How To Use Your Hands to Make Her Orgasm! 4 Steps

Why does it feel like everything is working… until it suddenly isn’t?

You’re touching her.
 She’s aroused.
 She’s close.
 And then—her body pulls away, the moment disappears, and the orgasm never lands.

In this episode, intimacy coach Annette breaks down the most common mistake people make with their hands that actually stops orgasms instead of creating them—and why trying harder often makes it worse.

This isn’t about fancy techniques or doing more.
 It’s about pressure, rhythm, consistency, and restraint—and understanding how the body actually responds to touch.

You’ll learn:

• Why hands are one of the most powerful (and most misused) tools for orgasm
• How changing stimulation too often interrupts climax
• The difference between arousal and overload
• What to do when it’s working—and why that’s the moment most people mess it up
• How to create the conditions where her body can finish what it starts

If you’ve ever thought, “I was doing everything right… so why did it stop?”
This episode will answer that.

No shame.
 No gimmicks.
 Just clear, grounded guidance on how to touch with confidence—and stop unintentionally interrupting pleasure.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And New Show Name
• 4:03 The Problem: Killed Momentum
• 5:43 Offers: OnlyFans, Substack, Coaching
• 6:44 Why Hands Are Powerful
• 9:04 The Science Of Steady Stimulation
• 10:29 Step One: Start Slower
• 12:14 Step Two: Pressure Plus Rhythm

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 1:29

Do the sex. I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talk and Shots. The show has a new name, Talk Sex with Annette. But at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious, and speak the unspoken about sex, kink, dating, pleasure, and desire. Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats, our most trusted friends, and of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest, and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. If you've been here from the beginning, thank you. And if you're new, welcome to my podcast where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Now, let's talk about sex. Cheers. Right low. Today's Talk Sex with the Net topic is how to use your hand to guide her to that big, beautiful climax. Let's talk about a very specific frustration. You're touching her, she's aroused, everything should be working. And yet she doesn't get there. Or she gets close and then suddenly nothing. She pulls away, her body goes quiet, and you're left thinking, what the hell am I missing? Here's the truth no one tells you. Most orgasms don't fail because you're doing the wrong thing. They fail because your hands are killing the build before her body can finish. Too fast, too much, too many changes. These are the issues. Today I'm going to show you how to use your hands to actually bring her to a full climax. Not almost, not someday, and not, well, it was nice though. You know what I'm talking about. This is for anyone who's been trying harder and getting nowhere. But before we dive in, I want to remind you that I'm over on OnlyFans. And there I am sharing my intimacy, how-tos demos and audio guided self-pleasure meditations. My demos include step-by-step guides that are very specific. You can find them there. I'm also over on Substack doing a whole lot of the same. And I'm also offering some one-on-one coaching opportunities. That's right. You can get a taste of sex and intimacy coaching there with one-off questions. So you can find me on both at talk sex withinet. That's my handle. Of course, you can scroll down to the links below and you're going to be able to find me wherever you want to find me. And I can't wait to see you there. But for now, let's dive into how to engage in hand play. That's going to end in a big back arching, mind-blowing. Oh cheers. So let's start with why hands matter so much. Hands are precise in a way that mouths and bodies aren't. They can control pressure, rhythm, consistency, timing, and they can do all of that with intention. Hands can stay exactly where they are without fatiguing too quickly, like other body parts, and without distraction and without losing focus. That makes them one of the most reliable ways to bring someone to that big, beautiful O. But it's also why people tend to mess this up. People tend to overdo it or overperform with their hands, trying to prove how good they are. They move too much, they change what they're doing too often, and they chase reactions the second they get some positive feedback, a gasp, a sigh, a twitch of the hips, instead of allowing sensation to build. And here's a big surprise for a lot of people orgasm doesn't come from novelty for women and AFAB people. Study after study shows orgasms come from steady, predictable stimulation. The body can relax into long enough to feel embodied pleasure and then let go. So here are four simple steps to guiding her to the big O with just your hands. Let's get into it. Step one is start slower than you think. If your goal is to get her to orgasm, where your hands start matters. Hands should begin away from obvious sexual contact, but clearly moving in that direction. That means resting a full hand on her hip, sliding it slowly along her thigh, or placing your palm on her lower stomach and leaving it there. You can also initiate intimate touch over clothing, but this should only happen over clothing at first. No poking, no darting, no bouncing between places. This gives her body time to register your touch as intentional, not rushed, which is essential for her arousal to deepen. It also allows blood flow and sensitivity to build, which is essential for orgasmic response. If she starts breathing deeper, shifting her hips, or staying still instead of pulling away, you're doing it right. Step two is pressure plus rhythm. Create orgasm. This is the equation you need to memorize. So once she's fully aroused and you've moved into intimate touching, this part is critical. Most people are focusing on where. But what I want you to focus on is remembering that orgasms are rhythmic events. They don't come from randomness, they come from reliable sensation that the body can sink into. So instead of moving your hands constantly, let the sensation layer. If you're asking, what does letting sensation layer mean? It means not changing what you're doing before her body fully responds to it. Most people touch, wait half a second, then switch. You know what I'm talking about. That's not stimulation, that's interruption. Layering looks like keeping the same contact, maintaining the same pressure, allowing sensation to spread before adding in movement. Research on sensory processing shows that too much variety actually interrupts climax by forcing the brain to reorient every time you switch things up. That's not relaxing. That's stressful. And we know when the cortisol goes up, desire and libido goes down. That's why changing things to spice it up often backfires right when she's getting close. So once her breathing deepens or her body subtly moves toward your hand, that's when rhythm comes in. Rhythm means predictable motion, steady pacing, and no sudden change. According to research on orgasmic response, consistent rhythm is one of the strongest predictors of climax. When something is working, stay with it. Before we move on, I want to clearly cover exactly what doesn't work when it comes to hand play. First, we're going to talk about what I like to call DJ hands. Think of it as like constant remixing. Look, no one asked for the drop. Second is the panicked speed up. She gets close and suddenly you're acting like you're racing a clock. This move is gonna have her hitting the internal timeout buzzer. Third is the death grip. More pressure is not more skill. And the fourth, which really drives me crazy, not in a good way, is what I like to call the narrator hands. Every three seconds, you're asking, do you like this? Do you like this? Do you like this? Look, if her body is responding, you already have your answer. Asking her something every three seconds is going to take her out of her body and into her head and is going to kill the vibe real quick. So if you've ever thought it was working and it just stopped, you're probably doing one of these four things. All right, let's move on to step number three. Do not numb her out. Fast, aggressive hand movement can overwhelm surface level nerve endings. When that happens, sensation drops, even though you're doing more. So if she gets quiet, if her body tenses instead of melts, if responsiveness decreases, that's not anticipation. It is overload. You're not dead in the water. It doesn't mean you've gone too far and you can't fix things. But what you need to do if this happens is you need to slow down so her body can restore sensitivity, which is what orgasm actually needs. And finally, step four. This is the moment you should not change anything. The moment we've been waiting for, she's about to have the big O. So when she's close, most people panic. They speed up, they press harder, they think more will finish the job. But orgasm happens when the body feels safe enough to let go. When you notice steady breathing, subtle movement towards your hand, and consistent responsiveness. Don't change a thing. Lock in and hold that pattern until she gets there. So now that I've given you the steps and clearly told you what does not work, let's recap what does work. Steady hands, predictable rhythm, patience, restraint, hands that do not rush, feel confidence, hands that stay present, feel safe. And that's how the big O happens. So here's your challenge. The next time you use your hands, stop trying to make orgasm happen. Instead, create the conditions where her body can finish what it starts. Slower, steadier, more intentional. Because great orgasms don't come from doing everything. They come from doing one thing really well long enough. So I would love for you to give this a try. Let me know how it goes and report back if you want to. You can drop your thoughts and comments into the comment section below this video on YouTube. If you are one of my audio listeners, you can head over to my YouTube channel at TalkSexwithNet and write me a little note. You can reach out to me via email at Annette at talkswithanette.com. Um, you can also click on my speak pipe below and send me a voicemail. I love to hear your voice. If you are looking for some help on your own intimate journey, whether that's with yourself or with someone else, my sex and intimacy coaching books are open. You can find out more about that at talkswithinet.com. You can also email me at Annette at talkswithanet.com to find out about how we can get started working together. And of course, if you're looking for step-by-step how tos that are really gonna get you where you want to go in bed, you can head to my only fans and you can find me there with my handle at talksexthenet, and you can find more on Substack as well. Until next time, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.