Breakdown to Breakthrough: ReGina Smithwick's Transformational Journey

Regina Smithwick, founder of Regina Smithwick Enterprises, professional organizer, certified life coach, motivational speaker, and author, shares her inspirational journey from feeling lost and adopting others' values to discovering her true self and God's purpose for her. Regina discusses her awakening moment post-rejection in 2019, her path to self-love and purpose, and her commitment to helping other women find their own paths. She emphasizes the importance of prayer, acknowledging personal truths, and the significance of not letting society dictate one's self-worth. Regina also provides insights into her latest works, including her books and workshops, aimed at helping individuals 'wring out their sponges' and absorb new, positive belief systems.

Guest Links:

 Website: ReGina Smithwick Enterprises

Email:  Letstalk1943@gmail.com

Instagram: @queenregina1943

YouTube: Let's Talk 1943

Transcript

[00:00:00] Hey, hey, F50 women. I am here with Regina Smithwick she, is a mom. the founder of Regina Smithwick Enterprises. a professional organizer, certified life coach, and the creator of let's talk a talk show and podcast. She's a motivational speaker and an author. 

Thank you for being here. Regina. 

Oh, no problem. Thank you so much for allowing me to 

Thank you. I'm excited to hear about what you do, what you're passionate about. can you give us a preview of who you were and how this all started and what you were like as a younger woman, what you wanted to be so we can understand if you ended up being that and how that all worked in the transformation.

Well, let's start where, where, who I was, I was lost. That's who I was. I was lost. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know my passion. I didn't know my purpose. I was just kind of floating around this world, when you do that, [00:01:00] you just allow anyone to attach, attach to you. You're allowed to take in everybody else's belief systems, everybody else's ways, values.

and then that's where problems lie, right? When you're taking other people's stuff, when you don't even know where you stand and you don't have a foundation. now. I am a child of God. I know who I am in him. I know the gifts he gave me, and now I'm utilizing my gifts.

I didn't realize they were gifts until after I really, started to pray and ask him and he's like, okay, you're asking me something and just sitting right there. You know, a lot of us have things that we sit on and we think it's just given and it's just something that we have, but it's really your gifts that he gave you.

So now I went from breakdown to breakthrough. 

you go any further, I am always so curious and I know there's probably not really an answer to this, but I'm going to ask you anyway. So how did that realization happen? you know, you sit down, you talk to God. And it, were there stars? Was it obvious?

Did you hear the [00:02:00] words? I want to know how that happens. I can tell you now I got details. So, 

it was actually in September of 2019. It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon. I was getting ready for a date. I had online dating and I had a date with a gentleman that I was talking to on the phone for a little while.

It's my first time meeting. We went on a date And you know how you go on a date and you kind of, I mean, it's not horrible, but you just don't feel that feeling, but yet you just want to make it work because you feel that, you know, give it a chance. And that's why I did in my past. And after the date was over, he sounded like he was interested.

We was going to continue to get to know each other. later on that evening, he gave me a call and I was figuring he was calling me to tell me basically, you know, how, you know, like the date to see if I got home safe. That wasn't what it was. He was calling to tell me he did not want to continue to get to know me.

That's strange. Because it wasn't a situation that I had in England. I was on the phone with him and started saying well, I don't understand. I thought we were [00:03:00] getting along and I'm a good person and I just started talking.

I said, wait a minute. I just, I stopped in the middle of my sentence was like, why am I Obama in him? You know, like why I'm campaigning to tell her how great I am. You know, if we don't see it, and then I knew something was wrong at that moment, I hung up the phone and I started crying. I cried so hard.

My head was killing me. it wasn't the rejection. It was how I handled the rejection, Why would I let someone I don't know shift me that much to get me that upset? Why would I let someone shift my mood to make me feel less than when I don't even know this person?

Yeah. 

So that's when I got to a point, I was tired of being sick and tired of going through this rejection thing and that rejection thing is not because of him. It's because it was something in me and I had to realize that. when I realized that I just prayed that night, I was crying all night.

I was just like, God, I can't keep doing this. What is it? What's going on with me? Cause this is not right. I just think I was tired of being sick and tired. I knew it had to be [00:04:00] something better out there for me that next day. I just started getting on the phone.

I called a spiritual life coach that I knew of, and told him my situation. I said, I really need help. I got to figure out what's happening with me. when I decided to do the work, I realized it was because of my adoption. My adoption was a secret.

I kept it a secret. when you keep things a secret, you're telling yourself internally, you don't love yourself. When you tell yourself you don't love yourself, you treat yourself as such. therefore you let validation issues, insecurities, low self esteem, take over because you don't love yourself enough to figure it out.

So that's where it stemmed from. And then I had to kind of go backwards and work my way back. 

Okay. So 

that's why I'm saying break through. 

And how did you even get to the point where You came to God. It sounds like as a younger woman, you weren't necessarily God focused.

How did that transition happen? 

Well, I was God focused. I was raised in church. God always been in my life. I was in church choir. I was usher. I was a [00:05:00] birthday committee. You could be in church, but not be in God. A lot of people could sit in church every Sunday but don't take the knowledge they've learned and

apply it to their day to day lives. I knew right from wrong. I was a good kid, never got in trouble but I didn't apply this knowledge I didn't realize the Bible is really a life guide. It just tells you what to do. It's like, it's like, why would we out there trying to do it on our own?

That's why we get into all these problems. Because we try to do it our way and not his way. So I decided to do it his way now. Now when I read it, I see it in fresh eyes. I see it differently than I did when I was younger. I didn't understand the Bible as it was, but now I understand what's going on.

So it was like the Messiah part and then, the angels come down and whole shebang. 

Yeah, I was just talking to another woman about that yesterday. we go to church, we believe it, we talk it, but it's almost like it hasn't really soaked in or something yet. So that's [00:06:00] incredible.

tell us what you do now. tell us about what you do. 

Well, now, because I decided to tap into my purpose and I knew that I had a couple of good, I guess you want to call them, attributes.

I have, a gift for gab. I networked very well. I like to get people together. I love to always have social, I'm a very social person. I love having like connections. I'm the person that if I don't know, I know somebody who knows. If somebody calls me asking me about anything, I'll be like, okay, I don't know, but I know someone who do know and I'll get them to contact you.

I've always been that type of person. I always motivated people I always was the one that was like, look, it's not that bad. I always find a silver line in everything. I always find like the goodness in everybody. So that was always my gift. So I was like, you know what, that's a motivational speaker.

That's a motivational person. That's the person that can help someone understand, because I was just telling somebody this morning, everybody don't know everything. And that's why we all here, right? We all here to help each other. Yeah. Some people are stronger than other things than you [00:07:00] are. So what's simple and common to you is not common to everyone.

That's why we have coaches. That's why we have counselors. That's why we had therapists, because obviously what's common to you is not common to them. If that was the case, wouldn't we help? I feel that my purpose is to help other women who feel like this, that feel lost, I had my first show. my first podcast on Valentine's day.

I wanted to capture those women who were single when they had nothing else to do, but sit there and cry and be upset because they feel that nobody loves them. And everybody else had boyfriends and husbands, but them.

And I'm like, that's not how it goes. I lived that life. I understand what you're going through, but it's not what you seen sometimes. Don't let social media fool you. Right. Don't let commercialization fool you. I always say, Jarrett. And Kay need their money. They're not worried about your feelings.

They're not gonna sell a friendship ring. a sister brother ring. The money's in the engagement. the marriage. That's why they do it. if one day they wake up and say, what's in is friendship [00:08:00] rings. They will do it and everybody will go buy a friendship ring, but that's not where the money's at.

So don't let commercialization don't let social media make you feel less than you're the same woman on the 13th, 14th and 15th. My passion started in, I was so tired of seeing women for anyone just to have a, have a boyfriend or husband. Yeah. Knowing that going in with the red signs, knowing them still because they feel that society told them they got to get married because the marriage is the trophy.

A woman don't feel like they a woman until they get married. I got the trophy. I got the husband. And then they feel like everybody else is, Oh, you don't have a husband. Oh, poor baby. 

Yeah. 

I didn't like that, 

Women in that situation, what would you advise them to replace that with when you feel like there's that hole or there's something missing?

Tell us, what do we put there then? 

You do your work and find out who you are. First of all, you can't love someone else before you love yourself. You got to be your love first. We always put the cart in front of the horse. [00:09:00] We always want to love someone, but we don't want to love ourselves.

I don't know why, because I did it myself. I've been there, You got to fill it with you. you got to figure out who you are, what you like to do.

what is it that you like to do that? First of all, Will attract you to a person who's more equally yoked to you and you have more compatibility because you may find someone who like you if you start doing things but you like, get outside the rim.

sitting at home crying about you not having a man, it's not gonna bring him closer to you, right? You gotta get to a point in life that he could see that you got value. That you have something to bring to the table. You're not just there to be somebody's wife, but you want to compliment them.

You know, you don't want to be a situation is, well, I give 50, you give 50. Nah, it's not going to do numbers. It's got to be with compatibility and equally yoke and what God aligns with you. I started my journey two years ago. I decided I'm not having sex. I'm not doing any of that. I'm going to do it totally [00:10:00] God's way.

if that's going to take longer than the average person, but when it happens, it's going to be Right. I'd rather have one right and go through five wrong. 

So how do you feel that decision to do it God's way has changed you? Tell us about how that feels and the benefits of it, inspire us a little bit to do that because for some, they're like, yeah, what?

I'm not 

I'll do a God's way for maybe four months and then I'm going back to my way. 

You go back to your way, you're going to be doing the same thing again and again and again, 

keep 

I got tired. It's like you're hitting your head against the wall and expecting not to bleed.

you're going to bleed every time, every single time. Yes. And we think we're going to beat the system. We're going to figure that out. I don't know. Well, I can't do that. Okay, go ahead and do what you do. Now. I'm not judging nobody because I'm right here for me.

Right. So I'm learning just like everybody else. This is a new journey for me, but I decided to take it, because I took the other road. I got sneakers. The [00:11:00] sneakers are worn out. I got holes on the bottom of my feet. I'm done. I got to do it this other way.

Yeah. I don't have no other choice because I done it every other way, but his way. Now let me think about his time. And it's going to be unanswered. I'm not going to know everything. I don't, but I'll learn as I go. 

Yeah. if you want something different. You have to do something different.

So, there are two things. One is this idea of self love. we hear that a lot. love yourself, self care, What does that really mean? I just take a bath. what does self love mean? I look in the mirror and say, I love you.

what does that mean? everybody's talking about it so much, self care, take care of yourself. What does that mean? 

Yeah. Well, the stuff you name, it's good to do, it's never going to hurt, but it's surface. It's very surface. It's only temporary. It's only gonna last for that time frame that you do that.

It's only gonna last that day. You're gonna feel it. But when you do that self love, self love hurts because you [00:12:00] gotta dig. You got to dig when you dig with self love, you got to love yourself enough to go through the pain and push through it. I had to say to myself, Regina, you have validation issues.

Regina, you have low self esteem, you didn't like the way your height, you didn't love your feet. You didn't love your lips. You didn't, you know, like I have to say this stuff out loud. At one point I couldn't imagine saying what I just said out loud to you right this moment.

I had to say, yeah, these are the things that are wrong with me. But they're not. This is how God designed me. So there's nothing wrong with me. It's something wrong with the way I'm thinking about me. And I had to do that work. And when you do that work and push through, you're going to realize when you look back to the other side, I was like, Oh, that wasn't even nothing.

Like, why did I sweat that? Yeah. Like, why did I let that get to me? now, cause you asked earlier, but now I don't let things get to me like that no more because I understand what's happening. There's a lot of me's out here. There's a lot of people that's hurt. [00:13:00] sometimes hurt hurts. It's hurt, hurt other people.

not like they trying to, but that's all they know. A lot of times our parents put belief systems in us. That's all they knew. Their mother knew. Their mother knew. we are carrying traditions good or bad, 

Yeah. 

I decided to stop taking in people's stuff and start thinking about why I do things.

Do I don't like that because my mother and my aunt and everybody else didn't like it. I just said, I didn't like it either. Right. I'm gonna tell you a little story So this lady, not young, but a younger woman.

was cooking Thanksgiving dinner. when she was cooking dinner, she broke the legs off the chicken and put the chicken in the oven. Somebody asked her, why do you do that? She said, Oh, my mom did that. And then, you know, we always did as a traditional family. We always do that. So it was like, ask the mom.

So why do you do that? they go, well, my mom always did that. She always breaks the chicken legs off, puts it in the pan and pushes an oven. And it just tastes better. Just the way our family does things. So they said, well, [00:14:00] let's ask grandma, why does she do that? Grandma, why did you break the legs? she said, because baby, when I was younger, my oven was too small.

So I had to break the legs off the plate and fit in the oven. It didn't taste better or 

anything. 

three generations doing that and didn't know why they did it. Yeah. Well, two generations, the third generation knew, but They never asked. It wasn't nothing but logistics. She had a little oven.

That was it. And she just let them do it and didn't even tell them why she did it 

Imagine 

how many things that we have in us that we do and don't know why. Do you love this stuff or do you like this stuff? Are you wearing stuff that you really want to wear?

Are you wearing what they told you you supposed to wear? I'm, I, I banned heels. I'm done with heels. I'm not doing it no more. Okay. I do because I that's what men like that's where the society tells you you should wear heels. You put a look better, be sexier with heels on my feet hurt. I'm not doing heels no more.

If you don't see I'm sexy, you don't [00:15:00] think I'm attractive with flats on. Then I don't know what to tell you. You're superficial. If that's going to be the breaking point that you don't want me because I don't wear heels, then we don't look good together. we got to start really thinking about what makes us happy.

Stop worrying about what society is telling you what looks good. 

Yes. 

And what does it? 

Yes. 

if you like them, yes, rock them, rock them all day. But if you don't, you shouldn't have to feel like I got to walk around my feet. I've been to so many functions. I see women walking out of the place with the hills in their hand.

They can't even get back to the car. But who are you making happy? You're in pain. So why are you in pain for people who don't even pay your bills or don't even care about if you, why do we do that? I think it's my ball now. It's like the matrix, you know, how you, this is in the matrix and you wake up. Like when I went to my awakening, I call it the awakening, like two years ago, I literally was like, and I was just looking around at everybody like, Oh my God, you got problems too.

Oh my God, you don't know what's going on either. [00:16:00] I realized the people that I put on these pedestals all these years are completely broken and don't know what's going on I thought that I look at people and I judge people by how they look. Right. Who they with, what they job, and they'll go, Oh, they got it going on.

Oh, they doing this and that. then come to find out when you really see what's happening. They have insecurity. So that's why they with these people because they feel like these people make them better. this is why they had a job because they know they don't know who they are. their title is who they are.

So they lose that job. They don't know what's going on. And so I realized like, Oh my gosh. I was idolizing these people who don't even know what is happening. And that's when I decided, like, I have to get it together, 

What do you say to the others in the matrix to help them to see?

You know, it's kind of what your journey is. Like I said, I believe in God, so that's going to be my forefront. there's other people that believe in other things and that's understandable, whatever your source is, whatever your divine is, whatever brings you sense to yourself, [00:17:00] do some soul searching and, reading is really fundamental.

I have a master's degree. I read just to read what I had to read. I didn't go deeper than what you asked me to do. But now I use audibles a lot. I download books. I listen to them. There are so many books out there that really changed my life.

That's the name of the book. Four degrees. Four degrees. Okay. 

Four agreements. 

Oh, four agreements. That's a really good one. 

agreements. Yeah. That changed me. And how did that change you?

Because four simple things do not take things personal. He said in the book, if someone shoots you in your head, don't take it personal. It got nothing to do with you. It's got to do with the other person and how they feel about themselves. Yeah. But people cut you off when you drive and they flipping your finger.

Don't take it personal. They're listening. They, they not happy. It's them. What people bring to you is who they feel about themselves. So when you deal with nasty people, deal with people who are not [00:18:00] happy, they don't, they not, they not happy in their own lives and they got to take you with them. Yeah, let's pray for them and just say, Oh, I feel bad for you.

I see that you upset. I see your life is not where you want it to be. Got nothing to do with you. That changed the whole way I looked at people because I, you know, I'm a New Yorker. I'm clapping back I'm going to get you before you get me. that's how we roll. That's how we do it here.

See, I had to realize that's not how it works. A lot of times you may look silly. You may look like somebody's getting over in you. You may look like they won this. I don't know what to say. Pretend competition, whatever it is comes in, yeah, but it's not what it is. you got to stop worrying what people think your piece is so much important than trying to win this little crazy little battle, going back and forth with someone as you get older especially in our fifties and older stress will kill you.

Yes, it will. There ain't no question if it will, if you allow people to get your heart [00:19:00] rate up and your pressure up that's what happens when you get upset, your pressure gets raised your body goes through these changes, and sometimes some people don't come back from it, you know, so you got to realize it's not that argument really worth your life.

Really? What's the life of deaf? Is it really worth your life just to fight over a parking space? Is it worth your life just to fight over someone who said they're going to do something and they didn't do it? Is it really that serious? I started putting stuff in perspective. And that's why I'm saying when you read books or listen to books, listen to the simplicity of it.

It's simple things. It's simple things. That we make difficult because we got to either prove a point or we got to win a battle. That's what we usually have to do. 

Yeah. So you talk about talking about this for agreements, finding your peace. You talk about wringing out your sponge does that have to do with.

don't take things personal and keep your peace. Tell us about what that means. 

Ray got just [00:20:00] funds is a workshop slash, journal book that I have on Amazon. And what happened was I was doing my talk show one night and we were talking about something and then it came up about. topic. And I said, well, it's like you have to wring out your sponge because how can you absorb new information if your sponge is saturated with old belief systems and processes?

My co, show host said, wait, what'd you just say? I said, wring out your sponge. She said, did you understand what you just said? You need to tag it, tweet it. The simplest thing makes so much. It made me realize everything you need to say in that one little phrase, bring it out your sponge.

And I said, well, I never thought of it, but okay. And then I went home and really thought about it. I said, I can really do something with this. That analogy really, resonates with people. So I decided to do a journal and I wrote a journal about it. And then I have a course coming out that's going to help you bring out your sponge.

So what we do is we acknowledge you're good. We acknowledge [00:21:00] everything that you love and everything that, is good about you. Then we acknowledge the stuff that you're not happy about and things you need to change, then we work on it. So we bubble up that stuff first and get it to a point that you can acknowledge it.

when you acknowledge it, you change that monster and it's not as bad as you think it is. then we tackle those. so we bring out the sponge and at the end we absorb new processes, new ideas, new belief systems, and we'll, we'll, we'll put that stuff in that make you really live in your purpose.

So we get over the obstacles to be a better you. And then we get you to where the street of going to your purpose is so you can start working on your purpose and why God really has you here. We are so wrapped up in all this foolishness. I'm glad you're here for a reason when you were birthed.

You came with a purpose. God don't have you walking in this earth just to play around. He has something for us to do. And it takes time, but we figured that out and we do it in his word and his name, we go ahead and work it out, but you got to figure out what it is.

Yeah. And do you think [00:22:00] that's a cycle? So you wring out your sponge and you get to one place and then you have to start back again and wring it out again, to get deeper and deeper, 

Right. And it just kind of, where are you at in life?

I could say do page five or do page 10. I can't really tell you that you had to go where you go because you're different in that person here and that person there. So you gotta go where you're comfortable with and then gradually get deeper and deeper and deeper in it.

And my book is repetitious. So it will have a section and then it repeats that same section again, and then it repeats it again. So you can continue to learn how to do certain things. one thing is I have validation issues and that was my thing. I needed a guy to tell me how beautiful I was.

So I need you to tell me how great I am. and I realized I don't need you to tell me that because I already know I am that, I don't need you to tell me that. So I work on that. Then I go back and say, well, I had low self esteem.

Let me work on that. So you can just break it down. Just like you said, just break it down. 

Just break it down. You talked about, how you realize your gifts. We're [00:23:00] already part of who you were. And that's how you got there. 

How do we get to the point where we can see our true selves and not the self, after say you're 50 years old and you're still like, I don't know what I'm doing. How do you peel away all that stuff that. Somebody told you, you should be, or what social media or that title, how do you get to that part where you look back and you realize, you know what, that's what I'm good at.

I've been doing it the whole time. How do we do that? Will that take us there? 

Yeah, because when you talk about how great you are and things that you love about yourself, see, We start off with that. So you write all that out. You literally write, what have I accomplished?

What was my greatest moment? What made me smile? What makes me happy? What I love doing the most. And you take all those things and you have like a whiteboard and you look at it. Now, my board would say, I love socializing. I love helping people. I love networking. I love motivating people. Then you say, okay, well, those things, what can you do with those [00:24:00] things?

Well, I could be a motivational speaker because I love to motivate. I could actually work in the entertainment industry I like networking, or I could work in a field that networking is really vital, I can have conferences because I love bringing people together and helping them.

I could do the motivation. I could bring people together. We come together. I could do everything in that one thing that was satisfying me so much to have a conference because I could do everything I love right there. So that's how you start piecing it together. You start with single words.

And then you think about what you can do with those words that will make you happy. you say, well, I love reading. I love, working out. You go, okay, you love working out. Do you love helping people work out? Or do you like working out by yourself? You like to help people? You ever thought about being a personal trainer or being a fitness instructor?

You love reading. if you had a job being an editor or working at a newspaper or magazine, would that make you happy? Because you love reading. 

Yeah, 

that could be something you love to do. Did you ever think about that? people think of this stuff as dream jobs, like, oh, that wouldn't happen to you.

That happens [00:25:00] to people on TV But if you are a reader and you love editing you could work at these places and have your dream job and do what you do every day and love it. We, we box ourselves. We don't see ourselves being bigger than where we at or where we see us around.

That's why it's so important to network the people like you and me, people that would like to podcast and like to help others, you need to network with people to keep your vibrations up to be able to do more if you're the only person doing it 

You're not going to elevate because no one's going to push you Like I told you, I liked your newsletter. I peeped that because that's how you should do it. That's, that's how you, you learn stuff when you around people that do what you do.

That's true. 

And there's enough for everyone that, you know, you don't have to be, Oh, I don't want them to bite me. That's not how it works. There's billions of people in this world. We are virtual. it's not your town. It's not your state. We are virtual. You could touch billions of people with your podcast.

It's [00:26:00] enough for everyone. 

You know, there is enough for everyone. And there are enough people to network with. So going back to that conversation you had with that gentleman that changed everything for you. If you had that conversation again, what would you say? You have to say something.

What would it be? 

say something. 

Okay. So I can't just hang up on him. No. 

That's a good question. if I had to see him again, I would tell him, thank you. I would tell him thank you because God aligned you. The divine order is real. He did his job.

He did what he was supposed to do. He wasn't there to be with me. He was there to wake me up. I would say to him, thank you. Because without what happened to me, I would not be where I'm at right now. I'll be on that next date doing the same dumb mess. But you waking me up by taking me to that point of no return.

So thank you. I will honestly thank him. He changed my life. 

That's a literal wake up call. [00:27:00] Literal wake up. 

he called me and woke me up. Yes. I'm sitting there telling somebody how great I am. What in the world? Let me get out of this phone. 

And so everyone who's listening, what's your wake up call and don't miss it.

if you met your younger self, go even a little bit further back. What's the one piece of advice you would give her? 

If I had met my younger self, I would have said in college in 1988, I was a virgin until I was 19 years old and did what I thought everybody else was doing.

I didn't have that self value to say, you know what, I don't care what they're doing. I'm doing what I was supposed to be doing. it saved me a lot of heartache. I would tell myself to continue that path because greatness is going to happen. And you're going to be rewarded for doing right.

Don't worry about what everybody's doing. That's going to be temporary and it's not going to last. as I'm 30 years out of college. None of it lasted. [00:28:00] Everybody thought they had it going on. None of them last and they all did other things in life. I wish I could just 

take some kids and shake them. Like, I know right now it seemed like it's the end of the world, but I'm telling you, give it five years. You're going to look back and go, what was his last name? You're not even going to remember his last name. I promise you that. So I would tell my younger self to continue what you were doing because you're doing right Regina.

Don't let nobody get you off your path. But divine order and life brings you in places that those life lessons had to be taught to me because I didn't know who I was because I was hiding my adoption. That wouldn't change I would eventually got that way because I wasn't really right inside.

Right. 

Yeah. That's what I was going to ask next. would that have helped you avoid all the other stuff you had to go through to learn or would you have learned it earlier or did you have to just go through that so you can wake up? 

I would have to, receive it. I will go through it again because.

Even me and my [00:29:00] birth family. I wasn't the same person then that I am now. How would I receive them? How would they receive me? sometimes you need some wisdom and age on you with certain things. So I don't know how it would have been if I met them in my thirties or twenties. I don't know.

Yeah. I really appreciate what happened because I'm at a point in my life that I had to work on me to be able to say, I got to understand and take people who they are. You know, when you're adopting me, your birth family, it's nice. And all the first little meeting, you know, you're on TV, you see everybody screaming and hugging when the credits roll, the real life starts y'all.

Yeah. So when the credit roll and everybody go, okay, cut. Now I got to look at you go, Oh, you're my dad. You're my mom. I don't know you. you had to learn these people and their ways. sometimes you, see your ways. That you never saw before or your mannerisms or the way you look, it was so many things I learned that, from my birth family that I inherited with them, you know, some temperaments and stuff about me.

Yeah. So it's a lot to take in. [00:30:00] I don't think I could handle this 20 years ago. 

So tell me a little bit more about what that's like and, How it helps you to grow because I don't know what that's like to meet my birth family for the first time at any point in time.

do you feel that, if you went through life not having that experience you would have been the same, or do you feel like that helps you grow even more? 

It helped me grow even more because that whole experience of adoption, the way I got to the point I'm at now is I faced it. I went ahead and found them because the only way I'll be able to move on is to acknowledge it, acknowledge it to a point that I could tell people and actually go find these people because that was a void that I had.

You know, I had abandonment issues and not abandonment issues like I wasn't raised, like my parents raised me. They did an amazing job. I had every opportunity. I never went without. I was able to get my education. I had a great life, you know, hands down. Great [00:31:00] life. But when you adopt it, it's still something that you cannot describe to people because it's a void, you know, and people think that when you adopt it, you're supposed to be just happy that somebody took you.

What are you complaining about? Somebody adopted you. There's people out there don't have parents as far as the kids looking for parents. Why are you talking about you got a boy? You got a boy, you got someone to put you in, but you can't explain it to a person who has not been adopted. You know what I'm saying?

Like I always use the example. I'm a mother, identical twin boy. Okay. I birthed them, but I'm not a twin. I don't know what twins feel like. I don't know when they have this little thing going on with them and they can talk to each other and don't open their mouths I can't tell you how that is.

I'm not a twin. I birthed them, but I'm not one. That's how it feels when you try to tell an adopted kid how they should feel. Yeah, everybody's gonna feel differently. Some adopted kids don't want to find their parents. Some of them do. Some of them scared they want to, but they don't know the end result.

Some of them say, I'll wait till my parents die because I don't want to show them that I didn't honor them [00:32:00] by trying to find my other family. That's a lot of stuff that's happened with us. And that's another thing that I wrote a book about my adoption, the unknown blessing. I wrote about my experience.

It was hoping to help other people. And I'm glad that God touched. I'm going to ask other people to call me and tell me this book really helped me. I'm going to go find my dad. Like there's people I know that I'm close to that I didn't even know their dads weren't really their dads.

they call them totally. Like, I'm going to do it. I'm going to find out who he is, because I need to know where I came from. You know how you come 50? You see life a little different. you see that, you know, I've been here half a century. And you really start, don't care what people think no more.

You say, you know what, I need to find out who I am. I can feel something ain't right here, because even though you's living your life, You have kids. You're like, well, your kids should know where they come from now. It's not even about you no more.

My medical, I need to know my medical history. Do we have problems that I need to get pre screened for? so many levels of adoption [00:33:00] that a lot of people don't talk about. They just talk about the, Oh, you adopted this baby and they happy.

Then they talk about, Oh, you found your birth parents. You're happy. There's a middle. That's a lot of middle that people are not talking about. I have three or four adopted friends. And we all got the same issues. We all have validation issues. We all got abetment issues. We all been divorced. We all had, low self esteem.

Wow. 

Because it's in, think about it. One of, Joy Brown, she's a, she's adoptee and she's an advocate for adoption. She's, she's a beautiful woman. she was on my show and she was telling me, Imagine your mother giving birth to you when she's stressed out, she's a young teen, she don't know if she's coming or going, she don't really know about getting healthcare.

And you're developing in all of that, just like they tell you to put a speaker on your belly so they can hear the music. Let your husband speak to the baby so they know his voice. [00:34:00] Well, If you're stressed and screaming and hollering and the boyfriend don't want the baby and you're screaming and hollering and, and you don't know, you're crying because you're scared to tell your mother you're pregnant and hiding it.

That's developing in me. you're bringing that stuff. to me just like the good stuff is coming to me. So think about it. It's some kind of connection with that DNA stuff that you coming in with, most, you know, adopting parents are young. 

Right. And they're lost and they're confused and they're trying to do the best thing they could do, but they live in a situation that every day, they know they got to give you up Mental psyche's happening. They, they feeling you move, but they know they got to apart from you when they give birth to you.

You don't know how that affects us brain wise. 

you wrote the book, someone's listening, they're 50 or over and they haven't told anyone. What would you advise them to do? 

Tell [00:35:00] yourself first, accept it to you first. Tell yourself. a lot of times we keep going, we know that we don't look like these people, but we lie.

I lied. I lied because my grandma was tall. Cause I'm the tallest in my family. I'm 5'10 My dad is 5'8 My mom's 5'2 None of the men in my family is tall. I'm taller than most of the men in my family. There's a couple of them that's tall, I used to say, Oh, I look at my grandma's side.

My grandma, you know, cause my uncles, my great uncles on my grandma's side are real tall. I just claimed them. As you know, the reason why. So I've been lying to people all my life. 

And it sounds like lying to yourself is the first step or the hardest step or the most crucial step to make. 

Cause after you get yourself 

together, telling everybody else is fine. That's easy. Yeah. To tell yourself that first and accept that you are, and it's nothing wrong with it. I had nothing to do with that. I was a baby. Right. I accepted this. Like I did something. I didn't do anything. [00:36:00] My mother could do what she had to do.

And that's understandable. And I love her for what she did. Yeah. I think that that's the hardest thing you could do because I've been pregnant and I get it. I couldn't imagine having given birth from my kids and they say, here you go. 

Yeah. 

I couldn't imagine it, but she did it because she knew that I will have a better life.

And she knew that she wouldn't be able to provide for me in a way that she would want me to be provided for. She named me Regina. She named me queen. I decided to start acting like a queen. Put on my crown, tilt it and rock, let's make this happen because I'm not going to disappoint her because she named me queen for a reason.

And I had to start acting like one and stop sitting here acting like I don't deserve this. I'm sad and talking about, Oh, I wish I was like this person. I wish I was like that. Always want to be like someone else. I'm good enough where I am. I don't need to be like nobody.

I don't want to be like nobody. I want to be Regina. The one that is named queen. I'm going to act like that myself as such. So mom, I [00:37:00] didn't meet my birth mom. She passed away before I got a chance to meet her, but my way of honoring her is to live the life that she dreamed for me to live by naming me queen.

So that's what I'm doing now. 

Yeah. So for all those. moms who gave their Children up for adoption you didn't get to meet your mom. She passed away before she met you. What would you advise those moms who gave their Children up whether it's a closed adoption or open.

What would you advise them to do, should they ever meet or not get to meet their Children. I'm purposely not guiding that question because I want to see what you say. 

I believe that if you're a birth mom, it's different than it was when I went through it because I was born in the seventies, but lately open adoption is the end thing.

Usually the birth parents are involved with the children's lives. They know them, they kind of raise them together So I would say if you were one of those [00:38:00] back in the days that had a closed adoption as a birth mother, I would say to you is kind of step outside of you and try to reach out to 'em.

Try to find 'em. 'cause a lot of times they scared. They scared, they think you're gonna reject them. They scared because they think you mad at them because what they did, you'll be surprised. of what could happen in a relationship you could develop with your children, even if they groan.

I still like, I'm literally, as I speak to you, I'm at my dad's house, my birth dad, we have a great relationship from day one. I, we visit each other all the time. Like I said, I'm here visiting him now. we learn in each other and, you know, he loves me, I love him and, you know, he wasn't there to raise me.

He met me at 50 years old, but we just started right that day. And we just develop our relationship from that day. And, you know, anything I need he calls me every single day. He texts me every single day, baby, how you doing? Good morning. How you been, what's going on? We have long conversations.

We talk about life. [00:39:00] So, you know, it's not, like, Oh, he's going to be at my prom. He's going to be, no, we pass all that. Right. He's at a point now that. We are able to enjoy each other and just be in each other company. So I would say to adopted, I mean, to birth parents, go out there and find your children.

Just let them know this. You want to be able to say what you got to say, you don't want days go by and say what I could have, should have, it's scary. Yeah. It is. It's very scary, but when you rather try to not try, and they still have that would've could've should've on you.

never know, it might be the best thing you ever did. 

Yes. you see the greatness that you created. You don't know where that person is or what they doing. Like, you know, you definitely have a good relationship with them as adults. 

Yeah. 

Yeah. 

So give us a little bit of advice from your playbook.

What I know you [00:40:00] mentioned the four agreements. Are there any other books that you would advise all women to read? We have your ring out your sponge and the workbook. We definitely want to tap into that because that's how we get ourselves on the road to our purpose, which I think if you don't find that, then your life was missed.

It's called the 30 day mental diet. 

Okay. 

Yes. 30 day mental diet. It's actually a 30 day book. It only takes you five minutes to read in the morning, five minutes to read at night. You got to write a couple of sentences of what they asked you to do, I won't tell you everything, but I can tell you it tells you Who you are in the universe that we live in.

It tells you how important you make this universe. Every single person is the reason why we're here. we all make this world go around and it explains how important you are. it tells you, that, you are someone and you are here to serve this world. I would recommend that book [00:41:00] because if you don't know who you are, it starts telling you and guiding you in a way to figure out who you are.

that's the beginning stages of my healing. That was the first thing I read. My life coach, that's the first book she gave me. And we talked about it every week in every chapter. it made sense. I started feeling better about myself. I started realizing that, God has me here to do something.

What's my job, what I got to do, you know? Now I find a reason to do, cause I'm like, Oh, this is what he wants me to do. So I would say that now the other book that I read was by, Yvonne Orgy. She's the, insecure co star, Issa Rae's co star. Her name is Ronna O'Leary. And she wrote a book about Jesus, bamboozled me into my perfect life 

I think it's the main title of the book. I had, download on Audibles, that book, man. I would say to anyone who wants to be entertained, someone that Knows the Bible, but really she breaks the [00:42:00] Bible down in today's terms and today's language and lingo and she's she's cool. She's hip hop She's r& b and she breaks it down in a way that you get it she tells the stories in the Bible in a way that you like, yo, you know, we were rocking, we were going over here, we tried to do this, like the way she talks, it will resonate to a lot of people who don't really know the Bible, and she kind of tricks you into learning the Bible, and the stories about her life, and she basically tells you, Trust, trust God's divine order.

Trust the process. Things are not going to always happen the way you want it, but those things that didn't work out for you now, four years from now is going to actually be the reason why you got there because you're going to meet a person who you think is not important. But you just met him for that brief moment.

That person is going to be the one that's going to elevate your career over here five years later. she tells you things that happened to her and how that [00:43:00] she didn't understand what happened and why she, you know, being broke. And why she ended up losing, but she had to lose because she had to move over here at this other place that she met someone else that the one that helped her get where she had to go.

It's amazing. That book is amazing. Hands down. 

Okay. 

I would recommend that book. 

to spend both with me. Yeah. I'm going to download that on Audible right now. Tell 

I'm telling you, I couldn't stop listening to it. Every story she told is amazing.

She does a great job telling it. I recommend that to anyone. I wish I could meet her in person. I'm going to meet her one day. I just wanted to tell her, Yvonne, that book was slamming. 

I can't wait to listen to it. We got to put this as an advertisement for her book.

This is great. Yeah, you have to. 

you. 

Yeah. It was a good surprise. Okay. What other things are there left for you to learn? Do you feel that there's a crevice or a nook or cranny that you still have to dig out? And if so, if you want to share that with us, please share it with us.

Oh yeah, I still want to learn. I want to get [00:44:00] deeper with me. I want to get deeper with God. I'm scratching surfaces and I'm getting deep, I always believe I lived this life for 50 years. It's going to take me, Years to figure this thing out too. It's not gonna happen overnight, but every day I feel better and better.

I'm optimistic. I know my future is going to be bright. I'm looking forward to, doing all this stuff on a whole nother level. Next year, this time I'm going to be somewhere that I dreamt of. I know it's going to happen.

God promised me. God promised me abundance. God promised me glory. He promised me amazing things. He promised me that I won't suffer. He promised that to me. I'm just here to collect. 

Yeah. 

I'm here to collect. 

Yeah. 

He already told me I have it. I'm just here to collect.

It's going to happen. people are like, Oh, so no, it's going to happen. I can tell you what I want and I can take the end result that middle. That's him. I can't tell you. Now he's like, well, I thought you said you wouldn't get it. you lost money here. You didn't get this.

That's part of the process. You're going to go [00:45:00] through things, ups and downs, valleys, but you know the end result. You're going to get what you're supposed to get, but you got to, that's how that book shit, I'm telling you, get that book. That middle is what people always trying to maneuver.

You got to leave the middle alone, just tell him what you want at the beginning, tell him how you want your end and just go through the journey. Let him do the impossible. You do the possible. That's all you need to do. Let him do the impossible. start trying to control everything and then it'll work out.

I had to learn that. Can't control that. 

message that so many women need to hear. That's a message that I need to hear because we're just trying to control the middle because, you know, if we just do this over here, that'll get me there.

And he's just like, but he's 

telling you, you have no 

idea what 

I want a thousand dollars. I just want a thousand dollars. But he's like, I could give you a million. Why? You just want a thousand? Oh, because that sounds about right.

a thousand sounds good. where you get that from? Who told you a thousand? Sounds good. That's all you want. You sure? I have a million right here. you are [00:46:00] worth this. You know that, right? Why do we limit ourselves? Why do we tell ourselves these things? Because we try to figure that middle out.

Well, I think we're going to get about thousand. How'd you know that? What'd you just say? I want abundance. 

Yeah, 

I want abundance. I want what you know in my heart that I need to help others. I, had to get myself out of that mindset to feel like I got to humble myself. Oh, you know, well, I don't need all that.

I just need enough to live, you know, just pay my bills. But how can you help other people? You tell them the Lord that you out here trying to help people. The world works with money. You need money to help others. So if you keep downplaying everything, you're not going to be able to help the people that you really want to help.

You have to have abundance to give back. That's how this works. 

Yeah. 

I want everything. I want every dime because I know what the money I get, I promise you, I will do right and I will help other people, but I need that abundance. 

Yeah. let it happen how it's going to happen.

That doesn't mean you just need to go play the lottery every day. you [00:47:00] might have a benefactor, you don't know where it's going to come from. Right. Exactly. 

And that's the scary open, right? 

Yes. 

People get scared because they go, well, I can't see that happening.

Okay. So let me tell you what proper three, five and six says. Not lean on your understanding, trusting God with all your heart. And he was straight on your crooked path, lean on his understanding, not yours. Your name is this big. His is this big. You're not going to see how you can get that. But he already has the roadmap and he already telling you, you're going to get it just complete.

And you learn lessons during that. Cause sometimes, like you said about the lotto, how many people win the lotto in about two or three years, they broke. 

percentage 

It's very high. And the reason why they are broke is because they didn't go through things to learn lessons to know how to receive that money at the end.

sometimes you ask for certain things, God give it to you, right. I want to win the lotto. Okay. You win the lotto. You're the same person before the lotto. You ain't gonna do nothing different but be the person with the lotto with more money. You're [00:48:00] gonna spend the money because you haven't learned anything.

when you do learn something and you get that abundance, you know how to manage it correctly, you'll be able to do what you gotta do with it. money doesn't solve everything. 

Right. 

It's the mindset. 

Yeah. 

And when you receive it, you can multiply it and do right by other people instead of just furnishing you and doing for you.

Yeah. And then it comes full circle right back to where you started. you've got to wring your sponge. You've got to change your mind. You've got to know yourself and find your purpose. 

find your belief system, reinvent your belief system because your belief systems is mostly on other people.

What they told you, you're supposed to live. Yes, 

and I could say probably if you haven't realized that yet. Your belief system is really been programmed by the world or something 

If you don't realize that, that means you have been living somebody's belief system. Yes. 

Love 

it. 

One is how can all of my listeners get in touch with you after this podcast is [00:49:00] over? 

Well, you can get in contact with me. Everything is less talk 1943. So you can reach me. I have my YouTube channel. Same thing. Let's talk 1943. my Gmail is the same thing. Let's talk 19 forty3@gmail.com. My website is www.letstalknineteenfortythree.com.

Okay. you could reach me at all those, all those. And if you want to, about my ring out your workshop, excuse me, we're not your sponge workshop. It's on my website. the journals are all on Amazon. My book and my three journals are on Amazon. So if you want to check that out, you can.

My name is Regina Smithwick. You could just pull that name in there and it'll pull up all my books. that's how you can reach me. 

You have found yourself. You found your purpose. God has blessed you with abundance. And God says, well done, good and faithful servant. You're about to leave and he's going to give you one opportunity to leave a message for the world. What would that be? 

Trust the process. Stop trying to figure it out on [00:50:00] your own and trust the process.

He will do you right if you trust him. 

Thank you so much for being here. No problem. Thank you.