Happily Even After with Life Coach Jen
Happily Even After shares weekly insights and tools to create more fulfilling relationships with yourself, your family and God. Jennifer is a certified life coach that was married for 26 years . She has 4 amazing children and 1 son in law. She doesn’t have it all figured out but she has lots of personal experience and has learned what to do and what not to do in relationships. I help women and men who have experienced betrayal in their marriage or have been divorced learn that their is happiness to be had even when your life doesn't go as planned.
Happily Even After with Life Coach Jen
Celebrating Three Years: Reflections on My Post-Divorce Growth
Have you ever wondered what life could look like three years after making one of the most difficult decisions of your life? In this deeply personal anniversary episode, I reflect on my three-year divorce milestone and the remarkable transformation that's occurred since choosing to end my 26-year marriage after experiencing betrayal.
The journey hasn't been easy. That first year was brutal—selling our home, moving, and watching my children struggle as they rated their healing at near-zero on a ten-point scale. But sitting here today, those same children confidently declare they're at a perfect ten. They're thriving, no longer fantasizing about their parents reuniting, but accepting and embracing our new reality with surprising contentment.
What's changed for me personally is even more profound. The thoughts of my ex-husband and his new wife that once consumed my mental space have faded into neutral territory. I'm dating again—something unimaginable just a year ago—and can even envision remarriage with the right person (though they'd need to bring something truly special to the table). Most importantly, I've reclaimed my sense of self. After 26 years of not choosing me, I finally did—and that choice has transformed everything.
Whether you're just beginning to process betrayal, considering divorce, or somewhere in the middle of your healing journey, this episode offers honest reflection and genuine hope. Choosing yourself might be terrifying, but the peace waiting on the other side is worth every uncomfortable step. If you're ready to move from victim to hero in your own story, I'd be honored to help guide you there. Let's create your happily even after.
Year 2 episode:https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/happily-even-after-with-life-coach-jen/id1566971244?i=1000656124266
1st year of divorce episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/happily-even-after-with-life-coach-jen/id1566971244?i=1000613968858
Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.
Email me: hello@lifecoachjen.com for any comments or questions.
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My website is www.lifecoachjen.com
Welcome to my podcast. Happily, even After. I'm life coach, jen, I'm passionate about helping people recover from betrayal. I rode the intense emotional roller coaster and felt stuck and traumatized for years. It's the reason I became a trauma-informed certified life coach who helps people like you navigate their post-betrayal world. I have the tools, processes and knowledge to help you not only heal from the betrayal but create a healthy future. Today we begin to help you live happily even after. Hey friends, welcome to today's podcast.
Speaker 1:I have another episode that I am doing here in my home. I like recording here sometimes, but I hope everyone's having an amazing week. In a few days it is my third year divorce anniversary and in the past I have done a podcast, so now this will be my third divorce podcast that I've done about my personal divorce. I've done lots of episodes about divorce, but I thought it was just appropriate and actually this week I spent some time re-listening to those episodes and I'm going to put them in the show notes because for me, listening to my voice, listening to what I said, was very powerful and I hope, whatever journey you are on, whether you are just, you are not not just. But if you're healing from betrayal while staying married or if you're healing from betrayal after a divorce or you're still not sure, or whatever. Your journey is that you keep a journal or use a voice memo and talk into it and tell yourself things, because it was really powerful for me to listen to how I felt and what I was thinking a year after my divorce, two years after my divorce and now this is the third year, and some things that I have noticed about myself.
Speaker 1:First of all, going into 2025, I knew I felt different. I feel so much more like who I always was and always wanted to be. Now, obviously, I'm a different version of that, because now I'm in my 50s, I have four children. I had been married for 26 years, so of course, all those things play into who I am today and I am really grateful for all the things I have learned in my life, even though some of them have been truly so hard that I don't think I would wish them on my worst enemy. But I am just really I just am full of a lot of gratitude for where I am and that I'm standing and that I'm thriving in my life. I would say Anyways, and so I just am really grateful for this. I guess lesson this is my, this is what I'm supposed to learn, and I really feel strongly that I was called to help others that are in a similar situation with experiencing betrayal. I was alone for so many years that I just feel so strongly that I don't want anyone else to ever feel alone. And I know I'm not that powerful I can't you know. Of course people are going to feel alone even if they're surrounded by people. But if I could just, you know, help someone, that just feels so rewarding and it makes my pain not feel so painful, if that makes sense. So anyways, here I am, three years out, and what I've noticed?
Speaker 1:First of all, I asked some of my kids how they're feeling, because on my first year of divorce, my kids said that they were at a zero or a one as far as healing. It was a rough year. It was a really rough year. It's like I did everything hard, and so did my kids that you can like, all the most stressful things we experienced almost. We moved, we sold our house, we got divorced, their dad got remarried so many hard things. It was a lot, and so I'm so grateful we're not there, and so last night I was talking to two of them and they're like mom, we're a 10. And we in my house I'm like, hey, from one to 10, where are you feeling today? And just like to use that as a gauge, because if you're a three, okay, maybe you need something. If you're an eight or even a six, okay, you're doing good. So I asked that question a lot and they both said a 10. And I was so happy to hear that because I for sure I feel like a 10.
Speaker 1:Now, they personally don't feel like a 10., and that's okay. They have their own struggles. I mean, young adulthood is rough and it is challenging, so I get that rough and it is challenging, so I get that. But as far as knowing and having their parents divorced, they are at a 10. So I feel so much gratitude for that, because there's always the kids that really just want their parents to get back together, because they think if they got back together they wouldn't feel, you know, whatever right. They believe their circumstances are the reason they're having all this drama and all these problems. But if you've been listening to me for any length of time, you know it's our thoughts. Our thoughts are creating our feelings.
Speaker 1:Now, yes, sometimes the circumstances do change how we think and feel, just like sometimes, divorce for me, I just couldn't have stayed and healing could only happen divorced for me and, I think, for my kids, and so they're not fantasizing. Oh, I hope my parents get back together right and so they're older. Maybe if they were little that would have been the case. Who knows it? Just if, whatever situation you're experiencing, don't compare yourself with other people's experience, because it's a different experience. Yes, we may have a similar story, but it is different. You're unique. Don't give up on your uniqueness. Your situation is different, but also we are also very similar and the same, so we can learn from each other. We can grow from each other. Anyways, I just have lots of gratitude For me.
Speaker 1:I listened to my second year of divorce and that was better, but still hard, and so I think now I'm in the groove and I am in a flow and I still I said this before that I don't necessarily identify as a divorcee. I guess I mean I am, but I don't feel. I think I don't view it as a negative. Like I am not ashamed that I'm divorced, I think I don't view it as a negative, like I am not ashamed that I'm divorced, I own it, I'm not hiding from it, but I don't feel like something's missing. I feel whole and complete on my own. And I've really been thinking about this because I, you know, started dating while I've been on two dates with the same guy. So I wouldn't, you know, say I really went deep into the deep end on this yet, but it's just opened my mind to consider like, oh, I actually could see myself getting remarried sometime. Right, that's going to be the best news for my former husband. He'll be thrilled to not have to pay me alimony anymore.
Speaker 1:But you know, for me, I could see that, I could see that happening. And I couldn't see that last year I couldn't even imagine it. But now I'm like, no, I think maybe I could. I don't know. It'd have to be someone pretty amazing, and I'm perfectly fine on my own. So they're going to have to bring something really amazing to the table. And I don't mean a nice car and house, right, like I already have a nice car and house. I mean the qualities about repair, about healing, about owning their crap, and kindness and honesty and love and willing to work together, like that's what I mean. So that's going to have to be a pretty special person and you know there's not a lot of that out there. I haven't at least experienced it yet. At least that are single, right, I'm sure there's a lot of great men out there, but they're married, at least the ones that I know. That I think are pretty great. So there's a few singles out there, but I just who knows? But at least I can see that for myself. I can see, I want that. I want my kids to have another male figure in their life, like their dad is always going to be their dad, but I just think that would be helpful for them.
Speaker 1:Divorce I just want you to know if you're in day one or you're considering it. It is terrifying, it is so scary. I remember I I mean, I was stuck in fear for so many years, so many years. So don't judge yourself. But what if? What if it could be so much better? What if divorce is the answer? I think we get stuck in. We don't believe in divorce, or it goes against our values or whatever, and I get that. That's important. Our values are important, but also are your values that you're staying married to someone that's lying and having an affair and cheating on you, refuses to get help and blames you for all their behavior. Right, like no, no, that is not the way of it, that is not a healthy way anyways. So, yes, it is scary and it's amazing, like amazing.
Speaker 1:I just I feel so at peace and like in love with my life that I can't imagine it getting better. But maybe I just am expecting it to. I'm like what else is going to happen in my life? What else amazing is going to happen, because I feel so good and I think my kids are in a place they feel safe. Emotionally safe, I don't.
Speaker 1:We were never in physical unsafety, right, like my former spouse. He was a, we're going to say, good guy. Right, he was good in many ways, but emotionally safe, absolutely not, definitely not emotionally safe, because super critical and had all these ridiculous, in my opinion, expectations. And maybe they were normal expectations, but for who I was and who our kids were were not realistic expectations. And you know expectations, expectations. What happens when we expect things? Right, it just brings lots of frustration and the amount of resentment. And then when you're living a double life, right, there's no room for error, there's no room for someone making a mistake. You always can just see their bad qualities, and I think I'm actually going to do a podcast about this, but anyways, so I just feel really blessed and I just want to give any of you hope out there that divorce, yes, is scary, but it also can be amazing and you just have to keep on taking one baby step at a time. I rarely like it's so great, like I honestly have so much.
Speaker 1:Well, I feel very neutral about my former spouse. He used to consume and occupy much of my brain space. I thought about him all the time. I thought about his affair, partner slash wife. All the time. I was obsessed because, for whatever reason, my brain was telling me, in order for me to feel safe, I need to think about them, and then it would just cause me so much pain, all that suffering that I did to myself because it was so hard. I'm like I loved him. What's wrong with me? Well, nothing was wrong with me and, quite frankly, I don't know if I want to say what's wrong with him. His preference was not me. He didn't love me. He didn't want to be married to me. Well, he probably wanted to be married to me with someone on the side, right, that would have been his preference, I'm guessing, but I just I couldn't do it. I was done. I was like done doing that and that's okay, like I hope he's happy, I hope he is thriving in his life.
Speaker 1:I am very fortunate because I don't have to see him really ever. I've seen him one time in the one year since the last time I did this divorce, our divorce anniversary. I've seen him once at my daughter her graduation, and so I luckily don't have to have that. I know it's a lot harder for those of you that have to see your spouse all the time, your ex-spouse, your former spouse that's a bit more challenging. It's harder to get them out of your head, anyways.
Speaker 1:So I think I was thinking about I've never met his wife, which I think is fine, but maybe odd, I don't know. So I was thinking maybe it's time. Maybe it's time to meet her because I do have four kids with him and the odds of something either good happening those are pretty good odds and hopefully nothing bad but possibly that we're going to have to get in a room or be together or see each other is pretty high with four kids, especially our kids, the ages of our kids. Someone's going to have a baby, someone's going to get married, you know, hopefully no one's in an accident, but you just never know. And so I was thinking I'm like, okay, I think it's time, I think I'm in a good place, and I don't know if we go to lunch, I'm not sure what that looks like, but I'll for sure let you know. I feel like I can do that, like she's not a threat to me, like before. I know the other woman is always a threat. It feels like a threat and for sure I have felt that I get that, but I don't feel threatened or less than or.
Speaker 1:Oh, poor me. He didn't choose me. He chose you. Like, like, cry me a river right. Like, oh, I'm so sad but honestly I'm so grateful because guess who chose me Was me. Finally, after so long, for 26 years, I was not choosing me. So lessons choose you, choose healing. You are worth it, you deserve it. You. You can get through the misery of the hard of divorce. There's things that are going to come up. It's always. It always ends up being about money, which is so sad and depressing, and but we need money to live, right. So, anyways, that is my update. I just can see that I am transforming and becoming who I always wanted to be, and that feels amazing and I feel very honored and blessed.
Speaker 1:To those of you that trust me with your heart, with your desire to heal that broken heart of yours. I am so grateful that you have decided like you are worth choosing to get help and that you have chosen me as your coach. I will never take that for granted and I feel so honored that I'm able to do this work with you. And so, for those of you that are listening, that haven't taken that, haven't decided like, okay, I think I'm ready. Right, you have to be ready and committed. It's a commitment because it is work and it's uncomfortable work, but I know you can do it and I know you're worth doing it for. So I would love to talk with you and I'd love to help you.
Speaker 1:And I know that, even in a small amount of time, the amount of progress that you can make when you're doing something that is intense and on purpose and it makes you feel better, right, instead of being stuck in betrayal, misery, which I was for so long and being the victim of your life is not fun. So I just always think, like what if you're the hero of your story Like, I feel like the hero of my life and I'm so grateful that I chose me and I really want you to choose you. Thanks so much for listening and on you know, this third year. I can't wait to see what year four brings, but who knows, I don't know. Anyways, have a beautiful week and I will talk to you next week. If you want to learn how to live happily even after, sign up for my email at hello, at lifecoachjenwith1ncom, follow me on Instagram and Facebook at Happily Even After Coach let's on Instagram and Facebook at happily even after coach. Let's work together to create your happily even after.