Who Taught Us We Had to Be Extraordinary? The Truth About Worth, Specialness, and Being Enough

One sentence on social media stopped me in my tracks: “I realized there’s nothing special about me.” The replies were even louder than the post, full of adults agreeing like it was a hard truth instead of a hurt one. So I’m slowing the whole conversation down and asking a better question: who taught us that “special” means famous, superior, gifted, or publicly validated?

I redefine specialness in a way that actually heals. To me, special doesn’t mean more important than anyone else. It means your existence matters, your presence changes rooms, and your life is irreplaceable in the web of people you touch. We talk about why you can love someone deeply without needing them to “stand out” to the entire world, and why the same logic applies to you. This mindset shift is powerful for self-worth, confidence, and mental health, especially when social media comparison makes value feel like a scoreboard.

Then we go under the surface of “I’m not special” and name the wound beneath it: not feeling seen, valued, or safe to be yourself without performing. I connect that to conditional love, achievement-based praise, and the perfectionism that can follow you into adulthood. If you’re in a spiritual awakening or personal growth season, we also talk about the trap of chasing signs, psychic gifts, or a “chosen” identity, and the deeper lesson that lands when the noise fades: you were enough the whole time.

If this message hits home, subscribe, share this with someone who’s been doubting their worth, and leave a review so more people can find Soul Talk and Psychic Advice. What’s one small, real way you’ve mattered that you used to overlook?

Transcript

A Comment That Hits Hard

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, it's Dr. Donna and welcome to another episode of my podcast, Soul Talk and Psychic Advice. Today I want to talk about something that kind of stopped me in my tracks. I was really surprised to see this comment. I do scroll through social media and one particular social media platform that I go to, it's kind of toxic, it's kinda negative, but sometimes it's sad. And I was scrolling through social media recently and I saw someone write, you know, I came to realization that there's nothing special about me. And all these people are commenting and they're like, Yeah, I feel the same way about myself and my life, and I was just surprised and I didn't expect that because, you know, we're adults and we should know by now what y you know, special should mean is what I thought. I just thought that people would know that being special isn't about being something big. And I was genuinely shocked that, you know, somebody's like, I'm just an average person. And I thought, and that isn't special to you? You know, even if we think we're average, we're special, at least to ourselves or someone or something about us. Right? It isn't about always being extravagant or in the public eye or having the wealth to justify your worth. So, you know, not because I thought this person needed more confidence that I was shocked, and not because I thought they should believe that they were better than everyone else or just as good, but you know, reading the comments under the post, I was shocked because I realized how many people have come to believe that being special means being like unique or superior or extraordinary or somehow standing above others. And this is really what people mean. And I think this is why people don't like the Kardashians. I never really paid them much mind because they're like, well, they're not special. What did they do that's special that got them this wealth and this publicity? And if anything, they're showing, hey, just be you, and that is enough. I think that's the message to take from the Kardashians that hey, just be you and and and promote yourself. Self-promotion as you are. A lot of us struggle with self-promotion. I did until I did a lot of work and on it, and this whole thing we think that we have to be something great to deserve to be known or respected or you know, to promote ourselves, and a lot of times people spend too much time putting themselves down, and that needs to stop. So I was really surprised by this, but that's not what special really means at all. Um y you know, think about it. It's like if we say something special, that means nothing else can be right. We're on a planet with eight billion people and we don't know everybody, and everybody has a specialness if they just like sit with themselves and tap into that. And it might take doing some inner work or healing some childhood abuse or trauma to get there. So somewhere along the way, many of us started associating specialness with achievements, talent, success, popularity, beauty, intelligence are being different from everybody else. And you know, I've heard that from people, they're like, Well, I'm different, and they say it in a way of trying to stand out of being special, and it's like, well, technically, we all are different from each other. We may have things in common that we all want out of life, but we're all different. And why do we need to be able to stand out? And because of that, people begin rejecting the ideal that they are special. But today I want to offer a completely different perspective. I believe every single person is special. I do, even the people that I've had issues with. Even people that I don't think are great people. You know, but everybody has a specialness. Not because they're better, not because they're unique, not because they're gifted, but because they exist. And sometimes we don't always do the right thing or the best thing with our specialness. And because we exist, that changes everything. Okay.

What Special Really Means

SPEAKER_00 5:10

So what does it mean to be special? What does it mean? Let's start by redefining the word. When I say someone's special, I don't mean that they are more important than another human being because no one is more important. I don't mean that they deserve more love. I don't mean that they are chosen while someone else is overlooked. I simply mean that their existence matters. Think about the people you love, your children, your spouse, your best friend, grandmother, grandfather, you know, your parents, your pets. What makes them special? Because you love them, basically, right? So they're special to you. There's a connection there, and and they're special to you, but they may not be special to me or anybody else in the world. That doesn't mean that they're not special. They don't have to stand out to everybody. They're standing out to you, so they're special in your eyes. And it is because it is it is because they're the smartest person in the world to you or no, it's not that either, right? And they're not necessarily the richest. So is it because they're the smartest person or the richest or the most talented? Of course not. They're special because they're them. If they disappear tomorrow, there would be a space in your life that no one else could fill. And that's what special means. That's what it means. It means your presence matters. Your life matters, your energy matters. The way you touch the lives of other people matters. There are people doing great service and volunteer work that we will never hear about. And they're special because they're touching the lives of people. But we don't know them, so we don't know if they're special or not. But to it to the people that they're around or supporting, they're special. There has never been another person exactly like you having this exact experience at the exact moment in time. Not because you're superior, but because you're irreplaceable. Okay.

The Real Wound Underneath

SPEAKER_00 7:39

So let's talk about the wound behind I'm not special. A lot of people struggle with this. When people say I'm not special, I often hear something deeper underneath it. What they're really saying is I don't feel seen. Yeah, that's a big struggle for people. I don't feel important. What makes a person important? What? Having a busy calendar, having a lot of people go, ooh, all you're so great. I don't feel valued. I don't feel like I matter. And that's a very different conversation. Totally different conversation. Many of us learned early in life that our value was connected to performance. We got praise when we achieved. We got attention when we succeeded. We got approval when we behave correctly. And slowly we learned that our worth was conditional. That's what happened. And if you come from a home that you only got praise when you got good grades and did everything right so your parents could brag about you, and you didn't get love when you didn't do things right, yeah, you're gonna struggle. You're gonna think I'm not special. I'm only special if I do things perfect. That's how people end up being perfectionists. So it's a trouble response. We learned that we had to earn love, earn belonging, earn recognition, earn acceptance. So if we weren't doing something impressive, we concluded that we weren't special. But a newborn baby is special before they ever accomplish anything, right? The minute that they're born. A child is special before they earn a single award. A person with disabilities is special, not because they're disabled, but they're still a special, beautiful person, even with a disability. Some people see a disability as a disadvantage. Maybe it is to some people, but they're still worthy people, right? An elderly person with dementia is still a meaningful, special person that means a lot to someone. Someone who never becomes famous is special. Someone struggling with depression is stress is special, right? Someone grieving is special. Their worth doesn't disappear because their productivity changes, and neither does yours. Why this matters during any time,

Spiritual Awakening Without The Hype

SPEAKER_00 10:33

right? Especially if you're going through a spiritual awakening, you're starting to look at who are you and who do you want to be in this world and how do you want to continue? And so this conversation becomes incredibly important during a spiritual growth or spiritual awakening session. Many people begin their awakening searching for something extraordinary. They want signs, they want to be psychic. A lot of people will go, I'm psychic now. They're probably always psychic, right? But they're just now seeing it. They want special abilities, they want messages from the universe. And while those experiences can happen, awakening eventually teaches a much deeper lesson. That lesson is that your value never came from your gifts. I can tell you, I don't feel special as a psychic. Sometimes I'm kletzy, sometimes I'm forgetful. I'm going through menopause, I got brain fog sometimes. I you know, I never felt like ooh, I'm so powerful because I have this gift. I I don't think that's was what's needed for me to be special, you know, and I don't think I'm better than others because I have this gift. But some people think that they are, if only they had this gift, they have an advantage. They'll be unique, they stand out, but it's not needed. And so you definitely learn that your value never came from your gifts, it never came from your intuition, it never came from healing abilities, it never came from being chosen. Your value was already present. And when you awaken to this, it often strips away the identities we built around achievement. It allows you to relax more, to be calm, to be grounded, not to be caught up, not to worry about being enough or what people will think. And that's really what it's about is feeling like you're enough as you are. And underneath all those identities is a simple truth. You are enough because you exist. Not because you're awakened up because you're special or psychic or healed or super intelligent or went to Harvard or any of that. You're just special simply because you're human. You don't have to do exceptional things to be special.

Nature’s Cure For Comparison

SPEAKER_00 13:04

So a lesson from nature. I often think about flowers, and I love flowers. I spend a lot on flowers. That's where my money goes. A rose doesn't spend its life trying to prove it's special. A sunflower doesn't compete with a daisy. A lavender plant doesn't wake up wondering if it's worthy enough. Every flower simply expresses themselves, and they all do differently. They all look differently, they smell differently. And because of that, every flower contributes something beautiful to the world, and they do. I may have my favorite flowers, but aren't they all beautiful? Nature understands something we've forgotten. Value isn't created through comparison. Value exists naturally. The tree doesn't compare itself to the river, the moon doesn't compare itself to the stars. And yet all of them matter. What if humans were meant to live the same way? What if? What if your purpose wasn't to prove your specialness? What if your purpose was simply to embody who you already are? And when you can, you know, do the work and heal and say, I am enough you don't need to be special anymore. So wanting to be special is about not feeling like you're enough as you are. And that's really where the healing comes in. Right? Knowing that you're enough, I think that's a course I should create. But you know, I would say that if you are struggling with I'm not special, kind of deconstruct that. Well, not kinda definitely deconstruct it. Because you have to redefine what special is. And it's not standing out or being the pick of the litter, it's just your existence. You were created, you're enough in your creation, and that makes you special.

The Impact You Never See

SPEAKER_00 15:17

So let's talk about the impact you don't see. One of the reasons people believe they aren't special is because they underestimate their impact. Yeah. You may never know whose life you change. Sometimes people don't go, you change my life, you're special. You know, there's a few times I tell people you're special, you mean a lot to me, and they almost freaked out. They didn't know what to say or think, they're like, that's not so, you're just being nice. But and and you know, sometimes it's uncomfortable to tell people that they've changed your life. But I think people need to hear it. So I said, even if it makes them feel uncomfortable, I want them to know what they mean to me. You don't have to be ready to receive it, but you're gonna hear it if I feel it. You may never know who needed your smile, your kindness, your encouragement, encouragement, your message, your presence. If you're on social media doing videos, just you know, having everyday people talk about their lives and stuff is just so great. And sharing and and that connection, right? Um, people that you know we would have never known existed in the world, just doing these videos on whatever on social media has been wonderful. And you know, I seen a video last night that made a lot of sense, and it was very life-changing. And so you can have a powerful presence to someone if you decide you can. So I can guarantee that there are people who remember things you said that you have completely forgotten, but it impacted them. There are people who found comfort because you showed up. People who felt less alone because you shared their story, you held space for them, you listened to them, you were there for them. And the whole world didn't see it, right? But that person seen it and felt it. You know, especially those of us who have experienced grief. If you sat with someone who's grieving or you know, has gone through some type of loss or healing, if you sat with someone who has an illness, you're special, you're special to them. You you know, it's like we impact each other. We may not always get bells and whistles for doing it, but we can impact each other. We often don't realize that our willingness to keep going becomes a light for someone else. Your life creates ripples far beyond what you can see, and those ripples matter. And sadly, that's what a lot of people don't get, and I think social media kind of messes it up because you see somebody who's got a million followers, and you're like, Oh, they're impact, they're special, they're great, and I only have a couple of thousand followers or a couple of hundred followers, so I'm not as special. But you don't know who's benefiting from what you're saying, or who's benefiting from what they're saying. It could be just two out of their million, just like only two out of your hundreds or thousands of followers, but it's the same, right? Two for them and two for you, and that's plenty. You know how they say if you can impact just one person, you are making a change. And sometimes you have to impact yourself. A lot of times people forget start with self. We're so external in society, we're taught to be external, you know, give, care, and those are great things, and you know, but you're not self-absorbed if you deal with yourself and see your impact and see your worthiness and see that you matter. Yeah, you know, it's just really sad how many people don't know that, and that's what that person wasn't getting, and they posted that, and they seem to be older, you know, they weren't uh in their you know young years, they seem to have been like f in their forties or something, so maybe they're looking back on their life and thinking, I didn't do anything huge, but how do you know? I've I've heard people say that just someone saying one particular word to them gave them faith to live, to continue, that maybe they weren't gonna continue with their life, they were gonna harm themselves, and yeah, you know, I've heard that with my culture. They said this one person just watching them and seeing them get through their struggle, or just the one word that they said to me was everything, and it kept them alive. So and and they didn't get a chance to tell that person. A lot of times we don't get a chance to tell people, you know, but we do impact, and that is a form of specialness. I mean, isn't that special that that person chose to continue living because of what someone said to them? You know, and if you talk to people who have been in a dark place, they got pulled out often by just someone being kind to them. And then they go on and and they go, Okay, I go to therapy, I heal more, I do more work, but it starts with us being kind to each other. And it's so easy, especially now with social media, to be rude, to be a troll, to be nasty, and to insult because there isn't much accountability, right? And you can't call the police over or something like that, only when there's major threats. And so it's easy to do those things, but what if you get on the social media and you say something kind to someone who's going through a hard time? That might be the trigger that helps them to turn it around. And that is a form of specialness, right? Being kind to each other because you don't know who's listening and how much they need that. Yeah, you know, we we could either send people into a good place or a dark place. Some people have harmed themselves because of something mean someone said on social media because they're in a vulnerable place and they couldn't handle the mean comments. So there's so many ways to be special. You don't have to wear a cape and save the world. You know, just impacting one person and knowing your worth.

Stop Proving Yourself

SPEAKER_00 22:20

So I want to close this out. If you ever found yourself saying there's nothing special about me, I'm gonna challenge you. I want you to consider another possibility. Maybe special doesn't mean extraordinary, because it doesn't. Maybe it doesn't mean better. Maybe it doesn't mean unique. Maybe special simply means that your existence carries value. How about that? Maybe it means that your presence matters. It does to someone. Maybe it means that there has never been another person who can live your exact life because they can't. Maybe it means that the world would not be exactly the same without you, because it wouldn't. And maybe that's enough. Today I want you to stop trying to prove that you're special, and instead allow yourself to remember that you already are. Not because you earned it, not because you achieved it, not because you've become someone else, but because you are here, and that alone is a miracle. So I want to thank you for listening today, spending this time with me. And until next time, remember to be kind to yourself, to be gentle with yourself, trust yourself, and honor the unique journey that only you can walk. Thank you again for listening. Have a great day, and I will see you in the next episode.