Embodiment for Grief

Grief doesn’t just break your heart. It changes your breath, your sleep, your appetite, your muscles, your energy, and your sense of safety. We’re taking a clear, compassionate look at grief and embodiment and why the body often feels loss before the mind can explain it. If you’ve ever been told to “stay busy” or “move on” and it made you feel worse, this conversation offers a steadier path.

We talk about grief as a nervous system experience and why regulation isn’t about shutting emotions down. Regulation is the ability to stay connected to yourself while waves of sadness, anger, numbness, and love move through you. You’ll hear practical somatic tools you can use right away, including longer exhales, feeling your feet on the floor, placing a hand on your heart and belly, EFT tapping, slow walking, gentle rocking, and humming to support the vagus nerve. These practices aren’t meant to “fix” grief, but to help your body feel safe enough to process what’s real.

We also unpack the difference between moving on and moving forward. Healing doesn’t require forgetting or abandoning love. Over time, grief can transform and integrate, so your person becomes woven into your life instead of existing only as pain.

If this supports you, subscribe, share it with someone who’s grieving, and leave a review so more people can find steadier grief support.

Transcript

Welcome And Why Grief Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of my podcast, Soul Talk and Psychic Advice. Today we're talking about something that I believe has the power to completely change how we experience grief. I've done a few different talks about grief, but this one is even different. There's always this ever-growing, ever-expansion way for me to explain how to deal with grief. Not because it makes grief disappear, because it won't, but it can become manageable over time. That's one thing I've learned. And not because it gives us a shortcut around pain. But because it teaches us how to be with grief instead of constantly fighting it. And I think a lot of people fight it because we really don't have enough structure in society, how to deal with grief, how to deal with death. It seems like people are always avoiding those topics and hoping that they never have to experience it. But honestly, all of us are going to lose at least five important people in our life. That's just how it is, if you live long enough. So it's something that has to be addressed. And you know, as a grief coach, you you know, some people are so frustrated when they first start griefing, like it's never gonna get better. And that's a common way to feel. But I tell people that I coach, if you're here, we do it one step at a time, but you've got to believe at some point you're gonna be okay, because you have to have the belief along with everything that's going on, and you can't see it when it first happens. I know I didn't see it, but I tell them you gotta believe that at some point you're gonna be okay, and you deserve to be okay. That point may come years later, but I do believe that everybody can somehow survive grief and be okay and still live a fulfilled life. I think my life is a testimony to that. I have known plenty of people to do that, we've known some famous people to do that, we know people who have done it, and you must find that true to be true for yourself at some point, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not this year, but it will happen. It will happen in its own timing. So I like to provide understanding and exercises and you know, some medical work and nervous system regulation to show people because everything goes through our body, not just our mind.

Grief And Embodiment Defined

SPEAKER_00 2:45

And so today's topic is grief and embodiment. I focus, I moved everything to embodiment because I realized no matter what I do, that's what it's about for me. So if you've been following me for a while, you've probably heard me talk about embodiment, nervous system regulation, and learning to listen to your body. Well, what does any of that have to do with grief? Actually, everything. Most people are taught to think about grief psychologically. We're encouraged to understand it, analyze it, talk about it, or distract ourselves from it. Especially the latter. A lot of people just say keep busy. I don't believe in the keep busy philosophy. I believe in facing it slowly, gradually. Very few people are taught that grief is also a physical experience. Your body grieves, your nervous system grieves, your muscles grieve, your breath changes, your energy changes, your heart changes, your brain changes. When we ignore the body, grief often becomes something we carry rather than something we move through. Today I'd like to explore how embodiment offers another way. Not a faster way, not an easier way, but a gentle, more compassionate way. Grief lives in the body. When someone experiences a significant loss, the nervous system immediately recognizes that something important has changed. Whether you've lost a spouse, a child, a parent, a friend, a beloved pet, or even a relationship, your body experiences that loss before your mind can fully comprehend it. You might notice. Your chest feels heavy, your breathing becomes shallow. You have a lump in your throat, your stomach hurts, you feel exhausted, your shoulders tighten, you can't sleep, or maybe you sleep all day. Some people experience headaches out of nowhere, probably never had them, and now they're having them. Others lose their appetite, some overeat, some feel restless, others feel completely numb. None of these responses means that you're grieving incorrectly, because there's no correct way to grieve. You do it however you do it. They are your body's ways of responding to profound change. The nervous system is asking one question. Am I safe? Loss shakes our sense of safety. Even when the death was expected, even when someone lived a long life, even when suffering has ended, our nervous system will ex it still experiences disruption. So our nervous system still experiences disruption. Even after the suffering has ended. This is why grief is never just emotional, it's biological, it's neurological, it's physical, and it is deeply embodied.

How We Learn To Avoid Pain

SPEAKER_00 6:17

That it is. Many of us learn that we learned this very early that emotions were uncomfortable. Maybe you heard stop crying, be strong, don't fall apart. You have to keep going. Maybe people around you couldn't tolerate their own emotions, so they unknowingly taught you to disconnect from yours. As adults, we become incredibly skilled at avoiding grief. We stay busy, we overwork, we scroll social media, we binge watch television, which is so easy to do now with so many channels and series to watch. Um, we numb ourselves with food, we over-exercise, we take care of everyone else, we become productive. None of these things are inherently wrong. They're not. The problem begins when they become ways of avoiding what our body is asking us to feel. If only society was getting more into that, we're starting to talk more about feeling, but we're not really showing it. We're just saying do it, but we have to talk more about how to do it. The body keeps the score. Read that book. What isn't process doesn't simply disappear. Sometimes it becomes chronic tension, sometimes anxiety, sometimes panic, sometimes burnout, sometimes illness, sometimes emotional numbness. The body keeps asking us to return, not to punish us, but because healing requires presence. Healing requires presence.

Embodiment Means Noticing Sensation

SPEAKER_00 8:15

What is embodiment? Embodiment simply means living in relationship with your body instead of living only in your thoughts. It means becoming curious instead of asking, How do I stop grieving? Because it is painful, sometimes you just want it to stop. You begin asking what is happening inside me right now? Maybe your chest feels tight, maybe your throat feels constricted, maybe your stomach feels empty. Instead of immediately distracting yourself, you simply notice how you breathe, what you allow and what you witness. One of the most beautiful things about embodiment is that it teaches us that sensations change. Nothing remains exactly the same forever. Tightness softens, pressure shifts, warmth moves, tears come, tears stop. The body naturally knows how to process emotion when we stop interrupting it. Which we do so often. Uh even unconsciously, we just do. That doesn't mean grief disappears. You can always grieve and have that person in your heart. They're a part of your life, they meant something to you. It means grief flows instead of becoming trapped. And that's what we need it. We need it to move, we need it to flow.

Regulation Is Capacity Not Calm

SPEAKER_00 9:57

Nervous system regulation during grief. Yes, yes, and it's so important nervous system regulation during grief. I want to make something very clear. Regulating your nervous system is not about making yourself stop grieving. Too many people, you know, when I post stuff about somatic exercise for grief or you know, different things, people are like, You're trying to say it's gonna go away, and it's not gonna go away. And I said, Where do I say that? Where in any of this do I say that? Sometimes we're grieving so much we can't see clearly, and that's what I like about embodiment is that we start to be able to see past the fog of grief, and a lot of times people are so stuck in their grief that they think that there's no way out of this hell. And I'm saying there is a way out of this feeling, and yes, it feels like hell sometimes when you're grieving. I felt like I was trapped in hell at times, and you can be like, Why is this happening? Why do I deserve this? It it took me almost a year to really accept that my son was gone, and I've lost parents, I've lost friends, but my son was a big one. And what I would say to anyone out there who's grieving, and you just think there's no way out, no way out, one day at a time, one moment at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, take it slow. You need to take it slow instead of trying to see big pictures. But when you see, and there's a lot more people getting into grief coaching, thank goodness that people are posting, you know, things to help you with grief. Ask yourself, say, why do I just think there's no way out? Maybe this person knows something that can help me, whether it's me or somebody else. Maybe just try. You know, I had to try anything and everything. I was already spending a lot of money on you know, different training. I spent several thousands more trying to get better and trying to figure out what could work. And yes, it led to part of a bankruptcy because I went into major debt, but now we're making things easier, more affordable, we're figuring it out for you, and hoping that you give some of this a try. There's a lot of free stuff out there, and no, not everything can be free, but there's a lot out there, and you know, this is a very important topic to me because I've I've I'm writing it, right? I've been I've been through it, I'm going through it, I always be going through it. You know, it's 18 years after my son passed, and so it's and I'm a fixer, so you put all of that together and I'm trying to save the world from grief. I'm trying to say you don't have to suffer. And it's very emotional, even doing this podcast, because it's the worst type of suffering, if you ask me. And I know we're gonna lose people. We have no control over that. The one thing that we'd like to control, we can't. But there is a way, and you have to decide, you know, at one point through the grief, can you rise above? Some people can't. But my mission in life with all this embodiment is to give people a better life because I know what hell looks like. Hell on earth is tough when you're in pain, when you're grieving, when things are going wrong. And I'm a fixer. I can't help it. You know, that's my own stuff, right? But at least I want to do something good with it. So let's continue. Some people hear the words nervous system regulation and say, so I'm supposed to calm myself down. That is what social media sees it as. And eventually you do get there. I think sometimes I look stoned at people when I'm doing videos or I look too calm because I do so much nervous system regulation exercises throughout the day with clients and myself. And it's not exactly what it's about. Regulation isn't the absence of emotion, even though I'm looking calm and still feeling everything, it's the ability to stay connected to yourself while emotions move through you. Imagine waves in the ocean. You don't stop the waves, you strengthen the boat. That's what regulation does. It increases your capacity. So nervous system regulation increases your capacity. When your nervous system feels safer, grief can move. You cry, you can let it out, you can breathe, you can remember, you can laugh, you can miss them, you can smell out of memory, you can cry again, and this is all healthy. This is grief moving.

Simple Somatic Practices To Try

SPEAKER_00 15:31

Some simple embodiment practices include taking longer exhales. Just when you breathe in, take a longer exhale, feeling both feet on the floor, placing a hand over your heart, and even one over your abdomen and just breathing, just feeling your body move. EFT tapping, love it, love it. I do it every day. Walking slowly outside, you know, everybody's doing brisk walking trying to burn calories. Take a slow walk. Gradually, slowly walking, gentle stretching, rocking the body. You know, we were rocked as babies because it was comforting. Rock yourself. Humming. That's for the bay the vagus nerve. These aren't techniques to fix grief. They're invitations that tell the nervous system, you don't have to carry this alone. That's really what it's about.

Move Forward Without Moving On

SPEAKER_00 16:36

And you know what? You don't have to move on. People will say this stuff. You don't have to move on, but you just have to move forward one step at a time. One of the phrases many grieving people struggle with is you need to move on. And I wish people would stop saying this, but society is still evolving, right? So you're gonna hear crazy stuff when you lose someone and it could just be very irritating. I don't believe healing asks us to move on. I believe healing asks us to move forward while carrying love differently. Embodiment allows us to integrate grief instead of abandoning it. Eventually, your loved one becomes woven into your life rather than existing only as pain. Because yes, it's painful that you lost them, but you feel the pain because of who they were, how amazing they were, how wonderful they were. You begin telling stories instead of only crying. You smile unexpectedly. You remember birthdays with tenderness. You notice their influence in who you've become. The grief doesn't disappear, but it changes shape. Love remains. And because love remains, grief transforms rather than ends.

Guided Practice To Feel Safer

SPEAKER_00 18:07

Guided embodiment practice. You can replay this at any time. This is around the 18 minute mark. Guided embodiment practice. If you're able, I'd like to guide you through a brief practice. Take a comfortable breath. Just a normal inhale exhale. What's comfortable for you? Notice your feet touching the ground. Feel the support beneath you. Place one hand on your heart. One hand on your belly without changing anything. Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now? What are you feeling right now? Don't search for the right answer. Simply notice. So whatever you're feeling, halfness, sadness, anger, stress, grief, whatever you're feeling, just ask what am I feeling right now? And simply notice that. Now ask where do I feel it in my body? Are you feeling it in your stomach, your chest, your legs, your back? Where are you feeling it? And ask yourself, is that feeling heavy? Is it warm? Is it cold? Is it tight? Is it empty? Allow yourself to stay with that sensation. You don't need to fix it. No. You don't need to understand it. We we intellectualize everything. Simply witness it. Just be a witness to it. Now gently say to yourself I am safe enough to be present with this moment. Take another slow breath. As you exhale, allow your shoulders to soften. Notice if anything shifts, even slightly. You know how you feel, how that body part feels where you feel the feelings. Maybe nothing changes, and that's okay. Healing isn't measured by traumatic breakthroughs. That isn't how healing works. It's often measured by tiny moments of presence. Just tiny moments of presence. That's what this is about. Just little steps along the way. You know, when we think of healing, we think gotta just do this and it's gonna be okay. And it's not. One session will never ever be enough to heal. There are layers beneath the surface. You cannot heal quickly. It is a slow, gradual process. I tell clients if you're interested in one session thinking it's gonna heal, let's not waste your money. Let's not even get started. Find other ways, do some of the free stuff. You know, there's stuff on YouTube, there's other ways to do it, but one session will never do it. It's a journey. Healing is a journey. I'm gonna close

Core Takeaway And Gentle Closing

SPEAKER_00 21:30

this out. If there's one thing I hope you take away from today's episode, it's this your grief is not a problem to solve, it is an expansion and an expression of love. And your body is not working against you, it's trying to help you survive something incredibly difficult. The more compassion you offer your body, the more space healing has to unfold. Healing doesn't happen because you stop grieving. Healing happens because you learn to stay connected to yourself while grief changes over time. Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. If this episode resonated with you, I invite you to share it with someone who may be walking through grief right now. And remember, you don't have to have all of the answers. None of us ever will. You don't have to be okay every day. Some days you you'll laugh, some days you'll cry. Many years later you could be like, Oh doing good, and then you could just have a cry. That's it's all part of the process. You simply have to keep coming back to yourself. One breath at a time. And remember that one breath at a time. And so until next time, take gentle care of yourself. Thank you for listening. Have a great day, and I will see you in the next episode.