Ever marveled at the morbid curiosity humans have for things that are described as 'rough'? We dive headfirst into this puzzling phenomenon, using the world of fragrances as our playground. Brace yourself for an audacious review of a scent that left us with less than pleasant memories and felt more like a crash at Space Mountain than a Pirates of the Caribbean ride. We also offer our two scents on Tom Ford's Noir de Noir, exploring its gender-bending attributes and recommending a more manly alternative.
Buckle up as we venture into the controversial corners of the fragrance world. We probe into whether there's a market for a Pirates of the Caribbean candle and make a bold promise - we will test Gwyneth Paltrow's scandalous 'This Smells Like My Vagina' fragrance in a future episode. Hold your breath (not literally), as we entertain the idea of an orgasm-inspired fragrance. Don't forget to chime in with your thoughts because we cannot wait to hear them. So, are you ready to spray it up? Keep smelling great and catch you at the next whiff!
Ever marveled at the morbid curiosity humans have for things that are described as 'rough'? We dive headfirst into this puzzling phenomenon, using the world of fragrances as our playground. Brace yourself for an audacious review of a scent that left us with less than pleasant memories and felt more like a crash at Space Mountain than a Pirates of the Caribbean ride. We also offer our two scents on Tom Ford's Noir de Noir, exploring its gender-bending attributes and recommending a more manly alternative.
Buckle up as we venture into the controversial corners of the fragrance world. We probe into whether there's a market for a Pirates of the Caribbean candle and make a bold promise - we will test Gwyneth Paltrow's scandalous 'This Smells Like My Vagina' fragrance in a future episode. Hold your breath (not literally), as we entertain the idea of an orgasm-inspired fragrance. Don't forget to chime in with your thoughts because we cannot wait to hear them. So, are you ready to spray it up? Keep smelling great and catch you at the next whiff!
Hello everybody, welcome to the Cologne.
Myke:Podcast. I'm Mike and I'm Ryan, and we're two best friends. We're going on a fragrance journey. Smelling fragrances and giving you an uneducated opinion that's what this podcast is all about. And today we're going to go on a dark ride.
Ryan:Oh yeah, halloween episode.
Myke:Yeah, this fragrance is by Zyrena.
Ryan:This is supposed to be a fragrance that smells like you went to Disney World and you rode the Pirates of the Caribbean.
Myke:Yeah, I think it's like you were riding the pirates, but maybe your experience waiting in line for the ride, that's the wait in the line part, I think. So Okay, we're going to find out. I actually have a fragrance review. I can read about this specific fragrance. Hit us up. It's from Powder Violet. And, believe me, there was another one I really wanted to read, just because the name was like one guy, one dog and three cats, it's like his name. I really wanted to read that one, but this is a better review. Wow, I actually found this nauseating.
Ryan:I already feel like I'm going to resonate well with this.
Myke:I tried to keep it on long enough to get the whole experience, but I just couldn't deal with the scent beyond about two minutes. I love the idea. There's something nostalgic about the scent of waiting in line for a dark ride. The ET ride that used to be at Universal Studios Hollywood was my personal favorite. This fragrance is not that. I don't find it at all reminiscent of the Pirates of the Caribbean, like other reviewers have mentioned. Maybe if you fell off the boat and into the water and then inhaled a lungful of water. This is permeating rather than atmospheric. Definitely not a blind buy.
Ryan:I feel like you're about to have a dark ride. Yeah, for sure.
Myke:Okay, I was about to say and I almost told you on the phone, but I was like I'll wait, I'll wait for the podcast to say it. The only two notes on this fragrance are ozonic notes and water notes.
Ryan:Oh, so Mike's going to fucking hate this. Yeah, this one could be quite dark For anyone new to the podcast. Mike hates any type of fragrance that has water notes in it. He thinks it smells like a wet dog or something.
Myke:Yeah, on my skin it does, and we're going to smell this fragrance. But first we've got to go back in time to our previous episode and give you further detail on what we felt about Tom Ford's Noir de Noir.
Ryan:Hit the music, Todd yeah.
Myke:One nice.
Ryan:Well, mike, as I Smell this tester strip that's been sitting here for a few days and it smells delicious, by the way yes, it does, and I'll just have to go on record. This is probably the longest lasting time for it I have ever smelled, possibly, so it still smells great. We previously said we both skipped it, though, because we felt like it leaned more feminine and it kind of smelled like nail polish.
Myke:Yeah, which smells beautiful just not on me.
Ryan:So now, after spend the night with said Tom Ford fragrance and waking up disheveled shirt tucked into your zipper, what do you think about this fragrance now?
Myke:I will not deny that the dry down, the far, far dry down, which most Tom Ford's never even sniff, that far into the dry down, true, this one has a long lasting beautiful smell. It gets better, it gets a little bit more masculine. But because it's so strong out of the gate kind of that nail polish a stringent sort of vibe Even though I love the way it smells, I don't think I would be wearing it. I mean, you're going to have to go two hours into the fragrance to really get where all the notes kind of separate and it takes you on the journey Right out of the atomizer. It is just punch to the nose, manicure deluxe.
Ryan:Yes, and there is something really to like about it. If it wasn't on us, if a young lady walked by wearing this, I would think this smells incredible. I mean it does smell incredible, but it's just it's shocking. It doesn't feel like it's lean towards a man really at all. Now that we've smelled it again, you know, yeah, did you see? He had a story with this fragrance? You wore it or something.
Myke:Yeah, you remember, it was the ace hardware visit.
Ryan:Oh, no, no, no, no, I thought before. We've already told that. I thought that you said you had another story with this, like you wore this the other night or something. No, okay, never mind, I'm a fucking idiot. Yeah, okay, okay. So there you go. It's still a skip for dudes and a buy for women, though I would say if you're a woman, you want to smell something unique, and you want to smell unique to others. This is an incredible fragrance.
Myke:If this is a fragrance, as a guy you're very interested in that certain profile. I would recommend checking out Onyx by Aaron Terrence Hughes.
Ryan:Yes, it's done well, so well. Okay, there's our one nice review of Tom Ford's nor day, nor now. It's time to get into the pleasantries of standing in line at Walt Disney World waiting for a dumbass power to the Caribbean ride. And we got a full presentation. So let's say how we got. We should have said this in the beginning of the episode before we jump in and spray this. We got this from a long time friend of the podcast has supported the show in so many ways. We can't thank her enough. We mentioned on the last episode she just had a recent surgery. Everybody thought some prayers for her. Cynthia again, thank you for sending this. She sent this last year. I believe.
Myke:Yeah, well, she sent multiple of these.
Ryan:Yes, I think like four, and these are full presentation. Yeah.
Myke:And they're great. Love the presentation. Well, I love the box. Yeah, the bottle.
Ryan:They didn't spend much money on that, but the box is what sells it, though, for sure.
Myke:So tell them why the box sells it Because it's like an old VHS box, like the plastic ones, if you remember those. Yeah, most of the time your movies that you know Harriet the spy and Nickelodeon type movies came in these and it pops open.
Ryan:That's the movies you were watching when you were younger.
Myke:Of course Harriet the spy, and then on the inside, the bottle is kind of tucked into it and it's rather cheap. I'll let you start, because I'm going to give myself as much distance and as much time without this fragrance on my body as possible. I'm not going to lie, I'm actually pretty scared about this one.
Ryan:I am too.
Myke:I have two client meetings today in Dallas, so I'm going to have to wear this all day. Okay, here we go. God, help us all.
Ryan:Interesting.
Myke:In the air. It's almost got like a licorice smell in the air.
Ryan:Yeah, it's something weird going on. I was actually going to say kind of wrong. It's like a old school pizza hut for a minute, there for a second.
Myke:Oh yeah, I almost got like licorice and mint, but now, whenever I put the card up to my nose, I smell just like a tire shop.
Ryan:I'm not going to lie, it smells kind of musky and dusty. That is kind of a trip, but it's not as unpleasant as I thought it was going to be.
Myke:Oh, is it getting you now? Did it got you? Hold on, get on the skin. Just smell that on the skin real quick.
Ryan:It smells like it smells like a dark ride, all right. It smells like you're just like I don't know. It's like you walked into some old person's house. It's like dusty. I'm telling you it's musky and dusty.
Myke:It smells like a dusty root beer.
Ryan:It almost smells sweaty, like you just walked into a gym. You know, like a dusty, sweaty root beer Dude this shit is rough, but it's not the worst thing we've ever smelled, though. Can we be real about that? Yeah, for sure it's not close, but it is very off-putting. Let me get to the card. Bad skin is atrocious.
Myke:Yeah, the skin's getting bad. On the card it just smells like some sort of rubber thing and a little bit of licorice.
Ryan:God, I can't believe people would wear some shit. Do you think somebody wears it? Or they just get it to experience what this smells like? I don't know. It has a rating system on the bottle, really Okay, like the. Is it rated R or PG-13? Oh, okay, it is. Let me I'm sorry, getting close to the mic and this thing it's rated U for unisex, unisex, yeah. X-ray Deparfarm 50 ML.
Myke:Yeah, it's also right here.
Ryan:Oh, it's on the box and they got a little like it's been at, like the Cannes Fist Festival or something. It was a finalist in 2016. The what?
Myke:Watching you read this makes you look so old. I'm fucking I'm near started Pull your glasses off and squint your eyes that hard. The art and olfaction awards 2016 finalists. Damn Interesting that this got that far because it's.
Ryan:Do you think he really got that or they got that, or do you think they just put that on the box just to be kind of fun?
Myke:Oh, I grabbed the noir. The noir car it's like look it got amazing.
Ryan:I don't like it on the card.
Myke:Oh man, it is so musky on the skin.
Ryan:It is like you walked in. Let me tell you why. This reminds you of an old person's house. Everybody you've known an old person, not, not old people shaming over here, but them motherfuckers are always fucking cold and you know what that means. They've always got that fucking room hot, dude. They've got their whole house hot. You walk in. It's hot, it's muggy, all the dusty shit because they can't get up and dust shit anymore.
Myke:It just smells like an old ass house and it's grossing me out On the card, I can tell what they're trying to do on the skin. It is not communicating the same thing on the skin, it's just like wash me immediately Is what it's communicating on the skin.
Ryan:I bet you're going to be an over sprayer today.
Myke:with whatever you try to layer on, I'm going to be real with you, I've got to wash this off. I can't go into a meeting smelling like this. I can't. It's a little nauseating. Oh, it almost has that sort of vomit accord that that somber had. It's got something. Maybe somebody got sick on the ride, the dark ride.
Ryan:That's rough, dude. Let me get into the price and trend of this bad boy. I feel like I've got it in my taste buds, do you? It's driving nuts. I got to take a drink, hold on.
Myke:Ok, while you're doing that, let me read you this this is on the back of the box, almost like you'd get the description of a movie. Ok, a realistic interpretation of water ride staples like Pirates of the Caribbean, jurassic Park and Splash Mountain. For years, perfume and theme park enthusiasts alike have searched for fragrances that accidentally smell similar to water rides. For the first time ever, the intoxicating, moody scent has been intentionally captured. Dark ride features the familiar note of chlorinated water, a thrilling accord of theatrical fog and pyrotechnics and a hint of atmospheric mildew and damp ozone to create the first thrill ride in a bottle.
Ryan:I'm not going to lie While you're reading that, I could resonate what I'm smelling with a lot of that. It's pretty damn close to that. As a young child, I was taking the Disney World and I did ride the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Ryan had a good childhood. And what about your childhood? Where did your destination land you?
Myke:I remember one time I got dropped off at a supermarket and they just never came back.
Ryan:I can kind of get the vibe of the like dusty chlorinated water kind of thing. That's kind of muggy, you know. Yeah, mildewy I'm now. I had hits, I don't know if I want to say the mildew accord. They nailed it.
Myke:Perfect.
Ryan:I mean thinking back to riding that ride, like yeah, I guess I back and remember not liking that smell. Then I don't know if that's like. I don't know, did people really want to remember?
Myke:that I don't know that. Look, there are things that when you smell it, take you back right. That doesn't necessarily mean you want to wear that smell. Sometimes you just want to smell that smell. Yeah, I, for the first time, I'm kind of going, oh, things shouldn't be a fragrance that you wear. And I'm now going, oh, a nostalgic scent memory doesn't have to be in a bottle anymore. I don't have to spray it on my skin Because it's like, yeah, you could probably walk through somewhere and smell and go, oh, I remember that time in my childhood when my parents loved me and they took me to this thing. Such a great day. But you don't necessarily want to wear that for eight hours on your skin. No fucking way, no way, especially this one. Jesus, I'm crow.
Ryan:Oh, okay, let me get into the pros and trends.
Myke:Price is 95 bucka runes Pretty pricey for me 95 for 50 mil. I bet everybody all over eBay probably got this shit for 40 bucks.
Ryan:It doesn't really say the size, but I think it's 50 mil, but it's 95 on their website, $95. And since then they've actually changed the artwork. The one we have is like an original and it's like a skull with like some type of cobweb fog thing coming off its skull and shit. This one, it's like a cartoony pirate ride kind of looking thing. Oh, that's terrible. This looks way cooler. Yeah, this looks way cooler. I like the original artwork. Yeah, $95, ready for the trend, Actually trending really good. I'm shocked. Trending really good. I saw that trend. I think it's just people are morbidly curious. Yeah, it makes sense. It's like somebody tells you hey, there's a dead body over there and it's really mangled, Don't go look at it.
Myke:You're like I got a look, I actually saw a video on Instagram where they set up and I think it was in like. I think it was in like Brazil. It's just like this big box that says don't look on it, and then there's like a hole for you to stick your face to look like. And oh, they get pied One of the days. That's exactly what happened. They'd stick their face in and get pied and then they'd get so pissed that they were pied when they literally looked into a room that said don't look.
Ryan:Look if there is a head shape hole for you to stick your head in somebody's waiting to pie you.
Myke:You're being pied. Yeah, Dude, there's your.
Ryan:I don't know what kind of pie would you're getting by, dude? What dumbasses.
Myke:God, it's the curiosity man. It killed the cat.
Ryan:Well let's as we've heard you're saying there's some friends that shouldn't be worn, and this is one of them, but we got to ask who the hell is wearing this shit other than Killian Wells out of Austin Texas.
Ryan:God man, I can't believe. There's two killians in the fragrance industry. One makes great fragrances and one makes the rough. Hey, his other stuff may be good, we don't know. Yeah, we've got a few more to smell, but this one is who's wearing who seriously goes? I like this, I want to wear it. Can we decipher that? Can we break that down?
Myke:And find somebody who would actually love this enough to go. This is my signature scent, yeah.
Ryan:Who would want this signature scent? Do you think it's like? Just like somebody I'm just going to? Here's my take. You want me to put my take out Please? Okay, they're 65 years old and they grew up when America wasn't complete shit show and everything wasn't out of whack and cost a shit ton. You could take your family to Disney World, you know you could afford it. Okay, I think like they're reminiscent, they love, they do want to relive that and they're just like I love this smell. For some dumbass reason. That's the only person I could even come close to figuring out.
Myke:I have a feeling this thing is going to last forever. Look at your skin. Look at all the oil on your skin.
Ryan:It looks like we just sprayed it on. Yeah, wow.
Myke:That's definitely an es gré de parfum.
Ryan:Yeah, I don't, I really don't. I don't even know if I'm close to who could be wearing this, but that's the only one, the one that's like. I was a little boy back in the 60s. They took me before the fucking Michael Jackson 3D ride showed up, ruined everything.
Myke:Well, there is one guy who goes to Disney World every day and he vlogs everything about it every day. Wow, he's like made his living doing that. Maybe that guy who is just obsessed and it's like I smell like my favorite ride.
Ryan:Do you think more people are wearing this or experiencing?
Myke:it. That's why I'm like why don't you just make like a diffuser or something?
Ryan:Or a candle there might be. He makes candles. I don't know if he has this one particularly.
Myke:I mean, gwyneth Paltrow is making candles of her nene, you know. I guess you could make one of the Pirates of the Caribbean, is she really? Yeah, we've talked about it before On here. Yeah, her company Goop made a candle. That's literally the fragrance. Is called MyVegina.
Ryan:And it's not just the name, like she's literally saying this is what mine smells like. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, hold on, are you serious?
Myke:I'm dead serious.
Ryan:Hold on, I'm Googling this Goop. Yeah, this is that whole. I'm sticking my head through the power.
Myke:Yeah, yeah, don't look Ryan.
Ryan:Yeah, I've got to look. Hold on guys. Would that be under beauty or would that be under here? Food and home, maybe?
Myke:That classification would be hilarious. Maybe I thought too deep into that.
Ryan:God, what the hold on. Let's see, Goop. I'm going to put candles in Google here. Let's see what we get.
Myke:Just Google MyVegina candle. Gwyneth Paltrow selling a candle that smells like her vagina. This is from the Guardian.
Ryan:No way, she still sells this.
Myke:Gwyneth has made a candle called. This Smells Like MyVegina for her website Goop, and of course it's sold out.
Ryan:Oh, my fucking God, are you ready for this? I'm ready. Hey guys, here's a teaser into one of our next episodes. Holy shit, okay, I'm going to read this off. They have perfumes, dog. They have the. This Smells Like MyVegina roll on. $45 for this shit, woo man. She also has Kiss my Liquid lip balm. She also has. This Smells Like MyOrgasm roll on what in the world. Hey guys, this is a promise I'm about to shell out $45 times two. We're going to smell those two fragrances. I've got to know what this smells like. It is morbid, it's disgusting. I hate myself for even saying this, but we are going to know what that smells like. That is so weird.
Myke:This is probably why this shit has been sold out. Just people going. I got to smell it, I guess. Then here's the scary part.
Ryan:What if it smells good, like it's the fragrance it's not really a body smell. Then what do we do, I feel?
Myke:like I can't even begin to go into the part I'm having right now. They would cancel this podcast, so fast.
Ryan:We're ordering that. We're going to smell that Well for sure. Yeah, it has to be done. Yeah, it's for science, it's 100% for science. I'm not doing it for any weird thing. I'm going to give a fuck about Gwyneth Paltrow. Yeah, although she and Ethan Hawke are incredible in great expectations, 90s classic Robert De.
Myke:Niro I was about to say Niro, on that one Great movie Great story.
Ryan:You know you've read the book. Okay, Fuck all that noise, let's get back to dark ride. We don't know who's wearing it, but we got to ask ourselves are you going to skip it?
Myke:sample it or buy it. What are you going to do, Ryan?
Ryan:I'm absolutely going to skip this.
Myke:Me too. Big time, In fact. I'm going to skip it so hard. I'm going to send this out to a lucky Patreon.
Ryan:You heard it here first, guys. I don't know if you really if it's an award for being a patron, but one of you guys is getting us.
Myke:Somebody's got to be dying to know what this smells like.
Ryan:Yeah Well, good luck to you, sir. It's hard to even like, it's hard to talk about this. We both hate it. It's, it's a hate.
Myke:It's bad. It's not the worst thing we smelled on the podcast, but it's bad.
Ryan:Yeah, it's just not pleasant man. It is so rough on the skin. Cards actually died down. It's like more like for me just old chlorine water which is not appeasing.
Myke:Yeah, it's like if you took a glass of chlorine water and put some black licorice in it. You set it overnight for a year and it grew mold because of the sugar content. That's what it smells like, you know. Yeah, not a pleasant one.
Ryan:Well, guys, if you love today's episode, you know what? Give yourself a pet on the back. You deserve it, because this is, this is a rough one. Yeah, this is our.
Myke:Halloween one. But now you got me curious about a couple of roll on perfumes.
Ryan:Yeah, well, that's. I mean, that's the best thing that came out of. This is smelling something's vagina and the orgasm. That's the next one, guys, the is that do we wait till Halloween next year? No, or should we do that one for Valentine's Day?
Myke:Yeah, that may be it. Actually, you know what that's a dedicated promise. Okay, if that doesn't show up by Valentine's Day, it's because the podcast shut down. Thank you, guys, for checking this episode out. If you can do us one favor, that would be to interact with the podcast on your streaming platform. If that means going and giving a review, if you haven't already, or if you've already done that, you can actually leave comments, specifically on Spotify, about what you thought about the episode. If you can go in, just let us know what you thought, that would be a huge help to us, absolutely.
Ryan:And until next time, spray it up y'all.