Yes you can overcome tough moments

What if your pain isn’t proof you’re failing, but a wake-up call to stop abandoning yourself? Dr. Donna invites us to meet the part that’s exhausted, resilient, and ready for change—and shows how endurance can become wisdom when we act on what hurt is trying to teach. We explore why bad cycles keep repeating, not because we’re weak, but because we became experts at surviving them. From toxic jobs and draining relationships to grief that remakes the day, we name the patterns and the quiet choices that interrupt them.

Across this conversation, we redefine what it means to fight back. It’s not aggression; it’s a clear no when your stomach tightens, it’s rest instead of relentless pushing, it’s leaving spaces that cost your health. We talk through concrete steps—therapy that gives language to pain, support groups that end isolation, resources that create exits—and we look at how clarity, not rage, sustains the long arc of change. Dr. Donna shares personal moments of loss and insight, revealing how grief can transform without losing love, and how choosing truth over comfort and self-respect over approval becomes the ground for a different life.

You’ll also learn a simple somatic pause: a hand on your chest and belly, a slow breath, and one essential question—what are you done tolerating? That felt answer becomes your compass for the next brave step. If you’re tired of repeating the same lessons, longing for safety, peace, and alignment, this is your invitation to end survival mode and choose a path that honors your worth. If you found this helpful, follow the show, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so others can find their way back to themselves.

Transcript

Speaking To The Tired Part

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, it's Dr. Donna and welcome to another episode of my podcast, Soul Talk and Psychic Advice. Today I want to begin by speaking directly to the part of you that is tired. You know, a lot of us have that part where we're just mentally and physically tired. I want to speak to the part of you that has survived more than you ever thought you would. Some of you have been through some very heavy things. I I believe everybody goes through something, and sometimes we go through things that we think may break us, but guess what? If you're alive, you survived it. So you have a hundred percent success rate so far. The part of you that keeps going, even when you don't know why anymore, I want to speak to that part of you. So if you suffered a lot in the past, if life has knocked you down repeatedly, if you feel like you've been stuck in the same painful cycle for years, this episode is for you. Because there comes a moment in every person's life where suffering stops being just pain and it starts becoming a message. And I know that sounds crazy, but work with me here, just bear with me, and it becomes a signal, and that signal is that you are not broken, you're not weak, but that something in you is ready to rise because you're tired of being knocked down, you're tired of feeling defeated, and that things aren't working out for you. And the reason why I'm doing this podcast is because I hear it from a lot of people, they just feel like nothing's going right, and they've had years and years of suffering and bad things happening, and they don't know how to overcome it. And you know, truth be told, yes, we have bad things that happen. It could have been a bad divorce, a sickness, you know, um, a death, uh, job loss, and not finding another job, um, just betrayal. So many things, right, can happen in a person's life, but we don't realize how many things are happening outside of the bad things that we're focused on that shows our strength and shows that we're able to endure and that good things are happening while the bad things are happening, and that's something that I really had to learn for myself when I lost my son because it was a dark time, a very dark time. You you know, we don't realize that even when we don't feel supported, we're being supported. Because if you're going through a health crisis, you have health insurance, right? You have a job, you you know, if you're going through bad divorce, you may still have a job, or you have people who are holding you up, and you know, when my son died, I had some support, but I also had to look at hey, I was still able to work, and my clients liked me more, and you know, so we always have something working for us, but when we go through something bad, our mind only sees that, and that kind of makes us feel defeated, like every day's a bad day when it really isn't, but it can feel that way for sure. So let's talk about how suffering is not proof that you are failing. A lot of people equate suffering to life is bad, I'm failing, nothing's gonna get better, and it's not true. One of the most harmful lies we absorb is this. If I'm suffering, I must be doing something wrong. I hear this from people, and I'm like, no, sometimes stuff just happens, right? You know the phrase shit happens. Um, sometimes things just go wrong. And I know, like, it's weird. I I've heard people who get cancer. I and I had a few friends have cancer, and unfortunately, I've lost a few of them to cancer. They have people say to them, What did you do to cause the cancer? It's like because they think that the person caused it, and if they know what they did that caused it, they won't do that so that they won't get cancer. We say crazy stuff. Even people are like, Well, why'd your son die? What did you do to make your son die? Yeah, like I killed him, right? So sometimes, you know, we actually believe that we can prov prevent certain things from happening. Sometimes we can, but not all the time. So, no, you didn't do anything wrong. That is not true. And you can feel punished and you could feel, you know, unloved, or some people think God doesn't like them, doesn't hate like God hates them, but that isn't true. And sometimes suffering shows up not because you're failing, but because you've outgrown what you've been tolerating. That happens often, like maybe stayed in the marriage too long, or stayed at a job too long, you know, something like that, right? Um the stress, the stress can make us sick. Yes, you know, it it can. But you know, it's saying that it's time to know that you can get out of this cycle. Bad cycles don't continue because you're weak. You know, they often continue because we've learned to survive them. We've adapted to the bad cycles. We've endured, we've learned how to keep functioning in situations that were slowly training us. Like some people, when you ask them why they stay all those years in that abusive relationship, they've adapted. They learned how to survive it, and that's why they stayed, you know, and they're like, This is just what it is, what can I do? You know, so there's reasons for stuff. So it's important to understand that survival is not the same as living, and eventually the body says enough, your spirit guides say enough, the universe says enough, and we'll start creating a situation to get you out of the mess. You know, especially if you're in a bad marriage and you come from a belief system that divorce is wrong and you stay no matter what, or you think if you you could pray the abuse away or something, you you know, the universe is gonna get you out of that situation one way or another. And so eventually the body says enough. The exhaustion, the anger, the grief, the restlessness, the sense that something has to change, or you won't survive this in the same way anymore. That isn't punishment, that is your nervous system asking you to fight for your life, not against others, but for yourself. And sometimes we forget that we have to fight for ourselves and for our own life. And you know, let's talk about fighting back. Fighting back doesn't mean being aggressive by any means. A lot of times it gets interpreted that way. You know, that fighting is always negative and aggressive, but sometimes it's just taking a stance, saying no more. And when people hear the phrase fight back, they often imagine conflict, aggression, or force. But that isn't what I mean at all. Fighting back is not about attacking, it's about refusing to abandon yourself any longer. That's how you fight back. You say, I am not gonna put myself on the sidelines, I'm not gonna abandon myself any longer. I'm gonna be first, I'm gonna say, enough of this bad situation. And you know, it's like sometimes we're in tough situations, like with my son, I had to get a lot of therapy, I had to find resources, right, to survive that. I had to push and push and push, and it took a long time. And so there's many ways that it shows up. So in the moment that you stop saying, This is not how my life is, this is just what I've had to endure, and you stop saying this is just who I am, fighting back happens. You know, so the moment that you stop saying this is how my life is, the moment that you say this is just what I have to endure, the moment that you say this is just who I am, and you stop saying those things, fighting back can happen. So fighting back is quiet sometimes. It looks like saying no when your body tightens. You know, it's having boundaries, saying no, not being overgiver. Fighting back is also resting instead of pushing. Sometimes we just think, oh, just push through, push through, and we're told that in society. No, go rest. Okay, fighting back is leaving situations that cost you your health. Fighting back is stopping the cycle of overgiving. Fighting back is choosing yourself even when it feels unfamiliar when you put everybody first and you put the relationship first and just your family and everybody else. It's like this is you fighting back. You know, I've been sick before and I've spoken to people who have been sick. They said, you know what? I did learn to put my needs first. You know how they say if we don't put our needs first, we get a health problem and that'll make it. You know, and it's not blaming, it's just saying you deserve to be number one. That's it. And sometimes that's the only way we can get our own attention is by illness. That's the only thing that makes us sit still and forced to think and reevaluate our life. And it's sad, trust me, it's sad when you, you know, when you lose someone to it. It's heartbreaking. But I had a friend who was just a special person who had cancer, and they said, you know, and they lived fifteen years past their diagnosis. They went in remission for a while, and they said what they learned is what was important to them. They learned y you know, like to put their needs first and that was safe. And I remember they would always post on their page, thank you, cancer. And I'm like, How the hell do you say thank you, cancer? How do you say that? And I've and I've had clients say that, I've had people say that. And I'm like, whoa, that's deep, because when I lost that person, I want to say, Screw you, cancer, but I had to remember how they lived. And I was just looking at their Facebook page the other day and all the wonderful things that people said about them. And I said, This person had cancer the whole time, and they were just this extraordinary light in the world. And so if you're going through something tough, you can overcome it, but be the light for yourself, and this is what it's about. And so, how do we end a bad cycle? Often they end when we interrupt them. See, we think they just keep going and going because we're stuck in the pain, right? But you break the cycle by getting healing, going to therapy, saying enough's enough, setting a boundary, putting yourself first. And that strength doesn't come from rage alone, it comes from clarity. You know, you know, if the divorce is bad, it's standing up for yourself in that divorce. Standing up and demanding that you get the right job, and it's standing up and saying, I've been sick, but I am determined to find a way to navigate through this. You know, it's hard, trust me. And when someone dies, what do you do? You know, but it's saying I've suffered enough. And I remember and and I wrote about this in my book, how my close friend from chiropractic school, we ran into each other, and she said, Yeah, I read on your Facebook page, because we didn't speak in years, right? How Brandon died, and you know, she's very intuitive, and she said to me, Haven't you suffered enough? You're just like, whoa, yeah, you know, that's a deep thing to say to someone, but she's the person who can say anything to me. And I took that in. And even though I was healing and doing the work, I took that in. So what I would say to each and every one of you, haven't you suffered enough? And sometimes we want God to break the cycle, we want the universe to break the cycle, we want it to just end on its own, but it's really when we take a stand and say, I've had enough of this, I gotta find a way through this, and you start seeking help and resources so that you can fight through this. So bad cycles end when we have the strength to interrupt them, and that is very important to understand. Your life is pushing you for a reason because if you're on this planet, you have an important purpose. It's different for all of us, right? So here's something I want you to hear clearly. Some of the things happening in your life right now are not meant to destroy you, they're meant to wake you up. And it's hard because you're like, that could seem cruel. I it felt cruel to hear those things. And you know, if you lose someone, we can't control when someone dies. I couldn't control my son's death. You know, I did all I can do, right? Got him to the right doctors, the best doctor of Stanford, best surgeon, number two in the country. I did all I can do. But y you know, and that was very hard, but what I had to wake up to is that I was still here. And you're still here. You you haven't died yet, it hasn't killed you. You are enduring. So not everything that hurts is meant to be permanent. Some pain shows up to demand change. When the same lessons repeat, when you keep on dating the same type of person and they're all the same in bed, okay, when the same patterns keep resurfacing, when your body keeps reacting, it's not because life wants you to suffer endlessly, no, it's because there's something in you that knows you are meant for more safety, more peace, more alignment than you've ever been living. Okay? Growth often begins when the old way becomes unbearable. And that doesn't mean you failed, it means you're ready.

unknown 15:18

Okay?

Interrupting Patterns And Seeking Help

You’re Not Alone In This

Truth Over Comfort, Growth Over Numbing

SPEAKER_00 15:19

So you're not the only one struggling, but it can feel that way. It can feel so lonely when you're struggling. You can feel like everybody else is happy and doing fine, but we don't know what other people are going through. We don't. And one of the cruelest parts of suffering is feeling isolated and lonely and no one supporting us, right? Pain convinces us that everyone else is fine, that we're the only one barely holding it together. But suffering is not a personal flaw, it's a human experience. Many people are quietly fighting battles you can't see. I mean, my friend was walking around with cancer and she was glowing. She's beautiful, she was beautiful. Many people are learning slowly how to stand back up after loss, trauma, heartbreak, or burnout. You're not behind. You're not defective, you're not alone in this, and comparison will keep you stuck. If you think everybody else is great and God's blessing everybody else, and the universe is blessing everybody else but you, it's not so. But it I understand why it feels that way. Your healing is not about proving anything to anyone else, it's about creating a life that no longer requires constant self-betrayal. It means putting yourself first. What fighting for your life really means. Let's talk about it. Let's define this clearly. Fighting for your life means choosing healing over familiarity. You know, it's really healing from the broken relationships, from the childhood trauma, from the grief, from it all. It's healing. It's choosing truth over comfort, truth over comfort. Because sometimes the truth is painful, right? It was like a painful truth to hear the phrase, haven't you suffered enough? Choosing growth over numbing. Of course you want to numb out when it hurts so bad. Who wants to feel pain? Choosing self-respect over approval. You know, we're kind of groomed that you want to be liked and have friends, and you you know, life is easier when you're liked, but not if we're losing our self-respect and abandoning ourselves. And so fighting back and fighting for your life off of me off so means you stop waiting for someone else to rescue you because you are quite capable of rescuing yourself. Yes, you are, and you stop believing that suffering is noble, that you are a martyr. Who wants to be a martyr? Ew. Um, you can honor what you've been through without staying there. We all have a story, and sometimes we're scared to let go of the story because we think that's like letting go of what happening, what happened to us or condoning what happened to us, and that isn't what it is. And you don't really let go of your story, but you release the grip that it has on you. That's what you do. And so you honor yourself and your story without staying there. You're allowed to want better. Yes, you are. You're allowed to want peace, you deserve it. You're allowed to want joy without guilt. Amen. Taking a stand for what you want does not make you selfish, it makes you alive. But I'm sure at one point or another you've probably been told that you're a selfish. I think we all have been told it somewhere. You know, I didn't get that at home from my mom, but I got it from caretakers after she died. I got it out in the world. You know, I'm selfish if I put myself first. I had to do a lot of self-work to get past that. So let's do a gentle somatic pause. This is so important to do this gentle somatic pause. Okay, before we close, I want to invite you into a brief pause. If you can, put one hand over your chest and one over your belly. And just kind of sit with it. You know? Just kind of one hand over your chest, one over your belly. Take a slow breath in through your nose. Just a nice slow breath. And a long exhale through your mouth. Ask your body quietly, What am I done tolerating? Are you done tolerating abusive people, that abusive partner, that abusive family member, that narcissistic parent? Are you done tolerating suffering of any kind? Settling in your life, putting yourself last. What are you done with tolerating? Don't force an answer. Just notice what arises. That tells you what to focus on first. Don't make it logical. Just what comes up first. You know, your body knows what you need to change. It knows. Your job is not to rush it, only to listen. So that is our somatic pause. Just ask your body, what do I need? Who do I need to say no to? Who do I need to set a boundary to? You know, am I gonna start fighting for myself? Am I gonna fight back and put my needs first? Am I gonna come out of this painful cycle by seeking resources, therapy, counseling, support groups? You know, if if you have to go into a shelter, you go into a shelter. You do what it takes. Because if you know you need change, that means what you've been doing is no longer working. And if you've gone through a loss, you ask yourself that person that you love so much that you lost, do you think for a minute that they want you to suffer? Think about it. And yes, the pain will still be there. My d my son died eighteen years ago. I can't believe it's been eighteen years. The grief is still there, but it It's is changed, is transformed. Where I grieve for him, but I live at the same time. And that took some work. I was devastated. I was angry. I was mad at the world. But I worked on it. And sometimes we have to work on some hard things and some unfair things to get our lives back. And if you've grown up and you've never been able to see your power, and someone's always trying to take your power away, it's new, right? It's foreign. Yes, you can. You know, I did this particular podcast because I see the fatigue in people when they're going through something tough. And you just want to give up, you want to quit, and you think everything you're doing is not working. And sometimes we have to try a thousand times, not just one time or ten times or even a hundred times. You know, we have to try hundreds of times, you know, to until we figure it out. And that's okay, none of it's failure, because as long as you get up and you keep trying, you are succeeding. And that's what it's about, is making that decision that it didn't work before, but what I'm doing now is gonna work for me. So I want to close this out. If you're in a season where life feels heavy, repetitive, or painful, I want you to remember this. You're not here to suffer endlessly. No, you're not. You're here to evolve. Bad cycles end when we decide we are worthy of more than survival. And if you're still breathing, still listening, still here, there is strength in you. There is.