Soul Talk and Psychic Advice

The Resolution That Transforms Your Life: Remove Peace-Draining People

• Dr. Donna • Season 1 • Episode 24

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What if the most transformative resolution you make this year isn’t about doing more, but carrying less? We dig into a counterintuitive truth: your goals, creativity, and confidence surge when you remove the people who keep your nervous system on high alert. No toxic positivity. No vision board required. Just clear discernment, steady boundaries, and a quiet commitment to protect your peace.

We unpack the somatic side of relationships—how your body reads safety and danger before your mind does. From the subtle signals of tightness, fatigue, and anxiety to the habit of overexplaining and shrinking your wins, we map the patterns that show you who’s safe and who isn’t. Then we name the five profiles that reliably drain your energy: the quietly jealous friend who never celebrates you, the emotional baiter who pokes and retreats, the critic who prefers you small, the isolator who positions themselves as your only ally, and the gossiper who triangulates and destabilizes. If success feels unsafe, your circle might be the reason.

You’ll hear practical ways to implement this resolution without theatrics: fewer details, smaller doses, slower replies, and clearer boundaries that signal self-respect. We also tackle why it’s hard to let go—trauma bonds, fear of abandonment, and people-pleasing—and offer a gentler path forward. When you stop leaking energy into chaos, your body exhales, your intuition sharpens, and your focus returns to the work and relationships that actually expand your life. Ready to choose calm over approval and clarity over chaos? Follow the show, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick review to help others find it.

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Hello, it's Dr. Donna, and welcome to another episode of my podcast, Soul Talk and Psychic Advice. Today I want to talk about the best new year resolution that will help you the most when it comes to self-improvement. I would say as you're doing the inner somatic work, make sure you're doing this also. And what I mean by it, it is not a vision board. It is not a goal list. It is not a be more positive mantra. The most powerful New Year's resolution is this. Remove the people from your life who are costing you your peace. Now, we all, I believe that we all have had toxic people in our life. Probably a lot of us have it now because there are family members that we have to deal with. Maybe there's co-workers, there's friends. For some people, it's a romantic partner. And the way that society is designed for people to feel bad for being alone, people will stay in a toxic relationship. And I've heard people say, Well, it's bad, but it's better than being alone. It's amazing what people will tolerate so that they won't have to be alone or have a stigma. People see, you know, social media with people having all these friends, right? So they feel like they gotta keep friends around even if these aren't the best friends. Family members. We hear the saying, they're your family, blood is thicker than water, so people will tolerate unhealthy family members. Co-workers is hard unless you're planning to quit and move on. But let's focus on your immediate circle. You know the saying that you are like the five people that you spend the most time with. That is true because it's all energy, and we rub off on each other, but most of the time a negative person can drag us down before we can bring a negative person up. And I've learned that the hard way. And you know, as I do in a lot of podcasts, I share personal stories because you know, I've been through a lot of these things, and you know, the saying we teach what we had to learn, and I know that I've been very tolerant of things in different parts of my life. I try to tolerate family members who were definitely chaotic, you know, difficult, you know, causing a lot of strife in the family, and I had to really decide to walk away. And the last toxic family member I walked away from, I I was about probably 43 years old. And I told this person, I've been trying with you because they're my eldest sibling for years, and I've had enough. I've had enough. You're not doing the work, I've had enough. And of course, this person comes back with, We're not all perfect like you, Donna. I said, Don't even go there. Because she knew my story, she's known everything I gone through, right? And you're not gonna say that, and you're not gonna deflect like that. And I walked. And there were some family members who didn't understand at the time, then they later walked. And it's hard because it separates the family, right? And you know, we see these illusions of happy families and they're getting along and everything's beautiful, they're spending the holidays together, and there's a lot of them in the picture, but often there's conflicts being overlooked. There really is. I don't believe in perfect families. I believe that families can become healthy when you have a lot of personalities involved. There's gonna be conflicts. And some are, you know, conflicts that just don't get resolved, but you have to look at your family and say, okay, if I don't want to totally walk away, small doses, set some boundaries. It has to be done. Now, I've just got to the beginning of this podcast, and I will talk more about all of this as I go through everything that I've written down, but I want to be very clear. This episode is not about being harsh, cold, or cutting people off impulsively. You know, a lot of people I've cut off, I've thought about it over and over. I gave them not just now I'm a zero-tolerant person, but I've given people 10, 20, 30 chances, literally, before I said, okay, enough's enough. I tried all I could. I harmed myself, and a lot of you are harming yourself. You're harming your emotional health by dealing with certain people, and you've got to put yourself first. So this is more about discernment. This is something that we all have to practice, and a lot of times people aren't practicing enough discernment because they don't want to rock the boat or stir the pot. And so remember, this is also nervous system safety, emotional maturity, and energetic hygiene. You know, some people are not obstacles in your life, they are draining you though. They are drains, and they could become obstacles if you keep that energy around. And your body knows who they are, even if your mind keeps making excuses. Haven't you just hung out with people and thought, why am I hanging out with these people? I know they're friends, but it's not the same. It doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel right. Haven't you had moments like that? I know I have. And you know, I when I moved up to Sacramento, I walked away from a lot of people that I was friends with. And I got happier. You know, more peace comes. We think that we're gonna lose when we give up certain people, but actually you gain and it opens up your world to being a better manifestor, better co-creator, understanding what whatever issues you have for yourself, you realize they're not as bad when you take away that heavy weight. So let's talk about this. You have to stop making excuses for the people who are unhealthy in your world. Sometimes it takes time to know who's unhealthy, but once you know, you know you gotta act. But you gotta take time so that you feel comfortable doing it, so you're not triggered or regretting it, but you gotta act. So why is removing people a somatic decision? We often talk about relationships like they're intellectual choices, but your body experiences relationships first. Your nervous system knows who feels safe. You do, you know who feels safe. Your nervous system knows who creates tension. Your nervous system knows who subtly destabilizes you. If you feel tightness before interacting with someone, that's a problem. Fatigue after conversations, that's an issue. Anxiety when sharing good news. Haven't you ever thought, gee, maybe I won't share this because I don't know how people react. So you're starting to play small in your life when you do that, when you hold back your good news. And haven't you noticed that some people who get jealous of your good news want you to celebrate when they have good news? Think about it. I'm gonna give you some little tips here and there of things to think about. You know, if you have a need to overexplain or defend yourself, that is a problem. That is not coincidence, that is information. Your body doesn't lie, it just speaks quietly until you listen. That is very important. The body's trying to tell you. Notice who you feel better with when you're around, who you feel worse when you're around, so you get anxiety visiting certain people. Many people stay connected to harmful dynamics because they think that they're being too sensitive. That's just how they are. We gotta stop that mess. Yes, that may be how someone is, but that person needs to run to therapy. They don't get to go, well, I'm a jerk, I'm difficult, or that's just who I am. No, there's got to be accountability. When you go, I should be more understanding. That was something that I did a lot of. You can only be so understanding, and then at one point you gotta wake up and use discernment. I don't want to be traumatic. Some people get scared of that, they think that they're, you know, assuming the wrong thing and they just don't want to make that mistake. But what you're actually doing is abandoning your body's truth to maintain emotional access for people who don't treat you well. Think about it. You're giving access to people who don't treat you well. And a lot of us would cry, oh, you know, how can we all have good people in our lives, sadly sometimes because we keep the bad ones around and other people see it and they stay away. I know I've stayed away from people who had toxic friends. Um, let's talk about the specific types of people this resolution applies to. These are the people that you need to remove and why. People who are jealous of you. Number one, jealousy isn't always loud, often it's quiet sabotage. Often it's side sabotage. They know not to be loud about it. They dismiss your achievements, they make it sound like it's no big deal, or they start talking about their achievements to seem better than yours. They change the subject when you succeed. They find a problem every time you win. They suddenly become distant when things go well for you. Haven't you noticed that? When you start having good news, some people fade out and how other people are around you when bad things are happening because they act like they're there for you, but they're actually getting a thrill out of watching you suffer. I think a lot of us have known people like that. That is important. Pay attention to all of this, okay? Who becomes distant when you're doing well? Who's around you saying I hold your hand, but they're smiling while you're suffering. They don't celebrate your growth, they tolerate it. And over time that energy teaches your nervous system that success is unsafe. This is why you have to be careful because you will start giving yourself new unhealthy messages, and so you start shrinking. You that means you start playing small, right? You stop sharing, you dole your light. No goal will ever override that conditioning. Only removing the source will. That's the truth. Okay, that's number one. People who are jealous, and it can be subtle, remember that. Okay, number two, people who bait you emotionally. I did a whole podcast on baiting. Look it up. There are people who say things like just to see how you react, right? They push sensitive topics, they make subtle digs and then call you too emotional. They create tension and then play innocent. Haven't you noticed that? Like some people they make a back-handed compliment or you you know, a joke, and you're like, hmm, it confuses you. Like, what are they doing? This is nervous system manipulation. Your body stays in a low grade flight or fight around them, constantly bracing for what are they gonna say next. I know I've been around people like that, and I finally, when you finally confront them, they act like a victim. They act like I didn't mean that. But they're shocked because there are some people who talk to you that way because they think that you would never confront them on it. You just keep on taking it. And maybe you're taking it for a while, but then when you get tired of it, you're gonna say something, and then they're shocked. So healing cannot happen where your system is always on guard. This affects other aspects of your life. You've got to know this. This will interfere with your goals, your ability to manifest. You you know, it will affect you in so many ways. It can cause people to get depressed, it could cause depression. Okay, so number three, people who do not want to see you win. Some people love you as long as you don't outgrow the role that they assign to you. And there are people who think that you they are better than you, or they have more than you, or they're more accomplished than you, and that's why they hang around you. And the minute that you start winning and you accomplish things, watch how they act. Really pay attention. This goes back to jealousy. And sadly, a lot of people have people in their lives that do not want to see them win. They're comfortable when you're struggling, they love it when you're struggling, they hang around, they love when you're doubting yourself, they love when you're playing small. Are you staying predictable? Well, when you expand, they withdraw. A lot of times they do that, they criticize, they put you down, or they minimize your your wins. And I love how Gary Vee, he he's got a big platform, right? And he always says, stop hanging around people who don't want you to win, because it is a huge problem. You gotta be around successful people who want to see you be successful. You want to be around happy people who want to see you happy. That is essential. If you're around people who aren't happy, they're gonna pull you down. How can they be happy for you if they're not happy for themselves? Pay attention. Not everyone deserves a front row seat to your evolution because they don't want it anyway. Number four, people who isolate you. This is one of the most damaging dynamics and one of the most overlooked. Isolation doesn't always look like control. Sometimes it looks like making you doubt your other relationships, right? They tell you something that someone said about you, make you doubt your romantic partner, say they're not good enough for you. I've had that done to me, and I was shocked. I thought I knew the person better. Um, I create subtle rifts, right? They kind of divide and conquer, especially if you're in a friends group. Pay attention if they're talking about you to other people. Guess what? They're talking about other people about you. It you you know, pay attention. It is necessary. My guides have been speaking big to me. They're like, this is what 2026 is about, amongst all the things going on in the world. Clean up your circle, clean it up. Isolation isn't always about control, so they position themselves as the only one who really understands you. Okay, they're like, I'm your good friend, I'm your only friend. They're pretending to be your friend, they're a fake friend, right? They're doing that so that you don't trust anybody else, especially no one in your life. Not even they even try to isolate you from your spouse or your romantic partner. Um, encouraging disconnection under the guise of loyalty. Watch out. Isolation weakens perspective, right? When you're alone, you start doubting yourself, saying, What's wrong with me? Why doesn't anybody like me? Why can't I trust anybody? How come there's nobody in my life? You start doubting yourself, but it increases dependence on the person who's telling you all this stuff. It's like you're my only friend, I'm so thankful for you. And the whole time they're causing this problem. The one that you think is your only friend, and it keeps you small, it keeps your world small. And you know, you can't have big birthday parties if you like those. You can't have a lot of things anymore. So remember, healthy relationships expand your world. People who are happy and healthy that you are friends with want to see you grow. They want to see you be happy, they want to see you get your wins, they encourage you, they don't discourage you, they don't criticize you. They don't shrink it. Okay, number five, people who gossip are try are triangulate. I used to get caught up in gossip in my younger years. Lord, thank God I recovered. Um, anyone who tells you what other people said about you, that's also baiting. Um that's gossip, and they bring drama under the disguise of concern. That's VS. They're not concerned, they love the gossip, they love to triangulate, they share private information to you about someone else. They position themselves as a messenger, they know what they're doing, it's not safe. They're not informing you, they are destabilizing you. They are it's also adds to isolation, right? When they do that stuff, when they tell you what someone said, they're they're kind of making it so that you won't hang around that person or people and not trust them. So if someone gossips to you, they will gossip about you. And gossip keeps your nervous system activated, scanning for threats that may not even be real. Think about it. Peace requires clean communication. Just really pay attention. You know, I remember it was happening so much to me that people were telling you what other people said. I posted on my friend's Facebook page. I said, This is a warning. If any of you tell me what someone else said, I am gonna end my friendship with you on the spot. You're gonna mess around and find out. Stop this. And I was I ended some friendships and I wanted to forewarn other people. You gotta be that firm. You don't want to be a part of the BS. You know, be on you if you're intentional and if you're on purpose, you don't have time for bullshit. Bottom line, why is this so hard? It's so necessary for people. Many people know who they need to distance themselves from, but they don't do it because of trauma bonding. We've all trauma bonded at one time or another. Fear of abandonment, overgiving patterns. Yeah, if you're overgiving, people pleasing conditioning. If you're overgiver, people pleaser, more than like you have some toxic people in your life. You just do. Um, guilt, we feel guilty. I used to feel guilty. I'm like, I don't want to be mean to anybody. I know what it's like to be hurt or harmed. And then I woke up. Life. We'll do that to you. It will wake you up. Situations happen, it woke me up. And especially if you've learned early in life that love has to be earned, tolerated, or survived. And a lot of people have been through that. A lot of people. Your system learned that connection matters more than comfort. A lot of people are putting up with crappy people because they want relationships, they want connection. They're like, well, you gotta take the good with the bad. Yeah, everybody has flaws, but dangerous flaws are not okay. It's not. So being chosen matters more than being safe. Yeah, you know, we talk about pick me's, but we all have a little bit of that pick-me energy. If it's not with a relationship, it's with a friendship, it's with a job, it's with, you know, something. All of us have a little bit of the pick me in us. And that's what you have to work on to minimize it. It's very important. But adulthood is where you rewrite this mess, right? You don't owe access to anyone who consistently dysregulates you. Have you been around people that just throw you off balance? They're dysregulating your nervous system. And that's a bad thing. Boundaries are not punishment, they are self-respect made visible. That's what boundaries are. A lot of people struggle with boundaries. I teach boundaries. I had to learn them. But once you get the boundaries figured out, boy, does life get better? I'm gonna tell you that much. I know it to be true. I've seen it with friends, clients, people who haven't who've got boundaries live better lives. What happens when you let go of toxic people? When you remove the wrong people, something surprising happens. And this is true. Your body exhales, your clarity returns, your intuition sharpens, it really does. It opens up the third eye. A lot of people want good intuition. That's how you get it. By wiping out problems, removing yourself from toxic situations, your creativity expands, it really does. I can attest to that personally. Your grief softens, it does. Then you can focus on what you what's important to be grieving about instead of all this toxicity, right? Your confidence stabilizes big time. You feel empowered. Like, look at me. You know, a lot of people say they love themselves, they know their worth, they have self-respect and all this stuff, but are we truly living that? And part of that truth would be getting rid of people who shouldn't be in your life. So life doesn't become perfect, but because you're no longer leaking energy, here's the truth most people don't talk about. Sometimes the grief you're carrying isn't from loss, it's from staying too long, staying too long in bad situations. And I know that is a cause of depression for quite a few people. You know, there's many causes of depression, right? But that makes people depressed. If you're already depressed and you're around the wrong people, it can really be devastating for you. It can sometimes be deadly for some people. So you gotta take this seriously. Do an inventory of your life. How to make this your new year resolution? This resolution doesn't require confrontation at all. It really doesn't. I probably only confronted one or two people. I didn't waste time with the rest. It doesn't even require announcements, it doesn't require justification either. It requires alignment. As you come into alignment, this becomes easier. You can start by asking, who do I feel worse? You know, who makes you feel worse after you talk to them? Who requires me to dim myself? Who creates confusion instead of clarity? Who does my body get tense around? Pay attention. Pay attention. Then respond with less access. Do it in small doses, right? And let it fade out. The energy you keep on separating. There's a few times where my guides are like, no, you cut it all off today. End of story. Sometimes my guides get on my butt. And you have fewer guys that will get on your butt. And the more you tune into them, you see they're like, oh, they're all me. Um and some people I had to immediately just cut it, you know, and then some people I did it subtle. That's important. So then respond with less access, fewer details, slower replies, clearer boundaries, and emotional detachment. That's all you gotta do. Not cruelty, not punishment, not anything bad, right? You don't have to tell them to screw off or tell them off. Just fade out. Just self-honoring distance. And you can say I'm busy, I'm doing other things, I gotta focus on other stuff and let the energy decline. I remember when I moved, I just, you know, I only moved like an hour and 15 away. And in some ways, people joke that Sacramento is an extension of the Bay Area. It's not. But you know, we make jokes like that because so many people from the Bay Area have moved to Sacramento. Um, but I just let a lot of things just dissipate. But as I was leaving Fremont where I used to live, the the universe, my sphere guys, they were cutting relationships. Some of them were just like severed. And I thought, wow, I'm definitely going into a spiritual timing, you know, a growth timing where I need less. And less became more of Donna. And that's what you're doing. You know, sometimes I'd look back and I'm like, how did I have time for all these social things and people, and I realized I wasn't having time for myself. And I would ask, you know, clients or you, you know, I'm like, don't you feel better? Like you have time for the things that matter when you step away from certain people, and they're like, Yeah, I didn't realize that. You know, and it's true, you get more creative, you get more stuff done. You, you know, you just become the powerful co-creator that you want to be in your life, and then you can reset and get better people around, you know, and you they become like a mastermind group, although they're also friends, and you guys are encouraging each other and elevating each other and raising the vibration. You want this is why you want to stay away from low vibration people because they're not loving themselves right now, so they have nothing to give. If I always say if people can't give to themselves, they're not emotionally available for any type of friendship, relationship, anything. They need to focus on healing them. That's important. So I'm gonna close this out because you know I like to talk. This year doesn't need a better version of you. I hate that new year, new me stuff. Every time we see it, I kind of giggle. Because there's nothing wrong with anybody, really. We just learn to do better, right? You don't need to be different, but you need a protected version of you. One that is no longer explaining yourself, defending yourself, shrinking or absorbing other people's dysfunction. No more of that. You're allowed to outgrow dynamics. If you're not growing, what are you doing, right? You're allowed to choose peace. That's what protecting your peace is. That's what it is. You are allowed to protect your nervous system. You are allowed to remove people quietly, respectfully, and firmly. The best New Year's resolution isn't becoming more, is carrying less of what was never yours to hold. And if this r resonated with you, let it land in your body, not just in your mind. And remember, you don't need permission to protect your peace. If you commit to this, everything else that you're trying to accomplish will be easier because you're not spending time thinking about what did that person mean by that? Is this a good trench? I have this person in my life, this family member, you just stop thinking about things that don't matter, and you can focus on things that do. You liberate yourself. So I want to thank you for listening and have a great day.