Returning to Us
To help people who help people, the organization needs to be healthy and have practices in place that consider the trauma of those they serve. Lauren Spigelmyer and Jessica Doering have helped thousands of people who help people all over the world. Each week they'll explore tools, insights, and stories to help you lead and live with more clarity, calm, and connection. If you’re looking for support as you grow your organization’s capacity for caring for staff and the community, we would love to be part of that journey.
Returning to Us
Part 2: Behavior isn't the Problem
In this episode, Lauren continues exploring the connection between behavior and the nervous system, focusing on the stress responses known as fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. She encourages us to look beyond the surface of behaviors like hitting, screaming, or shutting down and ask what’s driving them. These reactions aren’t choices—they’re subconscious responses to feeling unsafe.
Lauren breaks down how each state might show up in children: fight can look like defiance or aggression, flight might look like restlessness or avoidance, freeze can show up as silence or disconnection, and fawn often appears as people-pleasing or over-apologizing. Rather than correcting or controlling these behaviors, she urges adults to meet children where they are. Regulation must come before reasoning. When we name what we see, notice the cues, and respond with calm and care, we help children feel safe and can start to make change.
Resources:
Steven Porges- Polyvagal Theory
Other related resources from Five Ives:
Blog Post:
- Why Traditional Employee Wellness Programs Fail (And What Works Instead)
- Survive Mode: Recognizing When Your Organization is in Crisis
- What are the Five Ives?
Podcast:
- Part 1: Behavior isn't the Problem
- Hive- The Last Stage of the Five Ives
- Thrive- The Fourth Stage of the Five Ives
- Strive- The Third Stage of the Five Ives
- Revive- The Second Stage of the Five Ives
- Survive- The First Stage of the Five Ives
- What are the Five Ives?
- A Five Category Regulation Framework - Five Ives!
- Using Our 5-Category Regulation Framework in the Workplace
- Impacting Organizational Culture: Explaining the First 2 Ps
- Impacting Organization Culture: Explaining the Second 2 Ps
Our Online Programs:
- Behavior Breakthrough
- Policing Under Pressure
- Board Governance Training
- Behavior Breakthrough Online Summer Course
Subscribe to our mailing list and find out more about Stress, Trauma, Behavior and the Brain!
- Check out our Facebook Group – Five Ives!
- Five Ives Website website
- The Behavior Hub blog
If you’re looking for support as you grow your organization’s capacity for caring for staff and the community, we would love to be part of that journey.
Schedule a free discovery call and let us be your guide
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