The Benefits of Suffering, Distress, and Other Difficult Moments

 In classical mindfulness there are six different realms, including the human realm which is considered the best one in which to wake up. One of the reasons for that, is that it’s not easy being human. We get old, we get sick, we die. We lose things and we also lose people. We get into arguments and if we’re lawyers, those can be consequential for us and for our clients so we have to win. The world hits us hard. And there’s so much to do: every day we have to earn a living plus take care of ourselves and so many others. 

So why this is such a great realm? Wouldn’t it be nicer to live in a realm where all is bliss? Not really. Because if we lived in one of those, we’d be surrounded by ease, and we might just sit around and eat bon-bons. We wouldn’t have to learn how to be kind to those who seem like they don’t deserve kindness, or compassionate to those who are afraid, or calm when the world is on fire.

Transcript

Hey everybody, it's Judy Cohen, and this is Wake Up Call 502. So, last time, I mentioned the Four Noble Truths, and today, and for the next few weeks, I wanna talk more about them. And so, first of all, here's a little more about the first of the four: the first Noble Truth, which is the truth of Dukha.

Okay, so dukkha is a Poly word and it's often translated as suffering. It's usually translated as suffering. Another translation could be stress or dissatisfaction. And literally, it means a wheel that's out of true, so imagine a wagon wheel which would have been the mode of transportation in the India of the Buddha's time, and it's not true, meaning it's not exactly round, and so it bumps its way around as it moves, right? So it's bumpity, bumpity, bumpity, bumpity, right? And you're sitting in the wagon, and that's how it feels.

The first noble truth is often explained as the truth that life is dukkha, or suffering, or stress, the wagon wheel metaphor. It's helpful. No matter how much good fortune we have, life is an inherently bumpy ride. We get hurt, we get sick, we die. We lose things, we lose people. In the law, there are deadlines, and there's pressure, and overwhelm, and trauma, and vicarious trauma, and perfectionism, and activation, and so much conflict. And, you know, we also have conflict with our loved ones, our friends, our neighbors. And then there are really difficult people in the world, some of whom have tremendous power over our lives. And there are wars and conflicts outside the U.S, and seems like more and more now in the U.S, too, there are assassinations. There's injustice. Everywhere, there's injustice.

So there are three kinds of dukkha, one way to think about it. And one way to think about this first kind that I've been talking about, which Joseph Goldstein, who wrote… who basically wrote the book, Mindfulness, an excellent book if you don't have that one. He calls it the dukkha of Painful Experiences. And, so one way to think about that is in terms of the personal, the interpersonal, and the systemic. So personally, we have hard times, right? We have pain, and we have difficult emotions. And then interpersonally, we have conflicts and we have sorrow. We disagree. We get into disputes. Our work in the law is all about disputes, which we occasionally lose. And then we lose people. And then systemically, we're living in, you know, September of 2025 CE, right? A tough era to be living in.

And, you know, if you're here live right now and feeling that, you probably have at least a modicum of safety, you know, enough to take this 20 minutes to practice together. But a lot of people don't.

Second kind of dukkha is the dukkha of impermanence, or as Joseph says, the dukkah that arises because of the changing nature of all things. Which, he says, you know, is easy to conceptualize, but hard to countenance on an experiential, on-the-ground level, right? It's hard to kind of notice it, but then once you do, it's there. So, for example, we know we were born, we know we're getting older, and we know that one day we'll die. But if we get bad news from our doctor, I mean, I don't know about you, but I'm scared, I don't want that news. One friend I had recently refused to look at their test results for a whole week because they were so scared.

Also, we know that the things that we treasure, they'll wear out, or they'll break. One day they'll end up in a midden heap, being discovered by some distant civilization. You know, think about it that way. And conceptually, we know all that, but then we lose something, or we break something, especially something that's an heirloom, or, you know, a favorite sweater that the puppy chewed up. Speaking from some personal experience, and it's… it's hard, right? But everything we own will one day be gone. It'll… it'll just be dust. And our relationships are always changing, too. You know, we make a new friend, they turn out to be not who we'd hoped. We fall in love, the patina wears off, you know, life circumstances and abilities change. We used to make dinner reservations for 8 o'clock. Now they're for 7. In another decade, they're gonna be for 6, and there will probably be a few of us at the table.

And of course, we're living in a time of political upheaval and unprecedented climate upheaval. And for some of us, it may still feel conceptual, although the reality is, maybe starting to crowd in. And then we have this idea of ourselves, ourselves, right? And then that idea falls away, or it gets knocked away. You know, we're appreciated, then we have to take the blame for something. We have enough, then we feel like we don't, or we actually don't. Life is a rollercoaster with its 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows, right? The dukkha of the changing nature of things, so that's the second kind.

Third kind of dukkha is what Joseph calls the dukkha of conditioned experience. What that means is that the dukkha of one thing is always leading to another, or is being necessitated by another. Right? So, we have to eat. And we have to feed our families, because otherwise, we won't be able to live, we have to eat, right? So we have to work in order to have money, in order to buy food, in order to eat. And if we're lawyers or we're law professors, or playing some other role in the law, are probably gonna do that work, which is hard. Or else we have to think of another kind of work, which is a hard thing to do.

So we have these bodies, we have to feed them. And we also have to clean them. And we also have to exercise them. Sometimes I literally notice the dukkha of having to brush my teeth. You know, it's not that I'm skipping it, right? It's just that at night, the thought sometimes arises again? Yeah. And we have friends and family and staff and clerks at the market. And we have to be kind to all of them, even when we aren't feeling kind. Or even when we're feeling scared. Right? And if we're not in the dominant group in society, or in the room, we have to watch our step. And more of us may have to do that soon.

So all of this is painful, stressful, dukkha, suffering. It's just… bumpity bump, bumpity bump. Which… Believe it or not, is the good news. Because we only know all of this because we're humans. We're humans, and we're paying attention. We're being mindful. And because of both of those things, we have the ability to notice suffering, the first noble truth, and eventually to wake up from our suffering. If we were animals, we couldn't do that, at least as far as we know. If we were devas, celestial beings, you know, and we lived in a heaven realm where all was bliss, we couldn't do that either, because we wouldn't be motivated, right? Who needs to wake up when somebody is feeding you grapes and somebody else is massaging your feet and there's beautiful music playing?

But since we're humans, we have the ability to pay attention, to be mindful. And when we do that, and see the three kinds of dukkha in our lives, and learn about them, learn about the first noble truth that the Buddha realized 2600 years ago, and it's been being taught ever since, this truth that life is full of good things, and also dukha, that the wheel is out of true. Right? Bumpity bump. It's… it's the first… that this isn't… As my friend Gulu Singh says, this is not… This is not… This is a feature, not a bug. This is a feature, not a bug of life, right? It's the first step in waking up. And then we can learn about the second, third, and fourth noble truth, which we'll talk about over the next few weeks, and, yeah, knowledge is power. In this case, the power to wake up. Which is a wonderful power to have.

Okay, so the Dukkha of Painful Experience, the Duka of Impermanence, and the Dukha of Conditioned Experience. This being human, pretty great. And also, super bumpy. Which is, paradoxically, one of the things that makes it so great.

Okay, so let's sit. Yeah, so, let's do a body scan today, because… It's, can be helpful if we're looking to see, like, is there dukkha in the body? Is there pain? Is there sorrow? So let's just, find a comfortable posture, and for those of you who are in a place where you can do this, it's fine to lay down. When you're doing a body scan. And it's also fine to sit, or to stand. And just take a couple of breaths to settle in. And also, just remembering our metta practice, find it in your heart to, connect with… that… loving-kindness, or that… benevolence, friendliness, maybe by recalling some being with whom you have a… very loving, and… easy relationship. And just let that… loving kindness that… friendliness suffuse the body. Flow all throughout the body. And then bringing the attention to the top of the head. And to the forehead. And the brow. And the eyes, letting the eyes drop back into the sockets. And the nose… Cheeks. Mouth. Tongue, letting the tongue rest in the mouth. Jaws. Noticing if there's looseness or tightness. And all this time, just bringing… some love to the… head and the face. And the back of the head. The ears… And the neck. And as we begin to move down, bring the awareness down through the torso, just noticing if any, objection, or aversion, or… hmm. Anything other than… kindness arises. And, if it does… just see if you can shine that light of kindness and love onto… whatever you're noticing. So, coming to the shoulders… Chest. Upper back. Allie. Mid-back. Pelvis. Botox… Upper arms. Elbows… Forearms. Hands… Thumbs. First finger. Middle finger. Rin, finger. Pinky finger. Bringing the awareness down through the torso again. Upper torso. Mid-torso. Lower torso. Upper legs. Knees. Lower legs. Feet. Big toes. First toes. Middle toes. Fourth toes. Pinky toes. And then… whole… bottom of the body, so both legs and feet. Hold torso. Both arms… Neck and head. And then just awareness of the whole body. And continuing to bring that… loving awareness to the whole body. To the sore places. To the troubling, the places that offer trouble. Or resistance. Or concern. And maybe… there's a part that I've named that you are missing. That you've lost. Sending some loving-kindness to yourself for that loss. Yeah, and let's, let's keep that loving-kindness, let's keep that metaphor for ourselves, for this beautiful body that we each have. Today.

Thanks, everybody, for being here. Take good care, stay safe out there.