Let's Go To Lunch and Vote (with Andrea Pollack)

This week on the pod, we were joined by a Virginia mom named Andrea. For years, she thought she hated politics — she says it just seemed like a reason for “people to be mean to each other.” But as last year’s election drew closer, she noticed that her friends and family weren’t talking about it. Everyone said they were too exhausted after the first Trump presidency.

Andrea understood the feeling (who isn’t exhausted by Trump??), but she couldn’t stand by and do nothing. So she started a TroubleNation group called NoVA Childless Cat Ladies. At first, all they did was write postcards, but she used those get-togethers to talk about their shared values and how they could support marginalized groups in their area. Now, a year later, Childless Cat Ladies has more than 100 members!

It feels like we were just here — on the cusp of an election, not knowing which way things will go. If you’re feeling a bit of PTSD, you’re not alone. This year’s elections are getting a lot less press and attention than 2024, but local elections are SO important. From the governor and attorney general of Virginia to school boards and mayors and ballot propositions across the country, we have the opportunity to protect our neighbors next Tuesday.  And, as a bonus, we can kick off a blue wave that’ll take us through next year’s midterms.

If you want to join Red Wine & Blue and Heather Cox Richardson for a virtual Love America Rally on Wednesday 10/29 at 7:30pm ET, you can learn more and RSVP here. 

For a transcript of this episode, please email comms@redwine.blue.

You can learn more about us at www.redwine.blue or follow us on social media!

Instagram: @RedWineBlueUSA

Facebook: @RedWineBlueUSA

YouTube: @RedWineBlueUSA

Transcript

How To Not Lose Your Sh!t - Episode 5

Katie Paris: Hi everyone. Welcome to How To Not Lose Your Shit. I'm Katie Paris and I'm the founder of Red Wine and Blue. 

LaFonda Cousin: And I'm LaFonda Cousin, a part-time yoga instructor, self-care advocate, and the chief people officer here at Red Wine and Blue. 

Katie: In a few minutes, we are going to get to hear LaFonda's conversation with a mom in Virginia named Andrea. She's amazing, and she went from thinking that she quote “hated politics” to leading a Red Wine and Blue TroubleNation local group in her town called Childless Cat Ladies.

We have some important elections coming up next week. That's November fourth. 53,000 open seats, local elections all over the country, and Virginia has got some especially important races. So I am super excited for your conversation with Andrea. Thanks for holding down the fort. 

LaFonda: Well, you had a lot going on, so I was happy to do it and my conversation with Andrea was great. Um, I was glad that I got to talk to her. She was amazing and I love the name Childless Cat Ladies, so I got to learn a little bit about her TroubleNation group and how it's grown.

Katie: The names of these local groups all across the country, just give me life. They’re so fun. I think we should have a rule that we only interview the ones with excellent–

LaFonda: –with really great names. 

Katie: Exactly. 

LaFonda: I wanna know how they come up with these. I feel like I'm not that creative. 

Katie: You're creative! You always say that.

LaFonda: No, when I see these names, I'm like, who came up with these names? They're always so good. They're so good. 

Katie: You're gonna create a TroubleNation group one of these days, LaFonda, and I cannot wait to hear what it's gonna be called. I'm gonna be flying to Dallas for the launch. It's gonna be great. 

I do appreciate you covering the interview solo. We did have a, a death in my family, my husband's dear beloved uncle, and so we skedaddled off to Boston to be with family and celebrate his life. And it was hard and beautiful and as hard as his end of life was, I am incredibly grateful that he had access to good medical care and he actually was a doctor himself and trained thousands of people in nephrology. And I am so grateful for that expertise. 

It also feels like I'm gonna lose my shit when I think about how many fewer people could have access to affordable quality healthcare given these cuts that are on the line to premiums for healthcare insurance through the Affordable Care Act that, you know, the government is shut down over. Like, can we just please get this done? It shouldn't be that hard. It's basic healthcare. 

Meanwhile, it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and we have an administration that has been chopping and chopping and chopping from breast cancer research. And LaFonda, it's almost a year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer, right? So I'm, I'm, I'm thinking about, this has been a different breast cancer awareness month for me than I've ever experienced before. It, it, it does feel personal. These cuts feel personal. 

The experience that I had of getting diagnosed at stage one, being able to have successful surgery and radiation and now hormone therapy, my entire experience and how successful it was, was based on the fact that there has been years and years of research that made my surgery shorter. My radiation treatment was able to be more focused based on the latest research. 

And the fact that they are not only cutting the funding for this research, but at the same time saying, “oh my gosh, why are breast cancer rates, you know, going up?” It's a good thing actually that we're having more breast cancer diagnoses. That means we're having more awareness and screening. And the more breast cancer you catch early, the better chance you have of getting rid of it. 

LaFonda: And didn't you know what to ask or didn't you know what test to ask for? 

Katie: Well, the only reason why I knew what test to ask for is because I listened to a podcast that indicated that women who have extremely dense breast tissue need more screening than a mammogram. I found out that because I have extremely dense breast tissue, the mammograms, the 3D mammograms I was getting, that I thought would be enough were not. And so just, you know, I've got the young kids and just to be safe, I'd never asked for an extra test in my life. I decided to ask for this one. 

LaFonda: Mm-hmm. 

Katie: You know, I thought I was just doing that to be safe, but then I, I did get a call, a call two days after the 2024 election actually, to let me know that I did have breast cancer. But I was stage one. You know, there's no way this would've been detected, I've been told, likely for years had I not gotten that MRI.

There's so much that we need to do to advocate for ourselves. We know that, and I learned that in a bigger way than I ever thought I would need to. I mean, I don't know if LaFonda, if you've heard me, heard me do it, but you know how I love to ask any old stranger, “so do you know your breast density?” 

LaFonda: “Do you know your breast density?”

It's because of you that I actually asked at my last mammogram, I was like, “does this show my breast density?” And she was like, “uh, yeah, you've never asked that before.” But I did ask that question because of you. 

Katie: I have a lot of women texting me these days their breast density. I am telling you the, the, the text chats about breast density are on fire.

LaFonda: You never thought you would be the single person that people sent their breast density results to!

Katie: Send them all day! I'll look at your mammogram report. We will see if you are heterogeneously dense or extremely dense, and what we are going to do next. 

I learned in the past week that 39% of women are not even aware of these breast cancer research cuts. So I just, when I think about the, like, the lack of awareness we all generally have about basic things like our breast density, which, you know, we really could be educated on for sure. From, at a much earlier point. And just our primary care doctors making sure we know about all this stuff. Whoever does our mammogram better informing us. It shouldn't have to be this hard. 

LaFonda: I mean, it's, it's not just the cuts to research, but it's the increased cost to healthcare premiums. People don't have what they need all the way around, and so that, I mean, that's enough to piss off anybody, right? 

What I see is people just struggling to understand how they're going to make it to the next day, the next week, the next month, right? Like, am I going to get a paycheck? Am I not going to get a paycheck? We're going into the holiday season, right? Like we've got Thanksgiving coming up, we've got Christmas and Hanukkah coming, and we've got all of these things coming up and people are worried about their regular lives. 

So when you're talking about, you know, just self-care in general, self-care starts to feel like right now just day-to-day care. Waking up in the morning with stress on your mind about what today looks like. If you've got children, how I'm gonna feed those children, you know, what my bills look like, who I have to call to get an extension on lights or credit cards or whatever. That is a very, very stressful place to live in. 

And when you think about why we are sitting in a government shutdown, and it's because of something that should feel so important to everyone who's involved in the government shutdown. It's like… Why, why are we here? You know, access to affordable healthcare should not be the reason we are sitting in the government shutdown, and it should not be the reason that people are waking up every day trying to figure out how they're going to live and afford their lives for the next day, the next week, the next month, going into a holiday season or going into, you know.

It just, it just feels so heavy, and I know that I've got friends that are impacted, whether they have kids or not, it just, it feels hard to think about what they're going through. And there are a lot of places right now that are taking donations. I know that our team talks a lot about mutual aid and what you can do to contribute to your community or do things to help out.

And I, I love seeing communities come together in that way. I think that's the beauty of moments like these, you get to see people come together, but it is really, really hard knowing that people are waking up and going to sleep every day just trying to figure out how they're going to make it. 

Katie: Okay. I need you to rewind because I think that you might have dropped a truth bomb. Survival is the first step of self-care. Unravel this for me. I think so often people think like “I'm just in survival mode. What are you talking about, self-care?” 

LaFonda: You have to, you hear it on planes, you have to put on your mask before you can help someone else. Like if you are not breathing, if you are not taking care of yourself, you can't take care of others.

And so self-care is... I think we overcomplicate it a lot of the time. We want it to be like this really big, mysterious thing or we want it to be like this really big sort of, I don't know, sparkly thing. That's the word that's coming to my mind. This really big shiny sparkly thing, and in moments like these, it really can just be survival. 

It really can just be waking up and saying, “what do I need to put one foot in front of the other today to make it through today? Who can I lean on to get me through today? Who can I call that can get me through today so I don't crumble? So I don't spiral. What is the one win that I need, whether it's to call American Express and they tell me I can have an extension?” You know what I mean? Like what is the thing that I need to survive today that is my self-care. 

Katie: That's beautiful. 

LaFonda: Alright. Now we're gonna take a quick break and when we come back we'll have my conversation with Andrea Pollack.

BREAK

LaFonda: Today we are joined by Andrea, a mom who leads a TroubleNation group in Virginia called Childless Cat. Ladies. Welcome to the podcast, Andrea!

Andrea Pollack: Thank you. I'm happy to be here.

LaFonda: I love the name NoVA Childless Cat Ladies. What inspired that name? 

Andrea: Right? So almost a year and a half ago, last July, right when we were getting ready to form a little postcard group, that was when JD Vance sort of famously recorded saying that people who didn't have children – as he called us, “childless cat ladies” – maybe less deserving of the vote than others. And you know that he was really pushing for an idea where some people ought to get four votes 'cause they have children and they have more of an investment in the country.

And I just thought, “wow.” He was clearly being provocative and I thought, “well I can be provocative too.” So it was definitely meant to be bitchy. Definitely meant to clap back. I think about zebras, they say they're black and white so that when they're in a mass, you can't tell one animal from all the others. So if we all sort of stand next to that scapegoated group, if we all come together next to them, nobody really knows who's what. You don't know if I have a cat. You don't know if I have children. It's none of your business anyway, but we're all here together. You are gonna tell us all we're deserving of less votes than the next person? Come on. 

LaFonda: Yep. No one American’s vote should mean more than the other. And I personally love anytime there is a dig at JD Vance, like that's one of my favorite things happening in the world right now. 

I'd love to hear a little bit about your group, your journey, your group's journey. 'cause you said that you “hate politics.” Um, and also, same. So now you're here, you're leading a TroubleNation group, you're talking about politics with this TroubleNation group. You're getting people moved and active. How did that happen? How did you get to this place? 

Andrea: Yeah, so it was leading into that last summer, I found that everyone around me was so disengaged and still tired out from last time they were dealing with Trump. And people just couldn't face the idea of having to fight, you know, rev up to that level of energy again. And I, you know, I was trying to bring it up 'cause I, I was saying, you know, “I think we gotta do something guys,” you know? And I was getting, “Andrea, I can't, I can't,” and I, I just started to, I, I felt like I was running through the castle and knocking on the doors, you know, trying to wake up the sleeping court. 

I didn't know much about politics. I really never cared for politics. I, I, what I saw as a lay person was just a lot of people being not very nice to each other. Just, you know, what you see of a campaign and it turned me off and I think it probably turns a lot of people off.

LaFonda: Yep. 

Andrea: But then when I look back, I remember even years before that, there was a race here in Virginia where there was a tie, an actual tie in the number of votes the two candidates got. And I, I read about what they were gonna do about it and they said that the law was that the two names would each be placed into separate film canisters. And the film canisters would be closed and put into a bowl and swirled around. And then somebody had the job of pulling one film canister out, opening it and revealing who would be the winner. And I just thought that was bananas. 

LaFonda: Like a random drawing at a carnival, essentially.

Andrea: Yeah, yeah. And it just, it made me start to listen up. One vote definitely counts. If, if we're down to film canisters, one vote definitely counts. So let's, yeah, let's get on, let's, let's round them up, you know? 

LaFonda: So you took that opportunity to pull a group together to get people going and active, and here you are today with the TroubleNation Group. How many people are in your TroubleNation Group, Andrea? 

Andrea: It's I think a little over 150.

LaFonda: That's amazing. That's a, that's a lot of people to get active. 

Andrea: It's a lot of people! Because we were just a postcard group, right. At the time, that was the only action politically I only knew how to take. Well, I tried just saying, “Hey guys, we gotta talk about this.” And that wasn't working. So I was like, well, I can do something. 

So I started to send out letters to my loved ones and the list of what loved ones turned into, you know, almost a hundred people. I was like, if you know me, you're gonna hear from me! And I would just suggest… “maybe you could try this. Have you ever done this? Maybe you wanna try that. Text banking, have you done it? Have you tried this?” And, you know, before I knew it, I was hearing from people that said, “You know, Andrea, I never did any of this stuff, but I did, I did some ballot curing this year.” And “You know, I went and I participated and I was a, I was a poll greeter this year.” And started to hear from people about that. So I just carried that into the group as well. 

LaFonda: I love it. I love it. So our motto, since last year, since last year's election, has been “when they go low, we go local.” And Virginia has some important local races coming up. What would you say to women who might even be just like yourself, who don't consider themselves political, might even say, you know, “I just don't like the political landscape. It just feels so divisive, all of those things,” but they wanna make a difference. They see what's happening and they want to do something between now and next week, November 4th, but they don't know where to start. What would you say to those people? 

Andrea: Just ask! Gosh. Just ask. Just ask somebody that's doing something if you don't know. So if you're not already doing something, ask somebody. I didn't know any of the stuff that we could do, and now I'm like arranging protest events that are really large. So I think we can all do a lot more than we give ourselves credit for.

But every one of us can just pick up the phone and call a friend. Every one of us can send a text and say, “Hey, you wanna go to lunch and vote?” You know, every one of us can call a friend and say, “Hey, I know you've been having trouble getting out. Can I give you a ride over to the polls?” 

And, and if, if a person doesn't know a lot about the candidates and is intimidated by the amount of information that's out there, I say… you know, as I mentioned before, I did not like politics because it seemed like it was a business of professionally being mean to each other. But if someone's already been in an office of any kind, you can just look and see what they did. Or what they didn't do you know.

There's a lot of talk in Virginia about our Attorney General race right now, and we get to choose. You know, one guy is already in that role. He's already just served a couple of years as Attorney General for Virginia. We can all look and see well. Did he fight back against overreach of our government? Did he push back about cuts to Medicaid? Just really looking at their record and, you know, the Internet's right there for you. You can, you can check a few different sources. You can see what's out there. His website… he actually looks like a really reasonable guy from his website.

LaFonda: Yeah. Do your, do your own research, do a little digging. 

We talk a lot in these spaces where it feels like you don't know where you fit in this world of politics and like maybe I'm not the protest girl, maybe I'm not like the standout and scream and hold a sign. Like finding your place in the village. And I think people find, a lot of times, when they run into people like you Andrea, who are like reaching out and being like, “this is the thing that you can do,” that helps.

I think it's important to find your place in the village, especially right now where everything feels so critical. So I love that you have this group that's growing and helping people find really what's, what's their place in the village.

Andrea: I love it too. I can't believe what it's turned into. It's just lovely for me. 

And we are a half hour west of Washington, DC. We have members who are employees of the government. We have people who have not gotten a paycheck lately. We have people who had to go to work and not get a paycheck. We have people who are forbidden from having a public face, having an opinion politically because they could lose their jobs. And I tell them, you know, you know, we just have to, I guess as leaders we just have to find out, “what do you need me to know about you?”

LaFonda: That's so good. “What should I know about you?” That's so good. I love that question. As people come in, I love that question so much, 'cause it's not just, you know, “what are you doing that's helping everything else?” It's also “what can we do that helps you help everyone else?” It's getting to know the people and the heart of people. I love that question so much.

Andrea, before you joined us, we talked about healthcare and how healthcare is being defunded in this country, especially in remote rural areas. And um, I know that your mom lives in rural New York. How do you think that this will impact her? 

Andrea: It's gonna. Many rural places throughout America, really, they lack industry, and as a result, they have a disproportionate population of elderly people. They're disproportionately Medicaid recipients. So the hospitals that those people go to are getting smaller fees for their services and often running just really slim margins or else below. 

And that's the case where my mom is. She… oh my goodness, last summer, 2024, came out of the hospital. She had a list of, you know, now she was getting better. She had a list of things she needed to take care of and we'd been wanting her to follow through with these doctors' recommendations for a long time. She has emphysema and she said, “You know. You're right. You guys are right. And I need to see a pulmonologist. I need to get on, get on oxygen. I need to take care of myself. You know, I have no energy without oxygen in me.” 

So we said, “Yes, let's do it. Let's get it done.” And it was August and the next available appointment was in February! Six months wait to be a new patient. Or a medical specialist that makes it so you can breathe.

LaFonda: That's wild. 

Andrea: It is wild. It really is wild. And so well, February in the Catskills, you might imagine it snowed that day. Now she's on another wait list. It's 2025. She hasn't had that appointment yet. It's now scheduled for February of 2026.  

LaFonda: How is this even possible? 

Andrea: Right? Everyone in the entire community now, they are smaller populations, but everyone in the community that needs that specialist care is on a wait list to see that doctor one day. Then of course, it's gonna be months away. What'll happen when those cuts take hold in New York near my mom? 

And you know, when she was in the hospital this spring, I remember I was reading about the Save Act and I was like, “Oh God, they just passed in the House.” And I, and she was listening while I was reading the news and I said, “You know, the other thing they wanna do, I said, they wanna cut back Medicaid.” And I said, “Do you know what that means? That means this hospital that you're sitting in right now, this could go.” 

LaFonda: Yeah, that actually is like all of that, just, it's infuriating, it's heartbreaking. It's just insane the amount of hoops and red tape that people have to go through in order to get the medical care that they need.

So one, I'm sorry that your mom is having to go through that and that you have to also be a part of making sure that she gets the medical care that she needs. And it's taxing, physically, I'm sure, but also mentally. And so you've got this TroubleNation group. You're also dealing with these things personally and all of that takes a toll: physically, emotionally, all of those things.

And on this podcast we talk a lot about the ability to balance both activism and self-care. Andrea, how do you find that balance between activism and self-care? And it sounds like personal life and self-care? Because we know that it's important to be able to do that in order to keep moving forward, in order to keep finding the energy to do all of the things that you're doing, both personally and the work that you're doing in Virginia.

Andrea: Yeah. I would love to tell you that I've got this all figured out and here's how I do it. 

LaFonda: No one does, no one does! We're not expecting that answer. And if you do, please tell us. 

Andrea: You know what I do? I have this group of people. Because they're not just names on a list. This group of people. They remind me. You know, 'cause they're like, “I see what time your emails are getting sent, Andrea.” 

LaFonda: Yeah. 

Andrea: “Are you getting a break?” You know, and they're, they're reminding me. And I'm going away this weekend with my husband and my son, and I definitely had some plans related to our activism for this Saturday. And I just, I decided to just cancel and not, not even feel bad. Just, you know, “I'm sorry, I have to cancel” and not, not carry guilt over it. Just… you know what? I'm gonna go do this instead. Cause I actually need to refill my cup. You know? 

LaFonda: I love a community that holds us accountable to taking care of ourselves. That is really, really important. 

Andrea: Yeah. And but I think that when you, when you invest yourself, people know you're investing yourself. They see it and they look after you as well. You know, I'm looking after them, they're looking after me.

It happens in my work too. I'm a small business owner and I care a lot about my clients. I take care of them, and every so often I'll say, “oh, actually, I need to cancel this one.” They're like, “Andrea, please go. Please cancel on us. Thank you. Please.” You know? 

LaFonda: “Thank you!” 

Andrea: Yeah. 

LaFonda: I love it. Yeah. I love a community that will remind us that taking care of ourselves is important because we take care of so many other things. 

And it sounds like you have so many things on your plate. You are helping move work forward in Virginia, so we are appreciative of that. You are running a business, you are doing all of the things that we say women do all day, every day to keep this world and our democracy running. So we appreciate that. And you took the time to come and be on our podcast today, so you added one more thing to your plate, and I personally appreciate it! We appreciate you being here with us today, so thank you so very, very much. 

Andrea: Thank you. It's been really nice to talk to you. 

Katie: Thanks to everyone out there for listening today. Before we go, we want to leave you with our self-care tip of the week. All right, LaFonda, bring it. 

LaFonda: All right, so I think this week's self-care tip of the week is going to be to find your person that helps you not lose your shit. Identify your person that you call to help you put one foot in front of the other. If you are waking up today and you just need to make it through the day, like who is your person you are gonna call that helps you not crumble? Identify that person. Let them know that they're your person. 

Katie: Was it your sister for you this week?

LaFonda: That’s most weeks for me, is my sister. 

Katie: Same. Let's give them a shout out right now.

LaFonda: Mm-hmm. Yep. We love y'all! Hey Crystal, I'm gonna call you so I don't crumble. 

Katie: Hey Carly, love you, thanks for answering our phone calls, any hour of the day or night! Absolutely. 

LaFonda: Mm-hmm. 

Katie: Alright. This podcast and all the work we do at Red Wine and Blue is about building community. We'd love it if you could share this show with someone you know, so we can all lose our shit just a little bit less. Thanks for listening and we'll see you next week.