Why Clean Motives Matter More Than Perfect Outcomes

The comforts got easier and the feelings got harder. We carry powerful tools in our pockets, yet anxiety and disconnection keep rising. Today we get honest about what technology can and can’t do for mental health, why presence beats speed, and how clean motives reshape every relationship—especially in parenting. We also introduce our new parenting workbook designed to help you see your child’s core motive, practice loving boundaries, and build character through small, daily choices.

We take a clear-eyed look at the three big shapers of a life—family, religion, and education. Each can lift or wound. Education expands when it teaches curiosity; it fails when it trades inquiry for proselytizing. Religion heals when grace leads; it harms when rules replace relationship. Family can be a sanctuary or a scar, and those early signals echo into adulthood. You can’t control every system, but you can control your motive inside them: tell the truth, ask clean questions, set sturdy boundaries, and choose connection over performance.

We dig into the fear that blocks repair: the text that goes unanswered, the call we avoid making, the resentment we narrate to everyone except the person who matters. The antidote is practice. Like learning a language, you get fluent in relationships by speaking up and getting corrected. Clean motives won’t guarantee outcomes, but they will protect your integrity and invite trust. We share practical steps to risk more wisely, date with courage in a disconnected era, and parent with clarity so kids grow resilient instead of fragile.

If this conversation resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who needs a nudge toward honest talk, and leave a quick review. Tell us: what’s one brave, clean-motive step you’ll take this week?

Take the Personality and Character Profiles at TaylorHartman.com.

Send questions and comments to Taylor@TaylorHartman.com  Or Cathy@TaylorHartman.com with “Podcast” in the subject line.

Transcript

Setting The Stage: Progress And Strain

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Hello, listeners. This is Dr. Taylor Hartman with the very best of living. I'm hoping that it is the best of living in your life right now. Every decade is different and brings more opportunities. Some are harder than others, but the very best of living means making the best in the moment that you're in. And I'm with my good friend Kat Larson, who does that, by the way. So, Kat, how are you?

SPEAKER_01 0:35

I'm very good. So I had I was thinking about this yesterday. Do you have, like, do you remember thinking 2026, like when you were young? And like, I mean, do you ever do that? Like 2026, we're gonna be doing what? Or do you have uh is it surprising you where we are, like in the world in 2026?

Tech’s Cognitive Gains, Emotional Gaps

SPEAKER_00 0:54

No, oh, but only because I don't think that way. But if you ever to think that way, yes, yes, I'd be fascinated. Like, like kind of stunned. But you know what's funny about that? I think the world does more like circular trends, yes, anyway. Although I do think, I'll be honest with you, we are at a more challenging time than ever because of these advances we've made that I'm not sure humanity has been able to keep up with. And I mean that like in terms of like the iPhone came in. I love my iPhone, but I can see why, as a 12-year-old boy, I would not manage scrolling well at all. I could get sucked into that dynamic. And where they show literally 2010 when it was introduced, people's neurosis got worse. Yeah, negativity, anxiety, because we're imposing on young people things that they're not prepared for. So but I I love the I love the comforts. I mean, I I look at some of these movies of people how they lived in the old days, and like, oh no, I don't think I want to do that. Like, I like to shower every day. Yeah every day. Yeah, I I I just I do look at the comforts we have been blessed with, and and yet there's some challenges today. Like it's it's pretty interesting to me what we're trying to navigate. So yeah, I what do you think about that?

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Yeah, um, I'm I am surprised that not surprised, but you know, all of the stuff that I think people really do with a good motive, all of the people that design and develop and have these brilliant brains to say, let's do this to make life better for people. And, you know, I I was listening to something, I can't remember what it was, but they were talking about the fact that, yeah, all of this stuff is cognitively taking over and helping us cognitively. Like you can get on and you can do things that your brain maybe isn't fast enough to do or can't do. But but what has gotten definitely left in the dust is kind of the kind of work we do, which is the connection and the seeing people and the understanding and how to build relationships. And that's where I never get afraid of like I had a client with that I was talking to, and they were like, you know, people can get on AI and get coaching. And I go, you sure can. Um but but in that that being seen, you know, talking with somebody, somebody who challenges you, you're the you're the king of that, you know, like being able to go now, hold on.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

But I just I love that idea of, yeah, cognitively, yeah, great. You have done it all for us. Emotionally, we're being left in the dust.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

Yeah, I I I would agree with you. The humanity piece is very, very critical. And I I've thought about that many times, by the way. I am very impressed with AI, a lot of things it can do. I'm very, very excited about. But as I'm sitting with a client and I'm working with them, I'm like, oh no, your mind's not as quick as a computer, but it's smarter. Like you're coming up with insights it would not have come up with by being present with that person.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

So that's exactly present with them.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

Yeah. Yeah. Yep.

Defining Good Mental Health

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's so good.

Launching The Parenting Workbook

Institutions That Shape Us

SPEAKER_00 4:09

I yeah, I well, I love what we do. I think it's a very, very fun field to be in, but I've never been more disappointed in how we have failed in mental health. Like it has never been as bad as it is right now. I don't know, that's totally true. Like mental health wasn't even looked at before. I think a lot of people never even thought about their mental health, they just went through life and did what they had to do. But since we have been able to spend energy on our mental health, I think we're going backwards in some ways. And that disappoints me. We're validating things that are not necessarily healthy for mental health and allowing people to get away with that. So I thought we should talk about that a little bit today. We have a brand new parenting workbook out on our website. It's wonderful, it's really exciting. I would think if anybody is a parent and wants to go through the process with their child, this is a must-have. Like honestly, you you'll love the process. You'll love going through getting to know your child uh in a way you would never do without it. That's what I love. So that's kind of funny. I thought we should talk about that a little bit today. Um parenting and how it impacts people. At the end of the day, parents do make a difference. Good or bad, they make a difference. And everybody has them. Uh, even if they're non-existent, they go away early. Uh they're still exist, they still matter, right? And I was thinking about that in terms of like, let's talk about three major institutions family, religion, and education. Those are three big paradigms of life experience. And I was thinking about let's let's just go with like education for a minute. It saddens me the number of people that have been turned off to getting an education because of finances or because of I want to earn money quicker, or sadly, because what I'm learning doesn't help me. I'm not gonna gain anything in the world by doing this class that I'm taking. And for that, I mean I I I apologize because I did that same thing. I I took classes I'm not gonna use. I'll never use. I had a data girl whole semester go through statistics, or I wouldn't have I wouldn't have passed. So it was awful, but it worked.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

And save the data girl to get through statistics.

Education’s Promise And Pitfalls

SPEAKER_00 6:33

Well, I told her I'll stay with you for four months, but here's the deal you have to help me. And I have a lot of fun, and you're smart, so let's make this work. And so she was great, and it worked, it was great. Oh my goodness. I I think that what's sad to me is how far south teachers have gone in mass to where they don't teach anymore, they proselytize. And I don't think that's fair for students to feel vulnerable that they're gonna be taught things that are different than the education they should be getting. And we damaged them. We did not give them the experience they deserved as a student. So on that front, I have issues with education. Am I still an advocate of education? Yes. I think it broadens your horizon, it makes you a more rounded person, it lifts your your ability to understand different people and different things in life. So I'm a strong believer in that. But I do think every institution has vulnerability of damaging or enhancing. So I I think about religion. I was raised LDS and it's so interesting to me everybody's raised, like if you raised LDS, everybody has a different experience. Like I I was taught that rules are important. I had a very red mother. Like you're gonna show up, you're gonna do the things you need to do. That's part of the deal. You can't avoid that. But I was also taught that rules don't save, Jesus saves. So, oh, okay. So maybe if I have a caffeine, that's not the end of the world. Whereas others are taught, no, no, you know, you can't have caffeine. So that's that's a rule, and you're breaking it. I'm like, well, okay, I think the savior is gonna save me from that, but okay, it's probably still a good rule, right? Caffeine's not good for you.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Right.

Religion, Rules, And Lived Experience

SPEAKER_00 8:29

But then I have other people who that's all they got were rules. They never got anything more of spirituality, or like who's God? Like what's what's a relationship with him feel like? So my reaction is they're raised in the same religion but had a total different experience in the process. So again, I look at institutions and I say, okay, so how did they impact you? Were they taught you from a good perspective or from a damaging perspective? Same with education, same with religion, right? Let's go and look at uh family. Like some people were not valued. I still think about that young oh my gosh. He was about 50 years old when I worked with him. This is a business consulting I was doing with a company, and we're doing retreats. And this man is about 50 years old and wept one night in speaking with me and said, My father never believed I was his child. So he would not feed me. I would sit at the table and I would not eat. He would not feed me. And I didn't know why. I thought he just hated me. Well, come to find out later on, my mother had had an affair, I wasn't his child, and I was punished for it. So his sense of family was totally different than mine. So when I say I value family, what he would say is, in what way? Like it didn't work for me at all. All I was was damaged by it. So again, I see this unit that's so critical, so valuable, and yet it can be done in a way that's so hostile that it leaves someone adrift. Whereas for me, it was actually enhanced. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Yes. And it was in it was enhanced based on your core motive, kind of like what we talked about last month, right? Like because of who you were, another person might have taken that as good point, right?

Family Wounds And Lasting Imprints

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Yeah. No, you're absolutely right. Is that the is that the conclusion that well, in this case, I just feel bad for this young man as a boy not being valued and wanted. But you also have to own, like, how did you impact the family you came to? Like, what was it, what did you do with that? But in his situation, I feel bad for him. They was truly not valued in a family setting, right? And I look at I look at young people today, Kat. I have I have serious concerns. Like I feel bad for single people. When I was single, I loved being single. I mean, I loved everything about it. Like it was fun. It was, I could always get a date. I like my freedom. I could make my own way financially. I mean, what what's not to like? Right. But but I don't think that's true today. I think a lot of people are struggling with I can't find someone, I can't meet them, we're not going to school like we used to go. People are more uh blocked off. COVID didn't help. And so I see a lot of people that are dying to have a relationship, but they can't find a means to make it happen. Right. And that does not bode well for society. Because if you don't have young men, young women connecting, and you don't have them making babies and providing a new population and strong families, you don't have something to look forward to. So I don't think we've done a very good job in that scenario. I also look at that in terms of the feminist movement. I am a strong believer in women being able to be independent and making their way and contributing society equal with men. I don't understand that dynamic where people are women or less. I don't even get that, but it's so not true in the first place. And number two, why would you want that? Right. But look what has happened now that we've kind of dismissed men and their growth and their responsibility as protectors and providers, to where now many women are saying, I don't need a man. Like I can do everything I'm doing. So why do I want that? Although I still say there are many healthy women that are like, no, I do want a man. I want a partner. I want to share my life with somebody. And they and I deserve someone who's going to put in as much as I put in as well. I get that also. But I I do I do think it's kind of skitty wonkous. Like I really don't think our society gears well towards growing a society that's healthy. I think it's very different.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

What would you, I mean, like real life steps right now? Like as a doctor, you would look at this and say, do more this. I mean, we're probably doing it right here, like in some way, like being able to provide self-awareness and emotional intelligence. And you know, but what do you think that people are just bypassing that? Like they don't think it works, it takes too much work. What are your what do you think?

SPEAKER_00 13:25

I I think it's harder for people to own their role and why it's not working. Like you have to put yourself out there. You have to risk. You have to make it has to be personal and present. You have to actually call someone. You have to make an effort to be rejected. You have to try harder than I did in my day to meet people. And I think we're not doing that. We're offering them scrolling, um, stay home, play video games. We're not giving people an outlet to really meet each other and challenging them, like giving them a perspective. I don't think we're giving the perspective of why it's wonderful to move forward in your life. Like when I was single, I loved my life, but I wasn't progressing like you do in marriage.

unknown 14:13

Right.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

I mean, there's another transition, right? When you're married, like you don't progress like you do when you have kids. Okay, so there's a progression. Like there's opportunities to progress and to grow that I don't know that we're giving people that same transition that we used to give them. And I would like more of that, more of that opportunity.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

I I was gonna ask you this question. I think we touched on it a while ago, but it is something that I'm noticing, and I always ask people this, whether it's family or friends or or or talking to a client or anything like that, is something will happen that somebody's not happy with, right?

SPEAKER_02 14:50

Yeah.

Dating, Disconnection, And Society’s Drift

SPEAKER_01 14:51

This person called me. I I I texted them and said, please call me. And it was seven days later, and I was so mad. And then when they called me, and so then I said, Well, did you tell them? No, yeah. I mean, they've told me 15 minutes how they felt and what why would I do that? Well, well, I but it's but it's kind of rampant, at least in my world. I don't know if you see that or you're aware of that, or if you're if you're being aware of that, or if it's just, but it's like, why aren't you saying something?

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Yeah, yeah. And what's the answer? You know the answer.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

I'm afraid.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

Yes, it's all fear-based, right?

SPEAKER_01 15:25

And and what it and mostly they're afraid of they're gonna break something. And then my I keep saying, but it's already broken. If they're not, if they're if you text them and say, They're not responding, they're not responding. That's broke, but more broke than I think that's the biggest broke.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

If I don't it is, I don't want to hear it. So I would rather sit in my anger at you breaking our relationship than me owning that I broke it. And you know what's sad about that, Kat? It really is true. I go to other people who have also not been text back to validate why I was not wrong. Instead of going to someone like you who would say, Well, why didn't you say something? Why didn't you text them back? Right? Which is the right thing to say. That's called good mental health. I don't, and you know what's sad about that, Kat? I don't think we have a good definition of good mental health. To me, I know what it is. I feel it, I can see it, I can taste it, I know exactly when it's not there, I know exactly when it's there. But I don't think a lot of people do.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

But I want to say something right here because I think it's important for our for our listeners.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

One thing that action item walking away from color code, and and most of our listeners have done it or swam in it, or if you haven't, jump in, is that that piece that is what you just said is not unique to you having a PhD in psychology or writing a book. What you just said is the tool that you created that everybody uses is that's what it gives me. Right. It makes me go, oh, this is clean. I get it, because I think people do this. Well, do I have a right to say that? Well, maybe I'm being unhealthy. Am I being too needy? Yeah. Is it a, you know, maybe I should just leave them alone. Oh, they're right. You know, I'm the broken one. I mean, there that goes on too. Right. So what you said is so good, and getting there is not just the small percentage of people that have a doctorate that can afford to say that, right?

SPEAKER_00 17:22

Not at all. In fact, the gift I gave the world is so simple and so true. If they would just use it, they don't need a PhD.

unknown 17:32

Right.

Fear, Avoidance, And Honest Repair

SPEAKER_00 17:32

They just need to be willing to use the tool. Right. I'm always fascinated by that. Uh, like I would work with some people and they would say, Oh, I never thought about applying that to my kid, or I never thought about applying that to my business. I'm like, why would you not apply color code to everything in your life? Like it just frees you, and it also helps you know when you're clean and when you're dirty, when you're operating in good mental health and when you're not. And and it's, you know, you and I have been in this long enough that we know it, you can actually see it a mile away. Like when someone is not mentally healthy, it's so blatant. And you're like, you're sitting in it. Why can't you see it? Like it's you that's doing this. But instead, they wallow. And I think we need more of this in in life to be happy and healthy than anything that's out there right now. Learn what is good mental health and practice it.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Well, and I was listening to a podcast that Adam Grant was on, and he was talking about people that are polygots, which is people that speak more than one language, like six, seven, eight languages. Yeah. And how they get there, right? How do they get to doing that? And and these are people that flunked high school Spanish.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Isn't that funny?

SPEAKER_01 18:45

You don't have a language gene, is what it right. So what he was talking about was the fact that what they do is they just start messing up. They talk it, they're wrong, they do it, they they just they just start saying things that are wrong, and people will in in the language, right? Yes, they don't wait till they know it. And I kind of have been, you know, since I listened to that, applying that in my life of just say it, you're gonna fail. You're gonna fail.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and be okay with that. Oh, I love that. I love that. You know, when I was a missionary in Denmark, the way I got the language was I would talk to kids. Oh, because I would just say anything and they will correct you. They'll tell you, they'll laugh, they'll tell you whatever. But if you don't risk it, you'll never learn it. So you are so you're spot on. If you don't try it, you'll never get it right. And you're right, and you're gonna fail. Oh bad is that, right? But then that has to do with self-esteem.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

You have to be okay with someone laughing at you or making a mistake, and that's hard for certain colors. They have a hard time putting themselves out there and not looking good. But what you don't understand is if I'm trying to date and I reach out to you and you reject me, it's not my loss, it's yours. You're the one stuck. I did the right thing. That was good. Now don't blow a tailor and hate yourself because you were rejected.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

No, that's right. And you know what, as we're talking, you kind of started with the parenting book. I think one thing that that it comes with a child's profile, by the way, and then a bunch of activities for yourself as a parent and with your child. And what it is, it's like really learning to appreciate the distinctions between the motives. And as we're talking, it's like I know most of the people that talk to me about all of this is happening, but I don't want to say it because I don't want to hurt are a lot of blue people. Yeah. So blue parents that don't know how to have a maybe a conversation with their child who isn't blue, right? Yeah. Um, and and it starts that early.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

A loving conversation, do it in a way that's loving, but also uses their skill of criticism. Like they see things that are better or wrong or whatever, but how do I love them such that I can be heard when I'm critical?

SPEAKER_01 21:03

Right.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Right. Yeah.

Color Code As A Practical Tool

SPEAKER_01 21:05

Yeah. All of those activities are in there. And and and the reason I bring that up is because I think if you start in, you know, like helping your kid with that foundation at seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, that maybe we won't be having these conversations in 10 years about what do I do? How do I have a conversation? How do I conflict? How do I make this relationship better just by you know what? My default is I'm just gonna shut up. Right. And I'm gonna shove it down, and then it's going to come up in other ways. Sorry, nothing, nothing gets shoved down and put away from it.

SPEAKER_00 21:37

It always comes out. It always comes out. And it's worse because when it comes out, it's not tied to the real issue. So you're like, where'd that come from? No, you know what? I love that comment. I'm so glad you said that. Be willing to make mistakes, even with mental health. It's still better off, like you just said, like, say something, and they say, Well, if I really wanted you, I would have messaged you back. Well, that hurts. But now it's better to know that now than sit there for seven days wondering whether you're interested or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:07

But I like that. Make mistakes. I like that. You don't have to do it perfectly or always write. Get exposed. Be vulnerable. Like put it out there. If your goal is to learn the language, right? That's your goal. So the means of getting there can have all sorts of mistakes in it and caveats. The same is true with relationships. If your relationship is the goal, it's okay to make mistakes. If you really want the relationship, that's the essence of it.

unknown 22:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

But if my goal, yeah. Yeah, if my goal is safety, that's fear. So I can, I'm lying and saying it's the relationship, but it's not. It's safety. It's fear. Right? So again, I I will say it's kind of interesting to me. I've been thinking about that lately. I was born with a lot of faith. I always have faith. Faith, life will work, faith that people are good, faith that in the end it'll be fine. There are people that don't have that. They just is not an internal piece of them. They're very good at other kinds of gifts like vision or producing, but not faith. If they don't do it, it's not okay. I have to make it happen. Nobody else, including God, can be part of that. I think you have to develop a sense of faith that you'll be okay if you make mistakes. That it'll be those some will come tomorrow, even if this doesn't work out. Again, back to motive. If my motive is good and clean, in the end, I will be okay. If my motive is dirty, there will be a brick wall. I will hit a wall. Something will happen that will prevent me from progressing. So it's like you'll know.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

Yeah. And for me, the the clarification of that is if my motive is clean, it doesn't always mean that the outcome I want is the outcome I get.

Fail Forward: Learn By Speaking Up

SPEAKER_00 24:03

Thank you. It's so true. People are tied to the outcome, and when it doesn't go well, they're like, well, that was stupid. I shouldn't have done that. Like what? That's the last thing you should say. You should say, I'm glad I found out. Good to know. Right. You can't guarantee the outcome. There's other people involved. All you can guarantee is your motive for putting it out there. Right. So I love that you made that point. Again, I'm sabotaging myself by saying the outcome determines whether my motive is clean. What? It does. No. If you've ever raised a teenager, you know that can't be true. So I think it's very important people understand that you want you want to speak all four languages. You want to be a polygon. And you have to make mistakes in doing that. But if your goal is the relationship and not the end result, not working out the way you think it should work out, then I promise you you'll be happy. It will be, it won't matter if you make mistakes. And by the way, people are very forgiving of people who have good motives.

unknown 25:11

Yes.

Parenting By Motive, Not Fear

SPEAKER_00 25:12

They're very forgiving of that. Like if I do something bad, but I don't have ill intent, people forgive me all the time. When I have a dirty motive, if I cover it the best way possible, you'd be surprised anyone will figure it out. I always get exposed. It comes out at some point, right? Because I won't get the results I want. Then I react negatively and it comes out. I get exposed anyway. So it's so important to want a relationship. That's what you want. How can I build a relationship and forget about the end result? That's totally irrelevant. All that matters is the motive for wanting the relationship. Now, just so our listeners understand, I I'm very needy, let's say. So I say I want the relationship. What I really want is you to want me more than you're wanting me. But I want the relationship. I think. And what you're hearing is I feel trapped, I feel controlled, I feel demanded of, I feel I'm not enough. And I am oblivious to that because I'm thinking I want the relationship. So I have to get really clear like, is my motive I want the relationship, like I want you to be okay with me, and I want to be close to you in a way that works comfortable for you. Or am I wanting to control you? Am I wanting to define you? Am I wanting you to make me okay? Does that make different it's it's the motive is so different. But I think a lot of people get caught up thinking, I have a good motive. There's nothing wrong with what I'm wanting, and therefore you're the problem. Oh so starting with what's my motive? Why why am I really doing this? Right? Like, do I want my kid to love me and want me? So I'm gonna give them something I shouldn't. Well, that's a bad motive. So when it doesn't work out for me, they don't respond the way I think they should, I'm butthurt, but I'm the one that put it in motion. And again, that's good mental health. So I don't want our listeners to think I don't think it's hard. I've done this my whole life. It came to me naturally. You know, as much as you've worked on it, it's not like it's overnight. Like I want people to know. I talk about it very comfortably, but that's like somebody who's really good at sports just talks about a sport that comes to them naturally. It doesn't mean they're wrong. It doesn't mean their take on sports is wrong. It just means you have to be empathetic to people. That is not their forte. Like they don't naturally come with good self-esteem. They don't naturally come loving, they don't naturally come with faith. They don't come with that. But I don't want anyone listening to think you can't have it. I don't want anyone to believe that. It's like the people that the polygot that you're saying, they were told they don't have the gene for languages, but now they're finding they do, right? Right. I want our listeners to know you can have good mental health. You literally can learn how to be good at this field, and your life is so different with good mental health. I mean, it's so much more meaningful than intellect, than physical fitness. It's so much more meaningful than almost anything other than spirituality. Seriously.

SPEAKER_01 28:36

Well, and the path is there too, because I mean we talk about this a lot, but I think we forget that you might not come with that gene of loving easily. Right. But there's a character path that is potential. Your potential is. And what we do is we go, I'm not really great at that, but I'm really good at this. So I'm just gonna stay over here because I'm really good at this other thing.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

Good point. I don't want to fail. I don't want to make a mistake, but I'm gonna stay where I'm strong.

SPEAKER_01 29:05

That's right. And then I don't step into the character path, which you know, you have it all lined out how to do it, how to feel, what the components are, what the critical pieces are. So I think that that is as as even as parents, not even and as parents, that where we started is in when you talked about, you know, the religion and the businesses and families.

SPEAKER_00 29:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 29:30

Yeah. Our family's really good at having fun. You know what we're not really good at is you know sitting down and having deep conversations.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

Yes, yes. No, you know what? That is so good. That really is true. Like we stayed limited.

SPEAKER_02 29:44

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

Instead of saying, okay, all right, what could I learn to do better that would make my life better? Yes. And more expansive. Yes, yes. And I I I'm sure you experience this, Kat. Every time I have learned another language, to speak the language of a white or or blue or red, my life is abundantly blessed.

unknown 30:06

Oh, yeah.

Clean Motives Over Desired Outcomes

SPEAKER_00 30:07

Every time. Oh, yeah. There are such beautiful gifts in all the other colors that if I don't embrace those and develop those skills, my life is limited.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

So 100%. We can sing all we want about unlimited from wicked, but we have to do it. We have to actually think that way. How do you become unlimited, right? Well, get out of your safe space and risk, make mistakes, call someone, reach out, do things that are not comfortable. Because you're right, by the way, the longer we stay stuck in our own little world, we're not going to expand. We'll never grow. Yeah. It's a very interesting challenge in life. You ask yourself, so what did I learn this year? What have I developed this year that would give me a new name? Like, what would my name be based on what I did this year? That kind of thing, right?

SPEAKER_02 31:02

What's yours?

SPEAKER_00 31:03

Uh for me, it's uh patience. Like I have really learned a lot about letting it go. Like just giving it time. It's not the end of the world, it doesn't have to happen tomorrow. I'm much more patient with myself and with others today than I was before. And I'm happier. Like it actually is better. I'm not holding people responsible and beating them up and you know, telling them what their problem is because they didn't make my life work. Ow. That's been mine. What about you?

SPEAKER_01 31:36

I don't think I've nailed it, but I would say accepting, like um you know, um probably really focused on family members, like you know, this is who they are.

SPEAKER_00 31:48

And um, yeah, that's good. And let it be.

SPEAKER_01 31:52

Say again, let it be. You said it, you said it a while ago, or on another podcast. It's like accept who they are. This is who they are.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

Well, remember that time we talked about giving gifts, don't give a gift if they don't want it.

SPEAKER_01 32:05

Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:05

It's kind of like that. Like, okay, right, that's who they are, and they're fine with that. That's not my job to fix that, right? To make it different. They didn't ask for it, right? But in the past, we would make ourselves honor ourselves by challenging them, thinking we're making them better people when all we were doing was trying to make our life easier. Fix them so they're okay with us, fix them so we don't have to deal with it.

SPEAKER_01 32:28

Well, and can you enjoy somebody if they're outside of what you you know of what you think they should bring? Right. I but I agree with that.

SPEAKER_00 32:39

Well, to me, that goes back to the comment you had with your mom last session about hey, does she really have to do anything for me to appreciate who she is? No, so it frees you, it frees you to love her differently than you could if you said, no, she should. Why doesn't she? So I really like that. I think it's very, very good for us to think about that in our lives. Can we allow people to be where they are in life and not make them different before we can accept them?

SPEAKER_01 33:08

You know, that's a good filter for me. I appreciate that what you just said.

Character Growth And New “Languages”

SPEAKER_00 33:12

Yeah, and I and I also, in in all fairness, I I look at some of these people that used to irritate me and realize their path is much harder than mine. I would not want to be living their life. Like they're crazy making and and thinking as that's they're irrational. Like that doesn't bode well. So yeah, I'm bothered by it for this short period of time, but they have it with them, they carry it through life. So I think really, if you look at it that way, it's it's more freeing to go, you know what? I don't need to make this about me. Again, it goes back to my favorite phrase it's not all about you. Stop making it about you, it's not all about you, right? So, all right, with that, we're gonna quit. That's our day. It was great fun, as always. We love our listeners. Thank you for listening. Thank you for your comments that you send. We always enjoy them. And life is meant to be lived. We hope it's the very best of living in your life. So, thank you all, and goodbye for a day. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 34:06

Bye bye.