#327: How to Stop Living for Everyone Else's Approval in Midlife Transitions

Have you spent most of your life proving yourself to everyone else, and are only now beginning to wonder what it would feel like to do it for you?

For decades, so much of what you chased was pointed outward, at parents, employers, families, and a whole world that seemed to be keeping score. That proving built a real life and real skills, and none of it was wasted. But in midlife, something quiet begins to shift. The ambition does not have to end. The audience does. This Thursday check-in, a companion to Monday's episode 326, slows down on the one line that stopped many of you in your tracks and shows you what actually changes when the scorecard finally moves into your own hands.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• Why the inner critic that tells you that you are behind or not good enough in a midlife career transition was almost never your voice to begin with, and whose it actually was
• The freeing difference between proving something to others and proving something to yourself, and why the same goal can feel completely different depending on who is holding the scorecard
• The one honest question to sit with this week that will show you whether your current pursuit is still for them or finally for you

Press play to feel the quiet freedom that comes when your ambition, your goals, and your next chapter finally get to belong to you.

If you would like to see where your own strengths, passions, values, and contribution are pointing to now at this exact stage of your life, take the free Ikigai Clarity Assessment. In just a few minutes, it will show you honestly which parts of you are thriving right now and which ones are quietly waiting for you, so you can begin answering the question of what you want to build next for you.

View the Ikigai Diagram here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1OShXl4--54PyrqsS1j-KODYVdO9FIss5/view?usp=sharing

_________________________

Take the Ikigai Clarity Assessment and find out which of your four Ikigai dimensions may be out of alignment.

Schedule a Clarity and Next Chapter Call with Kavita

New episodes every Monday and Thursday.

This podcast explores career and life transitions, helping women find clarity, confidence, and purpose through Ikigai and self-discovery. We cover navigating change, overcoming self-doubt and limiting beliefs, finding your purpose-driven career, and building the courage to start your next chapter - whether you're facing a career transition, life transition, or midlife reinvention.

itsmytimenowcoaching.com | LinkedIn | Instagram | YouTube

Transcript

Copy

SPEAKER_00 0:00

For most of your life, you may have been proving yourself to everyone else. Today, we talk about the freeing shift that comes in midlife when you finally get to do it for yourself. Welcome to the Midlife Reinvention Podcast, a podcast helping women in career and life transitions achieve clarity on their next steps so they can transform uncertainty into an energizing next chapter. I'm your host, Kavita Ahuja, and the founder of It's My Time Now Coaching. If you're wondering what's next in your career or life, you are in the right place. Through solo and guest episodes, you'll gain practical tips, tools, and inspiration to help you uncover blocks, gain confidence, and be, do, and have what you want. I rediscovered myself after the age of 50, and I know you can too. It's my time now to help you do just that. I'm so excited you're here. Let's dive in. Welcome back to the Midlife Reinvention Podcast. It's your coach Kavita with your Thursday check-in. On Monday, in episode 326, I walked you through my own Ikigai and how it is still evolving even now. And there was one idea in there I want to slow down with you on today because I think a great many of you are standing right in the middle of it. It was something I touched on when I talked about my values, the shift from proving to something else. And I want it to be really clear about what I mean because it is easy to get this wrong. For many, for most of our lives, we may have been trying to prove ourselves. We're proving we can get the grades, land the job, earn the title, raise the children well, hold the whole thing together. And that proving is not a bad thing at all. It builds a life, it builds real skills and confidence. And I wouldn't trade those decades for anything. But here's the thing I want you to notice. For so much of that time, the proving was pointed outward. We were proving ourselves to others, to our parents, and the expectations they raised us with, to our employers, to our families, to a whole world that seemed to be watching and keeping score. So much of what we chased, we chased because somewhere along the way, we absorbed the idea that we had to earn our place, that we had to show them that we were good enough. And when that judgment arrives, when we feel we have fallen short in someone else's eyes, it so often causes us to believe that we are truly not good enough. And that is the moment the inner critic takes over. The voice that tells us that we are behind or that we're not good enough, that we should have been further along by now. That voice was almost never ours to begin with. It was the voice of everyone else we were trying to prove ourselves to. And we simply took it on and made it our own. And what I have come to believe, and what this decade of my life has clarified for me, is that midlife is where that can finally change. Not the ambition, the audience. I'm not here to tell you that achievement is behind you now, that this is a season to sit back and give away what we have gathered. For some women, yes, because this becomes a season of giving back, of mentoring, and of wisdom, and there's actually something really beautiful in that. And if you do feel that pull, honor it. But that's not the only path, and I don't want you to hear that your most ambitious days are over. For a great many women, midlife is exactly when the biggest dreams finally come out. The business, the book, the degree, the thing you never dared. I'm building a whole new chapter myself right now, so I'm certainly not telling you to wind down. What I am telling you is that the reason can change. Because there is a world of difference between proving something to others and proving something to yourself. Proving it to others sounds like I have to, or they expect me to, or what will people think if I don't? It's really heavy and it never quite fills you because someone else is always holding the scorecard, and the approval you are chasing never lasts. But proving to yourself sounds completely different. It sounds like I want to know that I can. I want to see what I am capable of now on my own terms, for no one's sake but my own. And that is one of the most spraying things in the world. Because when you are the one holding the scorecard, when you're the only one you are answering to, the whole game changes. You stop performing and you start authoring. You're not trying to earn your place anymore. You already have it. Now you're simply asking, what do I actually want to build with it? I told you on Monday about a stage in my own heritage in my Hindu tradition called Vanaprashtha, a turning the second half of life towards wisdom and giving back. And that is real, and for some of you it will resonate deeply. But even that, I think, is really about the same shift. It is about no longer living for the approval of the world and beginning to live from what genuinely matters to you. Whether that leads you towards giving back or towards the boldest goal of your life, or both at once, the freedom is the same. You are finally doing it for you. So here is your check-in this week, and it's a simple one. Think of something you are pursuing right now, or something you have been afraid to pursue. And ask yourself one honest question. Who am I really doing this for? Am I still trying to prove something to someone who is watching? Or whose voice is in my head? Or is this genuinely for me? Because I want to know that I can. And if it is the first, sit with this. What would it look like to want it for yourself instead? Because the goal might not change at all, but the way it feels to pursue it will change completely. So as you go into your week, I want to leave you with this. The proving does not have to end in midlife, it just gets to change hands. It moves from them to you, from earning your place to enjoying it, from performing for the world, to building something you actually want. You have spent so many years proving yourself to everyone else. This can be the years you finally do it for yourself. And if you would like to see where your own strengths, passions, values, and contribution are pointing to now, at this exact stage of your life, that is what my new Ikigai Clarity Assessment is there for. It's free and it just takes a few minutes, and it will show you honestly which parts of you are thriving right now and which ones are quietly waiting for you. It's the perfect place to begin answering that question of what you want to build next for you. The link is at the top of the show notes. Don't hesitate to click on it. And remember, my friend, you get to decide what comes next. So say it with me, and say it with confidence. It's my time now.