Top 5 Reasons for PMDD Breakups

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The moment I realized my relationship was ending wasn't during a heated argument or a dramatic confrontation. It happened in paradise—on a beautiful balcony in Los Cabos, where I should have felt at peace but instead felt utterly disconnected from my partner despite my desperate attempts to reconnect.

This disconnect wasn't about not loving each other enough. It wasn't even about the challenges of managing PMDD symptoms. It was something deeper—the gradual, devastating loss of hope that things could ever truly improve between us. After trying everything I knew to rebuild our connection and still feeling miles apart, I faced the painful truth that sometimes love isn't enough when fundamental needs remain unmet.

Through years of counseling couples affected by PMDD, I've identified five critical patterns that signal when a relationship has moved beyond the typical monthly conflicts into territory where permanent separation becomes likely. From the emotional exhaustion of cyclical breakup threats to the erosion of intimacy that turns partners into roommates, these warning signs emerge long before the final decision to separate.

What makes these patterns particularly dangerous is how gradually they develop. Most couples wait until they're drowning before reaching for help, not realizing that relationship healing—like taking antibiotics—requires consistent, ongoing care rather than a single intervention. One counseling session might provide temporary relief, but without continued support, couples often find themselves sliding backward into even deeper disconnection.

Whether you're currently struggling in a PMDD-affected relationship or supporting someone who is, understanding these patterns can help you recognize when it's time to commit to serious intervention. The question isn't whether your relationship is experiencing difficulties—PMDD guarantees challenges—but whether both partners still have hope and are willing to do the consistent work needed to rebuild connection. Because as I learned on that balcony in Mexico, sometimes the kindest choice we can make is to acknowledge when a relationship no longer serves either person's highest good.

Transcript

Introduction to PMDD Breakups

Speaker 1 0:01

So today I want to talk to you about the top five reasons for PMDD breakups. And I really wanted to talk about this because I am once again in Los Cabos, mexico. I like coming here a lot and every single time I come here, it's very healing. It's very symbolic. Time I come here, it's very healing, it's very symbolic and one of the reasons I was just on the balcony. If you're watching this on In Love With PMDD TV on YouTube, you'll be able to see the balcony behind me, but I was sitting on the balcony having my morning coffee and one of the things that is undeniable about Cabo for me is that I experienced the most peace I've ever had from being here. It always starts with my sleep. It doesn't matter what time I get in or whatever. Whenever I go to sleep, I always have the deepest sleep and I feel so restored and I feel rejuvenated, and I think this is what keeps me coming back here. And it's very ironic that I feel so restored and relaxed and at peace here, because this is actually the last place that I saw my ex, so it's been two years and I didn't even know this. I'm here as you can see the balloons in the background. If you don't follow me on In Love With PMDD on YouTube, the link is in the show notes.

Speaker 1 1:36

But I'm here for my daughter's 16th birthday, so what I've decided to do is go to all of our favorite places for the next month to kind of celebrate her journey of turning 16. It's such an incredible milestone and there are so many places that we cause we travel all the time and she's homeschooled so she literally goes everywhere with me and but there are certain places that we really bonded and we really connected and if you have a teenager, those moments are so precious. So this is one of them where we just come here, we go to the beach, we play volleyball, we get in the pool, we play catch with the ball, we go out on excursions, go camel riding, atv riding, zip lighting, all of the things. And every single time we come here it's different because we decide do we want to do excursions and do all the adventurous things like the ATV riding and all the things, or do we want to relax, like I did last month? And so in planning this trip, it always hits me when I have like the most peace in the morning and I'm drinking my morning coffee on the balcony, slowing down as I talked to you about for my nervous system.

Speaker 1 2:54

The last place I did see my ex was here two years ago and was actually for my birthday, and I remember experiencing this place so differently. I literally was crying going through the lobby and all of these beautiful places with these pools and beautiful, just people that are so nice, and I love being on vacation so I can see people enjoy life and have fun. Like it almost is like osmosis. It helped me and I remember calling my best friend while I was in tears during my last visit with my ex and I was like, please, like I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm, I'm very. It saddened me that I was in the most beautiful place I had ever seen and I felt horrible. I felt like there was a fog over me, I felt like there was this doom and gloom and I was so frustrated, I was so hurt, I was literally broken. I can actually say that I was broken when I was here because I was depleted. I had given everything that I had to give, and I'm not saying that I was perfect, I'm not saying that I could have done maybe something different in my partner's eyes, like I can't speak for me. I can only speak for myself. But I genuinely was at the point where I felt like I can't give any more than I'm giving, and I know I can feel like whatever I'm giving is not enough, and that was my breaking point.

Speaker 1 4:41

So I'm going to talk to you today about the top five reasons that individuals break up, whether it's the partner that has PMDD or the partner that doesn't. But I will tell you from my experience it wasn't. I didn't break up because things got hard. If you're in a PMDD relationship, if you have premenstrual dysphoric disorder or your partner has premenstrual dysphoric disorder, it's a given Things are going to get hard. I would never quit a relationship because it got hard for me, because in any relationship that you're in, it's going to have those hard moments.

Personal Experience in Los Cabos

Speaker 1 5:14

But for me, when I literally gave up, when I quit, when I lost hope and that's the key phrase is I lost hope, and for me, losing hope takes a lot. It takes a lot for me to lose hope because I'm technically one of those people that can see the glass half full and I see this horrible situation but I'm like no, but that's okay because of this and that's okay because of that, I always search for the positive in situations, even when it's not very apparent, in situations, even when it's not very apparent. So when I gave up and it was actually when I was here two years ago we were here for my birthday and I'll walk you through it. So I knew I came here with my daughter and then my partner was going to come and see us and he had gone through some injuries with. You know, just, personal things, everybody has personal things. Like I always say, like when you have PMDD, you always need to be mindful of all the things that your partner has going on as well that can contribute to the issues that you have in the relationship. So he had issues that were going on medically that put him in a bad place physically and mentally and it was just a hard spot and I was doing my best to be supportive. I was, when you know, he had surgery. I brought him down with me because we were long distance to stay with me and every.

Speaker 1 6:41

I think the thing that was kind of chipping at our relationship at that point was everything that I was doing was like it wasn't good enough. Everything that I was doing was like it was criticized. It was torn apart, like I should be doing more and I was literally giving everything that I had to give. So this trip for me, I had so much hope. This was kind of like I don't even think that I knew. But now that, looking back, I think that it was my last dish effort, I was like, listen, I've done everything and this is talking to myself, really processing everything I've done everything that I know to do to restore this PMDD relationship. Like I knew that it was breaking and I even messaged him like we are breaking. This is not a normal. I'm not happy right now. This is like the relationship is breaking.

Speaker 1 7:35

So I was doing so much damage control of like we need to do this and we need to do that and we need to be talking more, we need to be communicating more, because when you're long distance and you're dealing with these issues and you don't have those ways of connecting, it's almost like every issue that you have is magnified and I felt him pulling away and I felt me pulling away in a sense of like we found more peace outside of the connection with each other and I'm very self-aware. I'm very mindful of that. I'm like okay, so you go to work and you feel great and you feel restored. And you go hang out with friends and you feel great and you feel restored, but when we're spending time together it's like a hassle, it's almost like a gamble. Like I hope we have a good time. That's how it began to be. You know, it was just I hope we have a good time. Like I was literally like praying please let us have a good visit, please let us have a good time.

Speaker 1 8:31

Because it was like I kept thinking, like we need this, we need to have one of those moments that we had in the beginning that allowed us to really connect with each other. We need to have another one of those moments in order to fuel us to stay together. And I felt this sense of urgency, like if we don't have one of those good trips, one of those good moments, one of those good interactions, like we're going to be broken beyond repair. So I was doing everything within my power to manifest that Like what can I do to make him feel good? I was basically in top tier people pleasing mode. I put my personal feelings aside, my desires aside, and I was like what can I do to make him feel good?

Speaker 1 9:15

So when I got to the resort and same thing, the way that they did with my daughter, like they always ask you cause I'm an owner of this resort, um, I'm one of the owners and they were like, are you celebrating any occasion? So if you're celebrating an occasion, they'll go all out for you. So I was like, oh yes, it was my birthday, um, which is not to November, but it was my birthday weekend. And I was like, yeah, we're celebrating my birthday. So when I got there, they put like happy birthday and they put it in little small rocks, little small colorful rocks, and they just put happy birthday on it. And it was so sweet and nice and I literally took all of those rocks and I really put and I redid it, I took, I took happy birthday off of the bed and I put Rose, loves and then my ex's name on the bed so that when he walked in he would kind of see it, and so that was just a symbolic way of, without me really knowing that, I was like, forget the fact that it's my birthday.

Speaker 1 10:17

Like I want my partner to feel good, I want him to feel loved, I want him to feel connected, loved. I want him to feel connected. We need this. So when he came in, I was so eager to like, show him like this you look at the bed and look at these things and we're going to have this amazing time. And we were just not connected and it saddened me. And so one of the things that I said okay, he's not. You know, you can tell cause you know your partner, you can tell if they're feeling connected to you. You know those moments that you had where it's like, okay, like I, like you, I love you, I can see why we're together.

Speaker 1 10:52

And that didn't invoke the moment. So what did it? What was the next thing that we did? I was like, maybe it's just because we physically haven't been together. And so we were intimate and it was me like almost saying like, hey, we, we like I was coming on to him. I was like, hey, we need to connect.

The Breaking Point of a Relationship

Speaker 1 11:16

And so when we were intimate, it was the most unconnected connection, sad, borderline, disgusting interaction that I've ever had as far as sex and intimacy is concerned, and I was like shocked because we weren't. I mean, we didn't even look each other in the eyes like I'm just trying to connect and we, we were there, but not there. I was there and I don't want to say we, because I was there, because I was reaching, I was like we need this, because in the past, like maybe having sex was one of those things where we kind of felt more connected and it scared me, it literally frightened me when we were able to have sex and I felt even more disconnected. I remember that I was like trying to look at him and he wasn't connecting with me and it was kind of like going through the motions, which for me, is the most disgusting act of quote unquote intimacy that you can do is to not be connected during sex. It's to just be going through the motions for the sake of either one of your desires, like oh, I just want to do it because I want to feel good, or just because you feel like you have to like for me, that's a slap in the face, because I feel like if you're with someone, that's one of the tools, especially when you're married, like that's one of the things that God gave us to connect more with each other.

Speaker 1 12:54

And so when that wasn't working, I remember I just laid in the bed and tears started rolling down my face and I was so scared, like my heart was beating so fast. I was like, oh my God, like acts of service wasn't working with meaning. I, you know, put the thing on the bed and sex wasn't working. Physical touch wasn't working, we were not connecting, and it scared me because all of the things that I knew that connected us were no longer there and I was just. I was more. I was just a mixture of scared and sad because I knew it's almost like this. Is it like we're done? Like this is? This is not like a normal PMDD monthly breakup where it's because of a certain circumstance, like this situation happens, so we need to break up, or I'm frustrated, like it was literally, um, we're not connecting and I can't put the. It's like you're plugging up something in the day.

Speaker 1 14:03

It was dead, and so that trip was horrible and he ended up leaving and when he left when he actually left I was sleeping with my daughter. I didn't even sleep in the bed with him that evening because he had. You know, I don't like he did his thing and I kind of like he had. You know, I don't like he did his thing and I kind of like we try to do things as a family. It wasn't working, the vibe was off and so he my birthday was like the upcoming few days and he was leaving and he ended up putting a card on the bed, and that was the last time I saw him was the day before, because even when I slept on the, we had a pullout couch in the living room and that's where I was sleeping with my daughter, because I just was so sad and hurt and I know that it wasn't just me.

Speaker 1 15:00

I know that he had his own experience as to what was going on. I know that it was hard for him. I know that he wasn't getting his needs met, whatever that looked like, and I felt like a failure. So for me as a wife, as a PMDD partner, I felt like I don't have anything else to give you, and I had never felt like that before. I always felt like, oh, if we just do this one other thing. But I lost hope because I felt like I pulled all of the things from under my sleeve and he still wasn't connecting with me. We still weren't connecting. It wasn't just that he wasn't connecting with me, it wasn't working and I didn't have anything else to do. And it's almost like we were going through the motions of okay, we need to talk about this, but every talk ended up into an argument and a fight, and it's almost like the more that was using the tools that used to bring us closer together, the more it was drawing us further apart.

Speaker 1 16:00

And I think I really recognized that one day when he said something about because I used to always complain about his snoring. If you listen to past episodes, you'll hear it, because we have misophonia. If you suffer with premenstrual disorder, we have misophonia, which is a sensitivity to noise. And I kept saying we need to do something about this only because not because of just the snoring, but because it got to a point where we couldn't sleep in the bed together. Like we couldn't sleep in the same room because the snoring was so bad and it was so magnified for me that I was like I want to be able to sleep in the same room with you, I want to be able to sleep in the same bed with you, but because of this, like we can't. So, like this is like needs to be a top priority. And he made a comment and said, like I may get that fixed, but it may or may not be while I'm with you, and I was literally like when would you ever not be with me?

Speaker 1 16:58

Like I recognized that the comments that were being made were being made as if we were one day not going to be together, and when I recognized that he had allowed himself to go there rightfully, so he wasn't happy I wasn't being or doing or all the things enough for him. And I get that because I really understand that I felt like I had a clear picture over the years of the kind of individual that he needed to be with, not just wanted to be with, needed to be with. And I think as time went on I saw that I was not that person and I was mad at myself that I couldn't be that person that he wanted me and or needed me to be. Like what I was doing was not enough. And I felt like I could clearly see because you know, being a psychologist, being a counselor, like you can read people pretty well, I do it with my clients. But even having a partner, like you can kind of envision like, oh, if they had this kind of person, like they would probably be happier, they would probably be more fulfilled or they would like.

Losing Hope and Making Peace

Speaker 1 18:13

I had a clear vision, like if I separated the fact that I was his wife and I really just thought about, okay, who is this person and what is it that they need? And I mapped it out, you know, wrote it out and all the things. I processed it, which I did. I thought about him a lot. I thought about him a lot when I made the decision, because I was the one that made the decision to end the marriage, to end the partnership, and I thought about him a lot and I said, because of his sense of loyalty, he might possibly stay in this, even being unhappy, just for the sake of being in it and not being a quitter. That was one of the most admirable qualities that he had, that I loved about him, that he was very loyal and that he wasn't a quitter. And I knew that the end of this marriage would seem like a failure and that's not something that he would ever probably take on.

Speaker 1 19:13

So the turn of that would be oh, I'll just stay with this person so that I'll never feel like a failure, I'll never feel like a quitter, but I'll be unhappy and for me, I value someone who being authentic and being free to be and be whoever they truly are and do whatever and I don't want to say do what makes you happy, because there's like a lot of reckless things that we can do to make ourselves happy. So I'll never be one of those people like just do what makes you happy, but just do what feels the most aligned with who you are in this phase of your life. That is my key thing. I always want you to do what you need to do for the phase of life that you're in, no matter what that looks like, because anything outside of that is living out of alignment with your person and you're going to resent them and you're going to be bitter and it's not going to be healthy for them and it's not going to be healthy for you.

Speaker 1 20:19

So before I go over the top five reasons for the PMDB breakups, I want to give you mine, and mine was that I genuinely knew my partner was not fulfilled with me. He wasn't happy with me. There wasn't anything left that I could give to invoke that to be there for them. Like, if I feel like I'm waving the white flag and I'm, I was pretty much acting out of character and I was using like, oh, it's because I'm married and I'm a wife and I need to do this and I need to be this version of myself, but I didn't like who I was becoming by trying to be the person that he needed.

Speaker 1 21:04

Now, if I would have acted out of character and I would have done all the things that I felt like he needed me to do and it worked and he was actually fulfilled and he was actually satisfied and he actually felt loved, I would have probably continued to do it because I would have been like, oh, that's what I'm supposed to do, but the fact that I was doing all the things and he still didn't feel loved, that didn't sit well with me because I was like well, what's the point? I'm suffering by not being in alignment with what it is that I want to do, how I want to be, what I want to experience. I'm putting that aside and you're still not satisfied. You still don't feel loved, you still don't feel connected, you still feel like you need more and I'm just not enough, like I. I didn't even need for him to really say it. I just knew it, because I knew what it felt like, what it looked like when he was happy, when he was fulfilled, when we were, we were very much in love and even when I ended it.

Speaker 1 22:05

I genuinely loved him a lot, like I think that's one of the things that was the hardest for me, because I wasn't saying I don't want to be with you because I don't love you. I loved him a lot, love him a lot, but I also knew that he needed and wanted something different, and it wasn't something that I could pull out of me and and what all I was seeing was like the manifestation of his unhappiness, of his unfulfillment, of his needs not being met, and I couldn't in good conscience know that, hey, I know he's still going to be with me, but his needs are not going to be met, he's not going to be happy, he's going to be going through the motions. I couldn't do that. I don't tell my clients to do that. I definitely don't tell my clients to break up, but I tell them to take a good look.

Speaker 1 22:56

Please, please, please, be authentic with how you're really feeling and allow that to guide your decisions, not for the sake of what you should do based off of some aspects of oh, we should do this and we should do that. How are you really Because for you to live unfulfilled, for you to live without your needs being met, it's like condemnation to suffering. It's like saying, in order to be in this relationship, I need to commit to suffering. I need to say I'm committed to suffering with this person. And what kind of life is that? There's so many things that happen when you're unfulfilled in a relationship and the way that you're when the hope goes down, when the hope is lost. There's so many things that happen in PMDD relationships that affect your mental, physical, emotional health, spiritual health. Like you don't feel the energy to do anything.

Speaker 1 23:50

I was in the most beautiful place here, one of the most beautiful places that I've ever been to, and I was miserable. And I came back a year later and I was kind of, you know, healing a little bit. So it was a very like it was better, but it wasn't there. And now, two years later, it's so peaceful and nothing has changed about this resort, nothing has changed about this country, nothing has changed about this environment. It's literally the state that I'm in and I've healed healing over the last couple of years and I really needed that time. I needed that time to be able to be in a different place, to see things differently, and I do, and it's so beautiful and I'm so grateful that I'm able to be healed in this place, but it took time.

Speaker 1 24:40

Even with dating, it didn't mean that I was ready for was a companion, and I still feel like I'm there. I'm good with a companion, but as far as a serious, committed relationship, I have to like I'm working on that. I'm working on being the version of myself who desires that and also who values that in a sense of like next steps. But I think it's very important to really monitor your healing process after going through a breakup and then what you're really ready for, because I don't want to force myself into something and then all of the unhealed parts of myself from this past relationship two years ago comes out and I project that on another person. That doesn't deserve that.

Speaker 1 25:46

So let's get into now that I made it on the other side of really making peace with the breakup, in a sense of I'm hoping and praying that he's happy and fulfilled and has joy and love in his life and that he has all the things that he desires and deserves. I has joy and love in his life and that he has all the things that he desires and deserves. I hope that for him all the time, cause that's what he deserves and I feel like we all deserve to be in a place where we are getting what we're, what we're putting where we're signing up for. I sign up to be. No one signs up into being in a relationship to suffer. You sign up to feel supported. You sign up to feel loved and adored and cherished and all of those beautiful things, and I think when you notice that those things are gone, you really need to be very serious and mindful of either how to start the process of getting them back or making a decision that's going to allow you to be in that place. And so if this is something that you're working through right now and you're like we're really working through a hard patch and we keep having these PMDD monthly breakups, but it's kind of feeling like it's a little bit more than that, that's a sign to get help.

Speaker 1 26:52

And especially if you know that PMDD is one of the biggest things that is causing a lot of the suffering in your relationship and it's very cyclical, that's one of the first signs. So the first reason is a cyclical breakup, a lot of the breakup threats. You're threatening to break up every single month and you get emotionally exhausted. This is what a lot of my clients have dealt with when they first come to me is that they've said the breakups. It's not woken the partner up to make the changes that they feel like needs to be changed. And so you're threatening to leave the relationship during the luteal phase or maybe another phase of the cycle, as an impulsive reaction to the symptoms and the way that they're really affecting the relationship.

Top Five Reasons for PMDD Breakups

Speaker 1 27:29

And over time, partners start stop taking the threat seriously or they feel worn down from them. They're like, oh, let me guess you want to break up again, and so when the real breakup happens, you don't have any energy left to recover. That's what happens when you have a lot of these cyclical breakups, because you're constantly telling your partner that you want to break up, you don't want to be with them, you're not satisfied, they're not supportive. You deserve better than this. You deserve better than this, they deserve better than this. Maybe they would be better off without you, all of these things. And then when your partner says no, for real, I really don't think that this relationship is healthy for the both of us, because you're so emotionally exhausted from the cyclical breakups that have been happening every month. Every that have been happening every month, every two months, every three months, you don't have any energy left to recover. You don't even know where you would begin because every single time that your partner has been doing this this monthly breakup you haven't taken them serious enough to say, okay, we need to get help. We need to get a session with Dr Rose to where I'm really understanding the root of this Cause. Here's what I want to tell you. This is really good for clients that are thinking about working with me.

Speaker 1 28:42

A lot of times, by the time you've gotten to the point where you're like, oh my gosh, we really need help, like this is out of my hands. There's been days, months, years of traumatic experiences, of fights and arguments that have happened. It is not going to be cured in one session. It is not going to be healed in one session, because a lot of times when you start doing the work, you need to make sure that you keep going. Otherwise you're going to revert back to how you were before and you could end up worse than you were before, because you start opening up the wounds and the trauma of things that have happened in the past, but there's no continued care.

Speaker 1 29:21

What I mean by that is let's take antibiotics, for example, because it seems like people can understand the physical ramifications of a treatment plan a lot simpler than the mental and emotional that happens with counseling. So if you go to the doctor and they say you have an infection, you never take an antibiotic for one day. So think of this as one session. Oh my gosh, dr Rose, we have all of these things going on from all of the like. When you first come on a session with me and you unpack a lot of the things that have gone on, there are multiple avenues that need to be approached one at a time so that you're not overwhelmed, and so then you're not re-triggered.

Speaker 1 30:02

And coming to me for one session is the equivalent of taking one day of a 10-day antibiotic prescription. There's a reason why they tell you when you take antibiotics, you need to make sure that you fulfill the full 10 days of this prescription in order for you to be healed of whatever infection that you have. Going on, they never give you one dose, because one dose is never enough. You take one dose and then your body has to respond to that and then you're able to take another dose and let your body respond to that. It's the same thing with counseling sessions. We're dealing with things.

Speaker 1 30:39

I'm dealing with them one at a time, one at a time so that you're not overwhelmed, so that we can actually have transformations to where you're not reverting back. It's kind of like if you put a kid on a bicycle and then they take their foot. They're going a little bit and then they take their foot off the pedals. They're going to and they're going up a hill, they're going to roll backwards. This is another example of what can happen when you do one counseling session. You're rolling up the hill and you're like, okay, I'm seeing some momentum, like this tool that Dr Rose gave me is actually working, and then you stop pedaling and you go back downhill and you probably end up, you know, further back than you planned on going, because you've already opened up the wound. So this is why I have my program, which is the PMDD Pyramid Method, where we're meeting three sessions one with you, one with your partner and one together.

Speaker 1 31:31

But a lot of my clients they're monthly. I meet with them every single week because even as we're uncovering things, there's new things that are coming up that need to be addressed. Otherwise you're going to end up in the same spot. So it really depends on how serious you are about your relationship actually repairing versus you putting a band-aid on it, meaning, if you don't take the antibiotics, you put a band-aid on it and hope that it heals. That's what a lot of you are doing. When you're just getting one session with you, you're hoping that the Band-Aid can help stop the bleeding so that you're able to survive one more month.

Speaker 1 32:11

But then a couple months go by and the wound opens back up and then you're ending up in the same spot and you're like oh, I need help again. You need continuous care in your PMDD relationship. You need to be meeting with me at least once a month. I say this to all of my private clients and anyone that's thinking about working with me. I would say initially, when we're working together, once a week. So that way, the tools that I give you, you're able to decide okay, what happened After I started using these tools? What is gonna keep you accountable to keeping that momentum, not just with you but with your partner? What is gonna keep you accountable? Okay, we need to make sure that we do this. We need to make sure that we do that because the tools are all customized to your specific PMDD relationship, so what you specifically have going on.

Importance of Consistent Relationship Support

Speaker 1 33:02

So I'm starting my monthly memberships up again and I can only take a small amount of clients at a time. I cannot accommodate everybody on a monthly basis, which is why I'm opening this up. But you have to make the commitment. You have to make the commitment, the two-month commitment. I am no longer doing it where I'm patching it up for you because it doesn't really serve you, doing it where I'm patching it up for you because it doesn't really serve you. So the individual sessions will be for my private clients that I'm already seeing on a monthly basis and if you just have one issue that you're dealing with and you just need an extra session, that's going to be there for you. If you need an introductory section, that's going to be there for you on an individual basis. Everything else is going to be monthly, because I've seen so much damage being done by this one here and one there, and I don't have in a 90 minute session, I don't have the time to unpack three months, four months, two months, one month worth of issues in one session. It doesn't help you and it doesn't help me give you the tools that are really going to help you get to a different place in your relationship. So that's one of the reasons why this is top reason for the PMDD breakups you get emotionally exhausted and you don't have enough energy.

Speaker 1 34:19

The next thing is unmanaged PMDD rage. I created the course on PMDD rage. I've created the course on PMDD rage and the communication breakdown and the me before PMDD. I do those courses so that you can stop walking on eggshells Like the course that I have. My partner has PMDD.

Speaker 1 34:36

Now what Partners feel like they're walking on eggshells and they get stuck in the pattern of yelling and shouting and shutting down and avoiding important conversations and the blaming and the shaming and the defensiveness and the lack of accountability. These are all things that happen and it just it ends up that you're so disconnected. So now we have the first reason where you're so emotionally exhausted. The next one is you're so disconnected because you've been saying hurtful words that your partner, you know, doesn't even think that you like them anymore, not even mentioning love them, doesn't feel that you like them. So the next reason for the PMDD actual breakups. That way you don't end up getting back together, not a PMDD monthly breakups. You feel unsupported and misunderstood. You're getting to the point where you're feeling like my partner just doesn't get me, like I've been saying the same things again and again and again and they're just not understanding where I'm coming from.

Speaker 1 35:34

And when you feel like your partner doesn't understand where you're coming from, there's a lack of trust and a lack of intimacy. You're feeling like I can't trust you with my real and raw emotions and I can't trust being close to you. Because who wants to be close to somebody that doesn't understand that? Who wants to open themselves up emotionally and physically with someone that just doesn't get them? Maybe they're not trying to get them, and a lot of times, if you feel like your partner is not getting you or they're not trying to get you, a lot of times they have unmet needs that aren't being met, so it makes it harder for them to show up to you on an intimate basis. Like how can I feel like I want to pour into you if I feel like you don't even understand me?

Speaker 1 36:22

And the next thing is like the loss of intimacy. When you have this withdrawal, when you have this irritability, when you have this, you lack the desire to be close to your partner. You don't even want to be close to them. You're spending a lot of times desiring to be further away from them, to them being close together. They feel like they're more like roommates and partners. I got like that with my ex and it was not a good feeling to have, because you feel like you're in this place of what's the point of being in an intimate relationship if you're not intimate? I have a lot of friends, I don't need to be living with one, and so you're trying to get to this place where you want to meet your partner's needs and you want your needs, but your needs haven't gone anywhere. Your partner's needs haven't gone anywhere, but when you're living like roommates it doesn't feel like you're being partners.

Speaker 1 37:11

And then the next thing is that number five is the resentment You've. You're basically getting into this parenting mode where you feel like more like a parent and I talked about this on a previous episode than a partner, and so you're always reminding them to do things and you're managing them and you're babysitting them during the luteal phase. It's resentment on both sides. You feel like you have another child or, if you don't have any children, you feel like you have a child and so the PMDD sufferer or you as a partner feel like you're controlled. You're controlled, you're unappreciated, you're overwhelmed.

Speaker 1 37:43

And so you say you know what? I would just be better off being by myself. Maybe I should be with someone else. Maybe we're not compatible. And these are the five reasons for the top five reasons from all of my years and years and years of counseling PMDD couples and PMDD partners, sufferers of why you feel like you need to break up. And if this is something that you know that you need help with, go to inlovewithpmddcom, get those monthly sessions. I'm going to put the link here in the show notes and until next time we got this. I love you.