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Nearly Enlightened
Join Nearly Enlightened's host Giana Giarrusso and discover the body, mind and spirit connection! The Nearly Enlightened Podcast is for the soul-centered seeker who is on the path of personal growth and spiritual development. This podcast takes a light-hearted approach exploring topics rooted in themes of mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing.
Nearly Enlightened
The Birthday Blues: Aging, Anxiety & Learning to Love Your Face with Kat Parks
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What happens when the birthday girl doesn't want to celebrate? In this raw, unfiltered conversation, Giana confesses her unexpected anxiety about turning 34, while birthday enthusiast Kat Parks tries to reignite her excitement. Together, they peel back the layers of what makes birthdays both magical and terrifying as we age.
The discussion ventures into unexpectedly deep territory as both women reflect on how COVID disrupted our celebration of major life milestones. "I didn't even have time to process turning 30 because the world was on fire," Giana admits, capturing the disorientation many felt during those years. This leads to a broader exploration of how millennials are rewriting the rulebook on traditional life markers like marriage, careers, and family planning.
Birthday horror stories bring both laughter and winces – from Kat's traumatic seventh birthday (complete with knocked-out teeth and only one friend showing up) to Gianna's bedbug-infested 30th that left her sobbing in Target aisles. These experiences reveal how birthdays often carry outsized expectations and the potential for both profound disappointment and unexpected joy.
The conversation takes a powerful turn when addressing beauty standards and authenticity. Both women candidly critique the prevalence of filters, especially among wellness influencers preaching self-acceptance while presenting digitally altered versions of themselves. "If you're telling people to love themselves while using filters – what exactly is your message?" Giana challenges. They discuss finding aging role models like Cameron Diaz and the revolutionary act of simply looking your age in today's world.
Whether you're dreading your next birthday or wondering why turning another year older feels so complicated, this episode offers solace, humor, and a powerful reminder that accepting ourselves exactly as we are might be the greatest gift we can give ourselves. Check out Kat's "Find Your Face Freedom" program if you're ready to see yourself in a new way by summer's end.
Nearly Enlightened Podcast
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Welcome to the Nearly Enlightened Podcast, a high vibe toolbox designed to help you connect to your body, mind and spirit. I'm your host, gianna Giruso, and I'm here to share tools, conversations and insights to help you on your journey of self-discovery. This podcast is all about exploring what it means to live a conscious, connected and nearly enlightened life, because the truth is, the answers aren't outside of us, they're already within. Let's dive in Today. I'm joined by my friend, kat Parks. Welcome back.
Speaker 2:Kat. Hi, I'm so excited to be here and I always love hearing you intro the podcast.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I love that you said that, because I was thinking about pre recording it just so that it can be like plugged in and easy. But I'm glad you enjoy it.
Speaker 2:I kind of like it. It sets it up for the guest I'm like, ooh, welcome to the nearly enlightened podcast.
Speaker 1:I'm here and I'm ready and it's very, it's in very Gemini season. Uh, fashion to like be chatty and out and social. It's like the end of spring, the beginning of summer in this hemisphere. So, like it, like you just feel that electric buzz. But it's funny because I was talking to you and like I don't feel it for the first time in my life. Usually this is my birthday season, so usually I'm like, jazzed up, ready to go, and this year I'm like it ain't it, let's skip it, let's go right to cancer season.
Speaker 2:I'm so excited to talk about this because when you texted me and you were like, hey, we got to get you on the podcast because I'm not excited about my birthday, for the first time ever I was like, oh my God, let's get on and talk about birthdays, because this is one of my very favorite topics. But my first thing, I'm going to interview you now. Why are you not excited about your birthday?
Speaker 1:I don't know. 34 feels like such a weird number and it's just different and like your 20s go by so fast. And I feel like the beginning of my 30s was at such a weird time because we were in like COVID times, so like I didn't even have time to process that I'm turning 30. Because it's like, oh, the world is on fire and in crisis and is like just like the greatest dumpster fire, so like who the fuck cares what age you are? And now, interesting, I'm sliding towards those mid-30s and I'm like, holy shit, like you look back and you're like I don't know it, it's just like a weird. It's a weird feeling this year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 34 is is a little weird, cause it's like you're, you know, 30 is generally exciting, 35, maybe, is exciting in a different way 34. It's like, well, you're not quite there to the mid thirties, or maybe this is like just the beginning of the mid thirties, but I agree with you that there's something weird about it. I appreciate that you brought up this concept of turning 30 in the COVID years, because I remember, during the COVID years, thinking about you know, oh, the kids who can't go to school, oh, my gosh, the poor kids who were going to be graduating this year, like I have a friend who was a 2020 graduate, and like they didn't get prom and they didn't get to walk at graduation, and like I was like I was thinking about you.
Speaker 1:Those are like huge life milestones.
Speaker 2:Yes, and so is turning 30. And like so is. I mean so many people had to say put off their weddings.
Speaker 2:I know so many people who were about to have COVID weddings or maybe even did have COVID weddings. But it's such an interesting thing because that one little blip in our human history, our world history, really changed a lot of people. And you know for me what? 2020, I was 32. So it's like I had already done this 30s thing for a little bit and it was just like, oh, another, another year, another moment, you know, and, of course, living out here in the wild, wild west't know just like different self and like even looking back, like I was.
Speaker 1:I was like kind of being nostalgic this week and looking back on old Instagram photos and I was just like, oh my God, I feel like I don't even know that girl Like who is interesting. So like your early 30s.
Speaker 2:Gianna is different than you now Interesting. So, like your early 30s, gianna is different than you now. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I like 28 to 32. Like, I feel like that was like an actual other lifetime ago Interesting.
Speaker 2:Okay, so maybe there's some like reinvention happening right now.
Speaker 1:That's like who the fuck am I at 34? Maybe I don't know it's. I feel very solid and like what I'm doing and the direction that I'm going and I know, like you know, and maybe some of our listeners do too but I'm just coming off of the 30 day challenge deepen your practice challenge and that was like a huge shift for me. And, dean, I kept saying like this challenge is actually for us to dive deeper into these topics and like to just to kind of refresh and and and just like remind yourself of why you do these practices. Like they kind of become second nature and become just like you know.
Speaker 1:Another thing you do, like brush your teeth, and like you don't know. Like you know why you do it, but you don't think about it right, like it just becomes so enmeshed in your life. And so it was. It was kind of great to zoom out and take a look at these and be like, oh okay, like now that I can zoom out a little like, am I in alignment with these tools? Am I showing up like this? Am I leading my classes in this way? So it was. It was very I feel like I'm in like a reflective period of my life.
Speaker 2:I love that so much. And first of all, your 30 day challenge was incredible. I opened up all the emails, but I did not participate on the gram. It felt like too much for me to do.
Speaker 1:It was a lot but honestly, like was eyeopening for us. So now we're going to open the challenge just as like, like a like a self-guided journey. So it was. It was good information.
Speaker 2:I love that. Well, it was so beautiful and you guys had so much amazing information and, truly, you know, we, we forget about all of these little parts of life. You know, it's like we might say, oh, I want to be a better person, but it's like, what does that mean? You know I was talking to, I had a private client this morning and I was, you know, sharing with him that I, you know, I see you, that for the last few years we've been doing yoga two to three times a week and that was totally new for him. He'd never done yoga before and he's been super consistent. But now we're talking about like, okay, it would probably be good for you to like work out, you know, have like a personal trainer, do a little bit more of like fitness type things.
Speaker 2:But that can feel like a challenge sometimes when it's this one more thing that we have to do. This is one hour that you could have been doing something else, and I think that that's a reason why a lot of people don't meditate is because they're like, oh, it's so boring, I could be doing something else. But that's another reason why people don't do yoga, why people don't work out, why people don't meal prep. It's time that we could be doing other, more fun things, and you know, we have to start to prioritize the things that are really meaningful to us. I think, especially as we're kind of in this like mid-30s era, it's sort of like you're cresting up to the top and it's like where can we be better? Because I think that as you're a teen and in your 20s you're just trying to figure your shit out, and then 30s, it kind of feels like now we're refining.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, that's the perfect word yes, and I feel like I'm in like this refinement transition period of like I've committed to showing up and doing this work and teaching others how to do this work. So like, how do we take it one step further now, this work? So, like, how do we take it one step further now?
Speaker 2:yeah, how do we, how do we expand the ripple? That's magical, so it. It feels like you already have some sort of direction, but then maybe just some fear around. You know what? What does this mean? To turn 34 or you know? I don't know what else is there around it for you?
Speaker 1:And like I think there's a lot of societal things Like we always see the clips on TikTok and whatever of the actresses being like oh, I was scared to turn 34 because your career is over, your life is over, hollywood wants nothing to do with you anymore, and it's like we've set these societal standards up. Of like I think you've touched on it a little bit too about just like being like obsessed with youth and it's it's like distorting our perception on things and we've talked about it even on this podcast before of like the whole like filter craze. I feel like it's the same thing. It's like we're obsessed with youth and like looking just like a certain way. So now that you're like creeping up toward that age where people are like oh, you're old and ugly.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, I want to drop in real quick to note that. So my husband and I are child free, child free by choice. I made that choice really for myself, without my husband's input, because I didn't know him yet. I made that choice when I was 22. And for the entirety of my 20s and early 30s, anyone who would ask me about it would say like, oh well, you can still change your mind. Oh, you're still young enough, you can still have kids. And no one said that to me for the last like year or two. You've reached that age. You're ever old. Yes, it's this implicit like oh, ok, you can't really change your mind. You're, you're kind of old lady. But I kind of revel in that because it's that was really annoying to have people always like pushing back on my life choices. Because it's that was really annoying to have people always like pushing back on my life choices. But that's just been an interesting thing, that it's like, you know, if people are like oh, you're 37.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you probably should have done that already. Yeah, it's just like all these weird societal things and pressures that we put on people, and I think it's the same thing. Like I'm not married, I don't have kids. So it's the same thing. Like I'm not married, I don't have kids. So it's like, oh well, you better hurry up. Or like the new one is free, you should freeze your eggs. Like oh god, oh god is right.
Speaker 2:Like what the fuck? I think that that's another interesting part of our particular modern life and like maybe I'll address it as millennials, because I think that we especially long of my other. Thank you.
Speaker 1:So we had a few technical difficulties. I don't know what this audio is going to be like. All these, I don't know what this audio is going to be like. Um, but, kat, do you want to just kind of recap what?
Speaker 2:you just said, just in case it cut out yeah girl, we'll, and we'll find out. This is a part of the nearly enlightened podcast. Is that we don't have it all figured out, right, yeah?
Speaker 1:I know and you know what, like I don't edit, like you get, I'm not editing things out and like making things fit a narrative like what you see is what you get.
Speaker 2:I love it. Well, what I had said before, when, when I saw you freeze, was that I think that there's something different about, uh, our modern life, or, uh, millennials maybe, particularly that we are waiting to get married till later, waiting to have kids till later, starting a career earlier, and so there's a lot more older parents too. Like growing up, my mom was 37 when she had me and she was old, older than all of my friends' parents. But these days, I know a lot of people who are normal. You know 37 year old parents for the first time, or you know I know a lot of people in their forties who have had kids Um, um, and it's less of a thing these days yeah, it's so true.
Speaker 1:My aunt actually had my cousin at 49 49 wow yeah. So I know that, like there's no, like fuck your societal norms, but it is like there, it's part of like the healing journey, right. So like you're going through this and like, or I'm going through this and I'm just like observing now, like OK, this is what's coming up for me, and like we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna feel, we're gonna feel the feels about it in all of that and acknowledge that.
Speaker 2:you know, this is a little scary and I think that that's something that a lot of us feel. But we don't really acknowledge that fear of aging. And you know, I'll be on here as someone who's older than you to acknowledge it. For myself, I mean, I keep forgetting that I'm 37. I actually have almost told people that I'm 36 a couple of times this year. Inside my head I feel like I'm 24. You know, if I, if I had to like just grab an age, I'd probably pick like 32. But all of that's to say I don't feel 37. I totally am maybe freaking out about turning 38 at the end of this year, but I've got six and a half months to go. We'll talk about this at the end of September, we'll talk about this later. But that means that like holy fuck, the big. The big one is right around the corner for me. And I say the big one because 40 feels like the biggest one, doesn't it.
Speaker 1:I remember when my mom turned 40, like not so much my dad, because he was born on the 4th of July and like every year is a big year for him and so this year he's turning 70 and it's funny because we're we're both kind of going through a similar thing. And the other night he said to me he was like how do you, do you feel old, that you're gonna have a 70 year old dad? I was like no, I feel old because I'm gonna be 30 fucking far in 12 days. What do you mean?
Speaker 1:oh, my gosh, that's, but I remember my mom turning 40 and my dad had like a big surprise party for her and it was like a big thing and like I was young, I was like maybe in I don't know middle school okay well, I can't even remember.
Speaker 1:I didn't even have a dawn of conscious memory when my mom turned my mom had me at 27 wow oh my gosh, yeah, so we had really different experiences of our moms growing up yeah, my dad was a little bit older, because he's eight years older than my mom, but yeah, so I like vividly remember her turning 40.
Speaker 2:Fascinating. Yeah, yeah, it feels like a, like a big transition. It kind of feels almost like that's proper adulthood and proper adulthood. I love that. It feels really scary. I feel grateful that my brother is older than me, so he actually just turned 40. Oh, so he has to experience it first. Tell me about it later, yes, exactly. And then, even better than that is, my husband is two months older than me, so he's still going to turn 40 before I do, so that that again will be another story for two and a half years from now.
Speaker 2:But I get that feeling of you know there's there's fear about it and there's fear about aging and about what does that mean for me and about you. Know our purpose and have we done all the things that we've wanted to do? I had a list that I made when I was, I think, 22,. That was all the things I wanted to do before I turned 30. And I found that list when I was 29.
Speaker 2:And I was like, oh fuck, I haven't done those things and some of them were really nebulous, things like be in the best shape of my life, which it's like. How do you quantify that? And also, I wasn't, you know, I think I probably am at that now, at 37, but I wasn't at 29. And then some of them were, you know, things like meet my partner or go to Spain, like things like that. Um, but it it was a lot of pressure, even from. It was from myself. My past self was pressuring me to have done these things by this time, and I think that a lot of us do that, and it's whether it's like societal pressure, being like you have to be married by the time you're 35, or it's internal pressure, like I have to go freeze my eggs.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that's where we're at right now. So I'm finishing up this challenge and I'm silently freaking out about my birthday.
Speaker 2:Well, how about do you have plans for your birthday? Like anything fun to do?
Speaker 1:It's a Saturday for your birthday, like anything fun to do, it's a Saturday, so I'm sure, I'm sure something fun will be bound, as long as the New England weather allows for that to happen, because it can be quite unpredictable this time of year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they call it January in Washington state.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's very funny. Yeah, we can experience like all of the seasons in one day in June, so that's fun. And right now we're actually I don't know apparently there's some fires in Canada and we're just like living in the smog of that. So, oh, gosh.
Speaker 2:Well, maybe coming up with something that could be like fun and exciting. I I want to share about my birthday experience, because I'm excited to talk about birthdays.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's why I wanted to have you on, because I usually am a person I love birthdays and I love other people's birthdays Like. I will treat other people's birthdays like I would treat my own. I will cancel my plans. I will throw you a birthday party. I will take you out on the best day of your life. Like, birthdays are a big deal for me, so I knew that. I know that you're like very similar in that, so I I love that we're having this conversation.
Speaker 2:Me too, and I hope to, I hope to hype you up a little bit.
Speaker 2:We'll see, um, I, I'm obsessed with birthdays and I think that that all comes down to my original birthday, which is the day after Christmas, which fucking sucks. Besides being born like on Christmas, I'm pretty sure it's the second worst Feels, sort of like you don't have your own time or space. You know people forget about it. Try to combine it. It just kind of is one of those things that like flies under the radar. You know, sometimes throughout the year I will see, say, like on Instagram or Facebook. Sometimes people will like post things about their friends oh, happy birthday to my friend. No one has ever done that for me, ever. Because it's the day after fucking Christmas. No one is paying attention, everyone's off their phone. Also, maybe I'm just not that kind of person who makes those kinds of friends.
Speaker 2:I feel like I have to be that hype woman for myself, because people aren't going to remember, people aren't going to reach out, everyone is busy and it's midwinter, which also sucks.
Speaker 2:So I feel like every year I have a list that I start making in like November of what are the things that I want to do on my birthday, and so I write out, you know, things I like to do or things that I might want to do and try to make it this really special thing to do, or things that I might want to do and try to like make it this really special thing.
Speaker 2:But coming back to that idea of like the pressure that we put on ourselves my husband over the last couple years has acknowledged this in me that I kind of go maybe off the deep end with my birthday, that it's almost like I'm trying to make it be so special that I put a lot of pressure on it and then it either doesn't end up being that special or I put so much pressure on myself that I have more anxiety about it than it is fun. Like a some idea of like some things that might be like what lights you up the most and have that be a way to like celebrate yourself rather than like here's what I'm gonna do for fun today, but like how can you be like fuck, yeah, I'm so glad I was born, I'm so glad I'm Gianna yes, I should think about this a little bit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not'm not sure yet I'm like that I feel very like counterintuitive to summer energy Like, while I feel like everything's like more out and social like, I'm just like not feeling that in my current and I don't know if that's because I've been so outward on social media and the podcast that it's just and and teaching classes it's just like.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's enough socialing for me for for right now yeah, well, and as a projector, that's a lot of socialing.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, I know it's funny because d came back to me and she's like okay, you're gonna rest this week because she's a manifesting generator. And I was like, no, no, no, we can keep going. And she's like, no, no, she's like we're going to announce the winner and we're done for the week. I was like, okay, okay, you see me, I love that.
Speaker 2:You got to have someone who takes care of your poor little projector heart.
Speaker 1:Yes, especially because it's hard to ask for help and if you're, you know you're. You own a small business too. So it's like, oh no, I can do that. Oh, no, I can do that. Oh, I'm gonna do that better. Oh, but I'm not gonna like the way that somebody else does that. I'm not gonna ask for help. But I'm learning to like lean on other people and ask for help because I didn't want nearly enlightened to be just about me. So that has also been very freeing as well, to have somebody to like share responsibilities with, where it's like, oh, this isn't just my load.
Speaker 2:Yes, I love that so much and maybe that's part of part of what you know. This this upcoming Saturday in a couple weeks will be for you is like honoring that part of you, the fact that you have been making all of these connections, doing all of these things, moving this message forward in all of these amazing creative ways and sinking into that, really feeling into that.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's taking time to like do the things that I like to fill my cup up, because I feel like these tools that I have gathered the breath work, the meditation, the yoga they've become less of the tools that fill me up and more like the brushing of the teeth, so now it's like you need new things to kind of be that.
Speaker 2:Yes, I like that. So maybe it's this like slow, cozy self-care I'm not going to talk to anyone today, and it can be that too and I think that that's something that we think about. Birthdays is like oh, we got to go out and go hard and get dressed up and go to the bar and see our friends and do all this stuff, and it's like but maybe you just want to like give yourself a pedicure and do a mud mask and watch a movie in bed. I don't know yeah.
Speaker 1:Saturdays in the summer for my family and our family friends, we go to Block Island and we just do like the beach day, which could very well be a possibility, and I would love that. But I'm also like, I'm open. I love that. I'm open to direction.
Speaker 2:Yes, Well, and I I am sure that it won't be as bad as my worst birthday, which I'm going to share on your podcast.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Yes, so I already shared that my birthday is the day after Christmas, which sucks. When I turned seven, I was running around the house with my brother and my dad. My brother was chasing my dad and I was chasing my brother. My brother did not know that I was chasing my brother. My brother did not know that I was chasing him and he slammed the door behind him and it went right into my face and I like I wouldn't say that it broke my nose, but my nose was definitely messed up my two front teeth came out and they were not ready to come out, so one of them was hanging, but I was, you know, literally just seven.
Speaker 1:So that is so traumatizing.
Speaker 2:I had only lost like two teeth before, so I didn't want my mom to pull it out and so I had to just like suffer with this tooth. That was like just hanging out of my mouth, and then the other one fell completely out. That was like just hanging out of my mouth and then the other one fell completely out. And then, let's see, no one came to my party. Oh, seven years old People had RSVP and they just didn't fucking show up. Some people didn't RSVP and didn't show up. One person came my best friend Taji. She's still my best friend to this day and so my brother locked himself in his room because he felt so bad. Taji was my best friend Taji, she's still my best friend to this day and so my brother locked himself in his room because he felt so bad. Taji was my only friend at my party. I couldn't eat cake and ice cream. One tooth is freaking hanging out of my mouth. Worst birthday ever.
Speaker 1:Oh, that is so sad. I want to hug little seven year old cat.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, me too, and, and, and poor 10 year old Matt, because I feel really bad for him because it was. It was not intentional that he hurt me, but I think that that that hurt him for a number of years and I feel so bad about it. But it's like, it's one of those things. You know, like each of our families has some kind of like crazy story, and that that's one of ours that is so funny.
Speaker 1:It that was like just like a normal saturday at our house, like somebody was always getting a tooth knocked out, somebody was getting stitches, like it was.
Speaker 2:It was a wwe back down at all times oh my gosh, we had very different growing ups because I that was, we didn't have a lot of injury. Um, I think that my brother messed with me more psychologically than than physically, or the physical part was just the fact that he has always been bigger than people his size or his age and I've always been smaller than people my age, or as a kid I was and so I was like really like tiny and sensitive, and he was like big and strong, and so he'd just mess around with me and I'd get hurt, but like not intense yeah, yeah, it was never intentional on our part either.
Speaker 1:We were just like roughhousing, doing something we shouldn't have been doing, like building ramps to jump off of with our bikes or our school. It's like yeah, yeah, okay. I mean my brother has come into the house with like a stick coming out of his eye and my mom being like, okay, just just get in the car, like the urgent care near our house, like everyone knew us, because like it was just, it was always something crazy.
Speaker 1:We grew up on a street, on a dead end street in the woods, with like a bunch of kids that were our age, so it was just Always chaotic.
Speaker 2:That sounds like so much fun though. It honestly was like unless you're the one getting hurt unless you're the one getting hurt, unless you're the one getting hurt, but like sometimes it was just like you know, you're just riding your bike hard.
Speaker 1:We were like riding our bikes up rocks and like the next thing I knew, my kickstand was like through my leg, like it. Just things like that happened. Oh my god, I know.
Speaker 2:I don't want to have kids.
Speaker 1:you know what's great like. My mom is a panicker, but she was always so calm in those situations like she never the panic never showed. And like nine times out of ten my dad is like Italian from Italy lived in a village like there were no doctors, so even some of the worst injuries that like definitely needed stitches were just like butterflied together Like it'll be fine. Oh my gosh, wipe it down with olive oil, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Put some dirt in it, walk it off. I love that that's so funny. Walk it off, oh my gosh, I love that that's so funny. Yeah, well, me, for for my house. Um, you know, having a tooth knocked out definitely was not something that happened all the time, and especially not on one's birthday.
Speaker 1:That was uh that was bad news. That's something you never forget, that stays with you for life. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think that that's that probably is why I put a lot of pressure on myself for my birthday. After that year my mom started doing for me half year parties, so I was actually more fun than having people come over the day after Christmas. But yeah, I feel like that kind of made it feel like I had to make it special. You know the fact that the timing I feel like I have to make it special.
Speaker 1:One of the reasons why I love the timing of my birthday is because it is the halfway mark. Yeah, so you get presents halfway through the year, and that was always very special to me, yeah.
Speaker 2:I've always been very jealous because I have to like think about what do I want only this one time and like yes, I say that my love language is all of them, like it's all of them.
Speaker 1:I want gifts, I want acts of service, I want words about, I want all of it.
Speaker 2:I want you to tell me I'm pretty and give me something pretty and do something nice for me but that's also like how I give love as well.
Speaker 1:Like it's not, but yeah, that's so. Like birthdays are like like being the halfway point. I always loved that. That was always very for me, yes and I.
Speaker 2:I feel like you and I are also both really similar. Even when we would hang out when we lived in the same place, we'd call it our goddess days. Goddess days, yes, and I feel like you and I are both like that where it's like we want to have our birthday, be like that, all about us. And so I get like super obnoxious. Ryan a couple years ago, bought me a sash that says it's my birthday and I wore it this last year and then anytime someone would look at it and say what's that? Say I'd open my arms up and go, it's my birthday. That say I'd open my arms up and go it's my birthday, just because I'm like let me tell as many people as possible that it's my birthday because it's all about me today. But that feels like also sometimes a really fun energy to get into, as like what is going to make me the happiest today. You know what's going to light me up, what's going to let me be my most goddess self.
Speaker 1:Yes, and then we should just trickle that into every single day.
Speaker 2:Yes, I feel like I do that now on for my 30th birthday. I was actually still living in a small town in Washington State, which is a terrible place to have your birthday because it's fucking cold and there's nothing to do, and we're two people who hate the cold cold and there's nothing to do, and we're two people who hate the cold. Yes, so I was like I want to go back to Orange County for my birthday, because I went to school in Orange County. That's one of my favorite places and at that time I still had some friends there. So I set up a whole Christmas trip for me and my husband and I wanted to do all the things that made me the happiest.
Speaker 2:And some of that was like getting Chick-fil-A, because, like, we lived in a small town and that was the only time that I could get Chick-fil-A, so it was like let me eat Chick-fil-A and I want to go to the park and swing on the swings and I had a friend who lived in town and I wanted to see him and spend time and it, it, I got a tattoo that day. So it was like all of these things that were like really special to me, even if it wasn't special to anyone else. You know, ryan is not going to eat Chick-fil-A. That's my husband. You know, like, some of the things that we did were like just very for me, and I think that that that's a birthday that stands out to me as something that was like really special, because it was all day was exactly what I wanted to do and it felt like, you know, 30 is really special and, yeah, making it something that you can remember 30 is really special.
Speaker 1:So you want to hear one of my worst birthdays ever, which just so happy 30. You know it wasn't like the worst worst, but it wasn't really the best either. It was mid-covid times. You didn't know it yet, but the apartment that we had just gotten to had fucking bedbugs. Oh my god, that that year, that year, the bedbug year 30 came in with you, texted me 30 came in with the motherfucking bang. Like, let me tell you, I, you, I'm pretty sure, yeah, that was 30.
Speaker 2:I remember getting those texts from you and it was like in all caps I have fucking bad bugs.
Speaker 1:No, like now it's a funny story. Like now it's a funny story, but like in the moment, I actually was the most not okay that I've ever been in my life. Yeah, I can imagine, because if you know me, like if you've ever come to like my apartment or any place that I've ever lived I am a very clean person you could eat off of my counters or my floors at any given moment. I felt so dirty, I felt so not okay and it was so out of my control and there's nothing you can do. There's nowhere you can go, there's no escaping it. It is the most like you want to do shadow work, get bed bugs.
Speaker 1:I would just be like in the middle of target and then all of a sudden like forget for like five seconds and then when you remember again, it's the worst thing that ever happened to you. I would be like bawling my eyes out in the middle of target, like, like, like, couldn't breathe, like couldn't breathe. It was the worst and literally everything kept going wrong. So, like everything we so like the only thing you need when you have bed bugs. It's like a washer and a dryer. And we had just moved into this apartment. It was brand new. No one had ever lived there before. It just so happened that the furniture that came to the apartment was the warehouse had bed bugs. So the fucking furniture had bed bugs and they there was like a nest in the couch and we didn't know it because it just looks like a brand new fucking couch. That's so gross.
Speaker 2:No, literally like when I tell you the amount of tears I cried I like I might start crying tears for you right now, and it's like that was so many years ago and it makes me so sad.
Speaker 1:It's funny because, like I, right after this had happened, I met my friend, jess at a meditation event in Arizona, when I was still living in Arizona, and I was telling her the story and we were actually laughing hysterically about it because I was like, if I don't laugh about it, I'm going to crack the fuck up like it was. Yeah, because you have to throw your stuff away like it it's and it's not just it like a huge misconception, as it's just in the beds. Like no, it's not, they're everywhere. They can live behind baseboards, they can live behind behind light switches, they can live in wood, they can live in plastic, they can live fucking everywhere.
Speaker 1:Like the only way to kill them sure fire is not even because we've used this is another soapbox of mine but because we've used so many pesticides and and herbicides and these types of things. They've become basically like super bugs, so they become immune to the chemicals that we use on them. So the company who we had gotten the furniture from said okay, we're going to send out an Orkin man. Like Orkin man's going to do the thing, whatever. Whatever Orkin man comes out and says okay, yes, you have bed bugs. So actually now you need to wait, because now we need to come back for the chemical treatment. I'm like, why can't you fucking do it now? We're like literally living with it.
Speaker 1:I have bites all over me from head to toe oh my god and they don't just bite you once, they bite you three times in a line. It's great, oh my god. So now I'm like so itchy, it's like the itchiest mosquito bites you've ever had in your life. They're like itchy and they hurt and there's nowhere to go, because if you go to a hotel, you're gonna bring them with you. If you like god, if you go anywhere, you're bringing them with you. So until you address the fucking root cause of the problem, you are trapped in your own reality, that is, fucking bed bugs.
Speaker 1:And I'm in the middle of like aspen, colorado, where, like commercial things are not abound, like they're not. It's hard to come by. Like the closest Walmart is an hour away, the closest target is 45 minutes away. Like things are far, um. So they're like, yeah, we can send somebody out in two weeks. I'm like, oh, excuse me, what? So now? Now we're just like living with it. They say don't use over-the counter stuff. We obviously fucking did because, like, what are you going to do at that point? Like you can't make it worse at that point. Yes, so that was 30. And yeah, so like 30 was just like throwing away all of my shit trying to get rid of bedbugs, missing my sister's engagement trying to get rid of bedbugs. Missing my sister's engagement, um and just yeah dealing, dealing with that.
Speaker 2:So that was. That was my 30. That sounds like a nightmare. It kind of was. Yeah, Maybe you need to redo that, a redo 30. I agree, yeah. I agree yeah, because that that is a nightmare. And, um, I know that that is a nightmare and I know that was just such a challenging time for you anyway. So so many things and blips and annoying bedbug bites. It's just like one thing after another.
Speaker 1:It was literally like a month of living with that. It was crazy and we didn't know it at first because, like you're naive and you don't want to, your brain does not want to accept something like that. Hell, no, it's crazy. It is crazy I will never. It's funny because, like now I could never go to a hotel and like be the same ever again. Like I am the crazy person who's peeling back sheets, like looking well, now I'm going to, yeah, yeah, it's it ain't for the faint of heart.
Speaker 1:So then they end up sending this orcan man out. Orcan man sprays doesn't get rid of them. So now I am like in research mode. I go to my then boyfriend at the time and I was like, listen, the only way to get rid of them is heat. That's the only way we're going to get rid of them. So we had to hire a company to come in and they have these giant propane tanks and they heat everything, every surface, up to 140 degrees and that is the only surefire way to get rid of them. And I told the company I was like, come, get this fucking couch, get it out of my house. I never want to see it again. Light it on fire like. I don't give a fuck what you do to it. Get it out of here. So if you have bed bugs, the only way to get rid of them truly is heat oh my god.
Speaker 1:Well, I feel like this is a great psa and I'm not sponsored or affiliated by orchid in any way, shape or form.
Speaker 2:Good, because they don't do the heat yes, oh my god, that that seriously sounds horrible and I I feel like you need to have a redo. This last year, for me birthday felt like a redo of the year before, when I was deep in my grief hole and I think it was sick. And that was 36 was, yeah, not a good birthday. So then, 37, I was like, let's go hard. Like like, got up early, went to breakfast, open presents, went walking around the park we went walking around this little outdoor mall went to dinner, watched a movie. It was a whole deal, a whole day. Oh, I love that. Yeah, I am an advocate of the redo.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's what this year needs to be. I know it's going to be a great one, but I'm just not looking forward to it coming up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I get that, and sometimes it's that we, you know, we don't know what to expect. I want to share another one of my birthdays, so I shared that on my seventh birthday, my best friend Taji, was the only one who showed up. I shared that we are still friends to this day, 30 years later. She spent every one of my birthdays with me my actual on the day birthday. The whole time that I lived in Miami, so from age seven to 13,. She was there on my birthday.
Speaker 2:Then we moved to Washington state and when I turned 14, I was feeling really sad and it was this like who am I now? I'm living in this new place. I don't know really anyone. I don't know how to spend my birthday in Washington State. You know, like everything felt really new. But I said, okay, I would like to go to Seattle and maybe we can see my aunt and then go see a movie, because we did not have a movie theater in our small town. So we drive over to Seattle, which is two hours away, and, of course, being 14, we had just moved there.
Speaker 2:I didn't know anything about anything. You know where we are, where we're going. Well, we end up at the airport and Taji came. Her and her brother got on a flight on my birthday from Miami and came to visit us. That's a special friend. To fly across the country, oh my gosh, seriously. And it was such a wonderful thing because it was like my first birthday after moving and it was completely unexpected, you know, I guess she planned with my parents, but it was so special and then we, you know, did my regular birthday things. But sometimes you just don't know what, what that day will hold. Maybe there's something special and exciting waiting for you that you're like, oh, I don't know what to expect, and then it's going to be the best birthday ever.
Speaker 1:Yes, we'll put that out there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe I'll fly across the country. Just kidding, I won't. Don't get your hopes up. I've got bachelorette parties that day.
Speaker 1:Oh, what a gorgeous day to have a bachelorette party. It's going to be hot as fuck in Arizona it will be so hot.
Speaker 2:I need to tell the girls we got to be inside probably.
Speaker 1:It will. Actually, I'm hoping for a beach day. Yeah, I'm hoping for a beach day, I'm ready for them day. Yeah, I'm hoping for a beach day, I'm ready for them. It's been um, new England, has been New Englanding, and it hasn't been the greatest of weather, so we'll see if there can be some late spring magic.
Speaker 2:I love that like that you're feeling better about, about the day coming up, or maybe, oh my gosh, I am apprehensive.
Speaker 1:Always, podcasting is like therapeutic in its own right and I feel like this is a very raw, real episode, so I hope everyone enjoys it. I'm kind of like on the other end of my Gemini Insert evil laugh. So yeah, I'm excited. I'm glad that you're here with me, because it's always fun to catch up with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, same, and it's a topic that is near and dear to my heart.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Both birthdays and aging, and fear of time moving on, because that's, as you know, something that I work on.
Speaker 1:It's in your wheelhouse. I work in your wheelhouse. It's in my wheelhouse. Yes, and you you actually have a new group um coming in. We start well. We started kind of last week, but this week is our first like in-person meeting.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm so excited. So, and find your face freedom. Gianna is in the second round and I'm so excited to have her there. I've got seven people, so I'm really excited to shake things up. I've got a few people who are doing it now for the second time which I think is really cool it's just like let's keep on with this face freedom thing who are diving in for the first time, and that's just really exciting for me because I feel like we as ladies, and especially we as millennial ladies I think there's so much about what is upcoming for us that big, scary 40 birthday that some of my people have already hit that.
Speaker 2:But it's this new era and we're new people and we live in this weird world that tells us, like you were saying, that you're irrelevant after this certain age and that certain age sometimes is like 19. Sometimes it's like 34. And sometimes it doesn't even matter, you know, and I think that there's something about us being able to like reclaim the fact that I'm still relevant or I'm still beautiful, or I'm still here and crushing it, whatever it is that you are. I think that it's important for us to really embrace that and feel powerful in that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's like pretty much the base of of your work, your work and I. I love having this conversation because I do think that we're setting up really ridiculous standards. And you know, I I've been very candid about this, like I used to love showing up with a filter because, yeah, it makes your skin look smoother and your face look more symmetrical and it gives you those lips that you need to spend hundreds of dollars on and like all these things. But at the end of the day, like that's not you, that's not who. Like if somebody were to run into you on the street after seeing you with all those filters on, like they wouldn't there. It doesn't look like you, it's, oh, it's literally an avatar of you. Like it's not you.
Speaker 2:I legitimately don't know what some people look like. All right it's true.
Speaker 1:And you know, there's this one influencer, name not be mentioned, and the only time she shows up on social media is with a filter on and I just think, like it's, it's fraudulent. At this point I'm going to say yes, it's fucking fraudulent.
Speaker 2:You use the word fraudulent. Yes, I know who you're talking about and I will also not use her name, but there's it's. It is fraudulent to say, well, this is what a 40 year old person looks like. Well, this is what my skin looks like it's filtered lady.
Speaker 1:Right, and meanwhile you're like selling supplements and products, and people are expecting to look like you. Only, they can't look like you because well, I mean they could. They could just download the filter that you're using.
Speaker 2:Almost every time that I see someone using a filter, I click on. Click on the filter and then see what it does to my face and I like freak out a little bit because it makes me look like a psycho.
Speaker 1:Honestly, you should do a reel of all of these filters that you find from influencers and like the with filter, with no filter, like make a real, string them together.
Speaker 2:I need to figure out how to do it. I'm one of those millennials that's not very techie and my Instagram actually lives on an old iPad, which is also not great for taking pictures on. So it might need to be one of those things where I like download it to my phone for like two seconds, just make the reel and then delete it. But I would love to and definitely am going to, I'm going to get into it because it it's fraudulent. It's fraudulent it's same with lying about our age.
Speaker 2:You know I would be a much more successful face yoga teacher if I told you that I was 57, but I'm 37 and I'm not going to lie about that because that's fraudulent.
Speaker 1:Period, period. It's just so weird to me, and especially people in the healing space, and like this is maybe like I don't know my thing to work through, but like I get it if the filters are fun or whatever. But if you're telling people to love themselves, to show up as themselves, to be more themselves, and you're showing up with the filter like what is your message?
Speaker 2:even like yeah, and you're saying love yourself for who you are, but I'm not going to love myself for who I am.
Speaker 1:I'm going to love this filter and the way the filter makes me look.
Speaker 2:I love this filter. Oh my God.
Speaker 1:I mean.
Speaker 2:I've heard people say that, well, I, but I just like the way that I look better with it and I'm like, of course, you do no shit, duh Like. And that's the thing and we've talked about this before on the on this podcast that, like I actually just found a picture of myself the other day from uh, let's see, 2021. Um, that was what? How many years ago? Four years ago, so I was 33 and I found this picture and I was like, oh my God, like I looked so pretty and I don't have crow's feet and like there's no little wrinkles under my eyes, and I was like, I felt like legitimately sad. I was like, oh my God, I used to be so pretty. And then I went to that picture and I was like it was edited. It was edited. I never looked like that. And that's the thing is that we're not just messing with other people's perceptions of us. We're messing with our own perceptions of us, and that is arguably the most dangerous.
Speaker 1:I agree, because it's a slippery slope, because then you know. Then you're bringing the picture of yourself with the filter to the injector and saying, how do I look like this? Make me look like this? And it's a much deeper issue. So I like yeah, at first I thought the filters were fun, and they were fun to look like a puppy dog and like to stick your tongue out and it like do the slurp thing. Like yeah, that's fun. But now I feel like we've crossed the line to like we're distorting our perception of ourselves and I'm sorry if you're in the healing space and you're only showing up with pictures like take a deep look at yourself in the actual mirror and like is that the way that you want to show up?
Speaker 2:I love that I might use that just like fucking a word for a word in a reel, because, like I told you in a DM on Instagram, I'm absolutely going to make a reel about it again, not not mentioning and spirit state, but you're not by putting up videos and photos of yourself and showing up live.
Speaker 1:I use live in air quotes. If you're showing up live with a filter, like you are not showing up authentically, you're like like I go back to again what is your message If you can't show up authentically, you're like what? Like I go back to again what is your message If you can't show up authentically and how you really look? If you're not comfortable with how you really look, then what are? What are you doing here? How are you leading others Right?
Speaker 2:Exactly. How are you leading others Exactly? And that's that's the piece of it that rubs me the wrong way. I did write a comment on one of those posts that I was like, oh yeah, like AI is totally messing with our heads and, you know, using filters, blah, blah, blah. When this video was like of her filtered, I noticed that, like she did not reply to me, but like, that's. The thing is that, like you were saying, the filters back in the day, you know, 2016,. 17 on Snapchat, it was like, yeah, the puppy dog one. Or like, oh, what do I look like with a little like halo of flower, crown flowers, you know silly stuff? Yeah, and yeah, it would be still really distorting your face and your features, but these days, the filters still do that. But they are. They're changing their names to be things like clean, natural, natural beauty, beige and white, ultra 4k HD, and it's like none of those things are real. It's filter, filter, filter, filter, filter.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's distorting your face and making yourself an avatar and like that's why we're in this dawn of the internet where, like I think, people are craving more authenticity. And so D and I were obviously like we posted every single day for 30 days. So obviously we were internally freaking out and like, yeah, we had videos where we were sending to each other and being like please talk me out of deleting this because I feel fat ugly and like all of these things. And we both like a few times we both had to kind of like talk ourselves off the ledge, so to speak, being like no, this is real, this is like how we look. This isn't edited, it's not like facetuned or like whatever. Like this is how we actually look when we practice yoga. Yeah, you're gonna have fucking rolls when you bend over, because that's like you wouldn't have mobility if you didn't have that skin.
Speaker 2:And that's what bodies do, and I think that the, the fact that you posted every day and that you posted those things that made you uncomfortable, that's the stuff that's going to make you less uncomfortable, and it's like those are the things that, when we can get over our fear of like, what's someone going to say about this or about me, that we get to that next level of being like, oh, actually, that wasn't that bad, that wasn't that scary, everything's okay.
Speaker 1:I'm still alive, yeah, and not coming from yes, and not coming from a place of like. I have this all figured out because, trust me, like there are days when I would rather show up with filter on and be less real, because I might be tired, I might be in the middle of my cycle, I might have some dark circles like, whatever it. But I am actively working on showing up more without any of the editing, because I think it's important. I think that you know, as you said, we're millennials. So now I think we're kind of like setting the stage and we're stepping up and becoming the leaders. And I look at my cousin, who's 15, and I'm like what message does this send her? And I always look at things through that filter because when I was her age, I was looking for the role models of like okay, who is setting the good example? And in our generation there really wasn't, there wasn't a lot to choose from.
Speaker 2:No, and even still, there's not a lot to choose from. Who's your natural aging role model? Who would you pick.
Speaker 1:That's really hard because, like, who is actually aging? Aging, naturally it's very few and far between, but somebody who I did actually this is very funny because she came across my awareness today in a post is Cameron Diaz?
Speaker 2:yeah, totally, she's a good one.
Speaker 1:She looks great and that's the thing, is that she just looks her age and she's talked candidly about like having the pressures of doing those things and stopping and being like no, I'm gonna look my age and like yeah, we have to really start.
Speaker 2:It's crazy that we have to start applauding that, but like yeah yeah, well, and that's the thing is is accepting ourselves for who and where and when we are, and that's the thing that I talk about with, with find your face. Freedom is that, yeah, we, we may all wish that we had a little bit more of this, a little bit less of that, that we could turn the clock back a couple of years, but the reality is you can't. And so what are you going to do? Instead? You either hate yourself or you can learn to accept yourself, and this goes for you know our age, our natural face, our lives, who we are as people, and I think that you know, as as we talk about, about you know, turning a new age or having a new birthday. I know there's so many people who, like, actively fear that or push against that, and I think that if we can learn how to embrace ourselves, that is the better yes, and I think that's a beautiful place to end.
Speaker 1:so you are just starting your second cohort of find your face freedom, and is it too late to sign up for that, or can people still sign up for this round?
Speaker 2:You know, we have our first live call on Friday the sixth. So as long as someone is okay with probably having missed that first live call, hey, if you are ready to see yourself in a new way, have a new face and a new relationship with yourself by the end of summer, hit me up. Find me on findyourfacefreedomcom it is not too late to book a call with me. Just mash that book a call button and we can chat. We can fold you into the group and if now is not the right time I know that summer is very busy for people there's going to be another round coming up in the autumn, probably September or so. So still head on over to findyourfacefreedomcom. Book a call with me. It's never too late, it's never too early Because we we all are getting older, Our faces are all changing and I'm here for you whenever you're ready.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love that. Well. Thank you so much for being here with me today.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you for having me. This was so much fun. I love to talk about all this kind of stuff with you.
Speaker 1:I love when you come on the podcast because it just feels like an extension of our goddess days.
Speaker 2:Yes, it really is, Except you're not here on the couch with me.
Speaker 1:I know, and that is so that is kind of sad was just telling my boyfriend. I was like, would you want to go to Arizona soon? Like, um, I kind of want to see my friends. I want to take a yoga class, like I literally just want to come take a class with Anton and hang out with you. That sounds amazing and like maybe go get.
Speaker 2:Thai food at Glybon yes, well, if you want to come in. In October we're celebrating our 10-year wedding anniversary, so um and october is such a gorgeous month to be in the desert, I agree, not too hot, we'll throw that out there, and then we can celebrate both of our birthdays I love that I do have some southwest credits that are just like I'm just saving them for a rainy day.
Speaker 2:All right, all right. Well, I hope that you have an amazing birthday. Truly, I wish that I could just pop out there and come see you and go to the beach with you and your family.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I would love nothing more. That needs to happen soon. Yes, I agree with that. Well, thank you for being here and thank you for being my friend and I love you so much, right back at you for being here and thank you for being my friend and I love you so much.
Speaker 2:Right back at you, thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning into today's episode of the Nearly Enlightened podcast. If this conversation resonated with you, I would love it. If you shared, leave a review or reach out and let me know your thoughts. And if you're looking for more ways to deepen your connection to body, mind and spirit, check out Meditate to Elevate my guided meditation portal, or visit nearlyenlightenedcom for more resources. Until next time, stay curious, stay connected and remember the answers already lie within.