109. From Carpool Lane to Soul Lane: Rewiring Your Identity

Feeling lost after your kids leave the nest? You're not alone. For decades, many parents’ identities have been intertwined with their roles at home, making the empty nest transition feel daunting. But what if this shift is an exciting opportunity to rediscover who you truly are—and craft a future that excites you?

In this enlightening episode, mind mapping expert John Diggs, known as the "Mappaneering Mentor," shares how a simple visual thinking tool can be a catalyst for personal transformation. John opens up about his own journey—from losing everything during the 2008 financial crisis to rebuilding his life with clarity, purpose, and passion through mind mapping.

At the heart of the conversation is the transformative "I Am Mind Map"—a practical exercise that puts your authentic identity at the core. By mapping what truly matters—health, wealth, happiness, success—you create not only a vision but a detailed roadmap for your next chapter.

As John emphasizes, “Most people never really see themselves in all these key areas of their life.”

Most importantly, this episode reminds us that empty nesting is not the end—it's a new beginning. 

Highlights & Key Takeaways:

• Mind mapping is a visual tool that organizes thoughts, highlights blind spots, and reveals new paths.
• The "I Am Mind Map" focuses on your authentic self beyond roles or responsibilities.
• John's personal story exemplifies how this practice can help rebuild life after loss.
• Recognize the power of choice—your life is yours to design.
• John’s motto: "The purpose of life is to love it" guides his journey and can inspire yours too.

John Diggs Bio

John Diggs, Your Mappineering Mentor, is dedicated to helping individuals unlock their full potential through the power of mind mapping. With a unique approach combining strategic self-discovery, goal-setting, and visualization, John empowers students, professionals, and athletes to embrace clarity, focus, and purpose in every area of life. As a motivational speaker, author, and coach, his mission is to guide you to achieve your best life, filled with health, wealth, success, and happiness.

Find John Online: LinkedIn, Twitter (X), Instagram, Website

Chapters

• 0:00 Life is Meant to Be Loved
• 3:28 Introduction to Mind Mapping
• 9:30 Understanding the I Am Mind Map
• 18:21 Clarity Through Visual Mapping
• 28:09 Preparing for Empty Nest Transition
• 38:33 Choosing Your Next Chapter
• 43:23 The Power of Decision

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

My overall belief is that the purpose of life is to love it. There's no ambiguity on what life purpose is. So whenever I'm dealing with a situation empty nester or the like, my first default is how can I love this experience? What do I need to do to love this experience? How can I take advantage of this experience to enjoy it?

Speaker 2: 0:28

Welcome to this Empty Nest Life. Join Jay Ramsden as he leads you on a transformative journey through the uncharted seas of midlife and empty nesting. If you're ready to embark on this new adventure and redefine your future, you're in the right place. Here's your host the Emptiness Coach, jay Ramston.

Speaker 3: 0:48

Hey there, my Emptiness friends. If you're wondering who am I now that I'm not parenting 24-7 and are feeling a little bit lost in life, then today's episode is for you. We'll be diving into self-discovery and growth and resilience in our next chapter in life, and helping me dive into this topic is John Diggs, the Mappaneering Mentor, who is dedicated to helping individuals discover who am I now while improving their lives through the power of mind mapping. John, welcome to this Empty Nest Life.

Speaker 1: 1:19

Hey Jason. Thank you for having me. It's good to be here. I'm excited Due to the fact that I'm about to be an empty nester. This conversation is going to be great, oh you're getting close.

Speaker 3: 1:29

How far away are you?

Speaker 1: 1:31

About two years. Yeah, my youngest daughter is a junior in high school now, and I'm not counting the days, but I'm looking forward.

Speaker 3: 1:40

I don't know if that hand motion looks like. You may be counting the days. We can get into that in a little bit here. But what I'm curious about, because I'm sure my audience, is like what the heck is mind mapping and mapping, and how do I apply it to my emptiness life? You're the expert in this mind mapping stuff. Let's apply it to empty nesting, since you're almost there, and let's see where this conversation takes us.

Speaker 1: 2:00

Yeah for sure. For those who've never heard of a mind map or mind mapping, a mind map is essentially just a visual information management tool. In other words, it's a way to organize and visually see whatever you are thinking about. Whether you're making a decision, trying to problem solve, plan a trip, goal set, deal with stuff in your past, whatever swirling through your mind, a mind map, in my opinion, my belief, is the best tool to organize whatever you're thinking at, to give you greater perspective of whatever you're considering, to make more informed decisions or to deepen your understanding of whatever it is you're considering. To make more informed decisions or to deepen your understanding of whatever it is you're thinking about. It's very powerful. It can be used for anything Again, for whatever you got to think about.

Speaker 1: 2:55

A mind map is a very useful tool and it's essentially where you can take a piece of paper.

Speaker 1: 3:00

There's online software now, but it's so simple that you can actually take a napkin and a pencil and all you do is, in the middle of it, draw a circle, and that would be your central topic, your main theme or the, the reason that your mind mapping essentially. Then, from there, you just start adding subtopics to that main topic. For instance, if you were doing a book report or some part, the title of the book would be in the center, the chapters would be around. Then, from there, as you go through the chapters or go through whatever, you're brainstorming those subtopics, you start creating sub-subtopics and you keep expanding it out as you start to go down that rabbit hole of whatever it is you're considering. But once you're done, it's so powerful because now you can step back from it and you can get so much greater perspective of the book or whatever it is you're mind mapping. You can see how things connect, you can see how things relate. It just deepens your understanding of whatever it is you're mapping.

Speaker 3: 4:03

I love that and where my mind goes with this, john, is almost like if I create a vision board, it's how I can make the vision board maybe actionable to ask questions about. If I have a vision of, I don't know, going to Italy, let's say, and it's like, okay, what does that mean If I put Italy in the middle and then I've got subtopics around travel and maybe finances and things I want to do, and then just keep drawing it out and out and out and out? Is that what we're focusing on?

Speaker 1: 4:30

Yeah, it's very similar to vision boards. However, the key distinction between a vision board and a vision map is that once most people finish a vision board, it's done. It's kind of like all right, that's my vision of what I want, but a vision map you can do the same thing as a vision board but then take it to the next level, to start creating action items or task lists or getting more clarity and more color into how to actually achieve what's on your vision board. You know what are my steps I need to take to make it happen, now that I put it on my vision board. I mean, I've loved vision boards, been doing them my whole life.

Speaker 1: 5:09

You know, just this is what I call little clippings of magazines and things of that nature I want to live this way or wear that suit or whatever. Yes, yes, yeah, but with the mind map, you know I can do the same thing as a vision board, but, like I said, I could take that additional step right now. What needs to happen for this to happen? You know, then, who do I need to contact, what are my next steps and that's how you can really where it turns, not just from a vision board or a vision map, but actually like an action list, a to-do list of things that you must do to make that vision real.

Speaker 3: 5:45

Got it Okay, so let's. I don't intend for this conversation to go in this direction, but I feel like let's play this out from for my Empty Nest folks who are listening. It's like if I'm answering the question, who am I now in the middle? Who am I now that I'm not parenting? 24, seven, what, what's go through? What might that look like? When we hit that first ring, it comes to mind for you, let's do a live, like a little live mind mapping here. People can write it down as they go along if it helps them, but that's where my brain goes. Who am I now, now that I'm not parenting for seven in the middle?

Speaker 1: 6:18

And it might, it might help with. Before we dig deep into that, just to tell you about a little bit how my map came into my life.

Speaker 3: 6:27

I just got so excited, John, for my people.

Speaker 1: 6:31

Yeah, no worries. But what had happened with me back in the early 2000s? I retired playing football and professional football in late 95. Got into the mortgage business, built this huge mortgage company in Southern California, living like this millionaire lifestyle, made more money in the business than I did ever playing football. But then I lost literally everything in the mortgage meltdown 2007, 2008,. Lost career, houses, family, wife. Everything was gone. Moved back to my mother's house, a broken man. I was jaded. I was lost. Everything that I identified myself with, everything that was important to me was gone. I was literally just, in some sense, an empty nester.

Speaker 1: 7:17

I was just yeah, you're back home lost.

Speaker 1: 7:20

Yeah yeah, I was empty. I didn't know what to do. Everything that I identified myself with was no longer so. What do I do with myself now? So when I went back to my mother's house, I actually took my bike, a gym bag full of gym clothes and a big box that was full of motivational tapes and CDs decided I knew I had to go back into that box. It was just full of books that I collected over the years Think and Grow Rich, how to Win Friends and Influence People all of the major self-help books in there. I knew I had to revisit that now that I'm starting from ground zero again.

Speaker 1: 7:55

One book was in there called the Mind Map Book by Tony Buzan. I don't remember ever buying it. I believe somebody must have given it to me at some point, but whatever reason, it resonated with me at this time. I looked at it and decided to mind map all of the contents of that box. So I spent like three months, literally all day, every day, just mind mapping all of those books Power of Now, the Alchemist I mean all of these books and I walked away with two big, big things. Distinctions after that exercise three months.

Speaker 1: 8:24

The first was that all of these books and I walked away with two big big things distinctions after that exercise, three months. The first was that all of these major thought leaders Tony Robbins, dale Carnegie, eckhart Tolle, all of these guys were basically telling us one thing that life was meant to be loved. Life was meant to be loved. As I was mind mapping all of these books, I was literally doing it on poster boards and I had all of these poster boards all over my mother's house.

Speaker 1: 8:48

But that introduced me to the power of mind mapping and how I can see things clearer. I can understand things deeper than I ever did before. But then I can also see the connections between so many different things, like what Tony Robbins was saying that was similar to Dale Carnegie and what Dale Carnegie was saying that was similar to Les Brown. So after I made all of these connections, that's what I took away from. The biggest is that life is meant to be loved. Then the second thing that I got out of that was that in order for me to love life, I have to define who I am and what loving life means to me. So that got me to this point of. What I think is useful for your audience is that I started developing what I call now is the I am mind map, so just to your point I am yeah, let's run with it.

Speaker 1: 9:42

I am. My map is is, out of the thousands and thousands of possible mind maps a person can make, there's zero more important than an I am mind map because it really gets clear on who you are and what you want your life to be about. So what I did to go to your question, to show people, I just put in a center I am. Then I really started asking myself some very deep, thought-provoking questions like what is most important to me in my life? What is truly most important to me? To me not kids, not husband, not wife, but to me what's most important to me was the question that I kept asking myself over and over again. And I landed on health. Health, okay, I am, was there. Then I put health right there. I put health at the top corner. I said I know there's nothing more important than health. I got to make sure my health is right. Then I started grappling again what else is most important to me? Then I was going through my exercise, which I encourage everyone to do is just really think about what's next. What's next? I landed on wealth. I wanted a wealth, an abundance of things, so I put that on my mind map. Then I kept asking myself again and I said I want to be successful. Then, after again, this is hours and weeks of stuff of me just really contemplating and putting things on and erasing and scribbling out. No, that doesn't resonate, that doesn't really feel right. Then my last anchor was what I call is happiness. You know so my mind map, my initial, was I am health, wealth, success and happiness is how my is how my I Am Mind Map started. Here's where the beauty of Mind Map comes in, which I was saying before is that now I just focus strictly on health, so general. What specifically does that mean to me? Then, after again, time and time and time, hours, hours, hours, I landed on spiritual health. Those are the three components of health. That extended from that health topic.

Speaker 1: 11:54

Then I moved down to the wealth section and started asking myself what is wealth? Is it really just money? You know, wealth means an abundance of something. You know. I've had money that didn't really help me love life. I couldn't say it was money that caused me to love life. So what do I really want? An abundance of? You know, a wealth of, and I landed on I wanted a wealth of positive emotions to fill. I wanted a wealth of specialized knowledge, skills, and I wanted a wealth of freedom, which did include financial freedom, but it also included freedom from drama, freedom from stress. All that, yeah, all the things, yeah, I just wanted to be free. I didn't want to be like that. If I want an abundance of something in my life, I want an abundance of positive emotions love, enthusiasm, optimism, joy. I wanted a wealth of specialized knowledge, I wanted to be skillful, you know, and other things, cause I realized that if I have the right skills, money's going to come. So, skills, this.

Speaker 1: 12:55

Then I moved over to success. All right, what does success really mean? What do I want to be successful in? Then I looked at it as I want to be successful in relationships, I want to have successful results and I want to have successful rewards. So I added those to my I am mind map.

Speaker 1: 13:14

Then I looked at happiness, you know. Then I asked myself this really thought provoking what really needs to happen for me to be happy? You know, I want to live my life in happiness, but what really needs to happen? Then I, after, again, hours and hours of grappling with this, I landed on that for me to truly be happy of grappling with this. I landed on that. For me to truly be happy, I have to be blessed for my past, meaning that when I think about my past, I'm blessed for all of it, not just the goods, but even the bad, the challenging moments that I survived. I grew from, I've evolved from, I survived it. So I need to always look at my past and be blessed for those. I don't need to look in guilt, regret and all that stuff a lot of us do about our past. I need to be appreciative for those. Then I also need to be grateful for my future. Right now, in the present moment, I'm happy.

Speaker 1: 14:20

So, as you can imagine, my mind map had health, wealth, success and happiness. Then it had these additional subtopics extending from health, wealth, success and happiness. All right, now what do I need to do to have excellent spiritual health? What needs to happen for me to have excellent mental health, excellent physical health? What emotions do I want to feel? What do I need to do to feel more of these emotions? What skills do I want a wealth of, and how do I accumulate more of them? What do I need to do to have freedom? Eliminate, know, eliminate or you know, people I may eliminate from my life that's causing stress and drama. You know what do I need.

Speaker 1: 15:00

And as I kept moving around my map, you know, I was like, all right, successful, what really means? What does it mean to have a successful relationship? You know I need to have integrity. You know accountability, reliability, you know I just was going through all of that. Then I was like, all right, what results, rewards? How do I want to reward myself after I achieve some goals? What are some of my ultimate dreams? That I have had it all that on my map. Then I looked at the happiness section, you know, and I looked at the blessed section about my past. What do I need to get complete with, you know? And it starts to expand. So, after when you're said, when it's said and done and you go through this process, you can now step back and look at your map and see your life like you've never seen it before.

Speaker 3: 16:07

Yeah, it sounds magical to me, but also my. My brain goes to people who are listening. He's like well, how do I keep track of it all If it keeps expanding and expanding? How do I keep track of it all so I know what to make actionable and to work on.

Speaker 1: 16:22

It's so amazing when you have this visual clarity, answers reveal itself In the process. Okay, answers reveal itself in the process. In the process, you start to realize where you haven't been focusing on and where you should. You start to realize what you should do or could do to fix a relationship or repair a relationship. You start all of these things just because you're going that you get momentum going down these avenues of, yeah, physical health. You know I need to get that gym membership. Then who do I need to call? Put that on your map. When can I go to the gym? You put that on your map. And how do I hold myself accountable? You put that on a map.

Speaker 1: 17:06

So, next thing, you know you just don't have a vision board. Like I said, you have a road map, got it A GPS on how to actually fulfill upon each one of those things. You put on your vision map. And, like I said, the I Am my Map.

Speaker 1: 17:24

I have keynotes, workshops, I wrote books, I got courses, all of that stuff, because I truly believe I don't care where a person is Jason. I truly believe I don't care where a person is Jason as far as in their economic status, their age, in their life, their marital status, it doesn't matter. Getting clear and being able to visually see who you are is extremely powerful, because most people never really seen themselves like this in all of these different key components of their life and like to your point, you will know there'd be no ambiguity on what you need to do to improve in these key areas of your life when you go through it, because a mind map eliminates blind spots. A mind map answers a lot of questions for you, because most people we're trying to make decisions and do things and trying to identify who we are and what we want and what we like and how we want to live. We try to do it here, just in our minds, in our minds you know, and it's you know with our minds.

Speaker 1: 18:36

you know we're crisscrossing it all the time with TV interruptions, phone calls. You know it's hard to organize and structure something, and that's what a mind map really allows people to do is just to put it down and really structure it. All right, this is what I'm thinking.

Speaker 3: 18:52

I see it right there before me. I get it Okay. So I want to make this a little bit more tangible for folks using your mind mapping and then also your life. So what was what has been the most defining moment in your life during this past year through mind mapping?

Speaker 1: 19:13

Great, great question. Well, the biggest thing is on my I am mind map, I started to include this new world that I'm going into of sharing this mind mapping message with the world. Before, for the first 10 years like I said back in that story I was talking about, that was back 2009, 2010. 10 years I've been using mind mapping to build a very successful mortgage software development company. I designed infrastructure for mortgage banks and mind mapping helped me do all of that. When I went through that mind mapping process at my mother's house, I got so much clarity on who I am and what I was about that I, within eight months, I landed almost a quarter of a million dollar job. So I went from rags to riches in eight months and I know for a fact, without a shadow of a doubt, it was because of the clarity mind mapping gave me and the roadmap it gave me on what I needed to do to quickly rebuild and reset my life so fast forward. After 10 years of doing that, when COVID hit us in 2020, that's when I decided everything's changed. Let me start writing some books and sharing this mind mapping message with the world, and since then I wrote like 10 books. I've become an international bestselling author and I did all of the stuff around it. But what I didn't realize is that I didn't include the potential of truly stepping in as a world leader in this mind mapping space on my mind map. So I use that now.

Speaker 1: 20:58

Probably it's been about a year or so that I've been adding more of that to my I am mind map, which has been giving me the clarity, the confidence, the momentum to do some really cool things over this last year, including being here with you, you know as just just getting out there. I'm so clear and passionate about what I'm doing now and that's another beauty about this I am my map is that you not only get clear on who you are, but in the development of it is. It almost strengthens your relationship with your higher power, whoever your God is. I love that, because when you're talking to yourself about certain things what should I do and how does it feel and it doesn't feel right. It feels like God is right there with you.

Speaker 1: 21:47

So as you start to really define your I am mind map and it really starts to resonate on an emotional level mind map and it really starts to resonate on an emotional level, you almost feel like you're connected to God, like God has approved it, it's like God supports it. So you kind of get a different energy because you've done the work to align with your purpose and it feels good. So it's almost like you feel like God has blessed your purpose and your mission and it feels good. So it's almost like you feel like God has blessed your purpose and your mission. So it gives you a different sense of energy and I take people through not only just designing your I Am Mind Map, but I really show them how to transform that mind map into a visual meditation exercise to where we record literally everything you put on your mind map that you said I am healthy, wealthy, successful and happy. We're recorded in such a way to where now every day, in the morning, at night, you just listen to yourself saying who you are.

Speaker 3: 22:51

That's so good, john. I love that. I love that because it lets your subconscious go to work right and to help you achieve those things. That's what I love about it.

Speaker 1: 23:00

And defining who you are in the world, versus letting society or the environment or relationship or job define who you are. You are waking up every morning. This is who I am in the world, which puts you in a better position to be that and live that and experience that, because now you've clearly defined it.

Speaker 3: 23:21

Right Because you're giving yourself the internal validation. You're not looking for external validation in terms of who you are and what you can accomplish or what you can become, and I think that's an important message for my audience to take away is that you've spent 20, 22, 23,. You know, being a full time parent, however many kids you have and however long it takes for them to transition out of the house. Being a parent 24, seven you become that identity of a parent as opposed to being John or Jay. We become this person's parent instead of ourselves, and so the clarity and confidence piece for me is such an important part of this conversation that I want people to take away, because the clarity piece people say, well, I was a parent, I was a mom, a caregiver, that was my purpose, and now I'm unclear in terms of what comes next, and mind mapping can help you get the clarity again of what comes next for you.

Speaker 1: 24:15

There's no better tool than to just map it out and figure out. Who are you now? Who do you want to create yourself to be? What were all of the things that you wanted to do that you couldn't do because of your responsibilities? What are some of your dreams and your wildest fascinations that you had as a kid that you weren't able to do, but now you can?

Speaker 3: 24:41

You have the time and I want to take money out. Sometimes people say, well, I had all these dreams and it takes money. Forget the money piece, folks. That's not what it's about. It's to set the vision for it, to map out the vision and then figure out those components.

Speaker 1: 24:54

Yeah. And when you map out the vision those components reveal itself, and you'll find out that there's so many things that you can do to move in that direction that don't require money. There are so many different things you can do that you can do that you haven't even thought about doing that mind mapping is going to let you see.

Speaker 3: 25:21

Going back to the health piece, getting the gym and figuring out when I can do stuff. People say, well, that's money, you don't have to do those things to get healthy. Right, you can do everything just with your own body weight and walking too. You don't need a trainer, you don't need a gym, you don't need a gym. So that's, I think, the simplest way. Is you think about I need money to do all these things that are fabulous and amazing in my life. That's not true.

Speaker 1: 25:41

Not true. You don't need money to fast, you don't need money to walk.

Speaker 3: 25:49

I love that.

Speaker 1: 25:50

I love that, but there's a lot of things like that that I think as time as we evolve as humans you know, I'm 57. We put ourselves in these boxes, we put ourselves in these limits of we can't do certain things, and that's our knee jerk, habitual reaction to things oh, I can't do that. Well, that's impossible. Oh, no, that's I can't. And you're not understanding that truly anything is possible. Anything, literally is possible. And that's what? Another benefit of mind mapping, because it causes you to think outside of the box. To think outside of the box, yeah, and that's awful, to think outside of the box, you know, yeah.

Speaker 3: 26:33

Thinking outside the box. You're going to be an empty nester in about two years. You've already been thinking outside the box, but like what now for you?

Speaker 1: 26:46

And I'm just I'm. I'm jazzed, you know and again, by the way of, of of what I've been working on my eye and my map. I'm absolutely clear what I'm doing when, when, when I'm an empty nester and I'm excited. My kids know about it. They support everything that I got planned for my life, which ultimately is to relocate to Oahu. I'm a Hawaii guy Doing that, but I'm really excited about this new venture, the speaking, sharing this map and airing message, coaching people, helping people.

Speaker 1: 27:17

I really have done the work to realize that that is my life's purpose. That is my passion. Football was one thing. Professional ball was fine. Big time mortgage company was cool. But this is like it resonates with my soul. This is like honoring and pleasing my God to get out here and help people understand the power of this tool and how they can love and live their best lives. So you know it's a running joke in my family, but I tell my youngest daughter that when I'm putting her on the plane to go to college, you know I'm probably going to be two gates down going to Hawaii. We're going to Hawaii and you know my kids love Hawaii and they're like dad, you don't have to wait, we can go to.

Speaker 3: 28:05

Hawaii. Now I was like no, no, no, I got to wait for this transition piece. But I think that's an important two to tie in is because you have been planning, I think, a lot of times. Empty nesting is one of the things we all know is coming, but very few of us actually prepare for right and that moment hits and then we get lost and then we're not sure where to turn or what to do next. And that's where I think having the clarity, the mind mapping piece, can be huge for people to say, oh, oh, I just need to sit down and figure out what I want for myself. I need to shine the light inward. Now, as parents, we spend so much time shining the light outward, on our kids or our partner, our spouse, if we have one, the people we work with if we're working parents. We really shine it inside and I think that's the work here in the mind mapping piece that is so powerful what do I want?

Speaker 1: 28:57

Who am I? You know what I mean. Who am I really? Yeah, I'm not his, his wife or his daughter. Who are you? To your core? Critical. And it's shocking how many people never spent the time just to get connected with themselves. And that's my passionate mission is to give them an easy tool that's don't cost money. Again, you can use a napkin, you can use a crayon and start doing this work to really start to get clear on who you are and what you want your life to be about.

Speaker 3: 29:38

Yeah, and the work that we both do. We know that, though people don't do it because they're afraid Fear builds into that, they don't even take the first step of grabbing the napkin and the pencil. How do you help people with that? Or what would you say to somebody who's like I, can't even pull out the pencil and the napkin to make it work?

Speaker 1: 29:57

Yeah, you know. The question is just getting clear. Then, at that point of you know, what do you want in your life? You know what I mean. Do you just want to exist? Yeah, you know. I mean, do you want to just continue the status quo? You want to just keep moving the way you have been moving? If you and I are talking right now, that's probably not the case. So again, the definition of insanity is keep doing the same thing, get the same results. So you got to at least be open, at least try something new if you want new. It comes back to how bad do you want change? If you don't really want the change, I can lead you to water, but I can't force you to drink it.

Speaker 3: 30:35

Right. The challenge of change is so much so that people I think they fear it because it involves work.

Speaker 1: 30:43

Right and I try to encourage people to realize that I understand change can be scary because it's uncertain, but if you can control a change, that becomes more exciting versus.

Speaker 1: 31:00

I think a lot of people are afraid of change because they just resist the feeling of unknown. I don't know what that's going to. I'm comfortable with what I know, even though I hate it, even though it sucks, even though it's bad, it's killing me, it's stressing me out, but at least I know this. I don't know what it's like over there, and it's always a unique conversation that you have with different people, because they seem like different people always have various reasons to avoid changing, despite complaining right.

Speaker 3: 31:33

They complain a lot but don't want to change. They also don't want to change.

Speaker 1: 31:38

Right. So I try to have some just heartfelt conversations with them to try to touch, move and inspire them to try new. You can always go back to the old. I mean you know what that's like, you know how to go back there. But if you really want some zest in your life, some fulfillment in your life and some excitement in your life, you got to try some new stuff. I mean, there's no real way around it. And if you're not willing to try any new stuff, then maybe just get super comfortable with what you're dealing with and not live the most fulfilled life you can.

Speaker 1: 32:17

I had this conversation with my kids. We saw the Jurassic Park is coming out, so we started talking about dinosaurs and I asked him I said do you realize that dinosaurs like walk this planet like 25, 60 million years? They was on this planet for 25 to 60 million years. They walked this planet and they didn't really think about it like that. I was like yeah, and I said but here's the key thing, babe, that was like 25 to 60 million years ago that they did that.

Speaker 1: 32:47

This planet is like super duper old and we're only trying to be on it. I mean, the best of us are blessed if we live 80 years right, and you're stressing about what? And you're not trying to maximize your life, you're not trying to enjoy every second that you have, knowing that, in the larger scheme of things, you're only here for a snap second, and probably the bigger point is that you can choose how you live your life. It's not like you're forced to have to do it. You've got a choice on how you want to spend these 80, 90, hopefully, 100 years. Why not exercise that choice and try to live the very best life possible for this little time that you're blessed to experience on this planet? I know it's hard for people, but I do my very best to just try to encourage them that look, man, you can wake up every morning and choose how you think, choose how you feel, choose what you do and choose how you live. You may just need to change some things.

Speaker 3: 34:03

Be open to changing some things, but why not? Why not die smiling? I think what might be harder for people to grasp on is you said I'm going to put my daughter in the plane when she goes to college and then I'm going to move to Hawaii. I think that may be the bigger thing people are grasping with right now in this episode. Is people like he said he's going to move to Hawaii, Like he's going to leave the family home in an instant? How did you come to that decision? I know people are going to be grappling with that in this conversation.

Speaker 1: 34:31

Well, you know again, I don't know if it's by way of mind mapping or not, and by way of my career I've been a software guy, working from home, working for myself, working remotely. So for 10 years or so I used to travel around the country and the world asking myself that question if I can live anywhere in the world, where would I live? I've been asking myself that question decades If I could live anywhere, where would I live? And it always defaulted back to Hawaii. That's just my spot. So it's not that I'm trying to disconnect or disassociate from my children or my family.

Speaker 1: 35:13

No it's just realizing. The hardcore truth of the matter is that my kids are out living their lives, they're out doing them.

Speaker 3: 35:26

Yes, so spot on right there.

Speaker 1: 35:28

Yeah, they're out doing them. They're out developing their own lives. Soon they're going to get married. Soon they're going to start their families. Soon they're going to be doing their thing. They may get job relocated. They're out doing their thing. Why can't I? I should be able to too. You know, yeah, they've left this chapter to go to college. They're excited, they're looking forward to their future.

Speaker 3: 35:57

Why can't I be excited too?

Speaker 1: 35:59

With this new chapter I got they got a new chapter, I got a new chapter. Let's share in our chapters together and love each other and still have our relationships, but understanding that we're both in new chapters and we're both going to support each other in these chapters. Let's love life together. I love it. I love it so good. That's just my perception of things and what I try to help people to realize that life is about change. I mean, when you look at all of the people, all of your audience, you think about it.

Speaker 1: 36:27

I use a mind map for this too. This just flashed in my mind is that I have people will create in the middle of their mind map. It can be I am. They can put I am in here, but each one of the subtopics are different decades of their life. So one through 10, 11 through 20, 21 through 30, 31 through 40. Then go through each one of those subtopics and just start putting things on your mind map that stood out to you in those chapters of your life, those decades of your life. What are some of the standout memories, what are the things you would like to share, what are the things you forgot, or what are your most learning experiences in those chapters of your life? This is powerful, jay, because it gets people to realize that they've been living chapters their whole life anyway, and this is just another chapter.

Speaker 3: 37:27

It seems like it's like it's a whole story that's ending, but it's not right. It can be another chapter or, if you want, you could write a whole new book.

Speaker 1: 37:36

No different. When you were no longer single and got married. That chapter ended, a new one started. This is the same process when you're an empty nester it's just another chapter of your life that you can create and be just as excited for and look forward to just as much as all those other chapters you've already done, Because everybody has chapters in their lives where they had dramatic changes, exactly.

Speaker 3: 38:04

The only difference and what my mission is here is you can see what it looks like to go to elementary school. You can see what it looks like to go to middle and high and go to college and get a job and get married and have kids. They even tell you what to do when you retire, but nobody tells you what to do when the kids leave home. To go back to your point of do you just want to keep doing what you've always been doing, right, or do you want to maximize this time and I think that's what I love about this conversation and how mapping and map and nearing can help people and setting that vision map for their own journey, power of decision, the power of choice.

Speaker 1: 38:59

It seems like a lot of people, especially some I know that are empty nesters. They lose the understanding that they have choice and decision to change, to make new decisions, to make different decisions. A lot of people think that they can't change and that's false. You can change any day. You have the ability to do anything you want to with your life, for crying out loud, and I wish more people would exercise that so when life throws some curveballs or unexpected events, they can really realize well, all right, well, I have the power of decision. How am I going to view this? What do I do next? What do I want to make this mean? So it can be advantageous for me versus painful. You have that power of decision to change how you view things and how you behave, and I think a lot of people lose that power for some reason and it drives me nuts, yeah.

Speaker 3: 39:54

I think it's, it's the the. I think the hardest part about making decision is actually deciding to make a decision.

Speaker 1: 40:00

Yeah, there it is.

Speaker 3: 40:04

Right. Once you decide you're going to make a decision, making the decision becomes easy. It's grappling with. I have to make a decision.

Speaker 1: 40:10

Have to make a decision and at some point like for Empty Nesters, I mean with the kids gone and you're in a big old fat house that what rooms you don't go in anymore. You're coming home and it's just complete silence. I mean that might be a big blaring alert that a decision of some sort needs to be made.

Speaker 3: 40:33

Yes, yes, I know you're. You're pretty close to emptiness and you're not there yet. Yeah, I'm curious, before I let you go, um, cause it's been a fabulous conversation about setting a vision and setting what you want your journey to look like, using mind mapping. And I'm curious is what your motto is Like. I talk about my empty nest life motto, and so for me it's every step has purpose. I started that when I became an empty nester. But as you get ready for that right, what might your empty nest life motto be? Or is it going to stay the same as it is now? Or is it going to stay the same as it is now? That's a great question, great question.

Speaker 1: 41:10

My overall belief is that the purpose of life is to love it, and that's just. There's no ambiguity on what life purpose is. I believe all of the thought leaders were trying to tell us that. Jesus was trying to say it. Muhammad was trying to tell us you live this way, love your life, kind of deal.

Speaker 1: 41:38

So whenever I'm dealing with a situation empty nester or the like my first default is all right, how can I love this experience? What do I need to do to love this experience? How can I take advantage of this experience to enjoy it? Because everything happens for a reason. People believe that God works in mysterious ways, all those little cliches and euphemisms and all that stuff. Then, if that's the case and I have faith in a higher power then this is happening for a specific reason.

Speaker 1: 42:07

What can I do to position myself to love every second of this situation that I'm dealing with?

Speaker 1: 42:14

And that is just my overall framework. You know I have a bunch of tools and processes, my mind maps and all of that stuff to help me achieve that, but anything that happens, I'm trying to figure out how can I love that experience as best I can, regardless of what's going on, and that helps me so much with making the small decisions that I need to make. That's the big goal. Now, all of the other stuff I know has to fit underneath that, all the way to what I need to do every day, how I need to wake up every morning, all the way to what I need to do every day, how I need to wake up every morning. All of that stuff to make sure that I'm putting myself in the best position to love my life, despite the external circumstances that may not be in alignment with my expectations, even though it doesn't align my expectations, or even though I find myself like what the heck is this? How can I frame this? To still love my life?

Speaker 3: 43:22

Because if today is, in fact, my last day. I want to be smiling so true, so true, so true and I think that's the takeaway from today is now that your kids are grown and flown folks, how can you continue to love your life and help you do that? Mind mapping is a way to get there, and John has shown us how that can happen and has given us wonderful examples. And, john, it's been an absolute pleasure having you on the show today and helping my folks in this emptiness life figure out what now and what next.

Speaker 1: 43:51

Thank you so much for having me. This has been an honor. I love sharing this message and, for you and your listeners, if anybody have any questions, don't hesitate. This is a passion thing for me. This is not a money thing for me. This is just really what I enjoy doing is trying to cause and create positive change in lives.

Speaker 3: 44:08

Put all your contact info in the show notes, folks you'll be able to find all the info about John and his work, and we'll see you the next time. Thank you, sir.

Speaker 2: 44:17

Appreciate you. Are you ready to start living and enjoying your empty nest years? If so, head over to Jason Ramsdencom and click work with me to get the conversation started. This empty nest life is a production of Impact One Media LLC. All rights reserved.