Today I am discussing how to apply the same coaching concepts to bigger social injustices so you can learn how to manage your mind.
Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/socialcrisis
Today I am discussing how to apply the same coaching concepts to bigger social injustices so you can learn how to manage your mind.
Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/socialcrisis
[00:00:00] Hello, everyone, I hope you will well, and if not, I got you. At least you are here, sir. I'll be honest with you guys, I'm not feeling the best. I have thyroiditis at the moment and hopefully when you receive this episode, it's gone. But I'm doing my best to manage it and really love myself through it. And I did a lot of thought work on this episode today, which I'm still figuring out the title. But basically, the reason I am want to talk about this topic is due to the Ukraine war, which has just started, and I think his life coaches. There is a little bit of a fear around talking about it because I'll be completely honest with you, I've never lived through a war and I don't know that or understand that experience. And I also believe it is the responsibility of the coaching industry to continuously be elevating themselves so that they can help people going through what ever it is now. What I mean by that is traditionally life coaching. I would say was seen. As for a very privileged white people and their issues coaching, you know, wasn't going to tackle really, really bigger issues or bigger social issues even. And over time, as the industry has started to grown, as we have seen some of the I guess you can say, benefits or work done during the pandemic as well, I do feel it is our responsibility to make life coaching available for everyone.
[00:01:41] But I did have a lot of thoughts about this. I thought really hard about whether I should be recording this episode and this isn't to make it about me, but I do know I have some people who listen who are coaches here, and it was interesting. What popped up for me was that I can't talk about this one. I haven't been through this, but also to it goes against what coaching really is. And I was like, Hmmm, Brain, what is coaching then? And what came up for me was it's being able to use your mind to change your life. And I was like, Actually, that's not true, because here's the thing where I'm at the privilege that I have to live in Australia to be. Yes, I had a little, you know, I had work stress and it was it became a detriment to my physical health. But I wasn't fleeing from war. I had the ability to use coaching to, I guess you could say, guide the direction in my life. But really, what coaching is coaching is being able to manage your mind during life because there is a complete, we have absolutely no control. Coaching is the inner work. It's the ability to manage your mind during the changes of life which are ever present and always there. That is what I wrote down and came up for me. That is truly what coaching is.
[00:03:12] The fact is, some really bad stuff like I could have been fired for all I know during my job. It's like, we have no control. Yes, I can do my best to live intentionally and cultivate that life. But I do have. Yes, I do have a level of privilege to be able to do that. But coaching shouldn't just be for people in that level of privilege, if that makes sense. It should be available and open and accessible to everyone, regardless of where they are at, because it does have like, think about it, it's the ability to manage your mind with life's craziness. And yes, it's impossible to think like but Michel, there is a war going on, and I think I want to address this two ways. I'm first going to address this as from the outside in. So and I'll give you the example that I used when it came to and I felt comfortable, more comfortable talking about this for feminism and around like like a woman getting I'll explain in a minute I felt while talking about that because I am a woman and I have like being in situations where like this is kind of like in situations where this could have happened to me. So the example I gave was from the outside in right is when I saw I would hear on the news. Another woman has died. She's being attacked typically by male violence, and she's died.
[00:04:50] And I used to get very, very angry and I would sit mull on it, buffer away from it and then just kind of. Wait till news was talking about something else, and I noticed how angry I used to get. And I wasn't processing any of that. I realized and I put it into a model and was almost like, I just kept repeating this cycle of wanting it, like waiting for it to go away. So I didn't have to delve into it, so I could keep in my mind that I had some control and everything was safe. I didn't want to go back to it, but I realized, is this how I want to show up in this world because it is happening? There is a there is a person dying each week, like right now there is a wall and there is loss of life on both sides. And I realized from that experience I wasn't going to be able to do anything. And when I put it into a model, I just wasn't happy with my results and I realized I needed to sit a lot with the emotions of what was happening and then really think intentionally around how do I want to show up for myself and what can I control? What can I do, whether it be donating, whether it be like potentially volunteering, whether it be like I want? That's one of the reasons why I wanted to do that episode, maybe using my platform to get the word out.
[00:06:18] And I really I did the same thing here. I was coming from a place of fear and I would say for any life coaches as well listening. I think there is potentially a little bit of fear around talking about the topic and around whether coaching is a place for it. But I also, at least for me, I do believe that it is not fair. I believe to confine coaching to certain topics and certain issues that we, even as a society think is, I could say, acceptable and, you know, OK to discuss and I'm not saying I'm in the right place to talk about it. What I mean by that is like, I'm a white Maltese Australian woman. I do not believe that I am at liberty to to be speaking on indigenous or people of color's social issues. And I also believe that this work needs to spread out to as many people as possible so that the right people can speak on those issues so that there is representation in all areas. So that I guess that's my spiel, sir. But that is one of the reasons as well why I want to talk on this topic. And again, taking it from two sides. So when it comes to this war, I really encourage you to explore your thoughts around it and all your fears and what you're afraid of.
[00:07:51] Like what is popping up for you? For me, it was literally just about like, should I even be talking about this and what should I be doing to help? Like, what can I be doing to help? It's really exploring those thoughts and asking yourself, just keep asking why to yourself, because they potentially could be a lot of shame. The fact is, like, I live in Australia, I live conflict like free, and that is a privilege. And there is also a little bit of shame around that as well. But I get to live here while there are others not just in Ukraine, but other people in the world suffering immeasurably suffering. But I was born into this family and you know, I'm OK. The problem is put that into a model. Say what you get. Is it helpful? Like, is it actually creating some change? It isn't. And that's not to say, by the way, that you should go off, do a model and create change. But again, it's about learning how to manage your mind when life shit happens. And I'm telling you, like, there's life shit as in like, you know, work stress and stuff, you know, stuff like that, like life stuff within. I'm talking about like circles right within your immediate circle of life. And then there's bigger shit like this fucking walls and stuff and horrible things happening. And as a society and I see it within myself as well, it's almost like we sit and we watch and we feel helpless.
[00:09:32] How many of us have seen what's happened? And just like all these emotions have popped up and we want to buff all when I say buffer like numb out, we freak out like our brains are on fire. Like, it's like they had the house metaphor I talk about with emotions. We're either running into it or running away as a society. How is that helpful? Because I think there's two things is one. Think internally like a. Again, this isn't to shame people that you're not doing enough or you should be doing stuff. Never use anything with a should. So I said I was going to talk about this two ways, right? So let's talk about from the perspective that we are sitting here watching what's happening, freaking out, having a lot of thoughts and feelings. One is processing it because all that anger, shame, emotion, like what is it doing to you? I can tell you what it did to me. It kind of cool, just a little bit of mild thyroiditis. And that just like it's just not helpful, like you're allowed to feel those feelings. But I don't like really address Are you feeling them? Are you sitting with them in your body? Are you letting them be there? Are you letting the shame sit in there? And are you accepting the fact that in this life, we really have no control because I sit here and think sometimes like, fuck, I am so lucky that I'm here.
[00:11:02] But yes, the fact is, I am here. I can't change it. I live in Australia, I'm here and there are people that are suffering worse for me. I cannot change that. It's not to be negative or rude, but it's to accept reality. That's the second part. It's literally as part of that. It's accepting your reality because a lot of that emotion, a lot of that avoidance that you don't know that either extreme anger or like wanting to numb out. That is not some of it is coming from. I don't want to accept reality, which is what I used to do when I saw on the news one woman one week dying, I would wait. I would buffer until the news was talking about something else. And it's like great. My controlled reality of everything is equal and fine is is back. But that isn't the reality. It's accepting that this is happening and that it is painful and that, like you and everyone is, is feeling it. And that's OK and you're allowed to feel that way. And if you have a little thoughts about what should I do? Like what? What can I be doing? It's a again, it really is processing your immersion because I found, at least for me when I was coming from this really kind of when I wasn't processing my emotions, I'm not doing something.
[00:12:20] Not that you don't get stuff done, like pretty sure, like, you know, the feminist revolution and no one had thought work back in, like the 1800s and people got stuff done. But it is, at least for me. I found a more wholesome and more like I could keep going if that makes sense. It was just a I don't want to say better place to come from, but it's just that you could kind of it was more consistent, like the energy was more consistent because I was coming from that place was coming from a clearer mind of intention. I was intentionally thinking objectively, how do I want to feel about this? How do I want to treat myself during this? And even with the Ukraine wall, I realized I don't I. For me, I want I know what I want in my heart. Like, look internally as well. Like, What do you want to do? For some of you, it might be. I want to fucking process this. I want you sit in a blob. I want to be a warm puddle of milk, and I want to just lull myself. Maybe a little bit of buffering, but also processing that is allowed. And I think there are times and places for that 100 percent. And that was me for a little bit as well. And the second part.
[00:13:31] Some of you might be at is, OK, I want to fuckin do something. What do I want to do? Put that shit into a model. How do you want to feel? And no, it's not like, I want to feel like I don't. I don't want to do that. I want, you know, I want to put happy in there. But like, how do you want to feel within yourself? How do you want to come in? For me, when I did this model, it was just feeling compassion and calm. And I know that that's going to produce so much better results for me. And I looked at what actions I would be taking, and I looked at as well ask, what is in your control? Looking at what a control you, accepting the reality, accepting where you're at and then asking what you do have in control gives you from the outside in so much power. Because I can donate, I can use my platform. I can, you know, maybe write some posts. I'm going to put some, some links for you guys. If you want to go donate like I can spread the word I can like and ihe is the thing. It doesn't sound like a lot, but when millions of us are doing that, it does create some social change. It does create change even if it's a little bit. But when we have this belief that it's not going to do anything, then nothing changes.
[00:14:54] And you know, I'm not saying that me terminating is going to stop a whole war. But it's just that tiny little incremental shift. You know, maybe that money goes towards some people who really need it like, I'm talking basic stuff here, like it helps people in Ukraine like a family, get some food for the night when they've just, you know, had to run away from their home, like it's those small little things that do add up. And that's the power of this work. It's think about it like this is a shame you, but it's almost like you have a level of privilege, right? Because I'm talking about outside in right, as in like people watching a war happen. You have this ability to create some change and you're in a position where you can pretty safely do the work on yourself to process and create some change if that's what you want to do. Because again, another thing as well. It's all I think I'm trying to explain it like the butterfly effect, even if you don't like donate or anything like that, right? Even if you do the work to process the emotions so that you can, you know, be comfortable or something at your job, it's still like you have that mental clarity. So maybe later on you go do something else. It's a butterfly effect. I always like the example that was actually used from the life coach university and our leader.
[00:16:26] She's amazing. She did some free coaching during the pandemic for, I think it was like a British film editors or something like that. And all she said was, Oh, you know, it's free, like, just pay it forward. And what happened was a person like, you know, was at a coffee shop and there was someone there outside like they were, they were pool. They weren't well off and she just was like, that just popped up in her head. It was like, pay it forward. And then she was. She bought them a coffee, ended up being friends with them, ended up teaching him some coaching and then buying some shoes. And that person messaged her back saying, I don't think that would have happened if it wasn't for coaching. If it wasn't for, you know, you saying that whole, pay it forward. This is what I mean. It is. It's like a butterfly effect. If I can spread this out to someone, maybe this inspire someone else and you know, it keeps going on. It's a flow on effect, so you do what feels right for you. So to recap, process your emotions, sit with them. Notice them. What are you feeling in your body? Where does it start? Do a body scan? Secondly, write out all your thoughts. Empty that handbag. What's all in there? Empty it out. Ask yourself why? Ask yourself if you're feeling whether it's shame, depression, whatever.
[00:17:46] Like, get lost yourself. You know why you feel like this, why it matters, etc. like really? Get to those root thoughts. Put that in an unintentional model. What do you get? What does it look like, then, when you're ready? Look at how do you want to feel? How do you want to feel moving forward and also before this as well? Look at as well. How can you accept reality? Because when you can accept that we have no control in this world, we truly like, you know, God don't know, the sun could explode tomorrow. Very unlikely. But it could, you know, like when you can accept that you can let go of trying to control stuff, trying to control everything or create a bubble in your mind that you can control it, then you can look at objectively from a clear place. What can I control? What can I do? And that's where you can start to come with actions that create like a butterfly effect, an amazing change on a final note. And I'll be honest, I've rerecorded this part multiple times. I don't exactly know how to say it, but I feel I want to say something. The reason being is because recently, a few weeks ago, before the war happened, I did start to pop up in the self-improvement charts in Ukraine. So if there is someone in Ukraine going through this, listening to this right now, I'm sorry this is happening to you.
[00:19:23] I sympathize with you. I don't want to say empathize because I've never been through a war right now and I'm coming from the outside in and I will do what I can with my platform to try get some of the message out there, you know, get in some donations. And if there is any other way that I can help feel free to message me. And if this has made you feel, if you've been listening before to this and this series has made series has made you feel just that a little bit more in control, like I'm happy it's there for you. Yeah, that's really it. This was an interesting episode. I had to do a lot of thought work on this one to make it about me to produce this. And I rerecorded the last part multiple times because I had a lot of mental trauma around it. But like I said before the work, when coaching came, I feel from a very privileged place and now I believe it should also be elevated and a. Expanded to address these types of issues as well, because this work is helpful on all levels. It can create a lot of change and living in a society where everyone has a managed mind. He's just going to be like greater for everyone and greater at whatever level. So, yeah, OK, see you.