Simple Ways to be (Imperfectly) Present with Your Kids

Can you imagine what it means to fully embrace the messiness of life and still find joy in being present with your children? This episode promises to unlock the secrets of finding peace amidst chaos by choosing connection over perfection. 

We explore how to prioritize meaningful moments over endless to-do lists. It's not about doing more but about tuning into the spiritual and emotional needs of our children, creating a nurturing environment one small interaction at a time.

Join me as we discuss practical ways to step back and realign ourselves with what truly matters. Discover how recognizing cues from our kids can become opportunities for connection, and why sometimes simply changing our physical location can open up new perspectives and foster a deeper presence. 

Let's find our personal purpose and see how it enhances our relationships with our children.

What you'll learn in this episode:  

• How to embrace the imperfections in parenting and prioritize meaningful moments
• Strategies for letting go of the quest for perfection in parenting
• How to recognize and respond to the cues your children give for connection
• The importance of spiritual promptings in guiding you to be more present and intentional
• The significance of taking personal time to recalibrate and tune back into your children's needs

Featured on the Show: 

• FREE GUIDE: Step-by-Step Formula to Discover Your Purpose and Feel Alive Again

Click HERE to watch this video to learn The 3 Things to Avoid When Reading Self-Help Books

How to Connect with Lara:

Web: www.larajohnsoncoaching.com

Instagram: www.instagram.com/j.lara.johnson/

Facebook: www.facebook.com/larajohnsoncoaching

Work with Lara: www.larajohnsoncoaching.com/work-with-me/

Transcript

Welcome to the Mom on Purpose Podcast. I'm Lara Johnson, and I'm here to teach you how to get out of your funk, be in a better mood, claim more with your kids. Manage your home better, get your to-do list done and live your life on purpose with my proven method. This is possible for you, and I'll show you how. You're not alone anymore.

We're in this together.

Hello, beautiful, welcome to the Mom On Purpose podcast again. So, I have to tell you a story about this. Last week so we are wrapping up renovations in our upstairs we started renovations. It's been a year that we've had things going on in our house. It's been a lot, and so I was just getting back from out of town. Some of the renovations in our kitchen area were done, so I was able to start cleaning up some things. 

It was already late. I was worn out. I was trying to put things away so that we could have a functioning kitchen area again. It's been a while, and I had dishes to do. It was dinner, you know. The kids were going to bed late. I was worn out and my kids were asking can you come snuggle? Can you come snuggle? I'm like you know what you guys. You chose to stay up late. I'm not coming to snuggle, I'm onto my chores now. 

Now there are lots of times I am totally okay saying this because this is a common discussion we have when they stay up late, and I've moved on. But for whatever reason, as I was going about this, it wasn't just me holding a boundary, it was me getting really mad and then snapping at them. So, I was in cleaning the kitchen and I started hearing just this little faint cry. I'm like oh, dang it. So, I walked down the hall and, sure enough, my cute, sweet, tenderhearted six-year-old was in his room crying. In that moment I had to stop and pause and reflect. 

Now. At some point that evening, I know the dishes got done. I don't remember when I did it. I don't remember anything else that happened that night. But I do remember the crying, and it wasn't because I felt guilty, it was more because there was a gentle reminder from the spirit, and it reminded me of another story. So, I'll come back to that in a second. But in that moment, I was simply reminded that oftentimes, when I'm busy managing a household, I sometimes miss out on those simple, meaningful moments that are right in front of me. 

So as we talk about, you know, embracing this imperfect presence with our kids, my hope is that this will be a gentle reminder for you and some very small things that you can do to be more present with your kids without eliciting any guilt, because I know you are doing a way better job than you are giving yourself credit for. That's why I'm always so hesitant to talk about this, because I never want it to be something more that you feel like you are lacking on. But I do know that this is still something that is tender on your heart that you do want to achieve. So, I really wanted to kind of talk about it today in a very loving, nurturing, gentle way. So, remember how I said the spirit reminded me of the story. 

Well, the story was in Luke, chapter 10, when Mary is sitting with Jesus and Martha is busy working and she's really frustrated. And Martha comes and kind of laments to Jesus and Jesus tells her that Mary has chosen the better part, meaning there to hear the word of God at Jesus's feet. Now, as a teenager, when I would hear that story, I'd be like, yeah, what's more important than Jesus? Like, come on, Martha, get on board with this, because teenagers are naive to the workings of a household, especially back then. But now, as a mom, I want to be like, yeah, Martha, yeah, you tell Mary, you tell her to get up and start working, and part of me is like, really mad at Jesus. Like Jesus, there's a lot that goes on and it takes multiple people working to run a household, and I'm sure you can relate to this. 

You know feeling, but what, what was brought to my mind, you know, from the spirit, was, yes, there are always time for dishes and cleaning. There is an endless supply of things to do. There is an endless supply of things to do and, yes, sometimes the spirit will prompt you to step away from those things. But the question is, what will you do when that spirit prompts you? Will you answer that prompting? And that's where I want to focus on, you know, embracing that imperfect presence with our kids is. It's less about the scheduling of you know that connection time we are way overscheduled. It's more about following those promptings that are coming and being in tune when those come up, so that you can step away knowing that God will make up the difference. 

So, let's first talk about you know, just. You know being able to think. You know focus on our mindset for just a second before I give you just a couple tools that you can use. The first is always, you know, slowing down so that we can be more present. This is really hard to do when our lives are going a million miles an hour with children, with work, with school, with homework, with spouse, with their commitments, with children activities like the list is endless, and it's so easy to get wrapped up in managing it all, just like Martha. 

And so it's important to recognize that being present with our kids is not something that we have to do more of, but it's more of embracing who we are as just being more, like allowing them to have a piece of our mind, instead of feeling like they're an extra burden on us, if that makes sense. When we are slowing down, it's just those little, tiny things that we're doing with our kids that make all the difference in the world. Where it might be that glance, you know, sitting across the table, it might be that last kiss on their cheek where you stay a little longer than normal. 

It might be, you know, getting out of the car to greet them at carpool If your carpool line allows that I know some, don't you know being able to wrap them in that big hug. Or you know those tiny things that might be that little text before you go to bed, just saying I love you. Those are the things that don't require you to be perfect and don't require you to do more. It's simply just being there in your mind for them, giving them some kind of residency of just connection within your own mind. 

First, the next thing to think about is being able to take moments to step away and breathe throughout the day. Now, this doesn't mean that well. What this really means is sometimes you have to go sit in your closet for a second and take a deep breath. Okay, my kids know my closet is my happy place. It doesn't mean my closet's clean all the time, but it is my happy place because it is one location where they know if I go there, I am going just to breathe and when I come back it's like I've recalibrated and I'm able to tune back into them. 

You can even think about it as like a piano tuning it doesn't take long for somebody to come in and tune a piano, but they do have to have the ear for it. It's the same thing, like you can't really get in tune with your kids If you don't take that moment to tune into yourself. Stepping away to take those moments to breathe really helps you do that. 

Now, the other thing is, I think it's important to let go of perfection and embrace what is. And you know, I think sometimes when we think of letting go of perfection, like so many of us are like yeah, we're way past that, but sometimes we're still fighting with reality. It's like we haven't accepted the fact that things can be really hard and that things can be really busy and we're constantly fighting for that organization in our house or that schedule, or you know something where there's like we think if we reach this, this perfect place in our life, then suddenly we get our sanity back. 

This is coming off of lots of renovations. I think if I just had my house back, my brain would come back. It's not just that brain would come back, it's not just that. And for me, that was the biggest thing that I realized is that over this last year, it wasn't that I was striving for perfection, it's. It was that I was fighting reality, and I was struggling to embrace what is Now. 

There are times in our lives when things will fall apart Again, I use this just as an example, but through the last year, I feel like I've had kitchen supplies in one of my son's rooms, I've had decor stacked high in my office for my living room, or I've had, you know, camping stuff piled under my treadmill in my bedroom, like just random stuff in places that aren't typically there. And I've had to have many come to Jesus moments where I'm stomping around, mad that I can't find anything and I just keep thinking, okay, I just I have to get to the end of this. I have to get organization back. 

Everything will be different, and I know that what's really happening is that there is the whole like disconnect inside of me and God keeps reminding me that I have to come home to myself first. I have to get my insides taken care of before anything will be different, regardless of renovations, regardless of where piles are. So, we have to stop fighting with reality. 

So, if you get to that spot where you're stomping around, you're throwing stuff, it's time to stop and just accept what is. Until you fully accept it, you cannot change anything. So, take a step back. Whatever is. I'm not saying it doesn't have to stay this way, but you have to see, maybe, the humor in all of it. Maybe it's just being okay with not being okay for a moment. Once you accept that, then you're able to start lovingly, look for simple ways to change. 

So, let's go back to some practical things that you can do today to really be more present with your kids in whatever imperfect way you're able to. The first one is to look for clues that they're giving you. Now this is going back to that first mindset shift. Is it's learning to slow down so that you can see the clues. Oftentimes, what these clues will look like are your children bickering with each other. Sometimes these clues will look like them getting a little whinier. 

Now, again, I'm not saying you always have to stop everything that you're doing, but if you look at these instead of having to be a referee or having to parent them, and just look at them as invitations for physical touch or some kind of positive reinforcement or just a hug of some sort, you will be amazed at how much stops in the moment as far as the fighting and the whining goes, in the moment as far as the fighting and the whining goes. So, look for those clues where you can stop and be present for a moment with your kids. 

The second thing is to be open to the promptings that I talked about in the beginning. Now, there are lots of things that you can do in order to be more open to promptings. Prayer is important, scripture study is important, connecting with God in whatever way that you would like to. I find for me, one of the biggest things being open to those promptings is opening my heart. And that takes, and that takes again. That takes me to stop fighting with reality. That's a big one. 

That takes me not stomping around and being mad, but that takes those moments where it's like my stomach churns and I want to feel guilty. But in that moment, I can step back and just see that my heart is being touched and I don't have to beat myself up over it, I don't have to take that guilt and shame myself. I can just take that little, that twinge inside of me and just see oh okay, this is a prompting that's coming to my heart, what is it trying to teach me? And it's just simply looking up and acting on those promptings. 

Now, if you're thinking about something more tangible, one of the best ways that you can be more present with your kids is to relocate your physical location. Sometimes that's just sitting on the floor, sometimes that's sitting in a different part of the house. Sometimes that's laying in the grass, sometimes that's going and laying on the bed in your kid's room like, whatever your normal thing is, sit somewhere different. 

Because what happens is it gets you out of your brain. It like changes, changes up that routine. It's making you think and work a little bit harder and suddenly your mind will start seeing things in a different way. It's so simple but it is so effective. So, if you find yourself in a rut and you feel like you're not really being very present with your kids, kind of mentally trace back your regular places you're standing or walking and go outside of that and see what happens with your kids. 

The last thing that I wanted to talk about, just like I mentioned before, is really releasing that guilt. Not latching onto it when it comes, but seeing that as an invitation, but also, if that guilt does come, learning how to release it. I remember talking with my grandma who has since passed about when she was growing up. You know, back in the 40s there were not a lot of people around to do a lot of the jobs and as a six-year-old she was kind of left on her own large portions of the day because her mom had to go to work and that's just the way it was. 

And there was a neighbor that you know would kind of check in on her once in a while, but she was six. Like I can't imagine leaving one of my kids home and one of a six-year-old home all day by themselves, but she was left in charge of herself. 

Now I use that as an example, as there are many, many generations before where children have been left for large periods of time. If you look at the generations of families that grew up on ranches or on farms or owning small businesses, like there are so many children still in the world that are probably left alone more than your children, okay, and I guarantee that there are more children than we could even comprehend and it is heartbreaking to think about, but many children that are more neglected than your children. 

I promise you that the guilt you feel is not warranted. Your children are loved, they are seen, they are heard, and there is a loving mom in their life that is listening to a podcast about motherhood in order to become better, if anything. That shows you are incredible, and your kids know and see and feel that, so there is no reason to feel guilty about not being able to be there more with your children. 

Now again, it's just allowing a little bit of space in your brain and suddenly things you'll start connecting with them more easily. The last thing I will say is that God knows your circumstance and he sent you your kids anyway. So even though you're in motherhood and you're learning a lot of lessons, the circumstance of your life is also teaching your children some valuable lessons that they need for their life. So just remember that when that guilt starts to come, that God is very aware of your circumstance, and you do not need to carry that guilt around Now. 

I really invite you to look for these simple things you know when Mary was sitting on the floor at Jesus's feet and Martha was in the kitchen. Chances are she was following a very simple prompting. For that moment I guarantee she was still cooking and cleaning every other time. It was just in that moment Martha had a moment of weakness. 

Or maybe she was having an invitation to follow a prompting to go sit down and be a little more present. Your kids absolutely love and adore you. It doesn't take hours and hours of being present with them. It simply takes looking up and remembering to see and hear and love them in whatever you're doing. 

So just remember that there is so much beauty in connecting with your kids in very simple and imperfect ways. So, if, by chance, you are loving this podcast, I hope that you go to download your discover your purpose guide. This is a guide that I made specifically for you so that you will know what your purpose is in motherhood and in your life, so that you can connect more with your kids by connecting with yourself. 

So go down to the show notes there. It will have a link for you to go and download your discover your purpose guide on my website. It is one small step to take you more to living a more intentional present life. I'll talk to you next week. 

Thank you for listening. Please share, review, and subscribe to this podcast so that together we can live life on purpose.