Join The Mr. Rogers Resistance (with Amanda Litman)

Last year, Amanda Litman and her husband hosted a dinner party every Saturday. She was skeptical going into it, as an introvert and the mom of two young kids, but after a just a few weeks she realized it was one of the best decisions she’s ever made.

Not only that, she says it was the most political thing she did in 2025.

To really appreciate that statement, you have to understand that Amanda has devoted her professional life to politics. She’s the leader and co-founder of Run For Something, an organization that helps young and diverse people run for office, and the author of When We’re in Charge: The Next Generation’s Guide to Leadership. She is a Political Person with two capital P’s.

And yet — and yet! — Amanda still says that her 52 dinner parties were more powerful than all of that. Sharing conversations with our neighbors and building community are the most political actions we can take.

We’ve already seen it play out in places like Minneapolis, where neighbors have been supporting each other through the violent ICE occupation. This has been a chaotic and painful year, but folks have been getting through it by extending a hand to their community and asking, “How can I help?”

Okay, so connecting with our neighbors and being kind to each other is political. That makes sense. But… 52 dinner parties? How did she manage it? Did she really cook every week? Did she get help with childcare? Did she agonize over who to invite and the seating plan?

In the end, Amanda answered all of these questions (and more) so convincingly that Katie and LaFonda committed to hosting their own dinner party this month! Check out this week’s episode of How To Not Lose Your Sh!t to learn how you too can join the Mr. Rogers Resistance.

For a transcript of this episode, please email comms@redwine.blue.

You can learn more about us at www.redwine.blue or follow us on social media! 

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Transcript

How To Not Lose Your Sh!t Episode 24

LaFonda: Hi everyone. Welcome to How to Not Lose Your Shit. I'm LaFonda Cousin, a part-time yoga instructor, self-care advocate, and the Chief People Officer here at Red Wine and Blue. 

Katie: And I'm Katie Paris, founder of Red Wine and Blue. 

LaFonda: This week we are joined by Amanda Litman, a mom, author, and the president of Run for Something, an organization that supports young and diverse people running for office. But even though she runs a political organization, she said that the most political thing she did last year was actually host weekly dinners for her friends. 

Katie, we have committed to hosting a dinner each in March. Tell me what you thought of our conversation with Amanda. 

Katie: I mean, any conversation that gets me to make like a hard, concrete commitment at the end of it, like, you know, it's touched something inside of me because 

LaFonda: Yeah.

Katie: I'm kind of already feeling overwhelmed. Busy in my life. As, as a mom, as a woman running an organization with you, it takes up a lot of our lives. But I felt compelled by the end of this conversation, and I'm super curious how many of our listeners will listen to this and come to the same place. I didn't think I was gonna get there. I'm gonna say that outright. 

So, Amanda has held these dinners, she and her husband have hosted them at their apartment every single Saturday night in 2025. 

LaFonda: Mm-hmm. 

Katie: When I first heard this, I was like, I don't know. I'm not sure if I got a little bit of a headache or if I like, kind of felt a little nauseous when I first heard that.

LaFonda: Like overstimulation to me. 

Katie: So like overstimulation for you, like just feeling over-scheduled, like too much programming, was sort of my first reaction, but having talked through it with her, it actually gave me such a different sense of what this was. It was putting structure around something that can feel socially stressful, to take away the stress and just be able to enjoy what you're actually seeking by being social, which is connection with other people. 

And I think she gave us a ton of practical advice. Like I just had a lot of questions about… yeah. I kind of understood maybe the why behind it, but the how felt too much, too hard, like– 

LaFonda: Yeah. And you know, if I said yes and not no that it didn't feel too overwhelming. So if I committed to something it was, it didn't feel like it would take a whole lot outta me. So, I mean, to do one in March feels like, yeah, it feels doable because it didn't feel like, I've gotta plan a menu and I've gotta make sure everything is perfect and I've gotta make sure the people are sitting in the right places and the kids all get, you know what I mean?

It just felt like you could just invite some friends over. Everyone can sit wherever they want. Have conversation for a few hours. That feels doable. That feels like something you would do out of the blue on a regular weekend anyway, so yeah. 

Katie: Yeah, kind of all of the potentially sort of pressure points that I tested out with her, I feel like she just sorta knocked them down. “Nope, that was easy.” “We figured it out like this.” “Figured it out like this.” And it, yeah, like it’s all doable. 

Then there's this like very cool underlying piece behind the why of doing it that just feels really important and a little bit magical and like one more thing that we all could do and like if a lot of us are doing it, maybe it could be revolutionary.

This, this Mr. Rogers resistance, this politics of neighborism, I mean, there's, there's no question that, like the thing, we've said it here before. The thing that people in Minneapolis say about protecting their neighbors, whether you're talking about ICE watch, or you're talking about making sure that people who can't leave their homes are cared for, you can't do any of that if you don't know the people around you, where you live. 

And so forming those connections now, understanding it's not just about like leveling up your activism to prepare by going to a community defense training – that is very important, let's all get trained – but what, what may be even more important is making sure that you know your neighbors and you're reaching out and you're checking on each other. 

And what better way to start than just inviting them over for dinner? Regardless of whether or not they can even make it. Some will be able to, some won't. But the fact that you even asked that feels like a way to strengthen our connections. I just, this, I dunno, this episode, to me, it just turned into like a practical guide to the resistance, like one dinner at a time, you know? And so I'm excited to give people not only the idea, but the tools with this one. 

LaFonda: Yeah. The Mr. Rogers resistance feels like something people are already doing, right? Like you said, in Minneapolis or just like what we at RWB are already doing. I think just building community, staying true to who you are, being nice to people. I mean, if you're in my circle, you probably already love Mr. Rogers and you're probably already a kind person, so you're already doing it, it's really not that difficult, so come to my dinner party is what it felt like today after this conversation. So I'm here for it. 

Katie: Yeah. This is the kind of politics that I wanna be part of. 

LaFonda: Yeah. 

Katie: I and I, I don't know if, if, if, um, my husband or me are gonna be game for cooking dinner i we do this on repeat. I think I'm gonna go lean into like the, the potluck of it all.

LaFonda: Call him up so I can tell him what you signed up for. 

Katie: It's just a lot of cooking, you know. He's gonna be like, “um, we can do pizza and I can order in 15 minutes.” We can do that too. 

LaFonda: It's fine. Everybody's calm down. 

Katie: That could be an option as well. But no, we can mix it up in that way. We do like to cook. Maybe we can see how that goes, but I think again, we gotta let ourselves off the hook and make it easy. Yes, we can order pizza one time. We can do a potluck.

LaFonda: What I heard is there are no rules. There are no rules. 

Katie: Yeah. 

LaFonda: The point is to have people sharing the same space, building community, the rest of it there are no rules.

Katie: Yeah, exactly. Join the Mr. Rogers resistance, y'all. 

LaFonda: I'm all in. All right, well, let's bring in Amanda Litman. 

We are joined by the co-founder and president of Run For Something, an organization that supports young and diverse people running for office. Amanda Litman, welcome to the podcast. 

Amanda: Thank you for having me.

Katie: Okay. Last year you did something, which I'm just gonna outright call revolutionary. Um, and I'm not talking about writing a book or running a political organization because you absolutely did those things. But I'm talking about the fact that you hosted dinner for your friends and neighbors every single Saturday of the year. 

So I just wanna start with like, why, why did you decide to do this? And like how, you know, like I feel like, and you've got kids like I do, like, it's a lot that would just organize your life. And so yeah. Why did you do this and what was involved? 

Amanda: Um, so this was my husband's idea, in winter 2024. At the time we had a 2-year-old and a two month old because my daughter was born September 2024. We were feeling very isolated, very lonely. You know, like new parenthood is very lonely. We had spent much of the year with our 1-year-old and while I was pregnant, um, just like trying to hang out with people because we wanted to get outta the house. Cause that's how we survive with the little kids. 

And it was so hard to make plans. It was so hard to get people to just like chill. So he decided we needed to put some structure around this. He wanted to try and host dinner every Saturday. We were in town in 2025. We sort of modeled it after Shabbat dinner. My family's Jewish, our kids are Jewish. But the idea of getting dinner on the table and having people over on a Friday night like felt impossible. So like, okay, we'll do it on Saturday.  And I thought he was crazy. I was like, this is dumb, you are insane, but you are the cook in our home and this is work for you. Like you know, I'm there, but this is really hard on you, so let's try it. 

About a month into January, I was a believer. It was so wonderful to have built in time and structure every week in which we were talking to grownups. We put together a list of every person we knew, every person we wanted to know, every person we kind of knew, but felt like we could credibly send a text message and invite them over for dinner. And we just went down the list. You know, we don't have a big apartment. My kitchen table can comfortably seat six, kind of, um, if you like, scooch the table away from the wall. So we did a lot of meals on our living room floor and on our couches. When the weather got nice, we sat outside on my deck. 

It was chaos. We would've anywhere from one to, I think our biggest meal was like 15 people over. We do it at 5:00 so people could come with their little kids and then still, like if they needed to leave by bedtime. And with the little baby, you know, I had an infant the whole year. We would put her to sleep whenever she was ready and that made things much easier and it was sanity saving last year. 

Katie: Wow. Okay. So many questions. First of all, like, is it new people every week? Are you curating? Are you being like, “oh, well we can't invite Sarah and Suzanne the same week because we know how that's gonna go.” You know?

LaFonda: That was my question. 

Amanda: Um, so we repeated people a couple times. Like we don't know that many people, but I think ultimately we had like 70 or 80 unique adults over and like 40 kids. And we had, I think a total like 140 guests in the course of the year. We curated a little bit. Part of it was like kids approximately the same age or like developmental stage, cause you know, a 5-year-old, 3-year-old, 2-year-old and infant is just like a lot of chaos. And a little bit of like, “do we think these strangers would get along?” But mostly it was based on scheduling and availability. Like if they have us in common, they will probably be fine. 

Katie: Right, right, right. Okay. Another one, so I'm an extrovert. LaFonda, I think definitely classifies herself as an introvert. Where would you put you and your husband on that and what would you say to the people out there who are like, that sounds great for you, but a hundred people through my house?? Like, let's, let's give a little advice along those lines. 

Amanda: So, I'm an introvert. I play an extrovert for work. Like I, I perform this for work, but I, you know, I do it because I'm energized by it in service of the mission. But at the end of the day, I'm like, don't, I don't wanna talk to anyone. The idea of going like a big, rowdy party is… I would rather be home with my pillow and my children and my dog and my books. 

My husband is an extrovert. He's a therapist, spends all day talking to people and he finds it really energizing. I think that also helps in that we can like balance each other out in these spaces and it's a contained time with a limited number of people where you can really have a deep conversation. Because part of the reason that makes going to the big party hard is, you know, you're doing the same seven minutes of small talk over and over again. Whereas when you're sitting with people for dinner for two or three hours, you can really get into some conversation. You really get to know them. 

And it's so nice, especially if you're a parent. You know, so many of our conversations are happening with like, you know, people in the neighborhood, daycare, parents, you know, synagogue, parents, whatever, in five-minute increments while we're chasing kids around the playground. Like you never have a chance to go deeper. 

LaFonda: Totally. 

Amanda: This was an opportunity to really turn those from acquaintances into friends.

LaFonda: One of the things that I thought, one in your Instagram video about this that was so cute is like, sitting outside on your patio and your water pitcher was the formula pitcher. So cute. I was like, that's real life right there. 

Katie: Wait, was there someone there for the kids? Like, okay, if my kids are around and I don't have like a teenager looking out for them, like, I don't know how many uninterrupted conversations I could have. Like how many young kids at a time? And did you have like any childcare management? 

Amanda: No. I mean, my apartment's not that big, so like the kids were always just like, feet away. 

Katie: On laps. Yeah. 

Amanda: Conversations would get interrupted, but also, you know, there's nothing a kid loves more than playing with someone else's toys. So they would go into the girls’ room and play with the toys. Or like, our apartment is set up such that where I'm currently sitting in recording is like also our living room and our deck is right here. So, you know, we would be in one corner, the kids would be in another corner playing, and then when the weather got nice, we could be outside and the kids could be inside. I think the most number of kids we've had is like, eight maybe? 

Katie: Sometimes it's easier too in a group, like they're looking out for each other. And also I kind of love the co-parenting that can emerge when you have like multiple sets of parents. You know, I'm getting somebody's kid a juice box, they're reaching something my other kid can't reach, you know what I mean? 

Amanda: Yeah. Like one parent might have to go into the bedroom and read the book or negotiate the fight or whatever, but other parents can have a conversation. 

We also got really, um, my husband got really aggressive about like, preparing kids plates. So, especially 'cause most of our social circle’s kids are like five and under, so we would make, you know, the plate with the fruit and the cheese and the crackers and the bread and like the whatever, the macaroni and cheese, whatever the kid guaranteed food that they would safely eat. And we would serve that to them right when they arrived.

Katie: Smart!

Amanda: Right at 5:15. Because then you know, one, they make sure the kid eats and if they eat some of the grownup food too, great. But nothing is worse than a hungry 4-year-old.  

LaFonda: Yeah, yeah. Do not want a 4-year-old with a tantrum 'cause they're hungry at all. 

So, I'm curious, did those dinner parties start any new friendships? Did you have people who didn't know each other before and then like they came and they were like, you're kind of cool. And then they left and they started to be friends after that?

Amanda: They did! And it was really nice. And it's also been really nice 'cause now, you know, I would say last year folks did not reciprocate as much. I think they were a little cautious. Or also like, our Saturdays were booked. This year, we've been invited to other people's homes for brunches and for meals and it's been really nice. Like that's, that's how you build the strong ties you need to get through it when shit sucks. 

Katie: Okay. And was your husband doing all the cooking or did we have some potluck situations here? 

Amanda: My husband did all of the cooking. Um, I know guys, I married so well. 

Katie: Good job Amanda. 

Amanda: I'll say this. He finds a lot of joy in it and he got it on a pretty good routine. And some weeks it was, you know, more extensive meals. Others, it was baked, like baked ziti, baked lasagna. We would accommodate, um, dietary restrictions. So basically every Monday, as the correspondence manager for our household, I would send the text message being like, “Hey, confirming dinner Saturday, 5:00 PM, dietary restrictions please note, BYOB.”

So that was the other thing that helped keep costs down on our end. Like we have to eat, we always have to eat. So groceries are what they are. But we don't provide alcohol. Like I'm not a big drinker, my husband just doesn't care. So if somebody wanted to bring booze or wine or beer, like that was on them. Which helped make sure that we didn't have to keep a stocked bar. We didn't have to worry about that. 

Katie: Smart. Another pro tip. Okay, so now I wanna get into the fact that like you, when you wrote about this on your Substack, you talked about it, how you referred to it as actually “the most political thing” you did all year.

Amanda: Mm-hmm. 

Katie: Okay. Now, for folks listening, like that's a surprising comment coming from Amanda because she literally works like day in and day out to get people to run for political office. 

Amanda: Yep. 

Katie: So what did you mean by that? 

Amanda: Building relationships with your neighbors is the foundation of political action. To know the people around you, especially hyperlocal, to know the people that live, you know, we got to know better the neighbors down the hall in our building. To know the people who will be by your side when shit gets bad is how you prepare for political success. I think we're seeing this over the last year, like in LA, in Chicago, in Minneapolis, in Portland, when ICE is rolling down the streets, it's not some national organization like parachuting in. It's a politics of neighborliness. I think that's so powerful. 

So, you know, we didn't set out to take political action. We set out to make more friends and to like give our social life some structure. What resulted was deep ties. Now, you know, in a couple weeks I'm hosting events for various Senate candidates that are coming through who are Run For Something alum. And I have a list of so many more people who I know, like they're looking for political action. They wanna do something or who are thinking about how to get engaged in, you know, city politics or how to do more in our community. It's so powerful and I think it's really like cliche or maybe like kinda cheesy to say, but in a campaign, in political action, in activism, your most important currency is a relationship with others.

Katie: Amen to that. 

LaFonda: Yeah. 

Katie: We believe that around here. 

Amanda: I know you do!

LaFonda: You know, it's kind of the basis of what we do. You also wrote an article recently about how 2026 might be the year of the Mr. Rogers resistance. 

Amanda: Mm-hmm. 

LaFonda: What exactly does that mean? 

Amanda: So this is connected to my theory here about a politics of neighborliness. I think that the moment we are in where people are not liking what Trump is doing, they're not buying what he’s selling, right? They’re not liking living under a hostile asshole dictator. Like it's not fun. Nobody's having a good time. Even the people who might agree with the policies, like, this does not feel good.

Katie: Right. 

Amanda: And there is so much AI slop already on the internet that feels soulless, like it's computer generated trash in a way that I think the backlash to that, because there is always a backlash, is one where people are hungry for authenticity. They're hungry for humanity. They're hungry for connection. They're hungry for analog IRL experiences and for intimacy and vulnerability. 

I think it's really hard, but they want, you know, I joke like the people hunger for Glee. They want millennial optimism. They want joy 'cause it feels good. That is at its core, like, a Mr. Rogers mentality of you wanna treat people like your neighbor and comfort and coziness and, and humanity inside them.

My sort of hot take for 2026 and honestly 2028 is like, especially if you're looking ahead to the presidential primaries, like… I don't know if you guys are familiar with the meme of like, “looks like a cinnamon bun, could kill you”? “Looks like a cinnamon bun, is a cinnamon bun.” “Looks like they could kill you, could kill you.” Like, they look really nice, but they're actually kind of mean, like sharp edged. 

Katie: Yeah. 

Amanda: “Looks like a cinnamon bun, could kill you” is where I think the Democratic party needs to be going, of like cozy, comfy, authentic human neighborliness, but also a sharp knife for accountability. 

Katie: So all of this I feel like is a bridge between… you hosting these dinners, and the day in and day out work you do, you know, your day job as the leader of Run for Something and getting 30 somethings, millennial, gen Z candidates to consider running for office. And it seems like a lot of the things that you're emphasizing in terms of why you did these dinners every Saturday night, in terms of, you know, trying to get to those more authentic connections, like real conversations between people, strengthening those connections between neighbors. To me, I'm just hearing a lot of the same themes that you talk about in terms of why it's important to have more Gen Z and millennial candidates running for office at all levels of government.

So like, talk to us about that, because I think that, I just feel like the longer I hear you make these connections, you're not just talking anymore about like, “oh, we need to have a reflective democracy, so we need more young people in office.” You're talking about something more transformative, and it sounds to me a lot like the reason why you had these dinners, like connect those dots for us.

Amanda: It's funny, the. I'm so on brand in every part of my life. I think that this is such a moment where we are looking for leaders who can make us feel trust. And authenticity and human connection are the building blocks of trust. You cannot vote for someone who is going to be responsible for your healthcare and the cleanliness of your water and how safe your streets are if you do not trust them to do the job. That doesn't mean you need to agree with them on every policy issue to trust them and know them and feel like you know them. 

And in this moment, feeling like you know them comes from, how do you see them on Instagram? How do you see them on your YouTube feed? How do you see them on TikTok? Are you seeing them on social? Are you meeting them at the farmer's market? Do you see them at the grocery store? Like how do you interact with them and are they able to be the same person in all of those spaces? 

And I think in particular, the younger leaders that we have worked with, not exclusively, but have more of a fluency, a comfort with how to show up in all of those spaces in a way that is true to who they are. And part of that comes because the leaders who are coming up now – of any age, but especially leaders are coming up now – know themselves and have self-awareness and have a set of values that they hold dear. And they're able to communicate those values in a way that builds connection. 

And that connection and that trust that people have is how you restore faith in democracy. You believe that the system can work because you trust the people in it and you are seeing how they deliver. I think we are at a moment where the most defining axes of, especially inside the Democratic Party or inside the left, are not like… left or center or moderate versus progressive. Like, who cares. It's about fight versus fold, and authentic versus artificial. And if you are on the fight and authentic side of those axes, you are in the perfect quadrant to lead us forward. 

Katie: So I'm hearing you say that you feel like Gen Z and millennial folks are sort of more naturally prepared. Maybe part of, you know, growing up digital first, you know, to kind of be their authentic self, no matter the medium, and that can feel more forced or inauthentic, you know, for let's say, you know, Baby Boomer aged or older Gen X folks. 

But do you think it is possible, you know, I think we do see examples of Gen X candidates like pulling this off. Like, what advice do you have for people who are listening who are, you know, over 50 years old who are like, “I want that too”? You know? And like maybe just even as a leader in their community, they wanna come across that way much less run for office.

Amanda: Next gen leadership tactics are available to everyone regardless of generation. I think that's an important thing to say. 

Step one is deep self-awareness. Like really understanding not just what do you believe, but why do you believe it. What are the values that you hold dear? What are your non-negotiables? And like, what are your negotiables, but what are your non-negotiables? What are the things that are so important to you as a leader? Whether that's balance or effectiveness or communication or transparency, like whatever it might be. Think about that and think about really clearly. Like, who am I? 

I like to do icebreakers with myself or do personality quizzes online, not because I necessarily care about the results, but the process of asking the question helps interrogate like, what are the commonalities? How would I describe myself? How would my nemesis describe me? How would my mom describe me? How would my partner describe me? What are the overlaps between those? Like, what are the ways in which no matter where I am showing up or having to code switch, or you know, be the more professional versus the more like, you know, at home version of me, what are the things that are in common across that?

Step two is understanding what are you trying to accomplish? What are your goals? You are not a leader, whether it's in your community or a candidate or at work, because you wanna be in charge. I mean, ideally. You are a leader in service of something you are trying to get people to do. Leadership is not about the leader, it's about the people being led. What are you trying to get done? 

Then it's question three. Who does your team need you to be? If you've ever managed people, you know you don't give them feedback the way that you wanna give feedback, you give them the feedback the way they need to hear it. How do you communicate to them in a way that they can understand what you're trying to get done? Like who does your team need you to be? 

Three circles. Who am I? What am I trying to do? Who does my team need me to be? The overlap between those three is what I like to call the “responsibly authentic persona,” which does not mean being fake, and it does not mean being calculating. It means being intentional about who you are and how you're showing up in a way that accomplishes your goals. I think the place where often folks of any age get screwed up is they think authenticity means like thoughtlessness or unfiltered. Authenticity is like… true. True does not mean everything. And I think that discernment is what comes with leadership. 

Katie: Well put. 

LaFonda: It means a lot. I think that we've… I appreciate the idea of pulling away from the performance of politics. Politics has always felt like performance to me. Like you're doing something so that other people do what you want them to do, but it's not necessarily in service of the people. So I love that entire explanation. 

Amanda, what would you suggest to our listeners if they wanted to be more intentional about building community like you did last year? Should they host 52 Saturday dinners? Do they need to run for office? How can they build a Mr. Rogers resistance? 

Amanda: I, of course, encourage people to host more. You know, one of the things that I really like to remind them by myself even is like, it doesn't matter if your house is dirty. It doesn't matter if you have clothes all over the place, or toys are out. It doesn't matter if it's not… I don't have many photos of dinner because my dinners weren't photogenic. There was stuff all over. And I think that also helps establish a tone and a vibe of casualness. Make people feel comfortable. 

So one, like yes, I encourage people to host as much as you feel comfortable with. It requires vulnerability. It's, it's an offer or a bid for connection, and you might get rejected or people might ignore it or flake on it. It's never personal. Even when it feels personal, it's never personal. And I've had to remind myself of that a lot when people, like, miss our text messages or don't answer or like, yeah, you know, we go back and forth in scheduling and then the thread just drops. It's not personal. 

If that is not the right choice for you or in addition to that, yes, of course I encourage you to run for office. It's not too late to get on the ballot in 2026. It's definitely not too early to get started for 2027. But also think about where are the places where you live that you can show up in person in a way that is consistent? Is there story time at the library? Is there like a co-ed soccer team? Is there an event that happens, a trivia night, whatever it might be? Where can you show up in person in a way that is consistent? Because the way in which you build relationships with others is like repeated, consistent interaction. Those weak ties then can become strong ties when you invite someone over for dinner or over for brunch or whatever it might be. 

So it is really cheesy to be like, “just show up,” but oh God, it's 80% of the fight. 

Katie: I love the idea of like a requirement being that these are not photogenic dinners, you know? Like I, I think that would be key in terms of me making a plan around this with my husband. Cause I think sometimes we just put a lot of pressure on ourselves, you know, and then it just feels like too much work, too much lead up to pull off. You can't pull that off every Saturday night.

You know, the other thing I really am gonna take away from this, and I think a lot of people will, is that this is not just for extroverts. 

LaFonda: Nope. 

Katie: You know, that you as an introvert, how much this isn't just about like, busyness and having people come through your house and “Look, we had a dinner.” “Look, we had a dinner.” “Look at me.” It's like the opposite. It's actually like, how about substituting what can often feel like sort of more forced social situations where we end up just having like, “how's the weather? How are your kids?” chit chat, for something deeper and more authentic. 

Which is exactly what, I think, the commonality that introverts and extroverts are seeking. We all want to have that. We wanna be real and have that connection. And you're just setting yourself up for success and doing it. 

Amanda: Like anything else, it's like… going to the gym. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Like once you get moving… I guess it gets hard in a different way at the gym. I dunno, I don't, I haven't worked out in a while. But you build the muscle of how to host. So we now have a really good routine of like, okay, 3:00 I'm gonna vacuum and wipe down the bathroom and like prepare the counters and the tables. My husband is cooking, kids are playing or sleeping or whatever they're doing. 

And we're always like, “God, should we cancel? This sucks. We're not ready. This will be terrible. Like what if they don't like each other?” Like consistent emotional beats every week. 

Katie: Totally. 

Amanda: And then people leave, it's 9:00, the kids are down, you know, we're loading the dishwasher, I'm like sweeping up again. “That was so nice. I'm so glad we did that.” Every week. Beat for beat. Exactly the same. 

Katie: That is true about going to the gym. You're like, this is, I don't wanna do this. Every time you're like, oh, that was great. 

Why are our brains wired like that? Like we tell ourselves we don't want to do the thing that ends up… like even reading a book! It's like, “that's a lot of pages,” you know? But then you get so into it and you're so glad you did. 

Amanda: It's not embarrassing to have a system for it. Sometimes I feel kind of silly being like, “oh, what we do is we host every weekend.” And also like I put people's birthdays in my Google calendar and it triggers a reminder two weeks before. And like, that's good! It's okay to have a system and to be a little bit rigid about how you maintain your friendships and relationships. You know, like the expression when you’re dating, “if he wanted to, he would”? If it's important to you, you make it a way of life. 

Katie: So, and it's counterintuitive as well, because I think sometimes we think like, “okay, well if I'm going to feel more grounded, more centered, you know, less overwhelmed in my life, I just need to take things out of it. Like not plan.” And, and that's true. I mean, sometimes you do just need to let yourself off the hook and chill. But I think that the counterintuitive thing here is that actually by putting these structures into place, you can do something that maybe on its face feels hard that ultimately is going to feel good for mind, body, and spirit. So I think that's the direct connection. 

You know this, this podcast is called How to Not Lose Your Shit and it feels like these dinners have been a way for you to not lose your shit. I mean, is that, is that ultimately like what other strategies or how would you say, how would you describe this dinner or other things you are doing in the midst of just absolute fucking chaos out there?

Amanda: It was fundamental to not feeling really isolated and lonely, especially with little, little tiny kids. You know, 2025 was a hard year. I work in politics and I have two kids basically 2 and under. I published a book. It was not like an easy, low-key year. And I knew that every seven days for two or three hours, I would have concrete adult conversations in a way that would be connected. 

Was every dinner like the best meal I've ever had or the best dinner conversation? No, some of them were fine. But there was so much honesty and engagement and socializing in a way that felt really good, especially I think after COVID where people kinda lost that muscle a little bit. So getting a chance to rebuild it in a way that feels well felt really structured was invaluable to feeling grounded and sane. 

And it was also, for what it's worth, two to three hours without my phone, which I dunno about you, but I have a hard time when I'm like by myself or even just like with the kids, not looking at my phone. When other people around, we’re engaged in conversation, I feel like an asshole. So I put my phone in the other room. That's good. That's a good thing. 

Katie: Yeah. I love it. I think I wanna make a commitment on the record. 

Amanda: Hit me. 

Katie: Look, I'm, I believe in baby steps. We start, you know, habit formation starts with that first step. Yeah. But and LaFonda, I'm just gonna say maybe, will you join me in this?

LaFonda: Oh, I knew you were gonna do that. 

Katie: You know, you know, I'm coming for you. What, what is a reasonable timeline? Is it in March? Do we wanna commit like we are going to host a Saturday night dinner party in our homes with people that we like have missed hanging out with lately? Maybe combined with one or two new folks?

LaFonda: Yeah. 

Katie: Not gonna put pressure on ourselves in terms of having a perfect house. Not gonna put pressure on ourselves in terms of having a perfectly curated guest list. If somebody we really wanted to see cancels on us last minute, we're not gonna take it personally. What do you think? I think I wanna do, I'm gonna commit to one in March.

LaFonda: I can do that. 

Amanda: I love this. 

Katie: Okay. Okay. And then we're gonna, and then we're gonna report back. We're gonna like be each other's accountability partners. Maybe we'll even text Amanda and let her know.

Amanda: Please.

LaFonda: And let her know that we have hosted a dinner party. It doesn't have to be Instagram worthy. I think that takes the pressure off of other people too, when it's like everything's not perfect, and that means that I don't have to show up perfect. Right? Like I don't have to show up prepared to be on someone's Instagram Live, you know what I mean? Like it takes the pressure off of other people. They can just show up and be authentic. 

Amanda: I often text people like the day of, you know, just, “Hey, here's how you get into our building. Also, FYI, my children are not wearing pants and I'm still in my robe.” Just like, you gotta know what you're walking into. 

Katie: Sets the tone. Yeah. Love it. Alright, let's all do this Mr. Rogers resistance. 

LaFonda: In March. In March, we'll host a dinner party. 

Katie: Love it. 

LaFonda: Thanks to Amanda, I appreciate it. 

Katie: Yeah. Oh, and also get Amanda's book, When We're in Charge!

Amanda: Thank you!

LaFonda: Yes. Yes. Where can we go? So we want to thank you for being on the podcast and inspiring us to host the dinner. Maybe we'll host more than one this year. We never know. We're gonna start with the baby steps, work up to more. But where can our listeners go to learn more about you, Amanda, and your work?

Amanda: Um, I am on all the different social media platforms, just yapping away. Amanda Litman or Amanda Litm. My book is called When We're In Charge. You can get it wherever you get your books or an audio book. Um, and I write on Substack every week. Just amandalitman substack.com. 

LaFonda: Fantastic. Thank you so much.

Katie: Thanks, Amanda. 

Amanda: Thank you.