The ‘Too Much’ Wound: How Sensitivity Gets Misread and How to Reclaim It

Being told you’re “too sensitive” can quietly teach you to shrink, second-guess yourself, and call self-abandonment “being humble.” We’re flipping that script. I’m Dr. Donna, and I’m digging into why so many empaths, intuitives, and emotionally aware people get mislabeled as weak when the truth is simpler: sensitivity is information, and it becomes painful only when it’s unsupported. 

We trace where the “too much” wound begins, including the subtle ways kids learn that crying, reacting, or naming the truth threatens connection. Then we make an essential distinction for intuitive development and emotional health: sensitivity vs nervous system dysregulation. Sensitivity is the ability to perceive nuance and patterns. Dysregulation is what happens when your body doesn’t have the tools, safety, or support to process all that input. When we build regulation, sensitivity transforms into discernment, empathy, ethical awareness, relational intelligence, and clearer intuitive perception. 

We also talk about survival scanning, hypervigilance, and how fear and urgency can masquerade as intuition. To help you integrate this in a practical way, I guide a brief somatic reflection that supports your body in feeling safe enough to stop collapsing around old messages. Finally, we go straight at the “woo-woo humility” trap that keeps healers playing small, undercharging, avoiding visibility, and burning out, and we name what real self-leadership looks like when you care deeply and keep strong boundaries. 

If this lands for you, subscribe, share this with a friend who’s been told they’re “too much,” and leave a review so more sensitive people can find the support they deserve.

Embodied Psychic Portal

Transcript

Welcome And The “Too Sensitive” Label

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Hello, it's Dr. Donna and welcome to another episode of my podcast, Soul Talk and Psychic Advice. Today we are going to talk about something that many intuitive, sensitive, empathic and emotionally aware people may have heard their entire lives from someone you've heard this from that you are too sensitive. Who's been told that? You are too emotional. You think too much, you care too much, you feel too deeply. At some point, many of us internalize the belief that there is something wrong with the depth of our emotional experience. Yeah. And that our sensitivity is a liability, that our intensity is inconvenient, that our awareness is overwhelming, and because of that, many intuitive people spend years, sometimes decades, trying to make themselves smaller, less expressive, less impacted, less perceptive, right? Less open and less aware. Very much so. That happens often to us and to do this work. I know I certainly played small for many reasons. You know, you don't want to outshine people, and it's also a trauma response to not want to, you know, shine and you humble yourself, right, by playing small. And and playing small is not humility, it's a trauma response. But what if they got the very thing you were told was too much is actually the foundation of your strength? So what if this very thing was that being too much is actually who you're supposed to be? Today we're going to explore why sensitivity is often mislabeled as weakness, the difference between sensitivity and dysregulation, how emotional death supports intuitive accuracy, how to stop abandoning yourself to make others feel comfortable. Been there, done that, how to reclaim sensitivity as a regulated strength. This episode is especially for people who feel deeply and sometimes feel alone in that depth, right? It could be lonely doing this type of work because a lot of people in your world may not understand it, you know, and you you might just feel like who am I to talk to? Where's my support group? So let's discuss it. Where the too much wound begins. Most people are not born believing that they are too much. No. That message usually develops through repeated experiences of emotional misattunment. Examples might include being told that you're overreacting, you know, to any situation, right? You're overreacting. You know, being told to stop crying because, you know, sometimes we just cry at the drop of the hat. I did when I was younger. Being told to toughen up. Yes. And you know, my siblings told me these things. My mother never said these things to me, think good. But I heard it from other people when she died. I heard it from the caretakers that took care of me after she died. Being told to stop taking things personally. But you know, we feel everything so deeply, so everything feels personal. Being told that you were dramatic, yep. Being told that you were m making things bigger than what they need to be. Yeah. Being told to just let it go. I hate that phrase. Let it go. Over time, these experiences teaches the nervous system that emotional expression is unsafe. A child learns, if I feel deeply, I lose connection. If I express honestly, I am rejected. If I am authentic, I am misunderstood. So the psyche adapts. And this is where the people-pleasing, overgiving starts getting formed for the child also, because you don't want to walk on eggshells and you want to say and do the right thing to prevent any judgments or conflicts. So a lot happens at this moment. Some people suppress their sensitivity for this reason. Some people intellectualize their emotions. You know, this is how you adapt. Some people become hyper-independent. Yeah, spin there. Some people become people pleasers, just what I just said. Some people overfunction for others in order to maintain belonging. I like that my notes that I write, I usually write notes before I do all this, or it's all there and and I feel it so deeply in working with people, and so I even know what's coming, you know, but the underlying sensitivity does not disappear. It simply becomes hidden. And often the more we suppress sensitivity, the more overwhelmed we feel internally. Because sensitivity is not the problem. Unprocessed emotional material is the problem. Lack of regulation support is the problem, right? Lack of relational safety is the problem. Sensitivity itself is neutral. And it becomes painful when it is unsupported. I wish I had kids who had these gifts. I I think there's books now, little kid books about it that will help, you know, parents understand their children, but really there needs to be like additional training or schooling on how to deal with this starting at a young age. Because I suppressed mine for many years just to cope. Life was too hard feeling everything and knowing the truth about stuff. And you know, I'm 55, so I came from an era, especially after my mom passed, where people like, stay out of grown folks' business. And I want to say, well, some of your business is bullshit, it's a mess, right? I didn't call it trauma at the time, I knew it was messy. But y you know, it's really sad because a lot of children are left with feelings that no one's understanding, so they bury them. And that's probably why some kids with trauma get depressed, have behavior problems, because they're unseen and unheard. And they can grow up into their teen years. So it's very important to pay attention to who your child is. You might be bringing a spiritual child into the world, one who has a gift. So let's talk about sensitivity and dysregulation. One of the most important distinctions in intuitive development is a difference between sensitivity and dysregulation. Sensitivity is a capacity to perceive nuance. Yeah, just those little subtle things, right? Understanding the details. Disregulation is a nervous system difficulty processing stimulation, right? Sensitive people often feel more because they perceive more. They notice tone shifts, microexpressions, energetic inconsistencies, subtle emotional cues, changes in relational dynamics, layers of meaning beneath words, right? Patterns across time. Yes, sensitive sensitivity increases data input, but if the nervous system does not have tools to process that input, overwhelm can occur. Overwhelm is not evidence that sensitivity is wrong. It is evidence that support is needed. Many people were never taught how to regulate emotional intensity. It's true, even if you're not psychic, a lot of people came from homes where feelings weren't expressed, especially especially if you were male, right? You're told don't be too feminine, don't be girly, don't have emotions, and then women were told don't be too traumatic, just be pretty. So suppression creates internal pressure. Regulation creates internal capacity. Regulation allows sensitivity to function as a skill. Without regulation, sensitivity can feel like a burden. With regulation, sensitivity becomes discernment. Sensitivity becomes empathy, right? With regulation. And sensitivity becomes pattern recognition. Sensitivity becomes intuitive clarity. And sensitivity becomes creative depth. Sensitivity becomes ethical awareness. Sensitivity becomes relational intelligence. Yes, you can connect to other people, relate to them. Sensitivity becomes leadership capacity, right? You can become a good leader, good CEO, CFO. Sensitivity becomes wisdom. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So why sensitive people often become healers, coaches, or intuitives? No matter what road we start on, this is where we land. That's what I'm learning for me and all those workshops I went and seen people who were science-based, you know, we all landed there. And it didn't matter what roads we started on. Any people who identify as intuitive, empathic, or energetically aware develop sensitivity early in life. Often as a survival adaptation, right? Children who grew up in emotionally unpredictable environments often learn to scan for subtle cues. You're becoming an empath. They learn to notice shifts quickly. They learn to track emotional safety. Yes. They learn to anticipate needs, because you have to. They learn to interpret tone. They learn to read the room. You see kids scanning. You probably did this as a kid, right? Had to scan for your environment, had to look for safety. These skills are often mislabeled as being too sensitive, especially when you can read certain behaviors. And you know how as kids we don't have a filter. We just say, This is the truth, you're lying, this is that, right? That got me in trouble a few times. But in reality, these skills are forms of pattern recognition. And pattern recognition is foundational to intuitive work. It is. The challenge is that survival sensitivity often comes with anxiety. Yes. Yes, I remember being anxious. Maybe you remember being anxious at some point, and hypervigilance can feel similar to intuition. Fear can feel similar to knowing. Urgency can feel similar to insight. Part of becoming an embodied intuitive is learning to differentiate between trauma pattern detection and intuitive perception. When the nervous system becomes more regulated, perception becomes clearer. When urgency decreases, accuracy increases. When fear decreases, discernment increases, right? So when you feel urgent, you lose the ability to be accurate. But when you decrease the fear, discernment increases. When self-trust increases, external validation becomes less necessary. Because you just trust yourself more over time. You don't need people to validate you or trust that you're gifted. You just know it. And it is what it is. Sensitivity does not need to be removed. No, it needs to be supported. Reclaiming sensitivity is strength. Reclaiming sensitivity is not about becoming more emotional. It's about becoming more resourced. Sensitivity becomes strength when you trust your perception. You respect your emotional signals. You develop boundaries that protect your capacity. You stop explaining your needs to people committed to misunderstanding you. Yeah, you just figure they're gonna misunderstand me anyway. Why bother? You stop apologizing for caring. Yeah, that took time. I told people I care. And even when I was in, you know, in with the group of psychics, they would say, I care too much, and that kind of freaked me out. Because I'm like, you guys are psychic too, and you don't care. You don't care about your work and how you affect people. That gave me the creepy crawlies. Because we're supposed to care. It doesn't mean lose ourselves, right? Have an energetic boundary, but we're supposed to care about ourselves, our clients, the work that we're doing, and y you know, for there are some psychics who are dark impact, so they're not gonna care, they're not gonna get it. But we're supposed to care, and I've been told at times, oh, I should just take a break because I care too much. And I said, Screw you, you shouldn't do this work at all because you don't care. And now I know it's been many years since you know I've encountered a mess like that, that that they were dark impasse. And dark impasse will have the gift, right? And I did a podcast on dark impasse, you can look it up, and you know, it's like, whoa, some people don't care, but we're supposed to. And you stop minimizing your awareness, you stop abandoning yourself for approval, right? You're no longer gonna abandon yourself. It's like this is who I am. You deal with it or you don't deal with it, but this is who I am. Sensitivity becomes strength when it is paired with self-permission, self-attunment, self-leadership, self-regulation, ethical clarity, congruence. Yeah. And many sensitive people were taught that caring deeply was a problem. It's not a problem. Only if it ruins your life, only if you become an overgiver and a people pleaser, but you should care with energetic boundaries. Caring deeply is often the source of integrity. Sensitive people often notice when something feels off. Sensitive people often detect misalignment. Sensitive people often recognize when something lacks authenticity. Sensitive people often sense when something is not being said directly. Yes. These capacities are incredibly valuable in relationships, leadership, creative work, and intuitive practice. Especially if you're going to be an entrepreneur, you gotta be on point with this stuff. You know, you gotta stay aware. And yes, have your energetic boundaries. Sensitivity allows you to feel when something is true. Sensitivity allows you to feel when something is not true. Sensitivity allows you to perceive nuance, allows you to detect what is not immediately visible, but without sensitivity, without boundaries, you can end up being exhausted. If you are sensitive and you don't have boundaries, you will end up exhausted. Sensitivity with boundaries leads to clarity, and sensitivity with boundaries leads to sustainability and also leads to confidence. Very important things. So let's do a somatic practice. Allowing sensitivity without collapse. Okay, here's our somatic practice. If it feels supportive, you may try this brief somatic reflection. Bring awareness to your breathing, just the way that you breathe naturally. Notice the contact between your body and the surface supporting you. Where you're sitting, right? Sitting, laying down. Notice that contact. Allow your shoulders to drop slightly. Notice the area around your chest. You might ask yourself gently, where did I find well, when did I first learn that I was too much? When did I find this out? That I was told that I was too much. Who did that? When did you first learn this? Notice what arises without forcing an answer. You might then ask, what part of me learn to become smaller? Notice sensations rather than analyzing the story. You might practice with one hand on your chest and place one hand on your abdomen. Allow your breath to slow slightly. And you might offer yourself this statement. My sensitivity developed for a reason. My sensitivity is allowed to evolve. My sensitivity can be supported. My sensitivity does not need to be rejected in order to belong. You don't need to be to belong anywhere. You do not need to resolve anything right now. Simply allowing acknowledgement can begin to reduce internal resistance. You know, you don't need to belong by denying your sensitivity. Don't do that. That is very important because sometimes we just you know, we abandon ourselves in so many ways as healers and psychics, intuitives, empaths, whatever you do. And what I mean by abandoning ourselves is that you know, we don't grow the business that we want. We don't charge or we don't charge properly. You know, we don't think that we deserve success because that's just shining too bright. We make other people feel comfortable, we don't want other people to feel bad. We people please, we overgive, right? We do all these things and we reduce ourselves and have the nerves to call it humility, thinking that we're being humble. But that's the language that's been passed on in this work that has really hurt us, you know, in so many ways, and has caused a lot of people to have to abandon this work because they couldn't make a good living, and you know, they couldn't keep a roof over their head or pay the basic living things, or they were told by someone else in this work that it is wrong to charge, really? Y you know, and so we make ourselves small in so many ways. We don't allow for any growth or expansion because we want to be good so desperately, and want to be loving and kind and love and light and evolved and just love everybody, and that's not how any of this works. This is how burnout works. This is how you lose yourself, this is self-abandonment. This and when it comes from the tribe, and there are some people who are in this tribe, they don't know what to do. And I usually ask them, I say, okay, you have these beliefs, but can you pay your bills? Are you happy? Do you feel like you have more to share with the world, but you're hiding? Do you have trauma that you haven't taken care of, right? You haven't gone to therapy for. What is going on that makes you have these beliefs? And I think I need to do a whole podcast about the woo-woo humility stuff because it it held me back in the beginning, you know, and it will hold people back. And I don't want, you know, who's ever doing this work now, I want you to change your mindset. But for those of you who are coming into this work, I don't want you to have the poverty mindset or, you know, you can't be too shiny. And no, you need to stand out and you deserve it. You're called to do it. It's okay. Like some of us are, you know, just like in the middle. We don't want to be in the public eye, but we want to share with the public. But if there are some of you that want to be a psychic star and a medium and you know, travel the world and write all these books and be on Oprah or whatever, that's your right. And then if there are Or those of you who just want to be in a corner and nobody really see you, that's okay too. Just none of it should offer where you have to be so humble. Let's stop with the humility and and let's stop with the misuse of ego. I really need to do a podcast on how we misuse the term ego because a lot of people don't even know what it means. Okay, I'm on a soapbox because I've been doing this work for 24 years and I know the mess that goes on. I know the nonsense that goes on in this work, and I'm trying to do my part to help clean it up. So let's close this out. If you have been told that you're too much, you're not. Or if you've been told that you're too sensitive, too emotional, too aware, too perceptive, too intense. I want to offer you this perspective. Deft is not dysfunction, awareness is not weakness, and sensitivity is not failure. Sensitivity is information. Sensitivity is intelligence, yes. And sensitivity is relational data. Sensitivity is often the beginning of wisdom. Your task is not to eliminate sensitivity, your task is to build the internal support that allows sensitivity to function as a strength. When sensitivity is paired with regulation, boundaries, and self-trust, it becomes a stabilization force. Okay? So if this conversation resonated with you, like, share, comment. You know, message me through the fan mail on Buzzprout. You know, but like, share, comment. Go to my website, drdonna lee.com, look at what I offer, look at the resources. Because intuitive ability becomes more sustainable when the body feels safe. And that's what I'm about. Try to rewrite the message here. And when the body feels safe, perception becomes clearer. And you don't have to stop being sensitive. It's okay to be sensitive. So I want to thank you for listening today. And have a great day. And thank you for allowing your death to exist. I will see you in the next episode.