20. Alice's Story Of Healing While Life Is Still (Sort Of) Falling Apart

Healing from trauma isn’t about fixing the past - it’s about learning how to stay present while you heal in real time.

In this episode, Alice shares her story from the middle, not the finish line. She grew up in Russia in an abusive home, immigrated to the U.S. without speaking English, and learned early how to survive by pushing forward. That survival mode carried her into adulthood… into service as a first responder, into motherhood, and into multiple "failed" marriages as she ended up repeating the same patterns again and again. 

Alice became a police officer and later a corrections officer.  But her young son was diagnosed with leukemia, forcing her to walk away from her career and put everything into his health, safety, and emotional well-being. At the same time, her own unresolved childhood trauma and abusive marriages were catching up to her.

I love this conversation because it isn't about a clean transformation story with a black and white pre / post plant medicine story or something where everyone lives happily ever after. 

Alice is still in it. She’s currently going through divorce #5 and actively doing the work — learning boundaries, rebuilding self-trust, and finding support through breathwork, community, retreats, and our online program.

We talk honestly about what it means to heal while raising kids, navigating loss of identity, and letting go of relationships that no longer align — especially as a woman and a first responder (and a good Russian) who was trained to stay strong and keep going no matter the cost.

What we cover:

• Childhood trauma and how it shapes adult relationships
• Marriage abuse and breaking long-term patterns
• Breathwork for trauma and emotional release
• Healing in the middle of divorce and life transition
• Alice’s experience at FlowState retreats and in our online program
• The role of community when you stop doing it all alone

This episode is for anyone who feels like they’re late to healing… or scared they’re doing it “wrong.” You’re not behind. You’re just done pretending you’re fine.

Thanks again for listening!

Enrollment is open right now for the 2026 Operation FlowState Jiu Jitsu & Healing Retreat.

Spaces are limited due to the small size of the retreat center and spots are already more than 75% filled.

Visit becomingom.org/flowstate for all the info and to submit an application.

Or for info on our online healing programs, DM us the word INFO on Instagram.