The one where we chat the upcoming social media ban and Taylor Swift's new album

In this episode the girls chat chicken, The Life of a Showgirl and throwing it back to 90s technology - what the upcoming social media ban for kids means to them. 

Pair with your bestie and a cup of Chamomile tea!

Transcript

0:03

Welcome to top up three women, three perspectives, figuring out womanhood, motherhood, and everything in between. Grab a drink, take a breath. You're in. Good company. S are you ready for a top up? Woo. Drinking tea tonight. Oh my god. We are wild. But the best part is. Where are we? We're in the car with a very beautiful mood lighting lamp. It's actually more so that we can see each other rather than anything else. We just need to see each other's faces. But um, it's very romantic. But the best part is we are actually to together we are, it's only taken two weeks'cause we've been so sick. Oh my God. But the fact that we're doing this in person, I feel like I've been. Wedding for this all my life. I know it's the best way to do it. It really is. And we've had, we probably should say we've had a bit of a hiatus. It was a bit of an unplanned hiatus, but life. But yeah. Wow. Life. Hence why we're out here late at night. Oh my God. Making happen. God, yeah. Uh, we do have a little announcement today. Our lovely third host Ree, is actually stepping back from top up. She's just been juggling a lot of things lately and it's just becoming a bit much, so we're really gonna miss her energy, those very spontaneous laughs that she brought to every episode, but we fully support her taking this time to prioritize her and her family. Yeah, we do. We totally get it. Family comes first before anything. Even top up. Absolutely. So she might even pop her head in and give her perspective on some topics down the track, but for now we'll just miss her. Yeah. So how has your week been since you've been back there, darling? Oh, my week's been a bit unexpected. Mm-hmm. We arrived home to Australia from Vanuatu and I don't know why I didn't expect it, but we all landed sick and stayed sick for the first, at least 10 days. So I am only now getting into life and I've got a week left. So the worst, I sound a bit croaky. That's why. Basically what you're telling us is you need to come home for a month each time. Yeah. I need to factor in that first two weeks of sickness before I start my life. And then you can be social and see the rest of us. I feel like I got to make the most of you on one of your early nights and then you must have crashed after that. I did.'cause I was looking after the kids and I was fine. I took them to the doctors and everything. Had the night with you and then after that it just all kind of all went downhill. It was my time. Oh no. Yeah. It's the worst though. When you're parenting on your own and you stick like that, there's nothing worse. And travel. Travel just messes you up. It really does. Just that illness from the plane, it grosses me out. But anyway, you're here now. You're well. The girls are, well, we've just spent the best like today. It is just one of those perfect days. I feel like it really, it really has been. The weather has just been on point. Well, I was also actually just gonna say we just live our best sister wife lives we do is when we, yeah. When we doing, watching your husband mow the lawn, do all the lawn care, the children take the kids for rides on the lawn mower. Yeah. The children of. Frolicking through the garden. Yeah, with the trampoline, and we're just sitting, you made me lunch and Ben lunch. Yeah, I made the kids lunch. Then Ben cooked dinner for everyone. We're a great team. We all had champagne like can you, this is working okay. This is my normal life. Just hurry up and move in. Would you. Sorry Alex. Not sure where you fit into this reason, but we do love you. Maybe you can just be the breadwinner from afar or something. I dunno. He'll probably kill me over that anyway. Who am I kidding? He doesn't listen to this anyway. Um, he might now, but honestly, is there anything better than parenting with your bestie? I it is. So many people say this, but sometimes it's easier with more kids. Oh my God, I totally agree. Yeah. When you can just put them together and they entertain each other and then moms can hang out and do chores together, it just halves the workload for everybody. It does. And doubles the enjoyment. Well, especially when there's champagne involved. Well, yeah, but that didn't come until the end of the day. No, we, we were very tamed. We were very tame. Yeah, I just think it's, it like harks back to that village situation and prehistoric cave woman days when all the women were just supporting each other and living in a little community while the men went out and hunted. Yeah. It's exactly why we moved out here too. Yeah. Knowing that. This is the village where you walk to your neighbors for a cup of sugar. Like totally. The dream is still alive. People if you, if you want it, it's out there. We always feel so lucky.'cause I feel like we send each other those memes or whatever you call'em on Insta, where it's like, if only my bestie lived a street away or we had a connecting tunnel or whatever. We actually do. Well not right now, but we're coming back to it. Yeah. So it's gonna be fine. Yeah, it's gonna be fine. That's why we make the most of it while you're here. That's right. So do we wanna do a quick recommendation of the week and then we'll get into our topic? Yes, please. So what have you been watching, listening to I don't know, where are you finding your inspo? What's getting you through? Mm, great question. I've been cooking a lot lately. Oh, great. And I really wanna share this actually cooking hack with everybody. Oh, love that. It's kind of changed my life. Okay. We always need those, especially when it comes to weeknight dinners. I've been buying like two kilos of chicken breast at the beginning of the week and poaching it in stock. Mm. And then shredding it and keeping it in a bag. In the fridge or sometimes in the freezer. And I just find I can add it to almost anything. That's absolutely, if it is like a last minute dinner, I can add it to a pasta or a soup or in toasted sandwiches or it's, I've started doing it every single week.'cause we always use it. It could even be used. Used as like, I love that. A sushi bowl or a quick lunch at home or for meal prep for work. It's just, it's so versatile. Even though it's plain chicken, you can just do anything with it and it's so handy to have on hand. Do you know, that's so funny.'cause I often, and I know this is gonna sound like I'm making this up, but I'm truly not. I often think, God, I wish I just had some poached chicken lying around. I think it's because one, I hate doing. Lunches for myself. Mm-hmm. I just despise, unless I'm going out to like a fun girl's lunch, I hate doing lunches for myself. And I'm always like, chicken's such a good, easy protein to go to. Yeah. And I just, and you never have it unless you've picked up a roast chook from the shop the night before, which I just never have. Exactly. But also, and it's so easy for the kids. I love just doing a bit of poached chicken and rice for the kids. Mm-hmm. Or on pizza. Or on pizza, whatever. You need to do anything with it. Yeah. Or make yourself a yummy, like quick chicken and corn soup, you've already got it done. Mm-hmm. Love that. That's the hardest part I feel of so many meals is the cooking, the protein. So yeah, that's my recommendation. That's a great recommendation. I really am. I appreciate that. You are welcome. And what is yours for this week? Well, we were just talking because as. Many of you will know the new Taylor Swift album just dropped, literally just dropped. And um, I was horrified when you got here today and you were like, I haven't even listened to it yet. I haven't listened to the old new album. I know she still hasn't listened to the last album. Guys, I don't even know what to say about that. I'm horrified. I mean, look, the whole album wasn't amazing, but there's some real, there's some beautiful ones on there that you've missed. I'll have to go back through them now. I believe you. I do. Yeah. Honestly, there's some great ones, but. This one is a total banger. It hawks back to red days. I was telling you that she used the same producers or whatever they're called that she did for red and we loved red. Oh my God. I mean it's our, that in 1989 obviously is our album because we're the same age as. T Swift and we obviously often say what's our bestie doing today? Is, you know, is she trying to feed the kids like we are? No, she's off doing world tours and making her billions. It's like, yeah, making her billions. Exactly right. Katie and I often compare our lives to Taylor Swift and are just like, can you imagine? Starting your family now. Yeah. Well, yeah, yeah, totally. But also seven news in. Oh my God. Good luck to you, Taytay. Anyway, we saw yeah, you're, meanwhile, you're freaking out about potentially having your third at this age. And she hasn't even started her first, but Yes. But she froze her eggs when she was 19, so she would've frozen her eggs for sure. And after what I saw tonight on television on the Graham Norton Show, she's frozen her eyebrows as well. She is freezing everything. But what I was gonna say was it's a total banger album. There's probably only three songs that I could give or take. The rest I'm obsessed with. So I would recommend Elizabeth Taylor is probably my favorite. Loving, canceled, and isn't there a cheeky one there? Oh yeah, wood. I mean, I wasn't gonna say it was my fave, but it's, it's funny, like it's, it's definitely to interesting to listen to. Yeah. She's not backwards about coming forwards are taytay these days. Oh, who knew? Um, what's the other one I love? Ruining the friendship. Yeah. Ruin the friendship. Uhhuh. It's so sweet. Anyway. It's just great. Oh, and just the life of a show goal. The last one that she does with Sabrina Carpenter, who I'm also obsessed with. So they'll be a great pair. I can't wait to listen, so actually, oh my god, they're so good. So anyway, you'll have to, we'll put it on tomorrow morning when we are dancing around the kitchen. So today we thought we would talk about, because it's been a, I mean, it's not that recent now, I suppose, but No, it's still pretty recent. It's pretty recent and it was something that we have talked about. I feel like pretty much our whole parenting lives pretty much since we had Henry and Halle. Yeah, we have talked about what would we do in the future when our kids are teenagers and ask for a phone. Ask for a phone, and they're getting involved on social media and all, you know. All the scary tech things, and we just know that we're in that inevitable stage of it's only gonna get worse and more accessible. And More appealing. More appealing and more addictive. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Like that's the scary part. So we've kind of always talked about it and then thank God the government has gone ahead and done us all a favor and is banning it, or has banned it Actually, we're under sixteens. Yeah. Yeah. And it's. Been such a pivotal policy that other countries across around the world are basically trying to model their own legislation on it because Australia's been the first to do it. I'm quite proud of, I'm quite proud of that. I don't think there are many other situations where I have felt the same about this, but I feel like they acted quickly and it's very smart and it's in the best interest of our kids. A hundred percent. The research is there and it's very damning and. They've listened to it. Yeah. Yeah. So it's pretty amazing that we've become a world first in that sense. Mm-hmm. And I'm grateful for that. And it also is encouraging that, that we are looking after our kids. Hopefully that sets the scene for other things as well. And it's part of the conversation that we can have with them. It's. It's so non conducive with the life that we want for them. Yeah. That the whole government agrees and they've created this whole movement. So, and not only that, have prioritized it over other things. Mm. Like that passing that through Parliament has pushed out other things that they could have been using that time on. Yes. So they understood the importance. Yeah. And it's to bring everyone together and actually agree on that is such a big deal. I feel bad for the parents out there that have already crossed. This, like their kids have already started diving into the world of social media, enjoying that. Yeah. Yeah. And then at a younger age, you mean? Yes. And have to try and pull that back. I think that would be really tricky. Really tricky. Yeah. Because we know that it's addictive, right? We have a hard time getting off our phones at the time, so Totally. I use less. Platforms than some people. We were even talking about how your mom uses TikTok. Yes. There's just, whereas I just wouldn't go near and it's probably a good thing because I was a very late bloomer to Instagram and I'm so addicted to it now, so I'd probably be addicted to TikTok if I could use it. Yeah. It, it, yeah. It's amazing to think scary to think. If you were addicted to both of those, like how would you function through the day? What could you get done? You couldn't have any time in the day. No. You couldn't get anything done. And the fact that it's, all the research that's come out, about how it's reducing attention span and, having this really negative effect on kids education and, and mental health, mental health, like all the obvious things. Yeah, it's just so encouraging. But I actually. As soon as I heard about it happening, I actually said to hen, and this is a bone of contention in our house because he's allowed to watch kids YouTube. And I can't stand it. Yeah. I. Would never usually have let him ever even explore kids' YouTube. It was something that my husband did and he probably didn't even really realize like what he was doing, but I, it is such a rabbit hole, as you know. And I still feel like even with the kids' profile, it. Still sends them down these scary tunnels and you have no idea really what they're watching and what it's going, what, you know how it just ticks over into the next episode of whatever it is. Yes. I'm constantly afraid. So he, he usually isn't allowed to watch YouTube unless one of us is literally like in the room walking past the TV and can see what it is. Mm-hmm. Because I'm so terrified of what he could come across on there. And he has had nightmares from this one particular one that he loves to watch. It's Totally. It seems totally innocent. It's a kid and his dad. How many of those are there? Like that's just crazy. Anyway, a kid and his dad playing in their backyard and they go, they drive cars a lot of the time, matchbox cars, which is just hen's obsession. Yeah. He could watch that all day long. Mm-hmm. Then it rolled over into them finding Bigfoot one day and it was like they have kind of this I think it's the dad dressed up as Bigfoot basically. It's, it's really rudimentary trying to be innocent. Yeah, totally. Trying to be innocent, not trying to be scary, but it actually gave head nightmares and it took us a while to figure out what was causing it. And anyway, so he now knows to say to me. If, if it suddenly comes on because it does. Mm-hmm. He's like, oh mommy, it's the Bigfoot one. We better change it. So he knows now, like we've learned that lesson together. But when I heard about this law coming in. I said to him, you know, this means YouTube kids is gonna be banned soon. It's gonna switch off. No one's gonna be allowed to watch it. And he's like, oh. He and I could see his brain actually realizing the gravity of the situation. I was like, do you know why? Because it's so bad for kids. That's why we are getting rid of it. That's why the whole country is getting rid of it. And he was like, oh he's really had to think about it and Comprehend it. So that was our conversation when this came in. Mm-hmm. I can't even imagine having a 15-year-old No, I know. No. And being like, so yeah. You're not gonna be able to use this, this, and this anymore. Yeah. Go kick the ball outside. Yeah. That would be, that'd be crazy. We started our conversations really early to actually started in. The middle of the grocery store one day just with a screen. And we saw a little boy, um, would've been the same age as Halle. And his iPad was taken from him. And he unfortunately, like in public, yeah, just had a huge meltdown. And the girls were really confused about what was happening. And I just kind of gently explained to them that. These devices can be really addictive. And and because it had been taken away from him, he felt really sad about it. And I said. You have to think about think about, tell me what your memories of your childhood are gonna be. And it was riding bikes and playing with your dogs and coming down to your house for breakfast and doing all these things outside and climbing trees. And I said sometimes for kids, for a lot of the day, this is what they do. They hope they have these devices. And unfortunately these are parts of their childhood that they're gonna remember is or not remember probably because it's not. A huge thing. And they really understood that from an early age. So now that's so good. Yeah. Now with social media and all this other stuff, there was another article that came out really recently with a bunch of teenagers in Australia talking about the effects of social media on they were given, given a phone between the ages of 11 and 13, and how they all wished they were never given a phone. Wow. And they were really. Confident happy kids. And now they're really withdrawn. They spend a lot of time in their bedrooms. Oh my gosh. Just comparing themselves to other people and feeling really bad about themselves. And Halle sat with me and listened to a couple of the interviews, just little snippets. But I think it really resonated with her. Mm. I just try and give her these little bite-sized pieces. So when it comes to. When it comes time to have that hard conversation, we can recall this and say, yeah, this is just not the life we want for you. It's not the person you are. And you've started those foundations. Yes. I think that's so smart. I think to have these conversations early on and, and we've discussed many times, you know, oh my God, what are we gonna do when they get to an age where they're accessing social media? And this was pre this law passing, but it's always been one of our biggest fears as a parent, right. Knowing that they're gonna have to. You know, delve into that world at some point it is inevitable, but if we can delay it for as long as possible until their mind is of at a point where it can. Is mature enough to be able to kind of comprehend that what it's seeing on these platforms is not real and it's not making them feel as good as other things in their life. Yes. Make them feel. Yeah. And even I noticed after hens watched YouTube for a while, he like, it's harder to turn it off. Not so much now I think'cause we don't really watch it very often, but. In the beginning, it'd be a battle to turn it off. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And that was kind of my first experience with it because as you know, we don't really do we don't have iPads. We don't, we only let them watch something on our phones if we're doing a long car trip or something. Yep. So that was kind of my first foray into it with him, I guess, was turning YouTube off and I could see the behavior and was projecting what it would be like if we used screens all the time. Mm-hmm. And it's just not something I want anything to do with. And I think you and I. Parents similarly in that respect, we've really taken our kids back and prioritized sort of that eighties style Yeah. Childhood for them. Totally. We're always outside and we're exploring ideas, like getting a landline for them to call each other when the time comes that they want to. Connect more out when they're not together and the novelty that these things are bringing and the excitement. I saw on Instagram the other day, this mom bought a TV VCR combo. Oh my god. The best. A stack of videos. Where did she buy this though? That's what I want. Probably gum now. I think everyone's cottoning on. They're like, that looks so fun. And the kids like the novelty for the kids are putting this giant cassette into a television and watching a show. They love it and I'm like, oh my God, I want that now. Yeah. Get rid of my flat screen. That's, that's all I want in my house. Oh good. And you had to fast forward through the no piracy ads. Yeah. And and you'd see all the ads for the movies coming up and be like, and all the credits are at the beginning. Yes. Wait through all that forever to get through it. I mean, you know, as you know in our TV cabinet, it's just ch block full of DVDs. Yeah. And I literally went into. A JB Hi-Fi probably three years ago now, and was like, I wanna get a DVD player'cause I've got bought all these DVDs. It was something that I just kind of, I don't know. Watching movies for us has always been a family thing. It was something I grew up with. Mm-hmm. We'd always, you know, someone would pick a movie one night on the weekend and we'd all sit around the TV and watch it together. So I wanted to make sure I had that for my kids, I guess. And again, always slow on the uptake of technology. So I was buying DVDs into even knowing when I was pregnant for the first time. Like collecting them for the kids. Yeah. Yeah. But then our DVD player broke and went, we went, just went to streaming like everybody else. And so I went into JB Haifa and was like, do you have, do you still sell DVD players? And they're like. No. Oh my gosh. Yeah. And they were like, but we do have one display DVD player. Did you get it? Yes. That's what we have. So even they were like, it doesn't even really have a remote or anything. It was literally I think I paid 50 bucks for it or something. Oh my gosh. Amazing. But it's, I'm so glad that I bought it. But I do think, the videos thing, do you remember when you go into video Easy on a Friday night? I love video. Easy. Yes. And and you get some popcorn, a bag of Oh my God. And the smell of, of just video Easy in general. And you'd always run into someone in Video Easy that you knew and you'd be like, what are you gonna watch? And you'd be like, whatcha gonna watch? And it was a whole, it was the social element. Yes. It was the excitement of. Picking mm-hmm. The tradition of have, of watching that movie and only having it for the weekend. Yeah. Yeah. Otherwise, you know, mom would get the shits'cause we'd be getting a fine if we didn't get, get it back in time and just how long you would actually take, choosing what you were gonna borrow. Yeah. And actually speaking of that, it's I'm really loving. Seeing these reels of mums that have taken gaming consoles or Yeah. Even television as far as televisions and said, uh, we've only rented it for the weekend. Oh. And they tell the kids we've only got it for the weekend or an iPad. But then what do they hide it? And they hide it. Oh. And they go, I've gotta take it back to the shop now we've only got it for Saturday. Oh, that's so smart. And they hide it top. I'm like, oh, good on you. God. That's brilliant. So great. Okay, well maybe that's something that we need to do. I just think like, and then I've also heard about these phones that you can get now that, you know, have no access to technology and it's like literally, I, I can't remember what they call them, dumb phones. They call them dumb phones. Yeah. Maybe. Is that the one? And it's pretty much just analog. You can't, oh, maybe not. It's like old school, but it's meant for kind of primary school age kids, I guess, where they just can only use it to call home or whatever. Right. No, I think that's a, I think that's a dumb phone. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I love that idea. I think it's great. And you think about like. I was thinking about this the other day about how if you were gonna call a friend, you'd have to psyche yourself up to call, because what if their mom answered? What if mom answered what, God forbid dad, what a dad answered. And having conversations with your first boyfriend, I will never forget, my first couple of boyfriends ringing the house. And you know what? My mom's like, she could just talk to anybody, but I swear in this. Instance, she would always do it just to piss me off. Oh God. And she'd have these long conversations with him before she'd finally hand the the phone over to me. Yeah, totally. I remember I had one, when I was younger, we were at our family caravan for the summer and I'd met this boy once and he left a long voicemail on the reception phone of the caravan park for me. Oh, that is so brave. I know. Yeah, it was really sweet. He was committed. Kay. He was a keeper. It didn't go anywhere. Just in case you're wondering, but it was a nice thought. Did you ever return that voicemail? Did you at least call him back? Oh, I can't remember. Oh my God. I'm sure I would. I'm sure I would said something. He still sitting by the phone waiting for. I'm pretty sure he lived in Sydney or something and he'd already gone home. So it was the end of summer, but that is so sweet. It was very, it was very kind. Yeah. Oh, I love that. Uh, yeah. Take me back to those days. I know they were so much more romantic. I love it. So basically that's what we're gonna do for our kids. We're going to bring in dumb phones. We're gonna go back to videos and DVDs. Yeah. And just try and keep them away from all the scary things as much as possible. Absolutely. Yeah. That's the aim. That's the game. My mom thinks we're, we're kidding ourselves, but I know, I'm, I'm, I'm holding. Firm on this dream. Well, and I won't let it go until it blows up in my face because I could, I also figure that I get where your mom's coming from because again, it's just the way of the world, right? But I also feel like it's gotta go one way or the other. It either gets way worse or people retaliate against it and don't want anything to do with it anymore. And I think this is the really special thing about trying to maintain this eighties styles. Childhood. Childhood because as I said to my mom, what I'm giving them now is the alternative I have control over part of their childhood now and, teaching them to. Experience joy from things like riding your bike and playing with your friends and running through the garden and playing with animals. And when they have access to a phone, I don't have control over how much they use that they'll have this to look back on and go, where do I, where did I feel better in my life? And they'll, and they'll look back on their childhood and go, it was reading a book in the sun in the hammock. Yeah. It wasn't. I wasn't missing scrolling. Yeah, that's So I love that, that that's my, that's my thought process. It's giving them that alternative and, and so that they know that there is an alternative. We don't have to sit there and Yeah, we had, we lived without it, and now we have it. Yes. And every day you're, you're. Tossing and, and turning about, I'm on it too much. Yeah. You know how shit you feel after two, two, a two long scrolling session. Even in the mornings when I wake up, you know, I'll sit there and scroll for probably 20 minutes and I'm like, fuck. I never used to do that. I used to sit and read a book. Yeah and now I, and sometimes I sit there and go, what did I learn from the last hour of scrolling? And I go, yeah, there was no use for it. There was nothing, I didn't, I can't retain a single video. No. That was like, really? Because it's all valuable. It's shit. It's, yeah. So yeah, basically, I mean, we're not gonna totally detox because unfortunately we are still a little bit addicted. But I think it's that, I love that's your perspective of giving the girls showing them that there are alternative ways to live, that it doesn't have to dominate their lives. And it can be there. It's kind of like everything in moderation, right? Yeah. It can be there for when they wanna, occasionally you can pick it up and put it down, but you don't have to be on it all the time. And they also have the skills to connect with people in the real world. Yeah. And they know how that, how much better that feels. Nothing more important. And how much more fun is it when you're actually sitting with the people that you love? Exactly. And having an actual conversation. Yeah. Nothing beats it. No, nothing beats it. Yo, yo, yo Let me show you myimately From diagonally From diagonally Come on show me what you got Oh, well.