A podcast to educate and equip women with the information and confidence they need to express, experience and enjoy their sexuality. Cindy Scharkey RN, BSN, brings her 35+ years of experience as a healthcare professional to open the doors to healthy conversations about sex. This is a community where you can listen and learn to give yourself permission for pleasure. Visit www.cindyscharkey.com for educational blogs and newsletter.
Doggy Style, Kivin Method and Why Do I Bleed After Sex
•Cindy Scharkey•Season 4•Episode 82
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In this quickie episode I’ll introduce you to the Kivin Method or oral for her – sideways. Hear a how-to guide and why you might want to try it. I'll also answer a few community questions including 'How can I make doggy style more intimate?' and 'Why do I bleed after sex?' Ten minutes of good education for good sex!
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Hello everyone and welcome to Permission for Pleasure. I'm Cindy Sharky, your host, and I'm delighted you joined me today. You all gobbled up the oral sex episode for women and asked for more on this topic, so I'm going to introduce you to the Kivin method today. Also, I was asked recently in a Q ⁇ A on Instagram about how to make the doggy style position feel more intimate. So we'll talk about that. I did see too that the top five questions Googled in 2023 included why do I bleed after sex? It seems good to address this question because I am asked it quite frequently, and obviously it's getting Googled and asked by others. I am thrilled and grateful to have Uberlube, positively my favorite silicone lube, sponsoring this episode. You can find the link in the show notes to try your Uberlube with my discount code Cindy. Before I jump in, as always, friends, this podcast is not medical advice, but for educational and informational purposes only. Now let's get started talking about the Kivin method. Or oral pleasure for women sideways. Have you heard of this? Maybe you're already doing it. While it's often called the Kivin method, this is actually an oral sex position, not a technique. Let me tell you how it works. The giver is perpendicular to the receiver's vulva. In other words, you make a T shape or a right angle rather than aligning your bodies. The receiver's leg will be draped over the giver's shoulder. I know I can't show you a diagram, but just kind of picture that in your mind. This allows for stimulation from a side angle rather than vertical. The giver uses their tongue side to side across the vulva rather than up and down. You get the picture. You're facing your partner horizontally rather than head on. First, you'll focus on the labia or the lips, the inner thighs, etc., just exploring and arousing before going to the clitoral hood and the glands or head of the clitoris. This can allow for more stimulation of the entire vulva and the clitoral hood and not so much focus directly on the glands clitoris. Make circles, flick your tongue, gently suck, try different and varied techniques to see what brings pleasure. Remember that the clitoris is erectile tissue. This means it will swell when aroused. What some givers of the Kiven method describe is that once the clitoris is good and aroused, they'll feel two tiny bumps on either side of the clitoral hood with their tongue. These are called K points, and they are tiny, like a grain of rice. For some receivers, this area of stimulation is highly pleasurable. I mean pleasurable enough for them to experience involuntary preorgasmic like contractions. That said, of course, not every person with a vulva enjoys this kind of stimulation, nor has detectable K points. So don't get stressed, just experiment and see what it's like. Do you like this kind of stimulation? Is it pleasurable for you? As a partner, do you enjoy giving oral in this position? Is it fun and exciting to try something new? Some people say this angle allows for increasing sensation and powerful orgasms. For others, it's new and different, and that creates anticipation and variety. And like anything new, it may take a few tries to practice and figure out your body placement, where your leg's gonna go, where your head's gonna go, and how to get in that T shape more comfortably for the giver and the receiver. Hey, you might want to use pillows or props to help. Or you may just find this position isn't available to you in your body right now. Have fun, explore, try something new. That's it for the Kivin method, and now on to the question that came in saying, How do we make doggy style more intimate? It always feels so disconnected. Well, let me define doggy style so we're all on the same page here. This is a sex position where penetration comes from behind. This can be with the receiver on all fours and a standing or a bent over position. We'll talk more about that here in a minute. First things first though, this is what I would want to tell this woman who wrote this question in. Is doggy style a pleasurable position for you? Do you have feelings about the position that activate or bring emotions of disconnection? Sometimes different positions just work for different people or not at all. And remember that we may like things one time in our life and then you know at different times in our life we'd like something else. Or we didn't like something and then now we like it. So here's a couple additions to see if that might help you feel more connected using this doggy position. Use the mirrors to see each other and feel connected in that way. Look over your shoulder during penetration using this position to make eye contact, or talk to each other during sex. People do talk to each other during sex. And you can vary the position as well. You could use a flat iron variation. This is where the bottom partner is on their tummy rather than on all fours, and it can bring that top partner a little closer and with a lot more body contact. And like I mentioned at the start of this question, you could try this position standing against a wall or over a couch, bed table, just to try a different variation if you don't like the on all fours way of doing it. You can try this in heels. We talked about this in episode 55, just to give you more height. Often I hear from women that they need a little bit more height to align bodies for comfort. And don't forget to add your lube in this position. For that added lubrication, comfort, and pleasure. This is where your Uber lube comes in handy. It provides that slippery and long-lasting lubrication that you want and it stays where you put it, which is especially helpful in this kind of position or when you're trying new positions. Okay, on to one of the top Googled sex questions of 2023. Why do I bleed after sex? Again, friends, this podcast is not medical advice, so always talk to your healthcare provider to help you figure out what's going on with you and your body. And of course, I can't talk about every possible cause in this short little episode. So if in doubt, get it checked out. Now, we are talking light bleeding or spotting, not heavy bleeding here, which should always be checked out. So to be clear, light bleeding or spotting after penetration with no other symptoms. Is this normal? That's the question. Bleeding after penetration is not uncommon, but it should always be paid attention to. Medically we call it postcoital bleeding. This bleeding could be from your vagina or from your cervix, which is the opening of the uterus. If you menstruate, it could just be your period, right before, during, or right after. That would make sense, right? Any vaginal bleeding post-menopause, which means you haven't had a period for a whole year, must absolutely be checked out. The next question for every woman who is asking why my bleeding after sex is at any age, at any time, am I lubricated enough? Do I have enough wetness? Why is this an issue? Because too much friction to the vulva and vaginal tissues can cause micro tears. Teeny tiny, teeny tiny tears, and that can result in spotting. I mean, this is another PSA from the lube fairy, me. Try Uber lube. It makes everything more slippery, not too much friction. I don't ever want you gutting out pain or discomfort with penetration. This is one of the leading causes of micro-tearing. Use quality lube. You know Uber lube's my favorite. Look for the link in the show notes and use my code. That way they know I sent you. You're gonna love it. As I was thinking about this question, I wondered if it's getting Googled so often in that last year due to the increase in rougher sex. Rougher sex can cause accidental trauma to the vaginal tissues or tearing. It's a consideration here, as we're talking more and more about that as sex educators and a caution to pay attention to. Other things to consider skin irritation from an allergy, from a yeast infection, from an STI, such as chlamydia or gonorrhea or genital herpes, an infection of some kind, endometriosis can sometimes be a cause, polyps or benign growths. Benign means non-cancerous. Inflammation of the cervix or possibly hitting the cervix during deep penetration in certain positions is a possibility. Here's a few good questions to ask if you're having some spotting after sex. Do I have a new partner? Has something changed? Do I have pain? Do I have enough lubrication? Am I near to, on, or just finishing my period? Is the bleeding only at certain times of the month or during my cycle? And is the bleeding only with certain positions? Some things to think about and adjust accordingly. Always check things out when in doubt with your healthcare provider. Ask your questions. Talk about your concerns. Your sexual health matters. I talk about all kinds of sexual health in my educational newsletter, Good Education for Good Sex. If you want more on these kinds of topics and book reviews, updates about the pod and the blogs, please sign up and join my community there. The link is in the show notes. Friends, whether you're trying something new, finally using lube, or taking care of your sexual health, your pleasure matters. Keep giving yourself permission for pleasure.
