Appreciating Slothfulness

Sometimes I have an endless supply of energy. But there are also times when 
 my mind is sluggish, not bright. Life feels exhausting or boring or blah. Does this happen for you?
 
The good thing is, when I turn my attention to the blah feeling itself, my mind wakes up. I can see how sluggish I feel, but I can also see that it’s temporary, and even get interested in it, as yet another fascinating state of mind. 
 
When all of this happens, I also try to appreciate (with varying degrees of success)
what the situation offers: a simple, powerful reminder to pay attention in each moment, even the slothful ones. 
 
That appreciation, when it’s available, along with the attention when it’s available, seems to brighten the whole mind.

Transcript

Hi everyone, it’s Judi Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 469. Here we are in full swing with the holidays. If you occasionally feel something other than joy and enthusiasm, or maybe I should say, if you sometimes want to hide under the covers, it could at least partly be the Hindrance of sloth and torpor. 

The five Hindrances again are desire, aversion, sloth + torpor, which are a pair and which I’ll talk about today, restlessness + worry, another pair which I’ll say something about next week, and doubt. These states of mind, or states of heart, are what get in the way of clarity, and of courageously turning towards whatever we’re experiencing and bringing compassion to whatever that is, moment by moment. 

One way to think about this Hindrance is that sloth is a sensation in the body and torpor is a fuzziness in the mind. They feel like not really wanting to move, or being able to move, or to think, or to pay attention. They’re not like being tired in a good way. They’re when it feels impossible to summon the energy or interest to pay attention, or they feel like resistance to paying attention. They’re a kind of weariness: I feel defeated; I just don’t care. They’re described in the texts as a mind full of algae, moss, and slime: stagnant, not moving, not alive, not energized, and with a body to match. 

Sometimes sloth and torpor arise because of the situation. Sitting on the cushion, the breath simply doesn’t hold our attention. It feels boring, and the mind slides away, into fantasy or memory. There’s energy somewhere but not there. But then our bell rings, it’s time to get going, and we have all the energy in the world. 

At work, sloth & torpor would show up for me when I’d be reading long-form industrial leases. At my one-millionth jurisdiction and venue clause, my mind would just collapse. My body would literally slide down into the chair. I would barely be able to drag my eyes across the page. That was the situation. But then a friend would call and suddenly I’d be right there, full of energy to chat or commiserate. 

Sometimes sloth & torpor arise out of an attitude, the mind telling us a story. Maybe the story is that we can’t read one more line, can’t watch one more breath. We can’t do it (says the mind). And so the mind goes to mush. Or sometimes sloth & torpor are a cover: an emotion comes up, or something we’ve buried deep inside, and it’s too much, we can’t attend to it, so we take a nap, literally or figuratively. 

Or sloth & torpor can arise when we think we feel bored or think that whatever is happening isn’t worth our attention. “I’ve heard this before, this conversation isn’t getting me anywhere,” and the mind slides into the soup. 

And maybe this is familiar, too: sloth & torpor can arise when we’re used to a lot of stimulation, like when we’re practicing law, and then there’s a lull. The habit of high stakes, fast-paced, work, and then everything is quiet, and the mind doesn’t know what to do with that, and it melts away. 

In two of those situations, it’s good to be respectful of what’s happening. Or I should say, it’s always good to be respectful of what’s happening. But especially when deep exhaustion is present and if it’s not the “good” kind of tired when you’ve done a great workout or even worked a hard, productive day, it’s good to listen to the body. The body may need sleep. Maybe you’re sleep-deprived in the moment, or maybe long-term. Lots of lawyers tell me they have long-term sleep-deprivation, and I have some of that myself. When it shows up, it may not be a Hindrance. It might just be that I need to lay down. 

So when exhaustion is real and not a Hindrance, and also, when the mind slides away from something that surfaces during meditation (or in ordinary moments during the day) and whatever we’re facing is too much, it’s good to respect that, too. Eventually, whether through your practice or with a therapist, those things can be unpacked. The mind sliding away can be a signal to take care, to be very self-compassionate, and to respect that the mind isn’t ready to attend to whatever has come up, or can’t do that alone.

For good old sloth & torpor, though, mindfulness is the antidote. Mindfulness, that quality of mind that is attentive in the moment, noticing what’s happening with curiosity, with grace, without trying to change it and without even wishing it would change. Taking a moment to check in with the body, check in with the mind, see what’s happening, name that yeah, that’s sloth & torpor, and then BELLA, Gil Fronsdal’s process: be with it, examine it, let it lessen or loosen its hold, let it be, and appreciate it. Appreciate that sloth & torpor are present and that mindfulness is strong enough to see that. 

The process alone, in my experience, brings up some energy and points me back to the present moment and away from that sinking feeling. You can check this out: turn towards and see how sluggish the mind is but in the seeing, notice that there’s energy, by turning towards the Hindrance, not away. By waking up to what’s happening and really getting into it: “Oh, here’s how sloth & torpor feel, here’s maybe the situation that caused it to come about or I bet that’s the thought or experience or old habit that activated sloth & torpor, and I want to get to know sloth & torpor, examine them, get interested in them.” It’s actually a fun thing to do – fun and very enlivening.

But it does require one particular attitude: an attitude of love. Because the Hindrances are going to arise. They just are. Not because we do something wrong or we deserve them or fail to figure out how to keep them at bay. They’re just going to arise because that’s how the human mind rolls. And no one is exempt. There’s no “get out of the hindrances free” card. 

What we can exempt ourselves from, though, is getting swallowed up by them. Getting swallowed up by greed is like living with the sense that there isn’t enough, I don’t have enough, I, myself, am not enough. Getting swallowed up by anger looks like being reactive and blaming others because the world isn’t doing what I want, or blaming myself because if only I was smart enough to know how to exercise my magical powers to make everything perfect, it would be. Getting swallowed up by sloth & torpor is like the texts say: a mind full of algae, moss, and slime: stagnant, not moving, not alive, not energized, and with a body to match.

So it’s simple and not easy, as with most of mindfulness. When sloth & torpor are present, the invitation is to pay attention; to be with them as friends, with love; to loosen our grip and just let them be, and ultimately, to appreciate the mind that can do all of that - meaning, appreciate the power of mindfulness. 

Let’s sit.

Meditation: mindfulness of body & mind – is exhaustion present? Or is it dullness, slothfulness? Approach it with curiosity and appreciate the MFN that allows you to do that.