From Community Fractures to Growth with Bizzie Gold

What happens when innovation disrupts tradition? When growth gets mislabeled? When leadership gets projected onto instead of understood?
In this episode, I sit down with Bizzie Gold for a raw, grounded, and nuanced conversation about evolution in the wellness world.
We open with the big question: What actually makes something a cult? And how often is that word just a placeholder for fear, projection, or discomfort with change? We explore how intense communities can be misunderstood, how mislabeling shuts down meaningful dialogue, and why sometimes what looks like a schism is simply growth in a new direction.
Bizzie shares what it was like to be branded the “antichrist of yoga” over something as small as a pelvic tuck — and how that moment became part of a much larger wave. Long before functional and somatic movement went mainstream, she was challenging tradition and asking better questions about safety, mechanics, and embodiment. We talk about what it really costs to innovate publicly — and what happens when the internet decides you’re the villain.
This conversation goes deep into leadership, boundaries, and the emotional undercurrents that fuel backlash. Splitting. Envy. Parasocial dynamics. Mob mentality. The 2019 crisis. The coordinated attacks. And the surprising number of apologies that came quietly after the storm passed.
But more importantly, we talk about responsibility.
What does it mean to lead without self-deifying?
How do you hold stewardship without trying to be a savior?
Why do conflict-avoidant leaders often get consumed by the very communities they’re trying to protect?
We unpack the real-life logistics no one glamorizes — payroll stress, messy team dynamics, clear contracts, limited bandwidth, and the power of direct communication. Bizzie brings a refreshingly honest perspective on how strong boundaries don’t harm community — they protect it.
We also explore her evolution away from traditional yoga models and toward somatic and functional mechanics that prioritize physiology, safety, and spirit-led presence. This isn’t about rejecting movement — it’s about aligning intention with impact. Honoring lineage without becoming rigid. Letting practices evolve without burning everything down.
If you’re a teacher, leader, space-holder, or simply someone committed to ethical growth, this episode will give you language and tools to:
Spot projection (in yourself and others)
Set boundaries without guilt
Lead without losing yourself
Honor tradition while allowing evolution
Stay rooted when the noise gets loud
This is a big, honest, necessary conversation about innovation, insecurity, and integrity in modern wellness.
If this resonated, share it with someone who loves nuanced conversations and bold ideas. And when you leave a review, tell me: What boundary are you committing to this week?

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Transcript

Spicy Premise And Guest Intro

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Welcome to the Nearly Enlightened Podcast, a high vibe toolbox designed to help you connect to your body, mind, and spirit. I am your host, Gianna Giruso, and I'm here to share tools, conversations, and insights to help you on your journey of self-discovery. This podcast is all about exploring what it means to live a conscious, connected, and nearly enlightened life because the truth is the answers aren't outside of us. They already lie within. Let's dive in. I am joined today by Busy Gold. And before we get started, um I will say I this podcast has a kind of history or um it's known to be a little bit spicier and talk about the things that no one wants to talk about. And I know that you also love to do that. So I think this is the perfect platform to I'm literally wearing, I mean, listeners won't be able to see, but I'm literally wearing my spicy sweatshirt today. Um I think that having difficult conversations are really important. And I've said it on this podcast a million times like having these difficult conversations are what drives innovation and what drives change. And um, I think it's we need to get comfortable being uncomfortable and like having these changing conversations. So I'm glad you're here today. Um a little bit on the backstory. I don't want to waste time on your like how you got to where you are. I think there's plenty of that out there. Google it. There's a great um, you just put on the booty Instagram, like a little bit of what's going on in your sphere right now. And that is kind of what I want to talk about today. Um, you just had a really good podcast talking about like people in leadership and how um sometimes they get these incorrect, they're labeled incorrectly as cults. And I have personally dealt with this. I worked for Lululemon when Lululemon first started to become what it is. And when I first started working there, everyone would say that, like, oh, you work in a cult, like that's a cult. And I would be like, All right. But it is a word that we throw around a lot in our um, especially in the spiritual entrepreneur space. So I'm glad we're having this conversation and let's talk about it.

What Actually Defines A Cult

SPEAKER_00 2:20

So and it's actually so it's a multi-part series. We've kind of been pulling this thread now for like honestly, maybe three months. But the one that you're referring to is the mechanics of cults, which is on my podcast, decoded. And then the one that came out yesterday is the psychology of projection and obsession, and they really do piggyback each other. So for anyone that's obviously wanting to go listen to those two to kind of pair with what we're talking about today, I definitely would recommend it. The mechanics of cults is important because you have to understand what actually makes something a cult, because a lot of people, like you said, we're kind of mislabeling things and we're throwing around this word haphazardly without really understanding that there are very specific defining characteristics of a cult. And it doesn't just mean that you're like emotionally invested in something, right? That does not mean that it's a cult. So I think you have to understand the mechanics from the first episode and then the projection psychology episode is really important because that aspect coming from childhood wounds is what actually has somebody project that sort of cult dynamic, where if you were to actually explicitly break down the cult dynamics, none of the check marks would be there. So, how is it possible that somebody could say, this is a cult? It felt like a cult when actually none of the mechanics of the cult themselves are actually present. So definitely would encourage people to go look at that because it's it's probably like two hours deep. So go go do that too. And then yeah, let's get into it. I can't wait.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Yeah. So right before we started recording, we were kind of briefly chatting about how you've kind of you have moved away from the yoga space. And I want to talk about that because I think it's an important distinction and part of this story. So um, like I want to know like what was that driving force? What made you even your movement modality, which was Buddha yoga? Um, how did you move away from now? It's more of like movement and stepping away from the yoga sphere and why.

Leaving Yoga And Evolving Booty

SPEAKER_00 4:18

So, interestingly enough, the the actual if we were to kind of track the timeline, the very first iteration was not your mama's yoga, which I think I talked about on the IG Live. Yes, that was kind of like that. Then it became booty but i. And if anyone goes like in the way back machine, it was this boom box logo that had a lotus in the center. Um, but then it went from booty to booty fitness, and it was bootyfitness.com for a really long time, and then I'm I think probably in like 20 maybe 13, it changed to bootyyoga.com, and then we dropped out the yoga in maybe 16, like 2016, 2017, and went back to just kind of like booty movement in general. And there's a variety of reasons for this, and and some of these reasons are involved in why I don't personally associate with yoga anymore. But I would say largely for me, the main reason that I don't see myself as a yogi and practicing yoga and things like that anymore have much more to do with my spiritual belief system rather than like the yoga market as a whole. Although, like if I go back and track the different decisions that I've made, some of the yoga kind of market certainly made those decisions easier too. So if I look back, one of the very beginning things that I've looked at, and it's it's funny because people lately, since I had that IG live, people are, you know, now kind of going back in nostalgia and reminiscing. And a lot of people have come forward and just said, Busy, do you ever just kind of sit back and think how much you've actually changed yoga as a whole? Like the the ripple effect from booty from the time that it first started to hit Instagram. It's been a really big ripple effect because back then what we were doing was considered like awful. Every, like every person that was involved in yoga at that time really perceived us to be like the antichrist of yoga. Like we were trying to disrupt yoga in a way that was anti-tradition. People were so, so vehemently opposed to it, so mad. We were constantly getting attacked. And if you look at where it is now, and obviously it's been a really long time, like 16 years, now it's like everything's fusion, everything's dance, like now dancing and twerking and like doing plymetrics in your yoga, like that's all so mainstream that people like forget that when we first did it, people really were so mad. They were so mad, you guys. I don't know if you can really like so this just brings up this point that really, like from the very beginning, I've had hate from some group at all times, right? And it's like the group keeps changing. But in the beginning, I was the bad guy because all of the yogis were like, you're trying to dismantle yoga, this is so disrespectful, all those things, right? So, and then you know, the way we dressed was disrespectful. Everything was everything was wrong. But now everything's like hypersexualized. And why I don't think with booty, the intention from the outset was never to be over-sexualized. I think it was more to me about being free and feeling good in your body and not feeling the need to cover up and kind of like compress yourself. I know that you were talking about Lululemon, like that was the time when everyone was wearing like Lululemon compression and like everything was high-waisted and squeezed. And I just remember when I first had a photo shoot for booty, because you know, with photo shoots and magazines, typically they're having whatever their like fashion partners are give you a bunch of stuff. And they had all this stuff lined up. And I was like, I'm not wearing that, like I can't wear that. I and I remember like trying to squeeze into it, and I literally like I don't I don't remember, is it black sheep or what's the fat guy in a little coat one? Is it Tommy Boy?

SPEAKER_01 8:14

Tommy Boy with Chris Farley, that guy and oh my gosh, I'm terrible. Like, if you name anything like mainstream movies, like I haven't seen it.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

I'm I live under a rock. Guaranteed, well, this is a really old movie, but somebody just got that reference. I think it was Tommy Boy, but basically, Chris Farley, who's a huge dude, obviously, rest in peace. He's definitely dead. He like puts on this jacket and like the jacket's totally about to break because he's it's so small for him. But every time I put these pants on, I just was like the feeling of it pressing on my skin and everything. I remember just looking at the people that were on set, and I was like, I can't, can I please just wear like what we actually wear in booty? Um, because it just felt so restrictive. So back then, again, to me, it wasn't at all about being sexual or anything like that. It just was like, I didn't want to be compressed and trapped in some sort of like Lululemon garb. And even that, I remember all their producers, it was just they couldn't believe that I would actually want to wear that on camera. And now it's like what you see, everyone's wearing whatever they want. So we really, I'm saying this, we broke so many barriers at this time. And I had to be the bad guy, people on our team had to be the bad guy. A lot of the forerunners and people that first started to bring booty into all their different communities, like they all caught a lot of flack for it, you know? So we, and that's naturally what happens when you disrupt something. But I just want to throw that out there is like from the very beginning, the people that hated us were the yogis. And then eventually the yogis accepted it, right? And actually, a lot of the yogis that pushed against it the most vehemently, I think found the most freedom in it, and they actually became kind of our biggest market. But I bring this up because eventually you hit this place, and I mean, this didn't take long where it's like the yogis want to look at it. And obviously, those of us that know booty, you know that you can't just see like a little snapshot of it and get it. It's a really felt experience. So you could see a one-minute clip, and it's gonna be such a distillation that you won't really get it conceptually. And depending on what one minute you're looking at, you're gonna interpret it one way versus another. So we know that it's a really felt experience, but you can't capture that. So a yogi would look at it and they'd be like, that's not yoga, right? At which point then I'd kind of say, okay, well, like what is yoga? Because if if we're breaking it down this way, then like technically, yes, it is yoga. But then we'd get to a place where when we're in the practice, is it technically yoga based on the principles of yoga? Yes, at that point, I really think that it was. But then you get yourself into a conversation, which, if anyone remembers this, going again back in the Wayback Machine. I think I put some post up that went super viral that said something like, you can't be an evolutionary if you're also a traditionalist or something like that. Where it's like, you can't, you kind of can't do both things simultaneously. So I'm actively choosing evolution. Like I can, I can be in this place where I can shadow the two worlds. I can understand the roots and the origins, and I can give it honor and respect, but I can also acknowledge that those are stepping stones or foundations that to me are ripe for evolution, right? Right. And that kind of goes back to your schism thing, right?

Disruption, Backlash, And Market Shifts

SPEAKER_01 11:35

Yeah. And if we were, if we were practicing yoga traditionally, no one that has a vagina would be practicing. Amen. Because yoga was created 6,000 years ago for 12-year-old boys. So the evolution does have to happen. And you look at somebody like BKS Iengar, who really was another industry disruptor, he was thrown out of every yoga class that he went to, he didn't have an open body, and he is the reason why we have props now. So people hated him too. And this is what I was talking about about schism, is it's it's a natural process of evolution. And if there weren't breakoffs and people kind of putting their own spin on these 26 poses, then it probably wouldn't have lasted the test of time that it has.

SPEAKER_00 12:25

And I think going with this idea, I think schism is important and evolution is really important. And I think piggybacking back to the podcast topic, that can happen if it's not coming from a cult, right? Because a cult basically wants to prevent you and block you from leaving. But this is, I think, the really interesting thing here is that if you really look at what happens when typically schism takes place, is it's often not that the place that you're leaving is trying to prevent you from leaving. It's more that the person leaving feels the need to somehow demonize or point out error in the thing that they're leaving to kind of boost themselves up or prop themselves up in the next thing. And to me, that is, I think, the most interesting pattern to observe because let's use beauty for example. There are plenty of people who have left and left in ways that are not great. Um, but interestingly enough, and you and I were talking about one of these people before we started, and I know I I made it. Um, I try, I would like to be really intentional about not naming people because I just don't think that's respectful or fair to anybody. And while I don't think I've been done the same service, I would like to be able to pay that forward. One of the people in question that we were talking about, that was somebody who absolutely I had no negative interaction with that person whatsoever. Like literally not one. And the way that that whole separation happened, I she wasn't fired. I didn't have any negative, I've never had a fight with her, like I've never had any negative interaction with this person whatsoever. So when that started to happen, I was like, what? So there are these certain there, there's select instances where I get blindsided. I'm like, wait, what's happening? Because I've not had any negative interaction with them. So this would be a great example of somebody who of any person could have just gone on to do her own thing and would have had my unending support without any sort of drama whatsoever. But some people choose to bring in drama nonetheless. And I think that to me is the thing I would love people to maybe take a look at. And hopefully, if we're looking at what happens when breakoffs happen and what people can do differently, I think the number one thing is be respectful and honor where you came from, right? That that to me is the number one thing. Like if booty as a practice helped you grow as a person, gave you access to different things that you're doing in your life, helped you understand something about yourself or how to move your body that you didn't understand before you got there, that should be something that, in my opinion, deserves honor and respect. That doesn't mean that you are prevented from going to do your own thing. If what you're doing is truly different and unique, by all means, I want people to do that. I have always said from day one, if you as a teacher don't have the desire for your students to hit your level and above your level, then why are you even teaching? Like to me, that would be a false teacher. I want to give everything I can to my students that they're starting from basically like my ceiling. And then at that point, you want them to go out of that ceiling to whatever their next level is. But I think if you're not doing that with any level of respect and honor, it's probably because there's some other wound in you that has some sort of insecurity about example, like, is what I'm doing really different? Can I do this and still give honor to that? And I'm not gonna name this person, but this is a battle that I've seen with one person in particular who is very involved in what's been going on. And I would watch this battle happen like this, okay? So this is somebody who was developing her own format and was actually trying to have me partner with her on said format. And I was, I'm trying to be really good about my boundaries. I'm turning 41 years old. I have way too many businesses, I have four children. I now I'm a sourdough mom. I have a lot of things going on in my life. So I have to be very intentional about where I put my time and energy. And that is a lesson that frankly took me way too many years to learn. So I'm like trying to catch up. But this year, especially ironically, although I think it it's actually part of what we're experiencing right now, this last year, I can say for sure I have stuck the landing on my boundaries. And that is partly responsible for the fallout that we're dealing with right now because we can swear on your podcast, right? Yeah, heck yeah. Okay, so you're like, heck yeah, shucks. I'm like a big fan of that. That would have that would have been the fuck yeah moment. You're like, shucks, yeah. Um, okay, so I have let so many people walk all the fuck over of me for so many years. So many years, you guys. I have been the sugar mama in way too many people's lives. I have had employees fuck me over, steal from me, steal from me some more, do all kinds of funny business with invoice. Like you name it, they have done it.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

Because like I think this is what we were talking about too, is when you before unfortunately, before we were recording, is when you put yourself in this teacher leadership position when you are dealing with people who are seeking and who are trying to heal some trauma drama or bullshit in their life because like we all got it. Um we put these leaders on pedestals and forget that they're not the guru, they're not like this god, they're not um like they're just human, like we're just human. And I was telling you how I just experienced something of a student that was like just sucking way too much energy, and it ended up being kind of like a stalker situation. And this is not unique in this sphere, like it happens more often than not, and we don't like to talk about it because we do believe that people can change and that they can be better, and we want to forgive and we want to see the best in people. Um, but sometimes not to be dramatic, but it can be like a little dangerous. Like I recently felt unsafe teaching, and I have never felt that it's almost 11 years of teaching. This was the first time that I've literally felt unsafe being in this position of like a leadership position.

Schisms Without Scorched Earth

SPEAKER_00 19:15

I'm glad that you bring that up because somebody the other day had reached out and they're like, I just don't understand how it's possible that like all of these, like all of this can happen. And I'm like, well, listen, if we were just some mundane corporation, yes, this would be really bizarre, truly. But we're dealing with a bunch of probably quasi-creative geniuses, right? That have a bunch of emotional trauma. Like booty, booty brings in, and I think, like you said, basically any healing modality, spiritual practice, but I think booty in particular, because it's so multidimensional and creative, it brings in people who probably have a lot of trauma to sort through. And it certainly brings in people who are really creative and multidimensional. And unfortunately, and I hate that I have to say this, it brings in people who sometimes when you have that sort of um creative visualization mind, going like everyone knows that I break method has been my primary focus for the last 12 years. There's a specific behavior marker with that, where for me, like when I am in fear and I try to protect myself, the way I protect myself is to commit to something and to try to figure it out, even if I have no idea what the hell I'm doing, right? But some people, when they're in fear, they go up into their head and they might dissociate, they might overanalyze, they might imagine. And when somebody has that protective response, they are the prime targets for projection and dissociation. But they're also that same, that same tool could be used as a gift when it comes to creative visualization, right? So like imagination and overanalysis and dissociation all technically come from the same mechanism. So I think what happens is booty attracts a lot of those people because they love like the free form, freedom, and creativity of it, right? Like it fits who they are, but that can get turned into a straight up atomic bomb when it comes to some of the stuff we're talking about. Because their ability to think in objective reality and have strong metacognition in the moments when it matters when they are in fear or they are insecure is simply not available. And that I think we have attracted a lot of in Buddhi, but I think yoga just attracts it in general. Um, because it is right, the whole practice of yoga, going with the name of your podcast, nearly enlightened. Like people are seeking something. They like they're they're not, they don't want to stay in some sort of simple, boring, mundane life. That is typically what has brought them into one of these things, is that they are seeking, but that can get turned into a weapon very, very quickly. And I feel like that kind of goes back to this thing that I was sharing about a person that had a format that I was they were wanting me to. partner with them on. And I'll kind of I'll walk you through the different steps and what happened here and kind of from where I'm at, this was some of my best boundary putting up work that I have ever done. And it's sad that it ended up where it did. But I can rest my head on the pillow tonight knowing that I did everything I absolutely could to be both a good friend and also have personal boundaries. So this person wanted me to and she is one of these people we're talking about that's like very creative genius. Like I I will give it to her total creative genius. I have told her this one million times. So when she wanted to build this partnership with me, I said to her, why don't you come up with the terms of the contract that make the most sense for you? Right? Like you think about what you want and then you can send those to me and then I'll let you know if I can make those work or if there are suggestions need to be made. So she gives all those and by the way this is all in text messages too. So um this is part of what has driven me nuts about all this is I'm not the person that's gonna go put people's paper trails on blast, but for people to just wildly make shit up when it's like if I were that guy I would just be like I'm just gonna go put all this on fucking YouTube but I'm not that guy. So going through this scenario she then responds, gives me all the stuff and I'm like great I'll draft this up I literally respond with a draft. I did not change anything that this person said. I literally just put it into a draft format right because hers was in bullet points. All of a sudden I get I don't think this is gonna work out I can't do this is nothing like what I wanted and I was like wait hold up do you want to talk on the phone for a second? Because I'm really confused. I literally took your language that you put from this into this so do you want to just talk about it? She's like okay so we get on the phone we talk through it we go line by line and and I'm like could you look at what you wrote before and you like if you think I changed anything just let me know. And she looks through it actually no it's exactly what I wrote and I'm like okay so what do you want to do? Because I was like I don't need to be a part of this at all. I love you. I can support you as your friend I don't like I have so much on my plate I don't need to do this. Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

And also like I mean this is you stepped away from the yoga sphere. So I think going back to that that's an important um distinction to make because even the way that booty used to run how it was more of like a franchise and you pay these licensing fees and like all this stuff like I don't think correct me if I'm wrong I don't think that exists anymore. What do you mean like um so just how you take your trainings and it doesn't like your your whole structure of booty has changed.

Boundaries, Burnout, And Leadership Costs

SPEAKER_00 24:40

I don't think anything's changed with the licensing okay I I Yeah so so people the way booty works is you get certified you pay a monthly licensing fee to be a booty instructor which basically just gives you discounted access to all of the workouts because we want to make sure that you're not getting stagnant in your practice and it kind of comes down to something that simple is we've found with booty if if you get stuck kind of in your own little creative zone without getting the influence of all the other people in booty that are evolving at the same time, people tend to kind of do the same thing. So example would be when a booty instructor has done that and and has kind of really separated themselves and made themselves an island, when they come and try out at advanced years later, you can usually tell like their practice is stuck in whatever year they got certified in right like I can I can see when somebody's practice hasn't evolved since like 2017 or 2018. And from somebody that's been around it, a lot of times you can because a lot of times it's not just me at advanced there's multiple master trainers there and you can literally see like oh yeah they're I remember I remember what iteration they're like stuck on repeat because they're not staying in kind of the evolution of it. So that's kind of the main focus of doing that is to make sure that we're all evolving together instead of staying stuck in a specific year. But that that very much still exists that hasn't changed and I don't I mean I don't really think that will change. But to me that part wasn't tied to yoga explicitly so you know and this kind of goes back to one thing we were talking about earlier which is like it's always been a rock and a hard place. Do we pass through yoga poses? Absolutely yes there I don't think there's it's it is it is always going to be the skeleton of how you transition from one thing to another but I think over the years what has been more true is that our alignment of how we pass through things, I think a lot of times goes more I think with functional movement principles than yoga principles explicitly and a lot of my teaching has been very counter to traditional yoga principles in terms of alignment. And in fact I would say critic critical of yoga alignment but not in a judgmental way but more just like if you look at the stacking of the bony landmark doing it at this angle versus this angle if you look at movement mechanics doesn't make sense. This is why we do it this way. So I think we've been critical of some of the yoga bony alignments for many, many years. So I feel like that transition has always kind of naturally happened because ultimately you know functional movement wasn't really a thing. Like now functional movement is everywhere and a lot of what you see on Instagram now like even with people doing unique transitions and stuff like that, the funny thing is people will send that to me and they're like we've been doing this for literally like eight, nine years, right? Because we felt the creative freedom to figure out how can I move from here to there and keep my body with safe movement mechanics and feel free to kind of keep evolving. So we've kind of naturally done over the years what now people are doing all over the place and calling it functional movement. And I think kind of with that in mind, really where booty has gone now is that it's very much more which I I think it's always been a somatic practice. I think there's a whole twist on somatic movement and therapy that's happened over the next the last couple of years that I think is is very strange. I actually have a podcast coming out on that next week uh it's called somatic therapy woo or sacred science and I think it's of course somewhere in between but I think the somatic piece of it has always been there the functional movement piece of it has always been there and we've always been critiqued in yoga for how we merge things together. I don't know if you were around at this time but there was one time that yoga girl really came for me hard because she saw that we were pelvic tucking in a warrior two. So literally imagine imagine a world where there was a whole frenzy where it was like hundreds of thousands of people attacking me over a pelvic tuck in warrior two like so just to give people the kind of baseline it's like that would never happen now. But in that time and place I think that was probably 2015 that was like the craziest thing that had ever been done in a warrior two was like a mild pelvic tuck.

SPEAKER_01 28:54

How dare we I mean that's how I so I took this was going back when booty still had like yoga teacher trainings and I was already yoga certified so I already had 300 hours of like very traditional like Baptiste yoga style training and forced yoga training. And the reason why I I took two years off from teaching because I was like fuck if this is the yoga community like I want zero part of it. Like it's so political and so just like not practicing what people are preaching that I just like want no part of this. And then I started seeing the booty um like that's when you were like blowing up Instagram it's like 2018 2019 and I was like oh this might be just what I need to get me like back in to yoga and I do think that there was something that you were going through publicly then too. So I'm like getting into this new space I'm like oh fuck it's here too like you've got to be kidding me.

SPEAKER_00 29:53

Yeah so that happened February of 2019.

SPEAKER_01 29:57

Yeah oh so that was that's when that's when we started yeah it must have been when we started so yeah right at that time so what is it like being in this position of leadership and going through these very public moments of tension and criticism and how does that kind of like shape where you go next so that one was brutal because it came completely out of left field and it ended up uncovering years long of one particular person undermining me the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

Like it ended up uncovering this whole web of something that one person I found out had actually masterminded for about four years straight who was pretending to be my best friend. So that was a really hard one to stomach and a lot of that was kicked off by me selling booty right like I at that point I had just solidified the deal to sell my majority share in booty and I made the mistake there was one person in particular who I should have I didn't trust this person from the outset. This is not the person that was my best friend this is a like a random um but I kind of I knew that this person was a little bit weird and opportunistic and she kept wanting to come over and she came over and she happened to overhear a conversation in which and I like going back in that moment I'm like oh why um she overheard even though she wasn't it wasn't literally to her she overheard my ex-husband at the time talking to a friend in the living room about the finances of the situation like of the transaction and how much money we were making from the transaction and like how that was set up and I like in the moment I remember just kind of gritting my teeth and like wanting to go over to my ex-husband and been like don't talk about this in front of people that we don't know like this is but I could see this like sinister Cheshire cat grin on her face and I could tell she was listening in on the conversation I was like trying to talk to her about something else. But this this person and it was a multi-prong but again very coordinated attack this person the little Cheshire I was like oh fuck I don't know I don't know what she's gonna do with this but she's gonna do something and she did and she at the same time this was happening she kind of went to one of the other people that was very involved in this and I just want to say what's interesting is so it's 2026 now this happened in February 2019. Within six to nine months of it happening multiple people were coming to me on their own and just saying busy I'm so sorry I don't even know what happened. I don't even know why I said that I know that's not true. And then that would continue on for four years. Still to this day random people will come back and be like I'm so sorry that I was involved in that I don't even know like I don't I don't know what happened. So this is what happens when mob mentality and if you want to take it spiritual for a moment there's definitely a spiritual component of this too because there are whatever your spiritual belief system is I very much am a follower of Jesus spirits and demons hop on the bandwagon here when we're talking about mob mentality common wounds that people have tend to bring them together. And then what you're doing is you're kind of creating this loop where everyone's like yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's like exactly what you wanted to hear to feel good. Right. And there's a part of you that whether your pattern is kind of more that you're the social justice warrior or there's a part of you that wishes you could do XYZ thing and you see somebody doing that and it's like well I yeah let's take them back down to size. They can't have all that there has to be something wrong with them. And I feel like sometimes there's this comparison like needing somebody to have a huge flaw and it makes people kind of jump on that as soon as they hear something negative they're like oh that makes more sense. It's like they like want somebody to have some sort of like huge character flaw. So I think often that's what happens and like I said they're literally it there's not a month that goes by that people that were involved in this 2019 one don't come back and say I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. One of them in particular was involved in the second round actually a couple of them and I will say this because I think this is really important two people that were involved in round one that came back again for another in round two both came back I'll I'll divide them up one person came back and just bawling crying I'm so sorry. I don't know how I did that. I don't even know why I said those things I was like hijacked please forgive me I like think about it all the time I'm so sorry I did that to you never deserved that and then maintained that for like a year right that posture. And then little by little I'd find out from people that they were shit talking me at trainings and then shit talking booty at trainings. And then we'll get back into that one later. But that just shows you somebody can come back and say I'm so sorry. I don't know how I did that. None of those things were true. I don't know why I said that. And of course the part of me wants to be like I love you because I listen I have so much love for many people who have intentionally harmed me right one of them back in that 2019 she was my best best best friend and that's still one that I have a lot of questions about because when that dam broke and I found out what she had actually been doing for four years I it's the deepest betrayal to this day it's the deepest betrayal I have ever experienced. And I've been in abusive marriages I had a husband that committed suicide when I had a special needs daughter that is the deepest betrayal I have ever felt in my life because it made no sense. It really didn't and the sad thing is that that particular friendship multiple people had tried to you know warn me. And of course in my mind I'm like this can't be true right I'm like I push it off like this can't be true. They're just trying to break up my friendship and I mean plot twist I see now they were trying to tell me the truth I just I couldn't I couldn't see it I didn't want to see it. I probably didn't want to see it because it was my best friend.

Projection, Trauma, And Mob Mentality

SPEAKER_01 36:09

But I will say kind of going back to that jealousy and envy are a hell of a a hell of a drug for some people and you know I was thinking about this the other day and I've been by the way unpacking this on podcast episodes too because I think it's important because I think we're used to if someone's like you know you imagine like a mean girl scenario like oh my God they're just jealous of me right that's not what we're talking about where it's not this like I'm just from the outside looking in it does feel very like I went to an all girls Catholic high school girl you don't have to tell me about drama and it feels like from the outside looking in and just like analyzing both sides like that's what it kind of feels like is like very convoluted very just like it it does show that our patterns come from childhood and we are still like operating on these like very adolescent kind of behaviors and to see it in the wellness sphere whether it's fitness spiritual or otherwise it's just like oh damn like we're missing the mark.

SPEAKER_00 37:17

We're so missing the mark and here's the thing having conversation and if your desire is for co-reconciling reality healing things mending things and trying to figure out how how you could feel that and I could feel this and trying to get to the other side of that as as a unified collective our world would be very different. But many people don't want to do this I've literally had this is a absolutely true story somebody who was very much involved in this that I was like hey let's just sit down and talk about it and we sat down and we talked and everything it made sense right like they gave me a hug they're like I feel so much better. Weeks later they were back on the same shit again and I was like wait wait I'm so confused like what I don't understand how we met we this made sense we had a good conversation I I listened to you all of that and that now six weeks later we're back here again. Do you think it's part of that like access and pedestal kind of behavior million percent but I think some of these people again they're there are certain types of people that are very susceptible to like gossip and manipulation and ultimately they have a wound where they they want somebody to be the bad guy. If they've been fired or they've been let go they want to believe whatever it is that somebody's telling them and they want to latch onto that. So even if they're sitting across from you and there's a part of them in that moment that knows like I know this person and I love this person and I know I know what they've done for me and I know who they are if you're separated from that you can kind of you can like lose your tether to reality which I think ha happens often. But what's sad about this particular person is then they go around I've had people literally like go and try to contact multiple instructors, students, clients, right? Like go they're literally out there trying to recruit which is why I made the cult episode because they're so blind to their own issues that they don't realize they're they've become a cult leader and they're actively out there trying to recruit people into their cult and tell people if you even want if you're not even if you even question what I'm saying you're in deception and I can't talk to you. This has literally happened so many times.

SPEAKER_01 39:27

Right and it just makes you think it's them it just makes you think like why can't these schisms happen naturally without this kind of like fallout it's just like kind of interesting to look at coming from the outside in and um like I don't want to talk about one of these people but what I had said to her was I think it's actually like hurting your mission absolutely by being involved in this because it for for me it's like about the yoga. It's about the yoga principle it's like way more than the asana and I think that it's just I mean we're all human we're all trying the best we can with what we have at this time and we make mistakes like I'll be the first person to admit that I have fucked up like I have probably intentionally and unintentionally hurt people and so you do try to look at it of a lens it's like we're all human.

SPEAKER_00 40:26

We're all like navigating this um but yeah like I just think that that getting involved kind of like convolutes the message and that's disappointing for me because this is my life it's like why my podcast was born it's why I do what I do it's why I'm willing to have the spicy conversations and that particular person when I was talking to them and I because I I am I'm a person of my word if you're going to start shit with me I am going to text you or call you as soon as it happens I'm not gonna go on the social media waves because that's ultimately that's all social media marketing and tarmacking. I'm gonna go right to you and be like hey you can call me anytime which for what it's worth for anyone listening to me every single person that's done this to me the very first thing that happened is they had either a text or a voice memo in their phone from me being like hey why don't we have a conversation about this because the way that we one of the people that did this to me if you and this is actually very common if you look at the last text message that was sent to me it's usually something that's like one of them in particular was like OMG loving your new haircut and obsessed with your pod by the way and I never responded to it. And then two weeks later they're attacking me on social media. It's like I don't on what planet can you pretend that you go from that to busy as a cult leader and a thief and bubble like it just that's not a normal transition. But I digress. I think when it comes to this particular person I did call them immediately and just say hey let's talk about this you might not have any idea that what you're promoting is a lie but I'm totally open to having a conversation about it. And at one point her response to me was well you wouldn't have let me have booty classes on my platform right like almost making it seem like that's why she did it because I wouldn't let her have booty classes on her platform. And I said did you ever ask me because if you had said if you'd let me know I'm gonna cause all this mess of drama because you won't let me have booty classes on the platform and you told me hey I'm gonna do this because you won't let me do that why don't you at least call me and be like hey while I'm promoting my platform is it okay if I throw a couple booty classes on there because you know what I would have said hell yeah go for it. I'm I don't operate in scarcity but I think very often people don't take the they just assume and they don't take the time to ask for something. So maybe that's a cop out maybe that was a lie on her part and it wasn't really true. But if that was at all true maybe you should have come to me and just said hey is it okay if I put some booty classes on my platform because I would have said yes and then maybe thousands of people wouldn't have been caught up in drama based on a lie. That's I don't know that's all I got on that one. Because it's just it's silly if that it and again I realize when somebody's caught maybe that wasn't really like she was just saying something just to say something. But here's the thing I really I don't operate in scarcity. I think it's easier for me to say that because obviously I I have done well for myself financially but I don't operate in scarcity and like plot twist probably one of my biggest issues is even when I was broke AF, I still didn't operate in scarcity well that's the thing too it's like people see where you are now as a leader and a business owner and a spiritual entrepreneur and people don't see the years and years of scraping by or like working around the clock or like you said like it it's when you're starting these businesses it's hard to

SPEAKER_01 44:00

have boundaries because you want it to work so bad. It's like in your it's like in your DNA. Like you would do anything to make these things work. So you're like you're kind of working yourself to these places of like you have nothing else left to give. And people either see it and forget that that happens because they're blinded by the success or they weren't around for that. So they don't know that you were like scrapping and scraping by and like clawing your way to the top.

Inside The 2019 Crisis And Aftermath

SPEAKER_00 44:33

Oh for yeah and off and on for years. And you brought up something that kind of piggybacks on something we were talking about earlier. During those times when I'm busting ass working around the clock there was a point with booty where our every two week payroll was$250,000. I just want everyone to conceptualize that for a second like from a stress level can you imagine having every two weeks to pay that like do you know how stressed out I was I was literally on the edge at all times. And yes, were we making a lot of money at that time? Yes. But Biggie Smalls was great mo money mo problems. It just as soon as you start making money you start getting sued by people you don't know everyone starts trying to take advantage of you having a$5000 payroll you guys is not a fun experience. Like I would rather personally make way less money and never have to pay$5000 out every single month. It was awful. But this is what I want to go back to because you you brought it up and it's really important. Because remember I talked about how a lot of the times you end up having employees who end up pushing the limits and treating you like a sugar mama and taking advantage, right? Because in their mind it's like she's so distracted and she's so wealthy she's not going to notice this. And to be honest with you, that I didn't they were not wrong. And this goes back to in my episode I was talking about how sometimes this like employee and then whoever the CEO or the founder is role can kind of take on this sort of parent-child relationship. I was like the mommy that wasn't giving them the the attention that they wanted because I was like traveling all over and gone. There was a point I'm just going to call a couple of these out because a couple of these people not look wait literally there was a point in 2019 when like everyone for them not everyone but a lot of the people largely that were orchestrating this thing, they had fucked me over so bad and for so long that as this was happening the injustice in me boiling like are these people fucking kidding me right now? And it took all of my patience to be like okay I'm gonna breathe through this and I said it on my podcast with my husband they went so far as to try to destroy my relationship made a bunch of fake accounts to try to get my husband now now my husband then my boyfriend to break up with me. So this was like batshit crazy some of these people that worked for me during this time that I'm describing this was when we had just opened up the studio in New York City. I was having to travel a ton and we had cameras set up in the office and everyone knew there were cameras but I think in their mind they're like busy so busy. No one's watching this she doesn't check the cameras and there was literally a point when all of my employees not all that's not true three employees that were part of this attack on me were literally having they were on rolling chairs having like kid battles on rolling chairs doing absolutely nothing just literally like being children and I had to get on the camera because it also has a microphone be like hey guys I know I'm in New York but off and on I've checked the cameras all day today like you guys all get paid big salaries. I need you to do your job when I'm not there. I'm not happy just I'm watching the camera please get back to work. Right and am I going to be the bad guy for that? Of course I'm gonna be the bad guy for that but was that the wrong thing for me to do as the founder of the company absolutely not you can't do that when you're salaried employees. Another employee that was part of that whole thing I went into her office one day and like this person would always it was always behind there was never enough time and I went to her office and I could see that she looked really guilty and I'm like you look really guilty like is there something I'm supposed to get you in trouble for like if I'm just reading your body language and she's like nope and she closed her computer but her computer didn't shut all the way and I was like are you reading a book and she's like yeah and I'm like aren't you always complaining that you don't have enough time to do anything and you're so overworked like are you sitting there reading a fiction book and she was sitting there reading a fiction book in front of her computer. So I go back to in all of these circumstances of people that eventually banded together, they were acting like fucking children and the reality is I should have fired them sooner. I should have had stronger boundaries but I I don't I love people like the parts of their personality that I loved I love those parts of their personality.

SPEAKER_01 48:54

I wanted it to work one of the and it's hard when your like brand and your personality are kind of like intertwined and then you end up your employees your students become friends like I think it becomes this a slippery slope because people do put you on those pedestals and and that was like I'll be completely transparent when I was in kind of the booty community doing the 300 hour teacher training like that was one of the turn off things for me was like looking at people in these position like it was just it's yucky like it's just it's why I walked away from yoga for so long because like I don't buy into this like guru like give me all of your money I'll give you all of the answers to life kind of transactional relationship. So gross it is it is well it's so gross and ironically never once have I ever done that that's right that's so the opposite of what's what you talked about in the episode is like the oftentimes those leaders that are not cults that get like kind of um fingerpointed at them that they are cult they put themselves in a position of power but they didn't ask for the like admiration or to be like to be like followed to be like disciples of the thing.

Functional Movement And Somatic Focus

SPEAKER_00 50:13

Our whole booty core values are all built around trying to prevent that but inevitably there are certain people that even if you say it, they're gonna do it anyways right because that's that's ultimately how they're wired. And that's what I go through a lot in that episode on projection psychology because it has everything to do with nervous system regulation. And I have empathy for it. I don't think that they're consciously trying to be bad guys. I I think that they are really hurting and as I even say on the podcast even though a lot of these people are actively trying to hurt me I still have empathy for them because it would be way harder to be them than to be me. Like I if I'm quiet my mind is quiet. I don't deal with negative self-talk I don't like I don't struggle with those sort of mechanisms. I'm like firmly rooted in reality probably so much so that I probably read as a little bit more cold or emotionless because I I I don't I don't experience highs and lows. It's just it's not how I'm wired praise the Lord. I think people misunderstand that sometimes right because they they look at you and try to scan your body language and decide what you're thinking right and I think often people will label something in me that if they just ask like hey what's going on with you and I answered they'd be like oh that is literally nothing like what I had just assumed you were probably thinking because some people immediately assume that it's about them like you're mad at me you're gonna fire me right there there's always like a reflex back to self. And to be honest with you I'm even if you're actively attacking me I'm probably not thinking about you. I'm probably it for me I it's just the reality it is so hard to hurt my feelings at this point. In 2019 that was not the case I was shattered that was like one of the worst traumas I've ever experienced in particular because the person that I thought was my best friend for four years was very much involved in it. That was really hard and you know to if I look back I am so grateful that that happened because my life and my business and everything changed for me in the best possible ways from that my biggest mistake was letting some of those people back in to ultimately spread the web again and do it again. And I want to bring up one other thing because I I kind of talked about the one that basically was like I'm hijacked I'm so sorry. And I was kind of explaining that we were in the middle of this contract negotiation and because I want to go back to that because this is really I think really important. So going back to that right I I had said you give me what you want I'll turn into legal language I'll give it back to you and at that point she kind of splintered and was like I don't want to do this and I'm like okay I didn't change anything so do you want to at least have a conversation about it then we get to that point and as we're talking it becomes really clear that her biggest issue is how can I be myself and be a creator in this thing that I want to create and then simultaneously love and still teach booty. And you could tell that that was causing a very clear psychological mechanism called splitting where it was like if she let herself think about one too much, she literally have to like flip and turn on it. She couldn't she couldn't both be a creator on her own and also simultaneously love booty because there was a part of her that for whatever reason I'm not in this person's head somehow it might make her feel like she was a fraud or activate some sort of insecurity but I kept telling her like hey you can you can teach booty you don't have to teach booty you can be on the platform you don't have to be on the platform it was like that ended up being the thing that kept causing this fracture and two things can be true at once and we have a very hard time and I've talked about it on this podcast before we have a very hard time and grappling with that as humans. Yeah and I think for her because she would explain this to me she felt like she couldn't have that thing and then still be known for her thing only right and I think this is a really key piece. It's like that comes back to ego right how can I be this and then still teach this other thing without being known for both booty and this other thing because I want to just be known for me. That comes back to this sort of self-centered ego driven thing that I think ultimately is part of the problem. Example with me with booty I how many times I've been like I am not booty like I don't want to be booty booty is everybody please don't put this on me I don't want that um I I have always said like I'm the caretaker of this practice and when it's not my time to caretake it I will pass it on to the next person that's supposed to caretake it. But I don't want it to be about me at all never have hate it. It's not not the person that I am and for me I my whole career path is in the mental health field. Like I have no desire to I love teaching booty I love practicing if I don't put a workout up on the platform people still start to revolt if it goes longer than four weeks. But I don't have any desire to be that person. So I don't I from a personal standpoint I've never experienced that but I but I've seen that in people from a from a mental health perspective and it's it's fairly common with everything that we're talking about. And I think with that particular person as we're kind of still trying to navigate through then it came time to we're gonna do this where we had planned a photo shoot. I had put together the whole Pinterest board for the photo shoot sent it to her like we're good. We got a photo shoot booked convention was coming and up to this point everything seemed like it was all good. And at this point I didn't know that she had also been shit talking us at trainings that she was leading for that whole like year and a half I didn't find out about this till after but then it comes time for we're like a week out from convention and photo shoot and I get a text message it's like is this even happen like is this even happening like I don't I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. And I was like what are you I'm confused I sent you the Pinterest board here's the shot list you're slated to go in between this part and this part of the shoot like what what am I missing here? And it was kind of the same sort of like non nonsensical just kind of like fear stuff that didn't really make any sense. And this was really the final conversation I had with this person and again going back to I finally learned how to have boundaries my exact response to her was I love you. I know that you're tired and you haven't gotten to spend a lot of time with your family lately. I need you I'm gonna give you one hour to sit with this and and think about if you really want to come do this photo shoot in convention because I'm telling you right now I don't have the emotional bandwidth to do this with you all week. I have to focus on convention I have to focus on these other photo shoots. I love you I want to do this but I am not going to do this push-pull thing anymore. We're either doing it or we're not doing it because I can't emotionally babysit you anymore. But I do love you and I respect that you're tired. I've never heard from that person ever again. So if that sort of loving boundary is going to be the splinter for all of this, then I suppose so be it. I wish that person well as I said I know they are a creative genius in their own right but this is a person that came back once again and said busy I'm so sorry I don't know how I did this to you. It's the same, it's the same loop. So now I can never let that person back into my life again because this is until they focus on healing that side of them they will always be a danger to me but they will be a danger to any other strong in particular I think female leader that they choose to get around because if that person tries to get into another business partnership like it is a ticking time bomb. So good luck. And unfortunately that is the case with a lot of what we're dealing with is that business relationships for people that are a part of this and starting this that will snowball effect they can't they're going to take their problems with them unfortunately and it's a sad reality and I hope it is always my hope that through something like this people choose to maybe look in the mirror and be like what can I do differently how can I heal this I I can say wholeheartedly what I have learned from this which you know a lot of these people have been in my life for like almost 10 years. So these aren't like recent people that have come into my life and it's like oh fuck me I guess I still haven't learned forever ago that's the hard thing. It's like these people are not only working for you working with you they're also your friend and that and but sometimes I think more often than not what I have seen some of these people were my friends but some of these people wanted to be my friends and felt like I didn't be my friends. Yeah. Right because I think that that's a really big one is one of the people that really kicked off this last psycho psycho fracture when they sat down with me the these were this was the conversation that was had because I was just like hey why don't you just sit down and talk to me one of the things that she brought up was you know when you come into work and you're in a bad mood you just you know you just go up to your office and you keep to yourself but like we can all feel you downstairs. And I was like okay help me understand that one what would you prefer I do if I'm in a bad mood do you want me to come take my bad mood out on you where you are is that what do you what is the alternative there? And she's like well I don't know but we can feel it from downstairs. And I was like well here's the deal I own the company I can't call in sick right there's no I can't like calm about be like I've got the black lung today. Like I just have to soldier through it and go to work right so my desire from where I I'm aware enough to know if I've been traveling for days and I'm burnt out and I had to stay up late with my babies if I get into work and I'm not my like happy regulated self, I am going to keep myself the hell away from you. And it will be for your good you know that's why I've done it. So for somebody like that to be in like their little mommy's ignoring me, maybe she's mad at me, that is not my problem and I cannot as a business owner be responsible for that sort of emotionality. If me pulling myself away from you so that you don't have to experience my bad mood is something I'm still going to get in trouble for, then you shouldn't work for me ever. And I also don't know us there's no other solution because I can't just magically not be tired. I can't just magically I'm a human being right I am not a God. But with that one too I also push back and this was one that I think there it was a disruptor moment. I was like you know did you ever consider that maybe you could have come to me and been like hey is there anything we can do for you like do you need a hug? Because you know what you know many people come to me and ask me if I'm okay or if they can help me fucking zero zero people people don't ever come to me and say are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you it's take take take take take busy's mad at me busy's in a bad mood why doesn't anyone in these moments I would go right to that person be like hey is there anything I can do for you are you okay do you want to talk about something do you need to go for a walk do you need to go smoke a cigarette like I if if anyone knew my actual love language if I were in a moment like that and they came up to my office and they'd like whipped out a pack of American spirits busy want to go for a walk? I probably would have laughed and been like okay I'm gonna snap out of it now. But people if you're for people like that that want to be the victim they're too selfish to look at you and say can I do something for you? These people don't the people that have all turned on me not one time have they ever seen me hurting and asked if there's something they can do for me. It's all taking and I'm at a point in my life where I can now praise the Lord actually speak about this openly because before I was afraid of like I don't want like I already knew they're emotionally volatile I'm just gonna like tiptoe around them. I don't want to piss them off I don't want to deal with what happened last time. But now I'm in a whole I'm on a whole other level baby. I don't care anymore. You've already done it so yeah so like me trying to tiptoe around it has done nothing except delay. So screw it.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:57

Yes these public fractures like how do they create opportunities and how you've run and how like if you were to redesign and redesign the system from scratch today knowing what you know now like what would you do differently to prevent these kinds of um like over dependent relationships.

Creativity, Ego, And Splitting

SPEAKER_00 1:02:22

Oh yeah first of all Angel the screen kind of like split can you put it back on full screen for me for a second um sorry I'm like the way our studio is set up I'm far away from the camera and I know you don't edit so if you can just I don't use video either so oh okay great so then yeah it's not as big of a deal. Not right now anyway. So number one and this is why I brought up that a lot of these people are from a long time ago. So it's like the issues themselves are still ever present in my life but they're technically not new mistakes that I've made which I I highlight for a specific reason because from where I am now that I know what I know with brain pattern mapping and the BPM technology all of these people have the same exact brain pattern type and I can see it. And actually some of them for what it's worth like have taken it so I can I can literally see it. So now I just would never allow this into my organizations ever again. Does that mean that you know I would prevent people from being booty instructors or whatever? No, of course not but this has more to do with if I'm going to let somebody into like the higher corporate structures corporate structures where you're working with me, I would just never let people like that near me again. This has been a lot of learning lessons and the other thing is you know because I brought up this thing where that particular person brought up the thing about like well when you're in a bad mood you just like stay up in your office and we can still feel you they also were like and you play favorites and like you're friends with this person, that person, like you don't ever invite me to dinner and like you don't ever hang out with me. And in that moment I I was like I you and I because I can be honest and blunt which surely also does not go well with certain people but I do it in a I'm trying to do it in a compassionate way right because I at this point in my life like lying is also not on the table for me. I don't have much in common with this particular person. And from the outset the energy of this person toward me has always been like frankly very scary. At one point they were like you're like my Barbie and I'm like I'm not I'm not like your Barbie which is why on my podcast I jokingly was like I'm like two shakes away from being a dude like not only am I not a Barbie like I am very much in my masculine I just happen to have blonde hair like I'm I'm not that and nor do I ever want to be that in this particular person the very first time they came to film for us they left really mad because in their mind they had built up like what filming for booty was going to be this kind of goes back to that same like imagination projection. They decided what it was going to be like and when they got there and it wasn't like what they wanted and they left they felt personally attacked and I'm like no one ever promised that to you that wasn't that's like not how we do things you made that up in your head you can't hold us responsible for something that you literally imagined in your mind.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:16

Do you think all of these things because you said like most of your work now is in the mental health sphere and do you think all of these little like experiences have kind of like shifted you towards that path toward mental health?

Friendship, Envy, And Workplace Dynamics

SPEAKER_00 1:05:30

Yes. Well I mean I think mental this is why from the very outset of booty I always jokingly said that I am the most unlikely candidate in the whole world to have ever become a celebrity trainer. Like that was so ironic and made no sense whatsoever but it just goes to show whatever God has designed for your path kind of will will happen whether you're technically qualified for it or not. Because I actually historically like I hate working out I I really Don't like working out. I've always had to do it because I was a competitive athlete, but I always did it with a major chip on my shoulder and was always low-key enraged at the person that was trying to make me do the things that I was doing. So it was an ironic turn of events. But I think big picture for something new to kind of come into the world and to kind of grow the way that it did, it takes somebody who has really strong work ethic, who's got a really thick skin, who is not gonna care with people being mad. And in fact, like for me, the more mad people are to some extent, or the more somebody tells me I can't do something, the more I'm like, oh yeah, say that one more time, right? Which has motivated me well in my sports career, right? Like the more somebody would kind of count me out, the more I'd actually rise to the occasion. So I'm actually not somebody, I'm actually very conflict avoidant in general, naturally, not anymore. Now I just deal with it head on. But I'm naturally more conflict avoidant when it comes to like communication conflict and things personal. But if somebody believes that I can't do something, like just knowing that they're counting me out, there's a part of me that gets real riled up to show them that they grossly misunderestimated me. So that has served me well. But I think when it comes to this whole celebrity trainer versus mental health, I think really like my personal destiny was always with break method and mental health, and that booty was something that I needed from a physical place to heal my body and to kind of like start the ball rolling. But from doing booty and like going out and teaching yoga teacher trainings, that was where I first started to put all the pieces together. So it was like really when I was teaching a lot of the energetic anatomy. And I don't know if you know this, but early on in my life, I went to acupuncture school, and part of what we learned in acupuncture school was five elements, acupuncture. So I had already been really immersed in the whole world of energetic anatomy and emotions and how different physical structures in the body and energies correspond with emotions and mental health. So like I'd already been in that for so long, but I don't think that like the spark for break happened when I was like deeply invested in teaching Buddha yoga teacher trainings all the time. And I got into a kind of constructive-ish argument with my friend MC one day when we were at a coffee shop in Malibu. And that was the first time I ever drew the Eli triangle, and it just started to kind of like pour out of me out of nowhere. So I really think big picture, that was my destiny. And I think if I look back, I think there were actually some opportunities because I think ultimately we all have free will all the time. And there are times that I look back and I'm like, oh, that was an interesting choice. I wonder what had happened if I had done this instead of that. And I think there were some really clear opportunities for me to actually sell booty to the right person at the right time. And interestingly enough, that happened like right, I had an opportunity before the time that I did eventually sell it. And I walked away from it because they wanted to have me step in as the CEO of their bigger company. And part of the reason that I wanted to walk away was because I just wanted to be like done to focus on my own stuff, anyways. And looking back, probably what I was, you know, air quote supposed to do was to still do that deal, but just to push harder on the not being the CEO angle. But I think at that point, I just, I don't know, path of least resistance. I was like, nope, that's not for me. And then ended up doing, I think, a deal that was absolutely not the deal I was supposed to be doing based on over the years how it went and how it dragged me through court for a long time. Um, but I think big picture, we all have decisions to make. And I think at that moment, I probably was supposed to just go all in on break and just really make a clean separation, but that it didn't happen. And here we are, and I I love booty and I will always love to practice booty and all those things. And booty really is much more of like a primal movement, functional movement practice. And I know that you're still very aligned with yoga. I I felt inauthentic even having us lead yoga teacher trainings anymore because I just I'm as a Christian, and this is, I think a lot of people take a, I think a far more divisive perspective on it than I do. I'm not like all things like this are demonic. I and I did a whole teaching on this. I don't know if you got to see it, but I it was like the root, the roots of yoga and like why some people claim that yoga is demonic. And I understand fundamentally where some of those claims are coming from, and I do break those down in the webinar. And I think fundamentally there's a lot of truth to what they're saying because I really do as a Christian believe that yoga in its original form came from the fallen angels, and it was information and tools that were given to human beings outside of God's ordained time for us. And I think plenty of those things exist in esoteric medicines around the world. So, example would be like, do I think that there are truthful elements in traditional Chinese medicine and in Ayurveda and yoga? Of course, there are, there are going to be truthful elements in there, but I think the way that it was packaged and delivered was given to us in a timing that we potentially weren't ready for it and we weren't ready to not use it as a weapon against ourselves and others. So I think for that reason, I totally understand where people are coming from with like the yoga's demonic sort of claim, because I think it does have dark origins of how it originally came to us. But from my position, to me, the most, the most dangerous and I think demonic aspect of yoga, like as an actual practice, is the practice of more self-realization and trying to get yourself to kind of a state of enlightenment or godlike state. And that to me is the number one reason why I don't identify with yoga. We've taken everything related to yoga out of it because I have always seen Buddhi as a very Holy Spirit-led practice. And to me, it's about having faith and be feeling supported by God. And I've this is sometimes I don't, I don't, at the time, I didn't know where the conviction was coming from. And I think people often saw it as judgmental, but I see now that God was just kind of covering me, like even when I didn't know better at certain phases, because I've mantras and chanting and all that have never been allowed in booty. There are certain things that I've just like full-blown, like this is not allowed in here. We don't do it. And back then, I don't think because I didn't know what I know now, I know now why that wasn't allowed. And at that time, it was just like a conviction of like, nope, this is not for us. So there are certain things that I've always kept out of it. But I think the other thing that I have always said from day one in every training that I've personally led is it is a gift to be a human in a human body and to try to seek ways to like meditate out of it or escape out of it is like giving the middle finger to your creator. And I have said that every time. I firmly believe that. I think learning how to fully trust and submit to God so that you can truly be led by the Holy Spirit, that is, I think, the best way to lead your life. And I absolutely feel that in the practice of booty. And that is why for me, yoga as a whole, I think it does leave a lot of open doors. I think that it is a practice for many people that is of service to self rather than a submission to God. And that for me is the main reason why I don't associate with it personally. Um, but I also don't think, for example, that like simply standing in a tree pose, you're like welcoming demonic entities. I think that's that's a stretch for me. Um, I do believe in demonic entities, but I don't think simply a physical position is letting that in. I think it comes from more emotional, motivational, intentional places rather than just a physical body position. And I think it's a huge tangent.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:57

I know, but I I appreciate it. And I think it's like something that I'm personally going through right now too, because I love the movement of yoga and some of the yogic principles, but same, like I I've never done the chanting or the mantra or like any of that stuff. It's never resonated with me.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:15

Um, so I just that stuff really does that stuff does really open doors on purpose, if you catch my drift.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:22

Yeah, no, I agree. I mean, I agree. I'm yeah, I mean, I grew up, I've talked about it on the podcast before, and I don't know if you know this, but I grew up very, very Catholic. I went to Catholic school my whole life for 12 years. I have studied the Bible inside and out um like every day for 12 years, and beating it into your head will definitely do that to you. So when I became like graduated high school and was older, I was constantly on the seeking journey of like, okay, this dogmatic Catholicism like didn't feel quite right. And I think that's how I got pulled into kind of the new age, the yoga. And I went like completely the opposite way of like being atheist and like, oh, there's nothing, and now being older and wiser and like seeing some shit and being like you say, being going around the block a couple of times, I see that like we've intentionally been led astray because there's power in that and coming back to your convictions and like you said, being led by the Holy Spirit, I think it's uh it's something you can't put into words, but you can see the evolution of how things need to go to kind of get you God's like putting you back on on track.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:41

Yep, I totally agree. And I think you know, I this is something that I've I've struggled with, and I know that people there are a couple people who have kind of been intentionally judgmental about this that I feel like have kind of left and like left under more of like a yoga's demonic, I'm a Christian, we don't do that, um, kind of under those circumstances. Um, for what it's worth, even for those people, there was something that happened before that. So there's that part about too. Um, but I think in those cases, I think sometimes that can, at least my personal opinion is I feel like that can also do harm. And I feel like this goes back to this whole sort of what really does make a cult leader. And one of the things I put forth as a hypothesis is anyone who's like, this is the way it is. And if you question it, then you're evil or you're going to hell or you're you're a demon or whatever. I feel like anytime somebody does something that's like that, that to me is a flag. As a teacher, as somebody who leads anything, the only thing I will ever give you is either this is what I believe, this is why I believe it. Um, do you have to do your own research? Do you go do your own digging? This is my best hypothesis. I none of us will know for sure until the day that we die. And I feel like anyone who doesn't present information in that way should probably be pretty red flaggy to you. Um, and I think big picture, you can tell the heart of a person with are they sowing seeds of division or unity? Division is they're bad and I'm good. Or if you ask questions, then you're bad too, right? Where that that is all very division-oriented. If you're a loving, heart-centered, forgiving person who actually ultimately just wants the best for people, you want to have conversations. You don't go out of your way to speak poorly of other people, you don't go gossip and slander. Like these are those are all the actions of somebody who has some really deep wounds that, like I said, I I feel I feel empathy for them because that would be a really hard way to look at all to have that change and that lasting change and for us to all kind of elevate as a a species.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:59

I think we have to have these hard conversations and get curious. And um, yeah, so I like appreciate you being here and having this conversation. And you can see the evolution of this in your work right now. So um yeah, I appreciate this conversation.

Mental Health Path And Break Method

SPEAKER_00 1:18:17

Yeah, I'm I'm glad that we had this conversation. There's I'm sure a lot more to it as well. Yeah, but I think the big picture, this is what I will say, because uh you seem to be potentially a a a bridge, if you will, or like somewhere in the in the midst of the the chaos. When somebody comes to me and says, you know, hey, when you because this this happened to me, somebody was like, at that training, when I made that mistake, what you said to me was was really mean. And I was like, I'm really sorry. What what was it that I said to you? There was one instance, for example, where um we'd all been on the same page about what the playlist requirements were, and they were like, okay, I'm gonna go handle this group, and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna go handle this group. And then when I went to go listen to the playlist, they were like not at all matching what I thought we had already discussed. So when they started playing it, I'm like, hey, didn't I'm confused? Didn't we already talk about this? Like, what happened here? That literally was what I said was like, I'm confused what happened here. Apparently had a very judgmental look on my face when I said it. But then they walked away and they're like, I'm gonna fix it. I'm so sorry. And apparently that was like the meanest thing I've ever done in my whole life was say that. So, in a circumstance like that, I'm gonna hear that and be like, I'm so sorry. That I I did not intend to do that. I wasn't, if my eyebrows looked a certain way, I meant just the words that I said, which were, I thought we talked about this, I don't understand how this happened. So I think big picture, using that as an example for everyone that is involved in this, it behooves you as a human being. If you really care about people, you want people to be healthy and healed, and you want to be on the right path spiritually and right with God. Like you said, get curious. Maybe be open to having a conversation and maybe considering that you interpreted something that maybe the other person didn't intend. And if you brought it to that person, you might get information that helps you see a bigger context so that you can actually settle things in and feel healed by it. Because I'm telling you right now, everything that's happened could easily be healed with like a few conversations, but those people would have to be willing to take some ownership of their side of the street too. Anyone that's ever brought something to me about like busy or mean, the first thing I always say is, I'm so sorry. I I really am. I I'm a human. Sometimes I'm tired. Sometimes I one, this was one another one. So I've literally known this person for eight years. And what they brought to me was this one time that I dropped an F-bomb that wasn't even actually at them. It was like on a Zoom meeting. And I was like, wait, so you're you're saying that I'm a false teacher because this one time I F-bombed the group as a whole. How long have you known me? Eight years. I'm like, don't you think? I would say once in eight years, like I will take that ratio every day because I am a human. And literally, it went something like this. I had gone out of my way the week before to make sure that something was like really buttoned up and like tried to be really clear about how I want it done. We come around to the next staff meeting, and somebody, I didn't know it was this particular person, had undone everything that I had just done, like literally did the exact opposite in a subversive, seemingly intentional way. So when I found out about it, I'm like, what the fuck? Like, I don't understand. I was so clear about this last week. Why the fuck would somebody do that? So I wasn't even saying it to that person. It was literally like a what the fuck at the world. And that was one of the things they brought to me as being a false teacher. So I say this as if you want to come to the table and have a conversation, I am always open. If I hurt your feelings, I will always be the first to say I'm so sorry. But you also have to be open to the fact that I might not have intended to hurt your feelings. And sometimes me saying, I'm sorry if that hurt your feelings, can you also see where that wasn't necessarily tied directly to you or where you actually did something that maybe you didn't warrant an F you, but maybe it did warrant some like, I'm really sorry. I did kind of go around your back and do that. Those are the conversations that I would love to be able to have. And I think that's what's required for us to all move out of this. So just leaving this with I'm a very loving and forgiving person. And it is my desire to only have like unity and peace throughout all of the all of the schisms. All of the land, all of the land and all of the schisms. I don't operate in scarcity. I want everyone to thrive in whatever they do. And even as I said with that one person, I'm like, I can, we don't have to do this together. I can just be your friend and like hype you up as your friend. I mean that wholeheartedly. I want everyone to thrive. I have more than enough. I don't, I don't, I'm not like a miserly person that wants to prevent people from doing things, but I you will be required to be an emotionally intelligent adult that comes to the table to have some deeper conversations and forever for whoever is willing to have those conversations, I'm always 100% on board.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:58

Yeah. And I think, I mean, bringing it back, and what we can leave it at this after um after this, but um like one of the reasons why you do and bringing it just into like booty and training and uh furthering your education, being a teacher, you open yourself up to those constructive criticisms. That's why you're there. That's why you're there. And I I can see it actually doing the booty 200-hour teacher training and the 300-hour teacher training really took my teaching to the next level because I had to be open to be like, okay, this is the way you're doing it. There's an opportunity here, and this is like just what we're seeing. But that's why I was there. And yeah, at first, like you do want to be like, oh, but I was actually a good teacher before, so I'm taking this a little bit personally because what if I'm not perfect?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:50

Yeah, I think we all, every single one of us have growth opportunities, and I think big picture, you really just have to be honest about your real intentions. Like, are your intentions for truth and unity, or are your intentions some way self-serving and more like self-protective? Because I think I I know you, and I I really value that you can be a bold, strong voice and kind of be in between lands, if you will. And you can only do that if you have strong metacognition and you just are not one to take things emotionally. So I think this is a big opportunity for people to learn and grow. And if I have to be on the chopping block for something like that to happen, it won't wouldn't be the first time it's happened. So that's probably won't be the last. No, I'm but I I am getting better about weeding, weeding the garden. So hopefully it'll be the last like this.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:45

And having those strong boundaries, game changer, man.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:49

Yeah, it's kind of I'm kind of loving it. I'm gonna, I'm gonna keep it right here. And I've also encouraged the people close to me to really just slap me in the face if I ever try to, you know, be like, but but but but they said they changed. Nope. No, no, no, they all have permission to literally slap me in the face to actually, and then also bring me an American spirit. And now slap me in here. Now calm down.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:15

And now it's uh in the ethers, so they have to hold you to it because now it's said out out loud, it's online. Absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:21

That's the other thing, right? Is you have to just declare. And I really mean what I said. I any single person who is wrapped up in this who wants to have a real conversation, I'm a hundred percent on board. The one thing I will say is, girl, you'd be a great mediator. So if you ever want to mediate any of these sad conversations, I'm game. Okay, I'll take you up on that. All our after girl.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:45

Um, so if listeners want to dive in more on the podcast that we were talking about, where can they find that?

SPEAKER_00 1:25:52

So you can go on either YouTube or any podcast format. It's called Decoded Unlock the Secrets of Human Behavior and Emotion. Uh, it's typically top three in mental health and top five in health and fitness. So it's crushing it right now. It's super fun. I do it weekly. And the episodes always do build on each other. So sometimes that frustrates people, but I think it probably drives our engagement because you have to go back. You have to go back to go forward. Um, I do try to give little sprinklings of recaps, or like if I'm teaching about something where you really have to fundamentally understand one tool to get the other, I try to sprinkle that in there. But um I would say for those of you that are just tuning in now, episodes that are definitely worth it are the um Angel, what's the the projection power and like something of personal responsibility? I feel like collapse of personal responsibility, that one I would start with and then go from there to kind of the gaslighting episode and then to the um the cults and then the one that just came out yesterday, which is the psychology of projection.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:56

Awesome. Thank you so much for being here and having this conversation today. Thank you. Anytime? Yeah, I was uh everyone was like, Are you sure are you going to the lion's den? I was like, No, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:07

That's what's so sad about all this. It I can't tell you how many times people have been, and this is like I have no skin in the game. So I don't I am like when somebody does something wrong, I don't yell. I'm not, I'm not like a scream, like none of that. And usually people are like, I and one of these people that we've talked about a lot today, they're always like, I always forget that you're so nice. And I'm like, I'm not a mean person. Like the idea that I would be going into the lion's den is actually like it's it's kind of ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:35

Well, thank you so much for being here. And thank you all for tuning in to today's episode of the Nearly Enlightened Podcast. If this conversation resonated with you, I would love it if you shared it, left a review, or reach out and let me know your thoughts. And if you're looking for more ways to deepen your connection to body, mind, and spirit, check out my Meditate to Elevate Guided Meditation portal or visit nearlyenlightened.com for more resources. Until next time, stay curious, stay connected, and remember the answer. answers already lie within.