Bi Girls Guide To Better Sex: Inside Secrets That Blow Her Mind

 Two bi women. One podcast. A real guide to better sex built from the inside out. 

Bi women know something about pleasuring women that most people never figure out. Because they've been on both sides — they know what it feels like to receive, and they know what it takes to give it well. That combination is a cheat code. And today we're handing it over.

Samia Mounts — queer, non-binary writer, actor, and host of Happy Slut podcast — joins me to share what bi and pan women know about the female body, desire, and pleasure that most people spend a lifetime missing.

In this episode:

• The insider knowledge bi women carry that nobody else has access to
• What women actually need to feel pleasure — and what most people never stop doing wrong
• What she's not telling you during sex — and why
• The specific moves bi women use that most people have never even considered
• How to have better sex tonight using what we know from both sides

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Transcript

New Show Name And Vibe

SPEAKER_01 0:02

I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talk and Shots. The show has a new name, Talk Sex with Annette. But at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious, and speak the unspoken about sex, kink dating, pleasure, and desire. Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chat, our most trusted friends, and of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest, and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. Welcome to my podcast where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Let's talk about sex. Cheers. It is the last week of pride, guys, and I'm closing out with a conversation that is deeply personal and wildly useful. You guys already know that I identify as bisexual or pansexual. I've been moving to the pansexual framework. But what you might not know is how much that has shaped what I understand about sex, not just who I want to have it with, but what I know about it. Because I have been on both sides. I've been the woman who someone's trying to figure out. And I have been the one trying to figure out how to give a woman pleasure. And knowing what it feels like from the inside, the outside, the all sides, that combination is a superpower. At least I think it is. And today I brought in someone who shares it. Samia Mounts is queer and non-binary, a writer, actor, and host of Happy Slut, a sex positive podcast and your permission slip to

Pride Closeout And Guest Intro

SPEAKER_01 1:57

want what you want. Today we are going all the way in what bisexuality or pansexuality actually is, what our experience has been, the challenges, and the part that I'm most excited about, but being on all sides of the bed and sex has taught us about pleasure and being a better lover in bed. And by the time we get to the end of this podcast, we are going to have mapped out a guide, if you will, from our perspective to being better in bed. I'm gonna say for that femme or woman, you want to get off. But for now, Samia, can you tell my friends and my listeners more about you?

SPEAKER_00 2:45

Yes, absolutely. Thank you so much for having me, Annette. I'm Samia Mounts. My name is a complete sentence, and it's an reflection of something I very much like to do with my time. I am a pansexual, polyamorous, uh, sex positive, non-binary actor, singer, writer, and podcaster. And I got really interested in normalizing sexual autonomy and freedom and the freedom to express yourself in ways that aren't prescribed by patriarchal culture to give people social permission to want exactly what they want. That's me.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

And that's what we've been trying to do here, right? Deconstruct the patriarchy. And I get messages from men all the time that say, when you say patriarchy, we automatically feel like it's something you're saying against us. And I hear that. And I'm glad that you're willing to say that to me and stick around because that is not at all what this is about. This is about how a system affects all of us, especially in bed. I think this is a great time to talk about something I've been thinking about with it with someone who is a lot like me, which is that my experience as a bisexual or pansexual woman who dates people of all genders, who's had sex with people of many of the genders, like what I've learned from that combined with my education, has made me what I think is an incredible coach to people who want to pleasure, specifically women. I think that's where I shine, if you will. So I want you to stay tuned because this conversation is going to end with a nice little bye girls guide or by femmes guide to having better sex in bed. We're going to be sharing some of our greatest challenges, but also our best tips. And you can take them home tonight and use them when you go to pleasure her. So I'm ready. Let's start talking about how to get women off. Oh, I'm ready to this topic. Yes, I'm ready.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

Let's do it. Cheers.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Cheers. Before we get to that part, which is going to be my favorite part of this conversation, I want to start by making sure all of our listeners fully understand what bisexuality is and pansexuality is. Now, I'm using them a bit interchangeably because I think that you can, but I actually would like to have you talk to my listeners about this.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

Sure, yes. There's a lot of confusion here because they can seem like the same thing. But if you can see that there is both a concept of a gender binary and a concept of a gender spectrum, that's where the differences kind of shine. So you could see the binary and the spectrum that stretches across the binary. And for somebody who's bisexual, they're interested in people on the ends of that spectrum. They're interested in men and women, people who are cisgender. They're turned on by both cisgender women and cisgender men. Identifying as pansexual means that you are open to attractions and sexual encounters with all those people in the middle of the spectrum. So that includes non-binary people, genderqueer people, trans people, and everybody else who's not strictly man or woman in their self-identification. Right.

Bisexual Vs Pansexual Explained

SPEAKER_01 6:09

Now, I push back on that a little bit as a bi woman. I I would say, no, first I would say I do think that was the original setup for those names, bisexual versus pansexual. But I think what happened in the bi community was there was some argument about that. They were like, well, I use the term, and I used the term as bi, meaning gender, genders the same as mine and genders other than mine. And I know that that's used a lot in the community I'm part of. I like that a lot too. I fully accept that. I think that I don't know our age difference here. Can I ask you? I'm 42. Oh, you're with you're close enough. We're close enough. I'm I'm 52. I feel like I was really gripped on to bisexual as an identity, the term, because it was a first term when I was a teenager, because it came out really right as I was in my late teens, and I went, Oh, that's what I am. It was the first moment I actually realized there was something to explain why I felt all of these ways when the only two terms that I had ever been introduced to were heterosexual and homosexual or straight and gay. And I was like, Well, I don't know, because I like masturbate thinking about dudes and have crushes on dudes, but I've got all these feelings about this girl who I keep kissing over here. Same same. So I really held on to that terminology in the last, I would say five years. I've slowly just been like, I am definitely I'm gonna have to move to pansexual. Like that's just what I am. Like I really am attracted to people, right? Like, gender is like not a thing for me. Like, I don't really care what equipment you come with. It's all fun in my book. So, but yeah, I think that you gave the clearest, best definition for both.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

And I should amend it to say that there I realized as I was speaking, and then as you were speaking, that there's an updated version that says bisexuality actually includes trans people. Right. Not trans non-binary, because that would be in the middle of the spectrum, but trans people, because trans women are women and trans men are men. So if you're attracted to a trans woman or a trans man, you're the but you're not attracted to non non-binary people, I would say you're still bisexual.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

I'm definitely not. So would that exclude like androgynous people?

SPEAKER_00 8:50

I think it is all very squishy and up for interpretation at this point. I like you use bi and pan interchangeably. Okay, yeah. It's just easiest.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

I like to keep people guessing. I use queer a lot. Queer too. Anyways, guys, you get the gist, which is we have sex and intimacy and romance with people of all genders, including women. And that's what our conversation when it comes to our guide is going to focus on is the beautiful women and how we give them pleasure. But I want to talk to you first a little bit about your journey in queerness and your experience, how and when you realized and where you are with it now.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

Oh, great. Thank you for this opportunity. I knew at a really young age that I was attracted to people of both genders back when we only thought there were two. So when I'm like six, seven, eight years old, I'm playing games with my friends. I'm gender switching in these like sexually charged role-playing games I invented. I knew I there those things were inside of me that early. By age 14, I had the word bisexual. I came out, but I was in a really conservative military community growing up in a foreign country. So there wasn't a lot of there weren't a lot of other kids. Like my school was very small. There wasn't much opportunity to experiment. So it wasn't until college that my binus really got to come out and be consummated in the world. It was all just unrequited crushes on my straight girlfriends all through high school. So sad and yearning. And then I had this experience when I was a young woman. My very first relationship with a man was very traumatizing and abusive. And after that relationship, there was a period of a couple years where dicks turned me off. I hated them, but I still was attracted to women. So for a couple of years there, I was young enough that I thought maybe I'm gay. And so, like, I'm a Leo, we go big. I came out to the whole world this gay. I chopped off on my hair, and I was a lesbian for two years. Then, as my trauma started to heal, my bisexuality resurfaced.

Queer Journeys Trauma And Labels

SPEAKER_00 11:19

And in the last five, seven years or so, I had discovered the term pansexual and started identifying that way. But in my journey, I've had so much, other than that, when when I was a lesbian for two years, I dated a lot of women, and I found myself acting like an asshole guy. Like all of the behaviors that I would complain about in men, I started doing. And it made me step back and be like, whoa, first of all, I judge men well way less. Like I kind of, I kind of get why this stuff comes out. One of the things you said in the intro about patriarchy, patriarchy is not men. Like, patriarchy is just as bad for men as it is for women, but in very different ways. And these patriarchal scripts around sex and dating are what was turning me into an asshole guy when I tried to date femme women. So I stopped dating women for a really long time. I'd have sex with women when it fell into my lap, or it was a threesome or something, or I was at a sex party, I'd have sex with women in those contexts, but I wouldn't date women. I even got to the point where I was like, maybe I'm not bi-romantic anymore. Maybe I'm just bisexual and I can I can fuck women, but I'm not interested in them romantically. That was all lies. It was all lies. I was just afraid of being an asshole guy. In the last five years or so, I've started unpacking all of that and really starting to work on my internalized misogyny and all the ways that patriarchal programming has fucked me up. And a result of all that is I'm dating and sleeping with women again, and it's going very well. The way you smiled when you said that.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

So happy. I definitely, when I started having sex with women, something I noticed that I stepped right into, and it hasn't changed much, is I really liked be in the DOM role or in more of the top role with women. And it just comes naturally to me. And I've really questioned sometimes like, why is that such a thing for me? Why does the idea of being on the other side of it with a woman feel so awkward to me? And I also have had times where I'm like, oh, I am kind of being a dick, or I am like talking to or thinking about this woman or the woman I'm sleeping with, especially if it's casually, in what I would consider a very misogynistic way, right? And I think my thought on that is that is the example that was set before us that telling us like what it's supposed to be like if you're with a woman. The only thing we had really seen was like how men do it. That's the example that's set out there for us.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

And the example of that is porn, which is, as one of my favorite feminist writers, Clementine Morgan puts it, the industrialized eroticization of misogyny in the vast majority of porn. That's that's what it is. And that's where everyone is learning about sex.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

Right.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

So now you're dating women and you feel like you've caught your stride, it sounds like.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Well, I'm starting to like I so I have I have somebody right now that my partner, my male partner, and I are seeing together, which is one of those very lucky situations where the chemistry is going in all directions from every direction. Like everybody's into everybody, it's great. And then I I there's I have a long distance crush for the girl who lives in a place that I used to live than don't live there anymore. So that's that's it's not like I'm not like prolific, but I hope to be. We're building, we're building. It's it's I'm I'm in a much better place than I was five years ago, which was like my lady love was dead, and it was so sad, and I was questioning everything about myself.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

It is quite the journey. I know that I've been on it. I I'm still on it, even from where I was at two years ago to where I am now, how I feel in my own sexuality and how I live it is totally changed. You know, I like I was like one example is when we were talking about pride, maybe two to five years ago, I had to be have everything rainbow on, I had to be at every event, I had to do those real outward sort of for it. I had to be really loud about it in every aspect of my life. And now, like, I don't feel it's not that I feel more comfortable in my queerness today than I ever have, but I feel less need to shout it than I did five years ago. You know what I mean? Yeah, because you don't feel like you got anything to prove. I love I go to a lot of sapphic events. I love going to dances where it's all women, all queer women are gatherings. Yeah, it's amazing. That's like most of the time when I go at dancing, me and my girlfriends, who are all primarily bisexual, pansexual, some of them, but we tend to choose to go to suffic events where it's all women. And I like want to make it clear too, many of these women do have male partners in their lives. So for my listeners, because I know I've got a lot of men out here, and I y'all get confused. And when you get mad at me, you start calling me an angry lesbian. Men are they're like, you're just an angry lesbian, you just don't want a man anymore. I'm like, that's not at all true. That's not at all what's happening here. A lot of queer women are still in relationship with men.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Yeah. And also angry lesbians are my favorite people. I don't think that's an insult. Like a cat. I love cat. Uh love. So much good has been accomplished by angry fucking lesbians. So much progress in this world is because of many lesbians.

SPEAKER_01 18:05

But also angry bisexual women. We did a lot of work too. Come on.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

Oh, I would I would posit a theory that if you got really honest answers from from both lesbians and straight women, you'd find out that the vast majority of them are actually somewhere on the bisexual bisexuality spectrum. Like I re I'm sorry. I just look around the wheel. That was me for a couple of years when I was 20. If I had been more traumatized, I that could have been me forever. I'm not saying that all lesbians are traumatized by girls. I'm not saying that. But in patriarchy, a lot of women are traumatized by men. And so we end up with this terrible thing where sexuality gets just so twisted and perverted by these cultural scripts that aren't helping anybody find intimacy or be good in bed or please women in bed.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

What I well say is I know a lot of lesbians who dabble in dick every once in a while and just don't tell anybody.

SPEAKER_00 19:16

So you know a lot of gay men who dabble in pussy and just don't talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

All right. So let's get down to the guide part of this. What I want to know from your perspective is what are some things that you've learned from being the the pleasure receiver and then also the pleasure giver to women, people with vulvas that you think straight people being men don't know. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

My biggest thing is getting the woman off is not the goal, there is not to feel good about yourself. All right. If you go into, I'm gonna get her off so that I can feel cool about myself, you're not gonna be paying enough attention to her because you're gonna be paying so much attention to yourself. You go in with curiosity and you make her feel safe. If you do those two things, go in with curiosity, what actually turns her on, what actually feels good to her, what makes her moan, what makes her go, ooh, I don't know about that. Figure that out. Go really slow, get really curious, ask her questions, make it sexy, and you make her feel safe by actually taking care of her, putting your focus on her instead of on yourself. You will be great in bed. You will not be able to help yourself. Those two things are the formula for being great in bed. That's my number one thing.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Go in with curiosity and make her feel safe.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

Yeah. Yeah. My number two thing is every woman is different. And I think we get this idea that like men are all the same and women are all different. Men are all different and women are all different. Everybody likes different things. Everybody's gonna be turned on by different kinds of touch, different rhythms, different depths, different forms of passion. So understand that in your initial encounters with somebody, you're gonna have to do

Patriarchy Scripts And Dating Women

SPEAKER_00 21:14

some calibrating. And there might be awkward moments where you don't do things perfectly, and that's fine. Because if you're curious and you're making her feel safe, you're gonna figure it out together. And it's okay if it's a little awkward. Laugh at yourself, don't take it so seriously. Again, I feel like a lot of men go into sexual encounters with women with the mindset of, I need to be a stud, I need to be a stallion, I need to please her so I can look good. And like, just no, stop that. I want to please her because I want to please her, and so I'm gonna get curious about her, and I'm gonna calibrate to what she wants, and I'm not gonna just assume that what worked on the last pussy I fucked is gonna work on this pussy and go in guns blazing with an idea in my mind of how it should be. No, drop that. Every woman's different. Calibrate. Right.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

Men like cars, right? And engines. That's the thing they like, right? I know nothing. I know nothing about cars or engines, but I have watched a man take an engine apart passionately and put it back together passionately and learn the pieces and parts and the nuts and bolts. I think those are in it. And exactly how they need to twist it and how tight they need to get the things so that the whole engine, after it's completely oiled and lubed up, I think that's a thing that happens too to engines or something in a car.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

You need lube for an engine. Literally. That's my third tip. Yes. Always bring lube. Bring lube and ask her actually. Ask her if there are certain kinds of lube that don't agree with her. Like my current lady lover has one lube that she can use, a specific lube. You best better believe that now that I know what that is, the next time she's coming to visit me, I'm having it in my nightstand.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

Make her bring it. Show her that you are thinking of her. Better than flowers.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

Exactly. And and I'm telling you, use lube from the beginning. Get a lube that you don't mind licking, because lube is good no matter what. Lube is good for fingers, lube is good for toys, lube is good for penis penetration.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

It's lube. I loved you bringing up the curiosity part. And I brought up the car part part. And you can like use any passion a man has, whether it's fishing and fishing lures and creating them and learning how to like make them perfectly. The way you learn to do those things, whether it's an engine or it's like your fishing hobby or you like building toy trains. I don't know, whatever it is men like to do, the way you got good at it was by being curious about it in the first place, and then learning what it took, the intricacies, learning, and the minute you like ranked too hard on the I think a bolt is what you would do that on, or something to screw, if you screwed too hard, whatever it is, and something broke or bent or didn't work right, you were like, fuck, I'm not doing that again. Next time I'll be softer. You didn't blame it on the the thing that broke, or you didn't blame it on a car. No, and you didn't beat yourself up for hours. Oh, I'm so stupid. You went, oh well, I've just learned that thing, not doing it again. Oh, this is actually a yeah, I just figured it out. It came to me just now. Believe it or not. Inspired. And I will say this because I think why it fit with me is because I've tried when I am so lucky to have a goddess lying before me with her legs spread open. I love a pillow princess. I love to get to have my way with a pillow princess. But that's what I'm doing. I'm like trying that I know some moves I've been teaching them. I know some things that typically will work. I do not expect they're all gonna work on everyone, but I'm gonna go in and I'm gonna feel for it and I'm gonna look for the subtle hitches. When I push the thing and those someone flinches against me in a it's not great way, then I'm gonna back off. Oh, I just kind of broke that. That's not the thing. I'm not pushing that button anymore. I think that's the other tip I really would love for men and anyone who's pleasuring a woman to get is that that attention and that you're looking for the things that keep the pleasure on track and you're looking for the hitches that are getting it off track. And the first time you're really going to be dialed in, right? I'm not worried about if I'm physically excited. I'm not looking for my pussy to be in a pleasureful way. I'm just sure. And that curiosity and exploration is the excitement. And this is where we can get into or energetic orgasms, right? The excitement is in the energy, and it's power, it's power that you have. You get to have the power of potentially eliciting a great pleasureful response from this goddess in front of you, right? And you're really paying attention and being curious and honing in the moves and figuring out where you touch her, what things will light her up, what things start to bring her down out of that excited phase. Look at it like you do when you're learning any new hobby you're passionate about. It's fun and it's interesting. And when you get it right, you get a big fucking high. You're like, oh fuck. Look at her. Whoa, all right. I'm gonna keep doing that. I'm gonna keep and and then when you're four to five fingers deep or she's asking for your fist, you're like, fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Some more like specific practical physical tips if you're interested, too. All right, the power of a flat palm on a pussy. All right, just take your whole palm and like palm the pussy and like press the flat part of your palm into the area where her clitoris is and like move it around, like, but keeping it in one place, applying pressure, little circles. If you're the kind of man who's still struggling with like, where's the clitoris? All right, do that, you'll hit it. You'll hit it. Don't do little fingers like this unless she tells you specifically that she wants that on her clit, because that's gonna be too much for a lot of women. Don't flick the bean. That's not pleasurable for so many women. And if it is pleasurable for a particular woman, she'll probably know that and tell you. But don't flick it, don't don't poke it. Flat, flat fingers, flat palms, flat tongues, circles. Start with flat and circles, and you'll be in a great position to move on from there.

SPEAKER_01 28:16

So I want to add to that, which you kind of covered, like one of the biggest complaints I I've heard from women is like, don't use the tip of your tongue to free orals. And you're just like poking at it with the tip of your tongue. And the whole flat pawn thing, actually, there's the same technique with the tongue. And I have yet to have it not work. Yeah. Like you go in and you just like pulsate it, like, yeah, you you just like pulsate a right, press into the like you lay that tongue flat and you just pulse it in. Use to it. Yeah, it will strengthen your tongue too. That'll pretty much feel good for any pussy.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

Like I like pretty much people like that. Also, think of it as like French kissing. Uh like think of the like if if okay, listen, actually, not everybody knows about a French kiss well, but if you're good, if you know you're good at kissing with tongue, do that to a pussy. Make out with that pussy. Almost every pussy I've ever been with, I'd love to be made out with. Because it's a combination of those wonderful flat, swirly motions that pretty much feel good to everybody.

SPEAKER_01 29:23

But a lot of men in particular, I don't think I've had a girl do this to me ever, actually. A lot of men do flick the tongue in the mouth. Yeah, they've seen it in porn. I'm like, where the fuck did you told you to do that?

SPEAKER_00 29:41

Stop that right now. Yeah, there's just so much misinformation, and just the fact that they they didn't map the clitoris fully until like this year. Like, we just all of the knowledge about how to please women in bed has been word of mouth knowledge spread by women like us. And you guys, there's so much more to pleasuring a woman than just the pussy, just the sometimes when my partner and I are too tired to actually have sex, we'll just masturbate next to each other and like talk out of fantasy, and it'll make both of us come. Like wonderful. Also, nipple orgasms are a thing. If you have not given your girl a nipple orgasm, she might be capable of it. You just need to give it some try. Just try, just try. I didn't know I could have nipple orgasms until I was like 35. I haven't. I haven't had one.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

Oh, honey. I can. So, fun fact about me, I have talked about it before, is I have one of my nipples is an innie. And it used to kind of come out to play, but then I had children and breastfed, and now it's like, fuck you, world, leave me alone. But it there's still a lot of sensation. So when I have my shirt off and I'm looking at you, it looks like my like my boobs are winking at you. I got one perfect, cute little nipple, and then I got one that's in and it's like this crease.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

So it looks like a it looks like a little have you ever had anybody like actually try to like like lightly tongue fuck your any nipple? Oh I think so.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

People what

The Core Formula For Better Sex

SPEAKER_01 31:17

I don't like is how you try to suck it out. Okay, folks, take some tips. If you're listening, tongue fuck my nipple. I mean, yes, because I do like stimulation. It feels it actually is very sensitive. But here's what people do wrong, and this is where the ego comes in. They try to suck it out or get it to come out because then they're they think that, oh, it's excited and I made it do that, and it hurts me. Oh, it's painful. So that's where the ego comes in. It's not it's their ego, it's not about my pleasure, it's about them feeling like studs.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

Yeah, exactly. That is the killer of intimacy and and female pleasure, is if you're doing it to feel like a stud, fuck right off.

SPEAKER_01 32:04

And women have done that to me too, though. Like it's everybody. Oh, I'll get her. Come on. Women try to be studs too. And I obviously have tried to. I have tried to be a stud, I'm not gonna lie. In my lifetime, I've pulled some. But that goes back to this patriarchal conditioning. We can talk about that too. Just a good example of that in queer femme relationships. A lot of femmes assume a mask should be the one to top them and to make the first move and this and that. Well, if you guys know me, that's obviously not gonna be my dynamic. That that isn't I've never been in that. But it and those that's that belief or thought or assumption is internalized misogyny.

SPEAKER_00 32:46

And it's polluting straight relationships too. Just the fact that we think, oh, the man does the penetrating and the woman is always receiving, the man is dominant and the woman is submissive, means straight couples who feel for their identity they need to adhere to those roles. They're missing out on half the fun of sex. Like, when you switch those roles in a heterosexual relationship, you get a form of intimacy that is so sweet and so tender and so fucking hot. My partner now and I have been sleeping together for almost 20 years, but for most of it, it was very traditional. He was he was fucking me. I was more submissive, and only in the last four or five months have we been like actually in a real relationship where we see each other every day for the first time in almost 20 years. And suddenly these other dynamics are coming out. Like I ate his ass the other night, and he was my like a like a puddle in my hands, and it was so delicious to like see him like that when I'm used to seeing him be this like strong stallion thrusting into me. And it made our connection hotter. Like, I'm gonna get to have my way with him the way he has his way with me. And it's a whole new level of our relationship that's so sexy. I feel so bad for straight couples who feel like they have to stick to those roles, who don't explore butt play with the man, who don't explore power dynamics where they switch things around.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

Yeah, and I think I I think it's only fair for like honesty in this conversation because I do think that I struggle sometimes in again, I've been very honest that I tend to be more dumb with women. And then I like a man who like can make me make me really subby. It's hard for it's hard for me to be submissive or even want to be. So when when I meet a guy that kind of like, I'm like, oh, I get real fucking excited about that. But it's hard to I do think that it's also hot to think about, but I also like the idea of like like a big strong man being like bringing him to his knees. Don't get me wrong, I like that idea too.

SPEAKER_00 34:55

I can definitely do that. Put him on his back and like grab his knees and push them back against his shoulders, and he's just suddenly a little sexy, splayed-out, delicious meal. Someone has some experience here, and they love it, they love it. They like for guys who haven't had that done to them and who are open to it. I obviously would never do that to anybody who had any kind of hesitation on the yes, like they need to want it. But like when they want it and it hasn't been done to them before, the sweetness of the gratitude and the pleasure is so obvious and so it's it's delicious.

SPEAKER_01 35:35

So there's the tip too is we never move forward when someone hesitates with a yes. But you can take time with someone because it's building trust with someone so that maybe that that like I'm interested but not ready turns into like I trust you enough now, I'm curious enough now, let's give this a try. Or creating a safe enough space that with time your partner can allow themselves to explore things that they thought weren't open to them with you. Like, how amazing is it when someone is like, I never thought this is something I'd be interested in, but I feel like I can explore this with you. That's fucking hot. But you have to create the space for that. And as someone who's

Hands Tongues And Clit Basics

SPEAKER_01 36:28

been or is living as someone who is bisexual, pansexual, and having relationships with all different types of people, you have to, in meeting people, learn how to create a space where you can figure out what they want and need because it's not clear right off the bat. I think living as a bisexual and dating different genders, like I never know what role or what experience they're gonna want with me. I have to create a space where I know they're gonna be honest with what they want and we can move forward with that if it's a good fit. I don't know when I meet another woman, is she gonna be like, well, actually, I'm a dom too? So how are we gonna? Or when I'm with a man, a lot of men reach out to me wanting a dommy mommy. I'm not gonna lie. And I'm like, oh, I'm looking for some daddy action. How do we make that work? And in order to find out truly what someone wants, because it's hard to ask for those things for some people. I even find it hard sometimes to say to someone, this is what I want, because I don't, it's vulnerable. I can talk about shit here, but you get me into bedroom and I'm like, it's true. I hate it, but it's true. But it's all about creating safety so that people can really ask for it.

SPEAKER_00 37:49

Yeah. And we talked about creating safety for women, but creating safety for men is such a big deal, especially these days when men are feeling so very much on their back foot, so vulnerable, so much like the world has changed and it has been leaving them behind. Like, we need to make it safe to be a full human being as a man. So we need to stop expecting them to be a hard penis and nothing else in a sexual encounter. Like, decenter the penis. I'm on the decenter the penis train. Like, men are more than their penises, just like we are more than our vulvas. And allowing men to be fully expressive sexual creatures is a whole journey in and of itself. W patriarchy is interesting because it says that men are the only full people and women are kind of subhuman, but the way we're socialized is women are socialized to be superhuman, and men are socialized in a way that makes them subhuman because they get cut off from their emotions, and we are socialized to be so emotionally attuned that we get cut off from taking care of ourselves. So it's like this weird, ironic imbalance and cognitive dissonance that controls everything. So, safety for men, safety for women. We all need to be able to embrace our full humanity in order to have the best sex that's possible for us. Lovely.

SPEAKER_01 39:09

I'm gonna take time to listen to that little piece over and over again. I think that it is so complex, right? And everybody is fighting for their humanity inside a structure that's making it very difficult for us all to see each other as humans. I think one of the greatest gifts I've been given in life is my son, who uh I absolutely adore. I have uh a beautiful daughter, I have a beautiful non-binary child, and then I have my son. And I think that it forces me every time I do start to get into that frame of mind of being angry at the generalized men label to remember this beautiful being who I know inside and out is just human, and trying to learn to be a good human and connect and still navigate this reality. And if I can take that and I can say this is all people, regardless of gender, but including men, it brings me to a different place. And I try to see that in even the men who show up in my comments to tell me the thing. My god, y'all have a problem with my nose ring. Like, for God's sake. I love your nose ring. Uh it's just I know. Well, that's it's doing its job. Those guys don't like it. You do. I'd say I'm winning. That's exactly this is to you men out there. This is my nose ring doing its job. She likes it. Go look in the mirror. You don't. It's doing its job. But I I think that, and it's why I it's been sort of a happy accident that most of my content and my teachings and speaking to people to help them to be better pleasure givers has landed with men because I'm a girls, girl man. I want girls to have all the orgasms. But simultaneously, while we are learning to give all the women pleasure and close the orgasm gap, we are simultaneously helping men learn how to connect better with their partners, to be more compassionate, to share their emotions, but you cannot be good in bed if you cannot access those parts of you. Right? Right. And that's what we we all really want to have happen. I think we have come full circle with this conversation and given some really good, like the most important tips. I'm look, every Monday I'm dropping my how-to's and I'm giving you literal things you can try in bed. And like she said at the beginning, there isn't one that's gonna work on everyone. The whole point is do what I do. When you go in, you are sitting there in this wonderful position. Take some of the tips I've given you and start trying them. When you feel her body react, because you're gonna be as in tuned to her

Power Dynamics Safety And Trust

SPEAKER_01 42:20

vulva and vagina and her body and her skin and her breath and her sounds as you are to that of an engine in a car when you rev it up, when you rev it up to see if there's any hiccups in it, or if it sounds off and you're like, no, something's still wrong. We're gonna do the same when we're in between her legs. And also you can use your words with a car.

SPEAKER_00 42:47

I love that. That's true. Women are better than cars because they're people that can talk. And I guarantee you, I'm gonna have some men who disagree with Well, I hear you're making really wonderful AI sex dolls for those men. So, you know what? I feel like this is the answer to our problems. Those men can purchase an AI sex doll and they can have her, and they don't have to bother real women with their bullshit anymore. But for those of you who are interested in real intimacy and real connection and and truly attuned pleasure, listen to us more. Listen to Annette. Right.

SPEAKER_01 43:23

Let's break it down. Okay top buy girl tips for really good sex from two people with vaginas. What do you think are the top things that they could start doing tonight that would shift their dynamic in the bedroom fast and give not only their partner more orgasms and more pleasure, but also make them feel more connected and fulfilled themselves in bed? Make her feel safe.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

About her. Your goal is giving her pleasure, not feeling like a stud. Take your ego out. Flat palm, flat tongue circles.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

I second it. I second the flat tongue and the flat palm. Lube. There's a little bit of takeaways. Lots of lube. Absolutely. I think my biggest tip is the thing that has, I think makes me the best that I can be when I'm in a sexual situation with a woman is really tuning in to her whole physical response, listening to her breath, watching how her skin reacts when she tenses, like just being fully tuned in as I'm touching her. I really like to start out getting to know a lover's body without necessarily having my pleasure be something on the table. Like I like to just have this beautiful person in front of me and get the opportunity to explore. Like be a pillow princess. And I I like that with any gender. Yeah. I like that with any gender. I think it's fun to just like let me learn your body. Let me touch, let me smell, let me taste, let me grab some you utensils or tools or toys.

SPEAKER_00 45:28

But that's a curiosity. You're describing what it means to be a curious lover. A curious and a generous lover. We should we didn't say generosity, but we've been talking around it this whole time. Generosity for sure. Take your ego out of it. Make it about her. Make it about her.

SPEAKER_01 45:44

Make it about her. But I think taking like time with a lover, especially if it's an ongoing situation to really get to know their body and their responses and memorize them. Then every time you're with them and you start to change things up and switch them up, you'll know the sign to slow down, to go faster. I think something that's also really important is one of my favorite discoveries is what happens inside of her when pleasure starts to rise or shut down. I can feel it with my fingers. So be like a blind person reading Braille. Yes. Because there are shifts inside of a woman that take place that tell you exactly where to go. And they're pretty incredible. Like I get like, oh, I get little zings from that when I feel like things, you know, that the G spot getting thicker. I'm like, oh yeah. Or the tempting inside the vaginal canal happens. A lot of people just don't know about that. She will open up and invite you in, literally, and you'll be like, oh, I think I will.

SPEAKER_00 46:52

If you want to finger uh a lady, clip your nails. Clip them, clip them. I was forgotten because mine aren't well clipped. But you wouldn't if you're going to, if you're gonna finger a lady put on gloves.

SPEAKER_01 47:03

There we are, bingo. I mentioned this in one of my fingering how-to's, and some guy just thought it was so gloves, ha ha ha ha ha ha. I was like, nitrile gloves are a big part of lesbian and queer femme culture, and you can laugh all you want, but the studies show that women who pleasure women have more orgasms. These gals are getting each other off. So shut up, wear some gloves, or take really good care of your hands. If I've been lifting in the gym a lot and I'm really callous, then I'm gonna find a way to make sure that that rough skin is not ripping away at her delicate delicacies. Gloves.

SPEAKER_00 47:46

And also, gloves can be sexy. Get you some black latex gloves. They're hot looking. The clear ones look a little medical. The blue ones look too really medical, but the black ones look like it's sexy time. And we also didn't even talk about toys. Like, pro move, show up to your date with a lady with a bag of toys. Whether you are a man or a woman, if you show up with a bag that's got like lubes, condoms, rope, other kinds of restraints, I don't know, wax, a paddle, a feather, a vibrator or five, a clit sucker, bring a bunch of whatever you got, bring it, bring it, try stuff out on her. She'll be so impressed. Like, I've got this array of things. I'm just gonna put them out on your table. And do you tell me what looks good to you? We'll experiment.

SPEAKER_01 48:32

I agree. So I will say, I find it it it's very rare that men show up with toys. My dude, it's so impressive. My ex, that's probably it's definitely why we ended up in a relationship, showed up to our first sex date with supplies. Like I was like, I was like, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, you did. This is like fuck yeah, let's go, right? I feel like that's usually on me. So as long as we've gone there, look, I have I have a I got a hoe on the go bag that I can put stuff in. It's so important. Little extra set of panties, some lube, my toys, makeup to freshen up perfume, whatever gum. What what would you say? They don't have so they maybe in the back of their car they could have something, but it's a little more tricky for them, right? Okay. Basically, what basic things that if he was like, hold on, I gotta go grab my backpack out of the car.

SPEAKER_00 49:36

I would say very, very basic, have some kind of a vibrating

Gloves Toys And Coming Prepared

SPEAKER_00 49:40

wand, some kind of a dildo in case you have performance anxiety and you don't want to depend on your dick, bring a dildo so you can still fuck her. And then if you want to go advanced, you could have a G spot vibe. You could bring a set of cock rings for yourself, because that can also help with keeping an erection strong when you're having an anxious moment. Those would be the basics. Those would be at at minimum, have some kind of a vibrator, some cock rings. What was the other thing I said? An a dildo. An a dildo. Yeah. And lube. Oh yeah, and we said lube. Well, lube is like a given. Condoms. Condoms are your job. They should be your job because you're wearing them. So don't jump to my place and then complain about how my condom doesn't fit you right or like isn't giving you enough sensation when you could have gone out into the marketplace and experimented and found what works for you and brought it yourself.

unknown 50:35

Come on.

SPEAKER_01 50:36

You know what? I'm gonna go a step further with this and say, because it's my preference. If you want to show a woman that you know your shit, also come with a pleasure air tech or a suction toy. Learn, get one, learn how to use it. I prefer, I will say this vibration will definitely is more likely to numb her out quicker than Pleasure AirTech. Yeah. That's just a given. And if you know how to use Pleasure AirTech, so it's also learning it. Someday this should be a given for everybody. It's not that complicated, but it's newer, right? Learning how to use it, which doesn't mean you have to get it right on the clip. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna do a demo on my OnlyFans. I'm gonna get to that in the next week or two and put it up. So I'm just gonna walk you through exactly how to find it, how to use it in different situations. You can get a little one, a little one that fits between two bodies. You're gonna have to watch out because you'll want to come real quick, though. Like I don't, I take forever to come. You stick a pleasure error clip on my pussy. Well, we're fucking and um like it's call it a day.

SPEAKER_00 51:46

Yeah. I I have I'm like multiply orgasmic, and the only way to really experience the full potential of my orgasms is to keep going for long enough to keep get them building to the point where they get crazy, which takes a while. So oh, that we didn't say that either, but don't assume that you gave her one orgasm and you're done. Some women, there are some women out there who have one and they're done. I have met some, I have slept with some, but I think most women are capable of more than one orgasm, and you should fully exploit that potential.

SPEAKER_01 52:17

Like if after I have an orgasm, I'm actually hornier. And right after an orgasm is when I want to get pounded. Like I'm not into a lot of pounding prior, but I orgasm, and I'm like, pound me. Like, give me a good pound. Now is the time. It's your go game, right? Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. So and if you have at least two orgasms before you're pounding me. And if you have a pleasure air tech toy and you've already are spent, which God bless you, that's fair. You can then use your hand to do the rest of the work, if you will. And the Pleasure AirTech toy, like then you can use your hand.

SPEAKER_00 52:57

She will explode. She will explode into a cloud of confetti. You will be left with a puddle of woman. Yeah, that's the key.

SPEAKER_01 53:07

There's your guide. And if you're really tired, but you want it her to keep getting a really good fuck, I don't have it sitting here, but I will put a picture of it like a toy like the blend, the womanizer blend, which has like that external clitoral suction plus the G spot. Yeah, you can you can put that on her for hours and give her a I just hang out by myself for hours having multiple orgasms, but I've also used it to give women multiple and rolling orgasms. So and and at that point, they don't care if it's you. Nobody expects that of you. Women, if you expect

Suction Toys Multiple Orgasms And Finishing

SPEAKER_01 53:55

that of a man, that's fucked up. Like, no, that's not it. Maybe there's a guy that can do it, but we're not asking that. You just pull that out, you sit back and you drink some water.

SPEAKER_00 54:07

My tea while I double fuck you. Honest. Listen, I've done that while like smoking a joint, and it's the hottest nobody. You you never looked more badass than when you're fucking a woman with one hand and smoking something with the other. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 54:23

This is the by girls guide, you guys wanted. This is how we're fucking because we know, like, I also think because we don't have that expectation of ourselves or from a some straight woman who doesn't know any better to have a body part that's gonna do it all and keep doing it. You know what I mean? So we can just be like, Oh, you're still in the mood. That's great. I'm gonna like let me just grab my water and take care of you. Let me smoke and join it.

SPEAKER_00 54:53

Decenter the penis. Decentering the penis is for men's benefit so that they can understand that they can have lesbian sex too. And that doesn't mean your penis doesn't get taken care of.

SPEAKER_01 55:02

It's no, we love you and the rest of you.

SPEAKER_00 55:05

But we don't want to put that much pressure on him.

SPEAKER_01 55:07

It's so much pressure for the poor guy. Dave, I'll tell you, I've said a million times, I've been fucking a woman before I had I had a girlfriend who, oddly enough, against everything I've taught you, pretty much only like to be pounded. And I had my fucking arm at the time, which is my right arm. Oh my god, and it's just my arm. I got so tired. I got so tired, and I thought to myself, how dudes do this? Like, oh no, they do it, but then again, I should have switched out and said, All right, here, I'm just gonna use a thrusting toy, or I'm gonna use like I don't do that to myself anymore. When I'm tired, if I'm with someone and I've been doing my best and I haven't quite gotten them there, I'm happy to just stop, take a toy, slap it on, finish them off.

SPEAKER_00 56:02

I'm happy to say, touch yourself, make yourself come. I'm gonna caress you and whisper dirty things into your ear. Like that is a thing I call on that technique all the time with both male and female lovers because sometimes you're done, but they're not, and you don't want to abandon them or exit the scene and make it fucking weird. You want to be generous. So you stay, but you let them take over and do what they know will work. Yeah, absolutely. And and it's not personal. It's not personal. That's part of making somebody feel safe. Like, hey, I want you to come. I'm not getting you there, but I wanna I wanna see how you get yourself there and I want to help. Yeah, that's like a beautiful gift. Yeah. I love it when people do that for me, and I love doing that for people. There we go. That's a that's a full guide, right? We covered that was a guide, yeah. That was a strong guide. If we took all that information and put it in a PDF, it would be worth money.

SPEAKER_01 56:57

Yeah. This this episode is worth money if you can follow our trail. We're just you gals having high hormone days with ADHD. And this is what you get, and this is why we're getting bet. We may be messy here, but messy is sexy and good in bed.

SPEAKER_00 57:15

Yes, it fucking is. Yes, it is, Mike Dra.

SPEAKER_01 57:18

And those are our takeaways. All right. Those are our takeaways. So wait, before we close out, we're not gonna sum those up for you. That was our We did sum them up. We summed them up and added some in. That's true. This is what it is like. The hardships of being by the superpowers, the different that we're built different. You were gonna say you didn't agree, but I think we just proved we are built a little bit different, at least up here.

SPEAKER_00 57:48

I think, yeah, I do think we're built different up here in that we're embracing all of the kiloscopic facets of our sexuality, which I want more people to be able to do.

SPEAKER_01 57:59

If this doesn't make you better in bed starting tonight, I don't know what well, because I actually think that we gave you a lot of very specific things you can do that will make a big difference. I love having these conversations because it I feel so seen. And then also it reaffirms I'm not alone in it. So I would love for you to take a moment to tell my listeners everywhere they can find you and where and how they can listen to your podcast, which I will be on soon. So you will be on soon.

SPEAKER_00 58:28

I'm so excited about it. Yes, my podcast is called Happy Slut. Happy Slut with Samia Mounts, S-A-M-I-A-M-L-U-N-T-S. You can also check out my writing on Substack at Sammyamounts.substack.com. And you can find me on Instagram and TikTok at happy slutcast.

SPEAKER_01 58:47

Okay, I've said it all. So go and fuck her well tonight and thank me later for it. Until next time. Thank you so much for joining me, Samia. I will be seeing you soon and to my listeners. Until next time, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers. Cheers.

SPEAKER_02 59:05

Do the sexual.