Growth Can Feel Like Chaos Before Clarity

“Just stay positive” sounds spiritual, but it can quietly train you to abandon yourself. I’m Dr. Donna, and I’m getting honest about emotional bypassing, the way we use spirituality to dodge grief, anger, fear, and the messy reality of being human. A real spiritual awakening doesn’t erase your triggers or make you emotionally flawless. It strips away distraction and asks you to meet what’s been living in your body all along. 

We talk about why awakenings often bring unresolved emotional pain to the surface, why people sometimes feel worse before they feel better, and how big collective stressors (like COVID) forced many of us to sit still and face what we’d been outrunning. I also break down the most common bypassing lines people hear in spiritual communities like “everything happens for a reason,” “you manifested this,” and “raise your vibration,” and why those phrases can create shame instead of healing. 

Then we get practical. I connect spiritual growth to nervous system regulation and trauma healing, explaining how early experiences can make emotions feel unsafe and why “detachment” is not always enlightenment. You’ll learn the difference between emotional processing and emotional flooding, what embodiment actually means, and a simple somatic practice (hand on chest, hand on stomach, slow breath) to check in with what you’re honestly feeling without forcing anything. 

If this helps you feel more grounded in your spiritual awakening, subscribe, share the episode with someone who needs permission to feel, and leave a review so more people can find this work.

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Transcript

Why Awakening Can Feel Messy

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, it's Dr. Donna, and welcome to another episode of my podcast, Soul Talk and Psychic Advice. Today we are talking about something that is deeply important during a spiritual awakening, and honestly, something that is often misunderstood in spiritual communities. Even to this day, with all of the information out there, this is still an issue. We are talking about emotional bypassing. We're talking about why healing is not just about thinking positive or raising your vibration or staying in love and light while ignoring your pain or feeling unbothered. Um, a real spiritual awakening does not remove your humanity. Keep that in mind. Think about that. Because I think a lot of times when people think of a spiritual awakening, they think of it as all just spiritual awareness, clarity, and enlightenment. No, it could be rough waters for a while, and then you get some clarity, but you're still gonna be triggered and bothered by things in life. That's how life works. And the reason why I brought this up is because I did a post on TikTok and and you know, I was talking about how it could be messy. Because it is messy, especially when you've had an illness or come from a divorce, you know, going through a divorce, arbitrary, or or losing someone, whatever it is, it can become messy. And somebody said, Well, what about if it's all intelligent design? And I said, It doesn't matter if it is or not, maybe, but it doesn't mean we should not feel what we are feeling. I think my biggest mission in life is to get people or to help people, I should say, to feel comfortable with feeling all of their feelings, whether it's good, bad, anger, sadness, whatever it is. That's really my mission is to help people embrace the human experience because we're not escaping it yet. If we're alive, we're not getting out of this. And you might as well learn how to make peace with it some, even when it's hard. And there are times where life is really hard. But I think if we keep on trying to intellectualize or spiritualize what's going on without feeling the experience, we're gonna miss out on what we're supposed to be learning from it, or our embracing or emerging into our more evolved self if we try to avoid the humanity of it. And so remember, a real spiritual awakening does not remove your humanity, it actually brings you deeper into it, and one of the biggest mistakes people make during awakening is trying to transcend emotions instead of learning how to feel them safely. We just gotta get comfortable with our feelings. You know, a lot of times when people struggle with addiction and other things, they haven't been, they didn't grow up in environments where it was safe to feel what they need to feel. Even if they've had loving caretakers, you you know, I realize this from doing my work all these years that people struggle with embracing their feelings, and that is the biggest, you know, mistake that people make. Because many people believe awakening means never feeling angry. No, you're gonna feel anger. Boy, do I feel some rage and anger? A lot of people do. Never grieving, you will grieve, never feeling fear, you will feel fear. Um, always being peaceful, no, even with all the tools I have, I have moments where I'm just like darn, you know. And I think you if you talk to people who are authentically growing spiritually, they will admit to that. That they have moments where they're ungrounded. But you know, we learn all these tools to keep ourselves regulated and to stay in our bodies and to be able to bounce back quicker. But it's never to be perfect. I think under it all people are starving for perfection and perfection is not real. And always being a spiritual and always being spiritually above emotional pain, no. But that is not embodiment. That is suppression with spiritual language wrapped around it, and eventually the body will speak, the nervous system will speak. The emotions that were avoided will eventually rise to the surface. They will, because awakening is not about becoming less human, it is about becoming more honest.

Stop Transcending Emotions

SPEAKER_00 4:49

So today we're going to talk about what emotional bypassing actually is, why people do it to this day, you know, people will do it, they want to be unbothered, how trauma affects awakenings, why emotions matter spiritually, what happens when emotions are ignored, and how to safely feel during an awakening without drowning in your emotions. And I really want this conversation to be compassionate because many people bypass emotionally, not because they are fake or bad people, but because somewhere along the way they learned that it was unsafe to feel. So let's talk

When Awakening Activates Old Pain

SPEAKER_00 5:37

about it. Spiritual awakening often opens emotional material. One thing people do not talk about is this. A spiritual awakening can activate unresolved emotional pain. Sometimes awakening begins beautifully. You feel connected, expanded, inspired, open, but then suddenly grief appears, anxiety appears, old memories arise, identity confusion happens, relationship changes happen. Yes, they do. Loneliness surfaces, exhaustion appears. Yes, old trauma rises unexpectedly, and people panic because they think I am awakening spiritually, why do I suddenly feel worse? And often you feel worse before you feel better, just want to warn you. Um but often awakening is illumination, and illumination reveals what was already inside the nervous system. Sometimes awakening removes distractions long enough for the body to finally speak. For years, many people survived by staying busy. I was told to stay busy after my son died, and I'm like, no, I want to feel this, I want to heal this, you know. I want to navigate through grief, um, caretaking for everyone else, overworking, disconnecting emotionally, um, spiritually escaping, staying hyper-independent and numbing emotions, and awakening can interrupt those coping mechanisms. Suddenly the body says, We cannot outrun this anymore. And that is where emotional bypassing often begins.

COVID As A Collective Wake Up

SPEAKER_00 7:23

Now, I want to make a note, I really believe that COVID was a a spiritual awakening for all of us. And so if I include that one, I've had five spiritual awakenings myself. You know, I wonder how many have you guys had. And you know, people couldn't escape. They had to stay in the house, they had to stay with the partner they didn't want to deal with, they had to sit still, they couldn't run and do activities and be gone all night, and that's why people were struggling so hard. I don't you know, some people were afraid of dying, but a lot of people were just like, I'm stuck in the house, I can't go anywhere. You know, what do I do with myself? You can only watch so much TV or clean so much or whatever. And it really triggered a lot of us. That's why so many people were mean during COVID and very angry because they were having a hard time. But we were all having a spiritual awakening for us who survived, and unfortunately for those who we lost, it was sadly their time to transition, although it just seemed so unfair that that happened that way for them.

What Emotional Bypassing Sounds Like

SPEAKER_00 8:33

What emotional bypassing actually looks like emotional bypassing is when spirituality is used to avoid emotional truth, sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously. And it can sound spiritual on the surface. Yes, things like just stay positive, everything happens for a reason. I hate that phrase. Um, yes, there's cause and effect with things, but you know, we overdo it with it. You manifested this. Some people still say that. You should just raise your vibration. Low emotions attract bad things. You need to let it go already. People still say this stuff. If you were healed, you wouldn't feel this way. God, we really don't know what healing is. We have no idea what it is. Now, sometimes people mean well when they say these things. But remember, healing isn't about being numb and not feeling anything anymore. Isn't you know you're still gonna be human. Don't lose your humanity. But often these statements invalidate emotional reality, and many people begin bypassing because they are terrified that feeling emotions mean that they are weak, unhealed, failing spiritually, energetically unsafe, too emotional, too sensitive. But emotions are not spiritual failures. They are information, they are movement, they are communication from the body. That's what emotions are. That's how the body communicates. That's how we communicate. And suppressing emotions does not heal them, it stores them, and they're gonna come out later in a big huge way. The body remembers what the mind tries to avoid, and eventually unprocessed emotions can show up as guess what? Nervous system dysregulation, chronic anxiety, emotional numbness, burnout, emotional flooding, panic, dissociation, physical tension, chronic fatigue, relationship instability, and spiritual confusion. Sometimes people think that they are ascending, but they are actually dissociating. That is important to understand, and people want to ascend so badly. This human experience is rough at times, right? Not every detached feeling is enlightenment. Sometimes it's emotional shutdown.

Nervous System Safety And Trauma

SPEAKER_00 11:19

The nervous system and awakening. This is why nervous system work matters so much during an awakening. Because the nervous system determines whether emotions feel survivable. Many people learned early in life that emotions were unsafe. Maybe they were ashamed for they were ashamed for crying, you know. Some people weren't allowed, even as kids, to express their emotions. They go, what do they hear? Something like, if you keep crying, I give you something to cry about, or the parents just don't want to hear it, they're stressed. So people didn't learn to process their emotions. They're punished for expressing anger, because we were just taught that anger was a negative, bad emotion. It was toxic, it was unhealthy. But no, anger is a very important emotion. Ignored emotionally, forced to be strong too early, parentified, right? A lot of kids are parentified, and parents don't realize it. They just go, You gotta do X, Y, and Z. No, kids gotta do some things, they gotta learn chores, you gotta learn manners and stuff, but no, children are being parentified too often, emotionally overwhelmed by caregivers, and maybe taught to suppress emotions to survive. Yes. So during an awakening, when emotions rise arise, the nervous system can interpret feeling danger, right? It can be filled as danger, not because emotions are dangerous, because historically emotions may have led to rejection, abandonment, criticism, chaos, emotional overwhelm, and punishment. People get punished for their feelings. So people disconnect from feeling in order to protect themselves. Then spiritually becomes another Yeah, then how do I want to say this? Spirituality becomes another protection strategy. That's why a lot of people I remember when I first got into spirituality more than twenty-five years ago for myself before doing this professionally, a lot of people were running to spirituality because they were just looking for belonging and to bypass their emotions and to just be okay already. You know, but they wanted spirituality to become a protection strategy, but healing is not becoming emotionless. Healing is increasing your capacity to stay present with emotion safely. That is embodiment. So embodiment is being able to stay present with your emotions and stay in your body, not drowning in emotions, not suppressing emotions, but staying connected to yourself while emotion moves through. Because it's got to move through you, gotta feel it to heal it. You gotta experience it.

Why Emotions Are Spiritually Wise

SPEAKER_00 14:24

So let's talk about why feeling is spiritually important. It is. Emotions are not interruptions to awakenings, they are part of the awakening. Grief can deepen compassion, anger can reveal violated boundaries. Fear can reveal where safety is needed. Sadness can reveal unmet needs. Loneliness can reveal disconnection from self. Emotions carry intelligence. When emotions are fully felt safely they move. But suppressed emotions often remain trapped in the body. This is why many people during an awakening feel pressure in the chest, throat tightness, exhaustion, stomach tension, shaking, emotional waves, and heaviness in the body. The body is trying to process. Feeling is part of integration. You cannot fully embody spirituality while abandoning yourself emotionally. Real spirituality creates more honesty, more humanity, more compassion, more self-awareness, not emotional perfection and honesty. Some of the most spiritually mature people I have ever met are not the people who avoid emotion. There are the people who can sit with it and be compassionate. You know, self-compassion. That is important.

Process Feelings Without Flooding

SPEAKER_00 16:09

So let's talk about how to feel without becoming consumed. I talked about this a little bit in my YouTube video that I also posted on um TikTok. So let's get into it. Now, this does not mean becoming emotionally overwhelmed all the time. Feeling emotions does not mean drowning in them. There is a difference between emotional processing and emotional flooding. Healthy emotional processing looks like slowing down, noticing sensations, allowing tears, breathing through discomfort, and naming emotions. Staying grounded in the body, offering compassion to yourself, self-compassion, people. Allowing movement without judgment. Sometimes healing sounds like I feel sadness right now. I feel grief in my chest. I feel anger in my stomach. Yes. This emotion is here. I can stay with myself while this moves through. Not I am broken. You shouldn't don't feel broken. Not I am failing spiritually. Not any of this, right? Just my body is communicating. And one important thing is you do not need to force emotions either. Healing is not emotional performance at all. Sometimes people pressure themselves to cry or release dramatically. But nervous systems heal through safety, not force. So if emotions come slowly, gently, or in layers, that is okay. Like a lot of times people think that a person should be crying when they're grieving. A lot of times people shut down, you just go numb. Sometimes people just kind of freeze. It's a lot to take in. There's different ways to handle things emotionally.

A Simple Somatic Check In

SPEAKER_00 18:29

I want to offer a simple somatic practice right now. If you're listening somewhere safe, place one hand on your chest and one on your stomach. Take a slow breath in and ask yourself, what am I honestly feeling right now? And slowly breathe it out. Not what you think you should feel. Not what sounds spiritual. What is actually here? Maybe it is grief, maybe fear, maybe exhaustion, maybe relief, maybe confusion. Notice where it lives in the body. You do not have to fix it immediately. Just acknowledge it. Then say softly to yourself I do not have to abandon myself in order to heal. No, you shouldn't abandon yourself. Take another breath. Breathe in, breathe out, and remind yourself feeling is not failure. Feeling is part of being human. Feeling is part of the human experience. That is so important to remember. I think sometimes we're losing our way with trying to be a baddie and looking like we have it all together and all this other stuff, you know, and we just need to be human. And you know, people want to see vulnerability, you know, from each other. I think we really do want to see that, and we just have to feel safe giving that. I know after my mom died, I lost my ability to be vulnerable for a long time because I had to fight to just, you know, and to fight against bad caretakers and fight against the system and fight to keep my son and you're you're just like you're not getting any vulnerability from me. Screw you. You betrayed me. Everybody was betraying me. You weren't getting vulnerability. And you know, it takes time, you know, if you've lost your vulnerability to get it back. The vulnerability is freedom. So I want to close this out.

Closing Reminders And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 20:41

If you're going through a spiritual awakening right now, I really want you to remember this. You do not need to become emotionally perfect to be spiritual. You do not need to suppress your humanity to evolve. You don't. You're allowed to grieve, feel confused, feel fear, feel anger, feel uncertainty, feel tenderness, and feel exhausted. Yeah. Awakening is not about escaping emotion, it's about learning how to stay connected to yourself through emotion. And honestly, some of the deepest healing happens when we stop trying to spiritually outrun ourselves. Yes. Your emotions are not evidence that you are failing. Gotta rewrite the script here. Sometimes they are evidence that your body finally feels safe enough to speak. So I want to thank you so much for listening today. And if this episode resonated with you, please like, share, subscribe. Because healing does not require emotional suppression. You're allowed to feel, and you are still spiritual wise, feeling deeply and feeling a range of emotions, feeling scattered, feeling lost, feeling confused. All over the place, those are all valid feelings, not weak feelings, not you're a mess, you know. It can feel messy, but it doesn't mean you're a mess. And you know, I have my um spiritual awakening and coaching group, and you could join for free. There are some free tools, you'll be part of the community and receive somatic exercises in a spiritual awakening workbook for free. So I'm gonna have the link below. But yes, feel free to join. And I it's on school, it's called Spiritual Awakening and Coaching. So I want to thank you for listening. Have a great day, and I will see you in the next episode.