120. Parents Can Build Deeper Bonds Through Simple Daily Texts

What if staying close to your adult children didn’t require long calls, perfect timing, or instant replies? In this episode, author Tammy Cohen introduces a straightforward, impactful practice: short, consistent texts that convey love, gratitude, and wisdom without expectation or pressure. Think of them as modern lunchbox notes—daily messages that meet your kids where they are, cut through digital noise, and nurture trust over time.

Tammy shares how her own mindset shift during the pandemic inspired this approach, shaped by her years of learning about resilience, accountability, and mindfulness. She explains how to start in just 10 minutes a day, what to send when you feel stuck, and how consistency transforms texting into a quiet superpower—keeping the door open even when life gets messy.

This episode offers practical advice on meeting your adult children on their terms, strengthening your long-term bond, and showing up with authenticity—and without overwhelm. 

Highlights & Key Takeaways:

• Texting is today’s version of the lunchbox note—simple, steady, and meaningful.
• Meet your kids where they are—without pressure or expectations.
• Focus messages on love, gratitude, and wisdom.
• Detach from outcomes; prioritize consistency over perfection.
• Use 10 minutes daily to build a habit of heartfelt connection.
• Use books and quotes to inspire reflection and deeper connection.

Tammy Cohen Bio
Tammy J. Cohen is an author, entrepreneur, and podcaster who helps families foster meaningful connections in a digital age. As a mother of three and wife, her recent personal journey has centered on embracing her identity as a "human being" grounded in faith and self-awareness, especially after a transformative pandemic experience. She is passionate about using everyday tools like mobile devices to nurture deep relationships, exemplified through her book Text Messages to My Sons. Tammy’s work blends personal growth, faith, and practical communication strategies to inspire others to build love and understanding with their loved ones.

Find Tammy Online: Instagram, Website

Chapters

• 0:00 Meet Kids Where They Are
• 0:24 Show Intro And Guest Setup
• 0:45 The Empty Nest Communication Challenge
• 1:49 Why Texting Works For Gen Z
• 3:20 Unconditional Notes Without Expectations
• 5:00 Letting Independence Grow At College
• 8:45 Be The Pillar And Beacon
• 11:35 From Pandemic Wake-Up To Daily Practice
• 16:20 What To Send: Wisdom, Gratitude, Resilience
• 19:25 Consistency Over Conversation
• 22:50 Building The Habit In Ten Minutes
• 24:15 Disconnection, Coaching, And Being Seen
• 26:55 Grandparents, Divorced Dads, Wider Impact
• 29:08 Phones As Lunchbox Notes 2.0
• 31:20 Legacy, Memory, And Daily Love
• 34:05 Mutual Support Through Health Trials
• 36:46 Keeping The Door Open As Roles Shift
• 39:10 Pass It On: Make Connection Contagious
• 40:25 Tammy’s Motto And Lifelong Learning

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

We have to talk to our kids and reach our kids where they are, not where we want them to be. They're not going to sit down and have in-person conversations because nobody's really geared that way anymore. It doesn't cost you actually to use the phone to send a message of love and gratitude and inspiration. It's a very simple thing to do and it's a very consistent habit to build. But you have to have zero expectations that they're going to answer you back. But I guarantee you they're going to read it.

SPEAKER_00: 0:24

Welcome to this empty nest life. Join Jay Ramsden as he leads you on a transformative journey through the uncharted seas of midlife and empty nesting. If you're ready to embark on this new adventure and redefine your future, you're in the right place. Here's your host, the empty nest coach, Jay Ramsden.

SPEAKER_02: 0:43

Hey there, my emptiness friends. One of the trickiest parts of empty nesting, especially in the early stages, is managing how we communicate with our kids. We want to stay connected while also giving them the room to create independence, all while trying to let them know, hey, we're thinking about you and care how you're doing. It's a delicate balance between their needs and ours. Well, today's guest just might have found the secret sauce. Tammy Cohen, author of Text Messages to My Sons, A Guide to Using Mobile Devices to Connect and Communicate Deeply with Your Kids, is here in the studio, and we're going to tackle this conversation head on. Tammy, welcome to this emptiness life.

SPEAKER_01: 1:23

Danny, thank you so much for having me on.

SPEAKER_02: 1:26

Yeah, I am so excited that you're here, especially since we tried and failed once before between because of technical difficulties, which I think is great. Like that kind of feeds into this. How do we use mobile devices to connect and communicate with our kids deeply, especially once they kind of launch a little bit? But you're on a mission to have parents connect with their kids in a positive way using devices. Why? How did that come to be?

SPEAKER_01: 1:51

Well, you know what it is? We have to talk to our kids and reach our kids where they are, not where we want them to be. And the thing is, is that everybody's the nature of the beast is everybody is on a phone. Where's the phone? It's in your hand, it's in your back pocket, it's in it's in your bag. That's just where they are. They're not going to sit down and have in-person conversations because nobody's really geared that way anymore. And I hate to say it, I see the the differences like with Gen Z and they're not really conversational. It's very hard for them to have those kind of skill sets. It's not like how when we were growing up and we had to like our we had to sit and have a conversation. You only had three channels on the TV, and the phone was connected to the wall. Like, where are you gonna go with the phone? It was no phone. You're gonna talk. That was it. So it's very different now. But the thing is, is that you can't like expect it to be what you want it to be. It has to be an unconditional thing. And I always say, not only do you would you use a phone, because that's what you have. It doesn't cost you actually to use the phone to send a message of love and gratitude and inspiration. It doesn't cost you therapy. It's not, it's a very simple thing to do, and it's a very consistent habit to build. But you have to have zero expectations that they're gonna answer you back. But I guarantee you they're gonna read it.

SPEAKER_02: 3:13

Uh, I love that part. Meet what two pieces of that meet them where they are and have no expectations. And this time of year is a big time for people for their kids to go off to college. And I see a lot in Facebook groups and in my social feed, is like people are saying, Is it like I text and I don't get anything back and I feel horrible about that, etc. How did you kind of overcome that, or how do you overcome that in the book to help people understand it's okay?

SPEAKER_01: 3:40

Yeah, well, first of all, like I just realized like the reason I'm doing this is not it's not about why why they don't have to validate me that I'm a good model. They don't have to answer because having an ex when you put an expectation on something, then you stop doing it when it doesn't meet your expectation. And the point is that you're building a habit here. Okay, you're sending that message to them regardless because it's unconditional, it's unconditional love. It's not dependent on what they think or say or if they send you an emoji back. Uh, it's it's not about judging, it's not a judgment of what kind of parent you were. What I find is that you have to also understand like your kid is not the same kid that lived at home and went to high school. They're leaving the home, they're living somewhere else part of like a good part of the year. They're experiencing a whole new thing, and you've got to be okay with that because the independence does change with every milestone. Think about it. Lower school to middle school, they're getting more independent. Yes, they're at home in high school, they're getting more independent, but yeah, you still have to do the reminder and the reprimands and the commands and things like that. But once you're leaving the nest, they're going and living somewhere else. And that's you can't do that kind of same communication with them. You kind of have to change it up and let them be because you're discovering a whole new environment now. They're they're engaging in a whole other, a whole other thing right now, and it's very different than home. So you gotta be cool with that. You gotta be cool with that, but you gotta be supportive because it is gonna be confusing for them. And always remember that you are the you are the pillar at the end of the day. You are their pillar, whether they tell you that or not, you are.

SPEAKER_02: 5:24

I love that. Yeah, yeah. The pillar almost like that, you're their foundation, you're the place they come back to, even if they're not coming back to you constantly over and over and over again. And they're, I think the point is great, Timmy, is like the new, it's a new experience for them. They're finding their way, right? I think think about how overwhelming that is to go to a new place, meet lots of people, exactly, figure out a new schedule, and oh, I gotta respond to mom and or dad, like regularly as a thing and it's just it's so new.

SPEAKER_01: 5:53

I mean, think about there you have to your your schedule is what you may get, and and and registering and getting all that, everything and learning at campus and meeting all these new people. It's not it's very, very daunting in a lot of ways. It's it's a it's a lot, it's like a grown-up moving to a completely new city, nobody, you don't know where you're going, you don't know where anything really is that well. And you now your parents are telling you, you haven't spoken to me every day. You know what I mean? You're not talking, you're not texting me, you're not doing this. It's it's you gotta let them assimilate a little bit, but let them know that every day you're sending the message of you got this. Like I believe in you. You're very you're you're I'm here for you. And and if anything isn't making sense to you, I'm here for you. That's it. You know what I'm saying? Just be there, be that that beacon. That's it.

SPEAKER_02: 6:47

I I love that because it's almost like a love note on a fridge where you may get more extended conversation because they're you you happen to be in the kitchen or whatever when they come by to see you. But this is different. But also parents struggle with it. Why do you think that is? Parents struggle with which part with the living at home with the not the living at home. Parents struggle with communicating with their kids when they're away because of the expectations. Why do you think they struggle with that?

SPEAKER_01: 7:14

Yeah, yeah, because we're we live in a society where you're like, you expect there's an expectation that something's gonna happen. If you do something, something's gonna be happening. And it we're we're still very much a society that uh relies in external validation. Like my kids, I didn't expect my kids to tell me, mommy, I love you, mommy, you're the best. I had three sides, it's not happening. They're not well, what they're gonna send me like hearts and flowers and things. It's not realistic, but let me tell you something. They wrote the forward to the book. Why they write the forward to the book? Because they they they recognized, they said knowing that somebody loves you enough, cares about you enough to take every day to send you like Monday through Friday to tell you something, to share wisdom, to be grateful for you, to it's it's everything, it makes you bulletproof. And that's what it's really about. Like I said, I think people have to just let go of whatever they think they need to hear back from their kid and just let it go because that's not what it's about. It's really not because once a kid knows there's an expectation on them, you just change the whole dynamic of what this is for.

SPEAKER_02: 8:32

Yeah, yeah, 100%. But for the people who are kind of listening, oh, I can hear it a voice. She Tammy's a tough New Yorker. This doesn't, this is not the same. I'm not the same. What do you what do you say to that person?

SPEAKER_01: 8:44

I'm a mom. I'm a mom. Of course, I'm not different than anybody else. And the truth of the matter is, is that this is my experience. Okay. I wrote the book based on spreads and why. How did I start doing this? What like people say to me, like, why do you do this? Like, well, where did it come from? So basically it came from, and I found it very interesting during the pandemic, when the first pandemic happened, because I'm recalled recently just I've been coming out of my own personal pandemic. But when the first pandemic happened, we were shut down, and I had a lot of time to think. And I realized I wasn't happy, I wasn't okay, I wasn't, I wasn't very good. My I had a lot of these beliefs and I didn't realize what was going through my head. I had a lot of saboteurs. I was working, I was traveling a lot, but I wasn't happy. And I I knew I wasn't even in the best favorite mind as a parent, raising children. And I said, okay, now I'm not working and I want to work on myself. So, Jay, I started, you know, jumping into like, you know, Tony Robbins and Joan Spencer. I was like reading nonsense. I was in Mind Valley, I was in every course and program, I hired coaches. I was because you know what I realized? Like, nobody learns about mindset. They don't teach gratitude, appreciation, accountability, they don't teach any of this stuff in school and how how our minds work and how we feel things and what happens to us, and from being as a child and generational discord and the soul, like they just there's no education about this. I said, this stuff is fascinating. And who did I want to share it with? My sons. I wanted to share with them what I'm learning because I found it fascinating. And my concern was that that they didn't have any of that, that they didn't know, and they didn't, and as a kid, I wanted to also be accountable to them and explain some of my behaviors, that things that that was not them. And I went into this whole thing, and one thing led into another, and it was so heart-centered, and just this love and gratitude and sharing wisdom. Jay, there's so many brilliant people who've walked the earth the last couple hundred years that our kids they don't have exposure to. And I was like, this is amazing. These people took years to figure things out, and they wrote a book, and I could read that book and and share it. So a lot of my the text messages have quotes and things from like leaders and things that I I never thought about. I never actually thought about before. So it was it was a it was a great time of engagement. And you know what? They liked it. They liked seeing me learning, they like seeing me expanding myself, they liked that I was trying. They saw me as a human being.

SPEAKER_02: 11:36

Yeah, oh, that's so good, Tammy. They saw you as a human being who has uh success and failures or winnings and learnings, whatever you want to call it. But that also that you were being an example of kind of what's possible too. Now, when did you start? When did you start this when the boys were high school, college? What like when did you start?

SPEAKER_01: 11:56

So my youngest was still in college, but my older two were out of college. So my point was is like I started this learning when I was 58 years old. And if you would have told me five years ago, you know, oh, you're gonna be an author, you're gonna be a podcaster, you're gonna find a woman's business network, you're gonna expand your business, I wouldn't have looked at you like you were hot because I would be like, What are you talking about? The thing is, is that I don't know, I just like it just happened and it just came to me. And every every minute that I went through, whatever I was going through, it like it was opening up so many doorways in my head. And I just felt like I I needed to, I needed to do this with that. I would talk about when I was doing with my kids, and they were like, wow, that's amazing. You should put that in a book. And I never thought about it. I didn't start I didn't start do this to write a book. I just did this because I wanted to share with my kids. And it was sharing, and you see the beginning texts are really more about sharing, and then you see where I'm just like how much I love them, how much they mean. Like it just started coming out. And I tell people, like, they go, Well, I don't know what to text, I don't know what to do. Like, how do you start this? I don't have time. And I'm like, listen, you have 960 minutes in a week between Monday and Friday that you're awake. You can find 10 minutes to send a text, a meaningful text. And you know what? If you don't have kids, it's okay. Do you have a friend who you want who you need to connect to? You have a a niece and nephew, grandparents do grandchildren. You know, there's somebody who always needs it because we're humans and we need that. We need to know somebody cares about us. We need to know somebody's there for us. That's really very simple. And um, I realize it for myself and I realize it for my kids too. It's not enough to give the one-off. I love you, I love you. You uh I tell everybody I love them. I'm from New York. I'm like, hey, love you, love you. But like really, when you're consistent, James Clear. When you're yeah, exactly, when you do it every day, it's different than just doing a one-off.

SPEAKER_02: 14:00

Yeah, and I like too that it's different, right? It's not, hey, how you doing? Or open-ended questions. It's more just something to think about. Right? This is what I was thinking about today. I just want to share it with you because it was so powerful for me. Right.

SPEAKER_01: 14:16

And so what do you think, you know? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 14:19

Do the boys respond back to them or or they just kind of just consume them and doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_01: 14:25

Each kid is different, and it's so funny because like I said, I was I started this with my boy. It's never too late to start something. It's never too late. Totally agree. Totally agree. It doesn't matter. I have parents who say to me, I uh my kids, I they they have a phone. I'm like, yeah, start with them, but send them messages that are appropriate for each age, because they're they're like the messages I have to 25 at the time and 30-year-olds are not the same as the message you sent to middle school, you know? It's all based on that. But as far as responding, each kid is different. I have one son who responds all the time with I love you. And another son will go, like, here and there'll be love you. One son will send me an emoji once in a while. It's not consistent, not every day, but one son is more consistent than the other than the other ones, but it's okay. Like a lot of sometimes I'll get a oh great message. Like once in a blue moon, I'll get great message. Oh, my favorite is that was really long.

SPEAKER_02: 15:27

That was really that was too much.

SPEAKER_01: 15:30

It was really kidding, are you nuts? Because like I'm I like to I'll get into it. Like, I'll tell you and I'm just pouring out my heart and all this stuff that I learned, and they're just like, What? Yeah, why why, mom? Why? Why until they'll be like, Well, that was that was nice. Yeah, Tony Robin said that of which you thought that was unbelievable.

SPEAKER_02: 15:53

Yeah, awesome, mom. Thanks.

SPEAKER_01: 15:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 15:56

Do you this is what I've been curious about since you and I decided to have a conversation. Do you send the same quote to each kid or is it different for each one?

SPEAKER_01: 16:06

Mostly what I make sure is I don't do like in a group, but I like I have a guy who his son, he told me my son is eight months old. So I I put the message in my in my group with my family. And I'm like, that's brilliant. I love that you're putting a message in every day in your family that you I love that. But with my kids, I send each one individually, but it's pretty much the same message. Once in a while, I might change some things and make it a little bit more to that that sun. But overall, it's it's the same, pretty much the same message to each kid, but and they each get it separately. And I don't, I don't it's it's not like where I'm writing, oh my son, oh, their names. Everything is good morning sunshine, because I love that song, Good Morning Sunshine. You are my son shine. So it's always good morning or good afternoon sunshine. And I always sign off with my love for them and hearts. I put the hard emojis. So the good morning sunshine, there's a sunshine emoji, every message. And then at the end, when I'm telling them how I love them across universes and lifetimes and stuff like that, I have to have the hearts there. But otherwise, of the rest of it, it's just the text that I'm writing. Yeah, there's no other emojis. I I don't use any other.

SPEAKER_02: 17:20

Yeah, and just boom, done. And what I like about it too is it's not, oh, you you talk to them and they're going through something and trying to impart wisdom in the moment. It's just constant. And there's a consistency to it.

SPEAKER_01: 17:33

But you know, a lot of times, like sharing wisdom, like war, a lot of my messages have resilience themes to it because it's so important, you know, like today, you know, like you have that yes, nothing is overnight, that like it's okay to fail, that there's that life is not trying to hurt you, and that whatever's happening to you is not happening to you, it's happening for you, which is what I learned. But life is that you look at life as your friend, as your best friend. You understand it's not trying to hurt you, trying to help you, it's giving you gifts. You learn from these things. You wind up pivoting when you look at it in a positive way. I'm gonna learn from this, it's gonna make me stronger. Okay. I I'm going off the main road of life. I'm going into this side road for a reason. When am I gonna get out of this? Okay, you will pivot faster. You will, you will do, you will, you will come through things. If you're gonna look at life, I want I I always try to explain this with them. If you look at life, is it very hard and challenging? Why why me? Why is this happening? The life is gonna be sucked out of you. It's well how you want to look at it, but there is no failure. And that was very like important for me to share with them because we live in a world, a lot going on. They have a phone, right? As much as it's great, we're more connected than ever, but people are more disconnected because you also have algorithms and you have social media that's doing the exact opposite of anything empowering. It's actually stealing your focus, giving you misinformation and indoctrination. We're Jewish. Like you can imagine, like the whole, like this whole world of the circle of concern. And that's what I try to give them that that steady moment that there's somebody there that is like the almost the the opposite voice of everything else that's around them and that they're hearing, they need that because the energy of love and gratitude and that inspiration and that sharing of real wisdom, okay, that is a very high frequency vibrating energy. When I send that message, Jay, I feel like I release this energy that's up here, very high. And then when they're reading it, they're they're releasing that energy. And what is what is violence and hate? What is all that? It's negative, it's low energy. So the more that parents send out this energy and send out this love, and that kid's reading it and they're feeling it, regardless of if they're answering or not, that energy is really gonna overpower that negative energy. That's my belief. Okay. And we all know energy exists. Like there, it's 100% energy. We're made of energy. This world is energy. And uh, and I really feel we can each is that's my that's my mission, is get a movement of parents who really want to reach out, or anybody you want to reach out to to connect to. The more connected we are, the more full we more love we share and empathy and compassion. We really can make a difference in the energy of this world.

SPEAKER_02: 20:35

I I can imagine people listening, be like, oh my god, Tammy's so enlightened. She's read a bunch, like she's passing it on her kids. That's not me. Like, I'm not that well read. I don't know what to share with my kids, I don't even know how to go about it. Like, how did you even get started? Like to day one was like, how did you do that?

SPEAKER_01: 20:53

So, okay, here's the thing. That's why this book, right? It's the first book, by the way. This is this is my second book. This is the expanded edition because I learned so much after writing the first book. I went back in. So this book actually, the the second book, A Guide to Using Mobile Devices to Connect and Communicate with the Kids, has four years of text messages, has more chapters. It has the the intro and the and the epilogue for every chapter, the why, the why of it. And each chapter is a category of messages like gratitude and appreciation, mindfulness and uh and and and accountability, uh leadership and focus, uh discipline and determination. There's all these different categories, right? And take the book, take a message that you like a category from and tweak it. I guarantee you, once you build the habit, and you can do the 10 minutes every day, you just send a message. I guarantee you won't need the book. Because you know what's gonna happen? You become more present. You start when you take that when you make that message happen every day, you start noticing everything around you. You'll walk down the sheet and you will see something you never saw before, and you will share it with your kids. I always say to my kids, like, my God, there's a sign. I just saw it. It said, God loves you. And I was like, that's a message. Like you see things and you start, it becomes very heart-centered, and you start noticing things and you start sharing from your heart. And it's very simple, it's not hard. That's why that's why I put the book out there because you can go and and and you don't have to be a genius to sort this. You have all these messages already written.

SPEAKER_02: 22:32

Tweak them, tweak them, yeah. Makes it easy. How do you get consistent with it? Because I know probably parents struggle with that. It's such a uh it's paramount to what you're talking about. It's like consistency is so important, but I know parents probably struggle with that consistency. You're saying Monday through Friday. How did you build that muscle? What does that look like? Share a little bit about that.

SPEAKER_01: 22:52

That's that's a great question. So I was reading James Clear. I was always reading if I read a book and I liked it, I would just like Amazon it over to my kids. Now it's audiobooks. Like nobody even wants to read. It has to be an audiobook, Jenny. Exactly. I love reading it. It's like I don't have time to read. Okay. I'm like, I'm a reader, but and my kids were readers growing up, and now it's audiobooks. But how how do you start? It's it's like anything else. You have to make time to do it. How do you how do you make the time to go to the gym? How do you make the time to do anything?

SPEAKER_02: 23:23

You know, yeah, great point.

SPEAKER_01: 23:25

Like I say to people, if you don't have it's 10 minutes, if you don't have 10 minutes anytime the day, then you're there's something with your time that you have to look at. Because it's not more than that. And we have nine hundred like I break it down, like I said, there's nine hundred and sixty minutes that you're awake from Monday to Friday. So what is 10 minutes like a day? It's not, it's not crazy. So people it's like anything else, it's building a muscle, and you have to like you do other things that you schedule into the day. So just think about it and do it and say, I'm gonna do this because that's how I'm gonna I'm gonna reach my kid. Because what is what is depression? Which a lot of our kids are dealing with, okay. I speak with parents and coaches quite a bit, I'm always interested in what they have to say, and it's fascinating to me. And the 18 to 30 year old group is like coaches who are seeing that they they're getting a lot of requests from parents, kids of that age. And you're thinking, Are you kidding? That's an adult. Right. You're thinking, oh, like coaching is for little kids. No, no, no. There is a big demand for parents, for coaches of parents to 18, 30-year-old kids because they're very they're feeling having problems with addiction, disconnection, depression. Why? We're more connected than ever, right? You can you can you can reach anybody anywhere at any time. What's going on? So there's something going on, and that's where okay, we have to make that difference. We have to reach out to them and let them feel connected. And Simon Sinek says it really great, actually. When somebody's going through something really, really horrible, they really only need eight minutes of your time in total. Eight minutes. Eight minutes when somebody's going through hell can make all the difference. And it's true. Like it's not it's not about the the amount of time, it's the fact that you're there day in and day out, letting them know that they matter. That's it.

SPEAKER_02: 25:27

It's a consistent, and they're your kids, right? You don't have ten minutes a day for your kids, even if they don't live with you, they matter. Yeah, I think that's such an important point. What's the feedback bit been from parents who have read your book, they've implemented the strategies and skills. I'm sure they reach out to you. What what what do you hear from them?

SPEAKER_01: 25:46

Wow. Happiness that they're doing it. It works like I haven't had anybody who's I've had once in a while here. Oh, you feel like my son said, Don't I don't what are you doing? I don't want you to do this. Don't do this. Like, why are you messaging? And I'm like, who cares? It doesn't matter if you watch them because I don't care what age you are, okay. Every person, it doesn't it doesn't matter what age you are, they want to know that their parents loved them and thought they were worthy, thought they were good for, okay. Every everybody and all of your saboteurs come from not feeling love, not feeling worthy, not feeling safe when you were little. Really, it's all it's that's what it is. Oh, 100%. Yeah, so think about that. Like that's really the key, okay? And and uh my attitude is is that uh people have been telling me that beautiful things. Like one father told me he started doing it with his son in middle school, and his son was having behavioral issues at school. And I was I was so surprised, I was so taken aback. And he said, I started messaging him every day on his phone, and he he it stopped. He just wanted me to see him.

SPEAKER_02: 27:04

Yeah, well, it's basic human nature is wanting to be seen, and if you're not sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 27:10

I was in tears. I have grandparents doing with their teenage grandchildren, and their grandchildren go off to college people living longer, and they they and and and you know what's interesting is that the grandchild is very receptive to the grandparent.

SPEAKER_02: 27:24

Makes sense, right? The the thing is power or authoritarian peace isn't really there, so that makes Yeah, and they're like, Look how cool my grandma is.

SPEAKER_01: 27:32

She's sending me these great messages. I have dads who have told me it's it's been amazing for them, divorced dads, especially who you know, there's a situation, it's not always this unconscious coupling, amicable moment happening, and they can't see the kid, they can't see their kids. It's it's very tenuous, and they they're like just saying, I I sent a message that I love you, I want to be with you. And it's especially for dads, like a lot of them didn't grow up and and they weren't the nurturer, like it there wasn't something that was discussed, like you just sit there and tell your kid I love you, but they can in a text, they can say these things, and it's much easier for them. And I've just like the feedback has just been beautiful. I've had people tell me, I wish my my mother told me once she loved me, which broke my heart. I've had people say to me, I wish you were my mother, which really broke my heart. Like you just see people, and they're just what they everybody wants the same thing. Really, it's simple. You want you want to you want to be feel loved, you want to feel like you matter?

SPEAKER_02: 28:40

That's it. That's the human experience.

SPEAKER_01: 28:42

Yeah, and safety, and you want to feel safe, like you do want safety. So you have a parent who's I'm here from you. That's a safe date. I can't I love you. You matter, you're extraordinary. You know what what more do you need?

SPEAKER_02: 28:57

It is how do you balance what you're talking about with people who say, Oh, the phone's the worst thing ever, and it's actually making families like fall apart, or they're you know, the addiction piece of it, but you believe it makes it actually families, it fosters stronger family relationships if you use it the way you're suggesting.

SPEAKER_01: 29:15

Yes. I I think the I think the problem is is that the cat's out of the bag, the phone isn't going away. We're just getting more and more into tech. I mean, look at AI, like everything is just changing. Do you know like 40% of Gen Z said they would have a relationship with an AI? Like a relationship. I didn't see that.

SPEAKER_02: 29:35

I didn't see that.

SPEAKER_01: 29:36

Yeah, I was reading about that in the newspaper, and I was just like, wow. What are you gonna do? Pretend it doesn't exist, it's here. Now, yeah, I happen to I read Stolen Focus by Johan Harry, and I just thought it blew my mind to tell you the truth. Um, and what the algorithms are designed to do and their purpose, and they're learning you, and you respond to the training. Wreck, guess what? You're gonna get a lot of chain wreck. Okay, and that's what kids are responding to. They're looking at it. You can't help it. You look at you look at the horrible things, right? People are human nature, they're just like that's what grabs your attention. So, yeah, like how do you you have to be a beacon of light? You there's a movement for parents now that they're giving their kids phones that have no internet access, or phones that only will accept the call from the parent or a message from parent, right? And I think that's brilliant. But look what you can do with that phone. You can start with your kid, it's the message in the lunchbox. I remember it's kid.

SPEAKER_02: 30:36

There it is. There it is. That's the thing I was looking for. It's the message not on the fridge, the message in the lunchbox. Perfect. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 30:41

I mean, do you I remember like the kid who would get the message in lunchbox? I never got one. And I would look at those kids and I think they were lucky. It didn't matter if they had a Twinkie. They would have a message in the lunchbox. And I would be like, it's the luckiest kid. They got a message, they got a note from their mom. And it was always horror to love you. And and I just thought, and I was a kid, I remember thinking they're the luckiest kids on the planet. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 31:06

Yeah. Yeah. That's so true. Like literally, I was just visiting my parents. My mom and dad are 88 and 86 and helping them kind of like go through boxes and downsize a little bit. And I found a note from my mom to me, brought it home with me.

unknown: 31:18

Right?

SPEAKER_02: 31:19

It was something she had written. Like maybe she maybe she had written it in a card a long time ago, but she always looked like did draft notes or whatever. So it's it's her handwritten note. It's like part of a note crafted. And I was like, all right, I'm gonna take that with me because it was it was something she wanted to tell me. It was literally probably you know meant for a lunchbox or a birthday card or something like that. So it's so spot on.

SPEAKER_01: 31:42

And that's where you're gonna look at. I I know when I move on to the next like life for sure wherever that my next journey, soul journey. What do you think my kids are gonna they're gonna think about when I bought them? What the what are they gonna miss? What are they gonna miss from it? They're gonna miss the daily message. Do you remember when we had high school? Remember when they used to leave messages on machines back in the day. I remember like listening to my mother's message when she passed, like listening to her voice.

SPEAKER_02: 32:10

Calling it just to hear her, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 32:12

People look at pictures, there's certain things that that's what matters. Those are the memories. And that I think is is what my kids are gonna miss. They'll have the book, they'll have it on their phones, but it's not when there's nothing new after that. That's what they're gonna miss.

SPEAKER_02: 32:27

Yeah, yeah. The the they're gonna miss you, obviously, but also the impact, the information, the the guiding light piece, I think is what we most miss most about our parents when they pass. And I'm very fortunate mine are still here, but thank god it's not gonna be for long. I mean, they're 88 and 86, so it's not gonna be forever. And I think about like how the information they've imparted to me and how they went through it, but I love this concept of kind of the daily, you know, the daily thought out to the kids.

SPEAKER_01: 32:58

It if what have you worries for me is kids buying the book for their parents.

SPEAKER_02: 33:06

Yes, yeah, yes, so surprising. But it makes sense. I want this from you and I don't know how to tell you. So boom, there you go.

SPEAKER_01: 33:15

Like for a Mother's Day or just a little gift, because and I that surprised me.

SPEAKER_02: 33:21

Yeah. What am what have you learned about yourself in this journey?

SPEAKER_01: 33:26

That every message I sent myself to my kids, I was actually connecting to myself.

SPEAKER_02: 33:33

Yeah, deep deep on me there.

SPEAKER_01: 33:35

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 33:36

Yeah, that you were. Yeah, I I didn't know. Tell me that. Are you connecting to yourself how?

SPEAKER_01: 33:41

Because everything I said to them is really what I was saying to myself, that I didn't know it. Like I I, you know, like I said, I was going, I was very disconnected in a lot of ways. I wasn't very happy with myself. And then this year I went through a breast cancer diagnosis. So it was very challenging. And I got the chemo and radiation and surgery and all this stuff. And you know what? I realized that God had me start messaging them. It came full circle because it connected me. I started when you start sending messages every day like this to your children, you don't realize the ripple effect. You don't realize you start talking to other people, you start talking to your community, you start talking to your friends differently. You start sharing that like that empathy, you start feeling things that you weren't feeling because you're when you send a love message that you mean it. When you're sending something that you really that you that you crafted and that you're uh something hard-centered, you start talking to other people that way. I wasn't that person, and then it came full circle and it was rippling out all over the place, but then it came back to me. And then I realized how could I send them messages about resilience if I'm not practicing resilience?

SPEAKER_02: 34:55

Yeah, exactly. You gotta be the example of what's possible.

SPEAKER_01: 34:59

Yeah, how do I tell them that life gives you gifts if I don't look at this as a gift for me, this breast cancer? Not that I wish it on myself, but what can I learn from this? And you know what was amazing, Jay? I'm gonna tell you the most amazing thing because it was the hardest thing I had I had to ever do was tell them the diagnosis. Because we also had my my youngest son had a health issue, and it was just at the same time, everything was happening at the same time, and it was a lot to go through. And you know what? Like when I told them they were in shock, and it was very hard for them. But they said to me, We got this, we're strong, we're the coens, and they started messaging me.

SPEAKER_02: 35:41

Love it. Did you still message them? I still love it. You still with everything you're going through, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 35:50

But like the first we have the four years in this book, but I have nothing that's more than a year of messages. Like, I just I never stop because it's part of my life, it's part of my day, but like it's my I just love doing it because two of my sons don't live at home, they moved out, they're working men, 32 and 30, and they live downtown. And I see them Friday nights, but I don't see them during the week. So, yeah, of course I'm gonna message up. And even my youngest who still lives at home, he's 25, he's working all day. He leaves in the morning very early, he comes back at night. You think he sits and talks to me and says, Man, tell me about your day. I don't want to spend on my day. He walks in his room, he's like goodbye, uh, they're in their life. You want your kids. It's amazing to me. Like parents get upset when their kids are independent and they grow up and they're independent and they're out there in their life and they're experiencing and they're working hard and that they're not paying attention to the parent. They're doing what you raise them to do, to be to go out there and do it and be independent. So you gotta let them be. So, what how do you keep that door open? You you you send them a message because they're reading it. That's all that's that's the whole point. That's who you keep the door open. But don't get upset with them for look for being an independent human being that you raise them to be to do what they need to do, so they can have a family and and and go move forward.

SPEAKER_02: 37:15

Yeah, it's uh what it comes to mind is like it's a way to be in their life without being in their life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 37:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 37:23

Yeah. Like right in front of them in their life.

SPEAKER_01: 37:26

And we take our family vacation and it's great. We hang out. And but you know what, Jay? I'll tell you, when something's going down for them, they talk to me. Yeah. And because we'll let you know.

SPEAKER_02: 37:38

No, you left the door open.

SPEAKER_01: 37:39

Yeah. And when I was, when I was couldn't get off the couch from chemo, they were doing my errands for me. They were food trapping for me. I don't know. I can't say that they wouldn't have done it if I never messaged them. I don't know. But every day to get that message is how are you? What can I what do you need? What can I do for you? Okay. That I believe really came because we built this like thing with I was there for them and they were able to be there for me. You know, they were my strength, and I've been their strength. And it's gonna change. We we age as we age, the the roles do change. See, it's good to put it in the seeds. And and and you know what? My greatest thing is I hope they're messaging a friend in me. I hope that they do this with their kids. I hope that they, you know what I mean? Like that Well of Balsen, you tell two friends, and so like you don't they don't know what it is.

SPEAKER_02: 38:32

They don't, yeah, they don't, but our people are easy when they get the commercial than so pass it on.

SPEAKER_01: 38:39

Do that for somebody else. It's a good thing.

SPEAKER_02: 38:42

So good. So good. Before I let you go, Tammy. I like I love all this. We're gonna we're gonna let people know where to find the book so they can if they don't know where to start, they start there, make it easy. But before I let you go, what is your life motto right now with everything that you've been through?

SPEAKER_01: 39:01

Oh wow. My life motto is that it's never too late. Always make a difference. Love it. Always do something different, also, and you could always learn. And you know what? Like your kids will really admire you even more when you continue to learn and you you continue to evolve. Always, always learn, always evolve, and move forward and and and do it, do something, step out of your comfort comfort zone. It's okay. These are all good things, and just do it.

SPEAKER_02: 39:35

So good, folks. Text message to my sons, a guide to using mobile devices to connect and communicate deeply with your kids, is available pretty much everywhere. We'll put the link in the show notes so you can go and get it. And Tammy, thank you so much for being here. It's such an amazing conversation. I really love what you're bringing to the world.

SPEAKER_01: 39:53

And also, I'd like to offer your audience with a supply the discount code so that you can buy it at a discount. And we also have I you can supply the audience download where they'll have a couple of the messages in the first chapter where they can see if it's something that they they like and they want to go forward with. Love it. I'll get that a little teaser. A little teaser, a little information, and we'll get you a discount.

SPEAKER_02: 40:20

I love that. We'll put it in the show notes, folks, and we'll get it out to you, Timmy. Thank you so much. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01: 40:27

Jay, you know what? You make it easy.

SPEAKER_00: 40:31

Had a good time. Thank you. Thank you so much. Are you ready to start living and enjoying your empty nest years? If so, head over to jasonramsden.com and click work with me to get the conversation started. This Empty Nest life is a production of Impact One Media LLC, all rights reserved.