115. The Courage to Reinvent Yourself with Neena Perez

What happens when your identity, built over decades of parenting, no longer feels required all the time? Neena Perez’s powerful story reveals that the empty nest is not an end—it's a beginning. After overcoming trauma and embracing single motherhood, Nina transformed her life into that of a chef, transformational coach, author, and podcast host—all after her children left home.

In this inspiring episode, Nina shares her no-nonsense approach to reinvention: “We don’t build courage and then do stuff. We do stuff to build courage.” She encourages listeners to take immediate action—just 3-4 seconds—to overcome paralysis and fear in major life transitions. Her practical tip? Start with simple curiosity—try something new, see if you like it, and keep what serves you without pressure.

Whether you're just stepping into this phase or still navigating it, Nina provides wisdom and encouragement to face fears, embrace change, and make today count. Because life is short, and your next adventure is waiting—beyond the fears and doubts.

Highlights & Key Takeaways:

• Courage is built through action, not waiting to feel ready.
• Reinvent yourself by exploring new interests with curiosity, pressure-free.
• Use your parenting skills as a foundation for new, meaningful pursuits.
• Overcome fear by giving yourself just 3-4 seconds to act—no overthinking.
• Challenge yourself daily to try one new thing.
• Remember: Life is short—prioritize fun, joy, and discovery.

Neena Perez Bio
Neena Perez is a transformational coach, chef, author, and motivational speaker who empowers women to build impactful coaching businesses rooted in their God-given talents. Having overcome teen pregnancy, domestic violence, and poverty—stories she shares in her autobiography, Hit Me With Your Best Shot—Neena created her Wisdom to Wealth program. Through her 3-step process of Inner Healing, Transcending Unwanted Behaviors, and Co-Creation, she helps women heal, shift their mindsets, and confidently step into entrepreneurship.

Find Neena Online: LinkedIn, X (Twitter), Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Website

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction: Building Courage Through Action
• 6:51 Nina's Journey Through Trauma to Transformation
• 15:04 Exploring New Passions After Parenting
• 23:05 Using Your Parenting Skills in New Ways
• 30:48 Facing and Eliminating Fear
• 38:14 Building New Relationships with Adult Children

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

We don't build courage and then do stuff. We do stuff to build courage.

Speaker 2: 0:05

Exactly. Yeah, I think we always have that backwards anyway. As humans, right, we think we need to be like pumped up to do it. No, no, no, you just do it. Then you get pumped up because you realize how good or how bad you were. That was really bad, okay, yeah, what do we do to change that? Exactly, we got it out there. We got it out there. The bat is already done now. That's good. Now let's get to the good stuff. You know.

Speaker 3: 0:25

Welcome to this Empty Nest Life. Join Jay Ramsden as he leads you on a transformative journey through the uncharted seas of midlife and empty nesting. If you're ready to embark on this new adventure and redefine your future, you're in the right place. Here's your host the.

Speaker 1: 0:43

Empty Nest Coach, jay Ramston. One of the biggest struggles I see with people entering the Empty Nest chapter is that they're so locked into the identity of being Billy or Susie's mom or dad they're afraid to even consider reinventing themselves now that the kids are grown and flown. It's like you can't even see a new life of meaning and purpose that doesn't involve your kids 24-7. If you're subconsciously nodding your head along right now in agreement and saying to yourself that's me, that's me, then keep listening. Today I'm joined by Nina Perez, whose story of transformation and reinvention, from surviving trauma and navigating single motherhood to becoming a chef, transformational life and business coach, author and podcast host is one that will no doubt open your mind to what's possible in your life. Now, nina, welcome to this Emptiness Life.

Speaker 2: 1:35

I'm so happy to be here. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1: 1:37

This is exciting oh yeah, I, you know I loved the story. Well, maybe not you going through it, right, but the whole story of how you went from where you were to where you are now. There's so many pieces to it. I have literally probably more questions than what we'll get to in this episode. But the one that's top of mind for me is I'm sure people may be wondering too is how did you pick yourself up from every single thing that happened, from the trauma, navigating single motherhood, to be like, oh, I'm gonna become a chef now, and like how did you pick yourself up through all those massive transformations?

Speaker 2: 2:14

you know, I think, uh, you have to be very intentional about your life because our life is so fleeing. And I just started to realize that, like everything was going by really fast, the the kids were growing up really fast. I was struggling a lot, like working two jobs and just spending a lot of time doing that kind of thing, so life just kept going. You know, I almost had no choice. Honestly and I think that happens to a lot of people who are parents right, you just have no choice. Your kids need you, so you get up every day and do what you have to do. And as they started to get older and I started seeing them hanging out with their friends and kind of moving on and all those kinds of things, it was the question of if no one needed me today, what would I choose to do? What would I want to do if nobody needed me, if nobody contacted me, if nobody just thought of Nina anymore, what would I choose to show up to do in the world?

Speaker 2: 3:09

And you know, to me faith plays a big part in my life as well, so a lot of prayer was involved in this and all those kinds of things. And so that's how I picked myself up because I realized I really had no choice and I knew that life had to be better than what I was going through. It just had to be. Because too many people on the outside I was seeing thriving and doing great things, I knew that something had to be better. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 3:36

Yeah. So it's like that, that inkling of there's something else here for me. And just to be clear, folks, if you're listening, if you don't necessarily have to have had trauma and issues or anything right, Things that have happened horribly. You can be asking yourself is there more? Your life can be amazing right now. Is there more? So when you open your mind to, is there more? What did that look like for you, let's say, five years ago, compared to where you are now?

Speaker 2: 4:06

You know, I really started to get really curious about things and decided that I was going to investigate them, right? So about maybe like six, seven years ago, I got into neurolinguistic programming. I didn't know what it was. I just heard people talking about NLP and I'm like what is NLP? I don't know what that is and I like to investigate things.

Speaker 2: 4:23

So I always go into, like I sometimes I go too deep into the rabbit hole. To be quite honest, I think it's my ADHD. So, you know, I'm like just trying to figure it all out and I realized that I really liked it. And then I liked neural pathways and I liked the fact that you can reinvent yourself daily. And I never thought about those things, right, I just always thought life was hard, this is what I have to go through. And then I realized actually, no, like yesterday's done. And so I started to like challenge myself. What is one thing you can do today that's completely different than yesterday? And I started doing that every day. Then I wrote my book, then I did my podcast and so on, right, so I challenged myself every day to do one different thing, and that's what kind of like started the snowball.

Speaker 1: 5:11

I love that Every day is a new day to start again. I know lots of folks who listen to this show kind of are probably thinking I don't even know what to do next. I don't even know what the very next step is. My kids have left my identity as a parent. They don't need me 24-7 anymore. I feel like they call when they need me or they have a question that they can't answer, but that's it. I feel like I'm waiting around, but it didn't sound like you did that.

Speaker 2: 5:39

No, I didn't. I started to prioritize things that I love. I started to prioritize things that I love, and so I started to explore new passions. What does that mean exactly? Right, so I won't go into the whole story, but I knew inside of me that I needed to go back to, or wanted to, be, a chef, because I wanted that since I was a little girl. And so I went and, you know, went back to school and became a chef and all those things. But I started to, and I went homeless during that time too.

Speaker 2: 6:06

So there was a lot of things happening, right, but I started to explore what is it? What are the things that I like, right? So, if you like crocheting, start crocheting, or maybe take a class, or maybe go teach somebody how to crochet, like, literally, start to work on those passions. Maybe you like to travel travel alone or travel with friends I don't care what that is, but try to explore what it is you like. I felt like that sometimes what do I even like? What is that? So write yourself a list, be proactive, take a list, write the things you like, what you like about them, and then maybe, how you can explore that. Maybe there's a course out there a group, a class, a volunteer opportunity, something, because one step will lead to the second step.

Speaker 1: 6:53

Yes, yeah, I like that One step will lead to the next one. What I what I probably struggle with a little bit for my folks is that I hear this a lot from folks in my community and my social media feeds is that, well, I loved being a mom and I always wanted to be a mom or a dad or whatever. Usually it's moms telling me this I love being a mom, I can't imagine doing anything else and I'm just, I'm lost, and so I'm sure throughout your journey, you felt lost at times. How did you find yourself?

Speaker 2: 7:31

You know, I use my story to serve others.

Speaker 2: 7:34

So if you love being a mom, you don't have to stop being a mom. Use those same strategies that you had to develop the humans that you developed, right, the people that you love the most, the ones that you spent the time on. Maybe there's something you can find within your story being a mom and the struggles of being a mom and the challenges of being a mom or a dad and you can start a blog, you can start a podcast, you can start a YouTube channel, you can host small groups, you can help a younger person who's going through parenting right now, right. So you can still utilize those skills of being a mom, because, let's be real, being a parent is probably the hardest job, honestly, in the world, right. And so I would say, just, I would ask curious questions like what did you like about that?

Speaker 2: 8:17

Write those down. Like what was the best part of being a mom? Write that down, what was the most challenging? How did you get through that? And then go help someone else. I think that getting out of our own way sometimes is really helpful.

Speaker 1: 8:30

Yeah, yeah, it's almost like what were you good at as a parent. We all know there's that mom or dad like they were really good at the lunch thing, or they were really good at organizing play dates, or they were really good at carpool or whatever it may be. Lean on the skills.

Speaker 1: 8:44

It's the only job that you actually have literally on the job training 24 seven 24 seven you know, finding that piece so that's what I'm hearing you say is find that piece where that you were good at that you can actually. Well, maybe this could be something I could do now.

Speaker 2: 9:02

I think we need to be intentional, right, because life, life will, um, will throw a bunch of curve balls your way and some of them you'll catch and some of them you will not. And, uh, I think, once you did, once you have poured your life into, you know, raising a family and and being a wife or spouse or whatever, and and you, you're going through those moments in life, there is that moment where you sit and go, now, what? Like now, what Right? And I mean I remember feeling scared, like that, what do I do now? And I'm like, well, you can't sit here all day, nina, get your butt up and go do something, you know. So I started to volunteer at soup kitchens. I started to, you know, think about, okay, I have this skill which is cooking, right. So I started a business teaching children how to cook. And then that became a pretty big business and I started doing summer camps and afterschool activities with kids cooking. And I still do that to this day, actually, and I've even grown it into now that I teach underserved communities how to get into the culinary field by teaching them culinary. So you see, I didn't think of that, you know, when I started umpteen years ago.

Speaker 2: 10:13

But if you at least try one thing you may like it, you may not, that's okay, it's your life Do what you want, right. So do it anyways what I say, and if right, good Even. Do that even more. You know, because I believe that you have to face and eliminate all restriction, which is what fear means to me. I face it, I eliminate. If it's a restriction, it's gone. I'm not doing that, we're going to get through it. So, as parents let's be real We've been through some stuff and we've dealt with really big things, especially if you have, you know, multiple kids, so you can do anything you put your mind through.

Speaker 1: 10:50

Yeah, I agree with that. You, just you. You just said something so quick. I don't even think you realized you said it. It's probably how you. You said this is how I think of fear, and it was literally an acronym.

Speaker 3: 11:00

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:00

I want you to say that again for people, because I was like what was that? I missed part of it. So the F was Face. Face.

Speaker 2: 11:08

And eliminate.

Speaker 1: 11:09

And eliminate.

Speaker 2: 11:10

All restrictions Face. Eliminate all restrictions, Wow.

Speaker 1: 11:15

That is like okay, let's go into that a little bit, so face and eliminate all restrictions.

Speaker 3: 11:21

I like that.

Speaker 1: 11:23

So fear and we talk a lot about on the show is like the coach speak is limiting beliefs, but I say it's like I can't do that, I couldn't do that, I'm not allowed to do that or whatever it may be. So how do you face that Like, if you want to eliminate everything right, all your restrictions, do you start with those words? Do you start with something else? How did you do it?

Speaker 2: 11:47

Yeah, that's a good question. So I, you know, I think, when you start to just do it and I know that that sounds easier said than done, but this is one of the issues that we have when we have limiting beliefs or the I can't mentality is you overthought it to begin with, right? So if you just do it when you're thinking it, you don't have time to talk yourself out of it, right? So I don't give myself much time, I give myself three to four seconds and off I go. Because if I last longer than five or six seconds, I'm not going to get it done. Because I start to go well, what about this? And well, what about that and what about this? And what if this comes in? What did you know? The whatabouts, right, the what ifs.

Speaker 2: 12:28

So I face it. I'm like oh, oh, this doesn't feel very good in my body, like I feel afraid of doing this video, I feel afraid of doing this blog, I feel afraid of whatever. I'm like, all right, I got to like, for instance, I wanted to start recording cooking videos. I haven't done it in years. I wanted to start again. And immediately fear came in, like oh, that's a big, a lot, that's a lot of work and I said, girl, stop. I went and took my iPad, I put it downstairs, I propped it up and I started cooking. You know, like what are you doing? Right, I don't give myself too much time, and I think we need to stop giving ourselves so much time that we talk ourselves out of it, or your brain is automatically going to shut down something it's afraid of, and so you have to, like, beat it to the punch.

Speaker 1: 13:14

Yeah, yeah, that's so good, I like that. But I also know folks may be listening and saying you know, nina sounds pretty tough to me. She went through it. A lot Doesn't like, doesn't sound like she puts up with a whole lot from anyone or herself. That's not me. How do I even take the first step?

Speaker 2: 13:31

Well, that's not me either. People listening are like'm always thinking about it. I always talk myself out of great things. Sometimes I do this all the time, and so, because I've had so much trauma, I don't have a lot of. I challenge myself a lot because I had low self-worth. I just didn't think I was valuable enough, good enough, smart enough, all the things, and so it is something that constantly creeps up. So I'm no different than anyone listening. I think that the only difference is is that I've mastered Nina in that as soon as I see the fear coming, I know me. If I allow it, I'll be sitting on the couch eating bonbons. For those of you who are my age 52 and plus, I'll be on the couch eating bonbons and literally soothing the unworthiness part of me. Does that make sense?

Speaker 1: 14:30

It makes perfect sense. Yeah, If you let the doubt seep in then, it just kind of spirals.

Speaker 2: 14:36

Yes, and then you soothe it.

Speaker 1: 14:37

You soothe it Netflix or doom scrolling, as the kids would say today. Yeah, whatever it may be Okay. I would imagine in your journey you probably have a lot of scars from that. But I've read a little bit. You use that to empower people. Now, yeah, can you tell me more?

Speaker 2: 14:53

about that? Yeah, because I realized that there was a lot of giftings in me that I didn't know I had. Right, you know, when you're growing up with a lot of trauma, you just don't see your worth. And so I started to think about my journey, as I, you know, when I wrote my book, I was like Nina, you've gone through quite a bit here, wow, you know. So I started writing those things down and I started writing what does that, what do those pillars look like? What does the framework look like? How did you get through these things?

Speaker 2: 15:26

And I started finding my true calling, my what I call my God given calling, because I believe in God, right? So, and I started to uncover my belief systems. And where did they come from? And it was a lot from family damage, right. And started to renew the things that they said to me for the truth of what God says about me, and I started to develop all of that. So it's like a divine discovery.

Speaker 2: 15:49

And then I have a visionary blueprint where I design my values. What is it that I have as my values? My values are faith, authenticity, truthfulness, kindness. These are big values for me. And so I help women kind of discover not kind of, but to discover what their value aligned business model is. What is it that they want to bring out into the world? And I started to think about how does that look for these women? And so we started to work on inner healing, transcending all of these unwanted belief systems. And then I also have a team now that I brought on to the business that helps women if they want to develop, like coaching businesses, for example. My team will then come in when we have done all the healing and build up their business and everything, and they will do their funnel building, their automation, all the things, all the things you need to actually run a business that nobody tells you about when you first.

Speaker 1: 16:53

You first come out here to run a business, right, exactly, yeah, okay, okay, the folks nina has mentioned a couple of times in the book. It's called hit me with your best shot how I Overcame a Hard-Hitting Life, and I think it's good to mention it because there are things in it I would imagine that are like ooh, okay, here's how I can transcend anything that's happened to me, even deep trauma, but also having your kids go off to school, having them leave the nest that's going to be emotional trauma for parents 100%.

Speaker 1: 17:29

And trying to wrap your head around. Ooh, if and this is what I think is the deep-seated one is like what if I'm not wanted anymore? You hinted at it before, right.

Speaker 2: 17:39

What if I'm not?

Speaker 1: 17:40

wanted anymore.

Speaker 2: 17:41

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 17:42

Then what?

Speaker 2: 17:43

Well, I call that a lie from the pit of hell. Is what that? What I?

Speaker 2: 17:47

call that a lie from the pit of hell. That's where that's from, because you are wanted, and that's the thing, like you know. I think it's just you're truly discovering, you know, all of these amazing, beautiful gifts that you have in you and and I know some people say, well, I don't know if I have any gifts no, you absolutely do, because we have gone through things in life and when you've gone through things in life, if you can pull and extract, what I say is, you know, chew the meat and spit out the bones, right, and so, while you are extracting the good stuff, spit out the ugly, bad stuff. Nobody needs it or wants it, unless you're going to reframe it into something better. But what you have learned is organization, how to be a parent, how to deal with issues. Like my kids had big issues.

Speaker 2: 18:31

I wrote it in my book like all the heavy issues that I'm through with my one of my children was on drugs, like things like that. Like there was a lot of things that I dealt with that were very heavy as a parent, but I learned to navigate and as I've been able to work with these women, they don't come to me for parenting advice, but we do speak about kids and things that we've gone through. You have got gifts within you. Be intentional to find out what they are. Discover them. It's going to be fun. You're going to learn so much, and what I mean is you are wanted because someone out here needs your voice, because there's something you have that they haven't been able to find. I really believe that that's a true belief of mine that we are all here to serve another human.

Speaker 1: 19:19

I love that, yeah, and I know folks maybe think well, for me it's my kids. I'm a parent, that's who I'm serving. But I totally agree with you. There are other people who could use your insight, could use how your brain works, how you think about things. Nobody thinks about the same thing the same way.

Speaker 2: 19:39

Exactly right. Yeah, I mean we're not reinventing the wheel.

Speaker 1: 19:42

Oh sure.

Speaker 2: 19:43

But we all have a different angle. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 19:45

Yeah, absolutely yeah. There's only so many thoughts in this world, right? We all just look at them a little bit differently. Our ideas are concepts. We just look at them a little bit differently and how we shape that for folks. But imagine, like folks, if you could do something amazing for somebody else, like Nina does with her people that she works with, and you focus on helping people build businesses, specifically coaching businesses but what, how, in that parallel, how might you say, oh, if you want to do something different, what would that look like?

Speaker 2: 20:17

If you want to do something different than.

Speaker 1: 20:20

I don't, I don't, I don't have a different period.

Speaker 2: 20:22

You mean like just different period. Oh yeah, I think that's you know, a little bit, going back from what we said before, like, try some different things and see what you like and don't like, because you're not going to like everything, right, like I, I wanted to get into what was it. It was something and I was like, oh no, I don't know, I don't like this. So I stopped up. You know, having I have a whole part of my business, that's all VA, it's a VA centric business and I have them do it.

Speaker 2: 20:56

I cannot stand going on social media every day, right, that's not my thing, but I did try it, right, cause I'm like you know what? I'm going to do this for like six to eight months. Let me see if I really like this, can I manage just myself, blah, blah, blah, couldn't stand it, couldn't stand it. Four to six months in, I'm like I'm really good at it and I hate it. So I'm not doing this anymore, right, so I did so I will tell anybody who's listening. Try it, like, if it's curious to you, like, right now I'm really curious about AI, very, very curious about AI and I'm very curious about coding, right. And so what did I do? I went out there and explored well, what free courses can I take on AI, what free courses can I take on coding, and see if I actually like it or not. So I'm just starting that Right.

Speaker 2: 21:39

I might hate it, I don't know, but the truth is is I'm not going to know unless I have fun trying to discover it. So I will tell you. Have some freaking fun. Life is super short. You are not promised tomorrow, so make today count, and that means fun. That's it. Just go have some fun. Go have some damn fun, y'all.

Speaker 1: 21:59

Yeah, that was just literally broccoli advice. And so it just popped in my head. Do you know what broccoli advice is? No, it's just it just popped into my head. You were talking about just try it. It's like when a parent says, oh, just try the broccoli, yeah Right, if you don't like it, it's okay. Yeah, yeah, you have to try it. And so, like I was like, don't like whatever you're trying, then go and try something different until you find what you like Exactly. And that's the opportunities are endless at this stage in life. But don't wait, right, the other pieces, don't wait for it all to happen.

Speaker 3: 22:33

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 22:34

Throughout your entire journey what's one thing you've learned about yourself? Oh, that's a good question. I think I've learned that I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was. I used to, you know, for many, many years, especially because I was a lot stronger than I thought I was. I used to, you know, for many, many years, especially because I was a very young mother.

Speaker 2: 22:51

I had my children very young and I struggled a lot with depression and anxiety and things like that, just constantly trying to be the best, do the best. You know, I was like a very performance driven individual and I always thought I'm not good enough, I'm just not smart enough, I just can't do this. You know all the stuff that comes at you when you're a human being trying to just make it in this world. And I realized what, especially when I wrote my book, especially then, is when I realized how strong I actually am. I didn't realize it because I was just in the motions, you know, just going, but I'm freaking strong, like I didn't realize that Right.

Speaker 2: 23:29

So now what we? You know it used to take me years to get through. Whether it was shame or unforgiveness or depression or anger, whatever that thing was. It used to take me like years to get through. Then I started to work on myself. It started taking me months, and then weeks and then days, and now it just takes moments. Not many things affect me for a long term anymore, so I think it's my ability to pivot and and my strength to withstand things when they are hard.

Speaker 1: 24:04

So good, so good. Of all the things that you've done. You've clearly done a lot in your life. How much of it have you done in your emptiness life? I think people will be interested to know ooh, it was all stuff she did before she left home, or has she done a lot since then?

Speaker 2: 24:22

No, since then, when my kids started leaving the home is when I started to work on my podcast and started to do cooking videos on YouTube and I started to develop my coaching business, and all that was done as the kids were out of the house. So all of that came after. I just can't even believe I had the strength to do all of that, but I it's fun, it's freaking fun, and I just didn't have, I didn't have to worry too much, like when I started studying to become a coach and all that. Yeah, my kids were younger and stuff, but then they got, you know, 18, 19, 20. And then they were like ow, they were like bye, mom, deuces. You know they were out of here, but we're very close, like very close, and sometimes they tell me a little more than I need to or want to know.

Speaker 2: 25:12

But I started a routine with them when they were younger. We would sit down at the table and this is when I started to get into my own self-development journey and I started something at the table called free time and what that was was that when we were having dinner, it was free time, meaning anything that they did, anything that happened, anything that they shouldn't have done, but they did it anyway. They can talk about it at dinnertime for that hour with absolutely no consequences to the action, only that they had to listen to advice. Give me two to three things they could have done alternatively to that action that they took. And nobody was allowed to walk away from the table until the conversation was over, and so it helped my family a lot. And now, as adults because my children are from the age of 37, my youngest is 27, they tell me everything, everything, a little too much, but everything.

Speaker 1: 26:13

Making those strong connections which. I know some people struggle with when the kids are adults, that they don't know how to navigate that. Yeah, it's tough. It's a tough child, yeah, kind of transformation that happens there. So I think that's an important piece is like, how can we find ways to make that accessible, or how can we approach it more? Or does it mean because you didn't start it earlier that you can't start it now?

Speaker 2: 26:38

Absolutely, or just ask them. They're adults now, right, I asked my kids because my son just had a baby. She's a year old, right? And I didn't actually know how to navigate that, because my youngest daughter she's 27. She has two kids, but she lives in Florida. I'm all the way in Texas, so I'm not as involved physically. I talk to her every day but my son, on the other hand, lives maybe 30 minutes away. How do I navigate that, right? So I asked, I just asked. I'm like, okay, so you're a dad, it's your baby girl, my grandbaby, you know I'm gonna be all over her. So what are my parameters? You know, how do I respect your space? How do I come at this? How do I advise you? And he was very clear on that, and so now we have, I have a clear roadmap. I know exactly how he wants me to talk to him and how he wants me to communicate. And it's been great, because you have to ask the questions A lot of times. We just assume and we should stop doing that they're adults now.

Speaker 1: 27:40

Yeah, we assume we'll, we'll, we'll live in their lives the way that we lived in their lives.

Speaker 2: 27:44

Yeah, we want to actually.

Speaker 1: 27:49

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 27:49

We want to actually as well. Yeah, we're just coming over without being without an answer.

Speaker 1: 27:53

We're here, where's the baby Exactly? As opposed to saying Ooh, yeah, how do you want me to operate in your new?

Speaker 2: 28:00

now yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 28:01

I understand it's your life now. How do you want me to show up in it?

Speaker 2: 28:05

It's hard to to get. You know the answers. With the restrictions, I don't like the answers. But it also gives you freedom, though, because it lowers the ability to have like some kind of tension, you know it. It doesn't allow us to have to argue with each other or anything because I disrespected him, so he may see it that way. So I'm really really um with the how was I going to say the kids? They're not kids anymore. The men and the women in my life.

Speaker 1: 28:35

There are kids.

Speaker 2: 28:36

Yeah, they sure are. I told them, you're still my baby.

Speaker 1: 28:39

Yeah, I still see you as four and that's okay. That's how it is. But I love that piece about just opening up the conversation because it is a huge topic for parents who are empty nesting around. How do I navigate this now? Even when the kids first leave and go to college, ask them how do you want me to communicate with you? Do you want me?

Speaker 1: 28:58

to just call you. Do you want to set a set of time? Do you want me to text you? Do you want me to wait for you to text me? But let them guide the conversation. You decide how decide how you're gonna. Yeah, so good. I love that. I love that. What's one thing that you wish for your future self as you're going through what you're doing now? If you looked at yourself at at 80, what's one thing you would wish for yourself?

Speaker 2: 29:22

Oh, that's such a good question. You know, I, I, I do, um, I meditate, right, I try to meditate. Anyway, adhd brains don't really meditate that well, but I try, and I've thought of that. Actually, I've taken myself down what I call a two-path journey. One path is what would life be like if I stayed exactly the same and did nothing, and in my deathbed, what would I think? And then the other path is if I started to do different things that I wanted to do along this path, one or five years, 10 years, 15 years deathbed what would that look like?

Speaker 2: 29:53

And so your question is very relevant to that, because what I want to leave behind is a legacy of love and transformation and compassion and growth for others and for myself. I love learning, so that's what I want to do in my deathbed one day is just look back and say, man, I lived a really good, full life and I believe that I've impacted people in a really good, full way. That's what I want. That's what I want, and that doesn't mean millions and billions and gajillions of dollars. That just means joy and peace and love and compassion, and you know, that's what that means to me. That's what I want.

Speaker 1: 30:31

I love it. So we we didn't really talk about your story in particular, Like we didn't dive into many details, but I'm just curious what's one thing that a lot of people don't know about you?

Speaker 3: 30:43

Hmm.

Speaker 2: 30:45

I'm like what don't people know about me? I wrote a book about me. I'm like what don't?

Speaker 1: 30:49

people know about me. I wrote a book about me Exactly.

Speaker 2: 30:50

I don't know. That's a good question. Uh, I think a lot of people, going back to what you said earlier, like they think oh, Nina's tough, and I think one of the things that people don't know is how insecure I feel often, you know, because I am always online often, you know, because I am always online, a lot of my business is built online.

Speaker 2: 31:13

You know you might see me as completely confident and go-getter-ness, and because that's really the part of me that comes out, because I struggle a lot with being insecure about, you know, am I good enough, smart enough, can I do this? You know I do struggle quite a bit a lot with that, and so I have to overcome that by going. Remember, I told you I just go, so I just go. So I think people don't see that part of me. So sometimes people think, oh, nina's good, but nobody checks in on me because Nina's always good.

Speaker 1: 31:44

Yeah, that makes sense, it makes perfect. Yeah, yeah, I feel that a hundred percent A lot of my social media is me walking and talking. But, folks, I'll tell you, it looks like it's so natural, but it takes me about 45 minutes of a 55 minute walk to psych myself up to create a video. Right, like, ooh, like, is it going to be good enough? Same?

Speaker 2: 32:05

Yes, the same Sometimes. I don't even record, because I'm like, ah no, it's not good enough. It's not good enough.

Speaker 1: 32:11

Exactly my coach talks about just you have to gag and go right. Just you know, just deal with it. And so I think that's a lot of what this conversation is about. It's like you feel stuck and you're not sure what to do. Do it anyway.

Speaker 2: 32:25

Do it anyway.

Speaker 1: 32:25

We don't build courage and then do stuff. We do stuff to build courage.

Speaker 2: 32:31

Exactly. Yeah, I think we always have that backwards anyway. As humans, right, we think we need to be like pumped up to do it. No, no, no, you just do it. Then you get pumped up because you realize how good or how bad you were. That was really bad, okay, yeah. What do we do to change that?

Speaker 1: 32:45

Exactly.

Speaker 2: 32:46

We got it out there. The bad is already done. Now. That's good. Now let's get to the good stuff. You know, yeah, oh, a hundred percent, A hundred percent.

Speaker 1: 32:54

So if you look at your entire life, right and folks, if you want to learn more, you can you buy the book you read about her entire journey and this entire journey. But if you could go back and you looked at your entire life, what's one thing you would do differently? If you knew, no one would judge you.

Speaker 2: 33:12

That's such a great question. You know, I've always said that I wouldn't change a thing because it made me who I am today. I honestly really believe that. But if I can go back to me and encourage me just a bit more, you know, and just say, listen, you're going to go through some shiznick in life, you know. So I want to encourage you that you're a badass at the 52, but just remember, you got this. I think that's the only thing I would change is the encouragement. I had no encouragement in my life and so that kept me a lot in pressure and in this wheel, this hamster wheel that I couldn't get off of. So I think that's what I would change More encouragement, because I feel like I would be maybe stronger or further along than I am at 52. Does that make sense?

Speaker 3: 34:02

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 34:02

But other than that, the traumas I mean and there's a lot of traumas in my life. I don't know if I would change those things. I think I would just want the knowledge on how to get through them better.

Speaker 1: 34:15

Yes, yeah, to not spin in it. It's cliche to say, but people say it often. It's like how did this happen for me instead of to me? Yeah, exactly, exactly I.

Speaker 2: 34:28

But no, that now, but I wish I knew that during yeah exactly. Right.

Speaker 1: 34:35

Uh, one question, like one more question before I let you go, is what's the most difficult decision you've ever made in your journey?

Speaker 2: 34:44

Oh, okay, there's a few.

Speaker 1: 34:49

Um there's.

Speaker 2: 34:52

there's quite a bit of decisions in my life and in my journey of this life that I have found extremely hard. I think, um, I think, well, there's, there's a couple, but I'm going to choose the one that's really on my heart. So I have a son. He's now 31. He is an amazing kid now, but when he was younger he was getting into a lot of trouble and he was doing drugs and he was hanging out with unsavory people and just doing a lot of things. And during this journey of me you know, starting to do my coaching and growing and whatever I was also contending with him and what he was going through and I literally ripped him out of the life he was in and threw his ass thousands of miles away. So we lived in Connecticut and I threw him to Texas by himself to fend for himself.

Speaker 2: 35:50

He was 18. And that was the hardest decision I have ever had to make as a parent and as mom and as just as a human, because that was my baby. But it was either that or contend with the fact that I may have to either look for him in jail or bury him in the ground. And he hated me for it. Didn't speak to me for a very long time because he was so angry, and I don't blame him for the anger, but I think that was the hardest journey. The hardest piece of my journey was making a decision that was against all of my being as a parent. You know, just taking your kid and just putting them in a place where he's going to have to, he's going to have to navigate this because I'm not going to bury my son young. I just won't do it.

Speaker 2: 36:37

You know it just won't happen Not on my watch, right and so, even though he loves me now and we get along great now, he hated me for a very long time and I said it's okay for you to hate me because I'm not your friend, I'm your mother. So you can hate me, but one day you'll talk to me again. No, I'm not, it's very angry. I don't blame him, but I think that was the hardest decision to do that while trying to be a better coach, be a better person, be a better. Everything was against me in that moment, because I felt like I am a terrible mother, terrible coach, terrible person, terrible everything. But it was the best decision I ever made in my life. He has become the best human.

Speaker 1: 37:19

I love that. I love that, nina, and I'm pretty sure that was God clapping his hands telling him.

Speaker 2: 37:24

Yeah, probably because that thunder is loud.

Speaker 1: 37:27

Just reminding you, just reminding you you did a good job. You did the right thing. Thank you so much for joining me today on this emptiness life. Folks, if you're wondering kind of what comes next for you, listen to this episode over again. Nina has so many nuggets in here. Especially the one about fear is something I think we all need to think about. It's like how can we just let that go and move on? Yeah, really appreciate you being here today.

Speaker 2: 37:55

I appreciate you having me here. Thank you so much. This was so nice, I loved it.

Speaker 3: 38:00

Are you ready to start living and enjoying your empty nest years? If so, head over to jasonramsdencom and click work with me to get the conversation started. This Empty Nest Life is a production of Impact. One Media LLC. All rights reserved.