You can be a good person without having to sacrifice yourself

You can have a big heart without living on the edge. Dr. Donna takes us inside the psychology of overgiving—why it feels so good, why it empties your tank, and how to step back from the cliff without losing your kindness. We explore the core belief that “more giving equals better person,” the secret high of rescuing, and the moments when the universe stops cushioning our falls and starts teaching us through money stress, time scarcity, and health dips.

Across this candid conversation, we look at how perfectionism, identity, and the need to be needed feed the overgiver cycle. Dr. Donna explains why last-minute self-saves feel empowering but keep you addicted to urgency. She shares practical ways to build margin—checking your budget before you gift, scheduling rest like a bill, and practicing one clean, guilt-free no. We also unpack the surprising blocker to receiving: polite refusal. When givers push away help, they starve reciprocity and accidentally train their circles to lean on them without offering support back.

If you’ve ever wondered why you attract takers, why boundaries feel harsh, or why you keep telling yourself the universe will “figure it out,” this talk offers a reset. Learn how to accept care without apology, replace crisis-management with prevention, and redefine what being a good person really means. Expect mindset shifts, real-life examples, and clear steps to balance giving and receiving so generosity feels joyful again.

Want support on this journey? Grab Dr. Donna’s free 21-page guide to becoming a balanced giver and receiver, then hit follow, share this with a fellow overgiver, and leave a review telling us the boundary you’re setting this week.

The Break Free Collective

Break Free From Overgiving: A Trauma-Informed Guided Workbook for Empowered Receiving

Quiz

Chapters

• 0:00 Meet Dr. Donna And The Overgiver
• 1:04 When Giving Becomes Self-Harm
• 2:45 Karma As A Teacher Not Punishment
• 4:36 Hitting Bottom: Money, Time, Health
• 7:10 The Overgiver’s Fix And Living On The Edge
• 9:05 Learning To Say No And Allow Ease
• 10:22 Like Attracts Like Meets Receiving Blocks
• 12:05 Enabling Takers And Pushing Blessings Away
• 13:31 Free Guide And Closing Reflection

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hello, it's Dr. Donna and welcome to another episode of my podcast. Today I want to talk about one of the most frustrating things for an overgiver. And once an overgiver really understands their frustrations, they can do the work to make a change and it will help them to stop overgiving. Now, overgivers give because they want self-satisfaction. They also give because they're kind, loving people, but they get a rush from giving because it makes them feel like, hey, I'm being a good person, I'm contributing to society, um, I'm doing the right thing, and I know I'm overgiver in recovery. I've worked with many overgivers, and part of it is the more I give, the better I'm going to feel. So overgivers are out of the extreme of giving. It's good to give, but overgivers do it to the point of hurting themselves. So the number one reason why overgivers give that gets in the way for them that will lead to frustration is that they actually believe that this makes them a good person. And yes, giving is a good quality, but it's not the only thing that makes someone a good person when you're generous with others. But for overgivers are like, hey, I'm pouring into the universe, I'm giving, I'm kind, um, I'm doing my part, I'm changing the world. So there becomes this obsession that makes it overgiving, where the more that the overgiver does it, and the more that they're pouring into the universe, they forget to pour into themselves. And then they look and it's like, Whoa, I haven't had the time to take care of the things that I need to take care of because I've been helping others and making sure I'm there for others. And another quality that is with that is that they forget to have enough money for themselves. Overgivers will give their last dollar to someone. You know the phrase, I give the shirt off my back for you? That's an overgiver for sure. Overgivers will do that, definitely. So overgivers are extreme givers, hoping that the more they pour in the more that they will receive from the universe. So that gives to the second reason why overgivers are frustrated, because they're thinking, Whoa, if I give the universe has my back, the universe is gonna make sure I make my bills and I have time to handle things. The universe always takes care of me, and yes, the universe supports us all, but the universe is also a teacher, and it also wants us to learn, and that's what people consider karma. Remember, karma isn't all bad, it's good too. It's just what you need to learn, you will learn. So it's not about punishment, it's about teaching and learning so that we can do better in our life because of how the universe supports us and protects us. Karma comes in to show us what we need to do differently. And for an overgiver, they have to be shown over and over and over. You you get my point, and over until they figure it out. And usually how an overgiver figures things out is when they are broke and they can't pay their bills, and there's no one that they could count on to help them out. Overgivers are often the go-to person, but they don't have anyone to go to, and that's what gets the overgiver in trouble because they're thinking, I'm a good person. You know, I'm pouring into the universe. The universe is going to give to me, and for a while the universe will. That nothing's gonna go wrong. But the universe says, you know what, this pattern isn't stopping. And this person needs this pattern to stop. So I'm gonna let them run a little bit short on money so they can see that no one's there for them and they have to save. I'm gonna let them get tired so that they have to go to bed early and they realize, oh wow, that even after taking care for everybody else and helping people with their stuff, they don't have time. I'm going to even let them catch a cold or something, or get a little bit sick, or or need something, you know, from someone so they can see that they have given so much to others, so everyone thinks that they're okay and they don't need anything, and now they need something, and there's no one supporting them because everybody is used to going to the overgiver, and the overgiver has no one to go to. So the universe will bless us, but sometimes the universe will teach us. And it's never about punishment, it's an awakening. It's happened in my life more than once. And, you know, on another podcast, I'm gonna go into some of the stories that happened to me that really kicked me in the tush and woke my ass up big time, and now I'm a different person, but I get it for the overgiver. It just resonates and makes sense, and it's almost painful to say no to someone and not be there for someone, and it you know, it it feels so good. Like I was looking on Costco today, and they had these wonderful crown beef waigu burgers, and it was a good price, and I'm gonna order some for myself. And I almost thought, oh, I need to send a gift to someone, and I have a person in mine, more than likely my nephew and his wife, and I said, There I go again, it's always there. You know, it's not a birthday, you know, it's not a special occasion. I was just gonna send a gift, and I told myself, I have to stop doing that. So I I can catch myself now, but for the overgiver who is actively overgiving, it's hard to catch yourself. And you know, hoping, you know, that you will figure it out, which is part is another part that frustrates overgivers, because you're figuring out for a while because you're like, hey, I'm a good person, the universe will give to me and make sure that my needs are covered, and I am able to take care of myself after I take care of everybody else, but one day you won't be able to figure it out because the universe just stops you from figuring it out, and then it becomes stressful again because you know you're thinking, hey, I always make a way, and it's kind of empowering for an overgiver to always like come to their own rescue after they've rescued everybody else, and they're like, look at me. So it's another fix, right? It's another high. It's like, look at me, how great I am. I just always get it figured out. I'm empowered. And yes, it is a form of empowerment and manifesting to be able to figure things out, but why keep on putting yourself in a position where you have to figure it out? You know, life does that to us enough. Don't contribute to the situation, don't make it harder for yourself by putting yourself in a bind financially or time-wise or health-wise and needing to figure it out and then go, oh, I figured it out. I'm okay, I must have done the right thing. No, you're taking yourself to the edge, actually. That's what's really happening. And yes, as overgivers, we live on the edge, especially the financial edge, and the edge of just you know, needing to rescue others, and it puts us in quite a tough position. So stop taking yourself to the edge just because you can figure it out. Stop cornering yourself like that. Allow some ease. I'm gonna do a podcast on manifesting for overgivers, but allow for some ease and some joy in your life. And that does require saying no to others or being honest and looking at what's in your wallet and saying, Should I be giving the people right now? You know, get real with yourself, get honest about your finances and how much you should be helping and how much you should not be helping. Um, I want to go to the last thing, and this really messes up us overgivers. It messed me up and it hurt me to my core. This one, and I've seen other people get hurt to their core. They're hoping that by being a good person, overgiving, that like attracts like, you know, and they're gonna attract people just like them, and you guys are gonna pour into each other, and it's gonna be magical all the time, and you know, everybody's giving to each other, so no one's cheated. And you you know, there is part of that, but you know, possibility, right, to attract people like that, but not everybody in your life will be that way. You might know a couple of overgivers, but what you guys are doing to each other is when you guys offer each other something, you're like, No, I don't need it. Give it to somebody else who is less fortunate or who really needs it. I'm okay. So what's happening is that the overgiver is pushing back on other overgivers, so you're not doing the like attracts like because when somebody tries to give to you, you struggle with receiving, and you're not allowing yourself to receive, and so you're not going to attract people like you, or definitely not enough people like you, because you're not allowing for it, and when it's in your face, you're like, No, it's okay, I'm okay, I have figured out the universe has my back, you know. I've been a good person, I don't need this blessing from you. Give it to someone else. So you kind of take away from ever hoping to have people in your life who give as much as you do because both of you guys are saying no to each other. Overgivers will refuse blessings, and that's what gets overgivers in trouble. Also, and overgivers get very hurt because they look around, they're like, I'm surrounded by takers, but overgivers enable the takers. People will take as long as you give. And one day I got to do a whole conversation on what makes people a taker. I I think I got to do that coming soon. So, what I would say to you is when it comes to this whole ideal of trying to be a good person and the universe is gonna protect you, start thinking, wow, why do I put myself to the edge? And why do I hurt myself thinking that I'm going to attract good people, but when I do, I push them away, and then you look around and you just see all these takers that you've allowed to be takers in your life because people can't take from you unless you allow it to happen. And so really work through and look at all the times, number one, that you attracted someone great like you, and someone who overgive, and you said no to those blessings. Really sit down and think about that and go, Wow, I push it away. Think about how many times you figure stuff out and because you were on the edge. Do you want to keep on living on the edge? And no, you don't have to give to the point of exhaustion to be a good person. Many things make people a good person, but we all have defin different definitions of what is a good person. But don't get caught up in that. You know, you don't have to give and give to be worthy of being called a good person. And remember the universe is trying to show you that you don't have to give to the point of exhaustion in order to be taken care of. Just by saying yes to yourself more and no to others more, you come into balance. And that's how you do better. And I have a worksheet, a free guide, twenty-one pages on how to be a balance giver and receiver. And there are worksheets and notes and it's great information. I will have a link in this podcast. And I want to leave you with this how can you over give less to others and start giving to yourself more? Think about it. And thank you for listening and have a great day.