5 Ways to Dominate Her in Bed (That She's Fantasizing About)

She's thought about it. More than once. Maybe every time.

And she's decided you'll never know — because asking feels impossible, and hoping you'll figure it out on your own hasn't worked.

This episode is about the five dominance moves women consistently fantasize about and almost never get. Not because their partners wouldn't do them, but because no one ever taught them what real dominance actually looks like.

This is for the men who want to be the person she feels safe enough to surrender to. And for the women who've been waiting for someone to just… lead.

What you'll learn: 
✔ 5 specific dominance moves that bypass her overthinking entirely 
✔ Why most men never try these (and how to do them without being told) ✔ The exact mechanics — where to put your hands, what to say, when to stop 
✔ Why dominance isn't about being rough — it's about being deliberate

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Do the sex.

The Problem: Desire Vs. Hesitation

Redefining Dominance As Relief

Move One: Control Her Head

Move Two: Hair Pulling Done Right

Move Three: Get On Your Knees

Move Four: Tell Her To Touch Herself

Move Five: From Behind, Cover Her Mouth

Safety: Safewords, Signals, Presence

The Skill: Lead, Read, Respond

Listener Prompts, Coaching, Links

SPEAKER_00 0:54

I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talk and Shots. The show has a new name, Talk Sex with Annette. But at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious, and speak the unspoken about sex, kink dating, pleasure, and desire. Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chat, our most trusted friends, and of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest, and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. Welcome to my podcast where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Let's talk about sex. Cheers. Today's Talk Sex within Net topic is five ways to dominate her in bed that she's fantasizing about right now. She wants you to dominate her. Not in theory, not someday, right now, tonight. She's been thinking about it for longer than you'd believe. And do you know what's stopping it from happening? You don't know what it actually looks like. So you do nothing or you try something halfway, it feels awkward, and you never try again. Meanwhile, she's laying there waiting for you to just take control, and you're waiting for her to tell you it's okay. So nothing happens. And the gap between what she's fantasizing about and what you're actually doing just keeps getting wider. Today I'm giving you five specific moves, five things she's actively hoping you'll do that most men either fuck up or never try at all. So by the end of this, you'll know exactly how to dominate her without guessing. This is for men and partners who want to be the person she trusts enough to let go with. And for women listening, send this to your partner. They need to hear it. But before we dive in, subscribe wherever you are listening andor watching. And if you want my explicit how-tos, demos, and audio guided self-pleasure meditations, you can find them over on OnlyFans with my handle at TalkSex withinet. You can also find me at Substack doing a whole lot of the same with the same handle at TalkSex withinet. Or scroll down to the notes section below where you're gonna find all the links to all the places you want to find me. Can't wait to see you there. Now, let's dive in. Cheers. I need to give you one piece of context first because it reframes everything. Dominance isn't about power over her, it's about taking the weight off of her. Most women spend their entire day making decisions, managing logistics, anticipating everyone else's needs. By the time they get to sex, the last thing they want is to be in charge of one more thing. Submission, real submission. It's relief. It's permission to stop thinking, to stop managing, to just feel. But here's the part that most partners miss. She can't surrender unless she trusts you to hold the container. And most guys don't know how to do that without either being tentative or going too fast. So she never gets to actually let go. And you never get to see what happens when she does. That's what we're fixing today. The five moves I'm about to walk you through aren't tricks. They're not performative. They're specific things that signal to her nervous system, you're safe. I've got you. You can stop holding it together now. And when that happens, everything changes. The first one is control her head. Not her hair, her head. There's a difference. Here's what this looks like in practice. You're kissing her, and instead of just holding her face, gently slide one hand to the back of her head. Your fingers spread wide at the base of her skull, your thumb behind her ear. Now here's the move. Use that grip to tilt her head back slowly, deliberately. Expose her throat and then kiss it. You're not pulling, you're not directing. You're showing her with your hand, not your words, that you're deciding what happens next. Most men don't do this because they're waiting for her to say, yes, yes, you can move my head now. That's not how this works. What it requires is attention and responsiveness. You try it gently at first, and you read her reaction. If she stiffens or pulls back, you stop immediately. If she melts into it or her body softens, you keep going. Here's why this works: the back of the head, the base of the skull, that's one of the most vulnerable parts of the body. When you hold it with confidence, you're telling her, I'm in control and you're safe. It's primal. It bypasses thinking entirely. For her, this move lets her stop managing. She doesn't have to decide what angle works or where to move her body. You're deciding for her. That mental relief is what makes her able to actually feel what you're doing instead of thinking about it. And here's the thing most guys miss. Once you control her head, you control where she's looking. You can tilt her face towards you and make her whole eye contact. You can angle her head to the side and kiss her neck. You can guide her mouth exactly where you want it. You're not asking, you're showing her what you want. And that, that specific clarity is what lets her stop second guessing and just respond. So here's the move. Hand at the base of her skull, fingers spread, tilt her head back, slowly and steady, kiss her throat, her jaw, her collarbone. Hold her there a beat longer than feels comfortable. And watch what happens. Here's the second dominance move she's secretly hoping for. Pull her hair, but do it right because most people fuck this up. Here's what most people do wrong: they grab a handful of hair somewhere near the ends and yank. It hurts. Not in a good way, in the ow, what the fuck kind of way. You've heard women say this on my podcast. She tenses, you stop, you never try again. And now you both think hair pulling isn't her thing. Here is how it actually works: you're not grabbing her hair. You are making a fist at the base of her skull as close to the roots as you can get. Your fingers slide underneath, gather the hair, and close into a fist against her scalp. Now you've got the whole weight of her head in your hand. You're not just pulling strands of hair. You're controlling her entire head and neck through the grip. Once you've got that fist, now you can move her hair. Tilt her head back to expose her throat, turn her face towards you and make her whole eye contact. Angle her head to the side so you can kiss her neck and jaw. Guide her exactly where you want her. The pressure is at the scalp, not at the ends. It's firm, grounded, and deliberate. And when you do it right, it doesn't hurt. It just feels like you're completely in control of where her body goes. Here's why this works. Hair pulling done right is full body dominance. You're not just touching her, you're moving her, positioning her, deciding what angle her head is at, where she's looking, and what part of her body is exposed. And here's the piece that most people miss. When you control her head through her hair, she can't look away from you. She can't hide. She has to stay exactly where you put her and feel whatever you're doing. That vulnerability, the fact that she can't control her own position anymore is what makes it hot. For her, being moved like this firmly and deliberately makes her feel wanted in a way that's almost overwhelming. You're not asking her body to cooperate. You're taking what you want. And that confidence reads as a raw desire, which is exactly what she's been craving. So here's what not to do: don't grab near the ends and yank. Don't pull straight back like you're starting a lawnmower. Don't do it during a moment that's soft or tender and expect it to land. This is a mid-intensity move. You build up to it. You've already got your hand on the back of her head from move one. Now you're just tightening your grip and using it. So here's the move: slide your hand up and underneath her hair to the base of her skull. Gather the hair and close your fist against the scalp. Use that grip to tilt, turn, or pull her head where you want it. Keep the pressure steady and firm. Don't yank. Watch her face. If she melts, keep going. If she tenses, ease up. Here's a pro move. Once you've got her hair in your fist, lean in close and say something. Anything. Look at me. Stay still. Fuck. You're beautiful. The combination of physical control and your voice right in her ear. That's the thing she's been hoping you'd figure out. On to the third dominance move she's been dying for you to make in the bedroom. Tell her to get on her knees. Not ask. Tell. This is the move that separates people who think they're being dominant from people who actually are. Here's what it looks like. You're standing, she's sitting on the bed or standing in front of you, or wherever. You look at her and you say, get on your knees. That's it. No preamble. No, would you mind? Or if you're comfortable with it, just the instruction. Then, and this is the part most people fuck up. You wait. You don't move. You don't reach for her. You don't guide her down. You hold eye contact with her and you wait for her to do it. Here's why this works. Verbal dominance hits differently than physical dominance because it requires her active participation. You're not moving her body, you're giving her an instruction, and she has to choose to follow it. And here's the thing: that choice, that moment where she decides to drop to her knees because you told her to is the entire point. It's not about the position, it's about the fact that she's doing it because you said so. For her, obeying a direct command like this feels like proof that she can let go of control without it being taken from her. She's choosing to submit. And that choice makes her feel powerful in a way that's hard to explain. It's her desire, her decision, and your confidence that makes it safe to act on. Most men skip this mood because they're afraid she'll say no, or she'll think they're being too demanding, or it will kill the mood. Here's what actually happens. If you say it with confidence, not aggression, just calm certainty, and you're reading her response, she'll either do it or she won't. And both of those answers are fine. The confidence to ask clearly and accept her response without pressure, that's what makes the dynamic safe enough for her to say yes. Here's what to do once she's on her knees. Don't rush. Let her feel the position for a second. Let her look up at you. Let the moment land. Then you can touch her face, run your fingers through her hair, tell her she looks good like that. Or, and this is the move that makes it even hotter. You don't do anything sexual at all. You just let her stay there while you look at her. You're not rewarding her yet. You're making her wait. That anticipation, that's where the dominance actually lives. Here's what you can say while she's on her knees. Good girl. If she responds to praise, or stay there, or look at me. Or you say nothing. You just let her feel what it's like to be on her knees, waiting for you to decide what happens next. So here's the move. Look at her and say, get on your knees. Don't move. Don't help her. Wait. Let the moment sit before you do anything else. Then touch her face, her hair, or don't touch her at all. Make her wait until you're ready. So here's why most men don't do this because it feels too direct, too bold, like you're assuming she wants it. But here's the truth: she does. And the fact that you're willing to find out, the fact that you're confident enough to give her a clear instruction without apologizing for it is exactly what she's been hoping you'd figure out. Now it's the fourth dominance move. She's been hoping you'll try embed. Tell her to touch herself while you watch. This is a dominance move that scares men most because they think it means they're not doing enough. That's backwards. Here's the frame. You're not stepping back because you don't know what to do. You're stepping back because watching her is more interesting to you than doing it yourself. Here's how it works: you're in bed, things are already happening. And instead of continuing, you stop. You lean back, you look at her, and you say, touch yourself. I want to watch. Not, do you want to touch yourself? Not would it be okay if just do it. Then you stay exactly where you are. You don't help, you don't give instructions unless she asks for them. You just watch and you let her feel you watching. Here's why this actually works. Most women never get to be the center of someone's full attention during sex. They're too busy trying to be responsive or trying to make sure you're having a good time. When you make her touch yourself while you are watching, you remove that entire layer. She's not performing for you. She's showing you what she does when no one's looking. And the fact that you're not jumping in to take over, that signals something crucial. You're secure enough in your own sexuality that you don't need to be the one doing everything. That confidence is the dominance, not the act itself. For her being watched like this with your full attention on her pleasure and nothing else makes her feel seen in a way that most women never experience. It's not about what she's doing, it's about the fact that you want to see it, that you find her desire that compelling. That heat is what she's chasing. Here's what you can say while she's doing it. Slower. Or show me what you do when I'm not here. Or keep going. Don't stop until I tell you. You're not asking questions. You're giving directions. That's the move. The advanced version, once she's comfortable, you add on one more layer. You tell her, keep touching yourself. Don't stop. I'm going to fuck you and you're going to keep your hand exactly where it is. Now she's doing two things at once, responding to you and staying focused on her own pleasure. That split attention is what makes it overwhelming in the best way possible. Here's the move. Stop what you're doing mid-scene. Look at her and say, touch yourself. I want to watch. Don't help, just watch. Give her directions if you want to, but don't take over. Let her show you. And now for the fifth dominance move, she's hoping you'll try in the bedroom. Take her from behind and cover her mouth. This is the most physically intensive move on this list, so pay close attention to the mechanics and the safety piece because if you mess this up, it does not work. Here's the setup. She's on her stomach, on her hands and knees, or standing and mint over a desk, a counter, the edge of a bed. You're behind her. You're already inside her. This is not an entry move. This is mid-scene. One of your hands goes to the back of her neck or upper back between her shoulder blades. The other hand comes around from the side and covers her mouth. Not her nose, just her mouth. Palm flat, fingers along the jaw. Your body weight presses into her, whether that's into the bed or against the surface she's bent over. Your hand on her mouth is not hard. It's just there, present, undeniable. She can still breathe freely through her nose. She can still move her head if she needs to, but she can't make a sound unless you let her. Here's why this works: this move hits three dominance triggers at once. First, positional power. You're behind her, she can't see your face, she can't read your expression. She has to trust what you're doing without visual confirmation. The second is physical presence. Your hand is on her mouth, which means she can't speak. She can't tell you what she wants. She has to just receive what you're giving her. The third is full body weight. You're not hovering, you're pressing into her with your chest, your hips, your hand. She feels surrounded, held, completely controlled. And here's the thing most men don't get. Covering her mouth makes her louder because now she can't control the sounds she's making. They're just coming out, muffled, raw, completely unfiltered. That loss of control, that's what she's chasing. For her, this position makes her feel utterly consumed. She can't see you, can't speak, can't move freely. And that total surrender is exactly what lets her stop thinking and just feel. The muffled sounds she makes aren't for you. They're involuntary. And that lack of self-consciousness is what makes the sensation 10 times more intense. The non-negotiables, safety first. Your hand covers her mouth only, never her nose, never her throat. She needs to breathe freely the entire time. Your hand pressure is present but not hard. You're not pressing down on her face. You are just covering it. Watch her body language the entire time. If her shoulders tense in the wrong way, if her breathing changes, if she goes rigid instead of relaxed, you stop immediately. The move. She's face down on her hands and knees or standing bent over something, one hand on her upper back or at the back of her neck, the other comes around and covers her mouth, not her nose and not her throat. You press your body weight into her, keep your hand there, let her feel the pressure. Pay attention. Listen to her breathing. Feel her body. If she wants you to stop, she can shake her head, tap your arm twice, or push your hand away. Any of those signals mean you stop immediately. No questions, no hesitation. Make sure you talk about this before you try it. Establish a nonverbal signal she can use if words aren't available. Two taps a standard, whatever you agree on. Honor it instantly. Before we close, I need to say this clearly. Everything I just walked you through, all five of these moves, they require something from you that has nothing to do with technique. They require attention. Real dominance isn't about overpowering someone. It's about being present enough to hold them safely while they let go. That means you're watching her the entire time. You're reading her body, you're noticing if her breathing changes, if her muscles tense, if she goes still in a way that doesn't feel right. And the second something feels off, you stop. No hesitation. No, let me just finish this part. You stop. Here's what you need to establish before you try any of this: a safe word, something she can say that means stop everything right now. It should be a word you'd never use during sex. Red works, pineapple works, whatever feels clear to both of you. And because some of these moves involve covering her mouth or putting her in positions where she can't speak easily, you also need a nonverbal signal. Two taps, that's the standard. She taps your arm, your leg, the bed twice deliberately, and you stop immediately. You don't ask why, you don't finish what you're doing first, you stop. You check in and you make sure she's okay. Here's why this matters. The reason she can surrender to you, the reason any of this works is because she trusts that you'll stop the second she needs you to. If you ignore the signal, if you push past a boundary, you've prioritized your own arousal over her safety. You've broken that trust and you don't get it back. Dominance without responsibility isn't dominance. It's just carelessness. And that's not what she's hoping for. So before you try any of this, talk to her, establish signal, make sure she knows she can stop at any point for any reason with no explanation required. That conversation, that explicit agreement is what makes all of this possible. Here's the thing: none of these moves are complicated. You don't need props, you don't need script, you don't need to be someone you're not. What you need is the willingness to take up space, to be deliberate, to lead without apologizing for it. Most men don't do these things because they're afraid of getting it wrong. They're afraid she'll think they're being too aggressive, too presumptuous, or too much. So they wait for her to ask. And she never does because she's been taught her whole life that wanting to be dominated makes her weak or damaged or complicit in her own objectification. So both of you don't, and the sex stay safe and fine. And nothing like what either Of you is actually fantasizing about. Here's what changes that. You go first, not because you're assuming she wants it, but because you're willing to find out. You try one of these moves, just one, and you pay attention to how she responds. If she freezes, you stop. If she leans into it, you keep going. That's it. That's the skill. You don't need her to tell you she wants to be dominated. You need to create the conditions where she can show you. Here's the through line in all five of these. Dominance isn't about being rougher or louder or more aggressive. It's about being present enough to hold the container, clear enough to lead without hesitation, attentive enough to read her body and respond to what she's actually showing you. The men who get to see the side of their partner aren't the ones who bulldozed past boundaries. They're the ones who paid attention, who learned to read her body instead of waiting for her to narrate every step, who understand that her consent is ongoing, shown in how she leans in, how she breathes, how her body responds, and that respecting that is what makes any of this possible. You don't have to be a different person. You have to be a present one. That's not dominance, that's a skill. If you're a woman listening, drop it in the comments. Is there a dominance move you've been wanting but never asked for? What would make it easier to experience? I read everything and I'll share the responses. You can find me on YouTube at TalkSexwithanet. You can email me at Annette at talksexwithanet.com. And if you are looking for some support, a wing woman, if you will, a coach in the bedroom or in your own intimate life, my books are open. You can find out more about that on my website, talksexwithhanet.com. So drop your thoughts, your comments, and until next time, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.