The Cologne Podcast

#317 - Patreon Preview: Random Sample Bag 03

• Myke & Ryan • Season 6 • Episode 317

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What happens when a respected professional's 27-year career ends with a single webcam mistake? Myke and Ryan dive into this provocative question as they resurrect the fan-favorite Random Sample Bag segment after numerous community requests.

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CNN Host:

Warning this episode is for sure, 100% not for anyone under 18. Also, this episode was originally meant as a Patreon exclusive, but due to the opening topic the boys talk about, they decided this should probably be a main episode. Enjoy.

Myke:

Hello fellow Patreons. I'm Mike, I'm Ryan and we're two best friends going on a fragrance journey, smelling fragrances and giving you uneducated opinions, and today we're bringing back the Random Sample Bag.

Ryan:

That's right. We had a community chat. You guys said, hey, bring back the Random Sample Bag. Hey, do this. Hey talk about freaking vaginas on that one show.

Myke:

Listen to this oh, oh, my gourd, go ahead. No, go ahead, go ahead. At one time you counted how many were in here. It was quite a bit, yeah.

Ryan:

This is still the original random sample bag, by the way it is. That's how lazy we are. We have yet to fuck with anything in here. Yeah, and we never did anything with it, but let it set to the side.

Myke:

You know how we roll yeah, of course, nothing but pros here, yeah and so we're bringing it back.

Ryan:

We're gonna reach in there here in just a second. But you know, I wanted to really start this off a little bit kind of a twofer, a random sample bag and a little side quest here. Okay, just a minute ago I was talking to mike said dude, let me show you this. I wanted to get your reaction and so I'm going to play you a little snippet here. Okay, play away.

CNN Host:

In October, you were on a Zoom call with your colleagues from the New Yorker magazine. Everyone took a break for several minutes, during which time you were caught masturbating on camera. You were subsequently fired from that job after 27 years of working there and you, since then, have been on leave from CNN. Do I have all?

The Masturbater:

that right. You got it all right, sad to say, okay.

Ryan:

Okay, first off, yeah, yeah, this is on live tv. This is on cnn, yeah, and I think this might have happened a couple years back, by the way, but it's like I never even knew this fucking thing happened. I never knew. This guy jerked it off, he was junking, he was definitely junking right, he was junking away and apparently he was on a zoom call in some meeting. This is you know. This might have been around covet, who fucking knows early, but it's like he worked for 27 years. He gets shit, can for jacking it, yeah, and now he's coming on live tv after seven months of bereavement or something about it?

CNN Host:

yeah, I guess so so let's start there, okay. Um to quote jay leno what the hell were you thinking?

The Masturbater:

well, obviously I wasn't thinking very well or very much, and um it was something that was inexplicable to me, I think one point I wouldn't exactly say in my defense, because nothing is really in my defense. I didn't think I was on the call, I didn't think other people could see me.

CNN Host:

You thought that you had turned off your camera, correct?

The Masturbater:

I thought that I had turned off the Zoom call. Now, that's not a defense, this was deeply moronic and indefensible, but I mean, that is part of the story. Um, and you know, I have spent this seven subsequent months miserable months in my life, I can certainly confess um, here's the worst part of it, right here.

Ryan:

To me, this is the worst part of it.

The Masturbater:

Yeah, go for it trying to be a better person. I mean in therapy, trying to do some public service, um, working in a food bank, which I certainly am going to continue to do, working on a new book about the Oklahoma City bombing but I am trying to become the kind of person that people can trust again. Trust again.

Ryan:

Dude, you just fucking jacked it man who cares?

Myke:

This was the conversation, Look.

Ryan:

Why is this on air?

Myke:

Well, I mean, it's an awkward situation. I'm do you remember the person who they had like a zoom of a funeral? And then they had people, they had huge screens. This was like a big funeral, yeah, and they had huge screens where people could join in on the zoom totally makes sense.

Ryan:

Dead bodies got to see the people there right, right, yeah, they could join in.

Myke:

And at one point a lady had um joined it. She didn't realize that she had kept her camera on and she was taking a shower and like shaving her legs and stuff, damn. And she and she was up on the main the huge screens at this and this church was massive and she's up on there naked during this funeral.

Ryan:

Wouldn't want anybody to be manning the fucking computer. That could be, you know, the admin of the zoom.

Myke:

call Like pull that down. Yeah, it's like some automated thing. So it's part of me is like, yeah, that does suck for everybody. That, you know, is like hanging out eating their sandwich or something waiting to jump back on and some dudes you know.

Ryan:

ho-ho-ho mama ho-ho-ho mama sort of a situation. It's like I don't know man. I mean, it's embarrassing.

Myke:

I mean, should he get fired for it? Yes, what yeah? You still think he should get fired for that.

Ryan:

Yeah, If you still think he should get fired for that. Yeah, If he's like hey guys, I fucked up. Guys, I've been here 27 years. This is the first time you saw me jack off in 27 years.

Myke:

I mean, dude, I think it's. Yeah, I don't think he's like Signore doesn't help him at all here he's fucked. No, oh my God. No, I don't think so. I don't think he needs to be in therapy and earning back the trust of the people and which, by the way, nobody wants your food at the food bank.

Ryan:

We know where your hands have been Exactly dude.

Myke:

Nobody wants you to make it right, even if you touch the gloves before you put them on your hand, you know, yeah, but my thing was like look anybody who's like really taking shots at this guy, take a long hard.

Ryan:

Look in the mirror. I was like what man doesn't it's like wait. I'm just not going to vilify this guy. He served 27 long hard years.

Myke:

You're thinking he should have got some sort of slap on the wrist.

Ryan:

I think him being put on leave for a while. I don't think seven months, I think three, three to six months. I don't think you want to work there anymore well, yeah, after you after you've shown some.

Myke:

Well, if he's willing to, yeah, but think of how awkward it is for janet to walk down the hall and it's like, oh, poor, oh that.

Myke:

There's that guy that I'm just saying, look, it was. If everyone agrees that this was like this, honest mistake that happened. Yeah, I think that's what it was. It was a mistake. I think it was too. I don't think that, like he was, did anything predatory. It doesn't feel like that, at least. But, goddamn dude, get a sticker for your camera or something. You know what I mean. Like, come on, guys, like we know technology at this point, right, just so you guys know when we do our lives.

Ryan:

Before we utter a fucking word, after we hit the in live button, yeah, before we utter a fucking word, mike gets up calmly. Yeah, he walks over, unplugs the ethernet cord, unplugs the microphone, unplugs the Ethernet cord, unplugs the microphone, unplugs the connection to the video camera and then I masturbate. Alright, let's smell this fragrance. We got a good start here.

Myke:

Here's a bag I'm just going to reach in and I'll watch you. Yeah, just to make sure that you know the line. He's got my back, all right, oh, okay, what is it?

Ryan:

replica at the barbers okay, this is a mason margiela. Yes, I have a bad feeling about this. I don't know if you guys remember, but I don't have a good running with mason margiela fragrance.

Myke:

Initially I'm worried it's gonna have that hairspray smell yeah, I guarantee you it is.

Ryan:

I'm calling it right now.

Myke:

It's going to, but by the fireplace.

Ryan:

I've enjoyed quite a bit you and everybody I fucking know loves it it just smells like toasted marshmallows.

Myke:

It smells so good on a woman fuck it, we're going live hmm, you know, what?

Myke:

hmm, I definitely get that barbershop sort of vibe. Yeah, it nails that. That's not bad in the air it does smell. It's got that kind of cheap thing going on though? Yeah, it does. Is that just like a? That kind of cheap thing going on though? Yeah, it does. Is that just like a house thing they do? They're like every one of these needs to have a little bit of hairspray in it, everybody loves hairspray, you know, growing up I really did like the smell of hairspray Certain ones, yeah, I can get with you.

Ryan:

Yeah, um, your mom probably had one she used that had a special smell to it. My grandmother had, like aquanet that she used for you know a million years. Oh yeah, fucking hate the hand. Hmm, tester scripts are. It's all right, it's and it's like really quickly changing to just being all right. The initial verse is okay.

Myke:

I think we're gonna need to give this a minute, because that's kind of what happens with coming out of the atomizer that like kind of needs a second to go away before you can kind of get to okay the goods of it. So why don't we do this? I've got an ice cream over here nothing random at all about that, yeah why don't we let this chill on the skin for a minute?

Myke:

what kind of ice cream is he gonna tell him? It's a halados, it's like a. You know, we have like a mexican ice cream brand and they make is that only to here in texas area? I don't know if it's only to texas, but they make like the around here. You'll get the guy who pushes the cart oh yeah, and it's like the Mexican ice cream, popsicle type things. Okay, now you can buy them in stores and I freaking love the Mungo. So Mungo, mungo. So I've got that over here and we kind of saw a couple of posts from Snazzy we were worried about. I think we check in with him. Let this chill on the skin for a second. Yeah, we need to check on our boy.

Ryan:

All right, let's do that. Hello, wait a minute, oh god hello.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Hey, it's connected to the bluetooth.

Ryan:

Hello hey, hey, what's going on, buddy, hey, pal oh, is this ryan? And mike.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

He's here with me, yeah oh, you're on the phone too. That's weird. I haven't heard from you guys in a while.

Myke:

Yeah, we were worried about you. We saw your post.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Which one?

Myke:

The.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Arbatus mini posts.

Myke:

We saw that you're going through a little bit of heartbreak.

Ryan:

Yeah, oh, that one.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Yeah, I mean, that was the most recent, I was hoping you saw one of my business propositions. Yeah, we saw that too. Most recent, I was hoping you saw one of my business propositions.

Myke:

but yeah, we saw that too. We'll get to that. Yeah, this was. We're checking in on you first.

Ryan:

Yeah, that was the most recent post was actually over, I guess a little bit of a breakup that you went through recently.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Yeah, I'm a loner, now A rebel.

Myke:

You're back on the market, huh.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

I guess you could say that, yeah, I'm on the market, on the black market.

Ryan:

What led to the breakup, I mean what happened.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Yeah, I've been seeing this broad for a while. She's Cuban In Miami. You know I like to date outside my brain.

Myke:

Well, I commend you for that. Not so narrow-sighted, I see I'm an equal opportunity employer.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

You know, as far as dei goes, I'm all about it when it comes to dating my friends. It's good to hear uh, yeah, definitely.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Something we definitely want to talk to you about is your dei relationship hires well, I mean, I grew up dating only white girls and I thought that's not fair. I've got to give the rest of the world a chance, some Spanish love, but this bride I don't know. We came to an impasse. It kind of sucks to see it. It was only a couple of months. I got two moods For life, or two months. That's the only way it's going to go with me.

Myke:

So we hit the two two months mark and it was like time to go um. You kind of do one of those uh like netflix. You kind of give them, like, the free trial period, and then they yeah, but she gave me the free trial instead.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Then she moved on. I wish it was the other way around. I wish it was the other way around. Well, I mean, if you don't mind us.

Ryan:

Well, I mean, if you don't mind, us asking. I mean, hopefully I'm not getting too personal, but like what happened, like what caused the breakup, she was kind of high maintenance.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

She didn't like what I would do for work and also she found out about my OnlyFans page.

Myke:

She didn't like that you were allowing other people to purchase visuals of you, huh.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

No, she was fine with that. In fact, she showed all of her friends' pictures of me naked all the time. Then what was the deal? She just wanted to be on it. She wanted to be on it, and I wouldn't let her be in the pictures too.

Myke:

Oh man so much for actually being an equal opportunity.

Ryan:

Hey, wait a minute. You said she didn't like what you did for a living, and that she also didn't like that you had only fans. What is it? She doesn't like that. You're a dj either. She didn't like that well, I dj.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

It's been slow lately so I had to pick up some side work and it's apparently like going out and working with your hands is like too embarrassing her. She's a little stuck up. I tried to cook her dinner the other day and she saw the bags, the grocery bags, and she was like where did you get these groceries at? I was like I went to Aldi and she went ew, that's where poor people shop. I was like Fucking Aldi, sorry, I like Great savings.

Ryan:

You like getting that quarterback, don't you? Hello, must have gone Through a bad spot. Hello, huh, does it sound like A car screeching From the open? We didn't get this guy in a wreck. No, I didn't sound like that you sure we would have heard the wreck.

Myke:

I think he went through a bad area.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

I'm gonna try to call him hello hello, I guess we're into a rough spot. I lost you guys there.

Ryan:

Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I asked you if you like getting the quarterback at Aldi's.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Oh yeah Well, I just like great savings. I bring my own bag. I don't even need a shopping cart. Apparently, that's where poor people shop for Miss fucking Queen of the World over here.

Ryan:

Well, you know, obviously we hope you find something else. And uh, you deserve happiness, you deserve love.

Myke:

Yeah, you're a good guy well, and speaking of monetary income, you had mentioned wanting to sponsor the show. How are you going to do that if you're shopping at aldi?

DJ Snazzy Seth:

oh, so now you think all these are for poor people too. All right, sorry, sorry. I don't shop at Whole Foods just for all my fucking meal plans, good God, anyway, I forgot to mention I was trying to get this snagercise thing off the.

Myke:

What's the fucking word? I'm looking for Jesus Christ. Are people like swerving off the road?

Ryan:

Are you driving people off the road, dude? All we hear is car swerving sounds.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

It's distracting, trying to drive in a you know room. I gotta let you know what I'm doing right now. Actually, I bought a fucking food truck. I'm trying to start my own taco truck right now and I'm driving it down the road and it's got all this fucking equipment in the back from the people who owned it before me, and every time I make a big turn.

Myke:

Fucking pots and pans fly all around in the backseat. What are you going to call the food truck?

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Yeah, I'm still working spitballing on the name, but I think it's something to do with maybe Seth's Taco Express Snazzy Snacks yeah, I like Snazzy.

Ryan:

Snacks yeah, snazzy Snacks yeah, I like Snazzy Snacks. Snazzy Snacks has a ring yeah, that has a ring to it, right there, snazzy.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Snacks. I can even mix that with my other idea for the snazercising I was trying to talk about. I'm looking for ways to make extra income because it's not really the good season Once spring break was over. I'm not getting as many gigs for DJjing right now, so I thought if you got a peloton or if you like exercising on the internet, you can check in my like my snazzercise channel that I'm going to start out, but you guys could be sponsored on your uh podcast from snazzy snacks once I get this taco truck running up hey, that'd be kind of cool man.

Ryan:

Yeah, we have a food sponsor and physical health sponsor.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Yeah, and you could even have an only fan sponsor too.

Ryan:

Oh, that's true, yeah my goodness is that a thing? Has anybody ever used their only fans?

DJ Snazzy Seth:

and sponsored. I mean I I have. There's a lot of stuff going on right now. I got guys, so yeah I can't really afford to pay you any money to run the ads yet. Okay, but you know, it could be like a leap of faith, or I could pay you in like editing jobs. So if you need some extra editing done, I could throw on some tracks on some of the stuff for you guys.

Myke:

Yeah, that was a bit new.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

And then you could run a couple of my advertisements.

Ryan:

Hey, I do have a quick question. Go ahead, I have a question.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

What's your most requested song when you dj?

Ryan:

at a party my most requested song.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Yeah, I mean, usually it's an original. People like to hear my old stuff. But uh, it depends. I mean you gotta read the crowd. My friend, I'm in miami so it gets hot at night. So a lot of times, you know, it depends on if I'm running like a, what kind of club it is. You know it could be like if it's one of those cuban clubs it's gonna be different than if it's one of the gay clubs that I like to play at. So I like to do a remix of dolly parton's peace train. What you heard that one, you heard peace train.

Ryan:

I don't know if I've heard that or remix on the peace train, peace train.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Baby. It's like a. They can do a techno mix of peace train.

Myke:

It's fucking hot dude dude, it sounds like it ryan wasn't paying attention. In the past times we've talked to you because snazzy doesn't take requests. Oh yeah, that's right.

Ryan:

You should have known that, right. That's right. I'm sorry, snazzy it's true.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Yeah, I don't really take requests, but it is a song that I play a lot, especially at the gay clubs. I play peace train, but dolly parton if you put techno behind dolly parton, you've got a whole new genre right there. Guys, I'm telling you it's fucking slaps what dude?

Ryan:

I swear to god, go ahead. It sounds like. It sounds like you're driving people off the road. It sounds like you're in the middle of twisted metal while you're freaking driving. What the hell is going?

DJ Snazzy Seth:

on. I told you, man, there's fucking equipment back here that's fucking banging around.

Myke:

There's fucking Road Rash 3D over there.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

What the?

Myke:

hell.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

I had to go pick up the food truck in fucking Fort Lauderdale, and so I'm driving back to Miami from there. It's a fucking two-hour drive almost.

Myke:

Well, fort Lauderdale, and so I'm driving back to Miami from there. It's a fucking two hour drive, almost Well, right now there's traffic. So, plus, you had to stop at Aldi to get the Inventory to cook with right.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Well, I had to get some tortillas, man. No, I'm going to make my own tortillas, because I watched a YouTube video on that. Oh yeah, you got to get the masa and you get the press. I can figure it out yeah, I trust you, man, you're pretty.

Myke:

Uh, what's gonna be your signature dish? You got a signature taco.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

It's a good thing that I broke up too, because she's cuban and she doesn't make good tacos. I need to date someone who comes from a taco background uh, are you?

Ryan:

I feel like you're trying to. I feel like you're trying to throw her under the bus now, like. I feel like that was a little spiteful.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Yeah, under the food bus. If I could throw her in the middle of the road and run over her with a bus, I would. She ripped your heart out. It sounds like that's what she did to my fucking heart, man.

Myke:

Oh man.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

It was the longest two months of my life, so whatever.

Ryan:

Is it one of the longest relationships you've had? I mean usually the only last two days, so two months is pretty long time. Yeah, sorry I didn't mean to be hitting you below the belt, dj snazzy said there's not a kiss and tell we know this uh, I mean, I'll tell if you ask if you got money or yeah, I can show you some camera footage from my bedroom.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

you know, 49.99 a month, boys, that might be a bit high. I'm going to run a special soon though, for 50% off for the first 100 subscribers. That way it'll be a discount. But once you get on there, I'm selling all kinds of stuff. I got some MeUndies that I've been wearing that you can buy off me. You should look into getting MeUndies as a sponsor too, man.

Myke:

That's some comfortable. I should look into getting me undies as a sponsor too.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Man, this is comfortable ass underwear. Really, let's talk about that. You want to talk about it? They got all kinds of designs. You got some of these. Um, they got mass. What are those mass lucha lucha door masks. Yeah, I can wear the lucha door me undies and sell tacos in my underwear.

Ryan:

Wait, are you going to wear lucha door mask as well? Why you sell tacos in my underwear.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Wait are you gonna wear luchador mask as well while you sell tacos out of your taco truck. Yeah, that's a great idea. I'm gonna do that's a good idea.

Myke:

I'm gonna take you up on that well, one thing we haven't really cool for a white guy to wear a luchador mask.

Ryan:

God, I don't know, dude, they don't know?

DJ Snazzy Seth:

I mean, I guess they don't know I'm white underneath the mask I mean insane clownpaws.

Ryan:

used to wear them all the time when they didn't have makeup on. Oh yeah, that's a good point. So I would think so.

Myke:

Yeah, normally if I model my life after something, it's typically ICP and what they do. So you know they've always been pretty solid examples.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

You know why even do the luchador thing? I should just make juggalo tacos. Why even do the luchador thing? I should just make Juggalo tacos.

Myke:

Oh, there we go. Yeah, what would be in there.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Some Faygo, and they have Faygo here. I could buy a fucking 12-pack of Faygo at the grocery store. They don't sell it at Aldi, unfortunately.

Myke:

Oh man. I could get it somewhere else You're going to have to pay top dollar. Then, oh boy, well, we didn't even get to touch on snazzercise. What the hell's going on with that? What's that story about?

DJ Snazzy Seth:

oh yeah, I forgot, I got distracted with a food truck. Whenever I get some time in between, it's doing all this other stuff. Uh, with the snazzercise, like I said, I'm gonna play a dj set, but you could like ride on your peloton, jump into my channel, pay me a monthly subscription and I will make you lose some fucking weight. So, lay off the chunky shoes, boys, come play with me and I'm gonna get y'all like down a few pounds.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

If you don't like to ride the Peloton or if you can't afford one, you can always get on a YouTube channel I'm gonna start start up or on the Instagram and then I could DJ and you could do like sweat into the oldies. But it'll be stanzasize, not jazzercise and it'll be not the oldies, it'll be the newbies.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

So well, I do have the Dolly Parton remixes on there too dude, that sounds hot, but there'll be different themed exercises, so you can do an exercise of DJ Coward's hits if you want to do, and then every time you finish you could be like another one, another, one, another one, knocking those fucking pounds off man dude, I love it, dude.

Ryan:

I've never heard a more chaotic drive in my entire life, and I'm being actually serious here it sounds really peaceful in here right now.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Actually, I don't even know what the hell you're hearing.

Ryan:

Dude, all I hear is tire screeches every 30 seconds.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

I don't even hear a goddamn tire. I'm in the fucking car.

Ryan:

That's what's worrying me. Yeah, I feel like you're running everybody off the goddamn road in this food truck. Have you ever driven a food truck before?

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Negative Exactly.

Myke:

Do you need a special license? License for that? I don't know, do you?

DJ Snazzy Seth:

no, it's just like. I mean, it's not like an 18 wheel or anything. I don't think you need like a class whatever d, u, c, d, b, l, c, d, l, I don't know. All I know is that they told me that I'd be fine to drive it back, so I got someone to drop me off and then I'm just driving this son of a bitch back well, look, man, we wish you worst case scenario of the business.

Ryan:

Go ahead, no, no, go ahead, go ahead. Worst case scenario.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

What, what I was just gonna say worst case scenario. I can flip this truck and, uh, maybe I'll make some money off of it if nobody wants to buy any tacos.

Myke:

So it sounds like you're about to flip it on this drive.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Yeah, oh shit, I don't know. I'm following all the safety regulations that I can.

Ryan:

That you can. Yeah, okay, great wording. Well, look, snazzy. Some of the ones that are meant to be followed. Well, look, we wish you well in all your endeavors. We do need to get you to edit a podcast here and there, and we'll definitely look into seeing about having you as a sponsor. One of our first sponsors is like a little snazzy jazz or snazzer size.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Yeah dude, we just need it. Yeah, we need to collab on some uh commercials together yeah, that'd be great.

Ryan:

And you know, obviously, we know we wish you the best in your love life. We know, know you'll find you a nice Puerto Rican girl. Yeah, I know, they're out there for you, buddy.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

I already changed my mind. I'm not Puerto Rican, they don't make tacos but I think about a Filipino girl.

Ryan:

Filipino really. Oh, you're hunting online for those, yeah.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

I jumped on an OKCupid and then I literally after like two days, messages from girls from the philippines saying they're looking for a husband so I may have to be looking at overseas.

Ryan:

Wow, a little bit of that little 90 day fiance type of thing you thought about being on. That's a that's a tlc show where they they meet people overseas and marry them over here oh, yeah, yeah.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Well, I mean, maybe I'll be on that show.

Myke:

That'd be badass yeah, right now you're giving them 60 days. You give them one more month. Yeah, then it could be forever. What?

DJ Snazzy Seth:

about it. Yeah, if I could do 90 days and then I could try to get an infinity date, fiance until I die, because you'd have to get married eventually but I'm like, hey, baby, do you want to be engaged forever but never actually tie the knot?

Ryan:

she would be the one with the prenup is what it sounds like I got a prenup for this taco truck well, look, man, uh, puerto ricans, cubans, filipino, uh, we wish you the best. That's offensive. Yeah, really, how's that offensive?

Myke:

I'm kidding, it's not to say. It sounds like there's a lot of spicy senoritas down there, yeah oh yeah, well, you know you definitely have a type, it seems yeah, not white the old reverse racism. I told you I.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

I tried that for a while. It didn't work out for me, so oh god, what is a while?

Ryan:

your whole life?

DJ Snazzy Seth:

too long.

Ryan:

You know that well, buddy, we wish you well get, start focusing on the drive and start running people off the road.

DJ Snazzy Seth:

Yeah, I need to get off the phone before I fucking end up in the ditch on the interstate over here, because this thing's like the wind started blowing from the ocean over here.

Ryan:

It's fucking blowing the whole van around, so all right, all right, buddy, we love you, man, be safe, and we'll talk to you. We'll reach out to you again, okay talk to you soon well, I sure hope he gets home safely right, jesus?

Ryan:

dude. I don't know what was up with that tires or something. I don't know what's going on. That fucking thing. Yeah, shout out to snazzy. Thank you for being a sport with that dude. Fucking christ, this thing still smells it. It smells cheap and these aren't really cheap, are they? No, no, they're not. They're not cheap and it's like I hate the bottles. I fucking the bottles look like hairspray. The nozzles on them look like hairspray. I don't mind the bottles.

Myke:

I hate them okay. Well, you know, dude, I'm sorry, but they're not bad. They kind of have that same le labo style vibe to it. It's very, you know, like uh, industrial see, I disagree.

Ryan:

I think lay labo looks way, way tougher. Well, yeah, I mean, it's classier, god, this tester, so it just smells so cheap and awful.

Myke:

This is probably the closest thing to just pure hairspray that I can. I mean, at this point they're just like ah, fuck it, you know what they could really do.

Ryan:

They make one called like hairspray, right? Yeah, it'd probably be the first one At the salon or something. It'd be the first one that doesn't smell like fucking hairspray. It'd probably be amazing too. God damn it. I knew it was going to go this route. I fucking knew it.

Myke:

Well it makes sense, though. It's a barber shop and they fix your hair. They're gonna throw a little hairspray in there, so maybe they did hype it.

Ryan:

You know, hype that does it have a little bit of that powder they used to slap on the back of your fucking neck? Does it have a little bit? Was that talc or something? I don't know what yeah, I don't. Yeah, I don't know it smells clean, yeah, it's not like offensive, but it's like so just cheap hairspray. You just got a five dollar haircut and it really shows yeah, let's see what other people are saying about this dude, if somebody doesn't say it smells like hairspray, and we fucking pissed dude, I'm just gonna hit you guys.

Ryan:

We don't need the whole thing for but the price and popularity. You're looking at $160-something fucking bottle of fragrance for this shit. Damn Dude, get fucked. What in the hell is that?

Myke:

shit. So Linseed87 says smells like shaving cream, and cheap shaving cream at that. No, thank you, I threw away my sample.

Ryan:

Just think, about that.

Myke:

Wow, what a sacrifice that guy made. Just think about about what I did.

Ryan:

I threw away the free sample I got, yeah, some old bitch that sam's gave it to him or something all right.

Myke:

maria moccasina says jesus christ, wow, get it off me cheap aftershave, me Cheap aftershave. I don't think aftershave.

Ryan:

No, I don't get that either. Well, here's the rating or popularity 3.82 out of 5, 1,500 votes. 3.82? Yes, damn Decent.

Myke:

Maybe this would go somewhere. We just got to give it, I don't know, two days or something. Mm-mm, that is wild. Two days or something, that is wild, that is just terrible. Yeah, typical barbershop thing. You're gonna get some black pepper, some lavender in here, white musk, leather and tonka bean actually.

Ryan:

So I'm reading here it's been discontinued for a good few years already. Maybe that's why some of it's 100 something bucks. Oh okay, hmm, that was in 2024, somebody said it deserved it. If it is discontinued, fucking rest in piss. This thing is terrible.

Myke:

I mean it is slowly becoming less shaving or less hairspray and more of that kind of like this yeah, I'm with you, dude, that is just, that's just not my jam.

Ryan:

For that price point, dude. Yeah, what is that brand? I used to for a short bit. I got into like the whole, what is it? The soap bar and the cup, and you get the fucking weasel hair or whatever the fuck it is.

Myke:

God, we need to ask doug lane for that actually really do, but I used to use he's like the aficionado with that thing.

Ryan:

He's resident specialist in the patreon well, doug, if you're listening to this, one of my favorite scents was, I want to say you can get them pretty much at walmart and it's first like p, like pareso or something like that. I don't know, he'll probably, but that was a good smell just by itself. I used to love lathering up with that and I will say I used that double-edged safety razor thing. That's some of the best shades I ever got. I did for myself.

Myke:

Well, I don't have any sort of shaving that I'm doing on my face. You don't do this area right here, well yeah, this area right here, well yeah, but I mean I just dry with, uh, you know, electric. No, it's what, what is the brand? Like a little bick or something? I mean I'm a little high dollar than that, a little more uh working with like an inch on both sides. Yeah, uh, it's, I don't know what is the chic gillette, whatever, okay, okay, five, blade the fusion five yeah.

Myke:

Yeah, so I just go like a couple of passes there, and I'm just talking about right above my beard, you know so it's not like weirdly shaped, and then I just use a beard trimmer on my head. What's your neckline? Yeah, yeah, I use beard trimmer on that.

Ryan:

I don't like to go like blade to the. You get break out of you. Yeah, yeah, get like what do you call that? Razor burn interesting. You know what doug when you hear this. Will you please put in a comment if you could recommend a beard soap or whatever? A good place to start? Yeah, what is one of the best smelling overall quality that you can just recommend?

Myke:

I think for him, though, because he does so many, that's like saying what's the best cologne to start off with? You can't really go that route. You kind of go. Got to go entry point give us. Yeah, you know what's the training wheels? Yeah, okay, there you go, because I might get back into that.

Ryan:

Do that. I used to love that. I did my neck and my cheek area too, but I would.

Myke:

I'd go full down with the razor I do miss the like, the lathering up of that. That's like, yeah, fuck dude there's nothing like it. That is a um satisfying thing it really is.

Ryan:

And it's like that, bro. You know you're yeah, you're just getting it all in the crevices and you're just like I don't know.

Myke:

I see, like, what's you know fun about doing that? Yeah, you know, and that's kind of what he gets into. That's one of his things that he really likes to do is, like this is a me time sort of a thing. Yeah, some people it's in front of a webcam during a break. Some people just want a nice, clean shave. That poor bastard dude Spending me time in front of all of CNN.

Ryan:

He was like three days from retirement and he had to fucking whack it like that dude, oh Well you're gonna skip it, sample it or buy it.

Myke:

What are you gonna do, ryan?

Ryan:

Skip. Yeah, it's a skip. You know it, it's a skip yeah. I have yet to be convinced by a single Mason Margello fragrance that has been like blown my fucking doors off this has got to be the worst of them for me. You think so, yeah yeah, because I do like, isn't jazz club popular too? And I don't think we've done that, but I've smelled it and everybody knows yeah I haven't smelled it but yeah, that's a popular one.

Myke:

I feel like this should be a popular one. But God, we got sent by MK, we got sent Creed Viking, yeah, and like, when you compare that to this, not even the same boat.

Ryan:

It's an O dog, it's an O which we found out it's not in stock. No, that was another one. Actually, we found out. Aura, it's out of stock right now. Aura, it's out of stock right now. But when they carry the Manhattan by Roja, 100 ml 196. That's a good deal.

Myke:

So this is a skip for you too. Huh Massively. I can't stand this thing. Yeah, I get where they're going with this brand, but why make them smell so cheap? I'm sorry there may be people who are listening to this going like what the hell are you talking about? These are great.

Myke:

They smell cheap to me too but we, we smell like autumn vibes and it was like that weird sour twinge on it that you were like it's pickles, you know, and it was, and that smelled cheap too. Yeah, yeah, it was that whole thing. Man, I think I don't know if maybe I would smell this on somebody and think it smelled good, because that's how I smell by the fireplace. Yeah, there's a young gal that I was working with and she would wear it and I just kept going like you smell incredible, what is that? Yeah, and she was wearing by the fireplace. Really, it really worked for her.

Ryan:

Yeah, hmm, well, first random sample back in a long time. It's a double skip cheap piece of shit and that's it.

Myke:

You just never know what you're going to get. You know you said you wanted to ask a certain question or something you were going to harken back to the poor gentleman that got caught with his pants around his ankles.

Ryan:

No you had asked me. You were saying like you really think if he's brazen enough to keep his job and walk into town, he shouldhuh, he should have it.

Myke:

And I'm like, yeah, I think so, man I'm like, even at that point, even if they were like, look, you're suspended for a little bit without pay, take some time off, you know, learn how to use your computer and then when you come back you'll have your job I would be like, no, I'm, I'm gonna be looking for another job. Look in a state across the country where I'll never see anybody that I work with you're up for your whole life.

Myke:

I mean, if I'm that guy and I don't have some secret kink where I, you know, like exhibitionists or something like that, like a legitimately got busted you're working for cnn, by the way.

Myke:

Yeah, it's a big time job for sure. Yeah, I think at that point you got to move over to fox news. It seems like and I was actually listening to a joe rogan podcast god, I'm gonna get crucified, um, and they were talking about how it's funny, how people from the left can screw up and people from the right will accept them yeah like they're basically like hey, remember when, like um, what was it like?

Myke:

this is like cardi b or nicki minaj or somebody came out as like anti-vax and and like, uh, people from the right were like, yeah, she's my jam you know you, it's political football.

Myke:

But so the people from the right, according to polls? Okay, this is not my own personal opinion, I could give zero fucks. Apparently, people from the right are far more willing to accept somebody across the aisle that has messed up, yeah, and then they go over and realign with their beliefs. They're willing to welcome those people. But people from the left if you've got marks on your scorecard, you're not allowed According to this poll. That was said on Joe Rogan, by the way. So again, I'm just stating what I heard. I'm not claiming it to be facts, but it does sound believable.

Ryan:

He's walking on broken glass.

Myke:

I'm just saying I bet that this guy could go to Fox News We'll probably check it out and he is now or some shit.

Ryan:

But for me first off, when he's talking about all the I'm in therapy, I'm just trying to earn your trust again. Guys, I talked to a doctor. I'm learning how to be a human and being again.

Myke:

I bought a chastity belt, it's like why I'm not even allowed to touch it when I pay.

Ryan:

Well, I'm not one of those. I'm taking some basic computer courses.

Myke:

Exactly.

Ryan:

I'm going back to PCIS and uh, dude, I mean, I don't know, that's where I kind of get into this like by the way, look, if he's not keeping his job, why in the fuck is he on cnn talking about right? Yeah, yeah, yeah I don't know.

Myke:

So he did get fired, legitimately got fired I don't know.

Ryan:

I need to go back and look. I just saw that part because this is under a subreddit called Crazy Fucking Videos, I believe.

Myke:

Oh yeah, the caption was like sometimes you just got to start over as like an Alaskan wild crab fisherman or something like that. That was the top comment, but still, that should be the title for it.

Ryan:

But yeah, I'm with you.

Myke:

Like me? I, I mean me personally. Yeah, I'd probably I don't know, I guess go live in the fucking mountains or something. Yeah, my statement off air was this is an incredibly vulnerable position to be in. Oh yeah, and if you, if your intentions weren't to be a fucking jackass, yeah, and somebody just caught you, you know? I mean, I've had people walk in on me at inappropriate times. Are you serious? Absolutely what?

Ryan:

what are you clowns doing? You're not believing? Shutting your computer down or turn, locking your fucking door.

Myke:

They didn't walk in from my computer, they walked into my dorm room.

Ryan:

I guess it was a room you shared and the person you shared it with walked in.

Myke:

Well, I was dating a girl at the time, okay, and you know I was doing a little what they call a mercy jerk.

Ryan:

Until next time yeah.

Myke:

If you're going to spray it up, y'all just make sure your webcam's off. Oh God.