Is it gratitude, or something else?

I want to say this is the season for gratitude,
and that’s not wrong, but I’m also not 100%.
I’m grateful, and I’m also confused and fearful and nauseous. 
Or I’m pedaling fast and furious, or hiding behind my screen.
Greed, hatred, exhaustion, restlessness, doubt:
they all co-exist in this heart and mind right now,
alongside gratitude.
 
So the question I’m asking myself is,
how do I create enough space for everything?
How can I be gentle with the way things are?
What creates spaciousness and ease?
Breath helps because it creates spaciousness: 
continuing to pay attention to the breath 
and the sense of the body, breathing, 
moment by moment.
 
Love helps because it creates ease: 
continuing to be loving even with those who wear 
hats with slogans I can’t understand,
and with myself when I feel like 
I should understand and be able to connect. 
 
So, gratitude, spaciousness, and love. 
That’s what I wish for your Thanksgiving table next week,
and for all of the ordinary days as well.

Transcript

Hi everyone, it’s Judi Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 467. The title of today’s Wake Up Call, whether this coming week is about gratitude or something else, is bumping around in my heart. And, I want to keep talking about the hindrances. It feels like a good pairing.

Last Call, I named one of the ways the teachings talk about the hindrances, those qualities of mind that arise, for all of us, and that get in the way of an easeful, loving, practice, and life. I want to unpack them a little bit more, to continue with the overview and before we dive into each one, after Thanksgiving. 

The teachings say that the hindrance of greed or grasping is like having a mind full of colorful dyes, beautiful but impossible to see through. When I’m wrapped up in wanting something, or more of something, or for something to be other than it is, that “something,” or that “being wrapped up,” obfuscates the present moment. I see the neon lottery numbers, greed arises, and in that moment I can’t see what’s right in front of me: the bounty we have, the beauty outside my window, the breath.

The hindrance of hate is said to be like a mind of boiling hot water. Something has happened – a memory or thought has arisen, someone’s said or done something, the news – and I’m churned up. I can’t see straight – I love the English descriptions for these states of mind. I might know I’m in boiling hot water. I might even remember that it’s possible to get out. But I’m swirling in hot water all the same.  

The hindrance of sloth & torpor is said to be like a mind full of algae and slime. I’m feeling stagnant. I don’t want to get off the couch, or off Amazon, or off the New York Times website. Or I can’t get onto my cushion. Or into whatever piece of work I need to do. Or I’m avoiding…everything. Things are gunky, they’re slippery, they’re too slimy to grasp. The mind keeps sliding away.

Restlessness & worry are the opposite but have a similar result. They’re like a mind that’s whipped up by the wind, agitated. A body that’s in perpetual motion. My foot, tapping, or me, chewing a nail, or jumping up (even from my cushion) to do something. A sense that if I rest, things will fall apart – even though they’re already falling apart all the time (and coming back together) and I know that. And just like when the mind is grasping for beautiful somethings, or swirling in hot water, or sliding away, when it’s whipped up, things are unclear. I lose sight of the moment, where there is space, and breath, and rest.

And finally, doubt. Doubt is the murky mind. It shows up as doubt in my ability to practice. Doubt I’ll ever cultivate “enough” kindness. Doubt that the world can right itself, or that any of my efforts will matter. It’s forgetting the peace of wild things, which the poet Wendell Barry tells us not to do. I can’t see clearly or at all. I can’t make my way through what feels like the swamp of life. That’s doubt.

Those are the hindrances, I guess you could say, in their extremes but I’ve been in more extreme hindrances than I just described. But then again, they’re just states of mind. They just arise. They’re not ours. We don’t own them or even call them up. They also don’t stick around. We know that. And yet here one is, and here’s another, and here, and here, and here and here, and what do we do?

And especially - fast forward to Thanksgiving in the U.S. – what do we do when the messaging all around us is, just be grateful.

I’ve been heading into next week with gratitude on my mind, and also, knowing those hindrances are coming to the table. The world is a hot mess, we just had a difficult election, who knows what’s next, and next Thursday I’ve got to find seats, and space in my heart, for 21 people, even though some of those folks disagree with all three of those things. In what world are the hindrances not showing up? 

So, is it gratitude, or is it something else?

I’m going with “gratitude, and.” Because it’s always gratitude. When I remember how much there is to be grateful for, my body relaxes. When I remember that I’m grateful for, and to love, all 21 of those people, my mind relaxes. When I focus on getting to host such an amazing gathering, and the offerings everyone will bring, and that we have so much already, then it’s gratitude, absolutely. But, “gratitude, and.”

Gratitude and, meaning, what about the hindrances? Gratitude and spaciousness around them? Or gratitude and ease around them? Because they’re definitely coming to the table.

Gil Fronsdal, a great teacher here in the Bay, has an acronym for working with the hindrances: BELLA, B-E-L-L-A. 

First, let the hindrance BE. When someone walks into my house on Thursday with a MAGA hat, find the spaciousness to let it be. When, “I can’t believe they wore that,” arises, flip the sentence to, “anger is present,” and let it be, or “restlessness is making my fingers want to pitch that cap into the recycling,” and let it be. 

And then E, EXAMINE: hate feels like this. Restlessness feels like this. The body feels tight. The fingers feel itchy. The mind feels unclear. Make space by letting it BE, and then EXAMINE how the moment feels.

And then L, LESSEN: Lessen the hindrance by taking a breath and in the space of that breath, allow the body to relax, and let the mind follow. And also, lessen the wish for things to be other than they are. Create space for things to be just as they are. And also, offer metta to the MAGA hat: may you be well. And mean it. And if that’s hard, offer metta to ourselves, and mean it.

Second L, LET IT GO. Set the intention to let the hindrance be, examine it, lessen it, and also let it go? Let go of animosity, disdain, really any sense that we’re different or separate from MAGA-hat. Or from my contrary sibling or confused aunt or friend who’s had a little too much of whatever substance they’re using because they have so much hindrance work to do but they maybe don’t have this tool. 

And then one final step, the “A” of BELLA, APPRECIATE. Appreciate MAGA hat and also the delicious stuffing she’s made. Remember, we’re not different. We’re all about to over-eat. We all probably feel a little awkward or shy or uncomfortable. We all probably feel like we’re a little too this and not enough that. Everyone is a little confused and a little afraid. The hindrances are alive and well and coming and going for all of us. And we all just want to be happy. Appreciate all that: that we are, truly and completely, connected, making our way on this small blue planet we call home.