Survival To Secure with Sheena Cesaroni

n this episode of the Nearly Enlightened Podcast, I sit down with Sheena Lee Cesaroni — a U.S. Air Force veteran, psychology-educated coach, podcast host, public speaker, and mom who rebuilt her life from the ground up after trauma, PTSD, and years of hyper-independence that looked like strength on the outside but felt like constant fight-or-flight on the inside.

We get real about the empath–narcissist relationship dynamic and why it can feel like fate when it’s actually familiar nervous system wiring. Sheena breaks down the spectrum of narcissism, the warning signs behind love bombing and control, and why so many women get stuck trying to “fix” someone so they can return to the version they first met.

From overgiving to losing your identity, we map the patterns that keep repeating until you name them, take ownership, and choose something different. Because healing isn’t about blaming the past — it’s about building awareness and learning how to respond instead of react.

Then we shift into practical healing — the real, everyday work of rebuilding self-trust and creating emotional safety in your body and your relationships. We talk about nervous system regulation tools like breathwork, yoga, nature, and sound… and how consistency, accountability, and self-awareness become the foundation for secure love.

Sheena also shares what “secure” looks like in real life:
 a relationship where you feel both peaceful and powerful —
 where boundaries are clear, trust is steady, and interdependence becomes possible.

This conversation is for anyone who is tired of survival mode, ready to break old patterns, and willing to rewire what they believe they deserve.

Because healing isn’t about becoming someone new —
 it’s about coming home to yourself and building a life that feels safe to live in.

In This Episode, We Talk About:

•  Why empaths and narcissists often collide 
•  The nervous system patterns behind relationship cycles 
•  Love bombing, control, and falling for potential 
•  Hyper-independence as a trauma response 
•  Moving from victim stories to accountability and real change 
•  Reacting vs. responding in conflict 
•  Emotional safety and secure relationships 
•  Daily practices that rebuild self-trust 
•  What secure love actually feels like in your body 
•  How to shift from survival mode to self-led living 

Connect & Continue the Conversation

Follow and learn more from Sheena Lee Cesaroni here:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sheenacesaroni/

Listen to my guest appearance on:

 The Mindset Radio Podcast 

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Transcript

Welcome And Sheena’s Rebuild Story

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Welcome to the Nearly Enlightened Podcast, a high vibe toolbox designed to help you connect to your body, mind, and spirit. I'm your host, Gianna Gerusso, and I'm here to share tools, conversations, and insights to help you on your journey of self-discovery. This podcast is all about exploring what it means to live a conscious, connected, and nearly enlightened life, because the truth is the answers aren't outside of ourselves. They're already within. Let's dive in. Today I'm joined by Sheena Kesseroni, a US Air Force veteran, psychology educated coach, podcast host, public speaker, and mother who built rebuilt her life from the ground up. After surviving losing her mother at 15, surviving war, cult conditioning, PTSD, two failed marriages, and years of hyperindependence, Sheena reached a breaking point at 33 that forced her to completely rebuild her identity. Through two years of intensive therapy, psychology study, and deep personal work, she developed a lived understanding of healing, secure love, and personal transformation. Today she helps women move beyond survival mode, rebuild their identity, and create strong, secure partnerships that support family, legacy, and long-term success through her work with the secure woman method. Sheena, I'm so honored to have you here today. Welcome.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Thank you so much. That was an awesome edification. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

Isn't it so great hearing your bio from somebody else? It's like, yeah, fuck, I did that. Hey, that's me. Yeah, you put the hard work in, and like now, this is the place to celebrate it.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

For real. I I love that. And actually, it's one thing that I love about aging is you know what? After a lot of time, you finally have the accolades that build up to the person that you've become. So it took a lot of years to be able to say everything that you just said in within my bio. That wasn't an overnight success type of deal. So here we are.

Gender Roles And Healthy Partnership

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Yes. And this podcast is like the perfect place for that because this has really been like my lived testament. Like this podcast is like, I think in May, it'll be five years old. And so it's really been a testament to my journey. And I've had like a similar, I think we've talked about this offline before, but like I've had a similar journey. And if you haven't listened, I met Sheena and her husband Michael through their podcast, the Mindset Radio podcast. I was on their podcast in February. So if you haven't listened to that, go check it out. I'll link it in the show notes. That was like a great conversation. And that's where I really like I fell in love with both of you.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

Thank you very much. It was it was a mutual feeling.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Part of it was because of your relationship. Like, I just think it's so cool that you like, you know, I think society today, there's a lot of man hate and like this talk around toxic masculinity and like all this stuff. And I think we're like swinging the pendulum in the opposite direction. So it was so nice to see a couple that like works together and that loves each other. And it was just like so nice to be around.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Thank you very much. You know, it's it's definitely a societal thing that we're going through as women and men because, you know, for decades there was a specific role for men and women. Women stayed in the household, men they went out to work, and then there was no talk of divorce. Women couldn't even drive. So over the last 20, 50 years, we've had different situations that have made women different. So we were able to start driving. We were able to start uh voting for who we thought would fit our our bodies and minds and souls. And then throughout that transition, just like any transition in life, you're gonna have people that are on one side of the spectrum and the other side of the spectrum and everyone in between. So feminism came into play throughout those times, which is an extreme, which created a woman that said, I don't need a man, I can do everything by myself. I'm the one I can have babies without men. I can just go and get sperm. And what's the purpose of a man? So with that mentality, you saw a lot more divorces, you saw a lot more single families, you saw even if I dare say, you saw a lot more women that became lesbians from that from that identity as well. So what happens is when things are too far to one side, either or, then you have to find groups of people that can come into the center and just kind of reevaluate what's happening and reestablish what really is healthy in relationships.

Why Empaths Attract Narcissists

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Yeah, I agree. I agree. And I think now too, there's like I'm gonna be 35 in June, and I'm in a place where I'm dating. Like, I like I think part of the reason why I loved you so much was because I was like, oh my God, look at this couple. Like, they're doing it. This is like my dream. It's possible to have like this healthy dynamic in somebody that you could completely trust. And I know it was a little bit of a journey for you as well. And like one of the things that I want to talk about is the empath narcissist relationship and why they're like fucking magnets for one another. Because that's like what resonated from some of your posts with me was I went through like a very similar thing where it was like I'm an ex an empath. I'm probably like on the hyper sensitive side of empath, uh empathic tendencies, and I had a very tumultuous 15-year roller coaster of a relationship with the narcissist. And it's like it's something that like came to a head last year and that I've been through, but now I'm in this place where I'm healthy and like I want to have this healthy relationship with somebody who can hold their own, but also wants to come together. And that's really important for me because I have a great family unit and I just want to keep that growing and I want to like pass those values down. So I love that you guys are a blended family that are that you're doing it.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

Yeah. And you know what? You you hit on a lot of very important parts there. And the real problem is high-performing women, they're successful everywhere, and it's almost except for in love. And so they're dependent, but they're exhausted. And then they it goes back to that thought process of I don't need a man, but they deeply want that partnership. So to touch on narcissism, that word has been a hot, hot topic for about five years now. It's been really explored, and that that comes from psychology. And we have to remember too that psychology is a science that is just now being recognized as legit, so which is crazy to me because if you think about it, what controls our body, our brain? So, to me, what I would think is psychology and neurology, the study of the brain and how it works, should be the focus of everybody's life, because then it makes sense as to why an empathetic woman that is highly sensitive would want to, or not want to, but would naturally gravitate to someone that identifies as a narcissist. And again, narcissists, there's a spectrum. Spectrum, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

Yeah, some that have all the way from tendencies to full-blown personalities, full-blown, crazy.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

I just actually had a call the other day from someone from the secure woman method. She lives in Canada, and she said, I married my husband three years ago. He loved me in every way that I could possibly be wanted to love. And he gave me all the accolades that I wanted. He prov wanted to provide for me, wanted to start a family with me, told me everything I wanted to hear. And then as soon as she got pregnant, he completely changed. So he lovebombed her. And then they're at the point now where she did have a child. It's a one-year-old baby, but now she said that when he comes home from work, he's told her that she's not allowed to ask him how his day was. And as long as she doesn't talk to him, that their life will be okay. And so she's crying to me, saying, What the heck happened? Like this man was everything in the first year. He did everything right. He spent all this time with me. We cooked together, we cleaned together, we planned our life. And as soon as she had his child, that's when the true narcissism came out, where he became controlling, not loving, not empathetic at all. But she, because she is an empath, she wants to still fix him. She still thinks that she can get back to square one, where he said everything that she wanted to hear, and she still believes deep down in her heart that that was real. And unfortunately, it's not. For some people, it is a manipulative tool that they use to get what they want. So I truly believe in the power of energy. We are a physical body, but we're much more than that. So it makes sense that a narcissist is somewhat like a vampire and they latch on to people that have that God-given light that are basically like a battery. Like you and I, we're batteries to the people that we run into because we are able to see the positive. We're able to see, okay, that person may be acting like X, Y, and Z because they went through this type of trauma or or this or that. And so we're forgiving and we give them chances, and ultimately we want to save them and make them, you know, better, but it doesn't happen.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

So it's yes, and that's a tough lesson for two projectors. It people have to people have to be on their own journey and like you can hold space for it, but you can't be in love with people's potential, and sometimes like the extreme empath really can drum that up in their own mind because they do see the power of change. And if you're in this work, you see people make the choice to do that and become better every single day. So you know that it's in everyone to do that, but that individual has to want that journey, and like you can't do that for somebody.

SPEAKER_00 11:18

Right. You can't, they have to want to do it for themselves, and and there's a difference between taking the time to teach somebody how to love you and being controlling yourself. And this is something that even I'm learning every day. I think that's what's beautiful about the brain, is we're always learning new things. But but there's also certain people that have mental conditions in which no matter what, if they don't want to change and do the work, it's not gonna happen. So it's it's really not about finding the right man, it's about becoming the version of you that can sustain that right relationship because trauma creates hyperindependence and then healing creates interdependence. So maybe you're struggling with a little bit of trauma that you don't realize. So you have that, you've created that hyperindependence. But as you've started to heal, you're able to see that that person that you invested 15 years of your life with is not the person that's healed that will create your interdependence. So it's it's it's crazy. Love is crazy.

Breaking Patterns: Overgiving And Identity Loss

SPEAKER_01 12:33

Yeah, and I mean, sometimes you can even see it in in friendships. Like I've I've gone through that too, where like again, you just see people's potential and they can be like not the best people and make choices to like hurt others, and you're like, oh, well, that was a mistake, and you know, like you could be super forgiving, and sometimes you just like have to realize, like, oh, these are patterns, these are these are not things that like are gonna change unless they want to, and sometimes you just have to like remove yourself. And I think that goes towards like my next question are what are some of these patterns that you've started to notice repeating in your relationships or behaviors before you started to get set on your healing journey?

SPEAKER_00 13:25

Yeah, that's and that's a huge one too, breaking a pattern. So you have to stop chasing emotionally unavailable men, which is hard to know at first what that type of person or that man is, but that's where the research comes in. If you see yourself overgiving and then you you become resentful from that, that's another pattern that is showing yourself. Okay, this is on you, you this is something you're doing because you're you're searching for to be loved by overgiving. And then losing identity in the relationship. So so if you find yourself that you're kind of like you wake up one day and you're like, who am I? Like, what is my purpose? I've given this person everything. So breaking patterns is it's the most practical and the most powerful in order for a woman to a secure woman to stop chasing, in order for them to do that, they have to observe, they have to choose, and they have to set certain standards in that relationship.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

What was the moment in your journey that you realized the problem wasn't just like the circumstances, but they were the patterns that had been ingrained?

SPEAKER_00 14:44

That's a really good question. It took, it took really deep therapy for me to understand why I was making the decisions I was. So it also helped me get from that victim, like you feel like the victim, so that's your story. So that's your excuse as to why you did X, Y, Z, which is all true. But when you take accountability for that, that's when the change shifts. That's when you go from being being a victim to a secure woman because you're like, okay, wait a minute. Yes, I I in the past picked X, Y, and Z, which I didn't have a good outcome. So am I going to repeat that or am I going to break that cycle?

SPEAKER_01 15:33

Yeah. And that can be like the hardest work. I I talk about it on this podcast all the time, the brain rewiring and just even like the first step becoming aware, like, oh, this is a pattern. This is something that's programmed that like might not even be true.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

Yes, yeah. The sub, so I believe a lot in the subconscious mind and also the conscious mind. So, meaning the conscious mind is okay, right now you and I were in our conscious mind. We know what we're doing, but the subconscious mind is like a part of the brain that is driving us to do other things without us realizing it. So that takes a lot of control, self-control, and nervous system and identity building, you know, emotional regulation versus reacting, why you have anxious and avoidant patterns and when are they happening, and how you know that's when you can also look at yourself and you're saying you're confusing chemistry with compatibility. So those are all things that you have to be just self-aware. You have to be really aware of yourself in order to even be in another relationship.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

So when we're talking about these patterns of hyper-independence, what do they look like? Because I feel like the hyper-independent woman almost doesn't even know that she's hyper-independent until it's brought to your attention, like, oh, this is a trauma response. I know I had that experience in 20, I guess it was 2020. I had newly moved in with my now ex-boyfriend, but I was that way and I didn't realize it until I had this experience. It was when we first moved in together. I cut my foot from like the whole heel of my foot completely open, like definitely needed stitches. We were in aspen, so we were like too far away from a hospital. So just kind of like patched it up myself. But that experience made me have to lean on him in a way that I hadn't throughout our whole relationship. And he loved it to the point where it became a conversation was like, I know you're hurt. I'm really sorry, I don't want you to be in pain, but this has actually been nice because like you let me do things for you, and that was the first experience that I had of like, oh, oh, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

Yeah, that's that's interesting, especially because you said that he is narcissistic.

SPEAKER_01 18:08

So two different people, but yeah. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

So so that just did show you that you're protecting yourself for for your own reasons, and that's probably related to to any type of trauma or not feeling like you could trust somebody, but you could definitely trust yourself. So that's a that's a good point because security is what allows polarity to actually thrive. So if you're in fight or flight mode, you're going to be protecting yourself more than allowing somebody to take care of you. And it all boils down to that emotional safety. The masculine energy provides direction and the the feminine energy brings connection, but neither of those work unless there's emotional safety. And you have to allow, you have to be open to receive that emotional safety for him to come in. And it wasn't until you had physical pain that you were able to let him in. So it sometimes it takes certain certain circumstances like that in order for you to see that you're holding back. Because when I wake up in the morning, I think I'm okay. I think I, you know, I think I've got my stuff together. But maybe, maybe there's a part of me that holds back even in my marriage. And until my husband comes and says, you know, XYZ makes me feel a certain way, or I loved that we were able to do this, which we normally don't, because of it's it's communication, it's being vulnerable.

SPEAKER_01 19:54

And both being willing to do that hard work together. Definitely. For you, what was that realization of this hyperindependence pattern and how did you work to break that?

SPEAKER_00 20:07

So that started from I've been hyper-independent for a very, very long time. So when I was a child, I went through sexual abuse. So my trust for men, it stopped at a very young age. And I repeated a lot of patterns where I wanted to trust a man, but throughout my life, I just pulled back. So I got I have two failed marriages. The first one, I was 18 years old, and I had two beautiful children. My daughter, she's 23 years old, Angelina, my son Caden, he's 21 years old. But with that relationship, even being so young, I was 18. By the time I was 19, I had my daughter. By the time I was 20, I was pregnant with my son, and I had him at 21. My husband at the time, he didn't see the same things that I saw. Like I wanted to purchase a house. I wanted stability. I wanted to, I was in the medical field. I was a licensed nursing assistant, but I wanted to go to college for more. I wanted to go, you know, start as a nurse, and then I wanted to become a doctor. And for him, success looked different, and providing for family looked different. And so for me, my hyper-independence said, okay, well, if you don't want to be the man of this family, then I'm gonna join the Air Force and I'm gonna provide my children with the life that I deem fit. And after what, it's been 25 years, I've had time to reevaluate, reevaluate what I did. And in if I had allowed myself to be vulnerable and And say, listen, maybe you're the gonna be the stay-at-home dad and raise our children while I am out learning because I enjoy school and education and I want to do these certain things. Let's make this work for our children. Because what hindsight is, is you don't realize how detrimental divorce is on your children. Adults, we're able to move forward, you know, shame on us. Little tap on the hand, but our children are the ones that suffer the most. So, with that being said, I learned about myself that I was just hyper-independent. And instead of giving him a chance, or instead of going through a way to fix that solution instead of just saying, see ya, you know, I could have saved a lot of trauma in that area. So, and there's there's different examples all throughout your life that will come out where you realize, I mean, hindsight's just amazing, right? I wish we could have foresight like that, but we don't.

SPEAKER_01 23:01

Life would look a lot different.

SPEAKER_00 23:03

Oh my gosh, we'd be incredible.

SPEAKER_01 23:05

But like also those sometimes those what we deem as failures and mistakes like get us on the path or like put us to where we are. And like if you didn't go through that experience, like you wouldn't be with Michael and you wouldn't be doing like all the amazing things that you guys are doing together, and like the secure woman method might not be a thing.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

No, definitely it wouldn't have been. I mean, there that's that that is also the beauty of these lessons in life, and it's also the beauty of being a secure woman. So I was hyper-independent with problems, but at the end of the day, I feel I was still strong enough to say I want more from myself and my children, and I went out and did it. I didn't do it the right way, but like you said, I would have never made those choices throughout life, which have led me to the secure woman that I am today. And I I finally did find a man that is emotionally intelligent and who is a provider and who protects. But it took a lot of frogs in order to understand that not all men harbor those types of traits. And until your body knows that that you're in an emotionally safe relationship, you're going to be hyper-independent.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

And repeating those patterns because you're on that that nervous system roller coaster. And some of the things that we talk about that are very aligned is nervous system regulation. So, where does that come into play with the secure woman method?

SPEAKER_00 24:46

Well, I mean, it's it's pretty much number one. If your nervous system is wired for chaos, peace will feel boring and you'll sabotage it. It's just the way of it. It's I don't think any one person actually wants to sabotage a good thing. But again, this leads back to your brain and and your subconscious mind. If you don't have control over your nervous system, it's going to affect your identity. And that emotional regulation versus reacting to a situation, like I I told you in the beginning, my emotional regulation was off. So I just said peace and joined the Air Force. And so I was reacting instead of being intelligent with the situation. And so those, so the nervous system is is number one, I would say, especially if you're trying to become that secure woman.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

It's something that you've actually talked about in one of your recent posts that really stood out to me was the idea that toxic partners don't create the wound, they activate the wound that already exists. And that one kind of like that one hit me. I was like, oh, that one was for me.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

Yeah. And that, you know, that's for a lot of us. That was for me too. A lot of things that I post, it's because I have maybe once felt that way. And from that feeling, I was able to look at myself and fix it. So it's it's amazing how that how it happens like that. It's not just a mindset, it's identity work, it's nervous system work, it's behavioral standards all combined in order to change who you are. So that post, you know, it's just another reminder of hey, like we need to re-evaluate how we're feeling about this. Am I strong in this area or can I do something more that will make me feel complete?

SPEAKER_01 26:50

What are some of the nervous system regulation tools that you use that have worked for you or that you might suggest for others?

SPEAKER_00 27:02

Okay, so breath work is a huge thing. I live with anxiety. It just is a part of me. I'm hyper aware of it. I'm high functioning anxiety. And I also refuse to persuade it.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

I feel like it's part of the projector kind of it's part of the projector package, yeah, because we are so energy sensitive.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

Yes, because because when you take those, and and I can say this because I normally try things before I knock them. And when I was in the military, I did eventually try some some different medications, which you know, you can feel the difference on your body, whether it's positive or negative, but the majority of these medications numb you to the problem. So you're just putting a band-aid over what the true root of the cause is. So you have to allow your body to feel what it's feeling. So you can say, okay, wait, whoa, I just got triggered by him saying that, or by my kids kicking the soccer ball across my living room. Like, what is it that's causing that? And then you can re-evaluate. But breath work, yoga, I love, I love vibrations and frequencies. So I use YouTube a lot for different hurts, and I put my headphones on and I'm able to disconnect from my body in moments where I need that system regulation. And it's it's beautiful, but also trees. I feel like hiking is a huge thing. The ocean is a must for me. If I'm I find that in Rhode Island, I get extreme seasonal depression because I was born in California on the ocean with the sun. So for me, I know that that's if I'm out of it, it's because I need the earth, I need the sun, I need the sea salt, I need fresh air. So there's just there's so many things, but those are my go-to's.

SPEAKER_01 29:12

Yes, and I talk about it on this podcast all the time. It's like finding the tools that work for you, and what work for me might not work for you, and what work for you might not work for the other person, but this is like where to start.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

Yes, you have to start somewhere.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

Yes, and that's that that, and I think starting to become aware of the patterns, that's really the hardest part. And then once you take the steps, then everything starts to become easier. It's a little bit it kind of snowballs into one another. So you make the decision to recognize the patterns, then you start recognizing the patterns, and it's like, okay, now that I'm recognizing the patterns, like how can I change instead of reacting, how can I change it so that I'm responding from a better place?

SPEAKER_00 30:05

Yeah. And we also have to remember to give ourselves grace because just because you immediately identify with something that's triggering you, or you're able to identify a problem that needs to be art, a problem that needs to be fixed, it doesn't mean you're able to change your your habit or your pattern overnight. Some people can, and they are just incredible, but sometimes you'll see that recurring toxic part of you come up again and again and again. And unless you're with a partner that is able to see that, okay, this is where your trauma lies, and maybe you're lashing out for something that I didn't actually do or I did do, and it hurts you. You have to have a stable and a secure man in order to grow in those areas too, because forgiveness is the name of the game. Nobody's perfect.

SPEAKER_01 31:05

Yes, and that's huge. It's really, I think it's forgiveness is a really hard human thing that we go through, both self-forgiveness and forgiveness of others, because there's always that little part of you that's like, oh, but remember when?

SPEAKER_00 31:20

Yes, yes, definitely. That's our human flaw.

SPEAKER_01 31:25

So, how do you know when you're reacting from a wounded place versus like a secure place?

SPEAKER_00 31:32

For me, it's easier to see now, now that I've I've put years into actually understanding these different parts. So it's it if I'm triggered, I'll react in a way that I know I could have handled differently.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

You know immediately, as soon as it comes out, you're like, oh, why, why?

SPEAKER_00 31:56

Like, you know, it's almost like I can feel my my energy bubbling up, and then it just I just projectile vomit, whatever I'm thinking, versus taking a deep breath, counting to three, and then actually verbalizing and communicating what I mean, because that's where a lot of problems can happen too. If you are reactive, you can say some things you can't take back. And and it's unfortunate, if even if it's true, but it can be damaging.

Consistency Builds Self Trust

SPEAKER_01 32:30

Yes, that's so true. How or what are some of the daily practices that have helped you rebuild trust in yourself?

SPEAKER_00 32:42

Being consistent.

SPEAKER_01 32:44

That's a hard one for a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00 32:46

That's a lot, that's a really hard one. And I'm actually really grateful for my husband, Michael, on this one because we both believe in consistency. So we were able to both hold each other to that accountability. And having an accountability partner is, you know, being hyper-independent is great all day long. But but when you need somebody to say, hey, you're actually not doing what you said you're gonna do, that is a game changer. So for like for Michael and I, when we first met, he was 300 pounds, and I had just gotten out of a narcissistic relationship myself that was terrible. So between the two of us, the things he had gone through and things I had gone through, going to the gym every single day. Sometimes we went to the gym two, three times a day, but it created a consistency in our lifestyle that not only benefited our health, it strengthened our brains and it strengthened our relationship and communication. So just being consistent in that one area was a game changer. And then for us, social media, we we sat down on a bench and we said, listen, let's make a game plan for five years. Let's be consistent with social media for five years. If it doesn't work at the end of the five years, we'll wash our hands up it. You know, we tried as long as we're consistent. And so that's one thing that I'm very proud of both of us is even on the days where I just wanted to curl up in a ball and drink hot chocolate and pretend like you know the world didn't exist. I still had to get up and be accountable and and do what I said that I was gonna do. And so, and same with Michael. If he's he's human too, he has those days he drags himself to the computer or to the phone and he makes that content. So consistency has to be a number one thing, too.

SPEAKER_01 34:48

Yes. And there's there was also another recent post that you put up that I really loved about how in a relationship, one person has to be the brakes because if you're just constantly like zooming through life, first of all, the car is gonna crash without brakes. And sometimes you need to stop and look around and celebrate where you're at right now. And I thought that that was so profound because I think when you are an ambitious person and you have these goals set for yourself, it could be easy to lose sight of that and just keep pushing through without like stopping and celebrating. So I think that having that symbiotic relationship with someone who's secure and safe and healthy, you end up accomplishing so much more than you would when you were trying to do it all on your own.

SPEAKER_00 35:35

Absolutely. Because when you're in a relationship that's symbiotic, then you know you're you're technically going with the flow of the water. And that's the least resistance. If you're playing tug of war with somebody, then you're going a little inch here, going a little inch there, you're just wasting time. But you have to definitely both be on the same page in order to grow. And it's just yeah, you you definitely both have to be ready to be secure for each other.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

Yes. And how did you know that? So, like after all of the relationships that didn't work out and these patterns that kept showing up for you, like, how did you know that this one was the one where you could like rest in and be safe and secure?

SPEAKER_00 36:24

A lot of it it came from, so like I said in the beginning, you have to be able to identify what your problems are. And so once you know what your issues are, then you're able you're better able to see what you want in a man as well. So that's that's eliminating, it's you don't confuse chemistry with compatibility anymore once you've gotten to that nervous system regulation and you've been able to identify what what your own anxious and avoidant patterns happen to be. So when I met Michael, I was able to say he's he's different from the mistakes I've made. He has certain characteristics that are stronger than any man that I've met. You know, so I it it definitely is about being self-aware, but also being very, very aware of what you need in a relationship with a man. What kind of man do you need to feel that most love from? And it's it just takes time. It takes time and energy.

Rewiring What You Deserve In Love

SPEAKER_01 37:38

What so tell us a little bit more about the secure woman method. Like, I know it's an online course, but tell us what it is, how it will help, all the good benefits. Because you've often said that healing isn't about fixing the other person, it's about rewiring what you believe that you deserve. And I think that that is an important distinction to make because a lot of us do are like, oh, well, that person is showing up that way, and that's why I am the way that I am. But it it especially in relationship, it whether it's friendship or romantic, it just doesn't fucking work that way.

SPEAKER_00 38:12

Yeah. Well, you're right. It it doesn't. So, well, I what makes my method different is and how I decide which people to work with, is I I want to be clear that this isn't just mindset. It's you have to do identity work, you have to do nervous system work. And it had and and it you have to look at your behavioral standards and all combined into one in order to move forward. Otherwise, if you're not there, then you're just gonna go two steps forward, two steps back, you know, and it's gonna be that push-pull. And we just we don't just talk about healing, we build women into secure partners. So that really is focusing not on the man at this point. It's focusing on yourself, it's figuring out what you love. And and once you know that and how you want to be loved, then the man will make more sense when he comes into the picture. So it's really for women that are tired of repeating the same relationship patterns and they're really ready to actually do the work. And I that those are the women that I I want to work with because, like I said, nobody's perfect. And I've had lots of time to get to this point. So it this is for women who are just done surviving and they're ready to build that real partnership that will bring you to an elevated level.

SPEAKER_01 39:47

What would you say to the woman who is that person that's like exhausted from surviving? What would you say to her?

SPEAKER_00 39:54

I would say, sister, it is time to start thriving. Our lives are so precious, our lives are so short. My mom passed away when she was 36 years old, and she already had four children. And I was 15 at the time, and I actually thought to myself, well, at least she lived a long life, not knowing that 36 was such a beautifully young age with so much more time to love and live. So when you're at that point, and she was, she was at that point of exhaustion that she couldn't fight. She had pneumonia for two weeks and died. She just could not physically or mentally push through this through pneumonia. So I I say if you want to live the rest of your life to the fullest, you have to make that decision right now. And and there's gonna be good days, there's gonna be bad days, but there's gonna be more good days than bad. And life is worth living.

SPEAKER_01 40:59

Absolutely. And what does being a secure woman mean to you today?

SPEAKER_00 41:06

It means to me, that's a really good question. That's kind of a loaded one. It is very loaded because it's ever changing, it's ever evolving. But the most important part, I would say it's being in a relationship where you feel both peaceful and powerful. Like that's that's balance to me. I I'm not shrinking to feel like a stay-at-home mom that's not appreciated. I'm not trying to be more masculine than my husband. So my ego is not, well, if he can do it, I can do it and I could do it better. You know, it's just being peaceful and powerful and being totally okay and happy with that.

SPEAKER_01 41:55

And that's really important too, because you kind of sway to the side that's so masculine. And in a relationship, you can see how if you're a woman in relationship with a man, like that would be completely emasculating.

SPEAKER_00 42:11

Oh, yeah, for sure. It definitely is, especially coming from hyperdependence. It's this is a low, a secure woman from my perspective now, is a learned trait. This is something that I had to teach myself from understanding who I am and what I want. Do I want to be more masculine? Absolutely not. I want to be in my soft girl era. Like, I want, I want to just be peaceful and powerful and go to yoga and play with my kids and cook good food. Like, who wants to struggle? So if you you're done struggling and you just literally want to thrive, it's available.

Find Sheena And Share Your Thoughts

SPEAKER_01 42:51

Yes, amazing. So if somebody is like, yes, this work resonated with me, she's talking to me. Where can they find you? Where can they apply or just learn more about you or follow you on your socials?

SPEAKER_00 43:04

Well, I'm definitely available on every social platform. Instagram, I'm more active with. So it's Sheena Cesseroni. You can find me there. Also, I have TikTok, which is Sheology Psychology. I started that page that hits kind of all types of topics. I'm more heavy on narcissistic information on my TikTok than any of the platforms. Facebook, I have just started a group on there. You can reach me there. But really, just send me a DM and we can go from there. I usually like to jump on a one-on-one call with somebody just to see where they are in life and if they actually are ready to commit. And I'm a big talker. So, you know, if you do come and expect to have a nice conversation, you know, we need at least an hour.

SPEAKER_01 43:58

Yeah, absolutely. I love that. That's like very when you launched this, I was like, this is the most projector thing anyone could do as a projector. Like, yes, this is what you should be doing. Absolutely. I've been, I think I said it to you on your podcast. I don't know if we were recording at the time or not, but you and your husband need more, just like the two of you podcasts, because like your magic is so real. And I just think it's amazing. You talk about how you built or you helped build alongside him his company from literally nothing to a three million dollar company. And I just I love you guys.

SPEAKER_00 44:36

I admire you guys. Thank you so much. And we love and enjoy every conversation we have with you. And we are working on doing just a couple's podcast on YouTube. So we just need to narrow it down because there's so many, there's so many topics that we want to talk about. It's hard to find just something to niche down. So we're getting there.

SPEAKER_01 45:00

Oh, I love that. I love that for you guys, especially like you have the generator, projector, yeah, duality. And it just it's just magic. Thank you, love. You're welcome. Thank you so much for being here today and sharing your story and your wisdom with us. This conversation has been such a great reminder that healing isn't about becoming someone new. It's about coming home to yourself and building the life that really feels like safe to live in. So thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_00 45:28

Thank you for having me. I appreciate your time and energy.

SPEAKER_01 45:31

You're welcome, you too. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Nearly Enlightened podcast. If this conversation resonated with you, I would love it if you shared it, left a review, or reach out to me and let me know your thoughts. And if you're looking for more ways to deepen your connection to body, mind, and spirit, check out my Meditate to Elevate Guided Meditation portal or visit nearlyenlightened.com for more resources. Until next time, stay curious, stay connected, and remember the answers already lie within.