Soul Contracts and Free Will. You’re Allowed to Leave, Even If It Felt Meant to Be

“We have a soul contract” can sound comforting until it becomes the reason you stay stuck. We’re taking a trauma-informed, no-nonsense look at soul contracts and the ways this idea gets used to override boundaries, excuse harmful behavior, and minimize real emotions. I don’t care how spiritual a connection feels, your lived experience still counts and your safety still matters.

We walk through what soul contracts are commonly believed to be, why intense relationships and repeating patterns get labeled “meant to be,” and where people go wrong when they treat a spiritual concept like a fixed destiny. I talk about the danger of spiritual bypassing, the moment meaning becomes a loophole, and why “my soul chose this” should never cancel your grief, your anger, or your right to leave. Soul contracts don’t have to be for life, and completing a chapter doesn’t mean you failed.

Then we bring in the grounded piece: free will. You may encounter certain dynamics, but you are not required to remain in them. Growth doesn’t require prolonged suffering. We also explore the difference between a soul contract and trauma patterns like people pleasing, fear of being alone, and tolerating instability. If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re being guided or just repeating a wound, this will help you find clarity and reclaim agency.

If this helps you, subscribe, share it with someone who needs permission to choose themselves, and leave a review so more people can find the show.

Transcript

Welcome And Why This Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of my podcast, Soul Talk and Psychic Advice. Today we're talking about something that comes up a lot in in in spiritual and intuitive spaces, and that is soul contracts. You may have heard this ideal that certain relationships are meant to happen, certain experiences were agreed to before you came here, or that people enter your life for a reason tied to your soul's growth. And while there can be meaning in these perspectives, there's also a lot of misunderstandings about it. And I teach about soul contracts. Um it's important because I think a lot of people don't understand what it means. Because one of the biggest distortions around soul contracts is this the belief that they override your human experience, and they do not. That they justify suffering. No, you know, because maybe the soul contract is being acted on, and part of the lesson is to recognize the suffering and walk away, you know. Maybe that's part of it. A lot of people stay in bad relationships, like, well, we have a soul contract. No, it not we're not meant to suffer. We may go through something tough, but we're always supposed to find a way to pull ourselves out of it, and that may be the other half of the soul or part of the soul contract. And that they mean that you have to stay, you don't have to stay anywhere that's hurting you, no. That they explain away harmful or painful dynamics, no. So today we're going to bring this into clarity. We'll talk about what soul contracts are often understood to be, where people misinterpret them because they do, how free will actually fits into this, and why your human experience still matters because people forget this. We're so busy trying to understand this human experience that we're we just jump to the spiritual part of us to explain everything away, and our spiritual selves aren't here to explain everything away. That isn't what it's for. But soul contracts, um, everything comes into play, but let's try to make sense of it so that people don't hurt themselves.

What Soul Contracts Are

SPEAKER_00 2:38

In many spiritual frameworks, soul contracts refer to the ideal that before entering this life the soul chooses or agrees to certain experiences for the purpose of growth, learning, or evolution. And we all may have signed a soul contract on some level, right? This might include specific relationships, major life themes, and challenges or turning points, you know, and think about it like a lot of people who are big in history, they signed a soul contract to do that. You know, but there's many of us who aren't big in history, we sign soul contracts for other things, relationships with certain people to do certain work. Like I am totally uh not on the path I thought I'd be on. So this is a soul contract. And like my son coming in to finish raising me after my mother died is a soul contract. He completed his contract, he passed, but it doesn't explain away my grief. It isn't like, oh, I shouldn't grieve because of that. I still grieve no matter how much I understand that, because I am still a human, and we have to find a way, although it's hard, to be comfortable with the human experience, because that's why we're here. We're having a human experience. So people often use this concept to make sense of intense connections, repeating patterns, or difficult experiences. And you may be able to start with saying it's a soul contract, but it doesn't mean you stay in a nightmare because part of that soul contract is always for you to take action, to make movement, to do some healing, to take a stand, to speak up, speak out, do something, right? And it can provide a sense of meaning. Instead of this is random, it becomes this has purpose. Suffering, you know, happens, but we're not gonna stay there, right? But here's where we need to be precise. Even if you hold that perspective, right? It does not remove the reality of your current experience. And I've known people to say, Well, you know, and I and I've I've known just random people because I've always been nosy about relationships, say, well, it's tough, but I know I'm supposed to be with them. And I say, but to suffer? And they go, but I know we have a spiritual connection. More than likely you do, but it doesn't mean you don't get to rise up, it doesn't mean you don't get to walk away, it doesn't mean you have to stay. A lot of times people will stay with someone abusive, trying to feel, you know, fix them and heal them, and they don't realize it's not that part of the soul contract. And also part of that soul contract may be for that person to recognize that they both have some childhood trauma that they need to acknowledge and heal, and they may have to part ways. Soul contracts aren't for life, they aren't. They could be for a moment, they may be for part of a situation, but you have the right to be free from you know suffering. Yes, you shouldn't feel like you have to suffer because you signed a spiritual contract, and it can provide a sense of meaning, you know, right? So people go, this says purpose, but here's where you need to be precise. I'm gonna say this again. If you hold that perspective, it does not remove the reality of your current experience. I wanted to repeat

The Most Dangerous Misread

SPEAKER_00 6:23

that. So this is a misinterpretation. This is where things start to go off track. Soul contracts get misused in ways like I have to stay because this is my soul contract. No, especially if your life's in danger, please get out. This pain is meant for me, so I shouldn't change it. No. You need to change it. This person is my destiny, even if it's unhealthy. No, maybe at one point they were, but when they start acting out and it's causing problems, you have the right to leave. This turns the concept into something rigid, almost like everything is predetermined, and you have no agency. We all have free will, but that is not a grounded or functional way to relate to your life. It isn't, and it could cause so much harm. And I've seen people hurt themselves, and I'm just like, no, you know, but we don't talk enough about these woo-woo things, and so I'm making it more my life purpose to talk about these things because people hold these beliefs, but that is not a grounded or functional way to relate to your life. Sometimes I'm gonna repeat things because I want to make sure people hear it, because it removes choice, right? We all have choice, we have responsibility to ourselves and to be hold ourselves accountable and discernment. Do not lose your discernment, and it can keep people in situations that are unstable. Yes, people will just stay with a rotten partner because they think that love is a soul contract. No, harmful or misaligned, and maybe part of the contract is you get with that person, they don't act right and you leave, and that triggers their growth. A lot of people stick around and see the growth, and it's like, no, because it may cost you your life. It it's gonna cost you something. Do you want to pay that price? So, no, you don't stick around when things are crappy, you know. No. So let's talk about soul contracts.

Human Feelings Still Count

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Do not override the human experience. Do y'all hear me? This is the core point. Even if you believe in soul contracts, they do not prevent the human experience. You are still a person with emotions. We are here to feel. People are trying to figure out why we're here. We can be here for many reasons, but I know we are here to feel a nervous system. You st you're still a person with emotions and a nervous system and boundaries. You have a right to boundaries, you have a right to needs and limits, right? You have a right to these things. And maybe if there's some trauma in your childhood, you don't understand that, but do the work so that you do understand that. So if something feels painful, destabilizing, or unsustainable, that matters. You don't override your experience by saying my soul chose this. When I hear people say that that's spiritual bypassing, right? And they're trying to explain away pain instead of sitting with the pain and sitting with the hurt and the shock and the disappointment. They're trying to explain it away. My soul chose this. And sometimes, you know, i i it how don't want to say this. I know sometimes things are so painful and it's like, why did this happen? This is so hard. Why did this happen? And so, you know, you want to go, what's the soul contract? You know, my soul chose this trying to ease the pain, ease the hurt, ease the disappointment. And maybe it was a soul contract, but it doesn't mean stay in the pain. Feel the pain, heal the pain. If you need to get away from the person causing the pain, do it. But okay, and like I will keep on using the example of my son. His soul contract was to finish raising me because my mom died when I was 12, so I had him when I was 13, you know, almost 14, and he raised me. He did so, yeah, we had a soul contract, he did it, but I still get to feel, I still get to be hurt, I still have the right to grieve, you know. We have all sorts of soul contracts to marry a certain person, but if you divorce, that doesn't mean you didn't fulfill the soul contract. That might be part of the contract. You're with them for X amount of time, reason, season, you know, not necessarily a lifetime. You completed the contract, you get to divorce them if it does not work for you. Okay, just trying to do some clarity because I know this is a messy conversation.

Free Will And When To Leave

SPEAKER_00 11:37

Now let's talk about where free will comes in. Free will is what brings us into balance. Even if certain experiences or connections occur, you still have choice in how long you stay. You do not have to stick around for the shit show, for the pain, for the abuse, for the hurt. How you respond. Don't go passive, don't feel like what's a contract. I just go with it. No, respond appropriately to the situation and what you allow. You do not have to allow anything awful to happen to you. You don't. And what you participate in. You don't have to stick around and participate in abuse and nonsense. So a more grounded way to think about it is you may encounter certain dynamics, but you are not required to remain in those dynamics. You're not. You don't have to, you don't have to stick around for pain and a nightmare. Growth does not require prolonged suffering. Are you with me, people? Growth does not require prolonged suffering because it does not. Learning can happen through awareness, boundaries, decision, not just endurance. Right? And so remember, sometimes there's just cause and effect and not a soul contract. If you grew up without being able to have boundaries, awareness, and growth, and you grow up and you attract a partner who is abusive, don't say, Oh, it's a soul contract, and maybe a result of childhood trauma. You know, so no matter what, where it comes from, you have a right to leave it and set boundaries and make decisions, not just endure crap.

Why People Cling To The Idea

SPEAKER_00 13:42

So let's talk about why people hold on to this ideal of the soul contract. It is important to understand why this belief becomes so strong. Because it often provides meaning and painful situations, right? It helps people make sense of difficulty and they hope that it eases the pain, the hurt, the disappointment, the you know, of what's happening. And so they rationalize it with sp it being a spiritual contract. And they try to ease that pain, hope. It creates the ideal that something difficult will eventually make sense or resolve. They're hoping that part of the contract as we go through this tough time, there's pain, there's suffering, and the other end of the contract is that it works itself out in one way or another, and we live happily ever after. That we're okay, and it doesn't happen. You know, that may not be in the contract, right? And so you have to know when to leave, when to bounce, right? Justification for staying. It allows people to remain in relationships or situations without confronting the reality of change, and also because sometimes people are scared to leave, they don't want to give up on their partner, they don't want to go, you know, be alone. Some people have a fear of being alone, and so that childhood trauma or trauma comes into play, and they start using the soul contract as an excuse for staying, and it's not. You cannot stay where you are unsafe. Spiritual identity, it could feel like I'm growing because I'm enduring this, and people love to talk about how they've grown and they're spiritual and evolved, but at what price? You know, so yeah, you may grow some because of this situation, but it doesn't mean you need to stay, stick around, and suffer and endure and suffer and endure. That isn't what it means. You don't have to stay and hurt yourself. But growth is not measured by how much you tolerate, it's measured by how clearly you respond. Think about that. A lot of people think they're growing by tolerating pain, and so they're like, This is gonna pay off. I'm growing, I'm healing, I'm evolving, I'm changing. Things are going to get better just because of this. There'll be a spiritual reward, you know. Even if you're not using spirituality and you're saying, God, you're like, God's gonna bless me, God's gonna reward reward me. And there's this martyr mentality that develops, but really, if you stay, it may cost you, it can cost you your life if you stay, it can cost you wasted time. If you're with someone who doesn't want you to grow, doesn't want you to get a degree, you know, because they're trying to keep you small. And I've heard of people just dropping out of college because their partner didn't want them to have a degree and they didn't want to lose a relationship, you're being held back from other things that you're supposed to be doing in your life, right? No matter what that degree is for. You know, I've known people halfway through nursing school and they drop out because their partner is really scared of them succeeding, right? And they don't want to lose their partner and they drop out. What if your calling is to be a nurse and to help people? We need nurses, no matter what, whatever your desire is, it could be anything, right? All of it matters and all of it's important in our society. I was just using that example, but you know, you could be delaying your dreams and delaying your growth. Look at it, are you with someone who's stopping you from growing? And they don't want you to because they want you to stay down and stay weak and and not have your own money and your own success. So you have to think about what type of situation you're putting yourself in and how it's affecting your future. And if you have children, what example does it set for the children? Is this the example that you want them to see? Because children notice everything, they're very perceptive. Remember, I think all children are psychic, but we just lose it as we become adults because life happens, right? And we lose our gifts. And I have spoken to many adults who remember stuff as as young as age three, four, or five, they remember stuff. So we think, oh, kids don't notice. We have to stop overriding children and know that they notice everything, they see, they get it.

A Grounded Way To Use It

SPEAKER_00 18:54

So let's talk about a more grounded way to relate to this. If you resonate with the con the concept of soul contracts, you can hold it in a way that is functional, right? It's okay to believe in soul contracts, but you don't have to throw yourself on the altar of suffering, you know, to honor them. Instead of I have to stay because this was meant to happen. Oh Lord, shift to I can learn from this experience, and I still have choice. You see the difference in that? You don't want to say I have to stay, I have to suffer. You know, you can say, I can learn from this, and I can learn that my free will allows me to have choice, you know, to go, to do something different, to make a different move, right? This allows you to extract meaning without losing agency. Yes, you can still have your spiritual meaning and purpose, but you don't want to lose your autonomy, yourself in this process, to recognize patterns without becoming trapped in them. Do not become trapped in your patterns. Don't let yourself become a prisoner, and stay connected to your intuition and your reality. Because when you get so caught up in the soul contract, you're being caught up in the spiritual world, but you're a human being living in the human world, and you have to function as a human. And yes, it could be awkward and uncomfortable and uncertain at times, but we're humans, we have to do that. And become something you reflect on, not something that controls you. We are not to be controlled by soul contracts, and we have the right to bow out of them just because we sign it. You have the right to bow out of something, you know? And you you know, you also have to understand is this a soul contract or is this trauma? And that's another thing. Know the difference. Don't call everything a soul contract that may just be trauma. And and it's always okay to go. It's always okay to choose something different. It's always okay to save yourself. And if there's healing that's required, do it. Because that's a good soul contract to heal, right? So you can live your best life. I've heard so many people say, I stayed for ten, twenty years. Life is short. We know tomorrow isn't promised to anybody. You don't want to give ten, twenty years to a bad situation 'cause you think it's a soul contract. You know, some people do that and they die a year or two later, so don't do you. Put yourself first. I think that's the biggest thing that we learn is to take good care of ourselves. Love ourselves to honor ourselves. And part of a soul contract may be to learn the lesson when to go, when to stay, when to make changes. That could be a big part of it. And that could be the major contract. I'm gonna learn boundaries. I'm gonna learn to not people please. I'm gonna learn these things. And I will walk when things get tough. That might be the soul contract. Right? We don't get to see what we signed. We just play out stuff, right? So let's close this out.

Final Takeaways And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 22:31

Soul contracts as a concept are often used to explain why certain experiences happen. But they are not a reason to ignore your boundaries. They are not a reason to stay in misalignment. And they do not override your human experience. You are still here living a real life. Yes, you are. With real emotions, real needs, and real choices. And those choices matter. They matter, you matter, your life matters, your life has value. And don't equate your life to suffering. Sometimes we suffer, but we don't have to stay there. So I want to thank you for listening. And if you're interested in learning more about soul contracts, I do teach that inside the embody psychic portal. There'll be a link here. Um I teach all the things that I just feel like you know we need to know more about that I've learned throughout the years and how to get clarity on. And I teach in a trauma informed way. So again, thank you for listening. Have a great day, and I will see you in the next episode.