In this episode, I had the pleasure of interviewing Paul Marlow.
Biography
Paul Marlow is the founder of Never Alone. Never Alone is a mental health brand that he started after his father died from Parkinson &; then Cancer. Its growth and community gave him the inspiration to find ways to get better and share those personal insights with the world.. Learn more about how to start your Therapy journey today to better your mental health with the Therapy Hub
Key Takeaways:
Mental health help is no different than physical health help. They are connected in hundreds of touchpoints.
Contact Info:
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/hitallpaul/
Twitter
https://twitter.com/hitallpaul
Linkedin
https://www.linkedin.com/in/paul-marlow-00749260/
Website link
https://weareneveralone.co/hubs/therapy/
In this episode, I had the pleasure of interviewing Paul Marlow.
Biography
Paul Marlow is the founder of Never Alone. Never Alone is a mental health brand that he started after his father died from Parkinson &; then Cancer. Its growth and community gave him the inspiration to find ways to get better and share those personal insights with the world.. Learn more about how to start your Therapy journey today to better your mental health with the Therapy Hub
Key Takeaways:
Mental health help is no different than physical health help. They are connected in hundreds of touchpoints.
Contact Info:
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/hitallpaul/
Twitter
https://twitter.com/hitallpaul
Linkedin
https://www.linkedin.com/in/paul-marlow-00749260/
Website link
https://weareneveralone.co/hubs/therapy/
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
mental health, people, life, day, called, therapy, talk, paul, real, helping, mental health challenges, situation, thought, stigma, physician, problem, bad, breakups, put, anxiety
SPEAKERS
Dr. Tomi Mitchell, Paul Marlow
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 00:08
Hello everyone, this is your host, Dr. Tomi Mitchell from the Mental Health and Wellness Show, today I have the pleasure of introducing Paul Marlow. He is the founder of Never Alone. Never Alone is a mental health brand but he started after his father died from Parkinson's, and then cancer, its growth and community give him the inspiration to find ways to get better and share these personal insights with the world. With no further ado, Paul welcome to the show.
Paul Marlow 00:37
I could tell me thank you so much for having me. And nice intro, and I can't say I've ever had a podcast, I have to say doctor in front of a person named the first time, so this will be a first.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 00:46
Alright, well that's okay. I'm just like anyone else but a little bit more direct? Okay. Well, if you could maybe add more of your like introduction to the listeners, tell them a little bit more about you.
Paul Marlow 00:57
Definitely, definitely. So I'm actually 36 years old. And let's go with this. My life I thought was fine quotation marks until I was 28 and I was kind of really hit with my first mental health episode situation in my life that really shook me and affected me. And that was going through a breakup with a girlfriend at the time, and she had her own mental struggles that she was dealing with. And when we broke up, those struggles were then pushed out on to me what she was going through and I'd never dealt with that before. She had told me about it. While everything was there. I love her. I don't blame her at all. But here I am at 28. And I have next 10 months of my life trying to make sure she's fine. While not knowing how to make sure I'm fine and so stressful that it was ambulances life and death situations, there was a lot of things that came into play that I never thought I'd have to deal with. So this was the first dip into depression, anxiety and fear and overall PTSD symptoms, which I started showing at the end of it all. At that and also while these centers are still involved in my life and my daily hood and waking up and feeling my heart racing when a phone call happens and what not, my diagnosis of Parkinson's disease. And before that he was a very fit healthy man when he was 50, he looked 30, when he was 60, he'll looked 40. He got Parkinson's at like, six, I want to say 68 or so we kind of saw it. And within three months he looked like he was 80 and within six months, he looked like it was 90. So it was just it was such a visual thing for me to see this guy change over months. Shook me to the core. And I just didn't have an outlet to talk to people. I didn't know what to say. And I wasn't confident enough to speak out loud about it. And then eventually him dying within just after a year of him getting diagnosed because of a cancer, which we didn't see was a silver lining because he wasn't living life he wanted to live. But at that time, I started seeing a therapist for the first time between my ex and my father and in that area. Before that I laughed, I judged, I thought I would never be that guy doing therapy. I didn't get it. And here I am today at 36. And I've done let's say four years of therapy over 150 therapy sessions and an MDMA therapy session included in that to really help focus on my PTSD ID, and I'm a total believer in the movement of therapy. Now, I'm also an ex athlete and personal trainer. And I do believe a therapist is just as good as a personal trainer, any other profession that you have. We just don't give them enough time. And we think they're too expensive, but they're not really for what they do for you. That's a side tangent. But with all those things, helping me get better. I started sharing my story online social media, people started listening and messaging me from around the world saying thank you for being honest, open, which was the biggest thing that I saw from people is like your down days are out there. And so your updates, we don't usually see that and social turned into me like how else can I get a community house? Can I get people talk and that's we're never alone came into play. This idea of community I didn't know what it was at the time. And here it is today, an up and coming I would like to say mental health help brand, leading some charts in some areas where people searching for therapy and anxiety help online, out there with Healthline and New York Times in Psychology Today. And what I'm doing with is I'm trying to bring mental health into the branded area. People not be afraid to talk about it as a business. For the sake of I think businesses people relate to that more kids relate to that they don't relate to nonprofits don't relate to doctors always. Unfortunately, I love them dearly.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 04:35
No, that's okay.
Paul Marlow 04:36
I would love for a doctor like you'd be a few more competent, comfortable, whatever it may be online social tik tok, Instagram, but there are reasons why you're not. I'm like, well, if I can create a brand and myself and a community that does that more that can be the middle ground to get that conversation happening and then I pass them off to you because of the stuff I had out there. And I think that's a win so that's that's what never alone is in my mind and why not today?
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 04:59
Well, thank you for sharing, you really made some great points that stuck to me first, I love how you called it a mental health situation. And that's what I actually call it too. Because this whole like stigma of disease and illness, I think it doesn't help the situation, because as long as you have a heart and a mind, at some point, you'll have a mental health challenge, like everybody in this earth, unless you're a newborn, you know, but I'm sure when you're waiting for your mommy to feed you, uh, pretty stressed out. So you had a situation right to cut the BS, let's cut this like stigma. Okay?
Paul Marlow 05:34
I'm 100% with you want that? Like those numbers, just as I had on that pile, like those numbers that like 12% of Americans have had stress in their life or find the hell out here.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 05:45
Thats BS, that's total BS? I don't know anyone who doesn't have a mental health situation. And yeah, those who are hearing, yeah, I'm talking about you. And you and everyone I have met in my entire life who doesn't or hasn't had one.
Paul Marlow 05:58
Exactly.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 05:58
So stop it. It's no different than high blood pressure. It's no different than diabetes. It's no different.
Paul Marlow 06:04
No difference like that gaining a few pounds over a month. I'm really gonna have to work that off. It's a fitness thing, it's a mental health. Yeah, you got to work at it.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 06:10
Yes, thank you. You have to work. I think a thing in life isn't easy. Like y'all so you said you're a personal trainer. And I appreciate that. Because I do believe getting in the gym, I have someone I work with on a weekly basis, who pushes me to deadlift, but I never would have thought in my entire life, I would be doing that. Like I bought memberships and bought for training packages, but didn't go right.
Paul Marlow 06:30
That hurts, you're not a lead person.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 06:32
My stimulus child goes to helping the economy, you know, so that was my contribution. Right? But it's not until for some of us and putting I guess yourself on myself till like poop hits the fan. And then you realize, okay, something's got to give. This is not the way I want to sit the rest of my life. I am way too young. And I'm, you know, in the same age range, you're both not 30. And like life is too short, to be miserable, confused, scared, frustrated, like dealing with these emotions and not know what to do with them and having them come out at bad situations. That's not good. No one is listening. We all have stuff. That's why we have this podcast, the Mental Health and Wellness show. That's why I'm talking about a topic that most us want to talk about, like as a physician in medical school and residency, whenever the general consensus was when they hear mental health patient, it was like a groan. It was like, Oh, not this again. Like that was the attitude in the healthcare system.
Paul Marlow 07:25
I can see that.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 07:26
Right?
Paul Marlow 07:26
Unfortunately, I could. Yeah.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 07:28
Right? And people don't often believe in it. I've heard that too from professionals, they don't really believe in it. They don't really think it sounds real, or the medications really help like from physicians, and that breaks my heart does help just like sunshine and vitamin D helps your mood.
Paul Marlow 07:41
Mm hmm. I'm there for that one.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 07:43
Right? Okay. So yeah, we just got to clear the air there. Okay. And you know, you mentioned that 28 years old, you were hit with that first real major mental health situation with your then girlfriend. Well, isn't it unfortunate many of us the conversation of mental health doesn't really happen until it like hits you in the face. I mean, you don't even know exactly what it is. Then it's like after the outbursts, the breakup, the makeup, the I hate you, you saw, you know, I want to kill you, then it's like, Oh, so that's what it was. It's not just how relationships should be. No, that's called disfunctional. Right?
Paul Marlow 08:18
No, you're right. 100%. And actually, what you just said there, I hadn't thought of that before is how you said, I didn't have my mental health issue until I was 28. And I came into this thing, and I figured out what it was. So that is something that needs to be changed.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 08:30
Thank you.
Paul Marlow 08:31
Because I can't now that I know so much about this area, and I've been through it all and just general learning more about myself is the days where I'm feeling best is where I work most on growing my mental health I work most on it because I can push that anxiety bubble, I can do things I don't wanna do. Because I know it'll make me feel better tomorrow and it will prepare me for my next sign of anxiety in my next down day. Because you can't work on on your shit days. Excuse my language, I hope that's okay.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 08:56
I speak french, thats okay.
Paul Marlow 08:57
Okay. So the thing is like, yeah, it is like that is that thing is if we are too afraid to talk about and share it and go over it and stigma whatever you want to say.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 09:07
Yeah.
Paul Marlow 09:07
You can't prepare for it.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 09:08
Exactly.
Paul Marlow 09:09
Where you can't really prepare for being healthy and fit. But we can watch athletes, we can see commercials, we can do these things that will get us in our mind and head above that time we want to lose weight. We have stuff in our memory bank of like, where to go, who to talk to and stuff we've seen though we can try right away. But there really isn't that for mental health that isn't there for us. And I'm gonna make a pitch here. This is what my idea of never alone is.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 09:35
Go, go ahead. Yeah.
Paul Marlow 09:35
This is my idea for a never alone is like I want to make it a safe comfortable place that is appealing to someone who isn't struggling from mental health that can become because they like me or they like the stuff I'm talking about or just general day to day life stuff makes sense. And they're not worried about anxiety, but they get the general conversation and they're like, I'm going to save this for later in case it does come into my life and I have a place to go back to and I know I caught it well.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 09:58
And can I ask something just to kind of blow everyone's mind here and really opened up perspective. Okay, a lot of people say, Oh, I don't have any mental health challenges. I'm fine. Okay, let's just put that name in the box for now. And let's just call it the symptoms of mental health challenges. It was. Well there. Let's think of obesity. Okay, there's a high correlation with mental health challenges obesy. And guess what? Three quarters of the United States are obese, overweight. It's blowing up literally. Okay. How about all these breakups? How about the breakups serial breakups? You think that's normal bonding for humans? No. How about defeat divorces? Generally divorces are caused by depression postmenopausal women going batshit crazy excuse my French I'm being honest. Men go into andropause, undiagnosed mental health challenges or ADHD partner who doesn't remember to pick up the kids who doesn't remember to get the milk doesn't want to take out the garbage. Let's be real, how cancers if your mental health that you're driving your passion is lacking, you're probably not gonna go to your screening test as much as you should.
Paul Marlow 10:59
True. Yeah.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 11:00
So let's call a spade a spade. All of these illnesses, their symptoms. Mental health is the foundation the fabric to our survival and ability to thrive as human beings. And until we get that together. Good luck solving all the global problems. Do you know what narcissistic personality disorder like leaders do to countries? We're not going to get political, but we know what they do the country. I'm talking about world peace. Okay. You feel me, Paul? That's the mental health situation?
Paul Marlow 11:32
No, no.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 11:33
You wanna have a bipolar leader who was hot and cold one day, passing a new color code. Oh, it's gonna real.
Paul Marlow 11:40
Oh it's for you Americans, like I'm Canadian. But I still have to see it all what you talking about.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 11:45
You want to talk borderline personality disorders? Love hate. Do you want that is your leaders because your teachers, governors, whoever, your parent, you partner, huh?
Paul Marlow 11:54
No, you're right. There's so much out there, everything, everything.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 11:56
Let's be honest, the over emotional, like, oh my god, he said this to me. He so mean, my oh my goodness, oh my worst day of my life, my nail broke. Do you really want that? That's mental health situations. If you break it down what it looks like, it's everywhere. As long as you have a heart, as long as you have a brain you have had a situation. And if you've had the blessing of living, so to this point, in this pandemic, you have had a situation it's called chronic stress. It's called acute on chronic stress. It's called PTSD, whether you want to admit it or not. Because when they say there's a new variant, does your heart go today? Or do you have a collective, oh crap? How's a pep in your step? Are you like, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. Are you just like, that's again, let's keep it real.
Paul Marlow 12:47
That could tell me I like you. I like this.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 12:49
Thank you. This, this is like a stepping stone of 2022. Like for those who are listening, we are recording on the last days of 2021. But I'm going into 2022 of five year like I have put down my vision, my goals on paper. I have said it I have put it out there and we're not, we're not holding anything back. Because we all have our motivating factors why we're doing this you as your father, right? And life, right?
Paul Marlow 13:14
Yeah. Right.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 13:15
And for me, it's my little children, my two little girls, I don't want them to grow up in this like circus called the world we live in.
Paul Marlow 13:22
Let's be honest, that's gonna be a tough one. I honestly, we are not going to make that change. Hopefully they will have a better chance we well.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 13:28
Yeah.
Paul Marlow 13:29
In my mind is you want to prepare them as best as you can. So they can be safe and healthy and be able to deal with the stuff that goes on. Yeah, because we can't stop it for them.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 13:38
Exactly. We, no there's, there's a lot but, but you brought a good point which basically alludes to resiliency and the ability to adapt to change, which is part of life.
Paul Marlow 13:50
Big part of mental health adaption.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 13:51
Right? You have to come to terms with that change is part of live changes product growth. And if we're scared of change, scared of pain. Well, the whole expanse in life is there's some pain, pain is on the spectrum of pleasure, right? Same fibers.
Paul Marlow 14:06
Yeah, I'm learning a lot here. Okay, keep talking.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 14:08
Yeah. So like this when I build checked a little about you before, and I was like, I'm going to enjoy this conversation. We're going to talk real, right. So I see there's no, I don't have to deal with fluffy titles or anything like that is a person who has gone through life has gone through life.
Paul Marlow 14:24
No, that's true. Actually, what you just said was very interesting to people. I used to be afraid of change, change for me up until I had this really down to everything that went through my life was the worst part of those three years. However, it was a big silver lining. It showed me that change wasn't bad. It showed me that failing wasn't bad. And before that, I was afraid of change. I was afraid of failing. And I was afraid of doing things that would help me grow as a person because I didn't think I could succeed in them, the things I never tried, so I didn't know definitely right now as a person who I am talking to you as a I welcome change. I'm ready for it. I'm ready to take it on. I'm ready to fail when it comes so I can learn something and then try again. So yeah, that is a big thing that's crazy said that I hadn't thought of it that way.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 15:10
No, that's okay. It's you know, it's not failure. It's feedback. It's the universe teaching us something. But if we don't take the lesson and learn from it, then I think it's really bad, right? So yeah, it's a process is something that we as adults, and you know, we need to allow ourselves to go through the process of learning and as parents teaching your children to learn to fail gracefully, but I know this is not where we're going. But that's why I have a problem with participation trophies for everything.
Paul Marlow 15:37
I'm with you on that, 100%.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 15:38
Like it just, that's part of reason we have problem we have right now. Coz this trophies. And why is everything a graduation? Really? I know it's cute, the hat cap and gown, but really?
Paul Marlow 15:51
No, there, there's too many trophies to me worth too many cookies, too many stars and badges. To learn how to fail, we have to learn how to lose. Everyone loses in life, you have to learn how to deal with it.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 16:01
Exactly, and that's why in schools there should be passing there should be failed means that you need to try again. Why is everyone passing? Right? Why is there a national day for everything? Like everyone needs a cookie? You know, it's even national farting day. Can you believe that this National Farting Day? Like it's ridiculous.
Paul Marlow 16:18
Honestly talk with you like I'm, I'm down to get rid of a lot of the mental health. I think that I'm, I'm down to get rid of a lot of the Mental Health days that we have national like those worldwide days.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 16:29
Yeah.
Paul Marlow 16:29
I think it's a great conversation to have. But at the same time, we're not using it as a growth. We're using them as ways to talk.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 16:35
A correction.
Paul Marlow 16:35
About all the bad things and the frudge and able to do that. And there's not a lot of positive moving forward happen on these days. It's just bringing it up for the sake of bringing it up and see how many retweets I can get by putting something out there that is actually going to get value. I'm 100% bar for that.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 16:49
Oh, yeah. You know, a lot of millennials not gonna like what we're saying, but we're saying cuz this is new one I heard I was just reading and they're like, employee should give like three or four mental health days during the month, and I'm like, Okay, over the year, I'm like, Okay, before we get to a mental health day, what steps were missed? Why don't we go back? Self Care, accountability, right? Like, is that helping us as a society? Cuz I don't think so. Like you said, all these days, all this? Where are we going?
Paul Marlow 17:21
Instead of giving mental health day where they pay them? I'd rather have every company give their employee a gym membership for the year and pay for that membership for a month. Why don't we do that?
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 17:30
Yes. And also create that workplace of wellness.
Paul Marlow 17:35
Yes.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 17:35
Where actually tomorrow, though, depending on when people are listening to this public radio. I have an article that's coming out in Kevin MD, it's largest physician social media platform in the United States. And I talk about like, I'm just like, this was like me ranting at 10 o'clock at night just typing up this article. And I basically said we've had two years this COVID thing great. Okay, boosters, great vaccinations great. Like I'm for offer. However, going back to the CDC, what are the risk factors for bad outcomes? One is chronic illnesses, age, you can't really change we all know as you get older and want to get to die of stuff. It's life. Right? Hello, but the chronic illnesses when the majority of them are preventable.
Paul Marlow 18:15
Yeah.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 18:15
Bingo. Why don't we deal with that? What if we mandated exercise? Every day like in school? We need a gym back in the day when you did phys ed remember those days?
Paul Marlow 18:26
You actually did does that and did.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 18:27
The burpee challenge or like a minute mile or whatever the hell they made us do remember?
Paul Marlow 18:32
Yeah and you couldn't get out because of the no from your parents. Yeah. Talking about that.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 18:39
Imagine, imagine if they did that. Right? And they took out all the fast food from the schools and they put back in healthy school lunches.
Paul Marlow 18:48
Oh, boy.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 18:49
Regardless of financial background, regardless, whether you're rich poor, doesn't matter. There's no stigma. Everyone gets it, imagine, nutritious milk for breakfast lunch and then a afternoon snack, imagine.
Paul Marlow 18:59
Would be a really good on your healthcare system and cost a lot less than what.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 19:03
Exactly because prevention is better than the cure. But prevention apparently is not sexy enough. But I'm just saying it's big. If we had like go back to the basics, like your personal trainer, you know what happens to the body when you exercise consistently and you give the body the fuel, as I call food is medicine. Right? Yeah, 100%. It means, why we are going back to the basis. Look at the environment. Didn't the bird like be like all happy because he's like, like, in some cities, you couldn't even like LA you couldn't even see like the sky and suddenly it's like, oh, I can see the sky like the smog was gone. And many other countries like birds were coming out barriers or like on the highway, like Oh, Yogi Bear is like, this is pretty cool. Because we went there messing it up. What is nature the world trying to teach us? What are we learning?
Paul Marlow 19:49
That world, would be honest without learning anything. Well, we're not acting out or not having people in the places do the action that we all want to have happen.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 19:55
Yeah, so i'm hoping that the people who are in the places to make changes are listening so I've already called some of them out directly or indirectly, I want you to listen up, we did think about what really matters not what matters for the next election. The next budget like long term thinking, This isn't private sector, we can think of long term budgets don't we? Don't we think of budgets long term more than just four years and we look at we look further down, why can't we look at this on a bigger scale and include mental wellness at discussion that we as long as you breathe and have a heart and a brain that's moving? That's you know, doing this thing, you're gonna have a situation, we all situation, all of us, go figure, it's really simple. It really is.
Paul Marlow 20:33
The actually is. Actually it.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 20:36
Honestly is, like not you could probably give me any problem we have some society to this day, and we can fix it. And just that, just to finish my point about CDC, there are three main risk factors for worse outcomes for COVID increasing age climb diseases, which we know are largely preventable. And third inequality in access to medical care, go figure so it means that the rich have to help the poor and help them to learn to fish and work as a team and then suddenly our problems is just improved. Isn't that we were supposed to learn in kindergarten in the sandbox to share. Oh, I didn't mind kindergarten we want to share, sharing is caring. I don't know, just wondering.
Paul Marlow 21:13
A lot of realness going on here. I didn't know the answer to anything. You just
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 21:20
It's real because you, the talking about a topic mental health awareness, this brand that is like core to my belief system. It's dear to me. That's why I'm going out like as an outline as a physician, like how many physicians are out there talking about mental health? How many physicians dance on Instagram and put poke tik toks and, you know, post videos and try with wheels? Like not too many. So this is how to get to people.
Paul Marlow 21:46
Mm hmm. Okay, then I'm curious me being a guy. I can tell this how you haven't conversation with me. You agree definitely an areas of what I'm doing. Okay. Coz that is I be honest with you, me being not a professional, not done as going for this not running around having people reach out to me for mental health questions and stuff. I've been curious at times. I've been curious, how would it be taken up by some people and how they look at it professionals going through this?
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 21:55
100%. Oh let me just give you some perspective. Myself, I am a board certified family physician, but among the physician circles, I'm not a psychiatrist. Right? So why you talking about mental health? Well, because everyone that comes to my office has mental health challenges, including everyone that's reading on this earth. Anyway, I treat them, okay? So and then how many people with my certifications with MD and certificates with acknowledged will admit that they're human beings and they're vulnerable, very few. Right? So how easy or how comfortable with somebody who was looking at them and thinking I'm just little me how can I tell this person who's never had a bad day my problems? How will they understand versus yourself who's been real. People like Good?
Paul Marlow 22:48
I'm glad you see it that way, too. That's what I've been doing that are not good.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 22:51
That's how I see it. You, you facing awareness. You're not saying I'm gonna diagnose you and prescribe drugs ABCDE, like
Paul Marlow 22:57
Next step on my business plan. Thats what I'm....
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 22:59
Great. Exactly, food and excises does not need FDA approval first like it's not like you need drug ID number drug number.
Paul Marlow 23:13
I'm sure though. Assumption though.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 23:15
Well, yeah, I think I'm, yeah I agree. A little toxic sign on it.
Paul Marlow 23:22
Don't buy this waist trainer coz waist trainer is not gonna help you. Yeah. Things like that.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 23:26
Oh, yeah. Yeah, Mm hmm. Trust me I see that like, Dr. Mithchell what do you think of this vitamins to lose weight, I heard on Doctor something on something show. And like, I don't think it's gonna work and this is white.
Paul Marlow 23:42
Well I'm glad you agree. I'm glad you think that is what I'm going with, especially with a health background, the fitness background, the mental health area, new background is to do those things, I got it, I actually want to get a point where I can kind of shame not shame, but put some eyes on things that aren't actually helpful for people's physical health, which then aren't helping their mental health and.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 24:00
Thank you!
Paul Marlow 24:00
Like I said, be honest, and real.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 24:02
Be honest and real.
Paul Marlow 24:03
That is the goal, I'd, there's too much vanilla mental health.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 24:06
Huh, tell me about it.
Paul Marlow 24:07
Advocates and niches there too, playing it safe, and we're not going nowhere if we play it safe.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 24:12
We're not going anywhere where you're getting going worse. And you mentioned how the physical and mental or emotional goes together, which is amazing. Um, one thing I like to talk about, you know, with my clients is this whole idea of the wellness field, so there's eight parts to it. So when you're looking at mental health, you also have to look at their spiritual health and belief than that which is greater, right, their financial health, environmental living next to like a toxic landmine, their social health, their relationships, physical, intellectual, and emotional. It's the whole package, right? It's like when you buy a car, like I'm not a mechanic, so I could be totally wrong my knowledge, but let's I do drive cars. Okay? Pretty good at that. So when you get new tires, you have to get them balanced, right? They have to push it where I live, it's cold and we sometimes change our tires from winter to summer, whatever or just get all seasons. But the point is they have to balance them so that your car doesn't get jacked up. Right? There's a reason we balance our life. It's not when I say like, it's all one way, it's a balance, it's like a pie, you need a bit of this and bit of this and bit that.
Paul Marlow 25:11
That's hardest part, that's the hardest part, getting people to understand. I believe, when I've come through is my own in the last years, and then also, a course oftraining, it is the balance. And understanding that your balance will adapt and change within three to six months, 12 years, you change, you need to adapt and change that balance as well as you are changing yourself as a human being and can't keep doing the same thing a year from now. You see, I'm doing some good things only, yeah.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 25:38
Exactly. Because we know the definition of doing the same thing over and over again, expecting the same results, insanity. And that's what we see, oh, of course, it's not gonna work.
Paul Marlow 25:47
We can say that, but people dealing with issues is they just like, that worked live for me last time last year, two years ago, I'm gonna do exact same thing again, because I know it worked for me.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 25:56
And might what you might need to change the situation change life changes, the present date changes, just saying.
Paul Marlow 26:03
And be realistic and accept that if that change doesn't work, and you've failed, per say, because it wasn't the same thing, then you have time to learn from that, adapt it and then do something to do along that same error. With a bit of growth into it.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 26:16
Very good. You nailed it Paul, you nailed it.
Paul Marlow 26:20
I'm gonna become, I'm gonna go get my professional license somewhere.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 26:23
Why not?
Paul Marlow 26:24
No, heck no? I don't do like that. No, no, no. That's why, that's why I'm doing it this way.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 26:30
No I'm just joking with you. You should. Yeah, no, don't say it's not everything is.
Paul Marlow 26:35
I'm not good at school. I'm not good.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 26:38
Well, there's different types of school, like some people are book smart, but not people smart and street smart.
Paul Marlow 26:43
I'll leave it to you, you guys are doing the real work. I'm just, I'm happy be that provided a push someone off. I'm happy. I'm happy for it.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 26:49
We are all it's all a team. We all need to do a part to make this better. That's why we're on the same team as team mental health, wellness and the keys we learn we work as a team, not like, oh, oh, they're doing yoga. Well, I believe in the ancient practice of our VEDA, how dare they do that type of whatever? Overthere with their essential oils? Who do they think they are? No, it's a bit of a this is a little bit of that whatever wants to build to get the outcome you need. All right. So let's go back to the movement is never alone movement. I wanna hear more coz I know our listeners are like, okay, let's hear more about this. Paul. Obviously, he's real. So what's your goal? What do you see happening in the future, or in present?
Paul Marlow 27:28
Honestly, what I want, honestly, in real is I don't wanna be called a movement. I don't want to be called nonprofit group, I don't want to be called a mental health support group. Like, I want to be a mental health brand, like GymShark is a physical fitness brand. Nike is a physical fitness brand. You talk about diet, whatever it may be, like, I believe what I think is the issue is people are too afraid to put mental health into an aspect of some sort of making money other than professionals, like therapists, counselors, online therapy now and stuff like that. There's never really anyone taking off. Like, let's make this thing that I'm going to be looking like making off money for someone who has anxiety and depression I'm taking from them. And I believe there's a little bit of stigma from there, especially from someone like me, who doesn't have any background and let's not do any professional work.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 28:20
There's stigma on both sides feel like oh, why should doctors like you're a doctor? Why should this, why you charging? Well, no, I'm working as a coach. I'm working as a teacher, I'm working as a facilitator.
Paul Marlow 28:29
Yeah.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 28:30
It's like, one has to breathe live, pay their bills.
Paul Marlow 28:32
Definitely. And that was my biggest issue. The thing at first I was worried about people would be like, What are you doing this are you just doing to try and make a buck off someone who's feeling down. And I'm glad that hasn't come across that I'm not doing that I haven't had that happen. And where I want to take it is I want to be like the mental health of GymShark I want to be a global brand. That obviously leads with mental health, awareness, health, however it comes off and whatever new wording we have in 5, 10 years, which helps break that stigma takes away that wording that people are thinking this is just a side subject for me, it's not my daily thing. And I want to become a daily thing in their life where they can come and they can be part of the community like a newsletter, and they can watch the Tik Toks that we make and the Instagram stories that we make, and come to the events that are need be put on and wear the clothing that makes them feel like they're part of the community. So they can have this conversation like you and I are having with someone that they don't know about, like the time they went to therapy last week, and they talked about this thing that was like, yeah, that really made me reflect and understand what's going on in my life. And I'm sorry that I acted this way to you like they would go to the gym like I tried this new bicep curl. Have you tried that? Yeah, my arms are burning the killing me this was great. That's awesome. Like, why can't they have the same thing happening there between physical fitness and mental health? They're really just this I want to change that and I want to be the leading brands doing that. And if I can make money and bring on more people, I can't grow it. So I find a way to do that. And I'm leaking this as a business. I'm like, what would think you do? What would GymShark do? That is my lead thought and then I'm thinking how I can bake that for the people and give them actual valuable content not just make clickbait out there so they watch it and they read it and they don't get anything from it.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 30:06
Don't feel bad. I'm gonna say something just as outrageous maybe even more. Over the next Oprah Winfrey of mental health and wellness, right? like.
Paul Marlow 30:13
You could be better than her, please. Because I dont know she's doing as much.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 30:17
Well, she's not on no show like she is. But I mean, she definitely had a lot of clout, the best thing you just have to say it at first, I couldn't even say that. And then I wrote it down. But now I'm like, oh, yeah, sure. That's okay. It's called Personal Branding. There's nothing wrong with that.
Paul Marlow 30:30
I get that. I get that. I couldn't say it a year ago. Now. I'm perfectly, I'm happy, I'm happy with what's happen. Exactly. Thank you.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 30:34
So if you arre listening, Oprah, I go to your show, like watch your shows? I'm like, age six, that little young and come in behind you. But yeah. Do it. Do it? Ofcourse let's get that real. Let's not sugar cone, that's not a sugar cone right? The world needs it. Paul, you'll do the world a disservice. If you don't do what you need to do it. It's your duty. The fact that it was put in your heart and went to this, it is your moral obligation to succeed.
Paul Marlow 30:59
Naive pressure on me. But yeah, I'll take that.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 31:02
But it's true. That's all I see it. So you need to create that platform that but thing, that machine that's just well tuned. That is just refine and that it helps people be the bridge and monetize it. Because people that have been the biggest philanthropist in the world, trust me, they're not broke. Right? They can do lots with the work the world because they have money.
Paul Marlow 31:26
Very true.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 31:26
So where a different? They came from mothers just like we came from mothers, they breath the same air.
Paul Marlow 31:31
Well I got to pay for this because you're helping me out a lot. Am I getting a bill at the end? I will, I understand it, it's an investment, it's an investment in my future and my growth.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 31:41
It's an investment in your future. And you know, here's another truth just to mention investment in your future. Um, the psychology of human beings is that humans don't appreciate free. That's the problem.
Paul Marlow 31:53
That's why I don't mean I'm pro. That's it. We're not, we're not reaching out, you're not gonna reach enough people because they don't respect it.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 32:00
They don't respect free. How many people sign up for a free webinar and don't show up for free?
Paul Marlow 32:06
Very true.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 32:06
Exactly. What if they paid for it? Even if it's 50 bucks or 100 bucks? More likely than not? They will make room for it. So it is you doing them a disservice by continuously charging zero?
Paul Marlow 32:17
Very true, very true. No, I like it. That's good way to put it.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 32:21
So people probably are like, oh my goodness, Dr. Mitchell and Paul were just like, woah captain on fire. I'm just little me in small town Wichita, or whatever. What am I gonna do? You know, you wake up and you're like, Oh, crap. So pandemic Holy crap. And the sad thoughts. What do they do?
Paul Marlow 32:40
They're one day at a time. They're gonna start doing don't don't look too far ahead. Just look on today, what do you need to do today?
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 32:45
Okay, so they step, so they wake up. Okay, let's, let's let's roleplay here.
Paul Marlow 32:49
Alright.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 32:49
They woke up, okay, their eyes, they look around, they're like, Okay, I'm alive. There was no tornado, okay, I'm here, what next?
Paul Marlow 32:56
What next, they're not going to pick up their phone, that's be the newest thing that they're gonna do. Not gonna jump into that wormhole. And that vortex of social media and whatever it may means to them. And what they're gonna do is they're goinna make their bed and then they're gonna go and sit down with a cup of coffee or hot water whatever they have. And this sit in a piece and enjoy it for five minutes, understand where they are and start a morning routine is really what they're gonna do because that's what I did when I was at the worst and I created morning routine and that was really just one of the concrete basis that got me to where I am today. A morning routine.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 33:28
You mean they're not gonna check the latest tumblers or TMZ or CNN?
Paul Marlow 33:31
You were like you do that like honestly like it really messes clicking on there like there's a lot of stuff going on in your brain waiting for that instant gratification or seeing something that stirs the pot that makes you angry because it goes against your beliefs or whatever it may be or an email from someone or text you wake up to and it just like it is not the most peaceful way to get your brain going through the day. Let it kind of wake up let it have a yawn and stretch give it 5, 10 minutes not hour.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 33:56
You mean they shouldn't check how many likes they have in the last post and how many followers? What?
Paul Marlow 34:01
I remember doing that. Yeah, exactly, exactly. No. Yeah that's what I would do if I were down I think that would start something.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 34:07
A routine, no?
Paul Marlow 34:08
Will be a good place.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 34:10
They will dream that parents like give their kids when they're little like it's nap time it's snack time it's quiet time. Is it what you doing well?
Paul Marlow 34:17
I thought exactly like that but yeah, definitely there's still reason they think of that now. Okay?
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 34:20
Oh Yeah there's a reason not work for little people back then. And these little people have big bodies. Wow routine basic. We've all done most of us have done routine at some point right? Uhuh bedtime routine, get ready to school routine.
Paul Marlow 34:34
Speaking of I'm all about the bedroom bedtime routine right now. Yeah better sleeps you work at it just doesn't happen. You gonna do something.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 34:38
You do it doesn't happen by accident by the majority of people and then when you when Yeah, sleep is powerful sleep is restorative. I could talk a lot about sleep. I, I could talk a lot about a lot of things. That's why I have a podcast but yeah there's really so I tell my patients, the bedroom should be only for a few things and they all begin with S. Okay? Let's give him sample, stupid, sleep. There we go. Awesome. So to learn more about this project that you're working on, how do we reach you?
Paul Marlow 35:16
Well, they can reach me online on my social media platforms at Hi tall Paul, I just got hacked on Instagram. So I completely lost that one. So I had to change everything
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 35:25
Ah, sorry.
Paul Marlow 35:26
Which is actually great. Instagram is just a big cycle one energy drain. So I'm actually kind of happy about it. So hi tall Paul, and my new instagram and twitter. Actually, Twitter's my most active. And then you can learn more about all this stuff I talk about to my website at www.weareneveralone.co. And there's just a new therapy hub, which actually I just published in the last week. I don't know if you saw Dr. Tom. But it is a landing page full of informational articles about full of articles for them are for people who haven't started therapy questions that they have before going to see a therapist questions that they might have during their first therapy session questions they might have how to break up with a therapist because you can and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Coming from a perspective of someone who's done therapy before and just giving you general ideas way to loosen your lips, get the conversation going. Because it is very hard sometimes to have this opening conversation with someone you don't know. And then a list of different therapy options that they can try online therapy, talk therapy, group therapy, you name it, and just stuff to make them feel comfortable and go through. So I'd love for people to go read that if they have not therapy before. There's nothing like a New Year New you, go and see a therapist.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 36:36
Yeah therapist is awesome. And you know what, I'm gonna say I talk to therapists. Yeah, Oh, yeah. Wow. It's like have, you know, you want to have a good relationship find that might fit obviously. First week talking...
Paul Marlow 36:48
It takes time.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 36:49
Right? It takes time, but it's like talking to like your best friend, but who actually knows what the hell they're talking about? Because you have a best friend who like oh, yeah, Paul. Yeah, yeah, Oh, yeah. Told me Yeah, yeah, yeah, but telling you a bunch of crap that's not gonna help you. That's the difference.
Paul Marlow 37:04
Yeah, yeah. No.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 37:05
Just, do you really wanna carry all that stuff baggage on your shoulders? No.
Paul Marlow 37:10
Everything. Not even mental health. Just work life, relationships, whatever's going good in your life. You wanna brag to someone you don't wanna brag online and be like that guy.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 37:18
Yeah, no kidding. Right?
Paul Marlow 37:19
There's so many conversations you can have there and just leave feeling happy. Like, okay, well, I got that off my chest.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 37:24
Yeah. And, and speaking of getting off your chest, for the listeners, if you're in a role that you're doing a lot of caring thinking, helping high stress, high trauma, you of all people need to be seeing a therapist, there is a reason why doctors and I'm guess with doctors have been the highest suicide rates out of all professions. And there's a reason soldiers do boom, go figure, just keep it real. You're right. And if you've lived to this pandemic, to this date, the life cleaning therapy, theres saying.
Paul Marlow 37:53
You do some of the to talk to.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 37:57
And there's so many resources, so well, well job calls and information in the shownotes as usual, so you can reach out to the work he's doing I know he's gonna crush it. I make a impact on this earth. And again, he's another example of someone who went through a challenging situation with the loss of a father and you know, challenge relationships, but is making something beautiful out of it.
Paul Marlow 38:18
Thank you, doctor. I appreciate that.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 38:20
My pleasure.
Paul Marlow 38:20
Thank you for having me.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell 38:21
Oh, it's been a blast. So listeners thanks again for sharing the airwaves with us till we chat again in the week or so from now. This is Dr. Mitchell and Paul Marlow from the Mental Health and Wellness Show.