Ethics in Uncommonly Difficult Times

I feel like we’re trying, every day, to be kind, and ethical, and to serve well. We’re even taking the time to cultivate these qualities.

And I also feel like when we fail, it’s hard. And even harder to turn towards the situation with clarity. 

What gets in the way, for me, is justification and denial. And that’s when I slide backwards. Not because my “fail” is terrible, although it might be. But because I lose sight of the positive. Forget about all the goodness. And when that happens, it’s easier to make another mistake.

So what if we pay more attention to the positive, when it shows up? Log it into our memories, our bodies (which keep the score)? My guess is that then, in those, “oh no!” moments, the recollection of goodness will act like ballast, and it’ll be easier to turn towards the moment with courage, and clarity, and compassion. And ultimately, repair any harm (to others, and to ourselves).

Transcript

Hi everyone, it’s Judi Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 493. It’s nice to be back. 

I’ve been talking about dana as part of the Three Trainings of dana, or generosity, sila, or ethics, and concentration. I’ve already said a bunch about generosity but I’ll say one more thing, about the benefit to the one offering dana. 

We’re home from this big trip and our last stop was Madrid, because our oldest and his family have actually moved there. We were supposed to fly home on June 9 but my daughter-in-law called and said, “We just bought our one-way tickets! We land in Madrid on June 9.” So we decided to stay in Europe and go to Madrid to help. They were arriving with five suitcases and a 7 & 3 year old, to an apartment they’d rented and not one stick of furniture, not one pot, nothing. 

In ten days in Madrid we saw just three things: one plaza, half a dozen department stores, and a dozen playgrounds. And it was amazing. It was amazing to be able to offer that level of help. To help get the apartment furnished and the kitchen equipped and things put away; to watch the grands so the kids could do even more than we did; all with the temperature never dipping below 90 degrees Fahrenheit, including at night. 

The reason I’m mentioning all of this is because, sure, it was dana. And it felt – and continues to feel – kind of amazing. They were grateful we were there, for sure. But we are so grateful to have been invited to help, and to have been able to do that. It’s a very imprinted memory, of all that work and JOY – something I’m sure we’ll always remember. If I had any doubts about the benefits of dana to the giver, I sure don’t, anymore. 

So what about sila, ethics, and the same question? Does it feel better when ethical communication, and ethical action, is happening? 

Classically, the framework for ethics is Wise Communication, Wise Action, and Wise Livelihood, the middle part of the Eightfold Path. The invitation is to engage in these three – or not just “engage,” really, but to live our lives practicing Wise Communication, Wise Action, and Wise Livelihood. And again the inquiry I’m sitting with is, how does it feel to do this?

First let’s look at how these can work. The first two, Wise Communication & Action, involve moment by moment choices. We’re practicing mindfulness, it’s portable so we’re paying attention throughout the day and not just on our cushion in the morning, and so when we’re about to speak, write, post, or take action, when there’s an effect on others but also when we’re about to have an effect on ourselves, we set the intention to be truthful, useful, kind, wise, and not cause harm. And we know how to do that because we’ve worked with these qualities of mind, we’ve actually cultivated them. They’re familiar to us. Maybe they feel pretty robust by now, and reliable. We can pretty much count on kindness and wisdom showing up for us, if we take the time to remember to acknowledge that they’re really a fundamental and powerful part of the way we move through the world at this point. 

And so we take that time, in the space of a breath, and we inquire, of ourselves, “Is this wise? Is this true? Is this useful? Is this kind? Or, is this causing harm?” Or if we’ve already spoken or written or posted something, or done something, before we remember to take the breath, we look with clear seeing after the fact and ask, “Have I caused harm? And if so, have I done my absolute best to apologize and repair the situation or relationship?” 

This feels pretty wonderful, to me. Not always easy, but in the body, like dana, sila – those moments when I either get it right, or am willing to see, and then make things right if necessary, feel good. Ethical conduct, ethical words, feel good. 

If I don’t go to the body to see what’s happening, and instead I got to the mind, the intellect, then I’m a little too good at turning away. Whether because of defensiveness or shame or a sense of justice or righteousness or whatever – there are so many layers – when I forget to start with the body and how my words or actions feel there, and go straight to the mind, I’m good at turning away and I’m also good seeing and then talking myself out of being about to cause, or having already caused, harm. 

So we set an intention to point towards wisdom, which includes non-harming. And that builds on itself, that’s our practice, we’re cultivating this orientation and this habit of pointing our compass in that direction, and so it builds on itself, it becomes something more habitual, a trait more than just a state. And we can begin to rely on it. 

But the same is true of pointing somewhere other than towards kindness or wisdom, especially if we talk ourselves out of having to attend to its consequences – attend to that sense in the body, especially, of the things we’re about to say or do, or have just said or done, or said or done some time ago, not feeling right. Not feeling wise. That has the potential to build, too. Justification builds on itself until I can justify more and more. Defensiveness builds on itself until I’m so defended that nothing gets through. 

In the texts, the instructions are to prevent the arising of unwholesome states and abandon them when they do arise – not justify them or defend. And to use our clarity and courage to do this: essentially, to use our mindfulness practice.

And likewise the instructions are to encourage the arising of wholesome states and to nurture them when they do arise. We use the same faculties of mindfulness to do this. 

All because…whatever we think or ponder, or spend time dwelling on, or whatever direction we intentionally point towards, becomes the inclination of the mind. We incline the mind towards goodness and engage in clear seeing around moments when we cause harm; or we turn away and let harm reinforce itself. I’m pitching Door #1 – to you and to myself.