10 Fetishes You've Never Heard Of — But You Might Have One

You think you know what a fetish is — leather, feet, something you scroll past. But the cultural conversation leads with the weird and skips the why. Today we're flipping that.

Jessica Renard — licensed professional counselor, sex therapist at StorieBrook Associates, and a therapist who works directly within the kink communities in Georgia — breaks down the fetishes that actually show up in relationships and the therapist's office. What's happening in the brain, the body, and the relationship when someone has one? And what do you do when you or your partner has a fetish?

time stamps: 

0:00 Intro 
5:30 Difference between fetish, kink, & paraphilia 
6:20 How does a fetish form and who has them 
12:00 Foot Fetish 15:00 Age Play 18:14 Pet Play 
22:44 Attraction to Clowns 
28:00 Attraction to people with amputations 
33:00 Adult Baby Diaper Fetish 
36:00 Somnophilia & Dormaphilia 
42:00 Human Furniture 
48:00 Erotic Hypnosis

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Transcript

Cold Open And New Show

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Do the sex. I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talk and Shots. The show has a new name, Talk Sex with Annette. But at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious, and speak the unspoken about sex, kink dating, pleasure, and desire. Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chat, our most trusted friends, and of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest, and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. Welcome to my podcast where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Let's talk about sex. Cheers. Today's Talk Sex with a Net topic is 10 fetishes you've never heard of, but you might have. You think you know what a fetish is: leather, feet, something you scroll past and keep on moving. But here's where the cultural conversation on fetishes goes wrong. It leads with the weird and skips the why. Today we're flipping that. We're naming the fetishes that actually show up in relationships and the sex therapist's office, including several you've probably never heard of. And we're going to break down what's happening in the brain, the body, and the relationship when someone has one. My guest is Jessica Renard, licensed professional counselor, sex therapist at Storybrooke Associates, co-founder at Path, Pagan Affirming Therapy and Healthcare, and

Why Fetishes Deserve Better Questions

SPEAKER_01 1:39

a therapist who works directly in the hinky communities in Georgia. She's not here to judge, she's here to explain. So welcome, Jessica. But before we dive in, I'm going to remind you all that I'm over on OnlyFans, and there you can find my sex and intimacy demos, how to use an audio, guided self-pleasure, meditations, and so much more. You can also find me on Substack, and you can find me in both places under the same handle at Talk Sex with Annette. You can also find me in all the places you want to, and Jessica, if you scroll to the notes below, I'm going to have all of the links there for you. But for now, Jessica, can you tell my listeners a little bit more about you?

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Yeah, I am so happy to be here. Thank you so much, Annette. I was a little bit late to the counseling game and just finished my degree in May of 2023, but have been primarily working in a sex therapy capacity for the last four years and really love it. As soon as I was given the question of what kind of therapist do you want to be? And I was like, sex, is sex a thing for a sex therapist? I I want to do that. Like that, I people need to talk about this. Yeah, I'm so happy to be here.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

Yes, I agree with you. And it's wonderful that more and more people are talking about sex and helping people have better sex and navigate things like kinks and fetishes that so many people have. So, folks, we have an extensive list today. You're gonna know some of these fetishes, but there's a lot that you aren't going to have heard a name for before, but maybe showing up in your bedroom. I'm betting. I'm betting at least some of you, because some of you have been around for quite a while, and I'm confident you are kinky and have fetishes. So you want to stay to the end because, first of all, we're giving you a list of some interesting and fun fetishes. And we're gonna explain what they are, why they show up, and then also perhaps most importantly, what to do if either you have one of these or you're like, hmm, maybe that's kind of what's going on with my partner. How do you start the conversations about these fetishes in your relationship? How do you navigate them together so that they actually enrich your life and they don't take away from it? So we'll give you all the takeaways at the end, but the entire conversation is just gonna be a fun, kinky, sexy, fetish-filled ride. So hang out with us, right? I'm ready to talk about 10 unusual fetishes that are probably showing up in your bedroom. Cheers. First, I want to start with with definitions. Fetish, kink, paraphilia. Most often we use these terms interchangeably. I know I am guilty, but can you explain the difference between them?

SPEAKER_00 4:37

So fetish is something that you have sexual arousal from, and it may be necessary in order to have sexual completion or may need to be present in order to have sex. So all fetishes are kinks, not all kinks are fetishes. And then kinks is something that you prefer. It can be present, but it's not necessary to be present. And then when we get into paraphilias, that is going to be a more diagnosable. So, like potentially somebody has distress around it or could potentially cause harm to themselves or

Fetish Vs Kink Vs Paraphilia

SPEAKER_00 5:13

others through that file. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

How does a fetish form? Or are you able to create a fetish?

SPEAKER_00 5:23

Typically, where we're looking at the fetishes or the paraphilias, it's like 99 to 1 male versus women. So women are more sexually flexible than men. Men are a bit more rigid in their tastes and likes. And so typically, what the research says is that it forms again, generally around the age of six to 12. So when you're having that sexual development and something happens where you are sexually aroused and you are exposed to a particular item or scenario where those kind of bond and end up being something that becomes required for sexual arousal.

How Fetishes Form And When It’s Distress

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Sure. Out of 100, it's 99 men and one woman. When we're looking at fetishes, so it's probably not like overall people, but people who identify as fetishes, fetishists, 99 of them are going to be men, and one of them is going to be a woman.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Oh. Wow. And did you say what percentage of men have have a fetish?

SPEAKER_00 6:33

Most fetishes or periphilias are very, very rare. They're not super common, potentially like less than 1% or 1% perphilia. So depending on what that sexual interest is, there may be 1% or less than 1% of the general population.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

And are fetishes considered diagnosable or because I know at one point, right, wasn't weren't fetishes considered diagnosable. Has that changed or evolved over time?

SPEAKER_00 7:05

So I think that one of the biggest misconceptions around a lot of mental health disorders or a lot of ways people get diagnosed is that you have something and can be diagnosed. Something can't be diagnosed unless it's causing you distress. If you are under distress, that is a reason to get diagnosed. It's like just if somebody has qualities, that's not a reason to diagnose someone. So it could be that it's causing distress to others in some cases where there could be harm involved, or it's causing your self-distress. So typically, when these paraphilias are encountered in the therapeutic community, it is somebody does not want it. It is causing problems for their lives and they are wanting help around it, or it's causing problems in their relationships.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Can you take a fetish away? Can you de-fetish someone?

SPEAKER_00 7:57

Defetish someone. So again, kind of like that training, it's exposure. So it's it's trying to have the sexual arousal without the linking of the object. So trying to find other ways that feel good or feel pleasurable, directing away that attention from that particular object or scenario. So you can, it's hard and it takes a while and it takes a lot of effort because it was typically done pretty early, and you may have been going through your life with it for 10, 20, 30, 40 years, and then trying to like remove it or change it. I mean, changing anything after four decades is going to be challenging. But it's not always necessary to treat or try to remove a fetish, correct? No. No, not at all. Again, it's whether or not it's causing distress to you or causing problems in your relationship, which unfortunately may mean that that'sn't the relationship for you, which is hard because I think a lot of people want to be accepted in the relationships that you're in, which is understandable. And sometimes that's doable, and sometimes that's a little bit more difficult.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

Right. Because as we're having this conversation, I'm thinking someone might have a foot foot fetish, which means feet need to be present, exposed, seen, or whatever, in order for the person to be turned on, which is pretty convenient because usually, you know, the person you're having sex with has feet. But you could have someone who has a foot kink, right? So the kink means it's not necessary, but they get turned on by feet, right? So you can find partners who maybe don't have the same fetish, but also find it kinky and fun to play in the same arena as you are, right? So not to be clear, to do some myth busting, fetishes aren't always harmful. They aren't bad, right?

SPEAKER_00 9:56

No, not at all. I I mean, in a lot of those situations, it can become a way to have a sexual experience through an object where the person of that they are fantasizing around is not available or not interested. Um, you know, if you had shoes that someone wore, that is the allure. So it's not necessarily the shoes themselves. So, like in a podophile, so what you're talking about with uh fetish on feet, they wouldn't be able to buy just new shoes and have that sexual release. It's about who wore the shoes and whether or not they can sexualize the person in the shoes versus the feet themselves. So it's a it's a bit more in context.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

So let's get into the 10 fetishes. Let's go from the more common ones to ones that are going to be more surprising to my guests. I will let you choose where we start.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

Ooh, I mean, obviously, podophilia, most people have heard of foot fetishes. So that one's a little bit more common.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

Let's just start there because I think it's have just discussed it a little bit. Everybody, most everybody has heard about it. But even in the conversation we were just having, people don't understand all of the ways it can play out, right? People just think it's a foot on a dick or on a private part. That could definitely be part of it. But can you dive into it a little bit more for my listeners?

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Yeah, it was fascinating to look at the research around podophilia. Podophilia actually came up as a more common fetish

Foot Fetish Beyond The Stereotype

SPEAKER_00 11:35

when the neural diseases were very common, which is almost like an evolutionary way to avoid harm, in that what typically is sexualized is feels dangerous or we don't want to go there. So then we look at feet, and feet are more sexualized and they feel safer. And so then once those diseases were a little bit more controlled, the instances of potophilia went deck, which I thought was just absolutely fascinating.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

Right. And the ways that this fetish shows up, can you give me just because I know there's so many different ways, but sure, some of the ways it shows up that might surprise some of the listeners.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

Yeah, I know. So I I have a friend that is a foot fetishist, and he had asked me about the color of my toenail polish, and it totally didn't even clock what was going on. But yeah, it was like, I actually happen to know the answer to that because I had looked at the name of my toenail polish, and so I had given that to him. But it's it's very funny because it's usually just paying attention to feet or wanting to manicure feet, giving pedicures, bathing feet. So it could be sexual around genitalia, or it could be the pampering of feet by themselves. It could also be the smell of feet. So socks or used shoes could be a turn-on, depending on how much the person is sexualized and what that relates to in the sexual arousal.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

What are the ways in which this could cause a problem in a relationship?

SPEAKER_00 13:13

So if unfortunately somebody was with someone who is a podophile and did not like their feet and did not like their attention, because I know people that like hate their feet being touched. Like the fact that they have toes grosses them out. And though that would be a very unfortunate pairing because then it would be hard to get anybody's needs met, or we want to pay a lot of attention to your feet, and you're like, absolutely, I don't want my feet to even exist. So I think obviously that can cause problems, potentially causing problems when giving attention to people who are not interested in attention. So we want to make sure it's all consensual and that everybody is on board with this particular activity. And so if there's ever any non-consensual foot worshipping, that can be problem.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

All right. What is a tip that you could give to someone who either has a foot fetish or just is thinking, realizing, oh, I think that's what my partner is into for navigating this in the relationship. Would be get ready to get a bunch of like foot massages and pedicures. Yay.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

Yeah, I would totally be down with somebody who wanted to just spamper my feet a lot. That sounds really lovely. But yeah, I think when it's if for somebody who has a fetish and you're feeling a bit uncertain about talking to your partner about it, one kind of figure out is this something that it feels crucial to be present for sexual encounters? So is it truly a fetish or is it just a kink where you can have sex without feet being focused on? And and that is a successful or a pleasurable sexual encounter. So kind of figuring out where you fall on that spectrum. And then for someone who potentially has a partner that may be a foot fetishist, you, if you are aware of it, you probably have feelings already of how do I feel about this? And if you feel more neutral or yeah, I'm completely okay with this, or we can absolutely work around this, leading with that, because it's going to be a lot of fear and shame with a lot of people who have more unconventional sexual arousals around things, not all the time, but we as a society, for the most part, to ostracize anybody who deviates from the norm. And so it is a deviation from the norm. And so understanding that there may be a lot of feelings that the person has and just tread lightly in and go with warm curiosity.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Let's move on to you mentioned age play. Will you explain age play to my listeners?

SPEAKER_00 15:50

Sure. So age prey is typically done uh where one person embodies or takes on the characteristics of a younger child, either playing with suffies or like tea parties, dolls, watching cartoons, different things like that. They may speak in a higher voice or change their vocabulary to that of a young child. A lot of age players don't actually have sex while they are doing age play. So even though everyone's an adult and it's all consensual, that may not be part of what that situation gives them. It can allow for if you had a hard childhood where you weren't able to be like a carefree little kid. This is a safe way to kind of delve into that and like color and be silly and and and play with things that can feel very freeing and very releasing for the people who are doing that. And then the caregivers, so more of the daddies or the the moms in those scenarios for age play than are able to give care to their children in that scenario of the age play.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

And I'm picking up a theme here that I want to make sure is clear to my listeners. With these fetishes, they are not always tied to actual sex, though the person who has them gets, it sounds like somewhat of a an erotic charge out of the fetish. It doesn't necessarily have to be present during sex with your partner, right? So you can have a different

Age Play And The Need For Care

SPEAKER_01 17:30

sex life from the fetish. Is that you can separate out the two, is that correct?

SPEAKER_00 17:37

Yeah. So I I think again, when we're talking about BDSM, which are kind of like the more common things when people think about fetishes or kinks, like 60% of BDSM scenes don't include sex. And so aftercare may include sex with a partner. So like you're having a scene with someone, and then after care, you go and have sex with your partner, but the actual scene itself may not include sex at all.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

All right.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

So age play could definitely throw off a relationship, right? For someone who's never heard of it. How could this negatively affect a relationship if someone's not open and honest about it?

SPEAKER_00 18:19

I think definitely thinking about spending habits, like finances are a big thing that come between relationships. And so if someone is thinking a lot of money into a toy horde or materials to help them with their fantasy that they're keeping hidden from their partner, that eventually is going to cause some issues. And then how much time it consumes. So if somebody is really wanting to go and spend a lot of time in this particular fetish and their partner is unaware, then it could feel like a betrayal or cheating because, like, you're spending all of this time and I'm not being included as a partner. And so then I'm gonna feel some type of way about it.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

So, what would the next fetish that would be surprising to some of my listeners be that sure?

SPEAKER_00 19:09

I don't know how surprising because I have seen it on mainstream television for at least one episode, but I I was surprised at Frollicon. I've been a presenter at Frollicon in Atlanta the last couple of years, of people, it's more open in those phases of puppy play, horse play, cat play, where one person is the owner of the animal and the other person is the animal. And so, again, this may not include any sex, it may just be pets playing with toys, curling up on somebody's lap or on their feet, being like, So there are a lot of things that may not include genitals at all.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

It's a pet play fetish. Yeah. I've actually felt like I've seen it more and more, definitely in the kink communities. But when fetishes come up, pet play has been more common. People wearing the leather dog masks. It could be everything from the, you know, just dressing up and having being on a on a leash and being led around to having a full-on dog kennel or puppy kennel and staying outside of it, correct?

SPEAKER_00 20:16

Absolutely. Well, and I think a lot of those kind of coincide with do you feel like more of a DOM insects? Do you feel like more of a sub-insect? Because I think the people who are personifying animals, that is more of a sub-role. They're receiving care versus providing care. And so it may also link to what position you feel comfortable insects generally.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Yeah, you know what? I I should be the leash holder. I am definitely not. I'm definitely not the pet. I just don't think I can manage it. But yeah, again, that can be a kink or a fetish. They're two very different things.

Pet Play Power Roles And Safety

SPEAKER_01 20:55

Like I'm talking about it from a kink perspective, like trying it out in kink play. But I definitely don't have that fetish. And I just want to keep making this difference obvious because I do think it's so easy for myself and I'm sure my listeners to get confused between kink and fetish. So if I had a partner who had a pet play fetish, I would figure out how to get on board in some way for fun. There's a lot of different ways you could do that, right? All right, on to the next one. And I'm going to bring up the next one. The sexual attraction to clowns or clowns being part of your arousal. It's called, I don't know if I can say it correctly.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Chlorophobia. So a clown's either they're a makeup or their dress, and it's somebody that is either attracted to people dressed up as clowns or people who like to be dressed up as a clown and that is sexually arousing to them to be in that state.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

So many people just have a phobia when it comes to clowns. When I sit and I try and figure out how This fetish comes about. The only thing I can think to myself is they had a clown doll or they had clowns on their wallpaper because we all know we had wallpaper when we were kids. Can you help me understand how a fetish like this is born?

SPEAKER_00 22:18

So again, it could have been at a circus or at a party where a clown was present and sexual arousal happened because we know when we're kids, sexual arousal just happens. It's it's not necessarily because of any type of friction or or moving. It just you become aroused. And if that happens at the same time that you're having an interaction with the thing that becomes a fetish, so in this case, a clown, maybe you're sat on their lap and you get a little bit aroused, and that seals the fetish, and you're like, Yep, clowns, clowns do it for me.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

So in a relationship, this could play out in an interesting way, though, because it doesn't have to be the whole getup necessarily. Like you said, it could be the makeup, uh, flows. How else does this clown fetish play out?

SPEAKER_00 23:09

It could be like it makes me think of like the gags that they would do of, you know, the big noses or like the laughter. So it makes me think that somebody in that type of fetish would want that mirth, would want that levity of the joking around being funny, maybe even Pratt Falls type situation of being very connected to that sexual arousal.

SPEAKER_01 23:34

You know, the fetishist that would get along well, a clown, someone who had a clown fetish, and I'm gonna throw in a fetish we don't even have on our list, and then a lunar fetish, huh? A lunar, which is the fetish a tie to balloons, someone who is turned on by balloons. I feel like those two would get along swimmingly.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

They probably would, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, as long as nobody had a latex allergy. Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Exactly, exactly. I mean, that would be a great pairing in my mind. It would be very interesting to see how they decorated their

Clown Desire And Trading Turn-Ons

SPEAKER_01 24:10

bedroom. Absolutely. And I can think of so many role-playing options for so if that couple exists out there and you need some creative ideas from someone who would never want to be forced to do that kind of role-playing, I can definitely dream up some great scenarios for you. Oh sexual and non-rights.

SPEAKER_00 24:32

Yeah, there definitely should be a place where like filias can, like, oh, I would really like to do this, and be like, I would really like to do this for you. This sounds great.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

Mixing and matching, mixing and mixing. And that is actually part of how some of these fetishes work out their relationships, right? It's like saying, This is something I'm kind of into, and then finding someone else either with the same fetish or a similar fetish. She's like, all right, cool. Here's how we can swap things out. So for instance, in this case, it could be like, I'm really into clowns. I love the idea of interacting with a clown and the lunar. It could be like, I will put on a clown outfit for you. I'm really into balloons. I'm gonna make balloon animals and squeak them, and we can make out that all happens.

SPEAKER_00 25:23

Right? There you go.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

It'll get hot and heavy very quick. As we're speaking about it, it's just like anything else in sex, though. Even in straight sex. It's I like I like oral sex. I like to receive it too, but I don't like to do it when I'm not getting stimulation. Let's do 69. It's it's the trade-off. Like, how do we find something that fits both of our needs if our needs aren't identical, right?

SPEAKER_00 25:46

Absolutely. I think it's the difference between being turned on by something, being neutral towards something, and then having active disgust. So active disgust wouldn't pair well, but if you're neutral and you're able to provide that service for a partner, then you're like, it doesn't do anything for me necessarily, but I'm happy to do it for you because I want you to be excited.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

And so much of that happens during sex and intimacy. And that's okay. You know, ideally in a dream sexual or intimate relationship, both people are enthusiastically into the same thing. That just is not realistic to think that's gonna happen all of the time. And so what happens in a romantic, in a loving relationship and in a connective relationship is sometimes one of us says, Yeah, it doesn't turn me on, but I love seeing you turned on. So I'm willing to do this because I get pleasure seeing you have fun.

unknown 26:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

I think the other thing that I'm loving about this conversation about fetishes is it's showing how sometimes we put eroticism and sex in a box. And something like, for instance, the balloon fetish or even the pet play, it doesn't mean our genitals are being stimulated or that we're going to come. It's pleasure for pleasure's sake that happens to be tied to a specific act. It doesn't have to be in the bedroom. And it's it's a good demonstration of how sex, eroticism, pleasure exists beyond the bedroom and can be used to create more connection between people.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 27:21

So we threw in lunars for you. What's the next one you want to you want to talk about?

SPEAKER_00 27:27

Okay, so it's very interesting. And they kind of talked about how one of these fetishes could come up in the book. So I the book that I am referring to for a lot of this is called Perv, The Sexual Deviant and All of Us by Jesse Varing, which I love. Such a good book. I think it's a chromophilia. So that's sexual arousal towards people with an amputation. And so that they talk about specifically somebody who self-identified as having that phil when they were older, is remembering being under a table when someone came over in a leg cast and either like seeing up their skirt or having some type of arousal around that. And then that is connected and they end up with that type of philosophy.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

So that's a unique one because I have had a long time phobia of like stumps or amputations. Because when I was young, I was on a road trip with my parents. And I have no idea where this happened, but we went into one of their friends' houses and they didn't warn us that the man had no hands and we were starving. And he offered me a cracker with his two stumps. And I knew I had to be polite and take it, you know, because I was a child and I was horrified. And so I force fed myself this cracker from his stumps, and it created a phobia. So when I saw that it can be a fetish, I was like, oh, it's kind of like our stuff formed the same way, but in two different directions. Right. So that would be a good example of someone I probably would struggle to be compatible with if they had that fetish. But here's a question. What do you do? What is a way a partner who does not have an amputation could connect with someone who has this phobia and lay out their fantasy or help fulfill their need?

SPEAKER_00 29:29

I think that would be a really interesting question because trying to do things without one appendage could be challenging. There are ways of using devices of like fake casts or crutches, things like that to try and help give that illusion to it. It depends on the person who has the fetish and and what that looks like for them, because each person who has a fetish is going to want that to play out in a specific way or have a specific way that manifests. For example, in a poto sealer, maybe they want to put nail polish on toes, but they don't care about shoes at all. So it

Amputation Fetish And Avoiding Objectification

SPEAKER_00 30:10

could be it, it's specific to that person, just like everyone has specific tastes around certain sex positions or certain sex acts. I really like it this way versus this way.

SPEAKER_01 30:21

So it could be sort of like an actor who has both of their arms, but they play the role of an amputee. It could be wearing clothes in a way that makes it appear as though you um have lost a limb or a finger or whatever it might be, right? Sure. And role-playing a scene with a person. Yeah, absolutely. Or you're gonna go on a dating site and just look for people who are amputees.

SPEAKER_00 30:51

And I think the thing there is the fine line of we want to be loved for our whole selves. And so that gets a tricky line to walk, in that, like I know that there are some people who fetishize really large people and eating and and and those things of being very aware of yes, you may initially be attracted to them because of this. And how can we make that relationship deeper so that somebody doesn't feel like that's the only thing that, like, if I didn't have feet, you wouldn't be interested in me, or if I didn't have this, you wouldn't be interested in me. And so being very aware of not objectifying a person, even if you are sexualizing a part of them, if that makes sense. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

That also brings up a good topic we should talk about, which is fetishization. Can you explain before we go on and finish our list? Just what fetishization means when we say things like you shouldn't fetish someone, what are we saying and why is it wrong? You you kind of just addressed it, but but you just addressed it, but I want to very specifically define it for people.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

Sure. To fetish size someone, typically fetishes are not entire people, it's a part of a person or an object that is not related to a person at all. And it's imbuing that object or that part of someone's body with all of the sexual arousal of that person. And so it it goes more to objectification, where we're not considering the whole person versus sexualization, which is sexualizing a person, but not just a a part of it.

SPEAKER_01 32:42

So being very aware of that. All right. Next one that we want to go into is so adult baby diaper lover.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

So they have sexual arousal of being treated like an infant or wearing diapers.

SPEAKER_01 32:55

This has been probably been on TLC. I've seen some of these, I've seen some of the how these play out. Expla just explain it. We all need you to explain it.

SPEAKER_00 33:06

Sure. I I mean, I can see where it would come apart because as an infant, you don't have any stress. All of your needs are taken care of for you. You are being catered to in every way conceivably possible. And I can see how that would be attractive to some people who have, you know, there's a thing that's talked about the more power and responsibility you have, the more you want to give it away. So being in these situations where potentially powerful or somebody who is making a lot of decisions wants to be taken care of as an infant to the extent of potentially even going to the bathroom in diapers and having themselves cleaned. And that provides sexual arousal for them and release for them. Right.

SPEAKER_01 33:50

And this can either look like play scene, right? That takes place between people, or it can be wearing a diaper to work or wherever you're so people don't know uh that can be part of it, right?

SPEAKER_00 34:06

Absolutely. And and people who have this fetish also have very particular interests in what type of diapers they like. So there are subpar diapers and favorable diapers, depending on how they feel or how they wear or what they're wanting to get out of them. There's definitely preferences to where, again,

What Fetishizing Someone Really Means

SPEAKER_00 34:26

in everything, there's I want it to look this particular way. And so they're wanting a specific experience.

SPEAKER_01 34:33

This is a fetish you should probably talk to your partner up front about, right?

SPEAKER_00 34:37

I think it would be rather hard to move past the physical stage without discussing it, especially if it truly is a fetish and you're not able to have sexual arousal or climax without a diaper being present.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

The next one I want to talk about has two fetishes wrapped into one. So it's called somnophilia, I believe that's yeah, somnophilia. It's sexual arousal from a person who is asleep. Sleeping beauty syndrome. So in this particular fetish, you've got the person sleeping and the person who's not sleeping, right?

SPEAKER_00 35:17

Sure. So technically it's not two in one. So the somnophiliac is attracted to people who are sleeping. Now, if that person was also a

Adult Baby Diaper Lover Explained

SPEAKER_00 35:28

dormophiliac, they are aroused by pretending to sleep or being asleep while sexual things are happening to them within the realm of consent. So it's the same thing on several of the other things that we were talking about of I can do this for my partner even if I am not aroused by it, or it's complementary philias to where, oh, yes, I'm absolutely all about that. We can absolutely do that. That does it for me as much as it does it for you. You know what?

SPEAKER_01 35:55

I think this, at least as a kink, is more common than people talk about. You actually see it in a lot of pornography, right? Or some level of it played out. And I also think, especially when people are younger, like, you know, college or late high school, the pretending, you know, when you're sleeping next to your boyfriend or whatever, watching a movie and pretending like you're asleep, and then you guys start like touching and playing. I think that that that sort of scene and even role play. I could roleplay that. I could roleplay that. I can pretend like I'm sleeping. No problem. Will you take care of me? I'm into that. I'm into that's a kink I could get into. I'd get to just lay there and act like I'm sleeping. But I actually think this is a good example of a fetish that could be a kink, but that is more common than people bring up or recognize.

SPEAKER_00 36:59

So the the dormophilia is a part of the consensual non-consent community. And both of these could be due to trauma as a child. So just kind of throwing that out there. Yes, we can take our power back from the abusers that that did something to us when we were younger, but like it can manifest in that way. And so it's figuring out what that looks like to you and how you feel about it and how you're communicating about it.

SPEAKER_01 37:26

And a lot of kink play really is about replaying things that have happened to you when you didn't have a voice in your own intimate sexual life, and then being able to have control over it and

Sleep Fetishes Consent And Trauma Links

SPEAKER_01 37:40

create the scenario that makes you feel empowered and healed, correct?

SPEAKER_00 37:45

Absolutely. It's it's figuring out how to take your voice back and have control over that situation where you didn't have control.

SPEAKER_01 37:53

So to be clear, some fetishes do definitely form from trauma. There's no denying that. I mean, we all know that here. But it is not always correct. Correct. Yeah, absolutely. And that should not be the assumption right off the bat that something's wrong with your partner who has a fetish, or that because someone's kinky, something bad happened to them. Although most of us women women have had something happen at some point in time.

SPEAKER_00 38:23

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, the statistics are one and three, and we know how low things are reported. And so it's it's probably three and three or at least two and three.

SPEAKER_01 38:33

So, in this scenario, when you've got the somnophiliac and the dormophiliac, so either someone who likes to be the sleeper, it's a good example of how you can take something that in the real world would be non-consensual and turn it into consensual play. Right? Yes, absolutely. And we we do that, I mean, in a lot of even in vanilla relationships, there's a lot of that play that goes on and nobody talks about it. And we really should just call it was what it is. I don't know how many times in vanilla situations I've had a guy just be like, want to choke me. That's dang. There goes, here comes the hand at the throat, you know. Yeah. But that is, it's all part of this sort of ravishment, ravagey, you know, you're I'm I want you so much, I can't hold back and I'm going to take you. Which in the real world, unless consent is given, that's not cool. We don't do that. And so we can look at some of these fetishes, and instead of jumping to, as I said at the beginning, that's weird, because when we start to label things that way, we cause a lot of shame and a lot of hiding, which really we don't want anybody to feel that way. But we can just see how this kind of plays out at all different levels. And as long as it's consensual and someone says, okay, yeah, I'm gonna pretend like I'm sleeping, or maybe even give consent. Okay, yeah, you can wake me up in the middle of the night and I'll pretend like I'm still asleep or whatever it is.

SPEAKER_00 40:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:10

And make it a healthy part of their sex life.

SPEAKER_00 40:13

Absolutely. And I think another part to talk about within this specifically is sexomiacs. And sexomiac is a form of sleepwalking where they are not conscious, but they will initiate sex and they don't know that they're doing. They are, it is not, they are not aware of it. And I interacted with several sexomniacs where one person put on boxing gloves to sleep if he was with somebody that he didn't want to grope or start anything in the middle of the night, and he couldn't control it. And so he would try and take measures so that the person that he was in the bed with was safe.

SPEAKER_01 40:52

I bet you that is more common than people know. Yeah, most of us have had. I've definitely had to deal with that. Build pillow walls. I'm like, don't if I'm sleeping, let me sleep, you know. Unless consent is given and we're on some vacation and getting sleeped anyways, right? But yeah, I bet I I think there's I wonder too, I bet you there's more men that are sex omniacs than women.

SPEAKER_00 41:19

Oh yeah. I thousand percent that would that would be my guess.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

Yeah, that's a good educated guess. All right. I want to talk about furniture, the furniture fetish. And for naphilia. Yeah. Let's talk about so just tell my listeners what it is.

SPEAKER_00 41:40

Yeah. So it is someone who, and I don't know what the the opposite felia is, so someone who wants to be treated as furniture. Fornophilia is the sexual arousal by treating someone as furniture. And then there are people who have sexual arousal by being treated as furniture. And so, like the opposite one. But yeah, so being table lamps, I've seen chandeliers, lots of different if you combine shibari and furniture like that. You just hang people from the ceiling and they're now a light fixture.

SPEAKER_01 42:15

I can totally get into treating someone like furniture, it's not a fetish, but it's fun. That's a kink I can get into. That's a little dom in me. I want you to be my fucking footstool. Right? I get it. I get it. Let me set my wine on your back. Do not move. But maybe it is a little bit of a fetish. It's not a fetish. But I get it. It's kinky. That's kinky fun. But I think the thing that's interesting to me is like after kind of years of educating and experiencing and trying out things,

Sexomnia When Sleep Initiates Sex

SPEAKER_01 42:56

things that I could have never imagined before. And now I'm like, I totally understand that. But I think what's really interesting to me, I think oftentimes you see people who make these these aspects of kink. So for me, using someone as furniture, super fucking fun. It's a thing I do here and there, right? Maybe once a week. I could do it once a week. But for people who have the fetish, it becomes sort of a it is integrate, it's woven into the daily life. And that's what's starting to click with me more in this conversation. Because I have seen a lot of documentaries and talked to a lot of people where they have certain things that are their everyday things. And I'm like, oh, don't you ever get bored? And no, because it's their fetish. I get it now. I get it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:46

And a lot of people who want to be furniture, you would have to train for that. Like that is something that you wouldn't just innately, oh, I'm going to be a footstool. And I am perfectly still for potentially action. Hours on end. And so it's it's understanding the physical rigor that is being asked of that particular person to be that particular piece of furniture and what that costs

Furniture Fetish And Subspace Relief

SPEAKER_00 44:10

them.

unknown 44:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

I want to talk to, I want to talk to someone who does that. Call me up, guys. Send me an email. Because look, I can get, I can totally understand the eroticism and excitement of being the person treating someone like furniture. But I gotta understand on the other end what what what's in it for you. I want to know what's in it for you.

SPEAKER_00 44:31

I can't imagine. If we think about going through traffic or or dealing with kids or cooking dinner, a footstool doesn't have to do any of that. Like it literally exists and it fulfills its purpose if somebody is using it to hold their feet.

SPEAKER_01 44:47

Right.

SPEAKER_00 44:49

Still not getting it. Still don't get it. I think it's a it's things that people can find and release in subspace of I don't have to make any decisions. I this is what I'm doing, and I'm doing a good job. Like I know that I'm doing a good job by doing this. Like I am fulfilling the purpose that the person who is using me wants me to be.

SPEAKER_01 45:12

Right. And it's interesting to me because while I don't get it, I think this is a good example. If you are in a relationship with someone and they bring a fetish to you that you're like, I do not get that at all, I would not get that. But what I could do is go, but what's being asked of me? And can I get in the headspace of the other person? And yeah, I can get, I get a charge off of telling someone what to do. Yeah, we can make this fun. I could see how this would serve me, right? And and then instead of just instant, and I think my first instinct would be like at least 10 years ago, would have been to be like, that's really weird. I don't think I want to, this is not my thing. Instead nap someone, I was dating someone and really into them. And then all of a sudden they were like, I've got this fetish. And I was like, whoa, okay. I think I could sit down and get creative, folks. Think about what turns you on or could turn you on, or something you've been wanting to try out. And where could you meet that person? And I'm like, I know where I could meet someone who wants to be treated like furniture, even though it's not my fetish. I could be my I could have fun with it.

SPEAKER_00 46:24

And it also depends on frequency. Like some people, if they get their cup filled and they only want to be furniture or chandelier, you know, twice a year, and they're good and like they're sated. That is what they need. And so it just kind of depends on frequency as well.

SPEAKER_01 46:39

So frequency is a thing in these fetishes. It's not something that everybody who has the fetish needs all of the time.

SPEAKER_00 46:46

So it's more of the preciseness of the fantasy or what provides that arousal. So like I know some people who are like, I can get it in the exact way that I want it. And that makes me feel really satisfied. So I can I can do half measures or I can do partials, but those ones experiences like really fill my cup. And that lasts me for a while before like I would need to do something that in depth again. So it's more of like partialing out, if that makes sense. Okay, interesting.

SPEAKER_01 47:19

All right. Now we are to our last one.

SPEAKER_00 47:23

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 47:24

The erotic hypnosis fetish. Yeah. Let me know. What is it?

SPEAKER_00 47:31

So I actually have a friend who is a hypnodom, and she creates hypnosis protocols for her subs, and they enjoy being in a state of lack of control or hypnotic suggestions. So based on that, like there's edging or other things that we see in the community that can be combined with erotic hypnosis, different cues and suggestions that would create arousal.

SPEAKER_01 48:03

So is hypnosis actually taking place? Yes. It's not just acting it out. Correct. And could you just give me a picture? What does this look like? And so I assume there's the person who wants to do the hypnosis, and then there's the person who wants the hypnosis.

SPEAKER_00 48:23

Yes. So for my friend who's the hypnodom, she meets with clients, and then before you would ever even go into the hypnosis protocol, it's uh a chatting. What are you wanting out of this? What do you like? What are you wanting to get from this? She really wants to know the ins and outs of someone because if you're going to get into somebody's head, you need to know what that looks like and and how to do that. She also, like we present together at FeralCon. She's also talked about situations where somebody is wanting something that feels a bit more shaming and really kind of digging into that of okay, if you want to be sissified, so having the sissification, where is that coming from? What does that look like for you? And why do you need to be humiliated if you want to be a girl? What if you were just a girl and has actually had a client that came out as trans because they struggled with that so much? And she was able to help them find another way to authentically present themselves.

SPEAKER_01 49:25

Interesting. Interesting. I can imagine that as a fetish, that could play out in a lot of ways. I mean, can it play out in a role-play way as opposed to the actual thing? Or is this a very specific, like the fetishes that's what you want to have happen, is someone to hypnotize you?

SPEAKER_00 49:47

Sure. I think because I know she has like a website where you can like download videos and and have different protocols so you can interact with her even if you're not interacting with her to a certain extent. Um put yourself into that state. But a lot of it is just a relinquishing of control of I, I,

Erotic Hypnosis And Letting Go

SPEAKER_00 50:05

you are in charge of me, body, not necessarily body and soul, but like it's a complete release of you have control to do whatever you want.

SPEAKER_01 50:14

It is interesting talking about these fetishes. A lot of them, there seems to be a lot of stuff around letting go of control and or or controlling if you're on the other end of being like in charge, being a little bit of a boss, babe, if you will. Uh all right. We've given you actually, I think we we covered 11 fetishes to give you all a little taste that are out there. And what I like about this conversation is while we're talking about them as fetishes, of course, I instantly was like, oh, this is how it could play out as a kink. So expansive. You can be expansive, you can try new things. But what I I want to end this conversation with is I think a lot of people, probably more than the stats show, have little fetishes, things either that are in their mind while they're having sex to enhance the sexual experience or to help them orgasm that they aren't sharing with their partners because there's so much shame around anything deemed outside of the norm. And look, the norm is pretty boring. We live a long time, there's very, very few people who just want that the whole time. So, what I want to do kind of at the end of this, the takeaway part of this is talk about like how do we talk to someone if we think we have a fetish? Whether we need just to feel accepted outside of a relationship or inside a relationship, what do we do also if we're a partner and we think we're our partner might might have a little thing going on that they need taken care of? How can we start destigmatizing it, stop calling it weird and turn it into something fun and exciting in our relationship?

SPEAKER_00 52:05

Yeah, I I think one of the biggest things in sex therapy is don't yuck anybody's yum, in that it may not do anything for you, but they're getting pleasure from it and they're allowed to get pleasure from it. Speaking to sex therapists, if you are concerned about a fetish that you have or trying to figure out how to talk to people about the fetish that you have, maybe incorporating a partner. And then if you're a partner who thinks that your partner has a fetish, warm curiosity. Try not to come in with any biases of that this is weird or this is abnormal or you're a freak or anything like that, because that's the quickest way to shut somebody down. And if we love them and care about them, we don't want to immediately ostracize them. And so being very aware of tone, of making sure that you're in a space where you can talk about it privately, that you're not outing them in a public restaurant or something, because that's not going to be the place. So, like picking your time and place to have those conversations.

SPEAKER_01 53:03

And are there any myths about fetishes that you want to take a moment to bust right now so people can put those to bed before they

Talking About Fetishes Without Shame

SPEAKER_01 53:13

move on from this podcast and into real life?

SPEAKER_00 53:16

Yeah, I think a lot of times fetishes aren't by choice. And so if somebody has a particular fetish and they struggle with it immensely, it's not that that was a choice that they made. Like that was something that happened outside of their control and they are dealing with the aftermath of it. And they may not like it as much or more than you may not like it. And so understanding that it's it's not always a choice. Right.

SPEAKER_01 53:44

And as far as that being weird, it's like a lot of weird stuff happens in life. It's not actually weird, it's more common than you think. And leading with compassion, especially if it's somebody that you care about, there are ways to work with almost anything, right?

SPEAKER_00 54:04

Absolutely. And even if we're talking about 1% of the population, that's still like 200,000 people who share this particular thing. So even when we're talking about minute groups of people, there's still a lot of them. Right.

SPEAKER_01 54:20

And also, I would recommend people if you have a fetish and you're struggling with it, find community. You're gonna find a community for almost every fetish out there, I'm willing to guess. The internet is pretty good for that kind of thing, right?

SPEAKER_00 54:40

Yes, absolutely. And and communities where you would be able to find complimentary fetishes as well, so that you could potentially have the perfect acted out scenario that would hit all of the buttons.

SPEAKER_01 54:52

Right. And even if that person doesn't end up being your soulmate or someone you're in a relationship with, you can find play partners. Play partners are fun, right?

SPEAKER_00 55:03

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 55:04

Thank you so much for joining us today. Can you share that book again with my listeners in case they want to grab it for themselves?

SPEAKER_00 55:12

Yeah, it's called Per the Sexual Deviant in All of Us by Jesse Baring. I believe he also has a podcast. So he is also the author of Why is the penis shaped like that?

SPEAKER_01 55:22

So we all want to know. And can you tell my listeners where they can find you if they are looking for someone to talk to about their fetish?

SPEAKER_00 55:32

Sure. You can find me on Patreon, so J R Sex on Patreon. And then in the state of Georgia, I am a licensed therapist at Storybrooke, so S-T-O-R-I-E-B-R-O-O-K.com and would love to chat with anybody who wants to chat about fetishes. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 55:51

Thank you so much for joining me today, folks. You know me. Things that are weird aren't so weird to me. But I think the most important thing, the reason why I wanted to do this conversation is for people out there who might be sitting in silence and shame and wondering about themselves whether it's one of these fetishes or you have an interest or a kink or a fantasy, even to hear sort of the breadth of fetishes, kinks, interests that are out there and to know that you're not alone and you're not strange and you're not weird. All of us have something going on that, you know, it it can be hard to talk about, but you're not alone. And there are ways to work with whatever urge, need, turn on you have. If this has resonated with you, or you have a fetish you want me to get covered, talk about on this podcast, you can let me know. You can go to my YouTube channel at TalkSex with the net on YouTube. You can drop it into the comments section below so I know what it is and I can find someone to help me talk about it. You can email me at Annette at talksexwithanet.com and tell me all about it so I can find someone or bring Jessica back to help me figure out what it's all about. But again, talk to your partner, find community. Send me a message. All right, all right, listeners, thank you so much. Jessica, thank you for joining me. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 57:22

Thank you so much for having me. This was super fun.

SPEAKER_01 57:25

And until the next time, I'll see y'all in the locker room. Cheers.