worries me. That's a big issue I have with our society in today. So we don't get if we don't get back to that kind of critical thinking. It's it's like almost in my field of psychology. If I feel something, it is legitimate. And I'm like, just because you feel it doesn't make it legitimate.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_03:Your critical thinking should challenge that feeling. Right. And see if that's legitimate or not. But no, no, no, I feel it. So you can't challenge that. Yeah, I can. Because your feeling isn't helping you. You're not getting any better because you're feeling that. And allowing yourself to legitimize it is making it worse.
SPEAKER_01:Taylor, when you're looking at this and you're looking at like a cycle of, you know, like weather house cycles and and relationships and what's important and politics. Do you think this is like this happens in generations? You know, I do. You do? So you think this is a cycle we're going through?
SPEAKER_03:100%. 100%. Uh you're right, you're right about that. The cycles. I mean, it's so ironic. Even like clothes people wear runs in cycles. Furniture they use runs in cycles. So does mental health, and so does legitimacy. Uh education. Lots uh, they run in cycle. For example, we have run amok for uh quite some time, and now you got heavy-handedness coming back in to kind of bring it right, make it right, and then it'll be too strong, and then we'll go the other direction. People have a hard time just balancing, like doing things within you know how they say moderation is key?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:We don't seem to get moderation very well. So there's always trying to repair or fix something in the cycle from before.
SPEAKER_01:So you think this parenting that's happening that's creating this attitude in kids or or this unhealthy freedom in kids comes from parents that are like want to be, you know, that gentle parenting or want to be their friend or something like that.
SPEAKER_03:And when I hear gentle parenting, I want to throw up. I go absolutely crazy. And you know what? You're gentle parenting at my expense, thanking your kids are ripping things off the shelves. I can't walk down them, but you're saying, honey, is that what we want to do right now? I mean, and here's my problem. Why would someone believe that? Where did somebody come to believe it's wrong to spank a child? Now, obviously, abusing a child is wrong. But hello, when you can't communicate verbally and make sense, why do people have this nonsense belief that you should allow people to run amok until they hurt themselves?
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_03:It makes no sense at all to me.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:But we've allowed that. And oh yeah, again, I'm gonna I'm talking about mental health now. I have to allow that to happen. I have to choose that, and that's on me. So anybody that doesn't own that you bought it, like if you if you're reading a professional on something, don't tell me they taught you, own it. You chose to believe what they taught you.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:And you have a gut feel that you should know something's right or wrong. And if uh it doesn't feel right, act on your feeling that way. If you're legitimate, if it's not working, then maybe you're off. But if somebody says it's the right thing to do professionally and it doesn't feel like it matches with good mental health, you shouldn't be doing it. You should just grab onto it. So and there's always a consequence.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:You you can choose your behavior, but you can't choose the consequence. Right. And nowadays people are going, no, no, here's what I choose the consequence to be this. And you're like, no, you can't choose that. You can choose the behavior, but not the consequence. Talk about entitled. Oh my gosh, I'm entitled. I choose what I do and how the consequence will be.
SPEAKER_01:Doesn't work better. And then I'm a cow if it's not right. Right, that yeah. Exactly.
SPEAKER_03:That's exactly right. The storm, it was the storm's problem, not mine, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_03:So so I I will say that I think people need to be much better at teaching their children to love things they can be passionate about, things that are good, things that are healthy, things that are not selfish, things that are more enhancing. Uh, and just be honest, I also feel like in some ways, let's talk about women for a minute. Many women took the hit for a long time, could never speak to things they wanted to do, careers they wanted to have. I'm not right, I I'm well aware of why some of women, right, have gone another route that have said, no, no, no, now I am picking for me, I'm doing what I want to do.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:I get that. I am not opposed to that. But when it goes to the other extreme, where you know, men have been malicious and mean and who needs them, and that's you're not you're not progressing. You're going backward, right? So balancing that, stepping into the into the path that works for you so you have a meaningful life, but not at the expense of others, and not in an unhealthy way, is very, very hard for people to do.
SPEAKER_01:Well, when you and that's just such an easy place to green light anger in that moment. It's like, you know, when you go, I'm allowed to be angry because of A, B, and C. And then the anger takes over. I mean, that's what I see. That's very good. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I love your comment, green light anger.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I really do think you're right about that. I have a right to my anger, and off they go. On everything.
SPEAKER_01:And the minute you say no, you don't, they have all the statistics of why, which is like, great. Yes, that is maybe those are facts.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, it's a great point. Well, you what I want to say to them is look at you. Yes. Look at you and how you're doing your life. Is that really where you want to be? And often I'll get back, well, you would you wouldn't understand because you're not me or what? Okay, but I'm just telling you, look at you. Is that really who you want to be? So, I mean, there may be a place for anger, but certainly not a lifestyle.
SPEAKER_01:No.
SPEAKER_03:And I think that's what you're referring to.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Well, because it becomes like a uh, you know, I I I don't know what the place for anger is. I mean, I'm sure it's like a response.
SPEAKER_03:There's always something behind anger that's not the only thing behind anger is powerlessness.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Every time you're powerless, you will naturally be angry. So your goal is to how do you find power again? How do you get back in in sync with power?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So you either let it go, just dismiss it, doesn't matter, or you go back around the cycle to find your power. Where's my power lie? That's what you need to do.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's right. The anger cycle. Yeah, that's good. We uh we should let's take that apart in one of our our future podcasts.
SPEAKER_03:That's really good. Yeah. That's great. Okay. Okay, so the next one, uh, number four, is curiosity. I get so discouraged when I see people, especially young people, but also old people, who have are they bored. They they're bored. They have no interest in new things. I mean, I'm married to the most curious person in the world. Like literally, she is always ahead of the game. Like planning, creating, uh, coming up with new things. And uh it's so enriching. It makes life interesting as opposed to boring. Like when people are bored, they're all self-oriented. Like it educate me. I mean it entertain me.
SPEAKER_01:I just uh this is this is one that I feel is so and I think it's in response to all of the that everything is just fed into you. You don't have to do work for anything.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:To me, I don't know. That's the way it feels like to me. I can sit down and watch, and I'm not opposed to television, I watch TV, but I can sit down in it and I don't have to.
SPEAKER_03:Numbs you out.
SPEAKER_01:It kind of. There's a lot of things that numb you out.
SPEAKER_03:That and drugs. I mean, that's what a lot of people get into drugs, just numb me. I don't want to feel, right? But do you remember when you were a child and you would go create your fun? You would go do those things that made that happen. Yes. And you're right though. I can sit on my couch now and expect the world to entertain me. And it does. And it does.
SPEAKER_01:So on 78 channels.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, exactly exactly. So if you don't take responsibility for what really does interest me, like I love to read. I there's nothing I'm not really interested in reading. Nonfiction fiction, I love that. So I'm curious what's the latest insight that are going on. Yeah. If someone else has no desire to read, it's fine. You don't have to have an interest in something like cars, into volunteering places. I mean, it doesn't matter where your curiosity goes. Make sure you have curiosity.
SPEAKER_01:How do you think so? I can build that. I can I can start being curious. Right. Right? You have you seen people change and become curious?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. I've actually seen people fall in love with something they never even felt they cared about. And all of a sudden it's this, it's so interesting to them. Like building trains and train tracks and and um different aspects of life that they did not know they were interested in. Photography. I've seen some people just say, I had no desire. All of a sudden I'm fascinated by it. So they see life differently when they find something to be curious about.
SPEAKER_01:Is lack of curiosity from laziness?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I am not really I'm not quite sure why people lack curiosity. Sometimes it's arrogance. Oh I don't need to be told anything else. I I know what I need to know. Um sometimes laziness, I don't want to do the work. Uh sometimes being spoon fed. Uh, you don't develop the the skill to actually because curiosity takes a willingness to go places in your brain. You have to be willing to be unlearned, like humble, I don't know what I'm doing. There's a lot more dimension to it, I think, than just the word. Sure. But I think people that are not curious live very limited lives. And and it's so interesting. The more I make it about me in life, the less likely I am to be curious about you. And so making it about me kind of keeps curiosity off the radar. But if I'm interested in you, well, I have a whole new world which is yours, that is interesting to me. So you bring by being interested in who you are, whether it's a grandchild or a friend or a kind of um an aspect of learning, whatever it might be, I broaden my horizons by 10, by 100.
SPEAKER_01:Is most making it about me from insecurity or confidence or lack of ego? Are your egos messed up?
SPEAKER_03:You're great, spot on for all those, all the above. The most deadly sin is insecurity by far. More damage is done to our lives and others because of insecurity than any other thing. So I'm sure insecurity is the root of that, but also all the things you talked about were also excellent and agreed. Okay, so that's curiosity. Number four, number five is gratitude. So I have discovered that the healthier amount of gratitude someone lives in, the better level of mental health they enjoy. Which intrigues me. So I'm not talking about intellectually smart now. I'm talking about emotionally grateful people who if you were to look at your children, you can see those who are more grateful than others. It's just in their being. When something happens, they thank you for it.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:Others don't. They take it for granted. They don't think to, whatever it might be. If you look at the quality of life they share in mental health, you will see uh a natural blending. It's very interesting how that happens. It's somehow being outside of yourself again, like appreciating what others do for you, appreciating nature, for example. That's God given. You didn't create that, right? It's appreciating the beauty of it. Whereas some people are like, I don't I didn't even notice that. Or if your uh spouse cleans the house, do you notice it and do you thank them? And it's worse if somebody has it taken away from them and then they do. I'm like, well, good, glad you did, but you missed it. The opportunity when it could happen, right? Yes. So I think gratitude's a big one. I think that's a huge one. Learning to see the gifts you have been blessed with daily by so many different people across the board.
SPEAKER_01:Do you think as a rule, is it untouchable in terms of colours, you know, red, blue, yellow, and white? Or is it do you think gratitude is easier for a color?
SPEAKER_03:Oh, that's very good. Well, I would it's ironic. I think yellows by nature are grateful for quality of life. I don't think they express it as often as they probably should. Blues are the best and the worst. They are the ones that are truly, I think, the most generous with gratitude, and when they're sick, they're the worst.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:They I would be grateful if you did this. I'm like, oh my gosh, you missed the whole point. So again, there's that blues thing where they are truly, you can't beat them when they're legit, because they have a nature of of thoughtfulness and gratitude. Right. But boy, when it doesn't go their way and they're sick, it's like they're the least grateful. Yeah. Reds, I think, are grateful in a more pragmatic kind of way. They see things more matter-of-fact. And whites, whites don't express it very often. So I was interesting. I had a white granddaughter just reach out to me. She's in college on a cheer team, 18 years old, and she said, I was just thinking about you, Bubba. I just wanted to know I was I love you. And I thought, and she's white. I said, that was so gracious. Like how thoughtful to take the time to do something like that. So I I think whites don't like to feel awkward or uncomfortable. So that may make it uncomfortable for them, but I'm not sure that they don't think about it inside their own head.
SPEAKER_01:So and that's as powerful as just feeling it is what you want to get to. It doesn't need to have an action of saying it out loud.
SPEAKER_03:No, so true. I mean, just the the feeling of gratitude can be never expressed even. It can be just experienced. And that's wonderful. It because it comes from the heart. That's a very clean thing, right? The motive is very clean, whether you say it or you don't say it, right?
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:And then my last one, uh, number six, is faith. Faith has been a huge win for me in my life. I I was born with it. I don't struggle with it. It's never been hard for me to believe that in the end it will all be good. And I am very, very fortunate not to have that dilemma in my mind. I have this incredible strong faith in God, in Jesus Christ, in that dynamic. And I think it has guided me. Like there's times when I have not wanted to go that route because I think the natural man is an enemy, pushes against God, always like disobedient. It has helped me humble myself. Like, you know, maybe like like I didn't even think when I was younger, like I really I really was on fire. Like I loved life. And I was gonna go travel. My life was going to be traveling. And I would not have married, I would have gone and done that. And I think I was very blessed to have Gene come into my life. And she smartly said, Well, wouldn't you rather travel with me than with your friend? And I said, Well, actually, yes. I good perks, good perks and then, and that changed the direction of my life. Yeah, literally changed it. So having a belief that I am not God, that there's someone better, stronger, more capable in charge has freed me to live my life more abundantly in my mind. Wow. So that's been helpful.
SPEAKER_01:Wow. That is yes.
SPEAKER_03:And I will tell you, I feel for people that don't have that. I uh there are certain people that they just they just can't get behind it. Like they just double check everything and they're angry at God or they don't they hold him hostage, or I I mean, I I get they're real. I mean, that's what they're feeling. That's what they do. I just don't have that. It doesn't come from that place with me. So I feel very fortunate in that arena.
SPEAKER_01:You you just came with it.
SPEAKER_03:I did. I've always had it. It's never been I've never fought it, I've never struggled with it. I've always believed in in in talking with him and that kind of thing. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And you've seen you've seen people that have flipped that coin that didn't and do now, and it's changed their life.
SPEAKER_03:They're different. They're they're I think it was John Boy that, oh my gosh, he was so night and day. Yeah. And then he decided to go do service, stop making it about you. And he was really successful, like good, but he was so selfish. Like his whole life was about him. And now you see him like struggling trying to help lives get better, and you're like, he's so alive, he's so happy, he's so in biting of life. So I've I have definitely seen that happen. But it takes a choice. In his case, for example, I give him more credit than me because I didn't yeah, I don't remember choosing. I've always done it. But he chose, and I really respect that when someone goes, I think I'm barking up the wrong tree. I'm gonna try something different, and then to see it evolve, because you don't know it, you don't get the blessing of faith until you exude it. You have to do it first, and so that's the difference.
SPEAKER_01:When you say you came with it, do you think people are born with that?
SPEAKER_03:Absolutely. Well, I'm not the only one. Oh, yeah, absolutely. It's like people that are born with confidence, people are born with offable. I mean, people come with different gifts. One of mine is faith. I I've not had to work at it. So that's why I really would I admire people who figure that out on their own and choose it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I I think I have worked on that one in my life because I do think sometimes that curiosity, like you talked about, one of the things is an interesting thing with, you know, especially going through college and what I heard in college about, you know, you take comparative religions or you take a geology class and they talk about, you know, how the earth got here, right? You're like, okay, yeah, you know, and and and the fossils and what they say, and this couldn't happen, and the flood couldn't have happened. Right. It was it's a it's a great point. So you never had that.
SPEAKER_03:No. I I mean I heard for what it was, but in my mind, every time people try and trump God, they lose. Like every time. Like at the end of the day, good luck, it's not gonna work. So, but you're right. But your point is really, really valid. Like for a lot of people, they there are stumbling blocks that are put in our way, even things that like you lose a child to death, or there are things that happen. Yes, the challenging issues in college. You're absolutely right about that. Yes. Uh uh, you're you get divorced, somebody thought you would have thought there was something they're not, and then you have to go through that. And then like, do I really believe God was had his hand in my life, or did he not? Or I get that. But yeah, I you're right. When I talk about talents, there are different talents. One or mine is faith.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's that's cool. I never thought of that.
SPEAKER_03:All right, we gotta quit today. We're done for today. Over.
SPEAKER_01:You're not the boss. Are you the boss?
SPEAKER_03:Oh you are the boss. The one time I'm the boss in my life. And I'm taking full advantage of it. Okay, okay, fine. Uh, you know what, listeners, we love you. We're grateful that you're along this ride with us, this journey. We hope this is helpful to you. That's why we do it. And uh, we look forward to every time we meet. So enjoy your week. Hope it's wonderful. We love you, and we'll sign up for now. Bye now.
SPEAKER_01:Thanks. Love you guys. Bye bye.