Unlocking the Power of Self-Care and Boundaries

As the holiday season approaches,  managing your schedule while prioritizing self-care can seem like a tightrope walk. However, before we take care of others, it's essential to take care of ourselves first.

Setting boundaries can be challenging, but it’s crucial to communicate your need for self-care to those around you. Learn with us how to juggle self-care amidst your busy schedule, especially in regards to spiritual self-care. 

So, come aboard on this enlightening journey, and let's celebrate self-care together.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:19

Hi and welcome to the Cheer Up podcast. I am your host, carole R Hunt, and with me is the author and speaker of our times, sherry Swalwell. We're using the thing today, sherry.

Speaker 2: 0:38

You are so sweet. I can tell that you are awesome because you come up with the best description. But don't you mean Sherry R Hunt. I mean Sherry R Swalwell, as I messed up last week and called over. Oh my goodness.

Speaker 1: 0:58

Yes, so that was just a slip of her tongue last week and last week's episode. I think she's so used to saying Carole R Hunt at the end, which she's describing my website, and she kind of says Sherry R Swalwell, that's the.

Speaker 2: 1:13

Thing.

Speaker 1: 1:14

But for those who are listly and may be confused, it is just Sherry Swalwellcom W-E-L-L. Her middle initial does not have an R in it, but yes, I think she just kind of was so used to saying R in my name. I have to emphasize the R in my name because, apparently and Sherry Swalwell, I don't know if you have this issue, but there are multiple Cara Hunts out there spelled the same way One is an author, another author, she writes in another genre, and one is an activist. So I'm like, okay, I don't want anyone getting me confused with either of those people, and I'm pretty sure they may not want to get confused with me. So I have to emphasize the R so that if people just happen to say, oh, you know, let me look up this Cara Hunt or whatever, and they find it, and then I think I'm that person who's the author or that person who's the activist and everything, and no, those are not me. And also, sherry, you can find me at Cara R Hunt or author Cara R Hunt. So those are the two ways. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter I think I'm only under Arthur Cara R Hunt.

Speaker 1: 2:53

And or, even better, you guys can find us at CheerUp Podcast on Twitter, and I say that because we will love every last one of you who are listening to us today to join us on Wednesday, january 17, 2024, for our third CheerUp Podcast anniversary. We will be hosting a Twitter space at 5 to 7 pm Central Standard Time and 6 to 8 pm Eastern Time, and if you continue to listen to the end, sherry will be able to give you other time zones. Those are the only two I'm pretty good with, but she has others, you know, for us to join us and we just hoping it would be two hours of great fun. We're hoping you guys could join us. So please mark your calendars. You guys can ask us any questions that you want to, whether it be personal questions, you know, asking things that you've been wondering about the past three seasons, or, you know it could be questions about our novels, questions about Sherry's devotional books or anything any topic we have discussed over the past three, almost four seasons, I believe, of the CheerUp Podcast. So it'll kind of like be an open forum. Sherry will be there, I will be there, and that is just going to be a blast. We're so looking forward to it.

Speaker 1: 4:39

And again, it's Wednesday, january 17, 2024, in the evening, by the 7th central time, by the 7th PM central time, 6 to 8 PM Eastern time. And if you would love to let us know that you're coming, if you send us an email at cheeruppodcastcom and say, hey, cara, I am coming, then let us know. We will email you back and ask if you're willing to share your snail mail address, because it is the evening and we will love to send you a packet of an evening tea so that we'll all be able to have tea together during our time together on the Twitter space that we will be hosting. Oh, and very important, it is an audio only Twitter space. So which means if you're ready to go to bed, because in your time zone is pretty late, we won't even know it. If you have on your bathrobe, you know, or your pajamas, it'll be completely audio only. So we look forward to that. And, again, that's Wednesday, january 17, 2024. Okay, so this is. We are continuing our November series about self care and the importance of self care and why we need self care, and to listen to the previous episodes in this month, just go, go back to the November episodes and the past two weeks episodes and you'll be able to find out the questions to those like what exactly do you guys mean by self care? Do you mean what the culture means and or what the Bible means? And we definitely mean what the Bible means. But if you want to go back and listen to that, please do. And then last week we kind of talked about a few ways of how to be able to do that, and today we're going to be talking about how to protect our moment of self care.

Speaker 1: 6:36

And one of the things I want to start off with is that I think, when it comes to taking care of ourselves, we tend to feel guilty, like I don't have time for me. You got you. Ladies just don't understand. I have this many kids they're all around this age. I have a husband, I have a mom I need to take care of and or an elderly parent or sibling or a handicap relative, and with my job, I just don't have the time to do it. When you or when I do do it and I've tried to do it, ladies I feel so guilty because I'm thinking, oh, my mom is gonna need me, my spouse is gonna need me, all of my children are going to need me, and I just end up not enjoying it because I feel like I can't really enjoy it.

Speaker 1: 7:28

And the one thing we need to focus on and realize is that we can't take care of those people if we are not taking care of ourselves. It is kind of like a two plus two, it has to equal four situation and, like we all know and Sherry brought to our attention again, but in the last week's episode it's the whole airplane example how we are to put on our own oxygen mask before we're able to put it on our children and those we love and we care about. Because if we lose air, then who's gonna do it? Who's gonna put it on them? Right, we have to be the ones that make sure that we get it first, and so that's so important and you don't have to feel guilty because you're doing it. You're taking care of yourself so that you can take care of the ones who love you and or may depend on you. What would you wanna share about that, sherry?

Speaker 2: 8:34

I think that what you said was spot on and it reminds me of something that a really good friend shared with me this past summer. She was talking about how well we were talking back and forth, about how we feel guilty when we say no to other people, when they give us or when they say that they have a need. And we know, we look at our schedule and we know that it would be tight and the only thing that we can take out, excuse me, is the self-care portion. So if I choose not to rest my body and instead do X, y or Z for so-and-so, I can get it done. But is that the best? Yes, for me. So we were talking and she was saying we have a responsibility to God, and it's kind of like what I was talking about last week, where we are the representation of God. So God made us with certain characteristics and certain traits. So one of the things that he made me is an encourager. That's one of the gifts that I have is encouraging, and I have to ask myself when I'm given a request, and I have to remember that even a demand is a request. It's just filtered in a more screaming at me voice, but it's still a request, it's not a demand. But anyway, I have to remind myself what kind of a person do I wanna be?

Speaker 2: 10:04

If I say yes to whatever it is that I'm being asked to do, and I know that it's going to take away from the self-care that I need to be filled up, then I'm going to be a horrible representation and I'm not going to display the characteristics that God created in me. I'm going to have anger, I'm going to have frustration, I'm going to have a shorter fuse, I'm going to be more weepy, I'm going to be more sarcastic, I'm going to have all of those negative characteristics that are not the way that God created me. If I say no which sounds mean I'm really truly then able to be the true, pure version of myself, which is kind, loving, patient, giving grace. I have hope, I have joy, and I'm able to do that to other people. So I have to make the decision what person, what characteristics am I gonna allow to come through, and what person am I going to represent? Am I gonna represent the real me or the tired, frustrated, burned out me?

Speaker 2: 11:12

And I think those are the things that we need to ask ourselves when we're being asked or demanded, or forced, or what nobody can demand and force. We have to approve that. But still, I mean I understand, trust me, the pressure that you feel when it's someone that you love, when you're afraid that you're gonna lose your job, when you want to do all of those things but it's not healthy or it's not positive or it's not the best, yes, in your life. So I understand the difficulties of it, but we need to be mature enough in our own selves to know our own limits and to be able to hold fast to those and not feel guilty regardless, cause we're not responsible for other people's reactions. We're only responsible for our own choices. So when we go to heaven, we are gonna be responsible for the way that we handled our time.

Speaker 2: 12:10

God there's the parable of the talents in the Bible, and God is basically God has entrusted all of these different things to us our family, our jobs, our kids, our downtime, all of that and we are the ones that will be held accountable to how we handled it all and how we managed it all.

Speaker 2: 12:33

And if I'm managing my schedule in such a way that I am a horrible representation of God and of myself, I don't think he's gonna be really happy about that. I'm not really happy about that. So I think that that's a good scale for us to weigh our decisions on and whether we say yes or whether we say no, I think, like you said, piggybacking on the guilt part, I think we need to get to the point where we don't feel guilty filling ourselves up when we're depleted and making us making it known that that's just as important in our schedule as our work is, as cleaning the house as making a good meal, as getting the laundry done. Self-care is just as important as the other parts of our schedule. It needs to be held to that standard so that we can be the best person we can be.

Speaker 1: 13:32

Absolutely. And guilt is from the enemy, right, If you know that you have done everything in your power, you have given every minute, every second of your time to those things that you know you need to do, but they're emotional draining. And if you know you've bent over backwards for it, but then you still feel guilt about taking time for your own personal self-care, then that's from the enemy. He wants you to wear yourself out. Why? Because, like Sherry said, the more worn out you get, the less of an effective Christian witness you can be. Because you're tired, you're angry, you're stressed, you're tensed, you're anxious, you're snapping at people who just say good morning to you and you're like is it really? You know, and why are you so cheerful?

Speaker 1: 14:27

You know and they're like okay, you know. Or someone may ask you something like are you okay? And you're like I'm fine, just leave me alone. You know but that's a clear side that you're not and that you need self-care and you don't wanna be like a snapping turtle. You don't want to have to endure something because you're just not taking care of yourself. You do not want to be able to have to confess and repent of some things that you said and apologize and ask for forgiveness of some things you said because you were acting like sisters sandpaper okay. So it's always best to be preventative and don't listen to the enemy If he's trying to make you feel guilty about something. You know that there's no reason for you to feel guilty about.

Speaker 1: 15:17

The second thing protecting your self-care times and moments. Now, what day of the week you decide to do it, how many hours you decide to do it, or even if it's just an hour a week, or maybe it's three to four hours for some people, if your schedule allow, or maybe it's one to two, three days, depending on if you basically need some healing as well. Whatever time it is, whatever, however, you're able to work it into your life guard, it protect it, and sometimes that means letting people know those close to you, especially those whom you may live in the same house with that. Let them know that on this particular day and this particular time, between these hours or 30 minutes, or however it is that you want it to work, let them know to please not interrupt you and say you know, from now on, once a week, on this day, at this time, I am just going to practice some self-care. I'm going to be reading a novel, I'm going to be giving myself a massage, I'm going to do my nails, you know whatever it is that relaxes you. I'm going outside in the yard, I'm going to wash the hummingbirds, but this is going to be a regular time for me, once a week. So I just want to communicate to you all that I'm going to be protecting it fiercely because, in order to be here for you guys, I need this time for me to not just connect with God, but to just do something that I enjoy, so that I'm not feeling so stressed and anxious all the time.

Speaker 1: 17:03

Even you know I realize I just mentioned a lot of things that a lot of guys won't do. Right, you could probably care less how your hair looks as we mentioned in the previous episode, and you're probably not going to be doing your amanticure or pedicure, but you may be wanting to play golf because golf relaxes you, right, and I'll go bowling or even enjoy a baseball or football or hockey game, if those are things that you know you may be interested in. Or hiking, running, swimming, biking, any of those things. Just set aside a time to where you're just like, hey, this is what I'm going to be doing on this day, this time, for this length of time, and it helps relax me, it rejuvenates me, it refreshes me, and as I go biking along the trail, you know, god ministers to me and it's just time that really refills me so that I can be there for everyone else.

Speaker 1: 18:06

We have to protect that time and most of the time it's just communicating to those around us that this particular time, and then they probably won't even contact you until like after that time, and you may think, wow, this kind of strict care, right? No, just think about it when you're working. So let's just say your job requires you to work from 9 am to 5 pm. You don't allow people to call you on your job and interrupt you for anything, because your job simply won't allow it, why it distracts you from doing the job.

Speaker 1: 18:46

So the only time you would receive a call on the job you know, especially if you still work at an office location is like if it's an emergency. But they would not just be okay with you just receiving all these calls on a random, or you're constantly on your cell phone. They would be like, hey, is everything okay? You need to take a minute or something because we really need you to focus on work, and they emphasize that and they put those guidelines there for a reason because everything else is distracting you from what they hired you to do. We need to have that same type of protectiveness around our self-care. If they won't call you on your job or call you doing your working hours, they should be okay with not communicating with you while you're practicing self-care. What are your thoughts on that, sherry?

Speaker 2: 19:41

Oh, I completely agree with you. There are two things I want to add to that, but just to add to it, because what you said was fantastic. One is I would like to encourage people that well one I think that Cara did a fabulous job. Everybody's different, and so you need to come up with what works best for you as far as once a week, twice a week, three times a week, whatever that looks like for you. But I encourage you to do the spiritual self-care daily.

Speaker 2: 20:14

We need to fill up with God daily, not once a week or twice a week, and that can look like lots of different things for me, and it can be different in different seasons of your life as well. So, whether you read one chapter five times a week, so five chapters in seven days. That's the plan that I'm on right now, so that if I get stressed out or a thing go haywire, I have time to catch up on the ones that I didn't see, but overall, most of the time, well. So I do five chapters of the Bible a week, but I also do a chapter of a devotional every day. So I'm still filling up with God seven days a week, but I'm reading his word five days a week and at first, when we started that pattern, I was like, oh no, I'm sinning, I'm not reading my Bible seven days a week. But you know what? I have learned more and I have grown closer to God doing it that way than I did when I was just reading and not really understanding what I was reading. So everybody's different. I find the pace that works for you, but I recommend that you fill up with God every day in one form or another. And then the second thing that I wanted to encourage I love how you talked about the men, kara, and I love how you said how men are different and they're probably not doing their hair and their nails.

Speaker 2: 21:41

If your husband is one, or your or whoever it is that you, you know your dad, whoever it is, that you're listening to the man that's in your life, that you live within the same household. If they're sitting and bedding on the couch, that is a form of self-care too. So they may not go out and play golf, but they're not going to want to be told honey, there's a to-do list on the counter. I need you to do it. I know you just got home from 10 hours of working today, or eight hours of working today, but I need you to get this done. That may be their time. They may do a half an hour a day, a couple hours a night. That may be the way that they self-care. Everybody is different in that regard, so we need to be respectful. Just because somebody's wasting time watching TV, it's not wasting time. Depending on the season that you're in in your life. That may be what's holding them together. That may be let's carry.

Speaker 2: 22:43

You talked about. You have specific, clean comics that you like to watch. Well, there's nothing more than just sitting and relaxing sometimes, and sometimes you're at the point in your life where burnout has happened, or you don't want burnout to happen, or you're recovering from burnout and you all you can do is just sit and watch something that will make you laugh and you know what. If that's the way that they're doing it, you need to support them too, and maybe not bother them. Maybe ask if you can sit next to them but not talk. I know that us women are sometimes known for talking more. I always tease my husband because I have been blessed with lots and lots of wonderful sisters in Christ, and girls just talk differently than men do, and so I'm always saying to him when I want to share about my day or about something that God's talked to me about, or whatever, and I'll be like, don't worry, I'm going to land the plane, I'm landing the plane, I'm landing the plane I don't like it when you circle around.

Speaker 2: 23:49

They don't want that. And I'm like, nope, I'm landing the plane. Well, I told my boss that one of my bosses about that and he said Sherry. He says make sure you don't run out of gas either, make sure you land it quick.

Speaker 1: 24:01

I'm like okay that's funny. Go ahead so yeah.

Speaker 2: 24:08

so I'm always saying to him I'm like, and so I wanted to share this with you, but don't worry, I'll land the plane. So we have to remember that that sometimes just sitting with our spouses means a lot. Or sometimes they just need to sit by themselves, like read the room, ask them, have that conversation. But sometimes it's not going out and playing golf, sometimes it's just sitting and mindlessly watching TV. It looks like they're being lazy, but it might be their best form of self-care in this season that they're in.

Speaker 1: 24:40

Absolutely, and it depends on whether you're male or female. It depends on your. However, you are able to decompress, right. However, you're sometimes watching I call it mindless TV, because it looks like you're sitting there watching TV, but you're really not. You're mentally decompressing from the day right Right.

Speaker 1: 25:03

You may be, something on there may pop out at you and you may giggle or laugh or chuckle at something and you know, but in reality you're really not paying attention to it, you're just letting your mind decompress from the day or from the job or from the visit with your parents, you know, and things like that. So, yes, that can also be a form of self-care and it really depends on your, like I said, your personality and how you do things. You know it's whatever makes you smile, and remember, it doesn't have to be. We need to look at this as a good thing and a privilege to Lord. Let us take advantage of it's a blessing to take care of ourselves, because we're not doing it for ourselves, right? We're doing it so that we can be there for others, whether it's physically, mentally, emotionally. However, we're doing it so that we can continue to bless the people in our lives. Sometimes it's just with our presence, sometimes it's just holding their hand, sometimes it's just being an all-star on your job. Whatever it is, we're doing it and we want to give it our best and we want to be able to continue to soak up what the Lord gives us Because, like I said, when someone's squeeze and twist that sponge, the oil of the Lord should come out because we have spending time with him and we've been listening.

Speaker 1: 26:38

And resting is not a laziness, unless it's habitual, right, and that's different. That's a whole other subject. But if you know that that person is not lazy, that's fine. And a lot of people confuse resting with sleep, and that's not the case. You can lay down and rest without even closing your eyes. It's just relaxing your body, laying down, taking in a deep breath, closing your eyes and just going, you know, and just resting. You may not even be sleepy, so you don't have to fall asleep. It's just resting your mind and resting your body, and recliners are great for that as well, right? That's why a lot of people recline while they watch TV. It's just allowing yourself to rest and you could have fun with it, like Sherri and I talked about last week, if you, if styling your hair brings you joy and you put the smile on your face by all means do it.

Speaker 1: 27:46

And if it takes two hours, so what? That's the two hours you spent on yourself, because that makes you happy. It makes you happy If it's taking a long bath in a soaking tub with lots of salts and fragrances and aromas and you're just sitting there with candles all around you and possibly even enjoying a good book. You know, then that's. And if you need two hours to do that, then do it. If it brings a smile to your face and you're a calmer person and you're more at peace when it's all done, then absolutely do it. Is it possible? If it's possible for you to do that once, a twice a week in the middle of the day, then absolutely do it. Absolutely, just do those things. That's going to bring you relaxation and it's going to bring you peace. But, like Sherri said, just make sure you do you connect with God doing it, and that should be. Connecting with God should be a daily thing, even if it's like you know for I know there, I think they call them five minute devotionals or you know things like that and there are also those who listen to the Bible on audio. Well, if they have a long commute to work and they talk about how that has blessed them, because they may have an hour commute to work and then they have an hour commute back, you know, and instead of sitting there yelling at traffic and getting upset by it and letting them raise your blood pressure through the roof, you could be listening to the word. You could be listening to worship music. You know, your favorite pastor or evangelist or devotion that's on audio book. You know, we can always do it.

Speaker 1: 29:30

Find a way to incorporate that if it becomes a priority in our life and, like I said, it doesn't have to be a bad thing With me. I love clean comedy because I just love to laugh. Make it be something that you actually enjoy and just I'm doing it. If getting in your backyard and rumbling and tumbling with your, with your colleague, your dog or your dogs, you know, and you're just having a good time with them, throwing the bizz-bizz here and there and you just rough-housing with them, then do it. You know God uses animals to teach us things and he does, and you'll be surprised at the things that we can learn from nature and from the animals. What did you want to add today, sherry?

Speaker 2: 30:24

I think you covered it completely and totally perfect. I think that's a great place for us to land today, because we're gonna come land.

Speaker 1: 30:34

I landed the plane. Okay, sorry, go ahead.

Speaker 2: 30:42

So I think next week we're gonna come back and we're gonna talk about because, well, next week, actually, you're gonna hear a Thanksgiving Encore episode and then in two weeks we will come back and we will talk about how to practically look at this when we're upping our schedule and adding more things to our plate during the Christmas holiday, because I don't care who you are, if you're alive, more things get added when we get closer to the holidays. It's just a fact of life, and if you don't celebrate Christmas, you celebrate Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or something else. I'm sure that you're still adding more things to your plate. So, anyway, so we're gonna come back in two weeks and we're gonna talk about practical applications of how we can stay sane, how we can take care of ourselves and make it even better for this holiday this year than we have in the past. So John 1633 tells us that these things I have spoken to you, that in me you may have peace In the world, you will have circulation, but be of good cheer. I have overcome the world. We also want to invite you, for January 17th 2024, to come join us in the Twitter space. We would love it if you would show up, if you would be there, and if you want to send us an email to let us know you're coming kind of like a mini RSVP and if you want to include your snail mail, we will send you a couple of T or a couple of T, we will send you a packet so you can join us on and join the team as well.

Speaker 2: 32:26

So head over to Kara R Hunt, her website and you can check out her book. You know, if you're going to be soaking in that tub and you have a couple hours reading paper dolls is not such a bad idea. I want to throw out there that that's a great suggestion of a clean Christian fiction that will keep you on your toes and want you to keep, or make you wanting to keep read more. That's a great one for you to start with. So paper dolls, and then paper dolls Kite, paper dolls Priscilla and paper dolls Olivia. So, and then she keeps writing. So she's going to be sending out the other ones pretty soon too.

Speaker 2: 33:06

You can also head over to my website If you want to start a relationship with God. If you want to continue a relationship with God and you just don't know which direction to go or how to start, check out the Jesus in the Everyday, monthly membership. It's a great way for you to get that self-care excuse me, the self-care spiritually, that we were talking about earlier today and it's just five to ten minutes a day and it jump starts that conversation and that relationship with our Heavenly Father, which is the whole reason why Kara and I do what we do. It's to point you to God and to have that abundant relationship with Him yourself. So have a great rest of your week, have a great rest of your day and have a great Thanksgiving, and we will talk to you in two weeks.