How to Plan a Threesome (Without Making It Weird or Wrecking Your Relationship)

Ever fantasized about a threesome—but worried it might get… complicated?
In this episode, I break down exactly how to plan a threesome without turning it into an emotional mess. From red and green flags when choosing a third to the real reasons you shouldn’t go there, we’re covering the stuff most people skip.

✅ Why your reason for having a threesome matters
 🚩 Signs the third might be a bad fit
 💬 The conversations you must have before anything happens
🔥 And how to set boundaries that keep things hot and healthy

Whether you’re just curious or seriously planning one, this guide will help you avoid the drama and do it right.

💌 Want a part two on how to actually execute a threesome without wrecking your relationship? Leave a comment with the word “THREE.”

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Talk Sex with Annette
• 2:22 Fantasy vs Reality of Threesomes
• 5:36 Good vs Bad Reasons
• 6:43 Finding the Perfect Third
• 8:45 Setting Essential Boundaries
• 10:27 Next Steps and Coaching Offer

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:03

Do the sex pleasure and desire Around here. Nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats, our most trusted friends and, of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. If you've been here from the beginning, thank you, and if you're new, welcome to my podcast. Where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Now let's talk about sex Cheers.

Speaker 1: 1:38

Today's Talk Sex with Annette topic is how to plan a threesome without making it weird or wrecking your relationship. Weird or wrecking your relationship. Did you know that some research suggests that threesomes can potentially enhance intimacy and communication within a relationship, but only if they are approached with careful consideration and preparation. Let's be real. The idea of a threesome it's hot, it's taboo and if you're watching this, it's probably crossed your mind more than once. But here's the part no one talks about. Planning a threesome is way sexier in theory than in practice, unless you actually know what you're doing. Because if you don't, you're not just risking one awkward night, you're gambling with trust, jealousy and emotional fallout that can wreck your relationship jealousy and emotional fallout that can wreck your relationship. So in this episode, I'm walking you through exactly how to plan a threesome without turning it into a disaster or a therapist's full-time job. We're talking green flags, red flags and good reasons to have threesomes, terrible ones, and how to pick a third who's more than just a warm body and can make it incredible instead of tearing your relationship apart. But before we dive in, I want to remind you that I'm over on OnlyFans and there I'm sharing my intimacy, how-tos and audio-guided self-pleasure meditations all designed to help you start having better intimacy tonight, and you can find me in both places by my handle at TalkSexWithAnette. Of course, you can scroll down to the notes in this section and you're going to find links everywhere you want to find me below. But for now, let's dive in and talk about how to plan your dream threesome Cheers.

Speaker 1: 3:31

Let's start here Fantasy versus reality. 95% of men and 87% of women reported having fantasies about intimacy with multiple partners and, according to some polls, as many as 24% of men and 8% of women had already had threesomes and that's being conservative. So know that you're definitely not alone. But fantasizing about a threesome and actually navigating one in the real world, well, there are two different planets. In fantasy, no one catches feelings, no one gets jealous, and everyone comes at the same time. In reality, the moment your partner makes more eye contact with a third than you, you're spiraling. Or worse, you're realizing halfway through that no one actually asked the third what they wanted. So if you want to avoid awkward silence, the next day regrets or the classic we thought it'd bring us closer breakup, keep listening. Here's a bonus stat A 2020 study in the archives of sexual behavior found that while most people who had threesomes reported them as positive experiences, those who skipped the clear boundaries and the emotional prep were far more likely to regret it. So let's make sure that doesn't happen to you.

Speaker 1: 4:49

Let's move on to why are you doing this? The good reasons versus the bad reasons. Let's get brutally honest. Your reason for wanting a threesome matters. Here are some good reasons. One you're both curious and craving shared adventures. Two, you've talked about it for a while and you want to explore something new together. Three, you're both secure in your relationship and know how to communicate about jealousy, boundaries and emotions. So now let's talk about the bad reasons. One you think it will fix your sex life. This might be the worst reason of all. This is a hard no, don't do it. Two, one of you is trying to keep the other one from cheating. Three you haven't actually talked about what happens if someone gets triggered, left out or unexpectedly emotional. If the threesome is a last-ditch band-aid or one partner is pushing the other who feels pressured pause, you're not ready yet, and that's not judgment, that's just protection.

Speaker 1: 5:55

Okay, let's move on to red flags and green flags for finding a third. You've decided you're ready. How do you avoid picking the worst possible person for the experience? This is key. Here are some red flags they only want to play with one of you and are ignoring the other. Two they're flaky, drunk or looking for drama. Three they've never heard the word boundary and they say things like I'm just down for whatever. Four, they're a friend who one of you secretly has unresolved feelings, for this is not a movie, don't do it.

Speaker 1: 6:33

Here are some green flags in a third. One, they ask what you want, what your boundaries are and if there's anything they should know to help you feel safe. Two they're experienced or at least educated. Three they're attracted to both of you and interested in connecting with your dynamic, not just getting off. They prioritize communication and consent period. That is incredibly important. A study from Sexuality and Cultural Journal found that couples who report high satisfaction after threesomes had one thing in common. Thirds, who respected the couple's dynamic and honored all discussions and boundaries. And for something more surprising, there's growing research around a type of attraction called symbiosexuality, where someone is turned on by the couple dynamic itself. These people aren't trying to join or disrupt. They're drawn to your shared energy. If you want a little shortcut, finding the ideal, third, apps like Field and Open are built for ethical non-monogamy and can make it easier to find like-minded folks.

Speaker 1: 7:45

And if you meet someone at a party or a play event, don't skip the post-flirt debrief. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. Speaking of debriefs, let's talk about boundaries, rules and the debrief that saves relationships. Before anything happens, you need to sit down and have a talk, and I don't mean the awkward. Here's what to cover what's on the menu and what's off limits. Is kissing okay? Is penetration who touches who? What happens if one of you wants to stop mid-scene? So pro tip always have a safe word, even in non-kink situations. Additional things to discuss while you stay the night together, while the third leave afterward? Yes, this matters. How will you reconnect afterward?

Speaker 1: 8:43

Some couples plan a private moment after to debrief emotionally and physically. It can help prevent what just happened. Whiplash and don't skip the next day check-in. You might think you're fine in the moment, only to realize later that something didn't sit right. And that's not failure, that's just feedback. If you're still with me, that means you're not just curious, you're thoughtful, intentional and maybe even ready to do this right away.

Speaker 1: 9:11

But here's the thing Planning is just the beginning. Planning is just the beginning. What happens during the threesome is a whole other conversation, because that's when the real emotions, unexpected turns and hot as hell surprises show up. So if you want me to break down exactly how to execute a threesome without wrecking your relationship or feeling like a deer caught in the headlights, drop the word or number three in the comments or DM me three and I will create another video to walk you through what to do once you are in the sack with your third. And if you've had a threesome and you think I've missed something or you want to share how it went the good, the bad, the completely crazy I'm here for it. Drop your comment below. If you are watching or listening to this on YouTube, if you're my audio listener, you can always head over to YouTube or you can scroll down to the notes section below.

Speaker 1: 10:00

Send me a speak pipe or send me an email at Annette at TalkSexWithAnnettecom. If you are a couple and you are wanting to plan a threesome and you want someone to help you, you want, let's say, a woman, a cheerleader or a guide. My intimacy coaching books are open. Feel free to email me to net at talksexwithanettecom. I would be thrilled to help you. You can also find out more about my coaching at talksexwithanettecom. Head on over there. Find out all about what I have to offer you as a coach. So until next time, folks, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.