The Ultimate Hand job Guide (For Every Body)

Most people treat hand jobs like a throwaway move—a lazy warmup or a teenage fallback. But done right? A hand job can be more intimate, dominant, and orgasmic than penetration or oral.

In honor of National Hand Job Day, I'm breaking down exactly how to use your hands to blow someone's mind—whether you're stroking a penis, massaging a vulva, or pleasuring a nonbinary partner. This is the Ultimate Hand Job Guide you never got in sex ed.

🖐️ You’ll learn:
 • What most people get wrong about hand sex
 • How to turn your hands into erotic instruments
 • Step-by-step techniques for penis and vulva pleasure
 • Where to touch (and how) for mind-blowing orgasms
 • Why lube is your best friend—and which kind to use
 • Dirty talk tips that turn touch into domination

✨ Bonus: A section on how to adapt these moves for all bodies, all genders, and all types of anatomy—because everyone deserves touch that turns them on.

👉 Want to watch the techniques or get guided self-pleasure practices? Join me on OnlyFans:  https://talksexwithannette.com/talk-sex-with-me/
💌 Coaching, blog, Substack, and more: https://talksexwithannette.com

If this episode leaves you wetter, harder, or more confident with your hands—drop a comment and tell me how it went. And don’t forget to subscribe for more sex-positive, shame-free pleasure education.

Check out how to touch a clit: https://youtu.be/EQ6Vsz1XIPQ

How to give a yoni massage: https://youtu.be/r_GBSSvdvWw

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to National Handjob Day
• 2:27 Setting the Scene for Hand Pleasure
• 4:00 Penis Pleasure: Five-Step Technique Map
• 8:11 Vulva Magic: Hand Techniques That Work
• 12:11 Beyond Binary: Pleasure for All Bodies
• 13:38 Your Handjob Challenge and Closing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:03

Do the sex pleasure and desire Around here. Nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats, our most trusted friends and, of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. If you've been here from the beginning, thank you, and if you're new, welcome to my podcast. Where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Now let's talk about sex Cheers In honor of National Handjob Day.

Speaker 1: 1:40

Today's topic is the ultimate handjob guide. Let's get real. When was the last time a handjob actually blew someone's mind? Most people treat them like a warm-up act, a stopgap, a lazy alternative to penetration or oral, and that's exactly why they're often forgettable or flat-out bad. But done right, a handjob can be more intimate, dominant and orgasmic than any other kind of touch. It's direct, it's visual, it puts you in control. And here's the kicker your hands can give someone a kind of pleasure your genitals can't recreate, not with penetration and not with toys. And yet most people are doing the same tired motions they learned at 17. So today, on National Handjob Day, we are giving hand sex the respect it deserves, because whether you're stroking a penis, massaging a vulva or exploring a non-binary lover's pleasure map, your hands can be the most erotic, versatile tool you own. And here's the science to back it up A 2013 study from the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that manual stimulation is directly associated with higher orgasm rates and better communication between partners, especially when people feel confident in doing it. That is what this episode is about Not just getting them off, but giving them something they'll crave again tomorrow. But before we dive in, I want to remind you that I am over on OnlyFans and there I am sharing my sex and intimacy how-tos and demonstrations, along with audio-guided self pleasure meditations all designed to help you start having better sex tonight and more pleasure. You can find me over on Substack doing a whole lot of the same and I'm in both places under the same handle at TalkSex with Annette. Now you can also scroll down to the description of this episode and you're going to find a link to all of the places you want to find me there. All right, let's get ready to talk about hand sex Cheers.

Speaker 1: 3:50

So we're going to start by setting the scene. We're going to turn your hands into erotic instruments. Let's start with the basics your hands Before you touch anything, they need to feel warm. Cold is a buzz kill. They need to feel smooth. Clip your and moisturize. Remove calluses. Clits are very, very sensitive.

Speaker 1: 4:14

Lube is not an option. It's the magic. Lube reduces friction, increases sensation and makes your partner feel relaxed, safe and turned on. For penises, silicone or hybrid lube is the best. It's long lasting and it creates a wonderful glide For vulvas. Water-based or pH safe lube. It's gentle, it's compatible with everything and that's going to be best for our people with vulvas.

Speaker 1: 4:42

So next we're going to set the mood. Don't rush in like you're rewiring a light switch, light a candle, play a dirty playlist. Look them in the eye and say don't move. I'm going to make you feel everything. Now we're ready. So we're going to start with penises, from the tease to the technique.

Speaker 1: 5:04

Giving a good handjob to man is not just about up and down. This is an orchestration. Here's your five-step handjob technique map. We're going to start with your grip game. Start with loose fingers and lots of lube. Grip too tight and they'll feel pressure, not pleasure. Instead, build the squeeze gradually as arousal arises. Think gentle at the tip, firmer near the base. Use your non-dominant hand to anchor the base and tease the underside. And here's a bonus move Use your palm to twist slightly at the top. Think salt grinder, but sexier. Second, use both hands. One hand strokes, the other hand. It gets to explore. You're going to explore the balls, cup and tug gently. You're going to want to ask your partner what feels good when it comes to their balls. Don't just go in aggressive. Then explore the perineum. It is a nerve-rich and super sensitive area. You can press just behind the balls and really light them up. Then you can also explore the inner thighs firm strokes while you tease the head of the penis. The more places you activate, the faster and deeper the orgasm.

Speaker 1: 6:26

Next, mix up the rhythm. Here's where most people mess up. They find one speed and they stick to it Instead. Think of it like dancing. You start with a slow tease, then you move into a medium rhythm, then there's a brief stop, slow again and then a fast twist right at the end. Varying rhythm keeps the brain on alert and research shows that surprise increases dopamine. And research shows that surprise increases dopamine, which fuels arousal and climax.

Speaker 1: 6:54

And don't forget to talk dirty with your hands. Add vocal layering. Say things like your cock looks so good in my hands, or don't you dare come yet, or tell me when you're about to lose it. Language turns a handjob into domination. You're not just touching them, you're owning them. And finally, when you're at the finish line, you've got two options Let them come in your hands, make eye contact, stroke through the orgasm, whisper something filthy. Or, number two, stop right before and edge them into madness. Either way, stay present. Don't treat the orgasm like a period on a sentence. Hold them, praise them, make it feel earned. All right, let's talk about vulva magic hand techniques that actually work. Now I've already created several how-to episodes on how to touch a clit, how to give a yoni massage. I'm going to tag them below, so make sure to go and watch those videos for a very in-depth how-to on how to pleasure someone who has a vulva.

Speaker 1: 8:05

But we're going to go over some basics right now. Let's be clear the vulva is not a dial you twist until something happens. This is orchestration meets patience, meets sensory intelligence. And here's how to make her body melt. Number one warm up everything. Start nowhere near the genitals. You can start with the inner thighs, the belly, the breast, the neck, the lower back. This activates her full arousal network, which is essential because women require longer arousal buildup for deep, pleasurable orgasms. Here's a fact According to the Kinsey Institute, it takes most women 20 minutes of foreplay to reach peak arousal. So if you're skipping the step, you're sabotaging the whole thing.

Speaker 1: 8:55

So now let's talk about the vulva massage. Now here's a quick basic vulva massage that you can use when you're giving a woman a hand job. Start with your flat palm, adding pressure over the vulva mound. Then move to using two fingers to trace the outer lips slowly and softly. Include some exploration, get to know her body. You can add in some gentle tugging on the inner lips Not painful, we're just teasing here. Use more lube than you think. This isn't about being fast, it's about being thorough. Remember the clit isn't a joystick. Treat it like a jewel.

Speaker 1: 9:43

When you're ready to head towards the clit, here are three techniques that will earn you an A in bed. First, try the spiral. Use a slick fingertip to trace tiny circles around the clit, never directly on it. Then try the tap and drag. Include some light tapping on the clit, mixed with soft downward pulls. And for women and people with vulvas who are especially sensitive, try the hood pull. This is a layering type of approach. You're going to gently tug on the clitoral hood up and down. It's sensitive and protective. So if your partner has a particularly sensitive clit, they will get pleasure out of this, but they won't get overstimulated or experience pain.

Speaker 1: 10:34

So here's a bonus tip Whisper what you are doing, say, tell me if this is too much or not enough Psychologically, giving her agency equals, faster, more satisfying orgasms. And finally, use penetration as an optional add-on. If she is ready, slowly insert one or two looped fingers, palm up, use a very subtle come here motion. It's more like a gentle tug to stroke the G spot while your other hand stays on her clit. Sink your rhythm and if she moans louder or moves towards you, you've struck gold. If not, back off, go slow again, tease her into begging.

Speaker 1: 11:21

So next let's go beyond the binary and talk about handjobs for all bodies and all people. Not everyone's parts look the same, but pleasure maps exist for all bodies and here's how you can adapt. Ask what words feel right. So penis might feel okay for someone, clit, the other some people like front hole, cock, etc. Make sure you're honoring what feels best to your partner. Next, check in about pressure and lube.

Speaker 1: 11:51

Some bodies get really overstimulated. Focus on nerve ridges, zones, inner thighs, nipples, perineum, shaft-like areas, anus, neck, and use a flat palms and rhythm, not just fingertips, especially for dysphoric days. Remember, it's not about technique. It's about presence, permission and power. This is where it's really important to be good at communication and to be able to talk to people about what feels best in their body. You might be surprised at how different all bodies are, regardless of identity, and a good handjob it can bring pleasure to all bodies. So here's your National Handjob Day Challenge Tonight give a handjob like it's a fucking art form, not a favor, not a placeholder, a fully embodied erotic gift, whether it's a penis or a vulva or a bit of both.

Speaker 1: 12:50

Use your hands to worship, to tease, to own and to awaken. Start with lube, add intention and watch what happens. When someone realizes you can bring them to the edge with nothing but your fingers and a look that says I know exactly what I'm doing. After you've tried one of my techniques, tell me what you did and how it worked. Or did I miss a tip that's really important for my listeners to know about? Drop it below Now.

Speaker 1: 13:18

If you are looking for a wing woman, a cheerleader or perhaps a sex and intimacy coach a cheerleader or perhaps a sex and intimacy coach I'm your girl. I have my books open for coaching now, and if you want to find out more about that and how I can help you in your own pleasure journey, just head to TalkSexWithAnettecom and check out my information there. You can also always email me to Annette at TalkSexWithAnettecom, or you can head to the description below this episode and click on my speak pipe link and send me a voice note and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Until next time, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.