Ep.20: Postpartum Confinement Check-In During CNY & LNY Festive Season - How You Doin?

Checking in on parents navigating postpartum Confinement month during Chinese New Year and Lunar New Year!

Just wanted to see how you're doing during this festive season regardless of whether you're participating or not.

And to reassure you that there's no right or wrong choices when it comes to this specific event.

No quotes and such for this episode as I'm just checking in with ya!

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Transcript

Welcome back to another episode of The Postpartum Wellness Show with me, your host, Dr. Kristal Lau. I am checking in on all of you who have been celebrating the Chinese New Year and Lunar New Year since last week. Um, I took the week off as well. So there was no episode last week. Um, I specifically wanted to see how those of you who are doing your postpartum confinement month during this festive season are doing.

And before we get into today's episode, I wanna just do a quick disclaimer. This podcast is just for educational and informational purposes. So please, if you have any medical concerns and medical questions, please see your health providers to get your answers. So the reason I wanted to check in with you is.

Although this could be a really festive season, um, as per the last episode that, uh, I put out before the Chinese New Year and Lunar New Year started, I just wanted to see how you were doing. Did you go out to celebrate with your family and friends as well, or did you have a more quiet time for resting after childbirth and to do your confinement month?

Let me know how it's been going for you. And the reason I wanted to check in is two parts. Those of you who have chosen to participate in the festivities during your confinement month, I hope that your relatives have been kind to you and understanding as well of your needs and boundaries that are set during this time.

And for those of you who have chosen to have more of a quiet Chinese New Year and Lunar New Year, how has that been going for you? Are you having some FOMO, some kind of missing out on the festivities? Absolutely understandable if you feel emotional for not being able to participate this year. And also for those of you who did participate, absolutely understandable as well. If you were emotional during this time with, um, you know, seeing your loved ones around you, or even just being in the moment, because I sure remember in my first postpartum experience, during my first confinement experience.

I was watching some kind of children's show, a cartoon, and I just cried. Sobbed, like really ugly, cried. Just because, and I can't even remember what scene it was and because, you know, hormones are up and down during this time, a lot is going on and you have quite a lot of recovery to do after the pregnancy and childbirth.

Yeah. So, yeah, just wanted to see how all of you are doing, both for moms, dads, the birthing parent and non-birthing parents, because this is a time where your roles, uh, the changes in family dynamic are evolving and all of you are learning how to be part of your growing family, and this is for first time parents as well as for those of you who are growing your family with additional babies and children.

It's always a new experience. I always say that you're always a new parent whenever you have more children, because it's kind of the first time that you're doing this with a plus one. So whether you're going from just the two of you to plus one child or three of you, four of you going to a plus one more child, it's always a change in dynamic.

So add on the festive season, it can be overwhelming at times, so let me know how you're doing. Just want to to check in with you.

And I wanted to offer emotional support as well during this time for those of you tuning in, because the Chinese New Year and Lunar New Year is a 15 day celebration. Sure, the public holidays itself differs across countries and ethnicities. Well, depending as well on your family tradition, but generally the overall celebration is an average 15 days.

So. You could still be doing visiting with family and friends. There are different days, the different meanings and some of you who observe the religious aspect, um, of this time, you could be going to the temples or doing some worshiping or rituals during this time. So. It's not completely over and done with just because the public holidays may be over and done with.

Yeah, you could still have some other practices that are happening during this time. So a nice way to check in and when I say I offer emotional support is more of validation and reassurance that, you know, if this past week you've had a tiring and difficult time. It is absolutely expected because you are trying to participate or if you have chosen not to participate.

You have a lot of feelings either way, regardless of the choice that you make during this festive season, and it is a lot to take in. It is a lot for you to process and to feel. Both mothers, fathers, birthing parents and non-birthing parents. So I just wanted to say that whatever feelings you have is valid, even if it's anger, even if it's resentment, even if it's sadness or being so happy till you're crying.

Because the feeling of joy could be overwhelming as well. And for the moms and the birthing parents, you have already all your hormones trying to figure things out right after the delivery of your baby and the placenta. And then for, you know, fathers and non-birthing parents, you are responding to participating in caregiving.

And even exposure to the whole pregnancy process. Your brain responds to the input that you feed it, and then that regulates hormones as well. So there is also a lot going on for fathers and non-birthing parents during this time. And not only that, we have for most of us, a lot of nosy relatives. More so relatives than friends who are nosy, to be honest, because they wanna know what's going on.

They give unsolicited advice. They expect a lot of us, the younger generation, to follow in their footsteps. And if you choose to set boundaries and to uphold boundaries, they could presume that you're being rude and dishonorable really, because maybe you chose not to follow certain things as well and you are putting some rules.

For example, please do not take pictures of my baby. I do not want them on social media. Or please do not kiss and hug my baby because baby's really young and sometimes our relatives take offense to that. I just wanna reassure you that if this past week you had to stand strong and you feel exhausted in doing so, it's absolutely valid.

And you're doing a great job with upholding your boundaries. On top of setting them. It's, it's a big achievement, especially when it comes to such a cultural thing. And we have a lot of elders that are involved, you know, during this time as well. So you're doing a great job. Keep it up. You have another week-ish to go.

A couple more days actually. 'Cause by the time this episode comes out, we'll be kinda heading towards the tail end of this 15 day celebration. So keep it up. You're doing a great job and this is something that builds up your resilience for setting and upholding more boundaries as you progress through the rest of your postpartum years.

On top of that, you might have friends who feel like they're not sure how to behave around you this time, especially if you are the first few to have a baby among your group of friends, uh, it it's an adjustment for them as well on top of yourself. And I wanna reassure you that it is normal if both you and your friend feel awkward.

Give yourself some time to adjust as well. And I'll dive into this in another episode where we explore a little bit more on the effects of postpartum on the different parties involved during this time.

There is a lot of folks in a lot of groups that are involved. Whether it affects them directly, indirectly, or how they can contribute as well to the health and wellbeing of the mothers, fathers, birthing parents and non-birthing parents, and to the children as well. And the pets as well.

So there's always a lot going on during this time. In the past week, when you were meeting up with friends during this festive season, if things felt a bit weird, it's not just you, you're not being crazy, you're not being unreasonable. Remember again, you are going through a lot and your friends as well are trying to perhaps find how they fit into the picture.

Now that you, especially for the first time parents, now that you have a new baby, you are stepping into a new role. And remember, your body didn't just change for this, especially for mothers and birthing parents, but your brain has also changed during the pregnancy. And research has shown that the brain changes seem to be permanent, at least for the small cohort of, of, uh, mothers that they followed over six years, that the brain changes from before pregnancy to after kind of remains.

So if you feel like a new person, a different person, or something's just up with me, I'm not quite myself before, you are absolutely right in feeling that way because your brain's changed and they have also found that these brain changes were present in fathers and non-birthing parents, especially those who engaged a lot in the caregiving and bonding and just spending time with the babies as well from, from a young age because just like every other part of our health, what we feed it, whether it's food, um, what we watch, what we hear, you know, mental health things, the environment, what we feed and provide our brain, the brain response.

So this is why that, uh, change happens as well for the fathers and non-birthing parents. But we'll go into detail, um, of this discussion of the episode. I just wanted to give you some science and also a lot more just support that, you know, if you found this festive season both.

Enjoyable and difficult. Or just difficult. It is absolutely valid. Yeah. And um, you know, you, you, you have a lot to face with a lot of folks and especially for the moms and birthing parents who are still fresh outta childbirth and you're doing your confinement month, you're healing. There's still so much happening to your body.

You still probably look pregnant, probably kind of feel a bit pregnant because maybe the bloating is still there. You're still trying to navigate getting rid of all the, the gas and, and yeah, the bloating. Uh, you might have still some swollen feet. All that might take time to go away depending on when you've given birth. Some of you who might have the so-called pregnancy nose, I had that because I had this pregnancy allergic rhinitis or the pregnancy rhinitis, um, symptom where my nose just was so congested all the time. And I look back in all my pictures now and I'm like, gosh, my nose felt like it doubled in size and I felt ugly.

Ugly as, and it took time after pregnancy for my face to feel less swollen. The skin changes that you experience during pregnancy is gonna take a while to go away. So, I understand. For those of you who are moms and birthing parents who are listening and trying to show up during this festive season in the glorious traditional clothes and wanting to feel fantastic during this time. It could be hard, it could be challenging. And if you feel ugly, I understand. And you are absolutely. You know, your feelings are valid to feel that way. Yeah, because, um. You are fresh outta childbirth. You are still doing your confinement month.

Okay, so this is not gonna be a long episode. It's not gonna be full of facts, but I just wanted to say, you know, Gong Hei Fatt Choi. Gong Xi Fa Cai. And happy New Year and whatever you have done so far, you're doing great. And however you have celebrated this festive season, you are doing your best for, you know, the rest of the few days left during this 15 day period.

Um, if you wanna take it slow, take it quiet, please do so. If you wanna have a little bit more celebration, you feel you're up for it, go for it. There is no right, there is no wrong. There is nothing correct to choose. Except what you feel like doing that you feel is also the best for yourself, for your newborn, and for your family.

Okay, so just checking in with you. Please reach out, you know, um, to your loved ones. If, especially those of you who are going through your second week postpartum, the baby blues might have set in. Please reach out to your loved ones to talk if you need to. Um, a reminder to reach out to your healthcare providers, or if those of you have confinement nannies, or you're in the confinement center or a postnatal retreat, talk to the providers there who can offer you emotional support as well.

And definitely if you have any concerns, please reach out to your medical health providers. Okay? Your health is important, your wellbeing is important during this time, and, um, I wish you all the best and I will talk to you again in the next episode.

Okay.