Today I am discussing Burnout the stages and how to get through it !
In this episode I discuss how:
Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/burnout
Today I am discussing Burnout the stages and how to get through it !
In this episode I discuss how:
Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/burnout
[00:00:00] Hello, everyone. I hope you are well. And if not, I got you. At least you are here. So I still cannot believe I haven't done an episode on this yet. And it really hit me the other day. I was like, Oh my God, I have not done an episode on Burnout. That is like the key thing that got me to find out about life coaching or what it was all about was my crazy burnout cycles. So I'm doing an episode on it. I'm going to talk about it in detail, talk about a little bit of the history, my view on it, but most importantly, how to really solve for it, what is really worked for me and my clients, and that is what I'm going to be sharing in this episode. So just getting into it. What is burnout? What's it all about? Where did it come from? What's going on here? What's everyone talking about? So, look, you can Google this, but basically burnout. It's defined as just chronic stress that isn't being managed and it ends up leading to complete energy depletion or exhaustion. And also a little bit of like distancing, like you are emotionally distanced from yourself from to the job or the activity. For me, it's just this complete isolation that is being caused because of this complete intense burnout. It's almost like the end of a race and your body is like, I am completely done.
[00:01:31] And I think it's something that everybody has experienced. And I want to tell you a little bit about the history, because this is really interesting, right? So there was this psychologist called Hubert Freudenberger, and he actually was observing in New York some medical professionals. And he noticed how exhausted they were getting, like completely exhausted. So then he wrote a paper on it and it was called Burned Out, and he released his paper being like, okay, this is something that I've observed. This is like this new little thing I'm going to, you know, talk about it, release a paper. It was like it it was so popular. He got phone calls, letters, like all the psychologists and like there was a whole heap of attention on this study. It was really intense. And so many people were like, Oh, my God, you're speaking my language. I'm so happy that I'm not alone. This is how I feel. So it is something that has definitely been there for a really, really long time. And the reason I want to mention that is in society, like we know about burnout, it's it's definitely there, but I think it's it's different for everyone. It's always going to look different for everyone. And how interesting that this was happening, it was like an, you know, an underlying pandemic, you could say. And it wasn't until this paper was published that everyone was like, Oh, my God, hey, I'm going through the same thing.
[00:02:59] I am going through burnout from that. There's been a whole heap of studies done, especially the fact that if we are consistently exposed or exposing ourselves to burnout, it literally changes our brain. Some studies have shown that people will have enlarged dollars, which if you've listened to my previous episodes around intense, around, like, hey, here's some real sciencey kind of brain stuff around it that's really important in your stress response, your fight or flight and in emotional regulation. So that is a little bit bigger. It potentially means that you are going to be more emotionally reactive. You're going to be looking out for danger more, which makes sense because if you're exposing yourself to a stress consistently, your brain is going to adapt to that. So why is all of this important? I think it's just like key to note that this has been going on for ages and I still cannot believe it was found out, not until like the 1970s. And then people were like, Oh my God. Because I think sometimes we judge ourselves, especially in the burnout stages. We're like, We just shouldn't be like this. Everyone else is doing fine. No, they're not. They're not doing fine. No one, everyone else, everyone likes to do that and use that against themselves and crucify themselves. Like, yeah, everyone else is handling it and looking really good and doing millions of things.
[00:04:19] There is seriously, if I know this myself, I know this with my clients, I know this when I've talked to other close people who look like they had it together and then they didn't have it together. Like everyone is going through their own thing. Everyone is experiencing burnout completely differently and we are still understanding it. And we're as a society as well, we are still adapting. I talk about this a lot in my previous episodes around in, you know, industrialism and how we're not robots and we need to be using our prefrontal cortex, that thinking part of the brain, all of that, we're still adapting to that. I still think we're on the cusp and the edge of all that change and stuff. So give yourself some slack when you are in that burnout that you know, this is normal, you're human with your human brain and your stress response is just freaking the hell out. So types of people that I see this happening to and as a, you know, a person who is like all of this and I've just got listed here myself, people pleasers, perfectionists, but most importantly, and this is the key theme if you are a workaholic or an over worker like 100%, and that might sound like a very obvious one. But hear me out here. If you have been told, first of all, if people are telling you you work too much, then yeah, that's probably a sign that you have.
[00:05:47] Like workaholism and that you are potentially burning out. He's the really interesting thing is the thing that I saw myself. It's like I would rather go through these intense burnout cycles where I would just overwork myself, then process any emotion. And that is what another key thing that I see here when we get into this state of complete burnout and I'll show you, we'll go through the stages and stuff. You look at what's going on in your life and it's almost like your brain is like, don't want to deal with this right now or I'm just going to overwork on this thing and then you push yourself to the complete edge and then you almost like physically mentally collapse and then, you know, you collapse your you push yourself into account almost like a forced break or something, and then you almost go through it all over again. It's a little bit like a cycle, like, well, yeah, it is a cycle, but it's a little bit like habituation. I realized I started developing like, yeah, a burnout cycle. Like for me, I'm like, I don't want to process anything that's going on right now. I don't want to process any of this emotion associated with the fact that my grandfather is passing away from cancer. No, thank you.
[00:07:03] I will put all my work and effort and stuff into my work and then overwork myself. And he's the thing at the time. Even maybe when you're listening to this, this might not resonate with you because you don't realize it. I did not realize that I was doing this to myself. And like looking back now, I can see the patterns and I can see the trends. And that was through coaching that I was able to identify, Oh, this is what I'm doing, this is what I'm thinking, and this is how this cycle keeps going. And the reason I say is, well, for perfectionists and people pleasers, yeah, there's an element of like overworking because you're trying to make it perfect or you're trying to people please. So you might take on more than you can and you end up working into the night, but then we'll go. This leads in perfectly to the stages. You'll start to potentially neglect your own needs and then go into a burnout cycle. So here are the stages and these are based off really like my definition, you can type in burnout like stages and you know, there's five, 12 stages like whatever. Like there's a whole people define them multiple ways. But here is really the key finite list of what I see happens in my clients and myself. So the first one really is just ignorance. So your work level's up and there are a lot of things, but you kind of get a little bit of a rise with energy and you're like, okay, I can cope, I can do lots of things.
[00:08:36] What can sometimes tend to happen is a lot of those deep root thoughts about our self-worth that can potentially lead to people placing perfectionism I was talking about before. They can kind of pop up, but we kind of get this boost of energy, right? We're like, Yeah, I can do. I can do all these things. I can do all not all the things, but like, yeah, this is fine. Like, I can handle this. Like, your energy pops up, you might be offering a little bit more. So for me, my example was I got a new job and I was like, okay, like I really want to prove myself here. So I've got this kind of little bit of optimism and I'm like a little bit perked up. Like, Yes, I can do it. Why have I called it ignorance? Because what happens in this stage of ignorance as well is self neglect. That's why I call it ignorance. You are so focused on doing the work, I guess you can say solving for some of those deep thoughts that you may have about, you know, I need to work harder, I need to prove myself in my job. I need to prove my self worth whatever it is that you, it's you start to neglect your own needs.
[00:09:48] And then this is the start of the burnout cycle. And this is where people I'll talk about this later need to recognize what their triggers are. The reason I say this is because this is a perfect time in the ignorance stage when you start to neglect some self needs. This is where you can. This is where literally you stop the burnout. I honestly believe this is where you stop it. But the problem is you get into later cycles and then you start doing all things like meditation or thought work and stuff like that. And it's a lot more challenging to do when your stress response is kicking in. So what I mean by self neglect, it's oh, it's okay, I'll work, you know, I'll work back an hour, which is fine, right? You work back an hour and then an hour the next time it turns into 2 hours and then the next 2 to 3 hours and then the next night to the 4 hours, and then it just keeps going. And then you're going to bed later and then you waking up earlier and then you're getting less sleep. Then maybe you stop exercising, or maybe you do exercise, which I'll talk about in a little bit. Around the burnout stage, you start to do things that is impacting. Your normal routine.
[00:10:57] Anything that was supporting you before, whether it be making sure you get more sleep, etc., starts to decline and they are all supporting factors. So you start to neglect yourself. You start to remove those supporting factors. And then what happens is our fight or flight or our stress response kicks in. Because what happens is we're like, okay, I'm doing all the things. I'm neglecting myself. There are so many things going on here, but it's not like it's it's not changing. It's not going away. And then what this starts to turn into where we start, we start doubling down on what we were doing before in the ignorance stage. And we're like, Got that energy? You're like, Okay, I'm just going to work harder. I'm going to, you know, work late into the night. I'm going to get up. Earlier, we doubled down on the self, you know, neglecting ourself. And then what we'll do to get through it is we will typically numb out but to the extreme. How many of you have worked late into the night, feel completely exhausted and then gone and ordered a ton like some take away? Not shaming you here have done it to take away. You'll like like I was just when I was in this cycle just bingeing on takeaway every day because I wanted a hit. I wanted to feel better. And then I would like watch some shows, you know, a little bit late into the night and then I'd go to sleep really late and then wake up really early, and then I'd do it all again because I didn't want to process any of the emotions.
[00:12:36] Am I? So my firefighter is telling me something is wrong. I don't feel like I'm coping and I'm ignoring it. And I would say just before you hit that burnout stage, you're still in a state of ignorance. You're still like, no, things are fine. Like it's a little bit stressful, but it's okay, but your body is starting to scream at you. It's like, Hey, you need to listen to me. Something is wrong. There is something here that is stressful and you're not dealing with it and you just keep doubling down. You're like, No, we're just going to push through it and get through it. And then what happens is you can get into this little bit of like a depression stage. And what I mean by that is you feel a little bit isolated. You're kind of apathetic to your job and to yourself and you're like, Fuck, like, oh. Like, geez, like, is it really like this, this monotonous monotony, this can we keep going and cycling through this all the time? You start to blame the job you might like, take this out on your partner. And then what happens is your body is like, you are not listening to me.
[00:13:43] It your brain thinks your job is danger and the danger is going to eat you. That's what it thinks right now. It is your limbic system. It is the oldest part of your brain. It is telling you something is wrong and you are not listening to it. So what does it do that will manifest into physical symptoms? And then you have a complete breakdown almost. You may like me be having morning diarrhea. You may not want to eat anything. You might lose a ton of weight. This is when you have pushed your body to such extremes that it is now having to. The stress is coming out in a physical symptom to get you to stop. It's like you are not listening to me, so I am going to do something really loud so you can hear me. How about pooping your pants every morning? How about no food? Because we are in such a stressed state. How about that? And then you're like, Whoa, what is going on? It feels terrible. Then typically you would stop. You would stop then and then you might take some stress, leave or whatever, and then you recuperate, recover. And then what typically can happen is the same thing can happen, not straight away, but the same cycle can happen. And it's absolutely exhausting and it is no way to live. And if you are new here, you've just found this episode.
[00:15:10] Please listen to my other episodes because I talk a whole heap around emotions, the brains and thoughts. But this is no way to live and it is happening everywhere all the time. I know people who have gotten hives from actual stress, from really thoughts in our brain. Due to like thoughts in our brain about work. And that's not to dismiss how you're feeling right now in the moment about work. But this isn't something that can physically kill us. Me missing a deadline. I'm not going to literally die, but my brain is thinking I'm in extreme danger and then I am neglecting myself further. I'm not taking care of myself. I'm not listening to myself. So it's getting louder. It's like, Hey, Michelle, you need to go down, listen to me and do something. And then we feel this of me that stay. When you're just between burnout and the collapsed state where you're in this absolute like, I just can't do this anymore. This, like, belief that you have to keep working, that this is too much. What is the point? It's just complete, like emptiness and isolation. It's just so much. It's so it is heavy and it is painful. And no one should have to go through this like. Like it makes complete sense to me in my brain. If I am in physical danger, I am going to feel extremely stressed.
[00:16:44] That makes sense. What's challenging and I talk about this so much, please, if you are new here, listen to my other episodes. I talk about a whole heap of this, about if you're curious about your thoughts and the brain and how it's impacting your stress. I clear that up for you in my other episodes really clearly, and I want to bring this point up. What really confuses me, and this is why I say our brains are not updated or not updated like software here. Our brains have not adapted for the 21st century. It's still things were living in the desert with direct threats of animals to us, because our threats now are like a rude or harsh email from our boss about a deadline. But that's not a direct threat to our survival. And then sometimes we can have an extreme response. And because of our thoughts, our brain interprets everything through our thoughts. If we think something is stressful, guess what? Your stress response is going to kick in. It's stressful. It's going to that's what it's there to do. It's like, okay, you need me. You need me to deal with this. You need me to deal with a lion, right? We need to run away from it or we need to fight it, whatever it is. But the thinking part of your brain is like, well well, actually, here's the thing.
[00:18:01] No, it's just like a deadline. It's it's okay. We don't need to necessarily have that reaction. There's such a disconnect. And the more people know about this, this is why I do this podcast and I'm talking about this all the time. More people know this and understand this is at least going to give you the power to go out and change it. So now I want to go through how can you solve for it? So the first one is going to sound super basic, and if you are actually burnt out right now, you're going to be like, What the fuck, Michelle? But hear me out. You need to recognize, you need to recognise your triggers and patterns, which is what I was talking about before. You're going to think it's stupid. Trust me, it's not. You're going to be able to avoid it in the future. If you're in the burn out right now, I have stuff for you. Give me a second. So what I want you to do is look at times when you burnt out, and I want you to write it in detail. What happened up to that burnout? What were you doing and what were you thinking? Like, what was happening? I will give you an example. For me, the most recent time I burnt out what was happening? Grandfather passing away from cancer, a pandemic moving house, a new job. I'm thinking I have to do a good job.
[00:19:25] I have to be the best. I have to help people. I have to help my mom. A lot of shoulds in there. How was I treating myself? I was you know, I started working normal hours and then over time, I started to work back and back. I started to work on weekends. What was I thinking? I was getting resentful of myself and the job. Like, look at everything you were doing and start to pick out what your triggers are for me, and if this has happened a couple of times for you, you'll start to see patterns seriously. Write out every single burnout scenario. You will be able to identify those triggers from there. Because what I found for me, what I found with my clients as well says always seems to be some sort of key trigger that kind of pushes the burn out cycle. For me, it is drastic change when I go through and it doesn't have to. It can be at work or it can be in my personal life when there are lots of changes happening all at once. And my like, that's when the burnout happens. I don't want to process for me and this is what I was talking about before with overworking. I did not want to process any of the emotions or any of my thoughts or recognize any of those thoughts that I had around the changes around a pandemic and my grandfather dying and times before that.
[00:20:48] The same thing I don't want to recognize changes around going into this new job with this new thing. I'm like, Nope, everything's fine. Everything. It's like, it's like the meme with the dog in the house of the fire. It's like everything is fine. That's what I was doing. And then suddenly the fire is like all around me, and I'm just like, Oh, my God, help. So you need to recognize that because what I want you to get better at doing is identifying when you're about to start a burnout cycle. You cannot be doing meditation, walks, baths in the in the burnout and collapse stage. If I'm honest, it it helps, but it doesn't work to get rid of the burnout. If you want to stop the burnout, you need to do that in the in that ignorant stage like and look, I don't expect after a while with training like you be able to know when you're in that ignorant stage, but it's really that burnout cycle isn't peaking until you start neglecting yourself. So if you're able to identify those, you can start to see it and you can start to stop. It would do this, especially if you're out of a burnout cycle. If you just finished one, please do this really easy questions. Look at the scenario. What was happening? Ask yourself what were you doing and what were you thinking? You'll start to pick up patterns, you'll start to figure it out.
[00:22:13] And it's great to do it outside this because if you're listening to this and you were in a burnout cycle, I feel you. I really do, because I was also listening to episodes. I was when I was going through burnout, being like, how do I fix my burnout? Help me? And I would hear this stuff and I'd be like, It's too late now. I'm in the cycle. What do I do to Lord damn things? First of all, listen to my other episodes. Seriously, they are going to help you. Secondly, I need you to start writing out what you're thinking, because what's fueling this burnout cycle is also your thoughts. And this is what I go through in depth with my one on one clients. In my coaching, we look at those deep rooted thoughts that are really fueling this burnout, that are pushing you down this burnout rabbit hole, those questions and those thoughts around your self worth. For me, mine was I have to keep working. I would always say that to everyone. No, I have to keep working. It's just it's the job. It's just so like I can't I can't not work. I've got to keep working. I just got to keep going. But what was lying underneath that? Ask yourself why.
[00:23:29] Why do you have to keep working? Keep writing out answers and find the answer to that, because for me, I had to keep working because I had to prove I was worthy. And. I kept replaying that burnout cycle all the time with a new change. It was like, I have to prove it. I have to prove it to myself. I have to prove it to others. I You're in that state right now. There's going to be a ton of these best thing to do. Just get your thoughts all out on paper. What are you thinking about? Everything right now. Find a key thought. That's really a sticking point for you. For me, it was like, I have to keep working and ask yourself why. Then you're going to see what's called the root thought. The thought that is fueling all of this awareness of this itself is so important because our brains are all these sit at a subconscious level and our brains are constantly trying to find evidence of, is this true? Now I have a whole other episode. I think it's like episode one or between episode one and three. I literally talk about exactly what I'm going to tell you, which is how to challenge them. Go to that episode, listen to that. But the biggest thing you also need to do right now is process your goddamn emotions, which is also part of that 1 to 3 episodes.
[00:24:45] I know it sounds so effing basic, but here's the thing. The problem with the burnout cycle is think of it like a pot and you're boiling all this water and the pot needs to blow like it's going to bubble up and steam. What I'm telling you to do is just lift the. Pot. Oh, my God. Lift the pot. Lift the lid. I couldn't find the word for lid. Lift the lid a little bit and let some steam out. It's going to feel like shit. It's going to feel nice, I'm telling you that right now. But it is better than getting to that complete end state. Like, listen to your body. All you need to do is sit there and be with that emotion that whether it be that complete stress, that intense kind of fire that you're feeling to like do everything, that frantic energy, just notice it. Notice the physical sensations in your body. You can, like close your eyes and do it like a little scan if you want, or if it's that you're in that state where you're like, Oh my God, I'm just over this. Like, What am I doing? Be with your body, listen to your body. I know it sounds so bloody basic. I thought to myself, not this cannot be it. You're letting a little bit of steam out of the pot right now. Your body is.
[00:26:05] You're like, Hey, I hear you stress response. I hear what you're saying. It's okay. Like I've got this. Your process, emotional processing is so key to all of this, especially when it comes to burnout, especially if you're the type of person that is overworking and neglecting your needs. Your body is telling you something. It's like, Hey, hello, I need you. I need you to, like, do some stuff here. So key, if you're in that, sit with your emotions, be simple body scan physical sensations like a lump in the throat, tightness in the chest, sweaty palms label the emotion. I have an episode that goes into this in more detail, but this is so important. If you are in this stage and I'm telling you this right now. No, are you going to feel better straight away? No, you're not. It's going to come in waves, this this these emotions that what you're feeling. It's like burnout and all the emotions associated with it. It's going to come in waves, okay? It's going to like whoosh, feel like really, really intense. And then it's going to pass and it's going to come back again. I'm asking you to bear with me and ride the waves. Trust me, it will save you in the long run, instead of ignoring it for so long that you get to complete physical and mental exhaustion. So that is what I have for you today. I hope you found this episode really useful and really, like, take care. Bye.