When Life Stops Making Sense

Nothing feels solid anymore and that’s exactly what scares you. When your old life stops making sense, when your interests change overnight, and when you’re grieving something you can’t fully explain, it can be tempting to call it depression, failure, or “spiritual punishment.” I don’t see it that way. I’m talking about the dark night of the soul as a real, human, life-altering inner transformation where the version of you that used to work starts falling away.

We walk through what the dark night of the soul actually is, where the phrase comes from, and why the “darkness” is more about uncertainty and surrender than anything evil. I share how identity shifts can hit caretakers, people pleasers, rescuers, and high achievers especially hard, because roles that once brought safety or worth suddenly stop fitting. We also name the hidden grief underneath it all: grief for the person you used to be, the timeline you expected, the relationship or dream that ended, and the loss of certainty you thought you needed to survive.

Then we get practical. Spiritual growth doesn’t happen only in your head, it happens in your body. I connect the dark night to nervous system regulation and common symptoms like anxiety, emotional overwhelm, fatigue, brain fog, fear, sensitivity, and decision paralysis. You’ll hear supportive tools like grounding, walking, hydration, rest, journaling, time in nature, breathwork, EFT tapping, and gentle connection, plus encouragement to seek professional support when anxiety becomes intense. If you’re an empath, healer, or intuitive, we also talk about overgiving and how the dark night can be your soul finally saying “no more.”

If you feel seen by this, subscribe, share the episode with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find support when life gets uncertain.

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Transcript

Welcome And Why This Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of my podcast, Soul Talk and Psychic Advice. Today we're going to talk about one of the most profound, painful, confusing, and transformative experiences a person can have. Now people hear the word dark and they shut down, they think it's negative, and it doesn't always mean dark dark doesn't always mean that it's negative. But I want to talk about this because it's been coming up a lot, you know, for people that I, you know, read about or online and sometimes work with. And, you know, so I want to explain this in detail.

Misconceptions About The Dark Night

SPEAKER_00 0:49

So if you found yourself questioning your purpose, feeling disconnected from your old life, grieving things you cannot quite explain, or losing interest in things that once mattered, are wondering why your spiritual journey suddenly feels difficult, this episode is for you. The dark night of the soul is often discussed in spiritual circles, but many people misunderstand what it actually is. Some people think it's depression. And if you think of the phrase dark night of the soul, it feels depressing, but that isn't what it is. Others think it's spiritual punishment. No, it's not. We need to stop with spiritual punishment. You know, life has its moments, right? It's challenging moments of ups and downs, and none of it is it can feel like punishment when certain things happen, but what I'm talking about today is not punishment. Some people believe it only happens to highly spiritual people. What does it mean to be highly spiritual? I think it's something that we project onto people when we want them to be a guru or a fixer or have a message to save the world. Because anybody can end up being very spiritual. The truth is that the dark night of the soul can happen to anyone. It often arrives unexpectedly and can be triggered by loss, grief, divorce, illness, trauma, a spiritual awakening. So it's separate kind of from a spiritual awakening. Relationship changes, career changes are sometimes seemingly nothing at all. Usually something triggers it. Today I want to explain what it is, why it happens, and how it affects the nervous system, and how you can move through it with greater compassion and understanding.

What It Is And How It Feels

SPEAKER_00 2:46

So what is a dark night of the soul? What is it? The dark night of the soul is a period of deep inner transformation where the structures that once defined your life begin to dissolve. Your beliefs may change. You're totally starting to believe stuff that you never thought you would believe. That happened to me. I never thought I would be here. I was a science-only person once, and now I'm the big woo-woo girl. Your priorities may change, your relationships may change. That's a hard one. And I've done some podcasts about that. Your understanding of yourself may change, and people are very obsessed with saying, I know myself, I know who I am, because we think that's the one thing that we can control. But this is what I say: see yourself as an ever-evolving being, and that you're finding out more and more information about yourself, and that's great. It doesn't mean you don't know yourself, but we have layers. I say more layers in an onion, and you're just peeling off the layers, learning more and more about who you are. Many people describe it as feeling like their entire world has turned upside down. What once felt certain suddenly feels uncertain, and that could create a lot of vulnerability. What once felt meaningful may no longer resonate. The life you carefully built may begin to feel like it no longer fits. The dark night is often an identity shift. You begin questioning who you are, what matters, and what direction your life is moving in. The old version of you starts to fall away, but the new version has not fully emerged. This creates a space of uncertainty that can feel completely uncomfortable and frightening. It does scare some people. They're like, What's happening to me? Sometimes people think they're losing it. And yes, do seek out professional support because it's a hard thing to navigate alone.

Why It’s Called The Dark Night

SPEAKER_00 5:13

So why is it called the dark night of the soul? The term comes from the writings of Saint John of the Cross, who is a Spanish mystic who described a period of spiritual darkness that precedes profound spiritual growth. The darkness does not mean evil, it does not mean failure either. It does not mean you are being punished. I hate when people go on being punished. Sometimes this awful things happen or trying things happen. The darkness represents uncertainty, it represents surrender, it represents not knowing. Most of us want answers. Most of us want certainty. The dark night asks us to trust without certainty. And that's a hard thing for a lot of people. A lot of people are like, I want to know. I want to be a hundred percent in the in the know. We are so afraid of not knowing and being made a fool of, and that's got to be some form of trauma for people, right? Because I I've heard that many times. I don't want to be the fool, and I'm thinking, can we possibly know everything? Can we also can we possibly have our lives all figured out all the time? No. But most of us want certainty, and the dark night asks us to trust without that certainty. This is the one reason why the experience can feel so challenging. Because you're being asked to trust. You know, that's when we're being challenged in life, right? To walk the walk without any guarantees of the outcome or the certainty. This is a walk of faith. This is a testimony in church. You know, a lot of people want the testimony, but they don't want to go through what it takes to get the testimony because you don't know what it's going to take you through, right? It's like, what's gonna happen here? But that's what the dark knight asks us to trust.

Identity Death And Old Roles

SPEAKER_00 7:27

So let's talk about the death of the old self. One of the reasons the dark knight feels so painful is because it involves an identity death, not a physical death, but an identity death. Perhaps you are always the caretaker, the helper, the people pleaser, the strong one, the rescuer, the successful one, the healer who took care of everyone else. Then life begins tripping away the identities that once define you. Suddenly those roles no longer fit. And it's hard for people who are overgivers and people pleasers and the caretakers to have a new role. They almost don't know what to do with themselves because it's like I fix people and right now I can't, so the triggers get set off, right? And it causes the person to go, where do I go from here? What should I be feeling? Who am I? So the old version of yourselves begin collapsing because of those things that once worked, stop working. This can feel terrifying because we often mistaken our roles for our true identity when they are not, but we get used to those roles. Yes, sometimes what feels like losing yourself is actually finding yourself. But people want to find themselves in easier ways. Usually we find ourselves by going through some stuff. So let's talk about the hidden grief of the dark night.

Hidden Grief Behind Life Changes

SPEAKER_00 9:20

As a grief coach, I don't just do grief coaching about death, but it's about other changes in our life. So as a grief coach, I believe this is one of the most overlooked parts of the dark night. Many people are grieving without realizing it. I remember one day I just looked up. I was out, you know, shopping, and I just started looking at people, watching people, and I said, I wonder what they're going through. You know, we're all going through something. But you know, we put on our face out in the world, you know, we only share with safe people. And I just realize everybody grieves something at some point. And maybe we grieve many different things at some point in our life. So grief is not only about death, grief is about change. You may be grieving the person you used to be, the life you expected. A lot of people are living lives that they didn't expect to live. They had it all planned out, and I know in our twenties we think we've got it all figured out, and then life happens. You know, you may be grieving a relationship that didn't work out that you thought was your forever person, and things happen that change that. A dream, a career, a sense of certainty. Many people tell themselves that they should be over it, and I hate when people do that. We don't just get over things we're humans, we feel but transformation often requires grieving what is ending. If you could really sit and grieve for a moment what has ended and understand that and what it means to have something end, then you can move forward without carrying that pain over so much. Some of the pain will be there, but it won't, you know, block you from opening up yourself again to new beginnings. So transformation often requires, you know, grieving what has ended. You have to. When we allow ourselves to acknowledge the grief, healing becomes easier. A lot of people don't want to acknowledge their pain. We we live in a world where we weren't taught to sit with our feelings. We're just now starting to do that more. And it's great to see all of these people who aren't necessarily famous, you know, be vulnerable online to show us everyday people do this. You don't have to just follow someone who's famous, our therapist, our coach. It's to see the real people saying, This is what I went through and this is where I am now.

Nervous System Signs And Support

SPEAKER_00 12:12

Let's talk about the nervous system and the dark night. Yes. This is where many spiritual teachings fall short. And I'm all about talking about the nervous system. I'm addicted to talking about the nervous system. There's it it's so it's something that we overlook. We're so much in our head, but we need to be in our body. You know, they talk about consciousness but ignore the nervous system. That's something common in spirituality. Your nervous system craves familiarity. Even unhealthy patterns can feel safe because they are familiar. When your life begins changing, your nervous system may interpret that change as danger. It does for a while. It's like something's happening here, and I didn't expect this. You may experience anxiety and do expect that. And if that anxiety is taking over, do seek professional help. Don't just sit with the anxiety thinking it will pass. I'd be okay. Even if you've never had anxiety before in your life, and all of a sudden you're getting it because of these changes you're going through, you know, it could become debilitating, even as your first experience. So do seek professional help for that. Don't feel like you should just sit with anxiety and that you can control it, or so obsessed with controlling certain feelings and stressors, and it's okay to seek help. Emotional overwhelm. Yes, we can become very overwhelmed with life changes. It's like everything shifting, you know. Then the fatigue, some people just want to sleep. They're like, Why am I sleeping? Am I depressed? What's going on? And the brain fog. When the brain fog fits, it's hit when it hits, it's like, where do you go from here? You know, you're not able to think clearly or think straight, and you may just feel like you're staring at the wall or not able to move. Fear, fear of what's next, fear of how your life is going to change, and emotional sensitivity. Maybe you're reacting more than what you ever did before. And then there's a difficulty making decisions. Sometimes that happens, and and never feel bad if you're all of a sudden struggling with making decisions. Sometimes people can't even figure out what hair color or or what to how to eat. Because when we're having so much going on, we could just get lost like that. And it's okay, don't feel bad about that. This doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong. It means your system is adapting, it's going through a change, and other people may not understand what you're going through, and so don't look for people to understand. And sometimes people get so triggered they just think, oh, somebody's acting weird, instead of having empathy or compassion, and just know you get through it. You and there will be some people who get it, you know. This and when you're going through something tough, ask the universe, ask God, ask your spirit guides, ask whoever you speak to, you know, when you meditate or pray or whatever you do for help to bring aligned people, you know, or take you to the right places, the right spiritual healing centers, the right church, wherever you need to get support. But I don't believe in doing these things alone because it can be very lonely, and you can end up removing yourself from so many people and not knowing what to do. So this is why the nervous system regulation is so important during spiritual transformation. Gotta have grounding exercises to help yourself ground. There's many ways to do that, sometimes just walking or walking around the house barefoot, you know, breath work, learning some basic breath work techniques. The four count breathing is a common one. Okay, EFT. Over the years, I just fall in love more and more with emotional freedom technique. There's tons of tapping videos online, go to YouTube, walking, go for walks, drink water, stay hydrated, rest. Sometimes it's hard to rest when your mind is racing, but rest in connection, find a way to connect to people, you know, who you think will get you or understand you. And unfortunately, even sometimes our best friends may not understand, but do look at that. These practices help create safety while your identity evolves. That's important. You need to feel safe and be in safe places as much as possible, if anything, when you're going through something like this, it makes you reevaluate your life and the people in your life and the people who you're around, and should you be around them. Do look at that.

Why Empaths And Healers Hit Walls

SPEAKER_00 17:41

So let's talk about why impasse, healers, and psychics often experience a dark night. Many impasse and healers build their identity around helping others. Yes, we do. Your work will be in the service profession. You might become a nurse, a healer, a reiki, you know, a psychic, something helping people, you know, it just in some way. And you feel like many empaths feel responsible for other people's emotions. So they overgive, rescue. They abandon themselves in service of others because they're a good person. This is called being a good person, and this is what I'm called to do, to sacrifice, to be the martyr. And they abandon themselves so much because of this. Eventually, those patterns become unsustainable. They are eventually, you know, the the person who's rescuing, helping will get par like, I don't want to say paralyzed, but get stopped in their tracks. They may even get sick where they have to focus on themselves and see who's there for them. The dark night often emerges when the soul says no more. And boy, do people get bad when you say no more. What once felt normal begins to feel exhausting. Many healers discover that their awakening is not about becoming more psychic, it is about becoming more embodied, more regulated, more authentic. The dark night invites them to stop sacrificing themselves in order to help others. People, who am I talking to? Um, I know there are people out there, and a lot of times us who are in service is because either no one was there for us, and so we're gonna be different, we're gonna do better, and we're gonna help others, or you grew up in a household where you had adult responsibilities at as a child, and you had to deal with adult problems, so you just continue, you know, to overgive, to rescue, you know, to fix.

Tools To Move Through It

SPEAKER_00 20:02

Um, what helps during a dark night? If you're moving through a dark night, I want you to remember you do not need to rush through it. Don't sit with it. It may be painful, but sit with it. That's important. You do not need to have all the answers, you don't need to have any answers. It's okay not to have answers. You know, we live in a world that says we must have the answers to everything, and people feed off of each other with that, but nobody really has all the answers. Some of us have very few answers. Life evolves, we don't know what's coming at us sometimes. You do not need to force clarity at all. Instead, allow yourself to rest. Resting is what this period is about, especially for people who are always on the go, go, go, go, go, and doing and doing. Now you gotta sit with yourself and rest, and that may be uncomfortable, but you gotta do it. Allow yourself to grieve. Feel the pain, feel the weight of it. Sometimes it takes a moment, but let it hit. Let yourself cry, kick, scream, journal about it. Practice self-compassion. A lot of people just don't do that. You know, they got it for everybody else, but they're hard on themselves and they're proud of being hard on themselves. Allow yourself to be supported. Support your nervous system. Spend time in nature. Journal. Use EFT. Move your body, do some somatic dancing, yoga, chakra work. You know, move the body. That's so important. Most importantly, trust that the transformation is happening even when you cannot see it. We always want to see the outcome. We will walk to the outcome. We'll get

Reassurance Boundaries And Closing

SPEAKER_00 22:06

there. If you are experiencing a dark night of the soul, so I'm gonna close this out. I want you to know this. You're not broken, you're not failing, you're not crazy, you're not alone, you're moving through a profound transformation. It's life-changing so you can really be who you're supposed to be and live the life that you're meant to live. Many people who emerge from the dark night discover deeper self-trust, healthier boundaries, yes to that, stronger intuition, and a more authentic connection with themselves. Boundaries are important, and we have to stop looking at that word as putting a wall up or being mean. No, boundaries are healthy. It shows that person what your limits are, and you get to see their boundaries and know what their limits are. The dark night is not the end of your story, it is often a space between who you were and who you are becoming. So thank you so much for joining me today. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who may need to hear it. And if you're a healer, an empath or intuitive who wants to strengthen your gifts, I'd like to welcome you to join me in the embody psychic portal. And until next time, be gentle with yourself, trust the process, and remember and remember that even the darkest night, in the darkest night, transformation is unfolding. So thank you for listening. Have a great day, and I will see you in the next episode.