21. Feeling all the feels

In today's podcast we lean into our feelings and all the experiences associated with them.

We are human beings having a human experience. Some days we are living our best life and the next day we find ourselves down and out. Just like a good movie where we love the idea of going from sad to happy, overjoyed to crying - why don't we love that in real life?  It's an interesting concept to ask yourself.

Amanda and Jessica share their personal stories about what is going on in their every day life navigating the peaks and valleys of what is going on and real world experiences with our families, business, our health and everything in between. Staying true to the concept of this podcast of what is personal is universal,  they share stories of their
life and trust we all find a commonality.

Where can you connect with us:
Instagram:
@amanda.joy.loveland
@jessica.lee.devenish

Facebook:
Amanda Joy Loveland
Jessica Carnesecca Devenish
Group: What is personal is universal

Website:
www.amandajoyloveland.com
www.devenishduo.com

Transcript

Unknown: 0:05

Hi there, we know that what is personal is universal. I am Amanda Loveland. And I am Jessica devenish. Welcome to the conversation. Well, here we are ready to start this podcast on zoom, which is something we've never done before. I know and it's super tempting, right? It's like, I wonder how many more times we're gonna do? Well, so far, I mean, what? 20 something episodes and we always send it in person. So okay. All right. Yeah, I know, that was pretty impressive. But zoom is kind of convenient. Because you takes an hour for you to get to my house, which is quite every week. It's about 4540. But yeah, sometimes it takes a while. So this is much more convenient for me today. So thank you. Yes, no, thank you. Oh, it works great for me, too. But before we dive into our conversation, I just have to do our little shameless plug, go, you know, the little shameless plugs, which one, all the things and, you know, I have a heart opening retreat that's coming up. What was really interesting about this retreat is we were not getting the information we knew was going to be different than our last one, but it was not coming in. And when I asked Holly, I'm like, are you getting information for this retreat yet? And when I what I mean by that is, every time I go into teaching into a space, usually you get the inspiration. And I think everybody can identify with that, on some level, you get the inspiration of what gets to be spoken to, and what gets to be held and what the container looks like, and it was not coming in. And then it came in about a week ago is like, Huh, here we go. And it's gonna be amazing, like really reevaluating what the life's purpose what your soul's purpose is and reigniting the heart, and it's going to be a really, really powerful retreat. So I'm, I'm looking forward to that. And we have a few spots left and that's coming up October 21. Well, I wish we could come this time, but we will be traveling, we'll be hunting, hunting, hunting, we will go so yeah, I'm excited for that retreat. That's exciting. And I'm leaving I'm fine. If I share this, my daughter Courtney would be fine. We're leaving on Saturday to go to Mexico. She's doing a gastric bypass surgery. It's a big surgery. Oh, it's a big surgery as a mom I'm filling all the fields about it and she's 21 and she's I'm loving her through it. You know supporting her she's done all the research she's really confident about her decision and so yeah, she wants her mommy there with her so lucky me I we do get to spend one night it's like a five star resort facility and so we'll spend one day on the beach and then she'll have surgery the next day and yeah, four or five days should be so yeah, by the time this release is that surgery will be over I'm sure we'll share some updates but yeah, for now I'm I'm all in my hearts all all over the place. So that's why today we're like, I don't we should talk about let's talk about feelings. Let's talk about emotions. Let's talk about like feeling feeling the feels and allowing ourselves to feel the feels and the knowing that we're not the feels. Exactly the concept that feelings are not facts. Feelings are feedback is something I go back to often I think that's a Franklin Covey thing, if I'm not mistaken, I don't know where to said that. But yeah, it's a good thing. One is just the observer. And I do like that feedback piece because I I you know, I've shared before I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was quite young. And so I used to think that my emotions and I would feel that my emotions meant that there was something wrong with me. So if I felt sad, or if I had more of the shadowy things, it was always like this really self deprecating, something's wrong, hide it, pretend kind of thing, because I had that label. And it took a long time to kind of work through that and recognize, oh, I get to fill these and then they get to move through instead of resisting it, which makes it stronger and then it gets stuck. Yeah, for sure. You know, what you resist persists. And you know, we learn that and I think as a mom, too, you know, I think asking your kids like when they're filling all the fields, it's like okay, it's okay. Tell me more about it. Yeah. Yeah. Say you're you're feeling some heavy stuff today. Do you want to share? Yeah, I mean, I'm happy to I. So this, the topic was kind of perfect. And I've thought a lot about the title of our podcast with really you know, what is personal is universal. How and I do want to be a little bit more authentic and raw on this because I never want to paint any kind of pictures that my life is perfect and I know you have the same desire and we know even though we do what we do we're constantly working through our stuff and that today actually it's been this this week, I've really had some heavy emotions coming up and and I have found in my life that all start hitting some growth edges where I can it's kind of pushing that ceiling right of, hey, you've gone this far. Now let's go a little bit further. And, and naturally we have resistance with that, because it's our it's our comfort zone, right? And when we push out of that it feels uncomfortable. And then we have a new comfort and then we push out of it. And then we have a new it's just like an ending cycle. And sometimes, and for me, sometimes they come a little quicker than than expected. If that makes sense. Does that make sense? Oh, yeah. Like I just got comfortable here. And I feel like I've been doing really good and oh, now we're gonna go push this envelope, okay. And, and for me, I'm, I mean, goodness sakes, I'm dealing with some things with my daughter, which I've always really valued the relationships I have with my kids. And so this one's kind of rattling me a little bit. And so there's that and then I've just got some health issues that are that are popping that I'm really trying to not get swallowed in. And you know, in our last pot, one of our other podcasts, you know, I had a hysterectomy and a cancer scare about a year ago. And I've just felt like something's going on under the surface. And, and as I've been going through body programming, getting a lot healthier at my, my good color, or my bad cholesterol dropped like 300 points, which I'm like, holy cow, that's pretty impressive. So yay, there's a win. That's awesome. Yeah, I've just been the more in tune tune I'm getting with my body the more I'm like, okay, something else is going on. And anyways, I'm diving into this, it's there is something going on. And I'm leaning into pushing myself more with having more holistic, total body healing, and not getting caught up in the labels or the emotions of what it means and then also bumping up against my dad and he had had his gallbladder out before he was diagnosed with cancer, and he never quite healed from that. And it was part of one of his indicators that something else was going on. And so and I'm having issues with my gallbladder, which a lot of people do, but that in a potential autoimmune issue, and it's just it's definitely triggering some of my, some of my stuff of my dad died young, you know, he was 54 I don't want to, like like to be easy and work through things I need to work through. And then can we let's just sail for a little while. But I'm being I'm being pushed in a lot of ways right now, which some kind of in it today. Well, and you know, we talk a lot about choosing our right mind, and it's all about choice and, you know, come from a place of love. And so we talk about all those things, and then life happens, right? You're in and you wanna say eff it, and I'm mad. And I, yeah, yeah, I get to feel and I get to feel my feels, my emotions. And I am not my emotions, either. Well, that's the other thing too. I think when we insert, I feel angry, or I feel sad, or I feel overwhelmed, right, I think becoming that is different than filling that. And I think that's where I've been working with my other daughter on anxiety and having getting her to kind of understand that is a challenge, you know, because it is encompassing her whole life when she's feeling sad, or feeling anxious or feeling overwhelmed. It becomes it's becoming her. Yeah, if I was that definition piece right of it over and over takes a night. I would echo that. I mean, that's easy to get overtaken by whatever this thing is. I think that's why like yesterday one of my levels, it's a level that detects the auto munish does thing and like low is anything below 60 and my level was at 26. And now it's like at 16. So it's crazy low. And then anyway and I told my doctor he said he's saying this other test to go take and I said what's the point? You know, I don't know that I want to label I don't want to think that now I have this thing that defines who I am and at the same time, there's something going on you want to go address it and do what you can to be fully functioning. But today it was kind of a good reminder for me and to what you were saying with your daughter. is a good reminder that to her Have that self mastery piece, okay, we get to fill these things we get to go into it, what's it what's underneath this what's getting asked to be asked to look at and to feel and to and to look beneath. And, and to, and in some aspects just to dive into it and allow ourselves to be consumed and taken into that for a moment as it moves through us. And then as that happens, we get to go and understand what that fear is or that limiting belief or whatever it is that's underneath which a lot of people think feeling anxiety right now, it could be stemmed with everything going on the planet, and the safety of what's, uh, you're gonna look like for me? And, you know, for me, it's fear of shit. You know, do I really have something major going on? And, and what, what could that mean, and then reminding myself that we do have this beautiful capability of transmuting energy, of having total body healing, of activating ourselves in a way that have never been activated before. And and not feeling powerless by, by outside pieces that also include the body and our emotions. Well, that really kind of is the trick like allowing, how do I say, like, we, we really allow the external world to take over. And when we do that, we kind of lose ourselves, right? So it's the internal world, which when you're in the thick of it, like you're saying, it's like, you got to have those moments and feel through it. But it's safe to say, you know, when something outside of you happens, then it creates a thought and then it creates a feeling and then you act on it. Right? Yeah, I mean, that's kind of I'm doing that Michael singer course right now. And he talks a lot about like, you know, the outside world really has nothing to do with you. And then you're like, how is that possible? I'm freaking out on the world. I mean, the world of experiences that's happening, right? And then really just like you're saying, Okay, I'm having this moment, I got to fill all the fields, I got to work through it, and not become it and not dismiss it, not shove it away. not hide it, feel it. And then once you feels, then okay. Usually, it's like, oh, I don't want to feel this way anymore. Okay, so now what do you want? In transmuting it into something else, I kind of liken it to clouds in the sky, right? They move in and they move out, just like feelings move in and move out. Oh, yeah, we're not cool. We're not questioning the clouds. We're looking at them. We're seeing them or observing them. We're seeing the beauty. Yeah, some are prettier than others. Some are dark, right? Just like her. And so I was describing to her you know, just like, allowing them to come in See, I'm observing how are they making you feel? And letting them flow through you? Yeah, and it's really that can can we get into a place that we can pop our perspective and what I mean by that is like going up into like an eagle's eye view, can we actually kind of pop out of our experience for just a moment and, and look from an eagle's eye view and look down at at the grander scale of things and see this minute moment for a minute. And the grand picture of all the beauty of this, you know, it's like our emotions do create that Symphony that orchestra that the the notes and the beauty of what our experiences without our emotions are it would be very, like watching a black and white movie or watching something that had no music behind it and, and really taking out that the depths of the soul, the expansion of the heart, the the emotion piece out of life. And I would think that every single one of us would echo that. We don't want that. No, no. You know, we don't want that. Even though some things are just so heavy. You don't you don't want to at the moment. You also there's always light behind those things, too, in my experience, anyway. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. And this was a good call for me to this week, I've been very distracted by a lot of things. And I have been allowing for a lot of outside things to be to be distracting to me, instead of taking time to sit with my emotions, and taking that time to actually process them and move through them. And this morning was another good reminder of because especially with being moms and working and doing what we do, it's really easy to get distracted by, I've got this to do. I've got this, you know, whatever the list is, instead of going, Okay, I am being consumed by whatever this thing is, and I can't ignore it. So I need to put these things down for a minute and actually go spend time in this space. There's just a good reminder for me today. Yeah, for sure. Well, and I think I shared earlier I did an Akashic Record reading yesterday and one thing that keeps coming up for me if you don't even know how to explain it but they can look at well akashic records are just your past lifetimes right it's it's like your book of life that somebody's reading and it's yeah it's really cool anyway he he we were I was talking about right now with some of this internal work I'm doing there's like this internal struggle of two different sides of me two different parts of me that are not participating. That's some internal work that I'm doing. And so he had just he had just said to me, he's like, well, it's not about figuring out anything. Really, it's really accepting, accepting what is so getting into that moment of stillness you know those places of stillness where it really gives you the power to kind of go within and really accept what is like Be still and know that we are exempt if we really believe that we are exactly where we belong Where we need to be it is in God's hands it is in the greater consciousness has the creator higher power whatever that is for you then be still a no let go there's nothing to figure out and that was a profound for me because I have been having this internal struggle where like the emotion I would like to think I'm not an angry person because I feel anger is a low vibe and so he was just asking me well what is it about anger that you don't want to accept you know, so we were just kind of working through those things and why that's coming up for me and and just accepting for what it is let it let it just be there's nothing to figure out don't doubt it you know, just like Phil into it and I don't know where I was going with that but that just kind of came up for me yesterday with him well and I think that is it's beautiful of accepting what is and and when you were talking about the forcing I think a lot of us go into that place of needing to figure something out. And then we put more work behind whatever this thing is of now it's something else I have to conquer and I know for me personally, I'm making a very conscious choice and I'm working through that life gets to be easy. And so when these things are coming up, hey this still gets to be easy even though it feels and it looks like okay shit, what's this going to actually require of me, I can also have a unconscious conscious choice of and this gets to be easy, show me how this even gets to be easy. And and our bodies are naturally I mean, we have our five main emotions and we have receptor cells in our body I mean if you listen to the podcast episode that we did with Michelle and Amanda Amanda goes so eloquently into this but I think it you know as as we're talking about just our physical body if we were just to take the soul aspect out of it or the consciousness aspect out of it, and just look at our bodies as these beautiful operators that are constantly working for our good for our benefit including pumping blood, the cells, rejuvenating oxygen coming to you know, all the things that we really don't have to put a lot we don't have to put thought into. And our emotions are also part of that wiring system, like part of this computer, that is us have these receptors cells in our body, where we feel emotions, you know, and I love that joy is the one emotion that we have receptor cells throughout our entire body. And so just on that, and I apologize for the dinging I don't know how to turn it off. And just for that alone, I think it's quite beautiful just to observe the human capacity and the ability that we have to be human and feel these bodies and feel this experience and, and really have this experience in it. And a lot of times we try to escape it. A lot of times we try to escape the emotions, which like you said, what you resist persists. And so then it ends up magnifying whatever those emotions are. And this is why you know, people start turning into drinking or even getting caught up and doing these medicine journeys and start getting addicted to that because it feels better hanging out naturals and in you know, lala land instead of being in the physical bodies, and yet, we all chose this, regardless of your belief system. I mean, this is one of my very hard truths that I know we chose to be in this experience in these human bodies. So I love that you shared that I love that it you know, it just is. Yeah, well the other thing too, that's coming up for me it's interesting how it's always the emotions that are based in fear, right? That we want to, we want to resist, right? So it's like that saying where I don't know how to explain it. I just I just have this feeling something bad's gonna happen. And it's like, okay, it's like you're looking for some kind of validation or some kind of reaction, right? But if you don't, if you don't pour more fuel on that fire has nowhere to go, right? So it's like when somebody comes in and they're all like, freaked out and worked up and you're just like, it's almost like I think sometimes we as humans are looking for a reaction to something that we're feeling. And if we're not getting that reaction, then it's like, oh, maybe it wasn't that big of a deal. You know, and we either fuel either fuel that fire ourselves sometimes right? Because we maybe were misery loves company, right? So let's say that we're really fell in sales, and we're angry about something I'm gonna call Amanda and say, Oh my gosh, I am so mad at her and you're going to validate me. But maybe you're not going to do that maybe you're just going to not even you're not going to fuel that fire, and then it gets extinguished doesn't have anywhere to go. And I think it's interesting especially in this world right now Fear Fear is such a driving force for so many people and I think that's why I shared that in the last podcast is because obviously I don't want to recommend be live in a place of fear but I think when you are feeling the fear, use that to fuel yourself to propel yourself forward in something that you do want. Yeah, because like you said, those five main emotions there's fear fears, and a lot of them except for I think the one which is what joy is what do you mean it's in a lot of them? What are what are the five to remind me what the fiber? Well now I gotta remember, so there's anger, sadness, joy, and I would fear her, I know is one of them. But what's the fifth? About fears fears its own? Well, look, I'm almost positive Firas anyway, anyway, we can put them in, we'll go find it. I know there's finding emotions. I know that. I got that one. I know they all have receptor cells. I know that joy has receptor cells throughout the entire body. Love, love is one of the core. Yeah. And yeah, and I, there was, there's something I was gonna share it now. Oh, for my birthday, we did a gather like a gathering with our friends, and then had our friend come and do a channeling which we did a year ago. And I think it was speaking of fear. You know, a year ago, a lot of us were in a lot of fear, what's happening to say, the world? What are we going to do? Should we prepare, you know, like, all sorts of scenarios that were going through our minds were very fear based, and a lot of emotions back then. And it was it was really beautiful. For me personally, to reflect, here we are a year later. And look at where we're at. For me, I've had more personal growth in this last year. I mean, I've had so much beautiful personal growth, that I wouldn't, I wouldn't trade for the world and my family's healthy and happy and we're fine and everything's fine. And, and so it was just a really good reminder. I, I use, you know, when I walk people through fear, especially when they have fear of failing, for example, or fear of, you know, getting a divorce or fear of leaving religion, it's what's the worst thing that can happen? You know, and depending on the scenario, they'll rattle off, whatever and it's and Will you be okay? Like, yeah, at the end of the, at the end of the day, I'll be okay. I've always been okay. Even facing death or even facing whatever. And we'll be okay. We'll be just fine. I love that question. I asked that question to my clients all the time. Okay. I'm hearing you. So tell me what the worst case scenario is? Yeah. And obviously what's happening in your head. Once it comes out of your mouth or you write a journal it's never as bad as you'd like storytelling in your head. Oh, yeah. Of what it means and all sorts of things. You know, I had a I had a pot I have a podcast on my living religion that just released today. And today's the what is today the 20 seconds. And or this woman's story is one of those she left her story through leaving religion is like talk about the worst case scenarios, she lived it. And she's amazing, doing extremely well now. And one of the things that she said is, and I loved her, the way she communicate, she goes, make love to fear lean into it, go all the way into that fear and make love to it of what's there in there and what wants to be experienced and felt and expressed. And, and it is an interesting thought of that idea of making love to something you know, it's kind of a funny saying and some for some people, but when you feel into it, and that depth of the intimacy and the vulnerability of whatever that emotion is, there's beauty there. And you know, what is it and can we give ourselves permission and the opportunity to really lean in and and feel it all I know for me I used to resist feeling anything like I said, because it always felt like this Dark Pit. So for me it was always avoiding sadness because shit that would throw me into a depression not the fear and fears not as nearly as scary for me as sadnesses. And until I started just leaning into it, and realizing it would never, it would never fully consumed me. You know, you dive in, you go through that tunnel, and you come out the other side. You always come out the other side. There's always another day. Well, yeah, I mean, if you ask yourself, like, I've bought all the crazy things, bad things, scary things that have happened, have I made it through? Well, you're still here? The answer's yes. You've always made it through. And what did you learn? What did you grow from it? What were what are these attributes that that you now have? Because of that experience? Well, it kind of goes back to what I was saying earlier about. He was sharing with me about not trying to figure it out, like why is it good or bad? Why is it right or wrong? And really coming from a view of alignment, like a balanced view of what just is what it is? Right? And being objective? Oh, objective? Yeah. Yeah, just being objective to what it is. And it's like, even with the idea of anger showing up for me lately. Well, I have I definitely have an attachment around the idea of anger being something that why is it usually usually anger is there's something there's another emotion underneath the anger? Right, but but but I really have to look at it. You're first right and I'm shooting so what is it about anger that I don't like? Well, I, I think anger is an unattractive quality. I think it's yucky. I think it's low vibe. I lose respect from people when they get angry like these are some of my things right? These are their toxic I feel like sometimes in your comes from a selfish behavior. So this is some of the work I've been doing this week now. Okay, what is it? What is it about anger, right? But I don't like about it and really kind of leaning into. And again, I've put, I've put a label on anger as being bad. Right there, I'm saying it's wrong, or it's bad. Well, why is it bad or good? Why is it right or wrong? And just letting being aware of it. And even loving the moments of anger that I'm having with whatever is I'm working through, you know, just don't put a story around it. Just feel it be at peace with the emotion anger? Why is it showing up for me? What is it here to teach me? What can I learn from this moment of anger? And I think that's where the work that you and I do, right? We're committed to that, like internal growth. Saying, really being conscious about what it is about anger that I don't like, being intimate with. Okay, let's just not be the coach for a minute right? Now a coach, not trying to like, solve this problem, but just really be like, what does it mean? Why am I afraid of it? What am I trying to protect myself from believing or experiencing? And just leaning in? Yeah. And so I think if anyone's having the fear or even anger, right, I think the world in general are so much going on. And everyone's so constant and we, you know, showing your what you're seeing you want everyone else to see, right? We talked about that? Well, it's like that, that need to fight also couples with anger, like there's an anger behind it, of whatever injustices you feel like are happening in the world. Yeah, so maybe that's why it was coming up for me so much, but it was interesting that I'm like, Okay, why is this bad? Why am I feeling like this is a bad thing to be feeling. Yeah, so one anger, the fire emotion, right? So it actually moves and one of the things too, that I've been reminded of this week is the gift of presence. And, and Michael singer talks a lot about that of being in the in the present moment. And it's something that we talk about, often in especially the work that you and I do and and again, it was a good reminder of Am I being completely present because when we feel these emotions, often time again, we want to escape so we're thinking about the next thing or I need to plan a trip or I need to have something to look forward to instead of being completely in the here and the now with what is and being okay with it. And and really this is, this is a mastery. This is a mastery level of starting to have that relationship with your emotions almost as if you would with a loved one, sitting in that space of that. Can I be a sacred witness to what is being asked to be felt here and witness it and notice it and then let it move through and do so with honor and gratitude. And ultimately, you know, that's something that I'm still obviously working on and working through, but that is, that is a self mastery. And when we get to that place of being able to sit in that space and in that way, and then the emotions aren't so long winded they don't stick around as long. You shared something before we started recording from that conversation that you had with him yesterday when you see it, what was that? You remember? And I said I was bringing the conch unconscious conscious Can you see it you know it when you see it you got Oh, he said if you spot it You got it. You spot it You got it. That's what it is. Yeah, so if you feeling like somebody's angry all the time, and you're sweating and they're angry well you've got anger right? Oh, you've got it so it's not necessarily Yeah, I've got it like I've figured it out but like you're seeing that reflection another so that means it magnifies something in you Yeah, yeah, that's that's really where he was going with that. The other thing that I wanted to share and I'm sure we could have a whole podcast on ego but I think that really the ego wants to identify so if we allow ourselves to identify as an emotion then I feel like sometimes that's that's our ego that's not our like our Christ Self it's not our God so it's not our true self that's what I believe anyway. You know ego something it's funny that you bring this up and bring it up with Christ too because this is something I have. Um, I have a really beautiful friend that loves the ego she thinks ego is actually a tool for us and something that we shouldn't resist. But I do think there's levels of being having your ego at play. And we all know those people that everything's about them and there's this fine line between having such confidence and knowing who you are and being totally egotistical they're very very very close in hand and when one of the things that I have been sitting with speaking of Christ I was watching the chosen and create there's a scene I don't know if I shared this with you or not Jessica but there's a scene where Christ is at a well a well like a water well waiting for someone and he's by himself and she comes as well and it's out in the middle of nowhere you know in the desert Excuse me. And he asked his woman for a drink of water and she kind of pushes back and says if you know who I am you wouldn't be asking me for a drink because she's living in sin and some different things so back then you know that was your cast out kind of and he asked a couple times as she kept kind of pushing back and then he said if you knew who I if you knew who I was, you'd be asking me for a drink of the living waters and the way that he expressed in the way he said it was so to me was so there was an ego piece that came to that and I just sit with that because it bumped me a little bit of like, well Who do you think you are kind of I know that sounds silly because here's Christ you know and here's his movie and and of course but he had such a strong knowing of who he was what his message what his medicine was that he was offering to the people and what he knew that it could provide them that he stood in that confidence and that that eagerness of knowing who he was and expressed it beautifully but it so it is the ego is this really fine I To me it's a really fine line to dance of being confident in who we are but not being forceful in that of like needing that that self acknowledged so similar to what you're talking about the emotions right? Well, and there's competence and being cocky right? I think those are two different things. But speaking of ego real quick, I kind of feel like what you're saying is I think there's four levels of ego I think there's childish ego right there's like adult so it's like we ego there's child there's adolescent there's like young adult then there's mature ego so I think a maturity goes different like you're confident in who you are right? You're confident like he's saying he's confident in who he is. Like if you knew who I was then this as opposed to well if you knew who I was, then you would think I'm so much better that's Yeah, then that's a childish ego. So I think I mean again, I stated in the beginning even to bring up the word ego right, that's a whole nother podcast in our conversation but I just think ego really in my big 30,000 foot view ego kind of pulls us away from our God's self our Christ Self like I was saying, so not the egos bad I think it's there to protect us to but I think ego always wants to be identified. It's always trying to identify something and that's where I feel like anxiety a little bit comes from in my opinion, is it's trying to identify it's trying to be seen and that's where that God part of ourselves if we are aware we chose we choose joy, we choose peace, we tube love. Then you're always on track, right? I mean, One thing I have this saying right here on my desk, it says the truth will never make you sad, the truth will offer you will only offer you peace and joy. So I think the ego sometimes wants to make us sad or immense to make us identify or wants us to do those things. And so if you're coming from your true self, where do you want to, but a lot of times people don't know what their true self is. And that's the kicker. And I think that's actually where the ego does serve us. Because it kind of tests out this individuality piece of who I who am I, and you go try on a few different things or bump up against a few different aspects and the child s aspect of the adolescent or whatever you want to label it as, and then getting the reflection back, oh, that's not necessarily who I want to be seen as, or I don't like that reaction. And then you know, we get an opportunity to revisit that and then come to a more balanced homeostasis, and rest recipe, right reciprocity itself. And with the ego, because the ego is I do think it's a vehicle and just a tool that's part of our expression. So I don't need to do that. I do too. And that's why I think a mature ego that's why I feel like there's the four stages, right? a mature ego is a good thing. A childish ego can get you in trouble. That's what I that's what I've experienced anyway. I think I just still on this path to understanding ego like is, it is a vast concept, because like, saying the word ego is bad. I'm not saying that. Right? I'm seeing the ego, that part of us that wants to separate from our God's self. But see, there's an there's an ego part though, and that is what Christ was displaying. He knew so well who he was that he was 100% aligned with his higher self with God. So in that aspect that didn't, didn't separate. But yeah, there's a lot of different truths in in this but you touched on truth and I reminded me of a quote that I listened to on Adam Nugent actually his guest that he had, you know, this guy, oh, yeah. Henry Mr. He's Oh, yeah. And he said, and they loved us. He said, most of us tell ourselves enough, true, Okay, I'm gonna start that over since I'm jumping jumbling. Oh, my goodness. He said, most of us tell ourselves enough truth to make us uncomfortable, but not enough to set us free. And I thought that was really, really powerful, powerful thought. And, and this is kind of part of when we're talking about the emotions, again, it's tools to get to the truth that are really asking and begging for us to look at. And sometimes those truths that could set us free, are very painful to look at, like what you're experienced, expressing if I see that in someone else, and there's an aspect of me that there's a resonance. Yeah, for sure. Like, I don't, that's not who I am. I don't want to see that. Well, I mean, how would that guy be angry is such an asshole. It's like, oh, exactly. Judgment, right? Totally. Totally. Well, I think we are so quick to judge ourselves, too. Right? I mean, obviously, you know, we do it to other people. But well, I hold the I personally hold a lot of judgment about myself. That's not always positive. You know, the judgment piece is also a big one. I think you mentioned balance to where we were talking about balance. But I wanted to share too, that there's this whole concept of like, I don't really like the word balance, I think you and I share that. I don't when people say because I've been interviewed a lot through my business career, where it's like, some a woman in business. So they're like, you have five kids? How do you do it? Like, where's this work life balance, you know, and I, you talked about harmony, I think that's what made me think about harmony. I think balance is just such a myth. I've never liked the word balance, because it means that I have to choose something over something else, in my view. So I like to think of it as like, it's coming back to alignment or center, or harmony. Because it's like the musical notes, I believe. There's like 12 notes total. And they each kind of create their own song or Symphony. So how many different songs are there in the world, there's really only 12 notes to create that song. So all of us are dealing with that same 12 things in our life, let's say, but we all just kind of manage it differently. So I think that coming from a place of harmony, coming from a place of alignment, going to play from a place of center kind of helps you manage those emotions, or work through the hard stuff, crappy stuff, the days where you're like, I'm feeling it. I'm feeling heavy today I'm in and you know, finding that harmony in yourself is really my goal as opposed to balance. Yeah, so I always look for harmony, alignment, being in center, as opposed to balance, because balance is just one of those words that I feel like I don't like it. Yeah, I would agree with that. I think that harmony is a good are in alignment. With the self, because I know for me, there's moments where and we've talked about this before, there's moments where my children need more attention, and my business gets less attention. And there's moments moments where, or myself gets less attention. And then there's other times where it's like I'm focusing more on me and less on the others. And it's just kind of that that harmony that life gets to play out. And I do think, at least for me, in this moment, because I have been feeling in alignment, I have been feeling good, I have been feeling happier than I have ever. And so this, when this comes in, it kind of bumps you off that feeling in alignment, where it to me, I've done a lot of work to be in that space. And so again, it to me, I'm continuing to remind myself to be more the observer of it, and not, and get swallowed up by it. I agree with that, Deborah? Sure. Yeah, right. reciprocity with self, right relationship with self is very important. You know, and I actually was talking to a girlfriend of mine. And she made that comment about reciprocity. And that's something that shamans hold is this idea of being an ID, which is right versus reciprocity yourself. And she was talking about that just as, as far as reciprocity with everything, with the food system, with her body with relationships with the world? And I'm like, that's really interesting. I don't know that I've ever looked at that kind of reciprocity. Am I getting back from Jessica? What I'm putting in? Like, is there a balance in that reciprocity? Am I getting that reciprocity from the food that I'm eating? I mean, as silly as that is, or even the food system? Am I getting? You know, what I'm putting into this? Am I getting? Am I receiving back, and I thought that was a really good thought point to have. It's not just right, reciprocity with the self, but it's in conjunction with everything else is going on our religion, our family system, all those pieces that is this imbalance is this in you, I just use the word that you hate. But is this in right reciprocity? is there is there a balanced relationship there? Because sometimes it will ebb and flow, but for the most part, is it fairly, fairly balanced? And I think that's a good place, especially when we get into these moments where we're feeling a little bit overwhelmed. It's a good question or reflective question to say, what feels out of alignment? For me, why is it out of alignment? Is there something that I need to do to address that here? Or is that something I should not be putting my energy and time into, because there's not a balance, and so it is triggering these emotions, or triggering me being tired or, you know, whatever it is? Well, and maybe just to clarify, the reason I don't like balance is because it's like I said before, it's kind of I feel like balance is making you choose, well, you're a working mom, but you have these five kids. So how do you balance it? Well, it's like you said every day, something, you might need a little more attention than the other. So you're just taking care of what you need to like one day, you might work 16 hours, you don't spend any time with your kids. But the next day might be the opposite. Hey, I worked a few hours in the morning. And then we went to the zoo today and spent the whole day playing in the park or whatever. I think that's where the harmony comes in. Right? I'm not I'm just in this harmonious cycle, where I'm ebbing and flowing. Everything is right. And I'm just following the energy where it needs to be where my love My heart needs to be. I'm not choosing one or the other. I think that a lot of people struggle with, you know, when I think the idea of balance, especially as working moms, when we make the list or the things that we need to do, and we have our calendars every day and then things come in that misalignment then it feels like this for me. It's like God, I didn't get done what I wanted to get done. And then that kind of harps on then when you're talking about balance. Instead of speaking of Michael singer, instead of being in flow, of being in flow with what's coming in, in the world, still having goals and things you're working on and accomplishing and achieving. But moving in flow with how that gets to, you know, with what happens day to day and being okay and being in flow when something comes in that was unexpected. Oh, that's exactly when I think we are tested. And that's when we decide right? Are we in flow? Are we in alignment? Are we going to play this musical instrument in harmony? Do I have attachment to Yeah, do we have attachment to how I need to show up for that? Well, if we do live from a place of love, then I think you know it is right, it always is right. like okay, if I choose love then if I get to have love and acceptance for what is showing up for me then it's all going to work out as it's supposed to. If we really do believe that and that is where he these moments of like, Oh, I'm really feeling it today. It's when we're that's when being at peace and calm and knowing that all is right in the world doesn't come in moments of, you know, peace, it comes in these moments like you're sharing, right? When you're like, Oh man, this is it, I'm struggling with my daughter, I'm worried about my health. This is where we really have we get, we get all the things still, we get all the things and we really have to lean into Okay, what is the showing me? What is the show? One, it really is a call to go even deeper within. And that's where the beauty of the magic lies. For sure. And I think those of us that are really always pushing the, our limits to grow. And I think so many people just with the world stage right now, so many people are are asking to grow, they're asking to see the truth. They're asking to see the truth in the world around them. They're asking to see the truth. and their families are asking to see the truth in their work. Their core values, what's really important to them, right? There's a lot of heavy stuff going on. Bottom line. Yeah, I agree. And, and that reminds me of something that was said, when we all gathered with, when we feel like we have to draw a line in the sand, and then we have to fight, then the world universe, whatever you want to call it will create something for you to fight against, versus just standing and holding your truth of whatever that looks like. And there's a big difference in the energy because I know we kind of got we talked a little bit about fighting a minute ago, and it just made me think of this that, you know, I think it's a good reminder that when we stand for what our belief system is, it doesn't mean that we're asking for a fight. But if a if it comes to it, then we're willing to, you know, do what is necessary stand up to stand up, right. There's a difference in fighting and standing up. And I think that's what we learned in that channeling that Holly did. Yeah. What do you think all of us know, but it was it. The way that it was expressed is a lot more clear as far as my mentality I think part of it is because a lot of us don't know where to stand, you know, how do we stand? How do we do we need to fight do we need to be out there screaming from the rooftops, or whatever it is, and and it can be as simple as just this is my truth right now and and? And can I can I be open to seeing all people have their their ability and their capability of having their truth in respect that and still stand in my beliefs? Well, and even just that innate truth really is a self love piece. It's a self knowledge piece, right? To really stand in your innate truth, especially if it bumps up against somebody that you love that doesn't have that same truth. And finding self love for yourself and finding love for that other person that they don't see it the way that you do. Right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I know. All these things we're talking about are very personal do. No, they're not just things out there that we're talking to. We're living and breathing that right now. Right? Oh, right. Oh, right. And just having that open heart and mind to like, loud, I'll come in, and trust that it's for greatest and highest good. I mean, that's a prayer, I always say, right? Yeah. And then living that is a different thing, right? You're asking for love and light for everything to come in for your greatest and highest good. So we say that in a prayer maybe? And I think living it and leaning into that, in those moments of crisis or chaos or whatever you want to call it. Okay, this is it for my greatest and highest good. What is it showing me even when I don't want to look at that anger piece, or whatever it is. Now, I don't want to look at that. Well, and I think you know, you've touched on love several times, which I think is a beautiful thing that most of us do forget to hold is that can we hold ourselves? And can we hold just that word alone? Can we hold ourselves in those emotions in those moments and actually ask the universe asked for whatever your belief system is to also hold you in that space of, of comfort, even in the midst of feeling these things of feeling supported, even in the midst of things because I would say that and it was brought up when we gathered but I often say with my other podcasts No, you are not alone. Because I think that that's one of the biggest pieces that most of us, whatever it is we're facing whatever it is, we feel like we're we're leaning into or stepping into we oftentimes and especially in our emotions, we feel alone and isolated. And and the reality is is we're not alone we are in how we get to go and process that and express that and so then can we call in that divine support and being held in that space while we and and really holding sacred witness as we go through whatever that is and having it be a more beautiful Gentle, easier process that that can be sacred. For sure. We talked about a lot of stuff today, Miss Amanda. I know. I think that one thing I mean, we kind of digressed and went all over the place with emotions. But I also just want to share that I have a belief that emotions, even the anger and fear ones, I really feel like, that's what I'm really filling in on my feelings, that's when I'm the closest to spirit. No, that's what I'm the closest to God, or higher self, or whatever you want to call it, I really, if I just fill in to whatever it is, I'm feeling like, I feel so supportive, even in the hard ones. So if you fill in them, I just encourage you to lean in, because I really feel like that's where God is. I want to experience anyway. Yeah, I would agree with that. And, you know, it makes me and this is a little bit of a squirrel comment. So everybody's forewarned, but I do again, and it's circling back to something I said earlier of the orchestra and the symphony and the harmony of what we get to feel and express in this world of choosing the physical body. And that is something that I think is important to remember that we did choose into this, to have emotions, to have joy, to have passion to have all of these experiences. And in my belief system, and many others that I know, when we talk about evolution, we talk about different degrees of you'll hear people talk about 3d 45 D, and a lot of people that will talk about wanting to live in, you know, whatever, you continue to expand and move into these different dimensions. The trick is, though, you go more into a light body and you lose the physical, and you no longer have those emotions, you don't have that the ability to have physical expression and physical joy and pleasure. And you'll have an I deal with it in my sessions, you'll have energies that will attach to a human body, because it misses that and misses the physical aspect of being human, in this 3d five D expression that that we're choosing to have. And what I think because you and I have been open with our beliefs, I'm going to pop this in here. You know, you and I both watched a video around the vaccine with some doctors that were sharing some pictures. And it was really fascinating to see that this vaccine does not absorb light, whatever it puts into the blood doesn't absorb light. And and we're carbon based beings were meant to absorb light. When you move into silicone based beings, you're emotionless. So when we're talking about the zombie apocalypse, they're actually talking about people moving into more of a, I'm on your phone, less emotions, less ability to express and feel things. You're now moving into a zombie state. So I say this in, in perspective of, let's appreciate, and excuse me. Like I'm drinking dojo, dang, and I am not making my coffee. And I like inhaled a little particle of it. But it's just a good perspective. Let's actually appreciate and have gratitude for these emotions. Oh, for sure. All the all of them, right? All the fields, all the fields. I love that you share that too. So thank you. Well, I think we've let hopefully we've left some nuggets of goodness for people to like, take with them. And yeah, and it's just that beautiful internal insight that we all have. Yeah, and a lot of these are probably just reminders that I need to remind myself all the time of things like okay, you know, this, we can navigate through this, we got this. And and then if you again, just if you haven't grabbed Jessica's book, you had to grab it. And that's on her website. The Jessica no devenish duo. Yeah, so we'll put that in the show notes. And then also put my website linking to both the retreat and the 13 week leaving religion course up, and then join our Facebook group. leave us a review. do all the things for us. Well, yeah, if you if you're enjoying this, we'd appreciate it. Yes, please, share, like, subscribe, all the things. So have a beautiful day, everyone.

Amanda Loveland: 54:45

Thank you for joining the conversation today. We hope that something we said sparked your curiosity to further your growth.

Jessica Carnesecca: 54:51

Only you know what is meant for you. So let's continue the conversation and follow us on our Facebook page at what is personal is universal. We'll see you there.