The importance of understanding your Nervous System: What makes you unique?

Imagine finding your personal sanctuary, a 'zone of resilience' where every breath, every beat of your heart sings in harmony with peace and alignment. That's our journey today on the podcast, as we delve into the marvels of our nervous system and its hand in crafting our well-being. As your guide, Life Coach Jen, I'll lead you through the signs that whisper you're 'at home'—your breathing patterns, cravings, and even the subtleties of your posture. It's about grounding in the moment, finding comfort in our relationships, and discovering how environments anchor us to a sense of self. Together, we'll navigate the nuances of co-regulation and self-regulation to maintain an emotional balance that feels just right.

Now, let's talk about expanding that sense of resilience and facing the echoes of the past that might be holding you back. It's like revisiting an old memory that once brought pain—only this time, we're armed with a newfound strength and strategies to redefine those experiences. I'll share the powerful lesson learned when I stepped back into a shop that was once a stage for trauma, and how we can all grow by intentionally placing ourselves in situations that stretch our zones of comfort. By embracing and understanding our emotions, we build a healthy nervous system and steer towards a more fulfilled life. So, join in, as we embark on this transformative journey to heal, grow, and thrive together.

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My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:10

Hi friends, welcome to Happily. Even After I'm Life Coach Jen, a certified life coach that specializes in relationships. I'm a mom of four awesome kids and one amazing senora, a home decorator, a remodeler, a shopper, a scrabler and a snuggler. I want to help you with your relationships, mainly the relationship you have with yourself and your family and God. Thanks for listening and letting me share the tools I have learned that can help you live happily even after some of life's greatest challenges. Hey, friends, welcome to today's podcast. So I think this month I'm going to be talking a lot about our nervous system, just because I think it's such powerful knowledge and I want more people to learn about your nervous system. And the first area that I'm going to talk about is our home, or a lot of times people call it our zone of resilience. And it's where you feel the most aligned, the most in tune, where you kind of just like you have the feeling of like everything's going okay and if you're driving, don't close your eyes. But I just want you to create a picture in your mind and even draw it, like I've drawn this picture and I am not an artist, but when I think of what home feels like to me. It is on a beach with palm trees, the sun is out, there's a cool breeze, my kids are there, and that feels very like, I think, creating a picture. So if you're ever in a spot where, like I'm getting really dysregulated right now, you can kind of ground yourself by imagining this picture of what home feels like. Because when you think about that thing at least for me, when I close my eyes, I think about a palm tree I just automatically feel peaceful, relaxed, calm and safe. And so practicing creating those moments where you like some people, it's hiking in the mountains or skiing, it can be whatever you want it to be. It can be a completely like a made up scenario. It doesn't have to be real. Whatever you want to create, or whatever you feel and pay attention like who is there with you. So I'm just going to call our zone of resilience our home.

Speaker 1: 2:41

We kind of talked about that, and so what I'm going to do is I'm going to ask you some questions so you can kind of figure out like, okay, what is your zone of resilience? What is your breathing like when you're in your home, on your home base, on your home turf? Is it calm and slow? Chances are yes. So just kind of answer that question what foods do you want to eat, or what are you craving? What activities do you want to do? I like to exercise or go outside and clean, organize shop so things that I enjoy doing watching movies.

Speaker 1: 3:22

What are your sensitivities? Are you sensitive to light or sound or touch? So really get in tune with yourself and kind of answer these questions. What are your body sensations, your moods? When I am in home, I feel a lot of love, connection, peace, confidence, playful. So answer that.

Speaker 1: 3:50

What kind of emotions are you feeling? What's your mood like? What are your body postures, gestures, facial expressions? I'm relaxed, excited, I feel lighter, I have a full heart. What are your thoughts and stories? A lot of thoughts I have when I'm in my home is I can do this. It feels amazing, I've got this, I know what I'm doing, so a lot of confidence right.

Speaker 1: 4:24

What is your language like? What's your tone of voice? My kids are super sensitive to tone of voice and so when you're in your home, like, pay attention to your tone and pay attention to how your kids are responding, cause I think it's so important because a lot of times I don't think we necessarily are paying attention to that, but it matters because it creates safety for us, but also our children. What are your relationships like? What are your energy levels? Do you have more energy? What are your actions and movements like, and anything else that you can think of. There's four different places I want you to pay attention to when we're talking about your zone of resilience and are your emotions, because that's important Our calm, curious, confident, tolerant, open. There's so many different emotions, but paying attention to what your emotions are and we talked about our thoughts and what are your actions. So can you co-regulate, can you self-regulate? That's learning. That skill is so important.

Speaker 1: 5:41

If you've ever held a baby, that's really crying for you as a mother. If you get super stressed and they can feel that and it makes it worse, but if you can stay calm and hold that baby, that baby immediately calms down and that is co-regulating your nervous system with you and your baby. Even your kids or your teenagers. If you've ever been upset and just had a hug and you feel safe with the person that's hugging you, you can just immediately like your whole body. You can just feel it like I feel safe. So pay attention to moments and to people that help you do that and pay attention to your body, because your body is going to let you know like is it okay, am I home? If I feel safe.

Speaker 1: 6:34

The next thing I want you to do is who in your life helps you feel like home in your body, helps you feel in your zone of resilience. Is it your brothers or family members? It could also be someone that's passed away. Whenever I think of my brother, justin, I always feel home, and so it could be God. It could be listening to a coaching call.

Speaker 1: 7:05

It could be a pet. That's why pets a lot of people find pets so relaxing. I know my boys. I bought them a dog about five Christmases ago and they sleep with the dog every night and it just helps calm them down, it just helps relax them. They feel safe when dexter's on the bed snuggling up with them and they sleep so much better. So are there places like do you feel home when you go to church? Some people do and some people absolutely do not, and so and it could be a park or going on a hike in the mountains. So find where your home for me also the beach is. You know, that is where I can feel home. What helps you feel alive and safe? Is it riding a bike, playing a game, listening to music, creating something, taking a nap, doing yoga? There could be a million things that could help you feel like your home inside your body and write those down, figure those out. Pay attention to when you do something and you're like wow, that felt amazing. And write it down so you can know when you're dysregulated, like, oh, maybe I should go on a walk, maybe I should call my friend, because when I talk to Amanda, every time I talk to her, I feel I can get reconnected with myself, I feel safe.

Speaker 1: 8:43

Are there objects I love? I bought a heating blanket. It's like, it's amazing. I sleep with it every night because my feet are always cold and since I sleep by myself now I don't have anyone to put my feet on to get warm. And so I bought a heating blanket and it's amazing. And of course, then, after I'm not cold anymore, then I get super hot and I have to toss it off but like find like a warm, snugly blanket. A lot of people I've bought my kids weighted blankets. If you've never had one and you have a hard time feeling safe and regulated by a weighted blanket, they're amazing. Have a candle going, putting lotion on your skin, buying flowers, having a favorite food, looking at art there's lots of different objects that you could use to help self-regulate and get you in your zone of resilience Places I talked about that, beaches or mountains or a restaurant.

Speaker 1: 9:48

Do you have a favorite place that you can just go to? And if you can't go to it, you can think about it in your mind. That's the beautiful part of our minds. We can remember smells and feelings and, like I love big cities, I love New York, I can close my eyes and it just makes me happy.

Speaker 1: 10:05

Some people that like make some crazy and they get super anxious In your day, like do you prefer mornings or nights or afternoons? Do you like winter or summer? Do you prefer to be alone? What are some memories that really make you feel at home in your zone? So I just think learning this about yourself and a lot of us like we think we probably just haven't ever spent a lot of time and energy really thinking about these things and so just taking a few moments, even if it was during this podcast, and really paying attention, because when you're in we're going to talk about. You know, fight or flight and freeze and fun in the next few episodes, and so when you're in fight or flight, if you can bring yourself down into your zone, that can be really powerful. And then I also want to talk about how can you build your zone of resilience, because for me, and especially if you've had a lot of traumatic experiences in your life, you're going through some really difficult times like divorce or betrayal or a sickness, or there's a million things that are hard right now for people Job loss, so many things it can feel hard to get in that zone and I want to challenge you to practice widening your zone, because sometimes our zone gets super narrow during those times. But if we can practice widening it and I thought of a few examples so years ago, like I don't know, 26, 27 years ago I was robbed at gunpoint at Pier 1 imports.

Speaker 1: 11:55

Now, who does that, I don't know, but these guys did and I was terrified, like I. It was very traumatic and it took me years to go back into that Pier 1 import. It's because I felt very unsafe doing that and it was so interesting. Of course, I didn't know anything about my nervous system. I barely even know that. You know I labeled it a traumatic experience, and I think I went to some therapy the company paid for for a few times. But you know, there's just been so much more research since then. But what I realized I did finally go back to that exact Pier 1 imports and I realized like, oh, it's okay, I was safe. I walked around the store, paid attention to my body, and I remember being terrified to do that and which made no sense to me. But now I understand like, oh, no, that was my nervous system remembering hey, remember last time you were here what happened, and so of course, we don't want to go in there, but having those moments like I think that's why people skydive or, you know, climb down a waterfall or go whitewater rafting is it's kind of like pushes yourself to do something that feels a little scary. But then when you're done, you feel you're like, oh, I was safe, so it's just practicing that, if you ever.

Speaker 1: 13:25

You know, right now ice baths are all the craze and you can buy your own to have outside on your porch. And the reason why? There's many reasons, but one of the reasons it helps your nervous system. It creates your zone of resilience to expand, because your body, everything in your body when you get into that ice bath is telling you danger, danger, danger. This is uncomfortable, this is hard get out and it's kind of like your mind over your body realizing I'm safe, everything's fine, and so creating moments on purpose that give you that widened and expanded zone of resilience, and so you widen your home, you make your home base bigger.

Speaker 1: 14:13

One thing I've been doing is I used to get super triggered talking to my ex husband and I couldn't even do it. I was like I can't do it. So throughout last year I really focused, like, okay, I'm gonna just have a phone conversation. I mean, it was only a few times, but the few times I did it I was like, oh, my gosh, like I can actually talk to this person and not get triggered, and it was really a gave me a lot of confidence and realized like, oh, I am getting healthier. So, putting yourself in situations when you've done a lot of work and practiced on and I would go into the conversation like, okay, how do I wanna feel? I wanna feel neutral. If I start getting triggered, I might say this like, hey, I think I need to end the conversation, but I didn't have to do that, so just go ahead, go in it when you're doing something that you're like I don't know how this is gonna turn out, but I'm gonna try it and see if I can practice widening my zone and knowing, okay, this isn't scary, nothing's gonna happen, I'm safe, I'm okay. That could be another way.

Speaker 1: 15:34

Another thing actually is in my mind like the person, the woman that had an affair with my husband, she's the monster, she's the bad person. Like, realizing, like is that true? And whether you have a real conversation with that person or just a one in therapy, like let me write you a letter, so getting that out. But realizing like, no, that person wasn't there to hurt you. Their situation was, you know, it can just help you strengthen your zone and your safety zone and help you feel like, okay, this was not about me, anyways. So reframe and realize like, okay, I'm safe and nothing's gone wrong.

Speaker 1: 16:26

Triggers are information. So if you do find yourself getting triggered, that's just good information that you know. Like, oh, I still have some healing to do in that particular area. So pay attention. Anytime that you have a trigger, come up and you're like, oh, okay, maybe I need to work on that. When you have a memory, come up. If you can sit in the memory and feel your body, see what signs are coming up. Is it helpful or unhelpful? Is it taking you out of your zone or not?

Speaker 1: 16:59

Sometimes visiting places that you used to go to with your spouse can be like, okay, can I go to this place again? I we always went to this restaurant. I recently went to Ruth's Chris and I hadn't been there for several years and I was like, oh, I had such an amazing time with my friend and I didn't have all the thoughts and feelings that I thought I was gonna have and it was just so nice. I realized, okay, I don't have, that's not a trigger for me, and that felt safe and I created a new memory, a new experience. So just remember that as you're practicing, either widening your zone or just even learning what your zone of resilience is, what your home base looks like.

Speaker 1: 17:48

It's information and don't judge it. If you have feelings or emotions come up, make sure you feel those. It's okay. The idea is just to understand who you are, what makes you tick and how, when you're you know, have triggered or feel depressed, how you can get yourself and create a very healthy nervous system. Anyways, thanks so much for listening. Have an amazing, beautiful day, and I would love to hear what your thoughts are about this. If you want to learn how to live happily even after, sign up for my email at hello at lifecoachjenn with onencom. Follow me on Instagram and Facebook at happily even after coach. Let's work together to create your happily even after.