S3 Ep 5 - Christmas

Jess has a Hallmark Christmas.

Transcript

Episode 5 – Christmas 

Hello and welcome to episode five of season three.  I hope you have enjoyed it so far.  I think I have.  I am pretty sure I will get even luckier soon and get that six numbers on the lottery so I can call myself a full time writer and, you know, do some actual writing.  It will be my good luck after I am dumped by Niles when he eventually comes to his senses.  I am joking now but I am dreading that day.  I imagine the episode will just be me wailing for forty minutes.  But wait until you hear my lottery jackpot episode, it will be worth it then.  They’ll be balloons, banners, and 76 bloody trombones.  Be sure to like, comment, and hit subscribe so you don’t miss it.  Yeah, I’ll play the theme.

Theme music

It was the November visit, day 56, that Niles dropped the bombshell question.  What was I doing for Christmas?  There’s no answer to that that doesn’t mean a pity party from the querier.  I hadn’t really thought about it, but I suspect I would be just hanging around the flat, drinking too much wine, watching a lot of TV, and eating too many chocolates.  This may or may not involve doing the whole thing in PJs.  Actually, that sounded like fun.  I hadn’t done that in a long time, and I had most weekends to myself.  Why would I wait for Christmas?

I explained my plans to Niles who looked at me sadly.  The pity party thing which was neither needed or warranted.  He spent Christmas with his parents and sister.  He also saw his daughter boxing day.  He’d already told me that.  Nobody likes a bragger.  It was the morning of day 56.  I was getting ready for work.  He made me a coffee to take with me because I was running late, I was always running late.    He made it sound all casual, as I was putting my coat on.  I really wasn’t expecting the end of his thought which was, spend Christmas with us.  I stopped dead, wait, what?  

He put the coffee next to my handbag.

‘Come to my apartment and then we’ll drive to (insert small town about 45 mins from New York city).’

I stared for a moment.  Was he serious?  Meet the family?  Surely it was too early for that.  Plus, spend Christmas with strangers?  I couldn’t do that.’

He saw my complete hesitance.

‘It will be great.  I’ll come here for a week and then we’ll fly back and you can spend a couple of weeks in New York.’

Three weeks with Niles sounded wonderful but what if this was the time he come to his senses?

‘Have a think about it.’  He finally said.

I nodded, reached up to kiss him, and then went out that door as fast as my little legs could manage.

In work, I put it all to the back of my mind.  I finished a forecast and went to see Dawn about it.  It wasn’t until after the meeting that she asked after Niles and I blurted out what had happened earlier, and the request to stay with him for Christmas.  

‘You’ll go of course’.  She said.

‘I don’t know, there’s work, there’s the fact we have never spent that long together, and my complete social anxiety about spending Christmas with strangers in a place I don’t know.’

She laughed.  I am glad my social anxiety is funny.

‘I’d wait until the next pandemic.  They’ll close flights for two years and that should be enough time for you to get used to the idea.’

I felt my stomach drop and almost started to panic.

‘I need to pop out’, I announced.

‘Of course you do’, she smiled.  I am so transparent.

I put on my coat, grabbed my bag, and was out of the building within a couple of minutes.  I walked so fast those five minutes to the flat.  I now had two sets of keys to the flat.  A set for Niles so I got into the building, and into the lift before realising that he might not even be in and I should have phoned ahead.

I fumbled with the key in the lock and finally opened the door and sprinted through the hallway into the main room.

Niles looked up from his laptop, surprise on his face.

‘Of course, I’ll fucking go with you.  For Christmas.  Always wondered what egg nog was.’

I heard a voice come from the laptop.  An American accent asking if he could get back to Niles.

He was on a call. I froze.   Should have realised, he had those stupid fake glasses on.  Well the glasses were real, I mean that they had clear glass.  

‘I need them by 11am your time’, Niles said sternly into the screen and put the laptop lid down. 

‘I’m sorry’, I started.  ‘I didn’t realise.  He heard all that?’

‘Put myself on mute when I heard you come in’.

‘Thank fuck’, I said literally breathing a sigh of relief.

‘Now what’s this about Christmas?’  He said as he got up and moved towards me.

‘I’ll go,’ I started to say but he cut me off by grabbing the back of my head and putting his lips on mine.  I decided that in those circumstances, shutting me up was a good thing.

Music

I had insisted on paying for my flight to New York.  It was expensive but at least I was not paying hotel costs and I was getting a two week holiday.  When we got to the airport though, Niles went straight to the first class queue.  Now I know I said my flight was expensive but not that bloody expensive.  

‘What are we doing?’, I asked him.

‘Checking in.  They won’t let us on the flight otherwise.

I really hated it when he did that.

‘You know that’s not what I asking’

He went to put his arm around me which I spun around to avoid.

‘Please don’t get mad Jess.’

I was seriously considering walking out of the airport.  If he even had mentioned he wanted to go first class, I would have found a way to pay for it.  I am not a stupid women who is impressed by money.  I will leave that for ageing film stars and their twenty something girlfriends.  FYI to those girlfriends.  It never works out well for you.  

I said nothing while I considered my options.

‘I couldn’t leave you in coach while I was in first’.

‘And god forbid you would consider lowering yourself to economy class’.

‘Think of it as a Christmas present.’

I’d bought him a shirt.  He’s paid for an upgrade which was easily a couple of grand.  Don’t let anyone tell you that money is not a problem in relationships.  I had a choice though.  I could suck it up or go home.  I know what you’re thinking poor Jess, having the choice between flying first class and going home.  To that I would say you have never really been poor and made to feel bad about it, even when it’s not your fault.  You’ve never had wealth flaunted in your face.  I had built myself up to go though and I really wanted to go.  I resolved to calm down.  The free alcohol will help.

‘Thank you’, I said to Niles.  ‘This is a lovely Christmas present.  Wrapping gifts is such a faff too.’

He could tell I wasn’t completely sold so why he opened his mouth at that point is beyond me.

‘Oh there will be wrapped gifts.’

‘Not if you don’t want them extracted from your rectum.’  I said smiling as I handed my passport to the check in person.  

I got a glimpse into what is called ‘how the other half live.’  It is so much easier, people are forced to be nicer to you, and there’s not being treated like cattle.  We went through a different customs, and into a lounge.  There was free food and drink because that’s what people with money need, free food and drink and not pay the absorbent rates out in the main airport.  Niles asked me if I wanted to shop.  Not unless he did I replied.  I kind of zoned out watching a little part of life I had never seen before.  It was more comfortable but it wasn’t especially nicer.  There were a group of very loud British people knocking back champagne and they were no less obnoxious than the probable group downstairs in a Wetherspoons.  This whole year hasn’t felt like me, but this was the pinnacle.  I was going to end the year living in a world that wasn’t mine.  It was an upgrade from last year though when I ended the year still unwell and was just grateful that I was still alive.  Niles just kept talking to engage me back into the conversation.  I know he didn’t think it would go this way but I don’t know how.  Every time he has bought me something, I have felt deeply uncomfortable and pretty much said it.  Not true, I love presents, but small stuff.  Buy me a bar of chocolate, or a book, or a trinket.  Something thoughtful, not just something that costs a shit load.  I had literally given away the first thing he had bought me, that coffee machine in Wales.  I guess he was putting his need to give the best over my comfort.  Which is a shame because he is usually so lovely.  That’s what I held on to.  He is lovely.  He has put up with jet lag and living in a small flat just to be with me and that’s what I held on to, that’s what made me forgive him.  That and 1 and half glasses of champagne.

The flight was the best I had ever had to the states.  Nice food, a comfortable seat, leg room and all the mod cons.  I am not going to say the airline because, quite frankly, they had enough out of us.  Every now and again Niles would take my hand for a few seconds and then stop because it was entirely visible.  He should have picked standard class if he wanted to hold hands, we could have done that easily, I mean we would have practically sat on each others laps. Right no more.  I am over it.

Music

It took me a little longer than him to get through customs but then we were there.  In JFK airport on American soil.  There was a driver there to collect us which Niles obviously knew and we spent a quiet, quiet because we were both now very tired, because we are old, hour or so into New York and Niles apartment.  Which was a few blocks away from Central Park and Niles was obviously very proud of the way he showed me in.  It was gorgeous and big and how much money did he earn?  It was tasteful too.  In tones of grey and white.  There was a small hallway that led to a large room that had a big plush sofa and a couple of chairs facing a huge TV on the wall.  There was a huge bookcase on one wall that was full of books, and some DVDs.  Then separating the room was a breakfast bar and a fairly big kitchen.  Bigger than my one in Reading.  Big enough to have an island in the middle.  Then out of the window was a view of New York.  We were ten floors up so it was we could see quite a bit of the city.  It was also spotlessly clean.  I just kept looking around and finding new things I liked.   Niles was pleased I liked it so much.  I really did.  I just had to get out of my head that this is where he had spent three years with Daphne.

It was only about 8pm local time but it was the middle of the night UK time so the first thing we did was shower and then get into bed.  Oh my goodness, this bed.  It was bigger than king size.  I mean we didn’t need to touch if we didn’t want to.  I sank into that mattress and the pillow was like nothing I laid my head on.  Niles came over to spoon me in our, well his, going to sleeping position.  

‘Thank you for being here’, he whispered.

‘Thank you for inviting me’, I whispered back and really felt it.

It answered the question of how do rich people sleep at night.  In complete comfort and very fucking well.

Music

I insisted we go to the Rockefeller centre to see the Christmas tree the next day.  He hated it and I had to point out that I also had to do the touristy thing when he wanted to go around Cardiff.  He admitted that was just a rouse to spend time with me.  Which is really annoying because I wasn’t that fussed about going to a castle and museum.  Let’s not forget it was my birthday.  Then he bundled us back in a taxi back to his apartment.  I asked him flat out when we got back to the apartment if he was ashamed to be seen with me.

He floundered, completely taken back so I thought there must be some truth to it.  I don’t care, I don’t think anyway.  It would have been nice though if I could have just kept my mouth shut until after the holiday.  He said something about he just didn’t want to be among the crowds.  We never go out though.  I mean we’ve officially had one date.  Day 0.  There was the meal at Dawn’s on Day 4 but that was to do with people I knew, not people he did.  It was now day 94 and we had never officially dated.  He said why would he be ashamed if he was taking me to meet his family.  Which, again, not really reassuring.  We were going to their house. 

Music 

On Christmas Eve day 95, just as we were about to leave for his parents, he handed me a present.  He loves winding me up.  I said I didn’t want it.  It was enough that he had paid for first class here and it occurred to me that he had paid for the upgrade home too.  He confirmed he had so I ignored the present and he got annoyed.  I had to take the present, had to open it, and I would hate it anyway so what is the problem?  It took me right back to being a teenager when my mother and step-father would give me a present for Christmas, it didn’t matter if it was something thoughtful or shitty, my step-father would always make some comment before it, like we couldn’t buy a muzzle to shut you up and then think he was hilarious.  Regardless of the present then, I never liked it because it was never given with good grace.  Half the fun about giving someone a present is all the stuff around it.  Which is why I love thoughtful things, maybe a bar of chocolate or a coffee, etc., if someone knows I’m down, or a bookmark they liked and thought of me.  When I think of it, I am lucky I have had people in my life that do that.  I eventually took the present and unwrapped it.  It was an ugly Christmas jumper.

‘This is a weird way to announce you hate me.’   I told him.

Niles laughed.  I love that my discomfort amuses him.

‘Sorry it’s law in the Crane household that you wear a Christmas jumper on Christmas eve.’

I was so glad I spent time picking outfits out.  

The car drive to his parents was around 45 minutes.  Niles drove in his car.  I wasn’t aware he had one.  That said, I had no interest in cars.  He might have told me what it was before, and it never sunk in.  It was quite large and comfortable.  You didn’t actually think I knew the make or model.  It was grey.  Now, I already knew this, but we had similar tastes in music so Niles had put together a playlist for our drive.  Dave Grohl would be singing his guts out and then the Ronettes would start singing about horses to keep with the Christmas theme.  I told him I was nervous.

He half looked at me and smiled, ‘they can’t wait to meet you, especially my sister.’

‘They’ll be sorry.’, I said as I watched the skyline of New York disappear in my wing mirror.

I felt his hand on my leg.

‘They will love you.’  He said firmly.

I didn’t answer, I wasn’t convinced.

‘Come on Jess.  They already do because I have told them all about you.  Plus, Amy already has listened to your podcast.

Amy was his sister, not a pseudonym.   I couldn’t even run with the Frasier theme on this one.  Frasier and Niles never had a sister.  I suppose I could have gone with Roz who was kind of like a sister to Frasier.  One where the running joke is all her sexual conquests, despite the fact that Frasier, Niles, and Martin had all had the share of sex and dating.  But it was the 90’s and woman weren’t supposed to.  That was a big digression. Back to Amy.  Amy was Niles’s confidant. Especially after his best friend died.  It would be fair to say he was slightly besotted by his big sister who could do everything and no wrong in his eyes.  He was continually seeking her advice, respect, and approval.  I was really nervous about meeting her because she sounded just so… epic.  I can’t think of a better way to describe her.  She was a queen.  He had been speaking to her when he first came to Wales.  Was the one he told that he was interested in me.  Told her to listen to the podcast as soon as he found out about it.  She was the one that told him I had uploaded a second season and if he didn’t get on a plane right now she would never speak to him again.  There was a lot riding on it.

When we finally pulled up outside a house, I thought he was joking.  Instead, he got out and went to the trunk to collect our cases.  I slowly got out of the car and stared as if it was some kind of joke.  This was the house?  You know the ones you see in the Hallmark movies with a million lights and figures outside, this was it.  It was also huge.  I don’t mean mansion huge.  Just large with a big drive that went around a fountain.  Yes, a fountain.  It was in cul de sac with similar sized houses.  Niles put the suitcases down beside me and I asked if I was okay.

‘Were you going to tell me you’re rich?’ I asked.

‘It’s comparative.’ He responded as handed me the handle to my wheelie suitcase and we started to walk to the front door.

‘You could have given me a million pounds’

He grinned.  ‘I said dollars plus its moot now, you chose love.’  

What had I done?

‘We are revisiting that conversation’, I told him but grinned back.  I wasn’t taking his money now or ever.

We got to the front door, and he rang the bell.

‘The other thing I need to tell you quickly is that my parents are Trump supporters.’

He said it so seriously and I went to speak but the door opened.

The door opened wide and a woman who was about my height, was standing there with a warm, huge grin on her face.  Niles ushered me to go in first and he followed closing the door behind him.  

‘Mom’, he said and they each other the biggest bear hug and he kissed her cheek.  This answered the question Izzy posed whether Americans did this, and if Niles was just being friendly when he started doing this to me.  The answer is yes they do, but also Niles did say there was more to it so, I’ll just carry on shall I?

She looked around at me and Niles introduced us.

‘Can I hug you?’ She asked me.

I nodded because there was nothing I wanted more from this lovely woman.

‘I feel like I already know you’, she said and it felt the same way back.

After receiving one of the best hugs I had every had in my life.  She took my hand and lead me to one of the rooms off the hallway.  There she was, Amy.

I have never believed in love at first sight before but here it was happening. I already felt like I knew her through Niles and I expected to be confronted by an intelligent, scary, and formidable, woman.  She was, don’t misunderstand.  She was also friendly,  warm, with the same big smile that Niles sometimes gave me that I worked so hard for.  Amy looked like Niles and didn’t.  The same big eyes, the same expression but she was blonde and bright.  Niles was more like me.  

‘Decided to show then?’, she said to Niles and they started insulting each other in a pretty horrific way.  If it wasn’t completed with the same hug, you’d think they’d hated each other.  Niles turned to me.

‘Amy, this is Jess.’

I expected an up and down look as she decided what to think.  Instead, she kept her smile and gave me the biggest hug.

‘I’ve been dying to meet you.’  She said.

‘Me too’, I said but I had no idea how much until that moment.  Until I saw how amazing she was.  This was Niles’s older sister and it seemed they both were having a profound effect on me.

‘I told her mom and dad were Trump supporters’, Niles told Amy laughing.  ‘And she still hugged mom.’

Amy swiped him in the back.  I wanted to do the same.

‘You bug.’  She exclaimed.  ‘I don’t know why you put up with him.’

‘He’s lovely’, I blurted out.  Niles looked pleased but also embarrassed.  Not as embarrassed as I felt.

‘For the most part.’, I concluded and they both laughed in exactly the same way.

‘Where’s dad?’, Niles asked Amy.  She told him he was in the kitchen sorting out the caterers as there was some error.  Caterers, of course they’d have caterers.  

‘Got ya ugly jumper for the party?’  Amy turned to me.

‘Party?’, I asked but I directed it to Niles.

‘You didn’t tell her about the Christmas Eve party?’ Amy exclaimed and swiped Niles again.

Was I supposed to know there was a party?  I suppose I never asked but I’m pretty sure it was never mentioned either.

Niles looked at me sheepishly.  ‘There’s a traditional Christmas Eve party here at the house.  Neighbours, friends, etc.  It’s kind of a big affair.’

I nodded not quite knowing what to say.  I didn’t want to go to any party, especially one where I knew only one person.

Niles kissed my forehead.  ‘I promise tomorrow it’s just the five of us.’

I felt his arms wrap around me and I responded.  He had invited me to an intimate family Christmas when he could have easily left me at home.  That was generous.  I resolved to not bitch about the party and do everything I could to make sure he had a good Christmas.  I would be the perfect guest at the party, I wouldn’t make it obvious we were a couple so as not to embarrass him, and I would speak to as many people as I could. Now I just needed a very large drink.

Music

Soon it was showtime.  I was ready dressed in a perfectly disgusting jumper; I would never have to see these people again which was fine.  I meant the party goers of course, not Niles and his family.  There was the whole of tomorrow for that.  Niles’s father was equally lovely and welcoming as his mum and sister had been.  He asked if he could hug me, which I was happy to do.  I knew exactly what Niles was going to be like at that age.  I needed not to worry about people speaking to me at the party.  I felt like the centre of attention, the roll up, roll up, carnival way not a super charismatic way.   Where was I from?  What part of England is Wales in?  How did I meet Niles?  Easy questions really, Wales, not part of England but I was currently living there, which I get is confusing,  and through work.  I never mentioned what had happened between us.  Once I started to speak to one set of people,  they introduced me to more and then more.  A couple of hours later, I was very much enjoying this party, with interesting people and people walking around serving drinks so I didn’t need to go anywhere.  The drinking caught up with me though and I needed to go to the bathroom.  I did so but I was warm in the stupid jumper so I nipped outside to take a breath.  They had a swing set on the porch so I took advantage of a sit down and breathed in the cold air.  I didn’t notice Niles’s father leaning against the rails of the porch so when he said my name I nearly jumped out of my skin.

‘Your nerves are bad’ He commented. ‘Are you okay?’

‘True and I just needed some air.’

‘Can I join you?’, he asked and I moved aside to let him sit.  

He poured some whiskey into his glass and offered it to me.  I took it and waited for the warm liquid to hit my throat.  It did and I nearly choked.

Niles dad, I am just going to call him Martin from now on because he told me to call him by his first name.  Martin laughed.  ‘It’s strong stuff.’

I nodded and not one to be defeated knocked back the whole glass.

‘Not sure about that’, I croaked.  I can knock back the strong stuff, it doesn’t mean my throat likes it.

He poured more whisky and I handed him the glass to drink.

I know what you’re thinking.  Why was I sharing a glass with someone I barely knew and hadn’t there just been a global pandemic and hadn’t been told to stay indoors for practically a year and when Covid did finally catch up with me, hadn’t I been really ill despite having 2 vaccines?  The answer to all this was yes, and at that time, I didn’t care.  This was Niles’s dad.  Plus, he was obviously making an effort to get to know me.  It would be rude for me not to return this.

‘We listened to your podcasts’, he started with. 

‘Can I just apologise for the swearing?’

‘No you fucking can’t’, he snapped back,  ‘You have nothing to apologise for.  My wife and I were listening in bed when you said our son, took your breath away, we both cheered.  You made an old man happy.’

‘Your son?’ I said joking.

‘Me,’ he quickly replied.  

‘I’d spend two weeks listening to him talk about this British lady and there she was telling the world she felt the same way.  You have no idea how much he needed that.’

It was the don’t hurt my son conversation which I had fully expected, actually more from his mother, but still.  This family obviously adored each other and it made me adore them even more.  I knew I’d have to be careful with this or it would be so much worse afterwards.  

After a couple of more sips, Martin said we should go back in and I went back into the main room, I made eye contact with Niles as a woman took my hand and lead me to another group of people to meet.  As the party finally started to slow and people were leaving, Amy found me and led me to a window nook to sit.  It was her turn to give me the not to hurt her brother speech I thought but it was the opposite.  She just wanted to get to know me and within minutes we were giggling like old friends.  My first impression of her was right.  She was everything I thought she would be, well not actually scary, just really impressive.   In her former life, she was a married human rights lawyer but now was a semi-retired divorcee, campaigning on behalf of pressure groups.  Amy was in her mid fifties so I am sure I could be as impressive as her in a few years’ time.  I was just a slow starter and still had to take titbits from her brother to make some money. 

‘Well Jess I think you are fabulous’, she told me.  ‘You have just one big blind spot, and here he is.’

Niles sat down beside me so I was in the middle.

Amy and Niles exchanged looks as if they were about to murder each other.

Niles took my hand.  ‘At least she likes you.  Can’t say the same about other women I’ve been with.’

Amy made an errggh sound.  ‘Especially not the last one.’

I looked to Amy to question this.    She nodded as an answer, and I wanted to know why, but would that be rude?  

I looked back to Niles but it was obvious he wasn’t going to explain so I changed the subject.

‘Did you have fun tonight?’

He swayed his head non committedly which was really annoying as I had done my part.

Somebody I’d been speaking to came in to say goodbye so I quickly swipped my hand away from Niles, got up, and said that it was lovely to meet them.

Niles and Amy just waved from the nook.

‘I’ll go and help with the clean up’, I announced but Niles jumped up and pulled me back.

‘My parents are paying big bucks for people to do that and I want to spend time with you.’

I thought well you’ve had all night to do that. We had acknowledged each other but he wasn’t particularly keen on spending time with me.  Then he would have to tell people that we were in some sort of relationship.

‘Jess stay up and watch movies with me.’ Amy asked excitedly 

‘Okay,’ I said quickly.

‘No, what did I just say?’ Niles said as quickly back.

Yeah, now everyone has gone I thought but I promised myself I would make this easy for him.

‘Can Niles watch movies with us, Amy?’  I asked obviously joking and I got him to smile which was all I needed.

Music

I slept well, well for me anyway.  I was prepared for whatever this day would throw at me.  I had survived a party relatively unscathed and even if his family didn’t like me, it was obvious that they were too dam polite to tell me.  We were to be up early for breakfast and it wasn’t until I noticed Niles putting on a suit that I even questioned it.  You know what sleep and optimism do for you.

‘Okay, there is one more thing I should have mentioned.  We go to church on Christmas morning.’

I actually did that wait what thing.  Church?  Niles mentioned he had been brought up to go to church, he hadn’t mentioned this was a current thing.  I was beginning to lose my patience but I internally counted to ten before speaking again.

‘Okay, I will wait for you here.’  I told him.

‘I’d really appreciate it if you come.  It would make mom happy and I haven’t been around so much lately with my trips to the UK’.

It was my fault then he hadn’t been the good son.  What a stone-cold bitch I was turning out to be.  I mean, how does this even work?  I rock up to a church, don’t join in anything and then when people ask why I am with the family, I announce I am a long-lost cousin visiting?  Here’s the thing.  You may say well why don’t you just question it or say no, or just completely punch his lights out?  I was the visitor though.  When it’s their family and their traditions, I have to fit in.  It’s been the same pretty much all my life, you get invited to places because people feel sorry for you but then you are tied into doing whatever traditions they have.  The loneliest place most of the time, is around other people.

‘Please Jess, I promise it will be good after this.’

He couldn’t promise that, but I relented anyway.

‘Okay but if I explode in flames on entering that church, it’s on you.’

Music

Church wasn’t so bad.  Niles’s mum had put on this amazing breakfast spread which was far too much for five people.  There were croissants, fruit, pancakes, and cheeses, and as I was loathed to waste food, I was pretty much high on sugar with all the grapes I consumed.  That bolstered me.    There was a choir singing Christmas songs and I just zoned out for the prayers and sermon.  Considered it character-building.  I was introduced to more people and was told my accent was quaint.  I just find it annoying.  When there was one particularly talkative man, it was Amy, not Niles who rescued me from the conversation obviously not wanting the man to think we were linked.    I thanked her profusely as she led me down the path of the church and straight into her car.  I thought she would wait for Niles but instead, she started up the car, extended her middle finger up at him and drove away.  They had a ‘good-natured’ full-on row about it when he returned home with his parents. 

It was time to zoom call Niles’s daughter Rose.  It was to be a family thing but Niles was going to spend time with her alone after that.  I said all along it would be inappropriate for me to be involved as we hadn’t met properly.  I said I would go to the bedroom and read.  Niles’s mother told me in no uncertain terms I wasn’t.   She told me to follow her.  There hadn’t been time or an inclination the day before for a tour so when she led me through a small hallway and a door I had no idea what absolute joy I was about to experience.  It was a library.  A beautiful room with rows of books,  a moveable staircase for the hard-to-reach books, two comfy chairs and an old-school mahogany desk.  I was in heaven. 

‘I knew you’d like this honey.’ She told me and let me in.  ‘Read what you want, sit where you want, and enjoy some peace.’

I could barely say thank you I was so gob-smacked. 

‘We’re just so pleased you’re here.’ She said and left me.

And I spent the best hour I had ever spent on a Christmas Day for about thirty years.

After Niles dragged me out of the library, it was present time.  I went into my suitcase, got my mini Santa sack and put it under the tree.  They’d all opened a present each with Rose but there still seemed to be a decent amount of presents under it.  Especially considering I wasn’t having any so it was surprising when Niles’s father announced the first present was from him to me.  I was taken aback, hadn’t realised they would even consider it.  They watched as I ripped open the paper and it was perfume.  My perfume, the one I usually wear.  Niles must have mentioned it so I kissed his father’s cheek to thank him.  He flinched a bit and I thought I had overstepped.  The next present was also for me, from Niles’s mum.  She had bought me a beautiful and expensive delicate gold bracelet.  I knew they had money but that was a stupid amount to pay for someone you didn’t know and only been seeing your son for a few months.  It felt uncomfortable and I didn’t know what to do because I had obviously overstepped with her husband.  I saw a look exchanged between Amy and her mother.  Despite all that, I didn’t feel I had a choice so reached over and kissed her cheek and thanked her. 

I caught a look between Amy and Niles then before she announced the next present was also for me. 

‘What’s going on?’, I asked.

‘Nothing’, Niles replied obviously lying.

Amy handed me a present and it was a pair of earrings.  They were tiny, delicate, and matched the bracelet.  This was ridiculous.  I had only bought them token presents and I started to feel a bit sick.

‘These presents are lovely but I don’t feel I know you well enough to accept them.’

They all shot looks at each other and then daggers at Niles.  The penny finally dropped.

‘Are these from you Niles?’

Niles deep sighed.  ‘I’m sorry Jess.  I just really wanted you to have these.  I didn’t care if you didn’t know they were from me’.

The rest of them started to apologise too and I told them not to worry because they felt bad about it.  I would consider what I felt about it later.

I immediately gave them their presents which Niles told me not to buy but I could see he was happy that I had done it anyway.    I bought Niles’s dad a bottle of whiskey from a Welsh distillery and an apron that said Brenin Coginio, which is cooking king in Welsh I think, his mother a blanket which was made in Wales which I had to vacuum pack to get here and a Welsh Lovespoon, and Amy a bottle of Gin from a Welsh distillery and a citrus scented candle which had Cariad on it which is Welsh for love but not necessarily a romantic love.  There was a theme here I know.  I had never met them before yesterday and I could only go on what Niles had said and the fact I was from Wales.  Not amazing in itself, just something different for them and personal for me.

Honestly, you’d have thought I had bought them the crown jewels.  They just loved them.  I had a load of hugs.  Niles seemed elated and whispered thank you to me.  At least he wasn’t embarrassed by me here.  He also loved the shirt and watch I bought him.  The watch I had engraved with a date.  My birthday, I joked it was so he’d never forget but obviously that date meant so much more to us.  I had more presents too from his parents and Amy plus a few other presents from Niles.  It seems I am diminishing them wrapping them up in a sentence but they were all thoughtful and I was hugely grateful for them all.  After all the presents were given, Niles’s mother announced we were having turkey for lunch because it was traditionally British.  I hoped there would be Christmas crackers too.  Listener, there were no crackers.

Music

By the evening I had drunk too much, eaten too much, and loving that feeling.  Niles’s mum insisted we all got into comfy PJ’s to watch TV.  She had bought everyone a pair, even me.  They were too big which was brilliant because if they were too small I would have definitely sat there with my bra showing as the buttons strained around my breasts and insisted it was fine.  It’s what polite people did.  Apparently, it was a tradition to watch It’s A Wonderful Life.  Something else Niles hadn’t mentioned but at least this one was a good surprise, if you listened to my holiday special you’d know.  I sat nestled between Niles and his mother on the settee which seemed natural at first but then I saw Amy sitting on the armchair on her own and decided I was in her place, and she was most definitely in mine.  I asked Amy to save my seat as I left and she went over to snuggle into her mother.  It was how it should be.  Mother, daughter, father, son and I swear this was the first time it occurred to me.  But when I did it was like a sledgehammer.  I went into the bathroom and willed myself not to get overwhelmed by it.  I reminded myself that it had been a really lovely day and theatrics from me were going to take that away. 

Within seconds, I left the bathroom but instead of heading for the TV room, I went into the kitchen instead.  It was reasonable to get water so that’s what I did.  Run some cold water and started to drink.  Niles’s mother arrived shortly afterwards and I immediately thought I was in trouble.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you’, I stammered.

‘You’ve got to stop apologizing honey.  I told you to help yourself,’ it was kind of scalding but also really sweet.  She started pouring a glass of milk. 

‘I hope you don’t think I’m prying but have you spoken to your mom today?’

I was a little taken aback but her tone didn’t suggest anything other than concern.

I shook my head, ‘We sent each other emails last week wishing Merry Christmas.’

‘Then you need to hear this.  Spending just a day in your company I know you are worth a million of her.’

And maybe if I hadn’t just realised that Niles’s family could have been my family if not for the crash that wiped out half of it or maybe if I just hadn’t been just been drinking or maybe I just wasn’t used to people being kind to me but tears started to fall.  I apologized again and she admonished me again but she hugged me.  So tight and I wished she was my mother except that would have been really weird with me sleeping with her son.

Niles came in and was immediately concerned.  ‘Mom I leave you with her for two minutes.’

His mother moved away and left us to it.  Niles came up to me, and started cupping my face, asking me what’s wrong.  It was the first time he’d seen me cry.  He’d heard about it but never actually witnessed it, 

Through the sniffing I told him nothing was wrong, and he was very lucky.’

‘I know, it’s the devastating good looks and money.’

‘You’re also a dick.’ I interrupted.

‘Yeah, that too. ‘

Niles hugged me and I willed myself to stop.  Right there, in a huge kitchen in someplace, I’m not going to say because it’s a small town., Niles survived my first meltdown.

Music

As I finished brushing my teeth in the ensuite, I walked into the bedroom and was confronted with an odd sight.  Niles was smiling.  I mean continuously.  He smiles a lot but you have to earn that.  I thought well it didn’t take long for me to send off the charts batshit crazy.  He acknowledged me so I guess that he wasn’t so far gone.  He lifted up his arm, so I climbed into bed and snuggled into him.  

‘Today has been perfect.’ He announced.

Well apart from you not telling me about church, then you making me go to church, then you ignoring me outside of the church, then you and your sister having a row in front of me, then you forcing your family to give me your presents and I having to accept them, then no Christmas crackers, and finally your mother making me cry, apart from that.  I didn’t say all that. I nearly did but then I thought of the library and agreed it had.

I moved his hand so I could lie properly in bed, so he did the same.

‘Best Christmas Day since back when Rose was small.  Thanks Jess’

‘I don’t know what you’re thanking me for, it was your parents that did all the hard work.’

‘Yeah but you made it perfect,’ he said in all sincerity.  And I thought good because he had no idea how many times, I had to count to ten to make sure that happened.

‘My family love you’

‘I love them too’, I replied but it just made me feel sad so I turned my lamp off and moved into our sleeping position.

Niles turned his lamp off too and moved to wrap himself around me.

‘I love you,’ he whispered.

‘I love you too’, I replied.  And I did and I did love his family.  But tomorrow we were going back to New York and I, with maybe the exception of Amy, would probably never see them again.  Then I’d have to go the rest of my life knowing there was a perfect family making perfect memories and I got a glimpse of them before Niles came to his senses.