Wins, Glitter, and Lattes (with Ghiovanna Lora)

“Sin, Glitter, and Lattes.”

That’s what Ghiovanna, owner of Coterie Lounge & Cafe, recently started printing on t-shirts. Her friends and customers love it — not just because it’s a catchy phrase, but because it’s a reminder that community love can defeat extremist hate.

Ghiovanna and her friend Roxie D. Mocracy had already worked together to put on drag shows at her cafe. The community loved the shows, despite being a fairly conservative suburban area, so Roxie and Ghiovanna thought a Drag Story Hour could be a fun new addition. Unfortunately, a right-wing extremist saw a post advertising the event and began coordinating an attack against Ghiovanna and her business.

But Ghiovanna’s community rallied around her. They defended her and Coterie on social media, sold out the Drag Story Hour event (along with the t-shirts), and business has been better than ever. More tourists have started stopping by to buy coffee from her as they drive through the area, and she’s even received messages of support from as far as Denmark and Australia. 

Most importantly, she’s heard from parents in her own community that they appreciate having a safe space for their kids. 

The Drag Story Hour was such a success, Ghiovanna and Roxie have already planned more drag and other LGBTQ-friendly events throughout June — and all year long! Because supporting the queer community isn’t just for Pride Month. It’s for every month.

For a transcript of this episode, please email comms@redwine.blue.

You can learn more about us at www.redwine.blue or follow us on social media! 

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Transcript

How To Not Lose Your Shit Episode 37: “Wins, Glitter, and Lattes (with Ghiovanna Lora)

LaFonda: Hi, everyone. Welcome to How to Not Lose Your Shit. I'm LaFonda Cousin, a part-time yoga instructor, self-care advocate, and the chief people officer here at Red Wine and Blue. 

Katie: And I'm Katie Paris, the founder of Red Wine and Blue. 

LaFonda: This week we are joined by Ghiovanna, the owner of Coterie Lounge and Cafe in Ohio. Her cafe was recently targeted by far-right extremists over a drag hour event, but her community rallied around her in a really, really inspiring way. Katie, you had heard this story before. 

Katie: Yeah. I mean, drag story hour, like anytime that becomes a controversy, I'm just like, "What? Why?" 

LaFonda: This gets people riled up every time. I don't understand. 

Katie: Exactly. I mean, Coterie Lounge and Cafe, I had not actually heard about it until this, quote unquote, controversy. But because her customers and then people all over the country rallied behind Ghiovanna and her small business, that's why I heard about it, and got excited about her, and wanted to follow this story and learn more about Ghiovanna and learn more about her business.

\So this is just such a great example of why it pays to stand up for your values. I mean, I just want every business person, every corporate leader across America to be exactly like Ghiovanna. 

LaFonda: Yep. 

Katie: You know, there is somebody, you know, one of these keyboard warriors who likes to cause the bad kind of trouble in her area decided to target her, target her business, truly thinking that she was gonna shut down this drag story time event. Truly thinking she was going to get people to boycott her business. 

And instead, Ghiovanna, like business is booming 'cause people are like, "Oh, actually, we think it's really cool to create spaces where everyone is welcome."

So yeah, I heard this story, but I had never heard of Ghiovanna. I had never heard of her business, but, you know, then I was so excited to hear when I, when I did hear about this controversy, of course, Bridget, one of our organizers down in that part of the state, she had already organized a Red Wine & Blue event for women to get together and build community in this space 'cause that's what they do there anyway.

LaFonda: Mm-hmm. 

Katie: So I just love that, you know, we're, we're gonna continue to work with her, work with her business. It is such the ray of light that we need in a time of darkness, and I love-- Honestly, I, I, I don't know about you, but I have people all the time who are just like, "Ugh, everything's terrible," and I love being able to point to rays of light like Ghiovanna, because we can all follow her example.

LaFonda: Imagine, imagine the community rallying around a space that is for the community. Imagine the community rallying around a space that is welcoming and for the comm- like, it's one of those examples, it's one of those stories that highlights that we, most of us are on the side of right, right? Most of us want to be on the side of right. Most of us don't defend these crazy people who are just really out to divide everyone, to cause chaos, to make trouble in the bad way. 

This person that, you know, tried to get Ghiovanna shut down, that, you know, tried to get drag story hour shut down just is a miserable person. This is what they do. They move from space to space and person to person creating chaos, and they tried to do this to The Coterie Lounge & Cafe, and that didn't work.

The community rallied around this space, around Ghiovanna, and it didn't, it didn't work. And I think that's a testament to people wanting these spaces. They want community. They want to be involved with something that makes them feel good and accepted and welcome and a part of the light and not the darkness.

That actually stood out to me in our conversation, and it, it feels like a really, really beautiful example of what we talk about every day in, like, why this work is important. Like, there are more of us than there are of them, and that's really important to hear, that she didn't have to do anything, right?

Like, this person came online and said all of these crazy things, and she was like, "I was gonna say something, but, like, I didn't have to 'cause my customers were like, 'We got it. Don't you worry. You just keep doing what you're doing. You serve coffee. You keep this drag story hour going. We got it.'" And that makes me really happy.

Katie: I think the outside world also would assume that this happened in a different kind of place than it actually did. 

LaFonda: Yeah. 

Katie: So don't write off anywhere. 

LaFonda: Yeah. 

Katie: Know that no matter where you live, you are not alone. The space that Ghiovanna has created is, exemplifies that. 

LaFonda: Yeah. 

Katie: Um, so let's, let's hear a good story.Everybody grab your cup of coffee, get cozy, and get ready to hear Ghiovanna's story. It's the first week of Pride Month, it's June, and Ghiovanna is exactly the kind of ally we can all aspire to be. 

LaFonda: Yay. 

Thanks for joining us.

Ghiovanna: Yeah, of course. 

LaFonda: So we first want to talk to you about your cafe. So you own a cafe in Ohio, and it recently went through something pretty insane and intense.

You were planning a drag story time, which we love, and someone posted some really hateful comments about it on social media. 

Ghiovanna: Yeah. So, um, we tend to make events around every little niche you can think of. The word Coterie, which is the name of my cafe, means a gathering of people with the same likes and interests.

So we literally just do events in every category you could possibly think of. We'd already done a ton of drag shows, and I was working close with Roxy Democracy, which is, um, her stage name. And we thought, "Hey, wouldn't it be fun to do a drag queen story time?" And she was like, "Yeah." And I'm like, "Let's do it."

So we scheduled it, and everything was fine. It was up for literally a month before anything was said about it. Um, and then someone made a post, an AI chat post made up about how horrible the event was and that we were all pedophiles, and people needed to wake up and make sure that their kids weren't going to this, and people were horrible parents if they were sending their kids to it.

It was just this really long post. I was on my way to a wedding, actually, and I remember just my stomach just dropping 'cause I was like... Having a small business is hard enough as it is, and I didn't know the person that posted it. Never heard of them before. So I was completely shocked, and I didn't know what was going to come of it.

I had my customers sending me screenshots of the post. They were just like, "Hey, just a heads up. Just wanted to let you know that this is going on. But don't worry, this person has a history. This person, this is what this person does. We've got your back. Just continue to do what you're doing." And it just took about 15 minutes for my customers and my fan base to just take care of everything for me. I didn't have to do anything. 

Katie: I love that so much. Okay, so we do know a little bit about... We had actually heard of this person before because this woman has caused a lot of trouble, and not the good kind, um, in your area when it comes especially to the local public schools. Um, very anti-public schools. I understand actually even had a position on the school board at one point, was so disruptive, had to be removed.

Why do you think that she decided to pick on your event as her next target? 

Ghiovanna: It was just, I think, something for, for her to get people riled up about. She knew that she could have a stance where it would be people being for it and people being against it. I think she's doing it for monetization. I think that's why she goes on there and she clickbaits, and she does things on purpose to get comments.

She was basically trying to get people to boycott my cafe and to stop getting me business, but it did the complete opposite. Um, my customers started showing up so much more. Um, I made a video to go alongside her post. I turned all of her hate comments into a song. That was great. And then, uh, and then we had these shirts made, "Sin, Glitter, and Lattes," 'cause she said that we were, uh, straight-up demonic and wrapped in sin and glitter, and everybody was like, "That's so catchy. You should really use that. You should put it on a shirt." So I did. 

Katie: You are brilliant. 

Ghiovanna: And everybody bought 'em, and, uh, everybody loved the song, and I've had people drive off of road trips to come stop by the cafe. After the show, after the drag, drag queen story time, one of the authors of one of the books that we read, that she also went after, made a post, and he's, like, has a huge following on social media.

I had people from Denmark, from Australia, messaging me and telling me that we had their support and to keep fighting the good fight and to keep staying positive. Buying shirts. I, I literally shipped shirts all over the country. 

Katie: Wow. Okay, so I love how much your community rallied around you, and our listeners might be hearing this and thinking, "Oh, well, she must live in some, you know, super liberal area, you know, where of course that's bound to happen."

But as an Ohioan, I know a little bit about the area where you have your business, and it's pretty conservative. Yeah. Were you surprised to see so many people supporting you? 

Ghiovanna: You know, I, I wouldn't use the word surprise because I've had such a good support since I've opened the cafe. Every single person that walks in is like, "I just don't know how to describe this place. Like, it's just so something. It's so amazing. It's so comforting. I feel like I can breathe in here. This feels like Westchester's living room." Like, anybody who's taken the time to come in has said those things about the cafe before all of this happened. So the more people I got to bring in here, they just got to see what it, what it is that I've been building and what my vision has been, and it's so clearly executed that when you walk in, you feel it.

Katie: Yeah. 

Ghiovanna: So, you know, I was, I was surprised that… Um, it's just kind of what, like, like I've said in the past, like, it's like one of those things that you're working on and you're working so hard that you put your head down and you're grinding and you're just trying to get it all done that you forget to look up.

Well, this event just made me look up and realize that everything that I'd been building had already been built. 

Katie: That's so beautiful. You know, here at Red Wine and Blue, we often talk about how, like, no matter where you live, you are not alone. And I feel like your business is the representation of like, I, I think if your business was built maybe in any community across this country, people would find it and feel that sense of, "Oh, I can breathe here," and find other people who are searching for that too.

You are just the beacon of hope we need right now. You know, people are just like doom scrolling online, and it's so much bad news. It is so easy to think right now that there's nothing good happening. And you are, you and your business and your customer base and all these people all across the country and the whole world who rallied around you, to me are just Such a beautiful illustration of how it's not true.

And if we can remember that and focus on what happened, because I think that what happened around, around this story time- Mm ... I think things like this are happening all over the country. You know? These small acts of resistance and community building, and it gives me so much hope. 

LaFonda: I feel like I wanna go and just, like, sit there and be at a drag story time, and just to be a part of this community, 'cause it feels like a really special place.

You say that it's more than a place to get coffee, it's a community space. I love that. It's a place where everyone feels welcome. It sounds like a really welcoming space, but why was that important for you? Why was that an important community for you to build? 

Ghiovanna: I just, I just wanted that myself. I just, uh, I think it's, has a lot to do with my culture. I'm Dominican, and, you know, that's like, the hospitality thing is the number one thing in our culture. You know, when you walked in, any, any m- any of my friends that I took to my mom's house or I took to my grandma's, they immediately felt like they were home. And there's just something about my family, um, that I've had friends in the past say, "I don't know what it is about your family, it's just, there's just no other family like it. There's no other family like it. When you walk in, you just feel like you've known them forever, and you just feel so safe." And that's just something that I wanted to gift the world. I wanted, I wanted to bottle that up and be able to give it to anybody who walked in through the doors. 

Katie: That's so beautiful. I love how you said... I mean, you're wearing the T-shirt, the Sin Glitter Latte shirt. 

Ghiovanna: I thought it was appropriate. 

Katie: I love how you didn't, you, you didn't, you know, like, hide under the table and, you know, instead you put this woman's words, who tried to attack you, who tried to shut you down, who tried to get your business boycotted, on a T-shirt, and literally sold tons of them. And so in fact, it backfired completely, and it, this whole incident has further built up your business. 

Ghiovanna: Yeah. 

Katie: So do you have advice for others who... Like, you had fun with this, clearly. And we hear a lot about how important joy is in terms of our acts of resistance and standing up to hate. Do you have advice to others about how you found that within you, and how you sort of turned this whole thing around?

Ghiovanna: Well, I really found joy in the fact that I never had to stoop down to her level. I never had to respond to anything. You know, there were, there were a du- dozens of reviews that were left for, about people that had never stepped foot in my cafe, just saying horrible, terrible things. And believe me, I wanted to keyboard warrior them too, and say some things right back to them.

But I just kinda made it a game where I just stayed the high road, you know? I didn't have to say, I didn't have to spew nasty words. I don't have to call, I don't have to name call. I couldn't even do that. I couldn't even do that to somebody that was... Just to type something so hateful to somebody, even though I'm never going to see them, or to say something much less another business.

I mean, these are people that are coming at me, and I couldn't find the gall to write back and say something mean. I just c- I couldn't do it. So I just couldn't believe the nerve that people had. So I just stay the high road. 

Katie: Well, your energy had to go somewhere, and you used it creatively, you know? And, like, you could've, you could've been that keyboard warrior.

You could've been like, "Fact check. Here's the evidence to debunk her claims." 

Ghiovanna: Yeah, because I too, I too have ChatGPT, so I could've made a post just like her. But, uh, I didn't – first, I can't even take credit, honestly, 'cause I, I didn't have to. Like, my customers defended me in a way where I felt safe. I didn't, I didn't feel the need, I didn't s- feel that there was a part left out of the story.

I didn't feel like I needed to say anything because my customers said it for me. My community literally embraced me and took care of me, because I'm too sensitive for this. Like- ... I am, I am way too sensitive for this. I don't wanna hear terrible things said about me. 

Katie: You just gave me the chills, though. Like, that's the power of community, you know? And, like, that just makes, that makes me wanna show up for my people in every way, right? 'Cause you were directly targeted as this business owner. 

Ghiovanna: Yeah. 

Katie: You know? And so to have other people step up in that moment to kinda shield you and make you feel safe is, like, that, that's why, that's why we have community.

Ghiovanna: They did that, and also I've had numerous, numerous people come up to me and s- just to find me in the cafe to say, "Hey, I just wanna say thank you for creating this space. You know, I've, I have a trans son," or, "I have a trans daughter, and because of you I know that there's, this is a place that I can, that I can bring them to. And, you know, thank you for creating that space. Thank you for creating, you know, a space of love." 

Multiple, multiple people stopping me, writing me emails, letting me know, like, hey, I'm not just doing this for nothing. Like, there's, there's people that need this space. There's people that want this space to be around. And as long as people see me, and they know that I'm here, and they're coming to support me, then we can continue to do what we're doing. 

LaFonda: So you're also a woman of color. You're a business owner. You're fighting all kinds of battles just for yourself, and I love this inclusive, welcoming, accepting space where everyone gets to come and feel like they're at home. And you just said, like, all of these people are coming and feeling like this is their special place. Why is it so important for you, though, to stand up for the LGBTQ community? 

Ghiovanna: Um, I th- I haven't really... I, I've never actually looked at it like that. I stand up for everybody. I want everybody to have a space, but that community specifically just doesn't have the option of having that safe space everywhere they go.

You know, it didn't really set out to be something like that, but I wanted everybody to feel safe coming into my cafe and being exactly who they are. Use your pronouns. Be who you are. Tell me who you are. I wanna listen, and, and I, I want, I want to respect that, and I wanna show you that it's not that hard. It's, it's not that hard to respect who you are and what you're doing here and why you wanna be here, and I wanna show you that I want you here. 

LaFonda: That actually just brought tears to my eyes, just because. 

Katie: Yeah. LaFonda, it reminds me of one of my first conversations with you when we talked about, like, you coming to work at Red Wine & Blue, and you're like, "I don't see any of this as political. This is just about being human." 

LaFonda: This is people. 

Katie: It's just people, you know? And it's just, you are such a walking embodiment, Ghiovanna. I think of like, you know, that catchphrase of like, "Everyone's included, no exceptions." You know, but like, truly, like it's sh- it's not that complicated. I love that you said it's not that hard.

Like, why we have, we have so many politicians obsessing over this and making it, like, this web and patchwork of laws, you know, that are, that are hurting kids and it's just like, or we could just not do any of that. 

Ghiovanna: Yeah. Exactly. I mean, I have, I've always said from the beginning that coffee is just the bait. That's my tagline for the cafe. 

LaFonda: I love it. 

Ghiovanna: And that's how I'll, that's how I bring people in. I said from the get-go, like, "Give me your best coffee," 'cause I don't wanna worry about whether it's good or not. Like, "Give me your best coffee, let me serve it, and then let me be able to do what I really want to do," and that's make everybody feel special and everybody feel like they have a place.

And there's something really magical that happens when people can gather around and do the same thing that they love to do together. 

Katie: That's really good bait, I sit here as I hold onto my cup of coffee. 

Ghiovanna: So ironic, 'cause it's my day off and I don't own a coffee maker in my house. 

LaFonda: And that's why you go to the shop and get coffee.

Ghiovanna: I need to go, I need to go to my shop to make myself a cup of coffee, yeah. I've done it before. 

LaFonda: So funny. I love it. I love the idea of community. I love the idea of it being welcome. I love the idea that you are serving a quality product just so you don't have to worry about that, just because you want people to come and have a beautiful, safe, and welcoming space.

And I also love that you've built this beautiful, amazing community, that you didn't even have to stand up for yourself because your people were like, "Absolutely not." 

Ghiovanna: Yeah. They didn't put up with that. I mean, even if I wanted to comment to something, it would be, like, a blink later and somebody would have a comment back. And, you know, I didn't have to say anything, so. 

LaFonda: They were like, "Uh-uh. We got this." 

Ghiovanna: Literally, they were like, "Drop mic." 

LaFonda: Don't you worry. 

Ghiovanna: They got it. Yeah. It was great. 

Katie: I mean, what, uh, also just like how standing up for your values is good for business. I think so often that gets confused, right? 

Ghiovanna: Yeah. I mean, not once, not once did I say, like, "Oh my gosh, should I, should we cancel this? Should we do this? Should we do that?" You know, it was always, it was always to keep going forward and, and do what we're gonna do. 

And it's like, unfortunately, it made the first drag queen story time so anticlimactic. Like, she came in, she read the stories, gave away some toys and prizes, and then I was like, "That's it, guys. It's over." And everybody was like, "Oh, okay. All right. Are you doing it again?" And we're like, "Absolutely we're doing it again!" And that was it. 

Actually, Roxy D. Mocracy is doing another one at Liberty Center. She's doing a, a story time, a drag, drag queen story time at the Liberty Center up the street from my cafe. Gonna be at another location, so you better get- 

Katie: Yeah, get your fingers ready. Fire up that ChatGPT. 

LaFonda: Oh my goodness. 

Katie: Yeah. 

LaFonda: Fire it up. Actually makes me feel sorry for people like her just sit online to be miserable all day. I feel really, I feel really bad for her. 

Ghiovanna: Yeah. I feel, I feel really bad for her. 

LaFonda: Ah, goodness. Well, we are glad that you have built an incredible space, that people are standing in the gaps for you, and that you are doing all of these wonderful things in the community. 

Katie: And listen up, corporate America. 

LaFonda: Yes. 

Katie: When you get attacked, do not run away from your values. Like, do... Everyone be like Ghiovanna, right?

Ghiovanna: Yeah. Be like me. Haha.

LaFonda: Are you listening, Target? Okay. 

Thank you, Ghiovanna, for joining us on the podcast today. It was an absolute pleasure to have you. Good luck to you and your business and your drag queen story times, because they sound amazing. Thank you so much. 

Ghiovanna: Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.